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April 28, 1001.
THE ILLUSTRATED BEE.
Short Stories of
Life as We See It
A sporty young gentleman of the city who
drives 11 dainty runabout, which Is the envy
f thu other young men of his set, report
tin1 .Memphis Soltnltur, was driving down
Main street the other day, when In- nearly
ran over a six-foot countryman.
The ( untrynuin caught the hit and sat
the hotse upon Its h. Hint lies without n.i
parent cllVrl, and then complacently re
marked to the driver:
"S y. y-u had licit, r he careful how
you drive that doll buggy of your'n. If I
lindn't c(dlarcd this lure h uo you wonbl
ti run that thing Into me and smashed It
all to kindling."
Former Judge Henry II. I lowland has a
deservedly high reputation as an nf.er-din-ner
Hroaker, says the New York Mall. It
Is his piaetlce to conned the minutes of
serious talk with twenty-live minutes of
story-telling. All his stories are apropos,
and most :f them are new. At the dinner
of St. Davld'4 soclity the other night, the
Judge was in a happy vein The auecd no
which was ree( Ived with the grea cst laugh
ter was that of the little hoy who was
TIIAVKLINO COSTUME FOIt A G1HL OF
TKN YKAHS,
eonstiU rably puzzled by the tlfory of ovo
lutiin. One day lie said to his mother:
'Mamma, am I descended from a
monkey 7"
"I don't know," she answered; "I never
met nny of our fatlur's people."
Among the duties of the city editor of i
groat dally fell the lot to take to tusk one
of his reporters, relates the New York
Tribune. The reporter In question was
an Englishman, slow of thought and ic
tion and miserly of speech. Through 'ho
tlrndo to which he was subjected he said
nothing and when it Dually ended he left
the presence of his superior without any
comment. Hut, as the result proved, he did
some tall thinking.
City editors, when "riled." as Is well
known, are not particularly choico or
economical in the language they bestow on
their unfortunate reporters, and among
other things the Englishman had been told
that he was no belter than --In fact, was
a crazy man, and that his proper habl'at
was a lunatic asylum and not the hall bed
room of u Chicago boarding house which
he occupied. The Englishman took this
part of the city editor's remarks as his text
and acted upon them, lie promptly wont
to un asylum, had himself thoroughly mx
11111111111 by three or four alienists and se
cured from them an olllcial eerUHeuto o
the fact that ho was sano. With this he
nppcaied at thu ollko of his paper the next
day, and, entering at the city editor s
sanctum, he slapped it down before his
astonished and dismayed superior.
"Now, ou go and get one," was his only
comment, and for once that city editor
capitulated.
In a drug store not many hundred yards
from the lapitol. relates the Albany Jour
nal, Is impluyid a clerk, who on tomorrow
night will have been Just I luce weeks loam
ing how to mix soda, in anticipation of the
summer lush of bii.-luess In ili.u particular
line, lie is an apt student of things per
taining to the drug business, and according
to his employer, he does does Just as he is
told. Ills impli.yer Kid him when he came
to work that If anybody ever asked for
anything that he didn't keep he was to
say, "Wo'ic Just out of - , but we havo
sumcthlng Just iu good." Thu young man
caught on exactly. Yesterday afternoon a
young woman entered the store and In
quired of the new clerk:
"Havo you any postage stamps?"
"No, ma'am, we're Just out of postage
stamps, hut we have something just as
good."
Wlule It is generally admitted by the
sculptors of Washington that the equestrian
statue of (ioueial l.ogan Is u lino pleco of
work, there are those outside thu ranks
of thu artists who llud fault with It. Frank
lin Simmons, the sculptor, has had the
doubtful pliasuie of hearing about as frank
a eiitlcl'in of his production as ho could
ever wish to have made, relates the Wash
ington Times. The clitic was an olllcer
In the army, one who had known (Jenoral
Logan dining his lifetime quite well. At
the close of the ceremonies of unveiling
Mr. Simmons approached the olllcer and
asked him what he thought of the statue.
"That hat Is tilted too far over his nose,"
leplied thu olllcer. "It is too low In thu
crown. No onu ever saw a cavalry olllcer
carry his sword like that, oil to ono side,
and ono leg Is longer than the other."
With these bluif comments the olllcer
walked away.
Anecdotes of Horace Grei ley are not very
numerous these days, but here Is one that
Is thoroughly characteristic of the man and
has never before been told: Oil' led by .i
pungent article that hail appeared la the
columns of the New York Tribune, a gen
tleliiau called at thai ollice and Inquired fur
tlio editor. He was shown Into a small
sanctum, whero Horace Greeley sat, with
his head close down to his paper, writing
very rapidly. The man began by saying
"Is this Mr. Greeley?" "Yes, sir; what do
you want?" said the editor quickly, with
out looking up from his paper. The Ira e
visitor then began using Ills tongue, with
no reference to the rules of propriety, good
breeding or reason. Mr. Gioilcy mean-
while continued to write. I'age after page
was Mulshed with no change of features
ami without the slightest attention being
paid to the visitor.
