10 THE OMAHADAILY- J. 1892-SIXTEEN 1'AGES.
S ARIZONA KICKER
AND OTHER STORIES.
BY "M. QUAD" .
Special attention Is called to tbo fact that
CIIK UXR has exclusive use In Its territory of
I'M. Quad1 * " current writings.
Jt.
NOT BXACTI.T CTCI.ONKS. An odstorn sub
kcrlbor to Tbo KlcUor writes to aslc us If this
lection of Arizona U over visited by cyclones.
RVo don't think it is. At least wo hnvo never
keen , rend or heard of n cyclone within 100
this town. On the contrary , gentle
.opdyr.s begin to blow with the rising of the
| mn , nnd keep It up until the shades ot evenIng -
Ing fall zephyrs so soft and gonllo and good
lialurcd that half a pound of buckshot In n
( nan's coat tall pockets will kcop him plumb
up nnd down all day long ,
No , wo don't ' run to cyclones. Wo have a
liottor nnd cheaper way of getting rid of the
pompany of n citizen who renders himself ob
noxious to the community. It nlso leaves his
Domains In bottoc ahapo for his relatives , If
Jo bnppens.to have tiny.
IT MAKF.S A DIFFKIIRXCE. The former
tinyor of this town Vvas a good hearted man ,
but utterly unfit to fill the high and responsi
ble p.iiltlon. Strangers used to call nt the
city hill , to find him so boozy that ho couldn't '
Ifll an eastern professor from a Chicago om-
pejzlor , and If a speech of welcome was to bo
naJo ho paid Jim HavngiJ , the city clorl : , $10
> stutter It off and wring In a dozen or moro
ln phrases.
Slnco wo were elected mayor by an ovor-
rholmlii | { majority , the boys see a great
llllToronco. Wo permit no games of old
iloJgo In the mayor's ofllco. Wo nro never
JrunU. Wo always have on a wnlto shirt ,
find when a stranger calls wo welcome
htm In a neat little speech without anything
but plain English In It. Although elected
only a month ago wo have already been told
| th.t wo nro good for two or throe moro terms
nnd wo may udd that wo have already begun
jlnylng wires for -election. .
A SAI > DUTT. Our subscribers will bsar
Kvltnois that wo have never mentioned our
ontomporary when wo could possibly avoid
| lt.Vo have no quarrel with him. Ho runs
an alleged weekly paper which has 4HO sub
scriber ! , including deadheads. Ho can
neither shoot nor edit. Ho ought to hnvo
cotno hero nnd started a small cooper sbop.
[ Wa never think of him without a fooling of
pity , and have always stood ready to lend
aim our card cutter or furnish him with
enough patent mcdlcmo cuts to 1111 up his
ourth page.
However , unless our esteemed ceases to
( pitch Into us ns editor nnd mayor , wo shall
rmvo n sad duty to perform. Wo shall have
to publUh the evidence In our possession
ltliut"ho stele bogs In Now Hampshire aim
wus obliged to Icavo that state between two
days to save his bacon. Wo don't want to
liitrrfcro with a man who has como west to
Ini ilto a now start In life , but he must not
llntcrfcro with us. A word to the wise Is
Buniclcnt. Lot us alone and wo will keep
Iqulot about the hogs ; continue to pitch Into
lus nnd wo will glvo the number ( seven ) , the
loolor ( spotted ) , and the name of the man
I ( George Wnlto ) from whom they were stolen.
Too Bust. Wo nro In receipt of an Invlta-
Itlon to deliver an address before the Oregon
Society of Archaeology on tbo 2cl of April
Itiuxt , tailing as our subject tbo artificial an-
| tfUltlos [ | of Ailzona. Wo must decline with
1 1 h an Us. Whllo Arizona has lots of artificial
loitlciuiilos ; , of which all of us are Justly
Iproud , wo are too busy to handle the subject
las It ought to bo handled , and wo have no
I railroad pass to take us to Portland and ro-
| tiirn. ' " " "
Wo nro now editor and proprietor of a
l-cat weoldy.mayor of the townownor of the
only concert hall and the only capitalist In
[ the place who can lend a man $50 without
Wiling a mule or n pair of revolvers. In ad-
Id Itlon , wo conduct a grocery , feed store , har-
Incss shop , hardware store , butcher shop and
I { fun store , and furnish dally weather reports
I from ibo tower ot our ofllco. It will thus be
I Eton that our time must bo fully occupied.
A Pituiir.ST MAN. Wo were out with the
1 1 oys last Friday night to look after the wcl-
of Catamount Jim , a new arrival , who
pvui firing away a prcat many cartridges
1 1 round town to make somebody stand in awe
of him as a terror. Wo did not find him. Ho
I had got word that tbo grip had reached town
I nnd no didn't want any of It. The mule ho
wont away on was only valued at $15 , but It
ptobably make the first ton miles in an hour.
WITH IIIS BOOTS ON.
Camp Hard Luck was six months old , and
\ve naun't yet lost a roan by death. Now
ni.i ] ibou ono bad mot with an nccldcnt to
lay him up for a few weeks , but It was n sub
ject of congratulation that no ono had ac
tually tbi-uoil up his toes. Almost while wo
congratulated ourselves on this peed fortune ,
D neon Whlto took to bis bed and became
neriously 111. Tbo deacon was a quiet , dlpnl-
llcd mail , who never thawed out even when
( ruMcy was plenty , nnd ho was the no-
Idiowlodgcd peacemaker of tlio camp. Tbo
chaps Just over the hill at Cherry Diggings
jvoni a quarrolbotno , brawling lot , and but
for iho efforts of Dcacpn Whlto thcro'd have
voniutlines been TOWS in which somebody
would have got burled.
Three days after the deacon vras taken
lown bo SOUL for two or three of UH to pav
( liw a ypt'cial visit. Wbon wo bed como to-
Ituihur in his shanty bo said :
' "Boys , I'm a very sick man. It's my last
flcmioss. I'm ' an old man , and I realize that
1'vo ' got to go. "
Wo know that it was a eorlous case but yet
\vi < talked encouragingly and tried to brace
him up.
