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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 8, 1905)
Il I The almanac fp- i ifica the mutability r, of time and the tm- mutabl'lty of the ah . ' msnacjnkc. A man Is hitting the hiith road to Mixes n hen he he gin to comprehend why he has failed. The Top o' theMornin. 'By W.J). Nesbit. We read a great 1enl iiUout t:ut love, but where is the girl ho would h.ive the path nc to listen to a pro posal if she I ad a face sw oil. n n ill t o o t h a c he and where Is the man who would propose before such a face? A WISH. More Kjcquisites. Mm vm$i?, c AM yV -.; -V2 "f " 7he fae of TeH s simply foJ; He wou'dnot heed fie fyran, f if, big nd brae and fcuffy bo4 He spurned the (old aspirant fte simply came out plain and flat And bis own rights defended; He would not bow to Cessler's hat Upon the pole suspended. Ihen Cessler came upon the scene frd ordered Tell to knuckle; Tell fixed him with his glances keen find gave a scornful chuckle. Ihtn Cessler frowned and knit his brows iA most portentous omen) "Risk your boy's life or mike those bowsl' iWe've lost the boy's cognomen.) Tell smilec, and got his trusty bow, Lhtwise his trusty arrow (Now, WU'iam Tel!, as you should know. Could wing ti e Ueetii.g sparrow Cr he could truly shoot the chutes) So Cessler said: "Now grapple With this one fact for you the boots Unless you cleate the apple." Did Teil succeed ? In your school books The tile is very we told. And Cessler looked some haughty looks When he heard what Bill Tell told. "What did you hide this arrow for?" Asked Cessler of the witard. "I meant to split that apple, or I'd have to harm your giziardl" Thai's all, tcr - it shall endure As acted by Sa vini. (But was it?) And the overture Composed by one Rossini Shall prove that Tell Is not a myth Concocted to deceive us. We've seen the bow he did it with; We hope you will believe us. W'r kn" n man who p:ml 1 fni l .i li'i.ik bout t lie CI i" ' :i ml Is ,;nu quoin. iroin tht bonks to prove th.it the Chin. .' hav u b'-.itin fott a. from the j.i.-k . intel lect, culture ;mcl I is ret nod hf inv.i'li bly "w.ir at fvr Chinre hi u;ul' niii ') he sets. Some of u net so busy rToufi.,nit tht riKhis of of in r- th it we forget we have unv rights of our own. Now there ought to be a pp( i.il set of ex rrcisort to i heve i ye ("tr.tln brought about by rt.i.l.ns physical culture di! ctions. There am seven thousand ni to b beautiful: In nee tlier. are -even thousand chance.-! to In homely All r rc. i pn u :;; : inc lots or u liml tli.it in st :nl of ! ing li. tt i this J .;t I- t III II tt . w. Ils We w Hi li in I lie', to st I lk. i 'l . t . i . l; Will. . ..1 I., i ..I I i -( Sonic of t I.e.- ,l i when .M.H1M- f i i. in! from lloiiouill lll t I.- us ami so s this i n t such a hit; i .1 1.1 r all we mi. going t i ask him w.io s.n-1 a toTni Fi-tj "I wish," said the plodding student, who was preparing for his examinations, " I wish that some philanthropist would donate enough money for the funeral expenses of these dead languages." After enref ul con siihratlon of th. ('itiderelln story e lave decided that sonic good piitii -kin pies wtr. lost to mankind by the work of that fairy god mother. .IS. One of th. fin oi. si things we hear b a man If h. nils in marry a conk doosn't, but he has his fingers cross J. when n worn The man will n asks .say he It la Ktrangv. Ion cream and faoturinK hair hut a a h.ii lonie. fie. klel girl can sell the most complex h ss man usually g.-is rich from manu- I.lf. In the mnln. consists In gettinij enough to eat and nougk to wenr and wishing w had want oihus have to cot and wear. Youn.fr wnni.m ho matter h- i i d.Tly thfl young nian snid It. I at u. mind nlfo that tin pi-arork ook good i Dough to eat. HIS RENDITION. "Shay. ruil.' aid the man wh was clinging to tin lamp post, " wash- n'l I gfi 1' a great poet ? " Hetrllt I life. ol' man." uns el ed tin man who was clinging to the man wh was c linging to the lamp post. " Should shay sho." wi til on the first spe.k.r I,ooR at Klk. Kver in y' life shee shuch boofnl illushtrasluin of his lint sh boul " Th' moon rows ovi r th' city " V LI 'kW I 1 . J ', htm "Ah." aid the sentimental (Jirl. " a man shmilJ he happy if he feels that he can have his wife' trust." " Yei, he houlJ." agreed the practical younf mm. " If he knows that she trusts him all the time, he "That'i ri'ht. hut he'll feel a whole lot better if hj knos that the grocer and the coal man and all the others will trust hini. too." SAf- Need Mot Worry. " I am afraid." said tt.r lady patron, eydng her dress pattern with some prturbance In her lace. " I am afraid I will not cut much of a ligure In this new dress." " Leave all that to me." sus gested the modl.