1001.
TIIE ILLUSTRATED HE K.
Short Stories of
Life as We See It
"Why nro wo liko Pharaoh's daughter?"
Inquired tlio ninn with I ho white coat ami
iprou as ho wiped up thu glasses left on the
liar by tho crowd which had just gone out
the front door. It was a long time ago
years nnd years ago but tho Incident was
recalled a day or two ago In discussing 4 It
various developments In the l'lanklnton
bank case, relates the Milwaukee Sentinel.
The man with the white coat and apron
was an old-timer, and he remembered back
In the early '!'0s, when there was a long
Hue of people In fiont of the bank building
at Grand avenue and Second street, nnd the
anxious, nerve-tearing strain upon those
who waited In line to not their money
Fvory once In o while one or two of the
anxious depositors would give Up their
places In the line to a boy, who promised
lo keep It until they returned, and no across
the stieet for a drink.
"Why are we like Pharaoh's daughter''"
asked the genial dispenser of them. No one
knew why they were like i'harnoh's daugh
ter. "Ilecnuse we find little profit In rushes
on tho bank," replied tho bar boy. and then
mado good again by asking: "Have an
other?"
The wit H more to" bo dreaded than your
woist enemy. Witty people hnve a way
of slapping a title on you which sticks for
life. These things bubble up on their llp
and uo' to tho victim. He or she Is ruined
and made a public Inughlng stock; even
your best friend will giggle, on tho sly.
)no society girl here, n really nice girl,
reports tho Louisville Times, has tho hnblt,
however, of sitting In Judgment on the
family standing of other people. She will
make some disparaging remark nnd con
cludo with: "Oh. well, you know and I
know they nro really not to tho manner
born.
Now this girl does not come of aristo
cratic blood on her maternal side. Her an
cestors wero simple, honest tradesmen, who
never protended to stylo or had nny am
bition to poso as aristocrats. They wero
in the shoo business. Ono day the girl was
talking much ns usual. Tho wit, alas, was
on deck loaded with back-number facts.
"Oh." said Miss Critic, with a toss of her
head, ns she mentioned a debutante, "of
course sho Is not to tho manner born. 1
always like to express myself In quota
tions." "So do I," Bald tho wit, softly and wick
edly, "my favorlto Is Mot not tho shoc-
mnker go beyond his last.' "
attorney,
A traveling man who Is absent from tho patience.
city about sixty dnvs on each trio carried "l te" '01' ' "'u 's Hrazee, and If
ever knew''" said the postman. "His
name was John Smith, and he was cheaper
than plus on bargain day. He used to get
letters from his brother-in-law, and would
open the envelope by holding It over a tea
kettle. Then he would take out the letter
nnd read It, write an answer, put the au
la ml on his face," and ho knew of no Irish- swer In the same old emclope and seal
man named Hrnzcc. Tho attorney, again ll up again. This done, he would take It
told him ho was mistaken nnd that his real lo the poslolllce, explain that the letter
name was Hrazeo, Tho stranger was so couldn't possibly belong to him, and he
Insistent that he became annoying to the didn't want to open another man's mall
"lAir. Miss Mary," returned Ihe widow,
with a broad grin "ev'ybody knows there
aln' no happiness In married life till one
ob 'em's done 'coasted. "
doubts to
of n man.
A
the existence of this paragei'
One of the
girls In town
came home
A woman fainted In this town yesterday,
as women faint In every town every day.
relates the Hlrmlughntu (Ala.) Age. She
from Wellesley for the Faster acalloti, came In with her husband from a suburban
having dismissed her latest suitor not long village to see the circus any circus Is
ago, reporls the Huston .lourual. The boy "Ihe" eltcus. ou know. Under the acres
who supplies her parents with milk has a of canvas every circus spreads "acres of
younger brother of about tl who has been canvas," you know -she became suddenly
traveling upon the arduous road of his III. whether at sight of roaring Hon or
KKATUIIIJS OK TUB ODD FHLLOWS' CF.LHHUATION
Huth Hebekah Lodge, Omaha -Joy Kebckah Lodge, Omaha Group at tho Hall at Cielghton Hall
a pair of shoes to a Gorman shoemaker to J"0" sav 'Win that It Is Hrady I will give
be half-soled before leaving on a tour
through tho country towns, reports tho
Memphis Scimitar. Tho shoemaker was nc
rustomed to selling articles left with him
for repairs if not called for In thirty days.
and the latter finally lost all Of courso, as his brothor-ln-law'B five-day tlrst year in tho high school, whore ho has sound of moaning whungdoodle was not dls-
return card was on tho cnvolopo, tho post- taken the Kngllsh course. No Latin or covered, but, becoming III, the good woman
otllce ofTlclnls would send It back." French Is taught tho Hist year, but tho promptly fainted.
purest Kngllsh Is alined at tho boys and A cnn was (.ieil hurriedly, and tho hus-
gins ami occasionally nits mem. I lie YVol- )all,j( pnRtiiK his wife in tho cab, they wore
lesloy girl bit her lips tho other morning driven hurriedly to the olllco of a physl-
wnen mo nillK noy uamleil lier a note ,.,m. The physician felt of the wifo's
A southern lady met a colored widow, from bis younger brother. ibis was the ,,uise, tested her heart action, and then
Tho cheapest man I gnudlly attired, laughing and talking nnd way It read: "Dear Miss Jones, please ex- placing a febrllo thermoineter In her mouth
seemingly in tho boBt of splr- CUS(' '"' writing, but who Is your chore , m,r U,WI, ,,. n,, and keep it
iiuiiio nun :
you a smash in the face," ho declared.
