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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (June 25, 1905)
uister if CSCS9SSSSSSSSSSSSC5SSS UK IlF.V. OKiiRGE H. nUinVNI-KR. pastor of I I " -hun-h In I .HiiMt. Mi ,. ha en-ated n se-ni- I tinn among his parishioners and the people of JL I Waldo rntinty by refusing to marry any couple In Jnni'. The derision of the minister, made after lorn nnd rnreful study of the matter, was an nounced on Hie last Sunday In May. and the Hurtled member of the Mock espe cially those who had 1 hi nned their nnptliiln for the inonth of roues- are up In arms. Pr. llrownl le-clnrcs June weddings Immoral and wnrnn in principle, ami Mutes that never again will he perform a ceremony during the thirty days that constitute the period. He. has produced figures, gathered from court records of tie-I'lilte-d Stub s. Canada, and Knglnnd, to show that a greater proportion of persons mrrrled In June are divorced than of nnv other month the proportion being so large as to lend him In the first instance to Investigate. Amnn one of the surprising statements made by the divine Is that the average age of persons In the t'nlled States who are married during June Is over two years less than the Hvrrage of ages of the contracting parties In weddings that take place in any other month of the year. The average age of the men Is slightly over la months less, while the average age of June bride Is :i: months and IS days less. Shouldn't Turn "Lightly" to Love. In part Or. nrnwnle-e holds this conmnrative immaturity of the brldi s nnd grooms responsible for the extraordinary percentage of divorces resulting from June weddings. While ho does not say so, the minister lays stress upon i.m- word, "lightly," In the quotation: "In the spring the young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love." He objects to the lightly. Me declares that when thoughts turn to love nt nil they should turn seriously, reverential!, with a tlxeel nnd solemn realisation of the Importance of the slep and Its heavy responsibilities. liesides. he holds that June weddings are merely an unconscious recurrence in civil ized man of the sp-lng mating season of animals. The would-be brides of Iiclfnst are protesting wildly ngainst his decree, and declare that If he will not officiate they will Import ministers to perform the services, and the grooms to he are threatening action nirnlnst the minister within his own congregation because of his peculiar stand on the BUb'ect of June weddings. Should Choose Mates with More Care. "Marriage." says Dr. Rrownlee, "Is the most sacred re lation known to this earth, anil for years 1 have been a pro tectant against the growing flippancy with which the people of the I'nlled States, and France and England as well, re gard the sacred tie. The vast increase in the number of divorces granted Is accounted for solely by heedless, thought b ss marrying of men and women. Men and women select wives and husbands with half the care that they select their ha Is or shoe s. ' I have made it a custom for years to talk with the young pi ople of my congregation during their engagements nnd to question them In regard to their feelings toward the persons they Intend to mnrry. Half of them cannot tell why they are going to marry. Fully two-thirds of the girls get married simply because they are asked. Many of them admit they do not love the man, they like him, but do not love him; they expect to learn that after marriage. I should think that nearly one-third of the girls who get married accept a man merely because they believe It their duty to get married, and from pride; to have something that will distinguish them from other girls. Then, having become engaged, half of them will not back out unless the man gives them a good opportunity. A man who Is engaged to a girl and wants to know, before taking the final step, whether or not she loves bltn, should give her a good opportunity to break the engagement herself. I believe half the engaged girls would Jump at the chance to escape marriage by nny honorable means until they unit 'lie right man. J Think Too Much of Gowns. "That l! the situation. It Is distinctly Immoral. Tho people who are going to get married have given little thought to the seriousness, the holiness of tho relation Into which tin y ai-f about to enter. The man is too busy getting money enough to fit up his new home, and the girl thinks twice us much about the gowns she and her brldemaids are going tu wear than she does about her coming responsibilities. " It Is bnd enough at any time, but worst In June. Vi ople get married In June partly because It is fashionable, partly because hereditary Instinct arouses the mating desire In them. They cannot regard marriage as a holy Institution or love as sacred If they make a show of themselves and a parade of their love for effect upon society. They cannot look upon It as the spiritual union of two souls If they are moved only by the same desires that Inditi-ncc animals to mate In the spring time. Marriage based on either of these conditions cannot be happy In many cases, and In most it means positive unhnpplness. " For these reasons 1 have decided never again to per form a June wedding. If a young couple comes to me, show ing tint they Hre sincerely In love with each other, 1 re quest them to postpone tin marriage until after June. If tiny listen to my reasons, tin y usually agree