s Gleanings from Story Ilrliltli ollliers In tin Trans n Iki a r Hullin'il 10 enjoy n ', whatever tin' reaction, nro di-llKhted wllli mi nnecdoto relat ion in mi Interview between Kltchuncr anil the liner Ki'iicral. Ilotha, says Youth' t'om liaiiliin. At tin- rmii'liiMlnn (if llii' fruitless confer eiiro to nrraliKe terms of pence Ilotha KM 111. Well, I muni lie ((Hie." "Don't Im In a hurry," said Kitchener, luiHiltalily. "Vim haven't not to catch a iraln." "Hill that's Jum what I have nut to dn." .niHHi reil lloilia. h he look IiIh leave. Anil ho he hail, for two days later he iiiiikIii ami looleil a train on the lielnuo.i Mint not far from Hie place of meetlm,'. (ionil-niiliiteil May Irwin Ih cxc-eHslvelv ff nit I of ehlhlren, reports the New York 'I'lllieH. It wilt, therefore, no surprise to Ihe elevalor I Ill one of Ihe Hill ollli-o liillldltiKH, where the actress liaH business freiiuently, when the woman looked with deep afreelloll Upon tho form of a liov of 12 mitlieil In clothes that hail Ihe cut of those of a man. l-'lnnlly Miss Irwin. lieiiniliiK iIovmi upon the illmlniitUe form. hiiIi! In the elevalor man- Isn't he InleieKllim''" "The Interestlne," little l'ty lurncil up to her a eouiileuaiicit that Ihe yearn hadn't touched lightly. "Madam," he Hald slowly. "If vou please, I am IH." The act rem Klnmmered la cotifuslnii "Hut i rally, you are Inienwllim" Then the two walked up llriiadwny lo KOther. In the dwarf Miss Irwin rccoK nlml (Ismail Rarilnti, one nf the best known Llllputlnns on the vaudeville circuit. Thai wiih how tint ncipialntance of the actress, wlio Ik certnlnly iiolhlm; of a l.ltlpullnn. and Ihe dwnrf Ih-kiiii llefntii .loseph .leffo'rHon hecanie ho well known ami dnrliiK the menioralile run or "Itlp Van Winkle" at Ilooth'H old thcalcr, New York fit y. siiinobodv bciiI him n check made payable In him self. The amount linn no especial liearliiK upon the anecdote Jefferson needed the money nml after InrtnrsliiK 'he check pritHMiled It for payment nt the liank "Vou will hnve to lie accompanied by Homeone who will Identify you before I nm privileged to cash your check." said the paylni; teller politely. .lefforf-on Insisted that It was Impossible for him to do so before the time came for Ilin bank In close nnd that he was In Im mediate need of the nionev. Hut the pny Iiik teller was linmovnbliv Turning away nml wiilkliiK toward the dnor .lelTerson snhl sadly "If iiiv d"K Schneider was here he would Identify me." "Here," called Ihe paylni,' teller, "Mr Jefferson, hand me your check. There's but onit man In the world who can say Iboso words " Socrotnrv Hool has n Kft . not unlike Lincoln's, of Infusing humor Into the la borious details of official duties. Tim war secretary's ofllee has been tliroUKliout the administration an extremely busy one, re lates the Rnturdny Evening Tost. Now the hurrying demnnds of war have been supplanted by the oxnrtltiK responsibilities of preparing military itnverntnont for the colonies, not to speak of the multiplying affairs of remilar army business. Hut Sorretnry Moot, ulthoimh possessed of unusual capacity for hard and prolonged work, seems never to be hurried, and will occasionally pause In the midst of revolvltiR routine to entertain his associates or vls llois with some pleasant remark few days uro he was siiporlntondliiK the work of revision the Cuban tariff. Item after Item was drearllv i?eiu over, and to the assembled clerks II seemed that the secretary was not, on this ocrnslon, to en liven the proceedings with