-te. confidntl. " I w 111 cut the figure for you." Some ;irg Is iirgiihiK chance. intents won't st op iiii.trisweralil talkl.ig long IH'lil U.S. einuiL;h the man who to give you a IN SESSION AGAIN. Now risei up the congressman; His eyei with fervor glint And he will thrill the land agaia If he gets " leave to print." r r LITTLE HENRY'S SLATE. j 3 J J J j Ilk: I " I - i, ...s. , .-.ud III 1 . 1 1 s us.1, "l !ia t on I, hl.lllill'oilll til. Ill olllers II. es. ' sllliletl 1 ht h.t: to talk ill broken t;tj i.K.H in I i lew ! i o t ho premier k upon life from a different da n.seilse, French. ' without nttempt 1 have so many .st. Illill m rs ints - I go all know." over the stage on the tip; If il FAIR WARNING. "I've half a mind to kiss you." iiuiionii 1 the callow youth as he ftood In the hallway putting on his gloves. Well," replb-tl the coy young thing. ' If you try that, papa will come out into the hall and demonstrate to vou that you haven't half a mind, even." (OMM FN O A H L t ASPIRATIONS. " Vonng man,'' ask.1 papa Jtiohly. " may I afk your I ii t minus inward lOiiis. are honorable?" "They are. xir." riIi the tremhlinK beau. "Well, don't you think It would Ik- lst If il voted your time and thought to acquiring some lilile fortune before you think of getting married to any one?" ". (sir. 1 am combining the two ambitions. If I marry your daughter 1 will have solved the finan cial problem." Take care of the your heirs. pennies and t lie dimes will take care of Tho Joy of labor is as n. man who gets a chance to Hung companil to (he Joy of the t 11 others of the joy of labor. The Unkind Listener. " U' a groat play, sure," said the enthusiastic dramatist, who was tilling about his new war play. " Why, In the battle scene the air will simply be full of fly Ins ehelU." " Egg?" asked a carping cynic who had witnessed one or two of the enthusiastic dramatist's productions. Redeemed Himself. These biscuits," said the young husband, " take my appe tite." Here the young wife's eyes be gan flushing tire, whereat the young husband continued, hur riedly: " As 1 was abouJ to say, these biscuits take my uk petite that Is er It takes an appetite like mine to to Iher.i Justice." Crushed Asplratloni. He wrote a poam on the snow To iell the tli'ills he felt. The cruel editwr said : "No. T-e know Is apt to -qelt." His Prospects. " I'm going to write a book on ' Iiow to 1' ike a Fortune." " announced the man with the nil in y ennt and the two days' beard. " Hetter wait until you have made one of youi own. before you tell how to do It." suggested the captious listener. "I'm going to make It oft the sale of the book," explained the conlldent man. We know a man w ho hasn't many friends Ix-eacse he Is hon est, and will not tell polite un truths Tor them: and we know mother man w ho iias no friends ul all In cause he is a ilar. An Exceptional Man. : r- r Ji ' 'j SVW "jt - . 5'f V f : f r 9 . t U .ft''-1 . i. J 1 "V i "jf. ".My di ar." snid the penitent husband, set king to establish the entlente cordiale after half un hour's rcmaiks from his betti r half on the subject of hi. shortcoming.-, "your eyts are sloelike." "Are they '.' " s h e snapped. " W. 11, they're quick enough to set through any of your llt games. John Henry I'.ck. 1 want to tell you thut." Fortune Is pictured as a lady. No doubt most of us mlse her because she U doing up her hair when we call. RESEMBLANCES. iH7V!WVi "The neighbors say our baby is the image oi its mother." "Well, my youngest, when it was an infant, was simply me all over again, fat and bald and it was fat, and bawled. I was It Angered Her "And why do you think he is so different from all other men?" asks her father, when she has told him of the proposal. "Because he does not say that if I marry him he w ill make me perfectly happy, but that I will make him perfectly happy." SHE MISUNDERSTOOD HIM dpi 4 ' THE UNREA3CM OF NATURE. ' I have ei leu poi,ii,,es until I hate ihe hik lit of one." said the thin girl. " but I haven't nained a pound ." "Of course not." sighed the fat girl. " I'otatoi s will not fui ten ou when you want to be fai an.) they will If you don't want to be fat " Put Into Practical Usi. " Willie Ooodly," said the prim lady, " 1 shall tell your father of your con duct In making faces at me when you pass mc on the street." " 1 don't care," retorted the