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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 25, 1900)
1 20 TTTT3 OTWATTA T) ALLY B73E: SUNDAY, PEBHUA.BT 25, 1000. The Science oi Soap A Ahese are days of fact and not of theory. In days gone by, soap was made only by old-fashioned formulas, and some soap makers still stick to the old methods. Soap made thus is crude, harsh and harmful; it will spoil the finest of skins and ruin the best of fabrics. But Dame Science came to the soap maker's aid, . and soap made under her direction is pure, wholesome and safe. ROSE SOAP TRADE MARK is the most approved product of modern, scientific soap making. It is a transparent soap, made of pure oils, cocoa butter and glycerin, delicately perfumed. There is no secret in the ingredi ents; the secret is in the manufacture. It will wash ANYTHING. KIRK MAKES IT DEALERS SELL IT MACSIANUS VISITS NIAGARA The Donoeal Tonderfoot Recount His Ex" pericnca at tbo Chasm. SHADOWED AS A FENIAN RAIDER Jlulililnur I'l A Kill n nt fiiilli-ft mill I'll lilrx Novel lueldeiitN nl' 11 Trip to I In- ('lunula Sliln of tin' C.'ituriiet. (Copyright, HX, liy Seumns MncMiiuus.) "Seo Niagara ami tile," my friend Kltz contentedly sighed, as ho Hopped down bo Mdo me In the trolley ear which we hnd held up on .Main street, llulTalo. "Then, the mi tier you sen It, the belter for mankind," I remarked In aiy Innards. Kltz Is sensi tive, ami a boxer. I know there are many pliiun Amerlruns who, somewhat different Xrom Kit?:, say, "Lead a. holy life, dlo and Kit to Niagara." Sicli a creed (and I have found 11 a widely prevalent one) spenkB trumpet -totiguod for the wonderful charms of Niagara, for the professors of this faith know .Niagara Intimately nnd well throiiKh the medium of guide books. s we bowled alotiK over the open snow rlad country 1 related to Kltz the story of nni) of these Niagara enthusiasts whom I had known. After looking forward for live ycais to a Journey to his Mecca, I'rovldenco and a successful gambling transaction put a Hparo $;o-blll In his pocket. Ho wont of. to N'lagarn with the precipitancy of a llrooklyn banker. Pour days later he was at homo again, his pockets tilled with In teresting mementos and his pure empty as a politician's argument. 1 heard hkit on the evening after ills re turn preaching Niagara's unspeakable de lights at u crowd of friends "under the dome of heaven." (those were his words), "there was not, there could not be another Idaco as enchanting, as Intoxicating, as al)t-lnn as Niagara. Next night I got him Vy himself, and I held him with my eye 'whilst I said. "Murphy, on your honor as a dry goods clerk, did you enjoy Niagara?" ''Old man,'' said he. looking back over olh his shoulders at the same time, ami sinking his voice, "Don't give me away for the Lord's sake, but I've had a toothacho In my liver over since I saw It." Murphy fur thermore added that ho had to net and talk a barefaced llo tho night beforo because ho couldn't afford to havo half a scoro of Idiots laugh at him; and because, also, every ono of aforesaid Idiots was bent on going to Niagara somo day or other and why should ho spoil fun. "So, friend Fritz, " I moralized, "blessed aro they that expect nothing, for they still havo their anticipations realized." So entertainingly, thus, did I pass, tho tltno for Fltz that when ho limped off the car at Niagara ho was as buoyant as n leaked foot ball; and ho would havo fallen an easy prey to tho Jehus that here descended upon likn had ho hnd no rno to watch over him. Tho alleged carriages that these follows coerce weak-willed people Into aro ono of tho wonders of Nlngnrn. I know for a fact that people have ridden In thorn nnd lived, bul I indignantly refuse to believe what friends havo tried to assure me that upright men having been seduced Into riding In theso ntrocltles went back Into the bosom of their families within less than quarantine time No self-respecting man ever did. It Is told that an aeronaut, who had been carried up Into far space, whenco the states looked each po small that ho could not distinguish ono from another, at length to his Joy located himself "we're Just passing from Now