that 1 am right. I tell them that their iove will be all the sweeter and bi tter for the short postponement. If they grow angry, or refuse, to postpone- their weddings, I am almost certain that pride and a desire to make a society show of their most sacred mid holy net in liTc Inspire them to get married, rather than love for each other. Frivolous Wedding Turns Out Badly. " I have worked along these lines now for five years and I have married but one unhappy couple nnd the blame for that Ik on my shoulders. I consented, under the urging of the young man nnd his friends and family, to ofllctnte at a high society wedding three years ngo. It was against my bet ter Judgment, for I felt within myself that these two were piarrylng frivolously nnd without due regard for the sac-redness of the tie. Vet I hoped for the best. The ceremony was beautiful and the papers described the decorations and the gowns at length. " Within six months the girl was back in her father's home. She had been cruelly abused and she confessed to me that she never loved the man-she only thought she did. As a matter of fact, if she had examined her own thoughts carefully, even before the wedding, she would have known In her Innermost heart that she was going to marry that man simply to be the heroine, for n night. r a brilliant society function, t'he paid dearly for her one night of triumph. " There has been some criticism. I realize, of my stand in the matter, and when I mnde the public announcement It caused much comment and much of it unfavorable but I believe I can save the community much unhappiness in re fusing to perform marriage ceremonies during the month, liven u twenty day postponement of a wedding may cause some mistaken girl or man to realize and avoid the mistake, and If. for the sake of purifying their love from the sin of pride, they will postpone the ceremony, they will hiive con quered and bettered themselves, while, without the glamour and excitement of a brilliant function, they will have time, to study each other and themselves nnd realize something of 'lie seriousness of the step. " flsWtt) 0 amid urmct si CO, the mont Jf . YtHIAY ALE. BAT&YES IE SENT T JHfln rv belong at home I Look there and you will see If they am considered or not." Average Home Bad for Babies. " I.et us look carefully. The average home Is a house of, say, six rooms. This Is a liberal allowance, applicable only to America -kitchen, dining room, and parlor, and three bed rooms. Clazlng upon the home from the outside we see a building of dimensions suited to adults. There is nothing to . Indicate children there. Examining it from the inside we lind the same proportionate dimensions and nothing in the materials or arrangement of the Internal furnishings to In dicate children there. " The stairs are measured to the adult tread, the windows to the adult eye, the chnlrs and table to the adult seat. Hold! In a bedroom we discover a cradle-descended from who knows what Inherited desire for swinging boughs and in some eases a crib. In the djnlng room is often a high chair made to accommodate the adult table, and sometimes In the parlor a low chair for the child. If people are wealthy and careful there Is perhaps a low table, too; but the utmost that can be claimed for the average child Is a cradle or crib, high chair, and a little rocker. .4 Babies Receive Little Attention. " In the schoolhouse all the seats are for children except teacher's chair; in the kindergarten the tiny chairs ami tables are perfectly appropriate; In the playground all the appoint ments are child size. " We can and do cheerfully admit the advantages of a public school and a public school teacher for our children, ttonie of us admit the advantages of a public kindergarten nnd a public kindergartner for our children. " The step between c hild garden and baby garde n is Might. A bouse or range of apartments for little children could be made perfectly safe which is more than the home Is. From the pins on the carpet which baby puts In the mouth, the stairs down which lie tans, tne winuows uuc u. knew how to teach swimming, modeling, un( other rudimen tary arts. "The home, besides Its difficulties and dangers, is full of unnecessary limitations. It is arranged on a scale of ele gance such as the adult Income can compass; and the nat ural activities of childhood continually Injure the house hold decorations and eonveiiletn cs. Perfectly natural ami innocent conduct on the part of the child Is deleterious to the grownup home so latently that the owners of houses are not willing to nt them to fainili 'H with c hildren. " A nice comment this on the home as a place for children. Must u home be shabby und bare? or must the child be eon lined to his lied? Why not develop the home to ils own per fection a place of beauty, and comfort, and pence and let the children have a home of their own tor part of the day. whenln the order und beauty und comfort ure child size? The child could sleep under Ills mother's eye or car and M'aclunlly aspire tu the adult table when he had learned to be comfortable there, and nut Injure' the comfort of others. e .4 Plea for Baby-Sized Home. "He could soon have his own room If the ramlly could afford it, and express his personality in Its arrangement; but the general waking time ot little children could be much be lter passed in a special lioube for children than in the parental kitchen, parlor, bedroom, or buck