"li'h no use , " ho protested after wo bad
Jiod our say. " 1'vo got to die , and the only
< | iicftloii U bow snail I go. If I dlo In my
Imd the boys won't like It , It would look
lee womanish , and tbj follows ever tbo hill
would have another chance to brag. Thoy'vo
tiuil tlirco men dlo , and all died wltb tholr
Iwow on. "
As u inuttor of fact wo were a little tender
fin Ibat point , but wo were willing to mnko
nn exception in the cmo of the deacon. Howe
wo * not u lighting man , and bo couldn't bo
fxncotcd to got up off a dying bed and got In
Iho way of a bullot. Wo talked and argued
\vlth him , and apparently made him teething
thing * asvu did , and after an hour or so wo
returned to work , loavlnir him In the care of
B man whoso foot had been hurt and who
wa > Just able to limp around.
Tlii * was about a o'clock In Iho afternoon.
At about 4 a Cherry Diggings man , who hail
llllort up on whisky , nppoa.-cd on the crast ol
iho hill and began wlioopmc and veiling nnd
Blvltig our camp the grand dell. Following
our uiunl line ot conduct , wo paid no atten
tion to him. but bo kept on seeking a quarrel ,
nnd bv and by something happened to starllo
u * . Wo board a ringing war whoop and
Kokod up to see Deacon Whlto , fully
ilivusod and having n revolver In bis band ,
( trhllug up the trail. The man loft with
linn had fallen asleep , and tbo deacon had
dressed and armed himself without anybody
bcliic tbo wiser. Ho was a nun six foot tall ,
but bo looked to bo a foot moro asvo siu\
blm now. Jils long , black hair was blowint
out behind from under bis hat , nnd tbo yell :
he uttered as ho went up tbo trail tout cbllU
ever every man of us.
" * The chap from Cherry Diggings must have
WH 'juinbfouudod , even though half drunk.
Ho reused his shouting and stood stock sill
until the deacon oamo within pistol shot and
opened Uro. Then ho turned to fine , but a
iiiillut In the lot ? brouRht blin down. The
duncon continued to advance , firing alt the
tiniu , and wo suddenly saw him throw up his
arms nnd fall at full length. Only then did
rnv of us move. It bad all como upon us lu
Hicb A way that wo stood spellbound. When
V J UU tiiovo a hundred of us wont together ,
nnil in throe minutes wo were at the crest ol
the hill , Tboro lay the deacon , shot through
Ibo huurt. and there lay thoChorry Diggings
loun , huvlng fojr bullets In bltn and dcai
rnoupu before wo got there. As wo lookea
down on the face of tbo deacon we oxpeotoc
to uud it wild and distorted , but it was not
o. There was a smllo thoro-n smllo fading
nway Into pallor ns death claimed the victory ,
to hnd illo3 with his boots on and saved
Cnmp Hard Luck from being disgraced la
bo oycs of Cherry Diggings ,
WFLY.
Dy and b.r the bnldhcadod man , who had
icon assorting that the world was created at
east halt a million J cars ago , and that no
ono could mnko him bollovo In the theory of
transmigration , leaned bank In bis scat and
settled himself down for n nap. I snw him
ako out nn artificial horsefly nnd place U on
bis nose before closing bis oycs , but It was a
quarter of an hour before It attracted niton-
tton. Then n'woman looked back nnd noticed
t nnd said to her husband :
' Samuel , do you sco ttmtl You'd bdttergo
md brush that fly oft that poor man's noso.
It's n wonder ho can sleep with It ; bnt I
s'poso bo's tired out. "
"Yes , I guess I'll do that much for him,1
replied the man , and ho rose up and wan
onck. The fly was very quiet , nod ho ad
vnnced bis thumb antl linger and carefully
ptckod It oft and dropped It on tbo floor.
"Wha what Is 111" asked the baldhoadod
man as ho roused up.
"A fly on your nose , sir. "
"A llv , oh 1 Where Is It ! Ah 11 soo. "
Ho picked It up nnd replaced It on his nose
nnd said :
"Sir , I would thank you to mind your own
imslnossl This Is my fly. I bought him for
10 cents. Attend to your owu fly and 1 will
to mlnol"
Do loaned back for nnotbor nap , nnd after
costing at him In n bowlldorcd way for half a
mlnuto tbo farmer returned to his wlfo.
"What Is It , Bamuoll" she nskod.
"Nuthln niitbtn 'copt if 1 had that follor
down In our tamarack swamp I'd maul him
'til ho couldn't breath o for makln a fool of
mol"
mol"OEY
OEY A LAWYMjCOULD DO IT.
Ho sat Just opposite to mo on the trainand
from the legal documents ho was perusing I
and no doubt that ho was n lawyer. I looked
out of the window ns the whlstlo blow to
note that wo were approaching a largo town ,
and a mlnuto later felt that tbo car was off
the rails. A half open switch bad done the
business. Wo bobbed nnd bumped along fern
n few yards , and then the car tilted ever aud
wont down nn embankment.
\Vo wcro all pulled out of the wreck after
n bit , nnd I lound I hnd u broken leg and
Bomo lessor ovils. I was laid on the grass
bosldo tbo lawyer , who was for n tlmo un
conscious , but presently ho came to and
briskly observed : "Open switch train derailed -
railed culpable carelessness won't settle
for a cent under $5,0001"
Ho seemed to feel of Uimsolf for two or
thrco minutes to find out bow badly ho was
hurt and than continued :
"Worso than I tboucht forl It appears
that both less and Ulia loft arm are broken ,
ind I think I can also plead Internal Injuries.
I'm good for six month's In the hospital , even
if I pull through. Damages not ono cent loss
than $10,001) ) , nnd don't bo in a hurry to settle
at thatllguro ! "
There were people rushing about , stH ! on-
( ? ngod In the work of rescue , nnd three or
tour of us wnro groaning and taking on close
by , but the lawyer was In no wise rattled.
Ho was evidently sinking , however , for his
volco was much weaker as ho said :
"Papers , cards nnd envelopes on the body
to Identify it by , and they'll telegraph my
wlfo and snip mancled remains homo by ex
press. Hurt worse than I thouRht for. Quito
sure I'm going to ale. Will drawn and
everything In order , and loft note on my
ofllco desk formywifoto sue for § 20,030 in
case of my death. Clear case , and Jury won't
be out flvomlnutos. _ , "
If no said any moro I dlan't catch it. I
was just tben busy louring up my own dam
ngcs and groaning away In four languages.