I York Into Canada." "How do you know I that?" asked hlR friend In misfortune, llo unified, and said: "Don't you feel the i Niagara carriages?" Personally, I am of tho ! opinion that this may possibly be a story J concocted by somcono who had spent his purse coming to see Niagara. Hut I know for certain (a friend, on whose word I can raly, told mo) that In tho summer of (I think) '!tC, there were ten hot days whereon tho carriages smelt so loud that the falls could not bo heard by one standing In close proximity to them. Such crowds rilHhed to Nlagnra, then, that I am told the carriage owners hnve slnco worked the dodge for all It Is worth. Hut It has now ceased to be a phenomenon. Holding my nostrils, 1 explained to the clnnurlng drivers that, as niy friend was only going to commit suicide, ho would not need a carriage until after the event, and It vould glvo him exceeding pleasure to engage lls services then. They looked at Kltz pitifully and backed away. How did the falls strike you? Is the ques tion that rises naturally to everyone's lips. I suppose I would be sneered at as a very unoriginal joklst If I ventured to naturally reply, to-wit, that the fact of my being here to tell it Is evidence sufficient that they did not strike mo at nil. Thero aro so many "only original" Joklsts nowa days that n man's surest chance of distinc tion Is to bo unoriginal. Apropos of every thing I may here mention that In IJuffalo I was entertained with tho account of the man who lived nil his Ilfo there, within sound of Niagara, and died recently at tho revered ago of four scoro years nnd teu, without having onco gono to see tho falls. At eigh teen years of ago ho folt small amongst hU contomptuous fellows, but tit thirty the snmo fellows began to sny with an admiring smile: "Why, here's Jonnthan II. Drown, nnd, fancy, he's never yet seen tho falls!" At fifty year3 of age the man who had never seen tho falls was grown vnln and pointed out on tho streets for tho marvel ot strangers. At sev enty strangers wero brought to seo him; at eighty a syndicate got hold of him. much to the chagrin of Niagara, which deprecated such a serious counter-attraction, but after a time It was found that both attractions were of mutual aid to each other. No visitor anyono who knows tho condition of tho Brit ish moral llnon will readily nppreclato this hint of Providence. Also I grant thero Is a preclplco from which water comes down; though, considering tho laws of gravitation, which even tho Montoo doctrine failed to affect on this continent, I really see nothing so very remarkable about that. Likewise thero is a river below, tho most noticeable thing about which Is that It runs between tho banks, and Is crossed by a brldgo and a trolley car and an Intermittent stream of grumbling strangers, If you havo not been to the falls I think you may havo a fair Idea of them when I say that they nro nbout ao big and as high as ono of tho biggest apartment buildings In New York City; they aro noisier than the twenty-first round of a prize fight, and not so noisy as six women at an afternoon tea; I they kick up a spray as dense aft the wits of the stupid fellow that differed with you I last night. I do not now recall how many ' hundred thousand tons of water come over tho falls In a minute, but I do know that -at tho time I reduced tho Immensity of tho thing to tho level of my understanding by calculating thnt there was sutllclent to wash to tho falls could think of returning homo tbo comwloneea of the government officials without having seen the man who never "t tho astonlshlnir rate of two per fifteen saw the falls, and no visitor to Jonathan minutes, I reckoned thnt If the citizen of B. could think of returning homo without the United States arranged to keep tbo going also to see the sight ho never saw. So wholo government shebang penned upon the every visitor, henceforwnrd, took In both at- banks, nnd every morning haul them for tractlons, or. rather, thought they took them 1 ward and back beneath the falls on a wlro In. Anyhow, after a year or so. If my mem- cable, comparatively clean administration ory serves mo right. It was In May, '91, tho would bo