The other man laughed. "Now I know
that your name Is Hrady," ho said.
Indianapolis Sun
Hearth and Home
Its, relntos Harper's Magazine.
"Why. Lizzie," said tho lady,
stopping tho horse she was
driving, "how Is It that you
are so cheurful when your
husband died only three weeks
ago?'
The drummer staled to the shoemaker he
would be absent from tho city for at least
sixty days, atid would not leave tho shoes
to bo repaired unless he was assured that
they would not bo sold.
Tho traveler's Hip wns prolonged to
ninety dus. When ho returned ho went
Immediately to tho shoomnkor for his
shoos.
Tho shoemaker's inability to distinguish
between have nnd half caino near resulting
In his receiving a threshing.
"Have you sold my shoes?" asked the
drummer.
"Va, I haf-snled them." replied tho shoe
mnkor. "What In blazes did you do that for!"
yelled the traveler.
"You told mo for to do It."
And then tho drummer engaged In n bit
of shocking profanity nnd threatened to
clean up Ihe ranch.
"Dan" Uegan, the chief clerk of the
Hoard of l'ubllc Works, Milwaukee, tolls
In the Milwaukee Sentinel a good story In
connection with tho recent campaign. Tho
day after election he was congratulating
Judgo Hrazeo and said:
"I soo tho Irishmen In the Third ward
read your name Hrndy anil voted for you to
a man."
The Judge replied that the Poles In the
Fourteenth ward read his name Hrazeonskl
and voted for him too.
Mr. Itegan later recalled an Incident In
Judge Hrazee's earllor careor. Thero was a
big burly son of Krln who onco told the
little nttnrnoy that ho bolloved his name
was Hrndy, Instead of Hrazeo. Tho stnte
inent wns allowed to go with a simple do
nlal, but tho big man Insisted upon It. Ho
snld that ho knew the nnmo must bo nrady,
becnuso tho lawyer "had tho map of Ire-
Women are proverbially careless ah ul
discussing domestic mailers in public, says
the Philadelphia Itecord. Two of thorn
wero sented In a Chestnut street car one
morning recently, talking about the proba- anxiously
bllitlis of n marriage between two of "Say, doc, whntil
their frlonds. Ono snld: "He Is a
line mnu nnd a good man." "Oh,
yes," replied the other, "but bo
doesn't go to the theater, he
doesn't dnnce, nor smoke, nor drink.
What would she do with a man
like that?" "lie doesn't eat incut
or drink coffee, either," chimed in
the Hrst speaker, "I should ho
afraid he wouldn't be chei rful "
"Of course, it doesn't seem
shut, bbu having recovered her senses.
Tho wife did lis she was bidden, and the
doctor looked steadily at his watch, his
linger on her pulse, nnd counted tho sec
onds run Into a minute, two minutes three!
lit t hull thu husband asked eagerly and
yer take for that
thing?" pointing to tho thermometer.
"Why?" demanded Ihe physician.
" 'Cause hits the llrsl time 1 ever kuowed
'or to hoi' 'er tongue that long."
The experience known as "popping the
question" Is the bugbear of every man,
however coulldent of his charms or llueul
of speech, relates Youth's Companion
Many original ways of asking young women
to marry them have been lesorted to by
bashful men, but perhaps the most brilliant
suggestion came to a learned (iermau pro
fessor, who, having remained a bachelor
tilt middle life, at last tumbled head over
oars in love with a little llaxeu-halred
malileii many years Ills Junior.
Ono day, after vainly endeavoring to
screw his courage to tho sticking point, thu
learned man came upon his Grctchon us sho
sat alone, darning a stocking, with a huge
pile of (ho family hosiery on the table. Tho
professor aimlessly talked on general
topics, wondering how ho could lead up to
the subject nearest his heart, when nil at
once a happy thought came to him.
Leaning forward, he put his big hand on
I ho little (1st doubled up Inside l hi' stock
ing nnd snld, hesitatingly:
''You darn very beautifully, fruuloiu
Would you like to darn my stockings
only?"
Fortunntoly the frnulclu wns not so slm
kind to criticise u man for his I'1" llB Bl" nppeared. She grasped the slg
vlrtues," said the conservative nlllcnnco of tho question linmedlutuly. and
woman, "hut. then. It Is a risk lost 110 ' answering "Yes."
to marry a mnu who Is not In
touch with his generntlon It
would bo n strain to live up to
his stnndard" "Will, I'm
not the ono that wants to
marry him." "Nor nm I."
Just then tho conductor called
out Fifteenth street, nnd thoy
got off, without onco men
tioning (ho name of this pnra-
A Hachelor's Reflections
SNAP SHOTS AT THIS ODD FKLLOWS' PAUADK
South Omaha Lodge Tho Patrlarahs Militant Canton K.ra Millard of Oninhn-Colonol John
W. Nichols and Staff.
New York Press: Sport Is u recreation
that you havo to wear a speclnl sort of
clothes for.
A woman never punctuates a business
letter, but she gets oven with herself by
never punctuating a love letter, either.
For every three women who fir afraid
gon. to tho great regret of a certain man will propose to a girl there
several other women who h'ul H one who Is nfrald that ho won't,
been Interested listeners, "I Love nnd business nro very different
don't bollovo there over was A man will never admit his business Is any
such a man," commented one good for fear another man will start up In
elderly mntron. Tho others tho samo neighborhood. In lovo a man will
Bhook their heads grnvoly, as novor admit ho Isn't right In It, for the
though thoy, too, had tholr samo reason.