By and by the people came with doors and
shutters to carry us up to the depot. As
two of them were ready to pick uio up I said :
"I think the lawyer hero is hurt n good
deal worse thnn I nm , and you may glvo him
the proforoncc. "
"Ob , ho isn't In a bit of a hurry bo's stone
dead 1" replied ono of the men as ho took a
brief look.
It was a fact , nnd further , I was In the
court room when his widow received a ver
dict for $20,000.
"
AS THE FLAME OF. A CANDLE.
Ono who looked tbo crowd over as wo
waited for tno train , would not have sot us
down ns hard hearted nnd indifferent ; but so
wo proved to bo , as a young cirl not over 18
yoars. of ago , leading an old man who was
stone bllna and very feablo , passed slowly
around the room soliciting alms. They got a
penny hero nnd there , but even these coins
seemed to 5 > o given grudgingly , aud these
who govo nothing consoled themselves with
tbo reflection that the pair were frauds and
really needed no financial assistance.
When they had made the tour of the room
the girl lud the old man to a seat in u corner ,
and after a few words had passed between
thorn they began singing a hymn. She had
a wonderful volco lor a child , clear nnd
sweet , nnd hU was a dooo bass. The hymn
was that entitled "Nearer , ftly God , to
* L'beo. " You have heard It by a full choir ,
accompanied by the strains of a grand organ ,
butyou ; never listened so intently ns wo did
there. There was a plaint m that girl's
volco which touched a cliord , and there was
a quaver In the old man's ' bass which sad
dened you. They sung low and soft , nod
they bad not tlulshod a verse whoa half of us
were standing up to see thorn bettor.
The girl kept her eyes on the floor nt her
foot. The sightless eyes of the old man her
father were raised to the coiling , and over
bis wrinkled face crept a clad smllo as they
finished the cDorus :
Nearer , my God , to Thee ,
Nearer to i'hco. '
The hymn was not finished when every
man began feeling for a contribution nnd
women opened their portonionnalos. It was
different now. They were no longer frauds
and every ono was glad to glvo something.
Two or three were ready to move about to
take up a collection , but they waited for the
end of the hymn. When it came to'tlio cho
rus of the last verse the old man was singing
away bravely. Half way through his volco
suddenly choked and the last two lines were
sung by the girl alone and dlod away In a sob
and a cry. All of us saw the old man's head
drop forward nnd bis body lurch. Ho would
have fallen to the floor bad not tbo girl
seized and Held him up. A dozou of us wcro
there in n moment , but wo w ro too lato.
Tbo old man's 'Ufa ' bad gene out as you
breathe upon tbo llnmo of n candle ana on
his ashen lips still tre'nblod the sacred notes
ot the refrain :
Nearer to Thoo.
A PARTIAL LIST OF 31. QUAD'S ' PATENT
RIGHTS.
Bnlng still of sound mind , but not knowIng -
Ing what a day may bring forth , I am preparing -
paring a list of the patent rights I bavo on
hand aud stored away for the bonoflt of my
heirs. During the last thirty years I bavo
picked up u good thing In tins line whou-
ever opportunity offered , nnd If my heirs
display proper energy lu developing these
patents after I am laid away , every ono of
tbom will rank with the millionaires. The
list , so fur as 1 bavo bad tluio to complete It ,
roads :
No. 1 A washing machine Invented to
save all tbo soap , h/Uf the rubulnu' and a
good deal of wator. Makes washing moro of
a pleasure than goiug on n huckleberry ox-
Gin-lion. Will suva ever $3,000,000 worth of
soap In tbo UuItoiS States alone In ono year ,
and yet the patontcu sold It to mo for S30U
cash. I have always felt consclonco stnckon
for taking advantage of him , but my b'olrs
need bavo no quulms. Valued at tUo low
llguro of $1,000,000.
No. 2 A flying macnlno to onabto my bolrs
to fly. Warranted to convoy eighteen pass
engers and 'J.OOJ pounds of baggage from
Now York to Chicago , and tbouco to St.
Louis and return by way of Cleveland In
Half ( i day. The Inventor valued Ibis patent
at $1,003,000 , but-as I huppo.iod to catcb him
Just as ho was about to be sued for a twenty
dollar board bill , ho sold It to uio for 176U
cash , 1 advise my administrator tu value It
at 1,1,000,000. This will swell my assets and
not hurt the feelings ot my heirs at all.
No. 8 t'orpotual motion machine. Can bo
used to jholl corn , pare apples , freeze Ice
nroam , husk corn or dose tuo children wltb
castor oil. The Inventor was dying In a town
in Nebraska when I walked In on him and
basely offered him tSOO for all rights. Ho ac-
coptcd It and was able to bo about next day.
Had I discovered him in Kansas , lu tbo full
enjoyment of health , I should bavo bad to
pay n great deal more. H should bo listed
wltb lay ussots at $ lr > 00,000. Tbo heir who
Sots it for his eburo Is advised to add another
rlvo wheel and arrange for it to feed tbo
coal steve , wind tbo clock and fodder tbo
bog * ,
No. 4 Labor saving machine for the farm
er. DI s the potatoes , feed * tbo live stock ,
repairs the fences , kicks tramps , cuts corn ,
gathers pumpkins nnd pulls turnip * while ho
sits In tbo parlor andplavs the piano. Would
nlso go to town and pay bis taxes If It wasn't
for the fences In the way , The patcntoo val
ued this machine nt f. > 00,000 , nnd wbon ho
closed with mo at ,150 there was n painful
sllonco lasting four minutes , 1 aUorwards
learned that ho was homoslck nnd wanted to
go back to Omaha. It has not boon unboxed
for twenty-two years , but I nm satisfied that
my heirs will find all tbo pieces aud bless mo
for my perception. The estimated value Is
plalnlv marked on the box $3,000,000. I
bopo It won't go for loss thnn f2T > .
No. C Another washing rnnchlno. You
put tlio clothes and water nnd aoap Into the
machine and then go to the opera nnd pay M
a seat. On your return the washing Is nil
done , the clothes drlod and ironed , and you
bavo nothing to do but sit down nnd wonder
dor how our forefathers got along without
any ot these conveniences. There Is no sav
ing of soap , but you got a good deal moro
opera than with any other machine. I ran
across the Inventor of this machine on n
steamboat which was about to fouudcr in a
storm , but I suppose It wns taking advantage
of him to offer him $100 In cash and n 11 fo
preserver the only ono to bo found aboard
tbo boot. I expected ho would try to back
out when wo were finally saved , but bo
didn't. ' This should bo listed among my assets
sots nt $500,000. Can probably bo arranged
to net ns a burglar alarm , In case burglars
nro Willing.