yard. " Hut why not the private nurse ry the sunny room for the child and his toys? Is not that enough? The private nursery means the private nurse who is as a class unfit to havi the care of little children. A servant Is not a proper pe rson to have charge of these Impressionable years. " Moreover, however pe rfect the private nursery and private nurse might be, there remains its isolation to injurs the child. We grow up untie cessar'ly selfish, aborted In the social faculties proper to our stage of advance because each child Is so in the focus of family atte-ntlon all the time. A number of little ones together for a part of every day, having their advantages In com non, learning from infancy to say ' we ' instead of ' 1 ' would grow up far be tte r able to fill their places as he lpful and happy mi'mbcra of society. "The truth Is we never think of education in connection with babyhood, the term being In our minds inextricably confused wllh schoolhouses and books. When we do honestly admit the plain fact that a child is teeing educateel In every waking hour by the conditions in which he is placed and the pe rsons who are with him we shall be readier to se e the need of a higher class of education than servant girls and a child which contact with more thoughtful outside Influences would easily pre vent. She could e-asily re tain her preeminent place In the child's affections. The mothers love, which is to far strained by the difficulties of rearing children In the home as to give way to Irritability, weariness, and eve n bad temper, would be kept fre sh and unworn; und the child would never learn to elcpise his mother's Irritability and lack of self-control, as. unfortunately, so many children do. To the child, happy anil busy In his hours of education, the home coming would be an eve r new delight, and the home a lovely place to respe c t and enjoy. Can Mother Teach Her Childt " Then rises the' mother's ' I can teac h my baby hotter th en any teache r, howe ve r highly trained.' If the mother can, by all means let her. Hut can she? We do not hear mothers protesting that they can teach their grownup sons and daughters better than the college professors, nor their middle aged children be tteT than the school tenchi'rs. Why, then, are they so certain that they te-neh the babies better tlinn trained baby teachers? They are willing to consult a doctor if the baby Is ill, and gladly submit to his dictation. There Is no wound to maternal pride In this case. " It cannot be too strongly reiterated that maternal love does not necessarily Include wisdom. It is natural for every mother to love her children, but It does not follow that she knows what Is bi'st for them. The animal does know by In stinct; and we, content to take- our pattern of motherhood from the be asls, have imagined that we need nothing more. " It is a pretty sentiment that th mother's love In some mysterious way makes all that she clocks for hlni superior to what another couhl do. 15ut npply the test of fact. Can she, with nil he r love, make as good a shoe as the shoemaker? As good a hairbrush, toothbrush, tumbler, tea cup, pie plate, spoon, fork, or knife- as the- professional manufacturers of Hose things? Does mother love teach her to be a good bar be r? Car. she cut he r darling's hair so as to make him happy? Can she make a good chair, or table, or book, or window? w w mm 9 sIIY not a public nursery ami a public nurse?" aks Mri. Charlotte Perkins Cilman. Ills knotty perplcxltlos of a piece- for children when the landlord eleburs them from tin; house are unraveled. U'.llld the children a house of their ow n. The distresses of paterfamilias buying for ever fresh fiirnlshini-s to replace- bn-akages made by his house's barbarian infant population are turned to Joy. Let the barbnrian Inl'mt dwell among furnishings e.hlch neither little- girl nor little boy doth corrupt, and which Juvenile fingers do not bre-ak through und annihilate. The grievous yoke of niaterfamilins In being lord spir itual and lord temporal to her babies simultaneously with n arlety of other burdens Is made easy and light with a sub limely modern division of labor. dive over baby's training to those who make it their pro I. sslon. Sweeter to baby than the home, sweet home built for grownups Is the home built nnd equipped and populated expressly for him. . Few Provisions for Children. Thus Mrs. Oilman's proposition, and thl.3 her argument: "Children's playgrounds are beginning to sppe-ar at last among people who have long nialiitaiiieil public parks and gardens for adults. Also in the general parks a children's ejmirtcr Is often provided with facilities for their speeial tare and entertainment. But exe-ept for these ran- i-hscs of special playgrounds, except for the qui e generous array of schoolhouses and a few orphan asylums, und kindred In stitutions, there are no Indii-atlons In city or country that there are such people as children. "A visitor from unotlnr planet examining our house's, streets, furniture, and machinery woultl not gather much evldenoe of childhood as a large or Important factor In hu man UXe. The answer to this is prompt and loud: 'Children rr i7r w hich he falls, nnd the fire into which he falls, to the doors to Jam the little fingers, rnd the corners and furniture upon which he bumps himse'lf, the home is full of danger to the child. " Why should a lmby be surrounded with these superfluous evils? A