Finally after the most Impassioned scold
ing ever poured out in an editor's ollice
the angry man became disgusted and ab
ruptly turned to leave tlio room. Then
for the Hrst time Mr. Greeley quickly looked
up, rose from his chair ami, slapping thu
gentleman familiarly un his shoulder, In
a pleasant tone of voice said: "Don't go,
AltllOK DAY EXERCISES AT CASS SCHOOL.
friend; bit down, sit down and frou your
mind; It will do you good you will fool
hotter for It. Jlesldcs, It helps mo to think
what I am to wrlto about. Don't go."
In China
Detroit Journal: Thu dowager empress
was in a droll moml today.
"A note from the German emperor!" nn
liouii"eil the chambeiialn.
"A Hilly doux!" observed her majesty.
"And a note from tlio United States!"
"A Yankee Doodle doux!" cried this re
markable woman, while gales of morii-
incut swept over the servile court.
UNITED COMMEUCIAL TRAVELERS' GIIAND COUNCIL
United Commercial
Travelers' Meeting
Ono of our illustrations this wcuk la a who will bo 1 1. ;'ttendance, which do not up-
group picture of the olllcers of thu grand I"'""" "' '' "tibial program, hut which will
council of Nebraska of thu Order of tho '"' ''' '"J"'t!" npprcelatod, por-
,, . . , , , , . , , haps all the more for thu reason that they
United Commercial Travelers of America. HpninK , lh(( ()f R HurprH1
I his council was organized on February 0, T, HUi10rdlnato lodges are all responding
1&'J8, ut Lincoln, with about 150 members, enthusiast le.illy to the nlHcia Invitation
ruprosontod by llvo subordinate councils,
namely: Beatrice, Lincoln, Hastings,
Omaha and Norfolk. (J rand Island and Fre
mont councils havo since boon added to tho
list. Thu present membership In good
Btnnding Is something over COO. Thu llrst
meeting of this grand council In Omaha
will occur on Friday and Saturday of tho
coming week, Tho attendance will not bo
coiillned to the Nebraska Jurisdiction alone,
for thu reason that a largo number of
I tilted Commercial Traveler men fioiii tho
adjacent Jurisdictions havo signified their
iiitenllou to he present. These will all be
thu guests of Omaha council No. 118, and
many women aro expected also to be pr. s-
u II,,.., . , .
out, as a special invitation has been sent
out by thu local council for all iiiuiuhors of
thu grand council to bring their wives,
sisters and sweethearts with them, promls-
ing thorn special untortnliiinout and a good
llnw, f.,,ti,,r,,ll ,l,,,. II.. .I- ,l.., il.
lu Omaha.
Altogether there will bu probably 1,000 always won- the characteristic broad
gentluinon and women in attendance at this I rimmed felt hat of the southerner. One
IllUOtlllk'. The local eonnclt Iimh ,, nnoln I '-veiling when Crane, Ingalls, I'llllllh ami
' ' "
number of commit tees to take care of tho
. .
worn or preparatl'in and itrrangu a program
that will combine both business and pleas-
i re lor all who attend.
I he business session will bo held lu the
Royal Arcanum hall lu The lieu building
on Miday ami Saturday, both forenoon and
afternoon, and at tho last named session
the members of Fremont council will Inltl-
atu a urgu class of candldatuH. There will
be a banquet at thu I'axlnn hotel Friday
eyening and a theater parly at the Or-
Pheuin on Saturday evening.
ibo ttave ng uioii of Omaha are arrang-
ing suvurol little surprises for tho delegatus
FOIt NEUHASKA.
they have received and they are promising
a large attendance, much lu excess of that
at any previous grand council of thu state.
The headquarters of the grand council will
be at the Millard hold, and all thu hotels
will he overflowing with traveling moil din
ing the grand council session.
J()f tllC SClltltOF'S II 'it
4
Among tho stories that are retailed in the
cloak loom of tho senate wht n that body Is
in session at Washington is ono of how
William II. nine, tho aelor, put the lliilsh-
Ing touches upon his great character Htudy,
"Tl"' Senator."
"Ah W,'M s1,,l'l "'" "f "'''
H"1"!'. ' rane took bis character aluioM
,,,., y fl(lm S(,Imtu. ,.,,,, (). KimhlH
Crane had Just started mil with "The
.Senator" ami had opened lu Washington.
uv m'vu the performance and liked
'l ''"""'""'''y- 1,111 ' Hmugln I s.iw one
' """ " ""
defect.
was not at all. according to my thinking, lu
keeping with the Imitation of liumb. who
It I I ... , ........
myself happened to lie dining together I
1 1 inn i' 1 1 ,1 I,. (Vim., i.l, mhi II... i.,.,ii..,. ii...
' ...... ........ I I Illllll.'l lf ,,,T
hat.
" 'You really ought not to wear it, for It
H , doping with the character,' s'lhl
. .yu ,11IK , wear one like I'luinb's.'
(, did not say much In answer, bin
wiien wo arose from tlio table lie n ailed
out for I'luinb's hat and calmly put It on
Leaving his own hat for I'lumh, Crane went
olf down the street with the old fell affair
jami I down over his forehead. The sen-
ator was too surprised to olfer objection
Thn xt n,K,lt (;ni ,ll(.,m ,, tlll.
stage with I'luinb's hat on his head and
thereafter woru It at uvory performance."
