Nebraska Newspapers

    10 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY MA11CIT 6 , 1892H5IXTEEN PAGFS.
BY MARK TWAIN.
[ CopyHyMcl ISM by the Author , }
It Is a good many years slnco I wni In
Swltzorland last. In that remote tlmo there
was only ono ladder railway in the country.
That state of thinw U all changed. There
isn't a mountain In Swltzorland now that
hasn't a ladder railroad or two up its back
llko suspenders : Indeed , somu of thorn are
latticed with tbom , and two years hence ull
of thorn will bo. In that day the peasant of
the high altitudes will have to carry a lantern
When ho goes visiting In the night to keep
from stumbling overraltroads that have boon
built slnco hU last round. And also In that
day , If tboro shall remain a hlgh-nltltuao
peasant whoso potato patch hain't a railroad
through it , It will mnito him as conspicuous
as William Toll.
However , there are tonly two best ways to
travel through Switzerland ; the Hrat best Is
afloat , the second best 1 by open two-horso
carriage , Ono can como from Lucerne to
Intorlakon ever the Brunlg by ladder-rail
road in nn hour or so now , but you can glide
smoothly through In n carriage In ten , and
bavo two hours for luncheon at noon. For
luncheon , not for rest. There Is no fatlguo
connected with the trip. Ono arrives fresh
in spirit ana in person in tha owning no
frotin his heart , no prime on his facc.no
grit in his hair , not n cinder in his oyo. This
is the right condition ot mind and bodtbo
right nnd duo preparation for the solemn
event which closes the day stopping with
metaphorically uncovered beau into the
presence of the most Impressive mountain
mass that the glebe can show the Jungfrau.
The stranger's first fooling , when suddenly
confronted by thut towering and awful appa
rition wrapped in Its shroud of snow , is
breath-taking astonishment , II la as if heav
en's gates had swung open nud exposed tbo
throne.
It la peaceful here nnd pleasant nt intor-
lakon. Nothing going on at least nothing
but brilliant life-giving sunshine. There arc
Hoods nnd Hoods of that. Ono may properly
speak of U ns "golne on , " for it is full of the
suggestion of activity ; the light pours down
with energy , with visible enthusiasm. Ihis
is a good atmosphere to bo in , morally as
well as physically. After tryine the politi
cal ntmbsp'horo of the neighboring monarch
ies , it U healing and refreshing to breathe aa
' air that has known no taint of slavery for
COO ycurs , and to comb among a people whoso
political history is great ana fine , superla
tively great anrt line , and worthy to bo
taught In nil school * and studied by all rices
and peoples. For the struggle hero tbough-
out the centuries has not been in the Interest
, , of any private family , or any church , but In
the Interest of the whole body of the nation ,
and for shelter nnd protection of nil forms of
boliof. This fact is colossal.If ono would
realize bow colossal It is , and of what digni
ty nnd majesty , lot him contrast it with the
purposes nnd objects of tbo crusades , the
. slego of Troy , the wars of the Hoses , and
other blstoi ic comedies of that sort and size.
Lust week I was boatine around the lake of
the Four Cantons , and I saw Hull and Altorf ,
Hull is a remote little patch of a meadow ,
but I do not know how any piece of ground
could be holler or bettor worth crossing
.oceans and continents to see , slnco it was
there that tbo great trinity of Switzerland
joined bands six contuiiusngo , and swore the
oath which sot their enslaved and insulted
country forever freo. And Altorf is also
honorable ground nnd worshipful , since it
was thcro that William , surnamed Toll ,
( which , interpreted , moans "tho foolish
talker , " that is to say the too daring talker ) ,
refused to bow to Gossler's hat. Of late
years tbo prying student of history has been
delighting himself beyond measure ever a
wonderful find which ho has made to wit ,
thut Toll did not shoot the npplo from his
son's hoad. To hoar the students jubilate
ono would suppose that the question of
whether Toll shot the npplo or didn't was an
important matter , whereas it ranks In im
portance exactly with tno question of
whether Washington chopped down the
cherry tree r dldn'U The deeds of Wash
ington the patriot are the essential thing , tbo
cherry tree incident is of no consequence.
To prove that Tell did shoot the
npplo from bis son's bead would
merely prove1 that bo had better
nerve than most men , and was as skillful
with a bow as u million others who preceded
nnd followed him , but not a whit moro so.
But Toll was moro and better ttmn a moro
marksman , moro and bettor than a mere coot
head , bo was a typo ; ho stands for Swiss
patriotism : in his person was represented a
whole pcoplo ; bis spirit was their spirit tbo
spirit which would bow to none but God the
spirit wblcb said this in words and confirmed
it with dotiils. There have always been Tolls
in Switzerland , pcoplo who would not bow
Tncro was a sufficiency of them nt Hull ,
there wore plenty of them at Morten , plenty
at Granson , there are plenty today. And the
first of thorn all the very first , earliest
banner-boaror of human freedom in this
world was not a man , but a woman , Stnnf-
tocher's wlfo. There she looms , dim nnd
great , through the halo of the centuries , de
livering into her husband's charmed oar tbnt
gospel of revolt tbut was to bear fruit In tha
conspiracy of Hull and the birth ot the first
free- government tbnt tue world had ever
seon.
Thursday , Sept. 10 From this Victoria
hotel one looks straignt across a fiat of
trifling width to a lofty mountain barrier ,
which has a gateway in it shaped lllto an
inverted pyramid. Beyond this gateway
arises tbo vast bulk of tto Jungfrau , a apol-
los's mass of gleaming snow , into tbo sky.
The gateway in the dark-colored barrier
makes u strong frame for the great picture.
The somber snow and iho glowing snow-
pilb are stnrtllngly contrasted. It is this
fra'mo which concentrates and emphasizes
the glory of the Jungfrau nnd maltos it the
most engaging and bogulllng.nnd fascinating
spectacle tbnt exists in the earth. Tboro nro
many mountains of snow that nro as loftv as
the Jungfreu and as nobly proportional ] , but
tboy lack the frame ; tboy stand at largo ;
they are intruded upon and clbowod by
neighboring domes and summits , and tboli
grandeur is dlminisbed.and falls of effect.