room really designed for babies to play In need have no furniture save a padded seat along the wall for tke grownups to sit on. a seat with little ropes along the edge for the toddlers to pull up nnd walk by. The floor should be smooth and even, antiseptically clean, and not hard enough to bump se vere ly. A baby must fall, but we need not pro vide cobblestones for his first attempts. " Ijuge soft ropes, tunning aoross here and there, within reach of the eager, strong little liand.e, would strengthen arms and chest and help in walking. A shallow pool of water heated to suitable te mperature, with the careful train ers always at hand, would delight, oecnpv, and educate for dally hours. A ple-ce of clean, warm sand, anothe r uf clay, with a few simple tools these four Ihinijs. water, saffl. -l i -. ropes to climb on, would fill the days of happy little- children without further toys. House Full of Limitations. "These- nre- simple, safe, primitive pleasures, all helpful le growth and a mi-ana of gradual education. The home euiinoi furnish these things, nor could the mother give her time und attention to their safe management even It she nurse, carefully plann-d environment than the accommoda tions of the average hiiiiii. Mother's Place in Baby's Life. "The home is not materially built for the convenience of a child, nor are Its necessary workings planm-d that way; and what is more directly evil, the mother is not traiin-d for the positloa of educator. Wt pe rsist In c:e nfoundlng mothe r and teacher. The mother's place Is her oven ami always will be. Nothing can take It from he r. She love s the child the leest. and if not too seriously alle-nati-d the child will love he r the be-st. One of the great advantages of this arrangement will be in its reactive effect on the mother. In free acce ss to the home of the c hildri n f-he will see practically illustrate d the b.-tter methods of treating tin-in. ami be In fre-quent com munication with their educators. "The Isolated mother has no advantage of association or comparison and falls Into cart-Its or evil ways with the "Ask any mother to describe her ehildrcn's complexion, costume-, and tasle s In eating. She- will do it glibly, profusely, and with feeling. Johnny would never touch meat till ho was 1(1; Maud would e-at nothing else; Jessie could never bear potatoes. Maud was nearsighted. She had early taken be r to an oc ulist. She would probably have to we-ar glasse-s always. Jessie was so hard on shoe-s. She used two pairs to Maud's erne e-vc-n worse than Johnny. " Now a.sk her to describe the distinctive mental charac tc ristics of each, nt what age they developed, and what meas ure s she- has taken from ye ar to year to check Jessie's per sonal vanity, to Increase Maud's courage, to develop patience in Johnny. Ask lie r wh.it she has tried for croup, nnel she will discourse freely. Ask her what she has tried for the gt aelual reduction of sc If -consciousne ss, and she looks puz zled. "The human race Is capable of beautiful development In charade r. as we se c- In occasional instances. That such beautiful de vclopme-nt is large ly assisted by right education, especially In the first years. Is proved by a thousand experi ments. rtettcT education for the young of the human race, which surrounds him with helpful Influences from his first consciousness, is an Imperative need. . J Effect of Trained Intelligence. " Any one who knows of the marvelous results obtained by using specially trained intelligence in the care of defective children must wonder grave ly if we might not grow up better witli some- specially trained intelligence- used on our normal children, liut this we cannot have till we make a place- for c hildren. No woman or man with the Intellige nce und edu cation suitable for this great task would be willing to be a private servant in one family. We do not expect It of college or school teache r. We could not expect it of buby teacher. Tlie- wealthy might, of ionise, command ull three; but that has no application to mankind In gene ral, and is also open to grave- question as to its relative- value-. " We cannot havu separately what we have cedlectlvely. Moreover, eve n If the telle l:er lie secured we have- not at home the mate rial advantages open to us In the spe-chilly prepared place for i hilelre-n. A calf in a flowe r garden would do con siderable mischief, or a Ulite-n in i dairy. Why see k to re-ar young creatures In a place where they must do mischief If they behave dlfTiTently from grown people? Why no pro vide for them a place where- their natural activities would not be injurious, but educational? Who Is to Bear the Expense? " Kvcry block could huve its one or more chilel homes, uccording to the: niinibi-r of children I hen -ulaiuts. The chil dren of the- rich would la- saved from the evil effects of too much care und servants' society, und the children of the poor form the in gle i t and low assoc iations of their street bre d lives. " Who is to pay for 1.11 this? The-re lire two answers. One is, the same people who pay for the education of our older children. The- baby his us good a right to his share of our e elocutional funds, private und public, as thu older child; und ills education Is more Important. The other an swer Is that an able bodied mother, relli-ve-d of her position us nursery governess, would be utile to contribute something toward better provision for ner children."