No. 0 Another flying Machine , warranted
to fly somowbnt faster than tbo otbor ono. 1
bad no Idea of buying this machine , but tbo
inventor borrowed $100 of rae and loft it on
my bands. From what bo told mo about this
machine before ho ( low and loft It , I bollovo
It will fill n long felt want. I think It should
bo listed at $200,000 , but do not wish to bo
captious. Would recommend my heirs to re
model it into a lira escape , if not too much
expense.
No. 7 An arrangement for holding n par
son down on a common table in case it be
comes necessary to amputate a log. Can bo
arranged in ono minute , and there Is no pos
sible excuse for a surgeon nmputatljg tbo
wrong log. I bought this Invention at nn
express company's snlo of unclaimed Root's ,
nnd labored under the Idea that the box con
tained twenty-four volumes of Shakespeare.
Tbo Inventor Is unknown to mo , nnd I should
Hko to open n friendly correspondence Wltb
him and get some Idea of Its valuo.
No. 8 A loom for weaving camel's hair
3bawl3. I bavo boon troubled In my con-
ecicnco over slnco I boupht It. The patentee
wns drunk and I got it for S200. I had In
tended long before this to Import a lot of
camels and make them up Into $500 shawls ,
but hnvo always bran too busy with otbor
mutters. Aly heirs will find full instructions
as to the cost of camels , host mode of work
ing them up nnd all otbor details.
No. 0 A fort Intended for seacoast de
fense. Can bo raised and lowered witb n
crank by any person of ordlnnrytntclligenco.
Is armed wltb a g'un having a range of twon-
ty-ono miles. I bought , this Invention out of
nuro patriotism , intending to present it to
Uncle Sam , but as bo refused to incro.iso my
pension after a ro-oxamlnatlon I withheld
tbo gift. Would recommend my heirs to bold
on to it as n good thing to bavo some fun
with. Sure to astonish a chap twcnty-ono
miles nway , and no dollcato gearing to got
out of order. Can probably bo converted Into
a windmill for pumping water and sawing
wood , should nonce continue too long , and
only a small outlay would bo necessary to
turn It into a carpet beater or a llchthouso.
M. QUAD.
AIIOUT
Mrs. Henry M. Stanley has boon busy
writing amid the bold , romantic sccnory ot
the Blue Mountains of Now South Wutos.
Miss Martha Morton , the playwright , is
under 30 years of ago. She Is a woman of
medium height , with nn interesting face and
n head covered with dark brown hnlr.
The slngor , Lillian Russell , has a Gorman
maid who teaches her the language while
dressing uud undressing her.
Now York Is said to have moro widows
tban any ether city in the world. London
ranks second in the list of the baroavcd , nnd
Pario third.
The widow of ox-ljro3ldont Salomon , of
Haytl , who has lately died in Paris , loaves a
daughter who is a stuaent of medicine ,
Miss Rosa Leo Tucker of Okolona.has . boon
re-elected state librarian of the two bouses
of.tho Mississippi legislature , and Mrs. Mary
Brown Russell Day has been chosen state
librarian of Kentucky by the legislature.
It Is said that two poor Parisian women
who earn a livelihood by making artificial
flowers have hit on a process of dyeing
natural flowersin brilliant hues. Publio
attention wns called to the matter by florists
who received In a lot of flowers some sweet
Williams of a bright green color.
Miss Harriet Hosraer is to got $25,000 for
Isabella of Casttlo. which is to bo unveiled
at the opening of the women's department of
the Chicago exposition.
Mrs. M. S. Ingorsoll , a loader in the Boston
movement for "rainy-day drosses. " says , id
relating her experiences , that she was sturoa
nt on the streets but not "guyed. " The foot
wear of this costume may bo boots to tbo
calves ; loose , wrinkled , calf sl'.in boots or
leggings over ordinary alines.
Mrs.'Bolva Lockwood is an elderly \voman
of a distinctly matronly appearance. In fig
ure shots quite portly , and her lace is fair ,
plump nnd placid. Sbo laughs easily and
talks well In a volco that has in It no trace of
masculinity , and In fact there is no indication
in her demeanor of tbo vlnegarlsh traits of
character wltb which some people have un
justly credited hor.
At'a recent dinner party , at which Mmo.
Modjo&ka yielded to Importunities , to glvo a
recitation in Polish , the members were pro-
fusu in their pralso of her eloquence and
pathos until they learned that , having for
gotten tbo verses she Intended to rocitctbo
f air artiste had merely used In bar declama
tion the numbers from 1 to MO. But bor fig
ures were turned wltb much polish.
SUMK KUTKI ) OHi'.V.
Gustavo Jovanovltch , the greatest cattle
brooder in Russia , and called ibo "King of
tbo Steppes , " owns 000,000 acres of laud ana
possesses moro than 1,000,000 aueopnudlH.OUO
shepherd dogs.
The now minister to Ecuador , 'Rowland '
Blonnornassot Malmnov , is a young man nnd
a brilliant scholar.Vbilo a student at Har
vard he bad n serious controversy with PresIdent -
Idont Eliot , in which the latter came out
much the worse for tbo treatment bo re- ,
calved.
James Whttcomb Rlloys Income from bis
readings and recitations equals a bank presi
dent's salary , vvbllo Bill Nye In 1891 cleared
$10,000 from bis appearances on tbo rostrum.
Max O'Rsll and Will Carleton pot $200 a
nlRht from tholr managers , and George W.
Cable receives $100 every time ho roads.
Less than thirty years ago President Mo-
Load of the Reading railroad was a rodinan
on the Northern Pacific. He Is now the head
of a ! 2OUO-mlla trunk line and the omplovor of
100.000 subordinates.
