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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 28, 1904)
y ft Intended n a Compllmrnl. tll.M LFniiig nnaks tn a fnrolirn tongue it frequently goes wrong. I Tn fhla truism. And not to anv disposition to be unkind. Is due the fnct that Madame Krnestlne Schumann-Heink hurt Mrs. Honore Pal mer's feelings last Friday at an Informal tea nt the Auditorium hotel, at which both women were ircscnt. After much urging on the part of her friends Mrs. Palmer was Induced to sing. She Is a modest little woman and at first she did not take kindly to the Idea of "showing off" before Madame Schumann Ilelnk. However, she Anally consented. The piece she chose was a difficult oper atic atr, which she -rendered only Indiffer ently well. Some minutes later she pre pared to take her departure. In bidding Erhumann-Helnk goodby she said: "I have enjoyed meeting you very much. Madame. I hoe to be perfect in that air the next time we see each other." Schuraann-Heink bowed and smiled. "Ach, Gott, my dear," she said. In her broken English, "I .hope we shall meet be fore that." Chicago Tribune. A Crafty Wltarai. Th' sensational Bechtel murder trial lit Allentown, Pa., was a succession of sur prises, some of them tragic and horrible, many of them ludicrous. A ludicrous surprise was in the answer that a certain m-ltness made one morning to a Question of District Attorney Llchten wniner's. The district attorney's question related to the geography of the main stuirway of the Bechtel bouse. "Which way," he said, "do those stairs run?" The witness, not to be tripped up, replied With a crafty look: "They run two ways." "Two ways? What do you mean?" "One. way," said the witness, "they run upstairs, and the other way they run down stairs." Ills Hljtht Ut Get Drink. "When I hear people say anything against the president taking a little rest and recreation," said a southern repre sentative, "I am reminded of the story of General Jackson and Major George Croghan. "The latter'a defense of the fort at IjOwer Sandusky against - a force of 1,000 men British regulars and Indians was one of the great feats of the war of 1812. Complaint was made to .General Jackson that Croghan was Indulging In strong drink to such an extent that he should be dismissed from the army. A delegation came to Washington for the purpose of having the major dismissed, but Jackson gave them a cold reception. When their mission was announced, Jackson said: " 'Gentlemen. Major Croghan has hon estly and fairly won the right to get drunk every week, or every day of bts life; and, not only that. It Is my honest and candid opinion the United States should pay for Ms whlaky. Let him drink to his heart's content, by gad, sir! Washington Star. jMkn' Aitbltton Realised. Jackson la a perfectly nane and respect able man of middle age, who for the last ten years has been riding twice a day on the North State street trolley line. Al most every time he baa boarded a cir In all those years Jackson has glance 1 up at the fare register as soon as lie got on board. For some reason, which he can not at all explain, he hail always wanted to catch the register standing at SMO. eo that, when his own fare was rung up, It Would change to four ciphers "WOO. Never until last Saturday evening did he ever cor.-.e nearer to It than 9V00. But wh.-n he climbed on board at 6 o'clock Saturday the register sttKid at 9!i7tf. Only twenty five fares were required to make the grand shift,. and Jackson could not help feeling a little excited. He sat down at the rear end of the cur, so that his fare would be the last taken up Hnd waited developments. W'lien the conductor got back to him the register stood at !W. "Fare," said the conductor, and Jackson handed him a quarter. "Ring up three fares," said Jackson. "( owe you a couple, anyhow." The conductor looked at him suspiciously. "Go ahead. King up three fares. I tell you T owe them." Three times the bell rang and the figure Jumped finally to 0000. Jackson felt as happy as If he had won a thousand dol lars on Uui Stock Kxchange. At the sume time he was a bit ashamed of himself. But one of his oldest ambitious was at last gratified. Chicago Tribune. Not Fit tn Mention. General Fltxhugh Lee sat In the smoking room. "In that statement," he said, referring to a political article In a newspniuT, "there is Just about as much truth as there Is In the old colored preacher's story of Cain's marriage in the land of Nod." "Tell me the colored preacher's story," the Interviewer murmured. General I.ee laughed. "Well," he said, "there was an old colored preacher and he was preaching away in Ms colored church when n white man rose up in I he back rart of the building. " 'Mr. Preacher,' said I lie white man. " 'Sir to you,' said the parson. " 'Mr. Preacher, you are talking about Cain, and you say he got mnrried In the land of Nod after he killed Abel. But the Bible only mentions Adam and Kve and Cain as being on the earth Ht that time. Whom, then, did Cain marry? Did he marry his mother?' "The colored preacher snorted. "Huh!" he said. 'Huh! Yon hcah dat, breddern and sisters? You heah dit fool question I am axed? Cain, he went to de land of Nod, Just as de good book tells us, and tn de land ' Nod Cain gets bo lazy an' so shlf'less dat he up an' marries a gal o" one o' dem no 'count pore white trash fambltes dat de Inspired apostle didn't consider fit tin", to mention In de holy word.' " Misunderstood. Julian Hawthorne, the novelist, visited a Jail some ten or fifteen years ago In order to write a magasine article on prison life. On returning home he described the hor rors he had seen and his description made a deep Impression on bis daughter, Mllde garde, who was a little girl at the time. Mr. Hawthorne and Ilildcgarde, a week later, took a train ride into the country. The train stopped at a station near a gloomy building and a man said: "What place Is that?" "The county Jail," another answered. Whereupon Hildcgarde embarrassed her father and aroused the suspicions of the other occupants of the car by asking In a loud, shrill voice: "Is that the Jail you were in, father?" Buffalo Knqulrer. Looking; for Haritalna. A pleasant looking Irlsji woman walked Into a Philadelphia store and asked the price of the collars