his customary wit. Suddenly his face lightened up. lie had come across the word "Iukkiikc" writ ten Into tho tariff, evidently by some llrltlsher amoiiK the el-uks "I.UKKaKo'" exclaimed the secretary, "hero at last Is unmistakable evidence that our cnuntrv Is drlftltiK Into Imperialism." l'aul On Chnlllu, the noted traveler, who linn a number of pleasant acquaintances In Chit-anil, was lending man In an odd Utile scene shortly before his recent departure for the old world. He was spendltiK a few days at the house of a llfclonK friend, whose pretty daunhter has lately made her debut In society, flue nfternoon he nuleth en tered Ihe library for a book and found the Klrl seated In a law clmlr by a window humming an old Scotch souk She made a pretty picture and l'u rhalllu stood watch ItiK her until slut sani; An' n laddie tirave he'd be Who to touch my lips would dare. Tho traveler decided to accept the chnl Iciiko, as might a man old eiioiiKh to be her Kraudfather and who had carried the singer In his arms when she was In loim clothes. Stepping forward ho wave an Imitation of the "laddie" who "would dare." The tall yniuiK benuty rose In apparent wrath and, towerliiK above the humiliated little mnn. delivered a declaration of Independence and scnthlnK rebuko that brnuRht smmt'.-rltiK quests upon the scene. "How daro you." concluded the glowing Klrl-M. llu Challlu had never seen her look rtn: VII III Juke the Teller's Pack f'hnlllu, take advantage of my helplessness to MtenI a kiss from me!" Then, with Inimitable (truce, sinking upon her knees so that her rosebud of a mouth was Just temptingly below the old travel er's, sho demanded with a bewitching smile- "Paul )n t'halllu, put It hack!" The startled traveler was not slow to ac cept Ihe Invitation, though In ilnlnc so his manner lacked much of Its ncciitomed Krncn because of his temporary confusion. 1.. "Itear Admiral Schley Is as bravo an a Hon," said Klrst Serjeant (Icorso Hoyce, formerly of the United States Marine corps, who drills the boys at the Brooklyn Trtlnnt school nnd Brooklyn Disciplinary Training school, to a New Vork World man, "I wns master-nt-arms aboard the Essex In the '7ns and I saw Schley under coiiiIUIoiih fit to try Ihe bravest man lie was In command of tho Essex. "Wo were on the way from Montevideo lo Mlo Janeiro when a typhoon struck us. Our shaft was broken and our bulwarks swept away l-'or three days tho hntches were tint' Plied down and Schley was lashed to the bridge Even coffee-mnklnK was Im possible and Schley lived on biscuit. "When we i;tit to the harbor outside Simar l.oaf mountain at Mlo the weather fell dead calm nnd a tin; came out to tow us In. "'How much'' asked Schley. " 'Five hundred dollars, ' said the tu mnn. " 'Walt till 'J o'clock nnd we'll tow you In,' snld Schloy. "Ito knew that at 2 o'clock each day there Is a breeze at Itlo which the people there call 'the doctor.' "Sum enough, at 2 o'clock 'the doctor' camo nloiiK and wn nave (lie people of Hlo llu; unUHiial spectacle nf an American man-of-war under full sail. We sailed Into the harbor In uraud style anil came to anchor as well as If we had had the tUR." One, of tho best known raconteurs In the south Is Hev. Charles Ijuip of Atlanta, re lates tho New York Times. Ho Is thor oughly unconventional, but Is possessed of an Inexhniwtlblo supply of anecdotes. .Mr. I.ano was one of n party of ministers who were recently illnlni; with Rev. Dr. T. He Witt TnlimiKP at tho homo of Evnn I' Howell in Atlanta tlr Tnlmai;e wiih per