It is a good name. Jungfrau Virgin. Noth
Ing could bo whiter , nothing could bo purer ,
nothing could bo salntller of aspect. At C
yea lord ay evening tbo greater intervening
barrier , seen through n faint bluish haze
seemed made of air , and substancolcss , ai
soft and rich it was , so shimmering whore
the wandering lights touched it , and so dim
where the shadows lay. Apparently it was
dream stuff , a work ot tfaa imagination ,
nothing real about it. The tint was green
slightly varying shades of it , but muinlv
very dark. Tbo sun was down as far a's
that barrier was concerned , but not for tin
Jungfrau , towering into tbo heavens hey on i
the gateway. She was a soaring coufldgra
tion of blinding wblto light.
The rirnt AVulklne Ilnlognte.
It Is said that Frldolin ( the holy Frldolin ) ,
a's&lnt now , but formerly a missionary , gave
the mountain its gracious name. Ho was un
Irishman , son of an Irish king , of whom
there were 110,000 reigning in Cork county
alone in his time , I00 years ago. It got so
that they could not make n living , thcro was
so much competition and wages got cut so.
Some of them were out ofwork months at a
tlmo , with wlfo and little children to food ,
and not a crust In the placo. At last n par
ticularly severe winter fell upon the country ,
and hundreds of tbom were reduced to men
dicancy , nud were to bo soon day after day in
tno bitterest weather , standing barefoot in
the snow , holding out their crowns for alms.
Tndoed , tboy would have boon obliged to emi
grate or starve , but for a fortunate idea of
Prince Frldolln's , who started n labor union ,
the first one in history , and got tbo great
bulk of them to join It , Ho tbtjs won tno
general gratitude , and tboy wanted to innuo
him emperor emperor over them all emperor -
poror of Coru county , but ho silld no , walk
ing delegate was good enough for him. For
behold , be was modest beyond his years , and
keen as a whip. To this clay. In Germany
and Switzerland , wnoro Saint Fridollu Is
deeply rovorea and honored , the peasantry
upeak of him affectionately as the tlrst walk
ing delegate.
The first walk ho took was into Franco and
Germany , mUalouarylng'-for missionary ing
was a bolter thing in tboso days than it is in
i our * . All you-had to do was to euro the head
savage's sick daughter by a "miracle" a
miracle llko the miracle of Lourdes in our
day , for instance and immediately that head
savage was your convert ; he was your con
vert , and filled to the eyes with a now con-
vnrt's enthusiasm. You oould sit down and
make yourself easy , now. Ho would take an
ax and convert the rest of the nation him
self. Charlemaguo was that kind of a walk
ing delegate.
Yes , there were great missionaries In those
4ays , for tbo .methods were sure and the ro-
'
wnrd great. Wo have no suoh missionaries
now , and no such methods.
But to continue the history of the first
walking detonate , if you are Interested. I am
interested tnyftoU twcuuso I hive scon his
rohcs nt SrcKlnuon , nnd also the very spot
where ho worked his prcmtcnt mlraclo itia
ono which won him his salntshlp In the
papal court n few centuries inter. To have
seen thuso things makes tno fool very near to
him , almost like u member of the family , In
fact. While w.-indcrlng about the continent
ho arrived at the spot on the Rhino which is
now occupied by Sacklngon nnd proposed to
ROtllo them , but the pcoplo warned him off ,
Ho nppoilcd to tbo king of the Franks , who
mndo him n present of the whole region ,
people nndall. . Ho built n great clolstor
there for women , nnd proceeded to teach In it
nnd accumulate moro land. There were two
wealthy brothers In the neighborhood , Urso
nnd Landulph. Urso died , and Fridollu
claimed his estates. Landulph asked for
documents nnd papers. Frldolin had none to
show. Ho snld the bequest bad boon made to
bun by word of mouth. Landulph suggested
that ho tiroduco n witness , and said It In a
way which no thought was very witty , very
sarcastic. This shows that ho did not know
the walking delegate. Frldolin was not dis
turbed. Ho said :
"Appoint your court , I will brine a wit
ness. "
The court was croitod. it consisted of
fifteen counts and barons. A day vns up-
pointed for the trial of the o.iso. On that
clur the judges took their seats In state , and
proclamation was made that tbo court was
ready for business. Five minutes , ton min
utes , fifteen minutes passed , nnd yet no
Fridolin appeared. Laudulph arose and
was In the net of claiming judgment by
default when a stnmgo clacking sound was
heard coming up Iho stairs. In another mo
ment Frldolln entered nt the further door
nnd caino walking In n doon hush down the
middle nlslo with n tall skeleton stalking in
his roar.
Amazement and terror snt upon every
countenance , for everybody suspected that
that skeleton was Urso's. It stopped before
tno chlof judgonnd ralscd'lts bony arm aloft
nnd begun to speak , while all the assembly
ahuddnrod , for they could sco the words leak
out from between its ribs. It said :
"Brother , why doth thou disturb mr blessed
rest nnd withhold by roboory the gift which
1 gave for the honor of Godl"
It seem J a strange thing and most irregu
lar , but the verdict was actually given against
Landulph on the testimony of this wandering
rack heap of unidentified bonos. In our day
a skeleton would not bo allowed to testify at
all : for a skeleton has no moral responsi
bility , and its word could not rationally bo
trusted. Most skeletons are not to bo be
lieved on oath , and this was probably ono of
thorn. However , the incident is valuable as
preserving to us a curious sample of the
quaint laws of ' evidence of that remote tlmo
a tlmo so remote , so far buck toward the
beginning of evolution out of original idiocy
that the Intellectual difference between n
bench of judges and a bastret of vegetables
was as yet so slight that xvo may say with all
confidence that it didn't really exist.
The Oldnst Clock In the World.
Sunday During several afternoons I have
been engaged in an interesting and mayuo
useful piece of work that is to say , I hiwo
boon trying to make the mighty Jungfrau
onrn her living earn it in n most humble
sphere , but on a prodicious scale , on a
prodigious scale of necessity , for aho couldn't
do anything in a small way with her aizo and
stylo. 1 have buon trying to make her do
service ns a stupendous dial , and chock off
the hours as they glldo across her pallid face
up there against the sky , and tell the time of
day to the populations lying within fifty
miles of her , and to the pcoplo in the moon if
they have a good telescope there.