little son of the minister. " You're one of tin nt women that give him so many slippers for Christ mas." And lie pufcsed on. rubbing h I m self moodily. lie told mo last even- ESTIMATING HIM. " Mr. Thikked Is fo entertaining," said the beauteous damsel, lug that he believed in living the simple life." "Huh," stated Mr. Iilvalle. "Thikked hasn't got sense enough 10 he anything els but simple." In Chunks. Nit tht Live Stock, iiway " I'shaw ! " i x claimed the aina t ur riflemen, p t ii.u at the un touched target. " that's the second time I've faihd to hit the bull's eye." At this an irate farmer climbed the fenci from an ad Joining Held and ,-lioiited: "Sa y. mister, that's the second time you've thot my cow in the neck." " I can't find my nice, new diary anywhere about the house." aid the fond wife. "My dear," said the brutal husband, " I aent it to an aman uensis to get her to fill In the dates for yon." " What do you mean? " "Just got her to write in the blank for each week day: Went shopping.' " I was afraid," says the young man, " that you would expose your self to comrotnt this afternoon. One of the men we just passed said some thing about ' beauty and the beast.1 " " Then why did you come with me?" An Idyll of Good Resolve. Upon the first of January He laid: "My language it tooewuar-y; My moral tone I'll raise, I vow I'll shun profanity from now. No matter bow incensed I am I shall be silent as a clam I shall not use expressions rash, Shown by a dash. " Hereafter, when I stub my toei Or bump the door against my nose, Or miss the fr ful trolley car I nhall net use herce words that Jarj I shall be mild as any Umb Nor show how truly mad I am. Instead, to bide my rare, I'll couth I shall swear off," Alas, his self-control was weak When in his wrath he had to speak. " My words," he sighed, " I know are rash They leap from blank to double dash. My swear-off seems to be a sham; I cannot shut up like a clam, I cannot play the meek eyed fawn. Shall I swear oat " EhaU I swear on! It seems to me A compromise of sorts should be A compromise 'twnt words and wrath That should give me a middle path." ' At last he found a middle course Whereby he might use words of force, And he, now the Brit days are one, Swears ett and on. Dramatic Amenities. "I," aaid the actor with the Imitation fur lined coat and the puttylens glass eourf I'in, "1 have always claimed that I could play the ghost In Hamlet with wonderful naturalness." He turned to K' t a hetter view of himself in the fcl.tn. and the actor with the hand trimmed cuffs commented solemnly: " Of course you could. I ar gued ten years ago that you were u dead one." Furthir Hreach. The lu'lde returns for the sec ond lime to the home of her parents. " Why, daughter,'' txeluims her mother, "what does this mean?'' " Alumina. I 1 am ho-hom to st-atay." " Home to stay? hy. you canu- home yesterday, after a quarrel with II no. and Ihen returned this morning after he I. ml telephoned that lie wuu wil ling t make it all up." " Ye-yts. Hut, when we had greed to fui get It and forgive tach other and never to quarrel again, we e we go-got boo hoo into an argument over which forgave tlm other first." HubbiBg It In. "What la the mat ter with old Rig gets?" asked the head bookkeeper. "Ever since th first of the year he bus been so cross no one could Hpeak to him." "I understand," said the cashier, "thut when the dealers sent in the hills for his Christmas goods they also si nt announce ments of the entiling advance displays of spring bonnets and dresses." Motherly Jidvice. " 0, mother, may I go out to skate t " " 0, yet, my darling daughter; But heed your mother's sage advice: Be sore you shriek and totter." " 0, mother, pray will you tell me why I " " 0, yes, my darling Carrie. Somebody to teach you how will ly That's how I came to marry," He Does ll For You. Befuse to tip the waiter With malice you've unguessed He spoilt your chance of service: He tips you to tht rest. Author Identified. Who wrote ' I-auth. and the Win id Laughs With You '? " asked the Junior part ner, cunilng Into the office. The senior partner did not look up from his work of knocking the snow out of kin tioUkcrs legs, but said: "Some fellow who had Just tlippul in ; lid and ItU hulf u blotk on iiu it) kiUtWuik ' 1 -'jftsaV-- - . , . Sh Bp V Id the .... .a a 1C 13 prone to indulge in vrilcd iri'Kiii youth, speakinrf of the quick witted younrf laJy. sued sarcasm? echoes the other. "Wh l9St tried to exchange repartee with her she inJulyeJ in baled with mc," sai callow time I sarcasm i