s
Gleanings from
Story
Ilrliltli ollliers In tin Trans
n Iki a r Hullin'il 10 enjoy n
', whatever tin' reaction, nro
di-llKhted wllli mi nnecdoto relat
ion in mi Interview between Kltchuncr anil
the liner Ki'iicral. Ilotha, says Youth' t'om
liaiiliin. At tin- rmii'liiMlnn (if llii' fruitless confer
eiiro to nrraliKe terms of pence Ilotha
KM 111.
Well, I muni lie ((Hie."
"Don't Im In a hurry," said Kitchener,
luiHiltalily. "Vim haven't not to catch a
iraln."
"Hill that's Jum what I have nut to dn."
.niHHi reil lloilia. h he look IiIh leave.
Anil ho he hail, for two days later he
iiiiikIii ami looleil a train on the lielnuo.i
Mint not far from Hie place of meetlm,'.
(ionil-niiliiteil May Irwin Ih cxc-eHslvelv
ff nit I of ehlhlren, reports the New York
'I'lllieH. It wilt, therefore, no surprise to
Ihe elevalor I Ill one of Ihe Hill ollli-o
liillldltiKH, where the actress liaH business
freiiuently, when the woman looked with
deep afreelloll Upon tho form of a liov
of 12 mitlieil In clothes that hail Ihe cut
of those of a man. l-'lnnlly Miss Irwin.
lieiiniliiK iIovmi upon the illmlniitUe form.
hiiIi! In the elevalor man-
Isn't he InleieKllim''"
"The Interestlne," little l'ty lurncil up
to her a eouiileuaiicit that Ihe yearn hadn't
touched lightly.
"Madam," he Hald slowly. "If vou please,
I am IH."
The act rem Klnmmered la cotifuslnii
"Hut i rally, you are Inienwllim"
Then the two walked up llriiadwny lo
KOther. In the dwarf Miss Irwin rccoK
nlml (Ismail Rarilnti, one nf the best known
Llllputlnns on the vaudeville circuit. Thai
wiih how tint ncipialntance of the actress,
wlio Ik certnlnly iiolhlm; of a l.ltlpullnn.
and Ihe dwnrf Ih-kiiii
llefntii .loseph .leffo'rHon hecanie ho well
known ami dnrliiK the menioralile run or
"Itlp Van Winkle" at Ilooth'H old thcalcr,
New York fit y. siiinobodv bciiI him
n check made payable In him
self. The amount linn no especial
liearliiK upon the anecdote Jefferson needed
the money nml after InrtnrsliiK 'he check
pritHMiled It for payment nt the liank
"Vou will hnve to lie accompanied by
Homeone who will Identify you before I
nm privileged to cash your check." said
the paylni; teller politely.
.lefforf-on Insisted that It was Impossible
for him to do so before the time came for
Ilin bank In close nnd that he was In Im
mediate need of the nionev. Hut the pny
Iiik teller was linmovnbliv Turning away
nml wiilkliiK toward the dnor .lelTerson snhl
sadly
"If iiiv d"K Schneider was here he would
Identify me."
"Here," called Ihe paylni,' teller, "Mr
Jefferson, hand me your check. There's
but onit man In the world who can say
Iboso words "
Socrotnrv Hool has n Kft . not unlike
Lincoln's, of Infusing humor Into the la
borious details of official duties. Tim war
secretary's ofllee has been tliroUKliout the
administration an extremely busy one, re
lates the Rnturdny Evening Tost. Now
the hurrying demnnds of war have been
supplanted by the oxnrtltiK responsibilities
of preparing military itnverntnont for the
colonies, not to speak of the multiplying
affairs of remilar army business.