George Washington Is said to bavo declared -
clarod toward tpo end of his Ufa that ho
never wrote but ono poem. "That. " sail ho ,
"was the name of my first swootboart , Mary
Cary , and sbo was a poem In herself. "
Dr. Gatltng. tbo machlno gun maker , Is 73
years of ago , but bo does not let that little
fact prevent bis cons taut iittontlon to doslred
improvements in bis famous engine of de
struction ,
Timothy Hopkins ought not to { experience-
any serious difficulty in kooplng the wolf
from the door , oven if ho do not succeed In
getting anv of Mr. Soarlo's money , now that
bis Undo Moses bus loft him $210,000 In cash
and $100,000 for bis wlfo and children.
When Padorewski was In fit. Louis recently -
contly tbo cloak-room in tbc'hull In wbiob bo
was to play bora a number of placards in
scribed : "Got your balrcut nt the Southern'1
( hotel ) ; "Hair cut 15 cents nt French
Market ; " "Use Randolph's hair remover ; "
"Cut your bair while you wait at "Brand top.
orlal parlors ; " and "Highest price paid for
human hair at Wiggins'1 ; nnd wbon the
pianist advanced to tbo dressing table bo
found a copy of the song , "Got Your Hair
Cut. " Tbo bX Loula papers bint that bodld
not altogether relish the joko.
Of Sir Morell Mackenzie , Kato Field says.
In bor Washington : The very men and
woman who could not ba hired to sing , oo
or roclto for tbo delectation of private audl
oncos assembled In grand bouses gladly ao
copied Sir Morell's Invitations to dinner
aud volunteered to entertain bis guests after
wards , . They looked upon him as ouo of
themselves , for all wont to him with their
ailments , aud little would ho ever accept in
return. In his commodious drawing-rooms
I bavo heard Irving recite , Toole toll a story ,
Arthur Cecil , Cornoy Grain and George
Grossraltb make tbo morrlost muslo. There
I bavo mot Christine Nllssou and many
ether great singers , all of whom were Blr
Muroll'i patients , and ail of whom were bis
friends.
Dr. CuUlmoreoculist to Mo. Pac , By
CAY GENOV'CtASSIC ROME
Mrs , General Orook lpwing Pon-Pioturos
ofTwo lsttftoOitios.
A PERFECT PARAft'lSfc ' FOR PAINTERS ,
fir i II
IlRirlldcrlnc | > tcmi/jt " § r tlio Ancient tie-
tropollg oftlio Cnoinm Ati Unrlrnloil Aggregation
'
gregation ofStntctr Tllllco | , MngnUl-
oont Cliurches Oortfcons Pnlncos.
ROME , Fob. 12. ] Special Correspondence
of TUB BEB. ] On ls umif from the station
at Genoa , ouo is confronted with a colossal
statue of Columbus , a magnificent work Hint
would show to moro udvnntngo wore. It
ilacod In n moro olovatoa position. Evory-
, hlng rotating to Columbus seems of raoro
mportanco nnd Interest tlmn It did a few
fears ago. As soon as the Italians Icnow wo
nro Americans , nnd not English , ns wo im-
Dross upon thomthoy ovorvvholm us wltb po-
htonoss nna kindness. In tUo cars , botols ,
) r wherever wo nro known as from the
United Stntos , every courtesy Is extended to
as. Wo might have thought before wo ciimo
to Italy tnat It would be ti very easy thing to
whip Italy , but slnco wo hnvo boon hero nnd
scon the number of her soldiers , particularly
at Homo nnd Naples , where wo see regiment
after regiment marching through the streets ,
[ ind where Uniforms nro ns "tluok as loaves
In Vallotnbrosn , " wo begin to doubt whether
It would bo such nn cosy matter.
To return to Uonoa. It Is much larger than
wo oxpoetocl. Hullt In the shape of an amphi
theater , and rlMng from the sea COO foot , It is
grandly Imposing , nnd the vlow from the
church of Santa Maria at Carignnno of the
town nnd harbor Is truly superb. There Is a
double line of fortifications ono Inclosing
the city , the other surrounding It
which nt the most clovntca point
have towers , which are fortified
nnd glvo a piuturosquo , medieval effect to
the town.
A City nfMnrliln miiicca.
Uouoa must bo a very wealthy city , as It
Is full of handsome marble palaces , some
modern , many tull of historic Intorost. The
harbor Is n semi-circular bay and Is flllud
wlthshlpi of all kinds , from the little Doat
brlnciug fruit from Sicily , to the lareo ocean
steamers bound for all ports In ibo world ,
carrying thnlr merchandise from lands of
sun to lands of snow.
Two very handsome old churches wore the
only ones wo visited. Ono was the cathe
dral of San Lorenzo , a Gothic structure
dating from the eleventh eonturv. Oa the
tacado Is a marble sculpture of Sau Lorenzo
being broiled on n grldiron.nnd higher up are
aas-rollafs of Christ mid the four ovuapo-
lists. A line statue of the Madonna nnd
Child In bronze decorates the oltar. The
most interesting relic In the treasury is the
dish from which it it said our Lord
ate the last supper. It Is of such great
value that It is only shown
once a year , and then the priest holds it by a
cord , so the faithful can see and kneel In
ecstatic joy and worship.
The chupcl of St. John the Baptist is said
to bo the most beautiful part of the church ,
but In this holy of hellos no woman Is al
lowed to enter oxceptffth ojlo day of the year ,
n law made by Pope Innocent VIII. , because
a woman had boon thtfcauao of the saint's
death. I told the oldUnoiltc who showed us
around , it bad boon 'so long ago , I thought
"nous autres foramos | nfc the French sny ,
might bo forgiven , ani } 'bo permitted to sco
the beauties of the c jxpel. ' The interior of
San Lorenzo is exceedingly beautiful nnd
graceful n high circular < lomo supported by
sixteen Corinthian columns , above a second
row of columns. A-very flno Madonna and
Child is the gem of * 'tho'church ' , nnd is bv
Snnsovino. The churcu'is'bullt ' ofvhtto nnd
black marble , in horizontal strips' , and gives
the building a welrdl'aud gloomy appear
ance , i a i
An Impressive-W(5rk In Wood.