sonally a stranger to most of the prencheis picscnt nnd the dinner seemed rather cold ami formal, differing In this respect from most southern gatherings, Finally some one suggitdcd to Mr Iine Hint ho try to liven things up. He then proceeded to tell the following story, which completely frnc- tuied tho Ice nnd mndo everyono acquainted with everyono else Hint was there- "A few years ago there might have been neon walking the decks nf an Atlantic steamer a man, apparently a rustle Inhab itant, seemingly In deep distress A fellow passenger having observed the manifesta tions of the man's obvious grief for Bevcrnl days, finally went to him and nskrd, sym pathetically "'My friend, I have noticed your distress for several days and. thinking that perhaps I might be of some assNtnucp, venturo to ask If any member of your family Is dead.' "'No.' replied the mnn. 'nobody dead ' " 'Well, you are probably suffering from some serious business misfortune, I pre sume,' continued the questioner. " 'No; no business trouble.' " 'Might I ask, then, whnt the trouble Is?' " 'Well, I'm on my weddln' trip," re sponded the mnn, seriously. " 'On your wedding trip? Why, 1 nlwnys thought Hint was a time nf grcnt rejoicing' " 'Yes, bill my wife's not with me,' re plied the disturbed mnn. " 'Your wife not with you! I never heard of n man taking a wedding trip when his wife was not with him.' "'Well, you see. It wns this way: Wo didn't hnve money enough for both nf us to go, hut ns tho thing had ter be tuck, I'm taking It bv rnvseif ' "There wns nn ntricer In the regulnr army who Is stationed not n hundred miles nwny from rjovernnr's Island this very dny," said a West Pointer to n New York Journnl mnn. "who would never hnve graduated at the academy had It not been for his rool nerve plus his quick wit nn n trying occasion." And the West 1'nlnter went on to tell of the cause and effect nf thnt nerve nnd quick wit. Twenty odd years ago, when ho wns nt West Point, thero wns n endot thcro who "funked" In his finnl oxnmlnatlon In his fourth year. Hp wns a popular fellow nnd nil his classmates felt sorry for him. Thoyi were nil to doff the grny for the bluo In I n few days nnd tho poor fellow It hnd i lenked out despite regulations would be declared on grnduntlon day "deficient" the only one out of a class of more than sixty. it so hnppened that a night or two before grnduntlon dny Mr. X let him be called thnt wns obliged to he on sentry duty. The officer of the gunrd thnt night got a sudden Iden Into hU hend; the cadet might bo so dlshenrtened thnt ho would be neglectful of his duty. He would test him see If ho hnd "soldier stuff" In h'.m, even though nil odds wore ngalnst his future. it w.-ts a dark, rainy nlht. Tho officer of tho guard suddenly came acroM endet's pott. Tim click of steel at the same time wnmoA the Intruder that the sentry's keen THE ILLUSTRATED BEK quick hearing had detected tho stealthy Hteps oj the wet sod. Then came out In a half mullled voice. "Who goes there?" This wns the moment the olllcer of the guard had fixed In his mind fur a test of the cadet's soldierly qualities. The answer came quickly to the sentry's challenge "Nobody." To the nmaement of the olllcer the cadet 'limit to a "right shoulder shift," ns It was called III those days, paced by him and aald "All right, my orders are to let nobody pass, major." The cadet had recogllled the 0 til i er Ills answer, ccn It not regular In a military sense, was correct, hut It was a tough one on the major. The story was so good it