Hut Sorretnry Moot, ulthoimh possessed
of unusual capacity for hard and prolonged
work, seems never to be hurried, and will
occasionally pause In the midst of revolvltiR
routine to entertain his associates or vls
llois with some pleasant remark
few days uro he was siiporlntondliiK
the work of revision the Cuban tariff. Item
after Item was drearllv i?eiu over, and to
the assembled clerks II seemed that the
secretary was not, on this ocrnslon, to en
liven the proceedings with his customary
wit. Suddenly his face lightened up. lie
had come across the word "Iukkiikc" writ
ten Into tho tariff, evidently by some
llrltlsher amoiiK the el-uks
"I.UKKaKo'" exclaimed the secretary,
"hero at last Is unmistakable evidence that
our cnuntrv Is drlftltiK Into Imperialism."
l'aul On Chnlllu, the noted traveler, who
linn a number of pleasant acquaintances In
Chit-anil, was lending man In an odd Utile
scene shortly before his recent departure
for the old world. He was spendltiK a few
days at the house of a llfclonK friend, whose
pretty daunhter has lately made her debut
In society, flue nfternoon he nuleth en
tered Ihe library for a book and found the
Klrl seated In a law clmlr by a window
humming an old Scotch souk She made a
pretty picture and l'u rhalllu stood watch
ItiK her until slut sani;
An' n laddie tirave he'd be
Who to touch my lips would dare.
Tho traveler decided to accept the chnl
Iciiko, as might a man old eiioiiKh to be her
Kraudfather and who had carried the singer
In his arms when she was In loim clothes.
Stepping forward ho wave an Imitation of
the "laddie" who "would dare." The tall
yniuiK benuty rose In apparent wrath and,
towerliiK above the humiliated little mnn.
delivered a declaration of Independence and
scnthlnK rebuko that brnuRht smmt'.-rltiK
quests upon the scene.
"How daro you." concluded the glowing
Klrl-M. llu Challlu had never seen her look
rtn:
VII III
Juke
the
Teller's Pack
f'hnlllu, take advantage of my helplessness
to MtenI a kiss from me!"
Then, with Inimitable (truce, sinking upon
her knees so that her rosebud of a mouth
was Just temptingly below the old travel
er's, sho demanded with a bewitching
smile- "Paul )n t'halllu, put It hack!"
The startled traveler was not slow to ac
cept Ihe Invitation, though In ilnlnc so his
manner lacked much of Its ncciitomed
Krncn because of his temporary confusion.
1..
"Itear Admiral Schley Is as bravo an a
Hon," said Klrst Serjeant (Icorso Hoyce,
formerly of the United States Marine corps,
who drills the boys at the Brooklyn Trtlnnt
school nnd Brooklyn Disciplinary Training
school, to a New Vork World man, "I wns
master-nt-arms aboard the Essex In the
'7ns and I saw Schley under coiiiIUIoiih fit to
try Ihe bravest man lie was In command
of tho Essex.
"Wo were on the way from Montevideo
lo Mlo Janeiro when a typhoon struck us.
Our shaft was broken and our bulwarks
swept away l-'or three days tho hntches
were tint' Plied down and Schley was lashed
to the bridge Even coffee-mnklnK was Im
possible and Schley lived on biscuit.
"When we i;tit to the harbor outside Simar
l.oaf mountain at Mlo the weather fell dead
calm nnd a tin; came out to tow us In.
"'How much'' asked Schley.
" 'Five hundred dollars, ' said the tu
mnn. " 'Walt till 'J o'clock nnd we'll tow you
In,' snld Schloy.
"Ito knew that at 2 o'clock each day there
Is a breeze at Itlo which the people there
call 'the doctor.'
"Sum enough, at 2 o'clock 'the doctor'
camo nloiiK and wn nave (lie people of Hlo
llu; unUHiial spectacle nf an American man-of-war
under full sail. We sailed Into the
harbor In uraud style anil came to anchor
as well as If we had had the tUR."
One, of tho best known raconteurs In the
south Is Hev. Charles Ijuip of Atlanta, re
lates tho New York Times. Ho Is thor
oughly unconventional, but Is possessed of
an Inexhniwtlblo supply of anecdotes. .Mr.
