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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 25, 1904)
' Nowhere else on this page t ill yon find tt spelled The highest rt of bishfulness is not to know tvhen yoa are ander the mistletoe. The Top o the Morning y W.D. Nesbit. A LITTLE DELAY. No matter how you frown at the " useful ' present today, within a week yon will be mighty (lad you reeelved It. A BACKSLIDER. Sherlock Hoi mes jr. Also, it la pleasant to think that the day after Chrlstmaa comes but one ft year. Same Old Christmas. am eld Chriitmati lame eld toys, am eld candy. Bams old Boite; liai eld greetings; flame eld imllts Bringing biok the Olden whiles. flame old stories ; flame eld cheer; flame old maids that Soa't get hers; flame eld Jingles; flame eld Jokes flame eld trips to Bee the folks. flame eld faith la Banta Claus Trvest myth that Ever was! lame eld dells and Drams and care lame old Jests About cigars. s lame old neckties Man caa't wear; Same old bells that Thrill the air; Same old giggles, Gasps of " 0 ! " from beneath the Mistletoe. lame old Christmas! flame old tree, Jnst like Christmas Used to be, flame old songs, and All the rest Christmas time is Still the bestt i J- " I must ask the little boys and girls to be patient. The Christmas tree will be returned within an hour. The vigilance committee cap tured Careless Hank, the horse thief, just before supper, and they bor rowed the tree, as there Is not even a telegraph pole this side of Lone Oulch. Let us not fret over the delay, as the tree will be returned in good order." He laugha at the Jokes about Christmas cigars who never bad ft box of them given to him. There are those who aak what la the use of a lounging Jacket when there Is no lounge In the house. " Flossie says she does not believe in letting a man kiss her if she hap pens to stapd beneath the mistletoe." " And she has always claimed to be such a sincere vegetarian I" Is patriotism d e c a y I ng? Within the last two weeks we have been exhorted by va rious placards to remember the Janitor, the elevator boy, the porter, and about every thing elee except -the Maine. We have no censure for the man who receive a hand painted purple cravat, and thereupon goes about pro . claiming that there is no Santa Claus. While It la the spirit of the giver and not the gift. Itself, that counts, most of us will remove the prlcemark before sending the article Magazine editors clamor that Christmas stories must be ao written aa to appeal to women, but no woman oan turn from the holiday adver tisements long enough to read ft Christmas story. Lots of us are Just Soroogey enough to be able to point out half a doxen old Scrooges today. ipoecaBcceooooonoooooooacceomgaaaoaoaelec AT THE CHRISTMAS DINNER. "Everybody seems to wish to drink to your good health tonight, professor," said the daughter of the house. " Yes," replied the professor. " They've made me drink so much in company with their good wishes that I'll have a fearful headache tomorrow." The Watson boy entered Sherlock Holmes' woodshed and found Sherlock Uolmes Jr. busily engsged In deducing the fact that there was a wood pile in front of him, and that he was expected to saw and vplit enough fuel to last for a week. " 8herl." aaid the Watson boy, " do you be lieve there is a Santa Claus?" "Do I believe It? Cert. Why, don't you know how I got on hi trail last Christmas and ran him down?" "No. Tou didn't tell me about It. How was it?" ' Well pa an' ma had been telling me all the time that I ought to be a good boy an' do all the chores as quick an' as well as I could, an' go to bed early, an' all that sort of thing, an' so I did Jst like pa does when he begins deducing." The Watson boy ant down on the sawburk and looked at Sherlock Holmes Jr. with un disguised admirstlon. " What did you deduce?", he Sfked. "In the first place. I didn't deduce any thing until Christmas day. The night before. I hung up my stocking like I always do, an' then I went to bed an' kept one eye open." ' One eye open?" " Tep. That's the way all us good detec tives sleep, you know." " Myl Wasn't you afraid something would drop Into your eye?" "No. Of course not. So, along about mid night, I heard stealthy footsteps in the hall. Now, I reasoned to myself, there can't be footsteps wlthoui feet to make them. An there can't be feet without they belong to some one" ' There's three feet In a yard," argued the Watson boy. " But they don't make footsteps," scorn fully replied the Holmes boy. " They cant make footsteps, can they?' The Watson boy was