Until late in tUo afternoon theTungfrnu's
aspect Is that of a spotless desert of snow sot
upon edge against the sity. But by Tnidaftor-
noon somn elevations , which rise out of the
western border of the desert , and whoso
presence you perhaps had not detected or sus
pected up to that tlmo , begin to cast black
shadows eastward across that gleaming sur
face. At first there is onlv ouo shadow ; later
there arq two. Toward 4 p.m. the other day
I was gazing and worshiping , as usual , when
I chanced to notlco that sbadow No. 1 was
beginning to take to itself something of the
shape of a human profile. By 4 tha back of
the head was good , the military cap \yas
pretty , gooa. tbu nose was bold and strong ,
, bo upper lip sharp , but not piotty , and
, hero was a great goatee that shot straight
Lggrossively forwurd from.tho chin.
At 4 :39 : the nose had changed its shape con-
ilderably , and iho altered slant of the sun
bad revealed and mndo conspicuous a hugo
buttress or barrier of naked roult , which was
so located as to answer very well for a shoul
der or Coat collar to this swarthy and indiscreet -
croot sweetheart who bad stolen out thcro
right before everybody to pillow his head on
the virgin's wliito breast nnd whisper soft
sentimentalities to her to the sensuous music
of crushing ice-domes and the boom uud
thunder of the passing avalanche music
very familiar to his car , for he has heard It
every afternoon at this hour slnco the aay ho
first came courting this child of the
earth , who lives in the sky ; and that
'dav is far back yes , for ho was at this
pleasant sport before the middle acres
drifted by him in thovnlloy ; before the Ro
mans marched past , and before tbo antique
and record less barbarians fished and hunted
hero and wondered who ho might bo , and
were probably afraid of him , and bcforo
primeval man hlmsolf just emerged from his
four-footed state , stopped out upon this plain ,
first sumplo of his race , a thousand centuries
ago , and cast a glad cyo up there , judging
hb bad found a orothor human being and
something to Hill ; ' and before tbo big sauri
an s wallowed bore' still some icons earlier ,
oh yesa day so far back that only the eternal
sun himself was present to sea that first
vlilt ; a day so far back that neither tradition
nor history was born yet , and a whole weary
eternity must como and go before .tho rest
less little creature , of whoso face this stu
pendous Shadow-Faco was the prophecy ,
would arrive in the earth and begin bis shab
by career and Intuit it abler thing. Oblndcod ,
yes ; when you tallr about your poor Roman
nnd Egyptian day-boforo-yestorday antiqui
ties , you should choose a tlmo wbon 'tho
hoary tibadow-Faco of tbo Jungfrau in not
by. It antedates alt antiquities known or
Imaginable ; for it was bora tbo world itself
created the theater of future antiquities.
And it is the only witness with a human face
that was there to nee the marvel , and remains -
mains to us a memorial of it ,
Bv 4:40 : p.m. the noao of the shadow is per
fect and is beautiful. It is blacic and power
fully marked against the upright canvas of
glowing snow and covers hundreds of acres
of that resplendent surfocn.
Meantime shadow No. ii has been creeping
out well to the roar of tbo face west of it
and at 5 o'clock has assumed a shape that
has rather a poor nnd rude semblance of
shoo.
Meantime also the great Shadow-Face has
been gradually chanclnc for twenty minute1
and now 5 p.m.is becorao a quite fair portrait
trait of Koscoo Conkllng. Tbo likeness is
there and la unmistakable. The goalee is
shortened now And has an end ; formerly it
hadn't any , but ran off eastward and arrived
nowhere.
By 0 p.m. tbo fane tins dissolved and gene
and tbo goatee has become what looks
llko the shadow of a tower With a pointed
roof , and the shoo boa turned into what tbo
printers call a "fist , " with a llnper pointing.
If I wore now imprisoned on a mountain
summit 100 miles northward of this point
and was denied a timepiece I could got along
well enough from 4 till U o'clock on clear
days , for 1 could keep track of the time by
tbo ohaninng shapes of these mighty
shadows on the Virgin's , front , the most
stupendous dial I am acquainted with , tno
oldest dock in the world by a couple of mil
lion years.
1 suppose I should not bavo noticed the
firms of the shadows if I hadn't tbo habit of
hunting for faces in the clouds and in moun
tain crags a sort of amusement which is
very entertaining oven when you don't find
any , and brilliantly satisfying when you do.
I have searched through several bushels of
photographs of tbo Juncfrau hero , but found
ouly ono with tbo Face in It , and in this ease
it was not strictly recognlrablo as a face ,
which was evidence thut the picture was
taken before 4 in tbo afternoon , und also evi
dence that all thophotoftrabpors bavo persistently - ,
sistontly overlooked ono of the most fascluat-
Ini ; features of the Jungfrau show. I say
fascinating because Jf you once detect a
human face produced on a great plan by un
conscious nature you never got tlrua of
wutcblng it. At first you can't mauo an
other person sea it at all , but after be lias
made it out once be can't see anything else
afterwards.
The King mid tbo Ijiludly
Tbo king of Greece Is a man woo goes
around quietly enough when off duty , Ono
day this summer be wa traveling In an or
dinary first-class compartment , just in fits
other suit , not the ono which bo works the
realm In when lie is at homo , and so bo was
not looking like anybody in particular , but a
good deal like everybody In general. 'By'attd
bv a hearty and healthy Oorman-Arnorlcan
got In nnd opened up a frank and Interested
and sympathetic convocation with him nnd
asked him u couple of thousand question *
about hlmsolf which , the .king , answered
good nnturodly , 'out In a moro or loss Indefinite -
definite way as to private pirtlcnlars.
"Where do you Hvo when you nro at
homol"
"In Orccco. "
"Groo ol Well , now , thut is Just aston
ishing. Born thurel"
"Yes. "
"Do you speak Greek ! "
"Yos.11
"Now , ain't ' that strange ! I never ex
pected to Hvo to see that. What Is your
trail el I menu how do you got your living !