tho result If they survived. If Niagara Falls Co. and tho Jonathan II. they did not survlvo I foresaw that the Itn Urown Co. Ltd., amalgamated, and an ef- , menfe rcservo of philosophic resignation flclent nnd serviceable electric car system , possessed by the American nation would en- connccting iiuirnio ami .Niagara was estan- able it to bear tho shock. Millions Use fASlAKKTS. Surprising-. Isn't it, thnt within three years our sales are over fi.iMP.,000 boxes it year? That proves merit. Csifccii rots, ilo Rood for so many others, that wo urge you to try just a 10c box. Don t put it off ! Do it today. CANDY CATHARTIC f.W Vffifcif m..ri r w htv wf llshed. 1 was told, too, that when Jonathan H. closed his eyes on tho world, to tho In tense Indlgnalicn of tho shareholders, his laBt words, whispered In tho ear of a friend who stood by him, wero: "I hnve nev-nev-ever seen the falls." As ho had llvel vainly, ho died vainly: a remarkable contra diction to the dictum that pride will always havo lift fulls. Jonathan II. resided twenty miles from Niagara, so I hold that his cmc Is not a tltho so lemarkable as my discovery a dli- coverv which for the benefit of mankind I ' glvo frir ly and unlusllntlngly to tho world to-wlt.. Silas O. Judd. He resides and has I resided since he was a little bov, Just so i high, three miles only frcn Niagara Falls. He tays ho remembers coming to tho little , house in which he now lives all alone, com I lug with his mother, who Irro him on her back, sixty-seven years ago, or It may bo I sixty-six, he will not say positively. Any ! ho'v. ho has lived theso threo-scoro years I and six. and ho has heard the falls every night be has lain down nnd every morning he has rlf en out of his bo I In that Utig space of time: yet he told me (and his nelghlnrs nil vouch for the truth of It) that In all ; of those slxty-soveu or sixty-six years he has never on 'o seen tho falls. Anyono who doubts this can verify It for hlnuelf. Silas, who Is still ijiilto a bright and entertaining old fellow, lives to tbo right of tho road, about too yards from It, three minutes after you pass the turn beyond tho Devil's ro-k on the road to I.owlston. You will probably Irreverent HenmrUN. The r.wed whisper with which, when you havo crossed tho brldgo to tho Canadian side, tho namo of Victoria Is men- i tloncd, makes an Irreverent Irian- i man (like myself) smllo aloud. Tho I carriages on thlf side of the bridge hnve I ono other equal on earth, anil that 1b tho carriages on the American side. In n weak ' moment 1 allowed myself and Fltz to bo tranncd Into one of them, to bo driven to Tablerock. "This," said tho driver. "Is Vic 1 teria's park that I am going to take you through." "Victoria park. Bald I, "then pleaso go around It, or under It, or Jump over It. Ho leant back to mo and saiu with bated breath, "Hut It's named after Queen Victoria Queen Victoria!" "I know, I know," said I, "I have heard of tho lady. Sho'n all right till tho rain's coming. Hut when the corn on top of her small too be gins to whisper, tho hired girl has got to stand around and look out for tho poker nnd other portable aids to domestic felicity.' Tho poor fellow turned up his oyes In hor ror. "Hut It's all right," I sold; "If there's no other way. scoot through Vlc'n park, and ncrhnns sho'll never hear It was I." And ns wo slid over tho holy ground I enter talned tho driver with an account or n erow-plcklng which the queen owed Fltz bo- caueo eonio of her family employes having hung divers of his progenitors for sheep stealing. Fltz did not strlko me, for fear find him reading the Now Testament (If It I of confirming the thing In tho fellow's eyes. tain When you ask for Cuscarots, tlon't let tho denier substitute something- olbc. There is nothing lso aa frood as Cusenrets, und If you aro not pleased wo pay your money back, lOo, 25c, 60c, all drug gists, fcamplo and booKlct free. Address Sterling Remedy Co., Chicago or Now York. Best for the Bowels be evening) with his fingers, for (I should have mentioned) ho lost his sight com pletely when ho was only 3 months old. Some I) I mm himiI ii tin e lit. I lonslder tho most remarkable attribute of the