silenced and the other returned: " So I kept on listening, an' pretty soon the footsteps got right close to tny room, an' I hopped out of bed an' ran to the door." " What did you see? Banta Claus?" "No. I saw pa there In his pajamae. He had his arms full of toys an' things." " So It was him you had heard." " No. X told him what I had been listening to, an' how I had reasoned It all out, an' he patted me on the head an' tald I'd make a great detective some day, that he had heard the something, an' had come to the hall to In vestigate, an' there was Santa Claus, sure as you live! An' pa said he took the presents from Santa Claus an' was bringing them to me." "But that don't prove there la a Santa Claus," aald the Watson boy, from his place on the sawbuck. "It don't? Look here. Pa took me out In the yard the next morning an' allowed me where Santa had slid around In the snow before he got into the house, an' went through a long string of talk Just like he does to your pa when he Is ferreting out some big mystery, an' by Jinks! pa had It all dead to rights about Santa!" " But how did you deduce?" " Easy. Pa's been busted ever since, an' ma didn't get a single thing she wanted, an" pa got a smoking Jacket that fits him like a baby's shirt would, an' don't look tho least like the one Gillette wears, an" a pair of slippers that waa built for steamboat awnings; so there must be a Santa Claus, because nobody else but a stranger would come around at night an" leave auch a lot of misfits." His Objects - "I'm going to give the neighbors' little boy a drum and ft trumpet for Christmas," said the man. "Mercy!" exclaimed his wife, "Why. you are always complaining about the noise from over there alnce the daughter began taking rouslo les sons." . " I know. But mayba tho boy will drown out the piano." Sir Walter Raft's i man Of excellent deportment; He could arfWit a King cr Khan What going Into reurf meant; When Spenser wrote bis faerie Quttne Sir Walter ftalelgb aid tt Betrayed a wit both sharp and clem. We wonder If be read It.) Goes' Queen Clltabetb an day Was tut (perhaps lor shopping) AadKaleigh chanced altng tht war Where ibt in wralb was Hopping. "How can I gtt across that mud f" Sac astro'; and In tbt muddle Sir Walter shewed bit gentle blood Hit cloak toon bridged tht puddle. A tmlle replaced Iht good queen's frown, She paused there for a minute Totet more straight the royal crow. ' (ft fcad ao bat pin In It.) And then the murmured low to Walt.: "Sir. you shall tee my tailor. " he answered: "II I'm worth my tall. Good queen, make me a tailor!" Had to good Queen tliiabelh Gave lint a high position He drew bit pay like drawing breath And led an expedition Tbat tailed across tht raging teat For gold and slaves and cocoa And battled with ibt tiling breeze Along the Orinoco. Alas! It may nave beea Hie cloak Tbat was In mire Imbedded. Or possibly tome wordt be tpoke Thai made hint be beheaded. But let us learn thlt lesson here ' From poor Sir Walter Raleigh: The favor of the great, 'tit queer, Oft bat a grin Untie. Another Heart Embittered. " Ah, .Christmas day at last!" murmured old Scrooge. " And I have followed my Uuual custom of repenting of all my bltternesa of heart, and have been carrying truckloads of turkeys and candles and warm clothing. to the poor and needy, as well aa lavishing oostly, presents upon my relatives. Is there any one I have overlooked f Here his eye wandered to the telephone against the wall. ( " Bless met" he exclaimed. " I had forgotten her. Now, that Is too bad. And all tha stores aro closed, too. The only thing I can do Is to ring up central and wish her a Merry' Christmas. It Is Just a shame that I didn't think of that telephone girl las, night." Rising, he went to the telephono and took down th receiver. "He.lo "What number, please?" asked central. t DELAYED. f ' MAKING HIM GLAD. After all the rest of the family has gone to bed the father creepa to the chimney piece and hangs up his hese both of them. " There," he whispers to himself. " I'll hang them up, anyhow. They're full of holes and wouldn't hold an tiling, but someuow It renews my boyish spirit to follow the old custom." Later, Santa Claus enters. When he sees the father's tapered nose he smiles softly, then draws from his inner pocket a needle and ome yarn and darns the socks neatly. Next clay there Is at least one man who la vowing that the merry, merry Christmas bells never before broke so sweetly upon tne crispy air. HELPFUL THOUGHT. " Alas," sighs the moody man, " there is no gladness for me In thla Joyoua season. "Tut, tut,' says