What Is your line of business 1"
"Well , I hardly know how to answer. I
am only n kind of foreman , on a salary ; nnd
the business well , it's a very general kind of
business. "
"Yos , I understand conoral Jobbing little -
tlo of everything--anything that there's
raonov in. "
"That's about It , yes. "
"Aro you traveling for the hoviso now ! " .
"Well , partly , not entirely. Of course I
do a stroke of business if It falls In the
wnv "
"Good ; I llko that In you. That'sIno ; every
time. Go on. "
"I was only golnp to nav 1 nra ofC.on my
vacation now. "
"Well , that's all right , no harm In that }
man works all the hotter for a llltlo lot-up
now and then. Not that I'vo boon used to
having it myself , for I haven't , I reckon
this Is my first. I was born In .Germany and
when I was n couple of weeks old shipped
for America , and I'vo boon there ever elnco ,
nnd that's sixty-four yonra by tho'.watch.
I'm ' an American in prlnslplo and Gorman at
heart , and it's the boss combination , Well ,
how do you got along as n rule -protty
fairl"
"I'vo rather '
a largo familyr-1 .
"Thore , that's It big family and < lrrln ? to
ralso them ou n salary. Now , what dld , you
go and do that forl"
"Well I "
, thought-
"Of course'you did. You were young1 nnd
confident , and thought you could branch out
and make things go with a whirl , nnd "hero
you nro , you seol But never mhld about
that ; I'm .not trying to discourage you.
Do.ir mo I'vo been where
, just you nro my
self. You've got good grit ; ' there's good
stuff Jn you , I-can see that. You'jjot'n'wrong'
start , that's the whole. troublo.Bul , ydu
bold your grip , and we'll see what can bo
done. Your case ain't half as bad as it might
bo. You are going to como out all right
I'm ball for that. Boys and girls ? " "
"My family ! Yes , some of thorn nro
boys " i
"And the roat girls. It's just as.I . expected.
But that's nil right , and it's batter so , any
way. What are the bovs ' doing learning a
Tado ! " - .
"Woll no-I ' "
, - thought-1
"It's a great mistake ; it's the biggest mis
take you over made. You'vo'soon that , in
your own case. A man ought always to hnvo
n trade to fall back on. Now , I .vas n hnr-
nessmakcr nt first. Did that , , prevent ino
from becoming ono of the biggest brewars in
America 1 Oh , no. I always hail the hnr-
joss trick to fall back on in rough weather.
Now , if you hid learned how to make harness
however , it's too late ndw ; lee late , nnd
't's no good plan to cry ever spilt milk. But
is to the boys , you see what's to become of
, hem if anything happens to you i"
'It has bfcon my idea to let the oldest ono
ucceed mo "
"Oh , como ! Suppose the firm don't wont
him ! "
"I hndu't thought of that , but "
"Now look hero , you want to got right
down to business and stop dreaming. You are
capable of immense things man , you can
make a perfect success in life ; all you want
is somebody to steady you nnd boost you
along on the right road. Do you own any-
" .hlng in the business ! "
"No not exactly ; but if I continue to give
ntlsfaction I suppose I can keep my "
"Keep your place yes. Well , don't you
depend on anything of the kind. They'll
bounce you theminuto you yet a little old and
worked out ; they'll do it. sure. Can't ' you
manage somehow to got into the firm that's
, bo great thine , you know. " f
"I think it is doubtful , in fact , very doubt-
til. "
"Urn that's bad yes , and unfair , too. Do
ou suppose if I should go there and have a
talk-With your people look' ' hero do'you
think you could run a brewery ? " r 'i ,
"I bavo hover tried , but-I think1' ' ! could "flo
t after I got a little familiarity with the busi-
uess. "
Tbo Gorman was silent for some timo. Ho
did a good deal of thinking , and the king
waited with curiosity to see what the result
was going to bo. Fiuollv the German said :
"Aly mind's made up. You leave that crowd
you'll never amount to anything thoro.In
thcso old countries they never give a follow
a show. Yes , vou como over to America
come to my place in Rochester ; bring tbo
family along. You shall have a show in the
business and tbo foromanshlp besides. George
you snldyour name was George ? I'll maUo
a man of yon , 1 civo you rajword. . You'vo
never had a chance hero , but that's all going
to change by irracious , I'll give you a lift
that'll make your hair curl ! "
MA.HK TWAIN.
8OMK XOTE1) MEX.
Air. George Peabody Wotmoro , who as
plrcs to bo the next United States senator
from Uhodo Island , is said to bo worth from
$15,000,000 to $ 0,000,000.
It has recently boon announced that there
are only three survivors of Dr. Kano's expe
dition to the Arctio sea made forty yours ago
to rescue Sir John Franklin's ill-fated com
pany. Each of tha three men had'for some
time past believed himself to bo the solo sur
vivor ,
The Rov. T. E. dough , the well known
Baptist missionary who bos labored In India ,
and who is staying at Minneapolis at present ,
is said to resemble Secretary Blaine greatly ,
and when In Washington has been mistaken
repeatedly for the Maine statesman.
Senator Dawes of Massachusetts will bo
70 years old next October , and his ' prdsent
term of ofllco will expire in March l'895 ! , but
there is a good deal of talk about ro-oiectlng
him next winter. >
General Nelson A. Miles should , in the reg
ular order of promotion , becomoabo. general
commanding tbo United States army two
years hence. In that ca o ho will bo the
first roan since General WinficloT Scott not
graduated from West Point to hold that
plnco. - '
* '
Andrew G. Curtln , the celebrated war gov
ernor of Pennsylvania , is now a' * man / > f 75
ypars of ago , but retains ull of luaphysical
and mental vigor. Ho Isat prcsontimmorscd
In the task of preparing for. the publishers
his recollections of his busy and OVentlpi'po
litical life during the last forty.yoaY * . "
Mr. Robert Bruce of Now York ; the vert'
orablouypo founder , celebrated his IWtli.birtb
day1 last Saturday. Bruce fiivoiitpil a ma
chine for typo casting that Is used in every
typo foundry throughout the world.