could not keep, and It went lo Washington "To make a long story short." huh! tin West I'llnter, "that answer, undt r the i-lrcumst inces, won Inllileni e enough for that cad -t not to leave the academy as n 'detlclent ' but merely to be put back ft r anoi her . ear's chance. Uesulf lie gradu Jilt 1 will, high honors in the following June ami smis my commander lu the Philippines six montl h ago." I Tom Johnson's Way j Major W. J. (ileason appeared before the board of control uuo day last month uud announceil that hu wished to make a com plaint. "Co ahead," said .Mayor Tom I.. Johnson. "The Dig Consolidated Street Car com pany is preparing to relay Its tracks on Cedar incline and put down the old cobble stones between tracks." "What's the kick?" They're an eyesore and--" "Come forward, Mr, Met'ormlck," call-d the inayur of tho manager of the Hlg Con solidated. "We're only relaying one track," said McCornilck, "next year we'll relay the other nml put down Medina block stone be tween both tracks," "1b that .latlsfaotory, Mr. Cileason?" asked the mayor. "Yes, If they do It." "Will you write a letter to the board agreeing to do that?" Inquired the mayor of Mr. .McCornilck. "I will." "Another thing," said Major (Ikasoti, "they're putting these cobble stones on our lawns." "Will you repair all lawns?" said the mayor, turning to McCornilck. "Wo are willing to do anything we can." "Will you repair the lawns?" "We'll put down boards and protect them." "Will you repair the lawns?" "I'm-er-yes " "Will you Include that In your letter'" "Yin." "Are you satisfied, major?" "I am." "What's the next business?" Inquired tho mayor. Ileforo the board niljoui lied Manager Mo Cormlck returned with the letter in ques tion. "Hold on," exclaimed the mayor, "this don't say you are going to relay iho . ond track next summer. If you don't r.gree lo relay It we'll make you pae boi.voeli tho tracks you are now tearing up with block stone If we can." "I think we will relay the second track next summer, hut if you insist on that I want to consider the mutter further." "All right. How long do you want?" "Until tomorrow." "Have you begun laying any of those cobblestones?" "Yes." "Stop it, will you. until we agiee ni that second track?" "1 don't know ns I should.'' "Then you won't?" "I don't know why I should." "Tom (Jalvln," cried the mayor The deputy director of public works came for ward, "(lo right to Cedar avenue ami slop the men who nro relnylng cobblestones thpre. Don't allow them to begin until you hear from this board." (Jalvln hustled out. McCormlck's face Hushed, but he didn't have a word to say Meat Detroit I-'ree Press: They were speaking of the bllllonalro'H Insufferable pretensions "Cpon what meat does this our Caesar feed that ho has grown so great'" exclaimed Mordaunt bitterly. "Mint's meat, possibly!" observed Mel travers, trying to bo cheaply witty while yet preserving tho ensy grace of a man of the world. SALESMEN and AGENTS WANTED PIC WACES-Hur Fimoot iltrful InveoilOD nvt Ml r. r4I.IHHl lrr.l7 mlj, l.mo! enormous. r;tcr;Do.ij du;i. Ortr th. Mtehen itort it fur nlibrs rim! of dUtlllrJ, trr 3 ttrjilrlriilaf v.ttr, pur, it- IMlUIIra Wtter urt I)ItpP' Rlotntih, Itotrtl, HUd.j. lllllr ni lU.rl Trnbl.i, Jrprffnti teirr tot tlrliDfii 3Tr;Vrlti-rr ItuoWld. Xw lf l,Uii,Ti rni.rH-. KltKK. liurrluiu MI'b. '., CI llirti.ou lllj llarloattl, II- Hn, WIikIoii'ii 'iMHtilim riii has tieen used for over KIprT TEARS by MILLIONS of MOTHERS for their CHIL DREN WHILE TEETHING, with PER i.'i.'1'T snni'KSS. IT