she had seen displayed In the window. "Two for a quarter," rsald th clerk. "How much would that be for one?" "Thirteen cents." She pondered. Then, with her forefinger she seemed to tie making invisible calculations on the sleeve of her coat. "Thai," she said, "would make the other collar twllve clnts, wouldn't It? Just give me that wan." Looked Like u Work Inanian. Periodically James Gordon Bennett comes from Kurope to inspect bts newspaper plant In detail and careful prearatlons In all departments usually precede his cuniing, but recently one unhappy printer scandal ized bis fellows by appearing In a semi tipsy condition on the momentous day. The man wax barely able to keep awake, but was still sufficiently .alert to evade the foremun until Mr. Bennett discovered him in person. During an unguarded moment tho tipsy printer had accidentally encoun tered an Ink roller and bis face was cov ered with a thick black smudge of Ink. He did not move during Inspection, but leaned sadly against the wall and returned Mr. Bennett's gaze pathetically. Mr. Bennett said nothing until the moment of leaving and then called the foreman after him. The shop waited anxiously for the result. Presently the foreman returned furious. Stinking his fist in the Ink-smudged coun tenance of bis subordinate he ejaculated: "Say, you wash up an' go home and come bark tomorrow when you are sober." "To get my wages?" stammered the of fender. "Am T bounced?" "Naw!" snorted the foreman In dlfgust. "The. boss saw all the Ink smeared on you and called me out to say that you lock like the only man In the shop that works, and he raised your wages V a week, d you!" New York Times. Ills Prayer. Chaplain Hale no lunger asks senators to Join him in repeating the lord's prayer at the, morning devotions. This arises from tho fact that when he did make the re quest there was no response. This circum stance was the basis of a report, printed In some newspapers, that none of the sena tors knew the prayer. The report In turn became the source of no little anxiety to Dr. Halo. "Can It be possible that such a deplorablo state of affairs exists?" he asked more than one senator, and be was apparently much relieved by the assurances given him that the newspaper report wil without foundation. "I'd Just like to fee the test made," said Senator Tillman when he heard the story. "I fear they'd all he like two fellows they tell about down in South Carolina. They were In peril of losing their Uvea by drown ing, when one of them Insisted the other should pray, notwithstanding his companion remonstrated that he did not know how to pray. " 'Just pray anyhow,' said the other, whereupon th one said: " 'lxrd. make us thankful for what we are about to receive.' " Washington Post. A Discovery of Asserlen. Ono of the most recent "Parsifal'' per formances at the Metropolitan opera house was attended by a large delegation of music lovers from Philadelphia, who had bought up most of the first floor seats for the occasion. A certain well-known opera goer met a Journalistic friend while prom euadhig in the lobby after the first act, and they stoptMul to discuss the merits of the performance. - "Did you know," said the friend, "that there's a fcarty of 40U Philadclphlans in tho house tonight?" "Indeed?" replied the first-nighter. "Why don't you Interview them and get their Im pressions of America?" Harper's Weekly. Test of Kindness. This story is told at the expense of a recently aplHimted sucrvlsor of a public school In Philadelphia : One day she hap pened to bo vlsiling a school where a young incorrigible was undergoing jiun lMiine: I for u series of misdemeanors. The teacher cited him as "the worst buy In the school one 1 can't lu anything Willi, I've tried everything In the way of punish ment." "Have you tried kindness?" was the gen tle Inquiry of the other lady. "I did at first, but I've got beyond that now." At the close of the session the lady asked tho boy If he would call and Nee her on tho following Saturday. The boy arrived promptly at the hour appointed. The lady showed htm her liest pictures, played hi r liveliest music and set before him a lunch eon on her daintiest china, when slut thought it about time to Is-gln her little sermon, "My dear," she liegsn, "were you not very unhappy to have to stand In the cor ner before all the class for punishment?" "Please, ma'am," broke in tlio boy, with his mouth full of cake, "that wasn't tue you saw. It was Pete, and he guve me 10 cents to come here and tako your Jawing." Philadelphia ledger. (ilTlniK Them Their Money's Worth. When entertaining an after dinner parly Congressman J. Adam Ueilu sometimes rat tles along like a v.iudevlll. monologue per former. Here uru a couple of samplo bricks: "Two Irishmen were sitting up at a wake and one asked. 'Phwat did Mike din of?' 'Gangrene,' said the other, 'let us be thankful for the color.' sighed his friend.'' Hardly waiting for the laugh which greeted the alsive Mr. Bdo continued: "The west Is a pretty good country. I suppose you have all lieen there. We've got a good deal 1 of scenery. I asked the conductor of a train that got Into St. Paul two days late wnat had delayed him. 'A half mile cf scenety fell down on the track,' he re plied." And in this fashion Mr. Bode pro .coeds for a geodly portion of his speeches to give the banqueters th value of llielr money In paying his expenses back and forth from Washington. Chose the Wrona School. "There were two sisters living cp In my state," said Senator Burrows of Michigan, "who were fond of each other and all that, but who worried constantly about the two great schools of medicine. One pinned her fiii'h to allopathy and the other to homeo pathy. One day there was great excite ment In the family of the lady who be lieved in homeopathy, and It was sooa an nounced that she was the mother of bounc ing twin loys. "The other sister came down In a hurry. 'Well,' she said, 'now you see what's hap pened. I wanted you to have un allopath doctor. After this. I fancy, you will listen to me.' "-Philadelphia Press. How It Happened. "Fortune, you know, knocks at every man's door once." "That explains it." "Kxplalns what?" "How we came to mlus her. Why In thunder rion't she ring the bell? We never pay any attention to knocks." Chi cago Post.