Ex-Attorney General Garland 14 to'trans-
for his residence back from Washington to
Little Rook. Ho will continue' to bo general
solicitor of the Northern Pacific railroad , but
the place of his labors in public Jlfo no longer
attracts him. >
Mr. Ingulfs no longer , it is said , foe'ls. any
doslro to return to the llfo and strlfo of con-
gross. Ho llnds tbo lecture field moro re-
ror.ncratlvo than bo had expected , bo has
abundant lolsuro to cultivate the muses , ant
ha rojolcos in the absence of official worries
and tbo care of bis constituents that almost
overwhelmed him wbllo In Washington ,
Bourke CooUran Is ouo of the most notable ,
physically as well as Intellectually of tbo
prominent Tammany leaders. Particularly
is bo remarkable for tbo aizo of ' bis head ,
which , though sot oti a pair of broad shoul
ders , li ao.largo as to attract Immediate at
tendon.
Compositors in the United States printing
office In Washington bavo. often kirkei
ogainst'tbo rulings of a proofreader who is
known as "Dictionary" Brown. Sometimes
they would point out to him that Wtibster's
dictionary supported thorn. "Why , so it
does , " ho would say , calmly. Then he
would correct tbo dictionary with pou' nnd
ink.
ink.Tho
The late C. A. White , the song writer , bad
no theoretical knowledge of muslo , and atu-
dfously avoided irolng to the opera uud like
performances lest bis originality should bo
Impaired. His son ? , "I'ut Mo In My Little
Bed , " was suggestee to bis mind ono nlghi
as ho was going homo by seeing a picture of
the Prophet Samuel In the wladow.qf a Bos
ton shop. Samuel was kneoliuff by a bed
sldo with bis hands claspodj lu prayer , Mr
White wrote the melody and the firit verso
In about ffficeh minutes. Wbon bo composed
"Marguerite , " he decided to attempt a love
song , and then thought out a story , With
tbU in mind he picked up a viollo , tuaod , lt
and the melody seemed to como of lUol
without coaxing.
BY ; * M. QUAD
Special nUojllq/i { , / Is called to the fact that.
TDK HRK hns qicjuslve use in Its territory of
M. Quad's" oarrcnt writings.
to1 1 _ _ _ _ _
lOnjwtyliJ/j/ / lijC. / . n , Lmtt. ]
DON'T WA T ANY.Wo see bytho
Tucson nnd I'fjmbstono papers Unit the
icoplo of these towns nro potting romly
, o float a sprl'nVboom. Wo don't wnnt
anything of thd sort horo. Wo just want
o see this town hold 'lovol nnd lot her
tnko n nnturnl fenlt. 'Booms nmno ficti
tious values und help only a few , while
n slow nnd stcnfly growth bonoflts every
body. Wo hnvon'tdono much bragging
In the Inat your , but If there is any other
town In the state which bus opened
nineteen now saloons , put up two
school liousoo , stnrtcd. seVen now poltcr
clubs nnd planted seven bad , bad men in
sandy soil , wo should llko to hoar it
called by tmmo.
AInjor Johnson , \vhp owns eighteen
neros of sand prnh-lo , on which nothing
jut cactus nn'd ' rattlesnakes will grow ,
B nchinir to etart n boom nnd work his
ronl cstnto off on eastern tenderfoots
who want to go into figs nnd oranges.
tie thinks ho could got $25,000 in cash
'or what cost him n , twenty-dollar mulo.
Bul the Klckor will sit right down on
uiy boom ho may sot nlloat. This town
B doing well enougn ns it is nnd it is
wlso to lot , well onoucrh nlono.
P. S. Slnco the above was In typo wo
have boon Informed that the number of
now saloons is Itwonty-nino , itiBtcndof
nineteen n gain of ton. Wo shouldn't
bo surprised" if it turned out the same
way with the poker clubs.
UNDIMI CONSIOKHATION. The editor
of the Kicker ( who Is oursolf ) and the
mayor of this town'who ( is nlso ouraolf )
uro in receipt of invitations to nttcnd the
opening of Aho Pacific Poker rooms next
week. As editor of the Kicker wo shall
nccopt the invitation , but ns mayor wo
may have to decline it. Wo have the
matter under consideration , and hnvo
written to the mayors of several other
"
towns for ndvica
It doesn't scorn to us to bo exactly the
proper thing for the mayor of this town
to attend the opening of n public gam
bling placo. As editor of the Kicker ho
hns no objection to going , butoflicinl dig
nity must bo considered nnd maintained.
It will bo n sutjjl hco for us not to attend ,
but wo were oleotod to muko sacrifices
and shall not c"ii plain.
Our contemporary oauio out yostordny
with the announcement that the mayor
was loafing in JJiJfRed Front saloon Sat
urday evening , ; to the detriment of his
dignity. It iB not { rue. As editor of
the Kicker wo went in for a nip. As
'
mayor , after the nip had been disposed
of , wo took a Ipafj around to see if the
ordinance waqyieing violated in any
manner. " - * ° ' '
THE RETURN flttjT HE .POSTAGE STAMP.
i it.it
i A long , -lathy u colored man t about
thirty j'car ptugolnJ } ( takoa'ftSoat on
the depot "i > fat forth rtith his back to' a
(
cotton halo wlion a , fat and stocky
colored man ciimo across the dusty
street and stood before him and gazed
unon him in undisguised contempt and
disgust. This had continued for n minute -
ute when the , o.no pa the platform
queried :
"Stove BoUisto'r , who jro' lobkin nt in
dnt distinguished , way ? "
"I'zo looking nt yo' , sah. "
"Whntyo' looking nt mo fur ? "
"Two weeks ngo"said the stocky
man , as' ho nourished his right arm in
the air , "yo' slnndored my character ! "
"I duii sent yo1 n challenge , sah a
challenge to moot mo ! "
"Hu ! "
" 1 sent it frow-do mail , on I disclosed
an oxlra postage 'stomp fur yo' to reply
wid. Up to dis date , sah , I lias per
ceived no reply. Now , sah , I wants to
know whatyo' is gwino to do about ill"
"What I'zo gwino to deV I'll ahovv
yo' , sahl Doan' you reckon yo' kin bull
doze mo , Stove Bollistor ! "
Ho took from his hip pocket an old
handkerchief , and from the folds of the
handkerchief a piece of brown paper ,
and after two minutes' hunting ho found
a 'postage stump and handed it out , with
the remark : ,
"If yo1 dun thought I hadn't do manly
honor to mwo and return dat stamp don
yo' didn't know mo , sah didn't know
mo ! "
"Sahl" replied the stocky man , ns ho
examined the stamp and put it away ,
"I nccopt do apology an' am no longer
mnJ"If
"If you hain't mnddon , I hain't mad , "
rejoined the other , nnd presently they
went across the street with their arms
around ouch ether to got a drink.