The church of L'Annunrfata to us seetnod
finer than the cathedral. , : It Is tilled with
rich marbles and moftiUca , ' and has several
line pictures , -tha-AnnuncIatlon , by
Andrea del Sarto.vory fldo.nnd a Madonuaby
Guido. The verger showed us the treasures
of the church. Ono was a magnificent carv
ing in wood representing "tho descent from
the cross. There wore six life-sized figures
besides the Christ , ana the verger assured
us it was cut from one piece of woo-1. The
ilcuros were so beautifully carved , so well
palmed , and so realistic , that wo were
haunted for days by the snd , melancholy
and depressed faces. This wonderful piece
of carving is placed in the main body ot the
church on Good Friday , surrounded by
blade draperies and a "dim religious Hqrht , "
to render It still moro Impressive.
Ono of tbo finest picture , galleries In Italy
Is at Genoa , the ono of the Palazzo Brisnoll ,
or Hod Palace , ns It is cnllnJ. Wo cannot
romcmbor half the names of the paintersand
not always the subjects. There was a
picture of Christ nnd the doubting Thomas ,
which seems to have bocn'a favorite subject
with the old masters. The coloring In this
picture was marvelous , but the subject was
too harrowing. Thora was n Christ by
Guldo , said to bo very tine , a John the
Baptist by Leonardo da Vinci , and a
portrait of ono of thoBrlgnolt family br Paul
Veronese , wblcb was exquisite In its tints ,
and the coloring well preservedand a magnl-
ilcontgrand palntlngof Judith and Holofcrncs
by Carlo DoicI , I think. This gallery con
tains works of Titian , Guldo , Veronese. This
palacnand collection wcro given to the city by
the Marquis Bngnoll. There is hero also a
very line monument to Columbus. The finest
and most Interesting of all the palaces Is tbo
Uoria , which Is surrounded Dy a beauti
ful garden , extending to the sea. The archi
tecture of the palace was designed by Pioro
del Vaga , whom ' the Prince Oorla employed
when ho cnmo to'Gonoa , homeless and penni
less from Rome. The cypress and orange
walks , the fountains , statues , roses and col
umn in the garden and the picturesque views
of mountain and sea fill ono with qulot en
joyment , If it is on a'pleasimt , warm day such
as wo bad. On a conspicuous knoll in the
garden Is the statue of a dog , a monument
erected by the Prince Dorla to a dog pre
sented him by Charles V. That alone would
warm one's heart to a man. To reward a
faithful friend , oven though ho wore u dog.
Through Uvnou'a Ctimjio Santo.
In Genoa , too , wo find what is said to bo
tbo finest "Campo Santo" In Italy , and I
cannot Imagine anything or any place moro
beautiful. Most of the monuments are
modern , and of surpassing beauty and loveli
ness. Tboro is a Capuchin tnonk , life-sized ,
standing In front of a sarcophagus , book and
breviary in hand , no beautifully modeled
that as we approached wo expected him to
put out bis hand In warning and whisper ,
"bush. " The clothing was no perfectly
chiseled th.it I hud to touch it to bo convinced
It was marble , and not-'tho rough cloth those
monks woar. Another , ' .a > woman bonding
ever a couch where a'liiqurabotit ' figure was
covered , and sbo contly'llftsod ono onu of the
cover and was lookln lpvn | into a dead face ,
was so lifelike ouo could almost see her
bosom riuo and fall.flndjhoar , her broatho.
Tboro must bo sou > o Jlhri ji dorn sculptors Ju
Genoa. mi II
Tbo now Genoa has alllnb of broad streets
similar to the boulovflrils of- Pans , but the
old part ot tbo city , ana tbp fascinating part ,
has steep , tortuous adll' parrow strcuts , so
stoop and narrow as tojbffalmost inaccessi
ble to carriages , AMl7 ! ' 11' these narrow ,
almost dark places oca born , llvo and dlo
thousands who novoriifobl a ray of God's
biassed sunshine within tholr homos , for the
Ml fs
the buildings nro so high no ray ot sunlight
ever reaches those narrow , done streets.
On our last afternoon In Genoa , wo drove
to the -'Acquit Sola. " ft parit ndornod with
statuary nnd fountains , and from where wo
have line vlow of the Anonnlncspartly covered -
od with snow , the harbor , filled with ship *
ping , and tbo environs of Genoa , to listen to
the muslo of the military band and too the
beauty nnd fashion of the oity. It was a
charming afternoon and the wealth and
beauty , ai well as the poor and ugly , seemed
gathered together. There were many handsome -
some oqulpncos and many officers on borso
back , ns well ns many swells. I do not
know whether they were Gonooio or Anglo-
maniacs , but I do know they were swells by
tbotr dross nnd way of riding. Seine of the
women were very handsome and dressed In
the latest Parisian toilets. The picturesque
peasant drost was only soon on the nursos.
Ono nursa was gorgeous In n green dress
with byndoro strips of yellow , a magnificent
gold comb that stood up eight Inches nbova
her head-dress of gay ribbons , and n whlto
lace apron that would bo the envy of a con
noisseur In old laco.
Columbus In Murblc.
Wo could not but wish the
monument to Columbus had boon
erected on the olovatton. Then , as , tbo ves
sels approached the land , It would hnvo
shone out like a beacon , as our statue of Lib
erty In Now York harbor. The stntuo is
inado of whlto innrblo. with the figure ot
America knocllna at Its feet. It Is sur
rounded by allegorical figures representing
wisdom , force , geography nnd religion , ntid
between these reliefs are scenes from the
life of Columbus. This monument was
eroded Ju t thirty years ago.
Wo loft Gouoa with regret , but our hearts
were burning to reach the Imperial Eternal
City , a city filled with ghosts of the past ,
rich in antiquities , fascinating nllko In Ua
medieval and modern works ot art.
Wo had charming companions from Genoa
to Homo , n bride and groom from Dublin and
an English officer , nnd wo concluded to
travel at night so ns to nrrlvo at Homo by
daylight and not miss the beautiful approach
to the city ncross the Cnmpagim or the first
sight of the environs of tbo capital ot modern
Italy , the nnclont metropolis of the Cicsars.
Early In the morning , as the sun was rising
nbovo the sad and melancholy Campagna , wo
were awake , straining our eyes to catch the
first gltmpso of the ruins of Homo , once the
mistress of the world , and first to break upon
us was tbo Clam ) Inu aqueduct , which lends
so much Interest to the scenery of the Cam
pagna , and as the train rolled along wo saw
the Seven Hills , covered with modern
palaces , where Homo still In her grandouv
sits enthroned.