I.ano was one of n party of ministers who
were recently illnlni; with Rev. Dr. T. He
Witt TnlimiKP at tho homo of Evnn I'
Howell in Atlanta tlr Tnlmai;e wiih per
sonally a stranger to most of the prencheis
picscnt nnd the dinner seemed rather cold
ami formal, differing In this respect from
most southern gatherings, Finally some
one suggitdcd to Mr Iine Hint ho try to
liven things up. He then proceeded to tell
the following story, which completely frnc-
tuied tho Ice nnd mndo everyono acquainted
with everyono else Hint was there-
"A few years ago there might have been
neon walking the decks nf an Atlantic
steamer a man, apparently a rustle Inhab
itant, seemingly In deep distress A fellow
passenger having observed the manifesta
tions of the man's obvious grief for Bevcrnl
days, finally went to him and nskrd, sym
pathetically "'My friend, I have noticed your distress
for several days and. thinking that perhaps
I might be of some assNtnucp, venturo to
ask If any member of your family Is dead.'
"'No.' replied the mnn. 'nobody dead '
" 'Well, you are probably suffering from
some serious business misfortune, I pre
sume,' continued the questioner.
" 'No; no business trouble.'
" 'Might I ask, then, whnt the trouble Is?'
" 'Well, I'm on my weddln' trip," re
sponded the mnn, seriously.
" 'On your wedding trip? Why, 1 nlwnys
thought Hint was a time nf grcnt rejoicing'
" 'Yes, bill my wife's not with me,' re
plied the disturbed mnn.
" 'Your wife not with you! I never heard
of n man taking a wedding trip when his
wife was not with him.'
"'Well, you see. It wns this way: Wo
didn't hnve money enough for both nf us to
go, hut ns tho thing had ter be tuck, I'm
taking It bv rnvseif '
"There wns nn ntricer In the regulnr army
who Is stationed not n hundred miles nwny
from rjovernnr's Island this very dny," said a
West Pointer to n New York Journnl mnn.
"who would never hnve graduated at the
academy had It not been for his rool nerve
plus his quick wit nn n trying occasion."
And the West 1'nlnter went on to tell of the
cause and effect nf thnt nerve nnd quick
wit.
Twenty odd years ago, when ho wns nt
West Point, thero wns n endot thcro who
"funked" In his finnl oxnmlnatlon In his
fourth year. Hp wns a popular fellow nnd
nil his classmates felt sorry for him. Thoyi
were nil to doff the grny for the bluo In I
n few days nnd tho poor fellow It hnd i
lenked out despite regulations would be
declared on grnduntlon day "deficient"
the only one out of a class of more than
sixty.
it so hnppened that a night or two before
grnduntlon dny Mr. X let him be called thnt
wns obliged to he on sentry duty. The
officer of the gunrd thnt night got a sudden
Iden Into hU hend; the cadet might bo so
dlshenrtened thnt ho would be neglectful
of his duty. He would test him see If ho
hnd "soldier stuff" In h'.m, even though nil
odds wore ngalnst his future.
it w.-ts a dark, rainy nlht. Tho officer
of tho guard suddenly came acroM
endet's pott.
Tim click of steel at the same
time
wnmoA the Intruder that the sentry's keen
THE ILLUSTRATED BEK
quick hearing had detected tho stealthy
Hteps oj the wet sod. Then came out In a
half mullled voice. "Who goes there?"
This wns the moment the olllcer of the
guard had fixed In his mind fur a test of the
cadet's soldierly qualities. The answer
came quickly to the sentry's challenge
"Nobody."
To the nmaement of the olllcer the cadet
'limit to a "right shoulder shift," ns It was
called III those days, paced by him and aald
"All right, my orders are to let nobody
pass, major."
The cadet had recogllled the 0 til i er Ills
answer, ccn It not regular In a military
sense, was correct, hut It was a tough one
on the major. The story was so good it
could not keep, and It went lo Washington
"To make a long story short." huh! tin
West I'llnter, "that answer, undt r the
i-lrcumst inces, won Inllileni e enough for
that cad -t not to leave the academy as n
'detlclent ' but merely to be put back ft r
anoi her . ear's chance. Uesulf lie gradu
Jilt 1 will, high honors in the following June
ami smis my commander lu the Philippines
six montl h ago." I
Tom Johnson's Way j
Major W. J. (ileason appeared before the
board of control uuo day last month uud
announceil that hu wished to make a com
plaint. "Co ahead," said .Mayor Tom I.. Johnson.
"The Dig Consolidated Street Car com
pany is preparing to relay Its tracks on
Cedar incline and put down the old cobble
stones between tracks."