the optimist, " surely there is Utile Henry's Slate. f iay of sunshine for you, aa rkere is for all of us If we but look for It." " No," replies the moody one, "I have not a single friend, a n d no relatives with whom I am on speaking terms." " Cheer up, then," advises the' other, with a shade of envy In his tone. "Can't you be glad because you will not have to buy any Christmas gifts?" i J i J J ACCESSORY BEFORE THE FACT. The children of the doctor will be Just as ill as yours, tomorrow. ' THE UIHU MAIDEN, M I simply will not quarrel with any of my beau:: until after Christmas, confides tha flist damsel. ' " Well, that Idea la exploded," asserts the second. "Of course, If you don't quarrel with them, they will send tha ' usual remembrance on Chrlstmaa, but don't you see, if you do quarrel, then they'll send twice as beautiful a gift as a peaoe offering?" " No number, I Just wanted I f Number, please?" " Not any number. I" " Naught, ten, on what?" " I say not any num " "Eight, naught, ten " ." I'm saying not any number. I" ' " Nine, eight, naught What's the rest of it?" " There isn't any rest of It. I merely wanted " Do you want the chief operator?" " No, I don't want the chief operator. 1 simply want to say" " Is your telephone out of order?" " The telephone Is all right. What I want to tell you Is " . " It's against the rules to carry on conver sations with patrons." " But I " " Do you wish to call a number? " " I wish you " " What number, please?" " Wait a minute. I wish you " " Number?" " Why, consarn you, can't you wait a. minute until a gentleman completes his re mark?" " Please look over the stipulations In your contract. Tour telephone will be taken out if you use ungentlemanly language over the wires." i " Tou misunderstand me, madam. I wish to wish " " If you don't want to call a number, please do not bother us. This is a busy day." " Well, you can" here be yanked the re ceiver and about three feet of wire out of the box" you oan send around tomorrow "he struck the box and Jarred it loose" you can send around tomorrow and get what's left of this confounded machine "he bad the box on the floor and was Jumping up and down on It" and I never again want to see a telephone or ft Christmas or anything else" Kicking the wire and wreckage Into the, corner, he Jammed his hat down over his eyes and hurried out into the street and up to one of bis tenement bouses, where he ordered a helpless widow with eight children to return' the turkey he had given her and either to pay tb,e rent or to vacate the premise. Later in the day he was arrested for swearing at a man who wished him a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. There Is a glow of pride that permeates every man when ha gives money co a poor widow with eight small children on Chrlstmaa day. This glow reours each time a tells of it m " By jinks I I've struck It rich. Just liked a feller for a dime an' be said he'd glva me ten dollars if I'd come to his bouse dis alter noon an' steal a box o' cljars ao' a necktie his wife bad jlven him." The Next Day. It will never perish the quaint old custom of telling how greatly the quaint old custom of hanging up tha hose appeals to us. Also, and furthermore, a great many of the merry Christmas bells will be rung by means of push buttons. And the merry (?) day-after-Christmas bells will be rung by push buttons under the feverish fingers of those who want ioe water and want It quick. Isn't It astonishing how many people forget your ad" dress Just before Christmas? Dear, yea!. The rich little boy who gets the gold mounted automobile will have Just aa much fun out of It as the poor little bey who gets a ten cent toy train. ' By the time aome of us have decided what would bo an appropriate gift the shops are closed. , Tou may bet tbat the rural route mall carriers know exactly bow Santa Claua feels. But did you eyer read that beautiful leather bound gift book komebody gave you lust Chrlstmaa? One way to be happy la not to let the acid of doubt teat the silver plating of friendship. "What made you come so late?' "Didn't know what thne It was. Miss Millyuns told me she was going to hang up her hose and so I had to hang up my watch." Tea, gontle youth, if you aend a ten poukd bog of candy to her she will marvel at your liberality, but she la alao apt to wonder If you do not marvel at her ilppetlta. i ' 0, Mr. Knryua," aaid the hostess, " jf e are so glad to see you. But la not your wife coming ? ' No. You see, the took some of her gifts to the stores to find out what the pricemarks were."