SOflTllirn it,, nun. 11 the' SOFTENS the Ql'MS, ALLAYS all PAIN, ledy for DIARRHOEA Hold by drusilsta In every part of the world. lift IUre and asx ror .Mrs. insiuw onoming Byrup and take no other kind Twsnty-flr aeata r UUWIC. x TT kruicrsvmi inuime ensul I. 9iumi ui 1 1 I I t fSy) of C)',."5 nr L'1'!!' IS g used i'i luastniK Br) fUON COFFEE I It is .ill i 'IT' "iff -tffi'i' 1 str..tij ami .1 (U-lii Pius tl.iMir. rM 1 s, r,,(f. .s .ire irti-li' il with I a i t i q i itinc "f Uu. I'll- or f title r i ij l! iii.i"iis . t.liii es. F t -i i -., iiMnr. uniform v THE pedENT -SHOE Co No, We Don't Sell you a $3.50 snot: marked up to (5.00 nnd $0.00 but we do sell you the same ouuiltj sdioe other ask Jo.t-0 anil fO.no for at $3.'.0 your ihoiie of nn lcallnr-We charge $2.50 tor the same shoe othura sell for (3.50. Investigate this. Regent Shoe Co, j i,-. mm 'rii i ,-.tii stui;i:t. Bend for Illustrated Catalogue. Perfection in Brewing Illuo HIbbon Hottled Heer, the perfect brew. Perfection of beer can only be nt tntneil bv the most perfect surroundings, modern principles In brewing, up-to-dnte utensils, perfectly pure wnter and tho choicest barley, mnlt nnd hops. Tin- liiime of Hlue ltllilion Is one of tho must perfectly appointed breweries In the world The brewing. bi.ttllliK and ster ilizing of Hlue lilhhoii Is the pride of tho lirewi-rv In n word. Hlue million Is nil that Is possible In a high grade beer. See that the best, and only the best, enters your homes Ordering ft caso wins a new customer Storz Brewing Company Telephone I '2(10. 414-416 South Twelfth Sti Tel. 1604 OMAHA, NEU. KEARNEY MILITARY ACADEMY KEARNEY. NEB MAKER WEARER ft - nc mwmmm m Ret viz ilk fe11! of I I 414-416 South Twelfth Stn-t ' I Tel. 1G04 OMAHA, NKU. I A boardlnK school for boys under the military system. Gymnasium. Manual trnlnlnn Dept Prepare boys for colleg-e. Ideal climate Terms low on account of endowment Send postal enrd for Illus trated eataloKiie to , HARRY N Rl'SSKLL. Head Master UON'T BOHKOW TROUBLE." BU SAPOLIO 'TIS CHEAPER IM THE END. AtlRllRt 11. W01. ilk Choice Confectionery COLD MEDAL, Chocolate Bon-Bons STRICTLY .Sent by Expreii boxes 60c pound. Ill Oil SHADE In 1, 1, t and 6-pound W. S. Balduff, lrUO Fnrniiiii St., Omnlin. ?4 MONARCH of all BEERS A Summer Drink 'Hint reaches the thirst spin ami makes miii stronger and healthier for the drink ing MKTK'S l-'INH UOTTLHU HKKIl Hrewetl anil bottled in Omaha by Metz Bros. Brewing Co., iiotti.hd iiicmt. HKIC WCI) AND DOTTI.MU IN OMAHA 'l'leilniiK' I III. i.irmn i.v ruifH tn lerinim-i- ' ,t rmc.t irnlcit Z.i hi Svifr fne only International Dentifrice. The Standard lor jo years. rreHPrveH nnd w liltens the teelli, strenKtlinn. i.ln Kiuuit-nwt'i'teiis ttie breutu sje at All Druggists. C H.5TRON(l&CU.,Prop.,6hlcaKO,U.h A. The Chicago Record rn 61 of 1bi Type wr.iers In dally uie YOST If you want a typewriter, why not come first where you can see EVBHV OOOD SORT OF TYPE WHITER In Its best formT TYPEWRITER all kinds for SUPPLIES all machtnes TYPEWRITERS RENTED. TYPEWRITERS REPAIRED New Century Tbe finest catalogue ever Itiued ii yours for the asking. WrlteorCall. United Typewriter and Supply Co,, 11114 I'ttrnuui St., Omuba. mm THIAL.TnKATMK.NT 1'ltKK. We will furfoltasofur uny caae of Intrrnal.Kxl-riilir ItrliltiK I lira the llrrm lllr Cure fall C11 cute. -Inttant ami ptrmanf lit rf llff. Write at unre. Urrm Mt-airHo 215 K 3d st,,'liirlniinll. .'J . . II Du eyej were upon him nt least, that his a bottla. so beautiful "how rtnro you, raui