The railroad passes two very Interesting
ruins , the Aggon of Sorvlus Tullliis , which ,
when the railroad was cut through , uncov
ered a masslvo Etruscan wall of 1m-
monso blocks of pcporino , and the temple of
Minerva , As wo lonvo the station nnd enter
tuo Piazza dl Tormlnl , wo see some mag
nificent ruins , the baths ot Diocletian ,
only fragments ot them , but they servo
to show the splendor of Homo under
the emperors. As wo drive to our hotel ,
through modern Homo , the Homo built upon
tbo Campus Marlts , wo see what the popes
and potentates of modern times have done to
make Homo , nnd still keep her tbo most
fascinating city of the world. Wo can but
sigh to sco how the hand of superstition has
demolished her temples nnd classic buildings ,
to use the stones to erect ugly churches and
palaces ; but It is Homo ,
The city that by temperance fortitude.
And love of glory town rod nbovo the clouds ,
Then fol > ; but fulling , koptthn hlzhcst seat ,
And In her loneliness , her pomp of woo.
Wlioro nowshodwolls.withdrawn Into the wild ,
Still o'er tlm mlud maintain from ago to age.
Her empire uncllmlnlsl.'Cd.
Some ono has beautifully said , that Homo
Is "not the capital of a country , but of
humanity. " Because the people of every
country , protestant or catholic , congregate
hero , not only bocnuso It Is classic ground ,
for hero Is found most wo have of antique
art , but on account of its mild and seductive
climate. There is something dreamy and
contemplative about It , and every
day , almost every hour , you
have set before you a rich feast of beauty In
the lovely and charming drives , the churches
and palaces full of tbo grandeur of tbo past.
IMcr Friends From Home.
Wo have mot mnny dear friends in Home ,
friends whom woVlId1 apt know were on this
side of the'Atlantic. Among those friends Is
a charming , brilliant woman , who has been
cloven winters in Homo , and who knows
every blocs of stone from the Cohsouin to
St. Peter's. Under her guidance wo are see
ing Rome , and every day the mystic charm
of the jo no sals quol of the city weaves itself
around us.
Among the ftlends wo have here are the
Bryants. Mr. 0. Is the vlco president of the
Columbian exposition. Ho , with the com
missioners , is trying to Interest tbo govern
ment , which will not appropriate anything
for a display. The king and queen , however ,
are deeply interested , and are aiding the com
missioners. Mrs. Bryantono of the loveliest
and most intelligent ot our countrywomen ,
has boon received most cordially bv Queen
Marchorita. who has promised to do all she can
toward having a display of Italian works.
The queen bos a remarkable collection ot
Italian laces , which she will send to tno exposition -
position ; she will also influence the lace
makers of Itaiy to send their work.
There Is n question up before the Italian
Parliament Just now of great interest to us
foreigners as well as the Italians a bill to
prohloit the owners of works of the old mas
ters from selling , There are so many im
poverished noblemen who cannot afford to
keep up their palaces and villas , who are
obliged to sell tholr collections. The motion
has caused a great deal of discussion in
political and social circles whether a man
bos a right to sell his own or not. Wo wcro
in Homo in tlmo.for the earthquake , and up
in the fourth story of the Hotel Qulrlnalo.
Wo bad a ( good shako. Like
in the days ot Tyro and Sidon ,
or Pompcll nnd Herculaneum , wo take
no warning , but go on from day to day
making our plans and living our lives as
seams most pleasant to us. Dy and by ono
bit ; shake , and the Vatican and St. Peter's
will bo another Coliseum , another Forum.
M. D. Cuooic.
Dr. Culllmoi'o , oculistto Mo. Puc. Ry .
, StuplclouK.
Puck : "Look here , " enld the rural
guest of the swell hotel to the clerk , "I
want you to road this bill of faro ever to
mo. "
" " nnd the clerk
"Certainly , repeated
the names of the French dishes with the
saino onso aud celerity with which ho
would have recited a thno tablo.
"Now T want you to toll rae where the
nearest doctor's olllco is. "
"Sick , sir ? "
"No ; but I want to find out whether
these things nro half ns hard to dlgostas
they are to pronounce. "
Keep some Cook's Extra Dry Imperial
Champagne in your ice chest ; it's splendid
for company or for Uinnor.
To Jtomlml Him ,
She ( shortly nftor the blissful silence
that the delicious nlllrmativo brought
about ) Darling1 , now that wo nro en
gaged , I have the right to ask you a ques
tion , hnvo I not ?
Ho Most certainly.
She And you will answer truthfully ?
Ho Of courso.
She What la that string tied round
your flngor for , then ?
Ho Groivt heavens ! To remind mo
that I nra already ongngoal
HouTEN's COCOA.
PLEASE READ THIS.
00 Cents a pound for VAN HOUTEN'S
OOCOA ( "Best & Goes Farthest" ) seems to be
high. Let us compare It with the price of Coffee :
1 Ib.of good coffee costs at least 30c. , makes 31 half-pint cups.
3 therefore OOc. , " 03 ' 'J "
1 " V. H. COCOA < also OOc. , ' 150 ' '
Which is iho Cheaper Drink ?
03 cUps of Coffee ,
6O " "V.H.Cocoa !
Sold by every Grocer.
Your next week's washing
\
v
Will look whiter , w.ill be cle&ncr and , will
bo done , with less Ubor If
SANTA CLAUS SOAP
| & used. The. clothes will smell swec-fce-ranel
will last lon ar. SANTA CLAUS SOAP l&
pure , it cleans but JOBS not Injure the-
fabric. It does i\ot \ roughen or chap the-
111ions ! use * it , 3)o Ypjfe. ?
. .FAIRBANK
mm
|
We will be pleased to mail to you , seettrely sealed
an'd fret from all marks t a copy of our treatise on I
the Irving Treatment of the Decline of Manhood
and Nervous Debility. Also sample of the Irving
Specifics. Enclose stamp to cover postage , I
* Respectfully Yours ,
IRVING HOMEOPATHIC INSTITUTE , SC Mli Avennc , New York ,
The UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS
that the
Behr Bros. & Go's.
PI AN OS
Hnro attained , nnil the high pralso they Imro elicited from the world's MOST RE
NOWNED ARTISTS , from the press and from a public long prejudiced in furor of
Idcr makes , it in safe to assume that the instrument must bo possossol of UNC05I
MON ATTRIBUTES.