falls Is their disappointment. They don't comply with tho bill "f lading at nil. float Islnnd Is thero. all right, though with tho exception of tho pretenco of one donkey i Kltz will please tako my word for it that I do not mean any personality) I saw no stronger reason for giving It thin namo. 1 admit, too, that I found thero was an Amer- And again at tho government building tho young woman In charge of the Visitors book, seeing me sign my namo In Cache drew mo Into a political discussion thnt necessitated me quoting nomo history to her, with tho result that she accused me of being a Fenian, to which I blushed a modest as sent. She throw up her hands and fled, ami hy-and-by l observed her where sho had drawn about her a group of sympathizing official!', to whom sho was with trembling finger pointing nut the zoological specimen. Fltz. who Is normally ns Inoffensive ns a 409 lean sldo and a Canadian side; furthermore, i "'" "" " ' , tbo guide book was correct In fcaylng that . thing as bad as an anarchist. I do believe, many times as much water wont down on ho said vainly, "those people think Im as tho Canadian as on the American nldeuud no', as you, even If I did not say much, "Yes, Fltz," I eald, they think you are my dupe." I'uder the Cntiirnet. At the government buildings, wherein you take a ticket oi a descent bv the side of tho falls, they love to encourage In stran gers tho pleasing fiction that they aro enter ing on a perilous undertaking, and whilst nn ntundant encaocs you In watcr-p-ooiliig 'roil, tho crown of your head to the ttpt of your f ngers nnd toes your gu'do does like wise to himself. Then, that In caso tho worst does happen, thero may bo somo me mento of the lost for the loved anon left be hind, a fellow thrusts under your noao le- tures of other Idiots taken In their descent j suits. (I did not say decent It would bo a 1 gross untruth), nnd Informs you that you need to havo tho same thing done. And if you reply, "No, sir!" with Indignant de cision, ho says. "Well, that Is a remnrkablol coincidence," and backs away. I do not know how ho enmo by tho phrase, but he evidently fcel3 assured It Is ono uot to bii ashamed of and one thnt will hear bolnc produced on any occasion. Then for tho bum of GO cents you are taken to the bottom of tho precipice In an elevator which would easily bear sending to tho wnBh. Along through tho cliff and through the tunnel you stumble after your guldo for some hun dreds of yards, until you roach a corner whore there comes down a carefully trained squirt of water with rather more volume and Icfs force than that from tho nozzle of a garden hose. Then you stretch forth your nock (under tho careful direction of tho guide) until seven distinct drops havo. rat tled on your head covering. Then tho show Is over and you return flattered by tho guldo with tho revelation that you have Just had a most remarkably exciting nnd hazardous experience, and thnt ho never, only twice be foro, saw a man display the snmo cool norvo that you did. When you get to terra flrni. you aro wrought to such a pitch of excite ment that Instead of giving tho fellow tho dime which for him you had carefully placed by Itself In your veat pocket you unthink ingly put your hand In your trousers pocket nnd reach him a quarter. And the chances are, too, that you bribe tho photographer to take your picture In tho plrturtoquo garb In which you had Just covered yourself with glory. Let me tsay a word for the public library at Niagara. It pleased mo very much. V Is a flno library and the hooks well chesen. I found my books In" It. It gnve mo real pleasure to seo many children burrowing among tho books. "Oh, but you should hco the crowds of men that rome." said thi friend who who showing us around. "Yes, It Is romnrkablo tho number of men that come." said ono of tho lady librarians. My friend, taking in at a glance tho three pious ant lady librarians with whom we conversed, sold, "No, but It would bo remarkahlo If thoy could keop from coming." "Wo forgive him." said ono of tho blushing trio magnan imously, "he's an Irishman." As Fitz nnd I wero trundled back to nuf falo, nnd thenco to New York wo confessed