A FREAKY COLONEL.
About the 'middle of the 'afternoon I
came io a crossroads und saw a white
man fast asleep , with his buoic to a tree ,
while un ancient looking C9lorod man
wjis lying on tho/ grass throe or four
yards away , and a horflo was hitched to
the fonco. The negro saw mo as I approached
preached , and pqiL'.up nud caino out to
the 'road and respectfully saluted mo and
said : - ,
"Does yo' wantoW ax any qucshiuns ,
bosaV" , ,7- ,
"Yos. 1 wnntjvj.o6 Know how far it is
toGraysvillo. " - *
" 'Deed , snh.ppKI can't toll yo' . I
hain't dun boon ycirp n great while. "
"Who is thatVViI asked , pointing to
the wliito nmn. , d n
"Hlm'd KurnoltWhite , snh. "
"Aro you his swvauti" '
" 'Znctly , imhi'tznotly. "
"Woll , lot's wftkei the colonel up und
BOO if lu can't toll' hto. "
"Did yo' jess tf'/iht' tor ask how fur it
nm to Graysvlllo"liQ ! asked.
" -0 * ' '
" ' " - "
"Doan' want t trflk pollyUcks ? "
< lja
t >
UMy , . ll
i o. f t , j r ,
"Nor about do wahV"
"No. " '
"Doan1 wantor buy flo kurnol'a land
nor nutllnV"
"No. Did ho toll vou not to disturb
Win ? " tr , >
"Ho did sab do kurnnl'a
, , an a worry
peaky man. Dooa yo | want to wuko
ill in up to ax him to tu'ko a drink vvid
yo'V"
'II bnven't . "
got n flask along.
"Don , sah , lot mo inform yo' dat do
xnlnuit I dun woke him up he'd yell the
biggest yell yo' eber heard of. Den he'd
whoop un holier an bogiq to shute wid
his pistil , an afo1 wo knowod it wo'd
boat he dead und do hess shot full o' bul
lets. Sorry , null , .hut I knows joss how
lipucts. Some kurnols wake up llko
lambs , but dis yere one nobbur did sur
render iii-tor ilu wuh , an bo's all do time
bolloxln dnl de United Stalls is nrtor
him wid a gunboat an fo'tcon cannonl"
A LIST OFinprS LEGACIES ,
The other rainy day I climbed up into
the garret nnd knocked the cover off n
dry gdods box to have n look nt cortnln
flocurition which hnvo lain dormant , ns
It were , for many years pnst. My pat
ents I shall lotivo to my rohulves ; my
securities I propose to bequeath without
reference to ties of blooJ. It Is not
usual to Inform n person or society of
the provisions of your will while you nro
btill In good health and hoping to Hvo
another ilfty yonrs , but In this cnso I
shall depart from the custom.
Lot No. 1 This consists" Sr.00.000 .
worth of certificates of stock In the High
Jump silver mlno of Novndn , I discov
ered the mine myself nbout twenty yonrs
ngo , nnd was mitdo president of the or-
ganl'/atlon. Wo expected the stock to
jump to 200 In n month , nnd that's why
wo called the mlno the High Jump.
The slock jumped down to nothing ,
howovqr , and the title should really bo
changed to the Low Jump. The pack-
atfd of cortlllcntos weighs nearly three
pounds , und I bequeath It to the Stand
ard Oil , company to enable that organiz
ation to ncqulro control of the remainder
of the earth.
Lot No. i ! This consists of certificates
of stook of the face value of $1,0011,01)0 )
in the Texas Lund and Banking com
pany. It was not my schema , but I was
lot in on Iho ground floor by the origi
nator. The idea was to turn the Staked
Plains 6f Texas into n garden , and ralso
nil sorts of truck for the western market
nnd to open a' bank somewhere around
there with n cush capital of a million or
so. It paid $250 to got the certificates
printed , nnd was told to help myself. I
hav'o ' often wondered why I didn't also
loud my ether mule with thorn. I once
tried to put this stock up ns collateral
fOr n loan of $15 , but the banker pointed
to the sign on. his desk , "This is my busy
day , ' ' and so I .did not persist. Bankers
occasionally miss a good thing as well as
ether folks. I have bequeathed this
stock to the city of Chicago in trust. If
nho can unload it onto Boston capitalists
I am sure she will do so.
Lot No. 3 This consists of a scheme , a
failure nnd'tho bankruptcy of three emi
nent citizens. The scheme wnsto "salt"
n silver mlno in Montana and sell it to n
St. Louis syndicate for $2,000,000. The
"stilting" process took place as adver
tised , but the agent of the syndicate let
go of the bnit nt a critical period nnd
left the mi no on our hands. While wo
were in a state of suspense some China
men stole nil wo hud put into tlio hole ,
and our organization had to live for the
next week on a pound of bacon. My
share of the scheme is valued nt nbout
8200,000 , though I have boon ready to
sacrifice BOtnothlng for cash. I shall
leave it to Undo Sam as a nuclou * for
the establishment of a zoological garden
in Yellowstone park. I hope ho will put
it In a strong , safe cage and caution the
keeper not to permit the public to poke
it with canes or umbrellas.
Lot No. 4 This consists of seven
pounds weight of sharps in the Oregon
Banking , Trust , Mining and Improve
ment company. It took seven 6f us to
originate the idea , and as I happened to
bo the only ono with $75 cash on hand I
was mndo president , and spent $ GO of my
capital in getting the board of directors
out of jail. The idea was to establish
seven banks one for each one of us
and to trust nnd mine nnd improve wher
ever wo could jump n paying thing or
strike n tenderfoot. Wo were not par
ticular nbout the shares. I could have
had forty pounds as well as seven , but
felt too tired to carry them around. A
Philadelphia man once olTercd mo $10
for the stock , intending to fail and turn
it in as assets for his creditors , but before
fore 1 could got homo ho was sunstruck
nnd diod. I bequeath the bundle just as
it is , securely tied up with sheep twine ,
to the person who brings out the first
successful Hying mnchino.