"What's the kick?"
They're an eyesore and--"
"Come forward, Mr, Met'ormlck," call-d
the inayur of tho manager of the Hlg Con
solidated. "We're only relaying one track," said
McCornilck, "next year we'll relay the
other nml put down Medina block stone be
tween both tracks,"
"1b that .latlsfaotory, Mr. Cileason?" asked
the mayor.
"Yes, If they do It."
"Will you write a letter to the board
agreeing to do that?" Inquired the mayor
of Mr. .McCornilck.
"I will."
"Another thing," said Major (Ikasoti,
"they're putting these cobble stones on our
lawns."
"Will you repair all lawns?" said the
mayor, turning to McCornilck.
"Wo are willing to do anything we can."
"Will you repair the lawns?"
"We'll put down boards and protect
them."
"Will you repair the lawns?"
"I'm-er-yes "
"Will you Include that In your letter'"
"Yin."
"Are you satisfied, major?"
"I am."
"What's the next business?" Inquired
tho mayor.
Ileforo the board niljoui lied Manager Mo
Cormlck returned with the letter in ques
tion. "Hold on," exclaimed the mayor, "this
don't say you are going to relay iho .
ond track next summer. If you don't r.gree
lo relay It we'll make you pae boi.voeli
tho tracks you are now tearing up with
block stone If we can."
"I think we will relay the second track
next summer, hut if you insist on that I
want to consider the mutter further."
"All right. How long do you want?"
"Until tomorrow."
"Have you begun laying any of those
cobblestones?"
"Yes."
"Stop it, will you. until we agiee ni
that second track?"
"1 don't know ns I should.''
"Then you won't?"
"I don't know why I should."
"Tom (Jalvln," cried the mayor The
deputy director of public works came for
ward, "(lo right to Cedar avenue ami slop
the men who nro relnylng cobblestones
thpre. Don't allow them to begin until you
hear from this board."
(Jalvln hustled out. McCormlck's face
Hushed, but he didn't have a word to say
Meat
Detroit I-'ree Press: They were speaking
of the bllllonalro'H Insufferable pretensions
"Cpon what meat does this our Caesar
feed that ho has grown so great'" exclaimed
Mordaunt bitterly.
"Mint's meat, possibly!" observed Mel
travers, trying to bo cheaply witty while
yet preserving tho ensy grace of a man of
the world.
SALESMEN and
AGENTS WANTED
PIC WACES-Hur Fimoot
iltrful InveoilOD nvt Ml r.
r4I.IHHl lrr.l7 mlj, l.mo!
enormous. r;tcr;Do.ij du;i.
Ortr th. Mtehen itort it fur
nlibrs rim! of dUtlllrJ, trr
3 ttrjilrlriilaf v.ttr, pur, it-
IMlUIIra Wtter urt I)ItpP'
Rlotntih, Itotrtl, HUd.j.
lllllr ni lU.rl Trnbl.i,
Jrprffnti teirr tot tlrliDfii
3Tr;Vrlti-rr ItuoWld. Xw
lf l,Uii,Ti rni.rH-. KltKK.
liurrluiu MI'b. '.,
CI llirti.ou lllj llarloattl, II-
Hn, WIikIoii'ii 'iMHtilim riii
has tieen used for over KIprT TEARS by
MILLIONS of MOTHERS for their CHIL
DREN WHILE TEETHING, with PER
i.'i.'1'T snni'KSS. IT SOflTllirn it,, nun. 11
the' SOFTENS the Ql'MS, ALLAYS all PAIN,
ledy for DIARRHOEA Hold by drusilsta
In every part of the world. lift IUre and
asx ror .Mrs. insiuw onoming Byrup
and take no other kind Twsnty-flr aeata
r UUWIC. x TT
kruicrsvmi inuime ensul I.
9iumi ui 1 1
I I t
fSy) of C)',."5 nr L'1'!!' IS g
used i'i luastniK Br)
fUON COFFEE
I It is .ill i 'IT' "iff -tffi'i'
1 str..tij ami .1 (U-lii Pius tl.iMir. rM
1 s, r,,(f. .s .ire irti-li' il with
I a i t i q i itinc "f Uu. I'll- or
f title r i ij l! iii.i"iis . t.liii es.