thnt, ttnj what wo might of Niagara, It gave us a pleasant nnd happy day anyhow. I should add thnt all statistics and an ecdotes and Illustrations quoted In this nrtlelo aro guaranteed gcnulno by me. I should know, for I made them myself. SEUMAS MAC.MANUS. I'll ATTLE O V TIIR YOUNRSTKIIS. "Now, Freddy, tell us nbout Adam and live." "Adam and Kve was n-cattn' apples In a garden, an a big miake como along an' chased 'em out." Llttlo 3-ycar-old Bessie's father was about to start down town ono morning, when she nald: "Oo'd better go out zo hack door, papa; It's walnln' out zo fwont door." Tommy produced tho following: has four legH and ono nnecdotc." A rabbit COUGHS Bronchitis, Hoarwness, Sore Throat Effectively Relieved. John I. Drown & Hon, Iloiton "Wlint nrn von ppvltiw lint wnv for llllln - JWH b..l.f, .... , ....... boy?" asked a woman of small Tommy, who was crying oiueriy. u ause, hoducu the youngster, "it's the o nnlv wav I k know how to c cry." "Aro you going to marry that naval cap tain?" asked 5-year-old Mabel of her grown up sister. "Yes, dear," was tho reply. "And If ho should die," continued Mabel, "will you wear 6eawceds and bo a mor-mald?" "What Is an anecdote, Johnny?" asked the teacher. "A short, funny tale." answered tho llttlo fellow. "That's right," said the teacher. "Now, Tommy, you may wrlto a boutencu on the blackboard containing tho word." After a few moments' hesitation Hev. Joseph Whyte, a prominent Meth odist divine, now stntlnned In northern Cali fornia, has an exceptionally bright llttlo daughter. Ouo day himself nnd wife, with this llttlo lassie, aged I years, -wore rldlns In tho cars. Two llttlo ho)M, tho sons of commercial travelers, wero talking to ,th llttlo girl about their respective papas and what they did. One llttlo lad said: "My papa sells shoes," and tho other said, "Mlno sells papers, and." turning to tho llttlo girl, "what does your papa sell?" For a mo ment tho child hesitated, but, not to bo out done) by hoys, Bho replied with tho air ot a duchess, "My papa sells talk." With Uh 10 years record Cook's Imperial Extra Dry Champagno Is first In tho Hsu I No sparking wine In uso Is its superior. At tin- llfiitrilluur limine i'llble. Clovoland I'laln Dealer: "Somo of that i Brazilian Infected coffee, Isn't It, Mrs. Ilashem?" I "What do you moan by that, Mr. Chuck- I lew?" "I mean It's so wot." "Wet!" "Yes. I'm Biiro they must have turned j tho doctor's hoso on It." ' Catarrh and Consumption Can Now Be Cured. For the first time in history of this country the United States Health Reports show a great reduction in the death rate from these diseases, and "HYOMEI" The NEW DRY AIR GERMICIDE is given the whole credit for this reduction. On January Cth, IfiW, nn edltorlnl regarding this reduction In diath rate npponred In tlio United States Health Reports, from wh ,rh we quoin tin following: "Wo, as tho highest American authority on health, sanitation and hygiene, havo made an investigation into this matter, and find that this C1SKTAIN CURIO is effected by tho inhalation of tho new germicide "IlVOMUr," therefore, upon report of our en tiro medical stall', wo oxtond to "Hv o.mki" tho full editorial nnd oliicial endorsement of the United States Health Reports." Such mi endorsement (never l"fore giN en to any treatment), nnd the fact that every Outllt of Hynmel Is guarantied to i-iire, or your money refunded, should pre vent any further experimenting on the part of persons suffering from respiratory dls- fnOMIJI IS TIIIJ OM.V C Hi:. I'hi' iIm' treatment Kent free to nil unri;r. llyomel Is sold bj nil druggists or em !y rnnll on receipt of price ('ompleto Out fits Trial n,iti)t ri nir.lt T IIOOTII CO.. Ithaca, N. Y. MOHPH Camy tloma Ourm, PalnloBB. Permanent. Wo will fond nnyono addicted to Opt u m, .Morphine, IjiiiiIuh. Mill, n.nl liii,.l,,tr, liul.ll . . . , t s'i. ........ nr i,a Mnu . !..... ... ' v .'wi'iv a j rim i rui nimu, r rrn . - mu iiiujiw i i-jiiiirkuiuu rrmuuy uvcr iiiwovercd. i;ou talmUirnit VMhI I'rlmipl" heretofore iinktmwu. It. fiiM lory Cumm solicited Confiden tial cnrreiiondenco Invited from all, especially liiltUii. BT. JAMK3 KOCII'.TY. llltl IMOADWAY, NEW YOUK. ---- V i