Lot No. 5 This idea was worthy of
the glorious west nnd was entirely my
own. It was to cut a canal from Sun
Francisco to Suit Lake and put on u line
of boats to carry freight and passengers.
The canal company was also to do min
ing , irrigating , ranching and fruit grow
ing. It was to run a lottery , publish
books , do u banking business , bore for
oil , put out patent medicines and open
summer resorts. I got the idea. ono
night while lying under acaclus in com
pany with two rattlesnakes. Having
olceted myself president , I found a
young man from Buffalo who was willing
to act as treasurer and promoter , and
while his money lasted wo slept under a
regular tent nnd hnd regular bacon and
Hour to oat. No certificates of stock
were ever issued. Wo opened a list of
subscribers ; got sixty-two men willing
to take $1,000,000 each , and then the
young man's father was taken with
whooping cough and ho had to go home.
As president of n company which w.is
to bo capitalized nt $300,000.000 I hud to
stand on my .dignity , and the scheme
wont to sleep. It has by no means been
abandoned , : nd is u good thing to keep
in rosorv.0. I have about decided to bequeath -
quoath it to n young man in Providence
whonj I mot'in Boston a few weeks ago.
If ho will return my traveling bag and
overcoat I will forward him all maps ,
plans , estimates , etc. , without waiting
to die. Fiom the slick way in which he
robbed mo I believe ha can so out west
nnd run a 8300,000,000 syndicate with
ono hand tied behind him.
AN AME1UCAN FABLE.
An Englo who'had lived to a Ripe old
Ago , and iwho was BO thoroughly Wed
ded to .iho- Idea of Pence at any price
thut ho hail. Lost most of his Tail Fuuth-
orsin his efforts to carry it out , was
taunted 'und'blull'cd and uriovoualy In
sulted by , a Chiokon hurdly yet able to
So ute i for himself. To the eront
Attazemont of Iho Chicken nnd nil the
other Fowls 'looking on , the ICuglo sud
denly picked up his Intultor nnd Shook
oil most of his Feathers und Demanded
u String of Apologies DS long us from
the HiuohohouBo door to the corncrib.
Knocked out by the Unexpected turn of
Affairs , the Apologies wore Forthcom
ing , and while the Knglo settled down
to smooth his I'lumagoand the Chicken
wont for the Bushes , the Turkey olo-
vutod his eyebrows and Remarked to the
Crowd :
"Well ! but who'd
, by gosh n-thought
Apd that's what all the rest of us nro
saying. _ M. QUAD.
Wo jwml tlm marvelnit ) Trench
Itcme.lr CALTHOS fivr. oud n
legal Ku.irant.Hthat C'iLTlios 111
HT I > IIIliurBl' A. Kinl lon .
ClTItR Hix > rniat < irrlicu.nrlcvctle
und JtlCHTOUK UiU > Igor ,
Use il anttfOYlfiatiiJietl.
JU.lr.u , VON MOHL CO. ,
8c1 Imtrloi tiroU , rUcliuU , Oblc.
Baby's cheek is like a peach ,
Isit Jiladamo RUppert's bleach ?
No ! but baby's mama's oheok
Volumes to its praise doth f > peak !
Call tot MUJO. Uupport' * book , "How to bit l > eautl <
fill" of Mrs. J. llen n . ; 2IO K. 1Mb bt. , C'matia , Neb ,
CONSUMPTION.
I Live ft ptjtir remedy ftr th0 tbovodweAM ; by its
ue tliouitndi of eu f of Iho wont kind tad odour
lUnding have been arod. Indeed no llrcmj ii in ; fat til
la lu tifficjcr. Uiit I will * > udT uUOTTLU run , with
a VALUAIlUi THKATISU cmttuidUuuatoiuijriiur-
fvrvr wlio will fceudiuethoir Kxpruvnaud 1 * . O. addrata.
T. A. Slocuiu. 31. V. , 183 I'uurl fit. , N. Y.
JHEY WASH THEIR CLOTHES
WITH
their style.
11' ' ' .
'
I i
MADE ONLY BY
RKfAIRBANK&Co. CHICAGO.
Dear Sir :
We will Itfleascd to mail io you , securely sealed
s , and free ft om alt marks , a copy of our t realise on H
= - t/te Irvittg Treatment of the Decline of Manhood "
and Nervous Debility. Aho sample of the Irving
Specifics. Enclose stamp to cover postage ,
Respectfully Yours ,
IRVING DOMEOPA1IHO INSTITUTE , SC Fifth Aunnt , New Tort
BESfi
The UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS '
that the
Behr Bros. & Go's.
PIAN
Iliue nflnliiptl , and the hl < 'li prnlso Ihcy have cllclletl from the world's MOST RE
NOWNED ARTISTS , from the press nnd from n public long jtrcjudlcoJ In favor of
Idcrnmkes , It is safe to assume that tlm instrument miisl bopo B clef UNCDM
3ION ATTRI1JUTK8.
ATTRI1JUTK8.MAX MEYER & BRO. CO ,
Sole Agents , Omaha , Nebraska ,
Established iS66 >
CHICHESTEH-S EIIQLICH. USD CROSS
THE ORIGINAL AND GENUINE. Thi onlr Hufr , Hure , nJr laU ( nil for tale.
ndle * , atk DrugcUt for CMelrifrr I EnylUk Pttmonrt iirand la Krd anil Odd mrlnlllo
twxci Kcalrd with blue r.t.bon. TcLo Ilu ot rp Llnd.ue Autimution * and /inflation * .