F t -i i -., iiMnr. uniform v
THE
pedENT -SHOE Co
No, We Don't
Sell you a $3.50 snot: marked up to (5.00 nnd
$0.00 but we do sell you the same ouuiltj
sdioe other ask Jo.t-0 anil fO.no for at $3.'.0
your ihoiie of nn lcallnr-We charge $2.50
tor the same shoe othura sell for (3.50.
Investigate this.
Regent Shoe Co,
j i,-. mm 'rii i ,-.tii stui;i:t.
Bend for Illustrated Catalogue.
Perfection in Brewing
Illuo HIbbon Hottled Heer, the perfect
brew. Perfection of beer can only be nt
tntneil bv the most perfect surroundings,
modern principles In brewing, up-to-dnte
utensils, perfectly pure wnter and tho
choicest barley, mnlt nnd hops.
Tin- liiime of Hlue ltllilion Is one of tho
must perfectly appointed breweries In the
world The brewing. bi.ttllliK and ster
ilizing of Hlue lilhhoii Is the pride of tho
lirewi-rv In n word. Hlue million Is nil
that Is possible In a high grade beer. See
that the best, and only the best, enters
your homes Ordering ft caso wins a new
customer
Storz Brewing Company
Telephone I '2(10.
414-416 South Twelfth Sti
Tel. 1604 OMAHA, NEU.
KEARNEY MILITARY ACADEMY
KEARNEY. NEB
MAKER WEARER
ft
- nc
mwmmm
m Ret viz ilk
fe11! of
I I 414-416 South Twelfth Stn-t ' I
Tel. 1G04 OMAHA, NKU. I
A boardlnK school for boys under the
military system. Gymnasium. Manual
trnlnlnn Dept Prepare boys for colleg-e.
Ideal climate Terms low on account of
endowment Send postal enrd for Illus
trated eataloKiie to ,
HARRY N Rl'SSKLL. Head Master
UON'T BOHKOW TROUBLE." BU
SAPOLIO
'TIS CHEAPER IM THE END.
AtlRllRt 11. W01.
ilk
Choice Confectionery
COLD MEDAL,
Chocolate Bon-Bons
STRICTLY
.Sent by Expreii
boxes 60c pound.
Ill Oil SHADE
In 1, 1, t and
6-pound
W. S. Balduff,
lrUO Fnrniiiii St., Omnlin.
?4
MONARCH of all BEERS
A
Summer
Drink
'Hint reaches the thirst spin ami makes
miii stronger and healthier for the drink
ing MKTK'S l-'INH UOTTLHU HKKIl
Hrewetl anil bottled in Omaha by
Metz Bros. Brewing Co.,
iiotti.hd iiicmt.
HKIC WCI) AND DOTTI.MU IN OMAHA
'l'leilniiK' I III.
i.irmn i.v ruifH
tn lerinim-i- ' ,t rmc.t
irnlcit Z.i hi Svifr
fne only International Dentifrice.
The Standard lor jo years.
rreHPrveH nnd w liltens the teelli, strenKtlinn.
i.ln Kiuuit-nwt'i'teiis ttie breutu
sje at All Druggists.
C H.5TRON(l&CU.,Prop.,6hlcaKO,U.h A.
The Chicago Record
rn 61 of 1bi Type
wr.iers In dally uie
YOST
If you want a typewriter, why not
come first where you can see
EVBHV OOOD SORT OF TYPE
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all kinds for
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TYPEWRITERS RENTED.
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Tbe finest catalogue
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yours for the asking.
WrlteorCall.
United Typewriter and Supply Co,,
11114 I'ttrnuui St., Omuba.
mm
THIAL.TnKATMK.NT 1'ltKK.
We will furfoltasofur uny caae of
Intrrnal.Kxl-riilir ItrliltiK
I lira the llrrm lllr Cure fall
C11 cute. -Inttant ami ptrmanf lit rf llff. Write at unre.
Urrm Mt-airHo 215 K 3d st,,'liirlniinll.
.'J . .
II
Du eyej were upon him nt least, that his a bottla.
so beautiful "how rtnro you, raui