Ill pllli ID pMMbotrd toxeR , pick wrapprri , * rc dangerou * raaMtrrft It * . At Drugglm , ar trnl nl
4p. In itumiii fir lurllculni. tnllmonMi. > n.l . "Itrllef fur I.odlo , " In burr , bt return Mull.
lO.OOOTcitlraonUll. imt l-apir. CHICHESTCR CHEMICAL CO. , Mnilnn Hoimro ,
hold br nil Loral UrmtcUU. I'llll.ADt.I.I'lllA. 1'A.
THElira
OF OMAHA.
ABSOLUTELY INCANDESCENT
P1RE PROOF , ELECTRIC LIGHTS
PERFECT \
NOT A DARK
VENTILATION
OFFICE
IN THE BUILDING
NIGHT AND DAY
ELEVATOR
68 VAULTS , SERVICE ,
DIRECTORY OF OCCUPANTS :
GROUND FLOOR :
NAUGT E OOMPANV , Telegraph l'olo < i , OlTYTKEASUIiER.
Cross Tlos. Lumber , uto. OMAHA HEAL ESTATE AN'O TRUST CO.
MTIIR&aAVIjUKI ) , Hu.il Estate. J. I ) ANTES , Rotunda Olsnr Btuud.
OITY COMI'TUOU'Elt. '
' WOMEN'S1 RXU1IANQR.
FIRST FLOOR :
TI1K OMAHA 1JEE COUNTING ROOM , Atl- FRANC L. REEVES & CO. . Contractors.
vcrtlsliiKund Subscription nepiirtmcnU. WESTERN UNION TELEGRAPH OITICE.
AMERICAN WATER WORKS COMl'ANY. CENTRAL LOAN AND TRUST CO.
SUPERINTENDENI' 1IEE HUILDING.
SECOND FLOOR.
THE PATRICK LANO COMl'ANY , Ownurs THE EQUITAHLE Lll'E ASSURANCE 8
of Dundee 1'JiiL'o. OIETYOKNEW YOIUC.
DR. CHARLES IIOSEW/.TIW. OHKIbriAN.SCIENCE ASSOCIATION.
PROVIDENT SAVINGS LIKE , of Now Yorlc ANGLO-AMERICAN MORTGAGE & TRUST
MASSACHUSETTS MUTUAL LITE INSUR COMPANY.
ANCE COM PAN y. REE IIUREAU 01' CLAIMS ,
OMAHA KIRK INSURANCE INBPEUL'IDN DR. 11. II. IIIRNEY. iVosnatid Tbnvtt.
IJUREAU , C. HARTMAN , lusjieotor. GRANT OULLIMORE , Oculist uncl Aurht ,
THIRD FLOOR.
JOHN GRANT , Contractor for Street ftiidSIdo- MANHATTAN LIFE INSURANCE COM-
wnlk I'.ivoimmt-s. PANY.
ROIIERT W. PATRICK. Law Olllcai. M. R. TRAUERMAN. Attorney.
EQUITY COURT NO , 1. DR. 0-UAR H. HOl'TMAN.
EQUITY COURT NO. 2. UNITED SPATES LIKii INSURANCE CO. ,
LAW COURT NO. 4. of < Nmv York ,
J. M , UI1A UDKKH , Abstracts. K.V. . bIMEUAL.
WM. S1MERAU t < . R. PATTEN. Dentist ,
FOURTH FLOOR.
NORTHWESTER ? : MUTUAL UKE INSUR K.M.ELLIS , Aiubltoet.
ANCE COMPANY OEOilUE W. BUKi i COMPANY. BolldUort of
I'ati-nt.s.
CONNECTICUT MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE
H.A.WAGNEItAiieiitfir UnltedStuloiMutual
ANCE COMPANY.
*
Aculilcnt Insurance Company ,
PENN MUTUAL LU'K INSURANCE COM
PANY. JOHN LETIIEM , Publisher ,
HARTI-ORD LIKE AND ANNUITY INSUR- OMAHA COAL EXCHANGE.
ANOE COMl'ANY. J' , K. EKEN1IERG , Kruscii P.iliitor.
MKAD INVESTMENT COMPANY. ALEX MOORI < : . Riut Edtitt3 und Lo.ins.
WEllbTER & . HOWARD. Insurance. ItOHN SAHII AND DOOR CO ,
EDISON GENERAL ELECTRIC * COMPANY. Till : MERCHANTS RETAIL COMMERCIAL
WE8TEUN CAR 8EKVIUH ASSOCIATION. AGENCY.
ANDREW ROriEWATBU , Civil Kiuluoer. faTAI'LETOX LAND CO.
. J. . 1 ! / . ( lv. t\U 1 i.iimr ,
FIFTH
HEAD QUARTERS. U. fi. ARMY. DEPART- CHILI' PAYMASTER.
M ENT Ol' THE PLAT 1'E , 'J3 Ollk-us. PAYMASTER.
DEPARTMENT COMMANDER. ASSISTANT QUARTERMASTER.
ADJUTANT GENERAL.
INSPECTOR GENERAL. INSPECTOR .SMALL ARMS
JUDGE ADVOCATE. OIIIKFOI/ ORDNANCE ,
OIIIEK QUARTERMASTER. ENGINEER OFFICER.
AIOES.DE-OAMP. '
MEDICAL DIRECTOR. AhslbTANT SURGEON.
SIXTH FLOOR.
HARTMAN & COLLINS. Oust Iron ( Jus and UNITEDSTATE.S LOAN & INVESTMENT
Water Pipe. (
C , LAMIIERT SMITH , THE IMPLEMENT DEALER.
G. K. I1EIN1XJRKK , Ar.'blteet. I. O. NAsll , l.o ins.
REED PRINTING CO. HAMILTON LOAN AND TRUST CO.
EDITORIAL ROOMS OF THE 111:1 : , Compos.
U. S. AllilY PRINTING OI'KIOE ? . INK. Htom < jtyln" | uud Mailing rooms ,
MANUFACTURERS AND CONSUMERS AS- il. A. UPTON CO. , Rual Ebtulo.
SOOIAT10N. I''A DAWKS.
\
SEVENTH FLOOR.
THE OMAHA PRESS CLUII. LINCOLN CLUll.
SOCIETY OK faTATIONARY ENGINEERS. 11ARIIER SHOP.
A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying
ot R. W. Baker , Superintendent , office on counting room floor