ATTRIBUTES.MAX MEYER & BRO. CO. ,
Sole Agents , Omaha , Nebraska ,
Established rS66.
ClIICIIESTER'S ENGLISH , RED CROSS
THE ORIGINAL AHD GCNUINC. The only Snfr . , Sure , tntrtltoltt Mil for suit.
T.ndlcn , Uk Drngcilt for CMclttr'i KngUtri Dfanon.l Jlrand In lied and ( 'oU molt
boici lealcd with blue rlbboa. TcLo no other kind. Ittfutt AultiHtutlr/u anJ Imt .
All pUU In pasteboard boxf , pick irr&ppcri , are dnnBrrrnua cnuntcrr > lt . At UragRUtt , or t nl a (
' .In flumps for partleoUrtteillrcoouUaod ' Holler for I.q(1c-Mn inlttttr , b l * tUrn BlalL.
U.IIUO TcitlmonUll. lm Paptr. CHICHCSTEd CHEMICAL CO. , M < ll nn Kmmro
Bold br all Local ItrunltU. I'llILAOKLl'UlA/l'A
THE.
Pa ding
OF OMAHA.
ABSOLUTELY INCANDESCENT
FIRE PROOF. ELECTRIC LIGHTS
PERFECT
NOT A DARK
VENTILATION
OFFICE
IN THE BUILDING
NIGHT AND DAY
ELEVATOR
68 VAULTS , SERVICE
DIRECTORY OF OCCUPANTS :
GROUND FLOOR :
NAUOI.E COMPANY , Tolograyli I'olos , OITYTIlEABUKEn.
Cross Ties. Lumber , etc. OMAHA REAL ESTATE AND TRUST 00.
M1IIH & GAVLOUI ) , Heal Estuto. J. U ANTES , Rotunda Cigar Staud. '
CITY COMl'TUOLLEU. WOMEN'S EXCHANGE.
FIRST FLOOR :
THE OMAHA I1EE COUNTING ROOM , Art- J.'RANO Ii. REEVKS & CO. , Contractors.
vcrttslni ; and Subscription Dopartmonts. WESTERN UNION TEfjEORAl'Il OtftflOB.
AMERICAN WATER WORKS COWL1 ANY. CENTRAL LOAN AND TRUST CO.
SUPERINTENDENT UEE BUILDING.
SECOND FLOOR.
THE PATRICK LAND COMPANY , Owners THE EQUITABLE LIFE ASSURANCE 3
of Dundee Place. OIETY OK NEW YORK.
DR. CHARLES ROSEWATER. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE ASSOCIATION.
PROVIDENT SAVINGS LIKE , of Now York ANGLO-AMERICAN MORTGAGE & TRUST ll
MASSACHUSETTS MUTUAL LIFE INSUR- COMPANY.
ANOE COMPANY. IJEE HUREAU OF CLAIMS ,
OMAHA KIRE INSURANCE INSPECTION DR. I ) . II. niRNEY. Nose and Throat.
liUREAU , C. HARTMAN , Inspector. GRANT OULLIMORE , Oculist and Aurlsb
THIRD FLOOR.
JOHN GRANT , ContractorforStrectaudSldo- MANHATTAN LIFE INSURANCE COMi
wnllc Pavements. " " "PANY.
ROHERT W. PATRICK. Law Ofllcoa. M. R. TRAUERMAN. Attorney.
EQUITY COURT NO. I. /'I '
EQUITY COURT NO. 3. Doutlstk'I
LAW COURT NO. 4. of Now York ,
J. M. OHAMIIEIIS , Abstracts. E. W. BIMIOKAL.
WM. S1MERAL. ti. 1C. I'ATTKN , Doutlstk
FOURTH FLOOR.
NonrnwESTEux : MUTUAL LIFE INSUU- V. M. ELLIS , Architect.
ANOKCOMi'ANV ( JEOUUE W. SUES & COMPANY , Solicitors ot
1'atoiits.
CONNEOTIOUT MUTUAL LIKE INSUU- H.A.WAaNEK.AgontforUnltedStatoaMutual
ANOE COM I'AN V. Accident Innuranoo Company ,
LIFE INSURANCE COM-
PENN MUTUAL -
I'ANY. JOHN LETHEM , Publisher.
UAUTl'onn LIFE AND ANNUITY INSUIt- OMAHA COALKXOI1ANGE. y
ANOECOMl'ANY. I1.1' . KICnNHRUa , I'roseo Painter. m. ill
MEAD INVESTMENT COMPANY. ALKX MOO1UC. Heal Estate and Loans.
WE1ISTEU & 1JOWAKD. Insuranco. 1IOHN SASH ANI ) DOOR 00.
EDISON GENERAL ELKOTK1O COMPANY. THU MERCHANTS RETAIL COMMERCIAL
WESTEHN OAH SEHVIOI3 ASSOCIATION. AOENOY.
ANDlinW ItOSnWATEK , Civil Engineer. BTAPLETON LAND CO.
. L. ULAOK , Civil Eiiiluuor.
FIFTH FLOOR.
HEAD QDAIITERS , U. 8. ARMY. DEPAUT- CHIEF PAYMASTER.
MENT OF THE PLATl'E. 33 Ofllcos. PAYMASTER. .
' OOMMANDEa
DEPAHl'MENT .
ASSIbTANT QUARTERMASTER.
ADJUTANT GENERAL.
. INBPEOTOK SMALL ARMS PRACTICE ,
INSPECTOR GENERAL.
JUDGE ADVOCATE. CHIEF OF ORDNANCE.
CHIEF QUARTERMASTER. ENGINEER OFFICER.
CHIEF COMMISSARY OF SUBSISTENCE , AIDES-DE-CAMP.
MEDICAL DIRECTOR ASSISTANT SURGEON.
SIXTH FLOOR.
HARTMAN & COLLINS. Oast Iron Gas and UNITED HTATE3 LOAN & INVESTMENT
Water 1'lpo. COMPANY.
0. LA'MllERT SMITH. THE IMPLEMENT DEALER.
Q. F. UEINDORFF , Architect. U 0. NAKII. Ix > ! tii9. .
HAMILTON LOAN AND TRUST CO.
HEED PRINTING CO. EDITORIAL ROOMS OF Till ; IIKB. Compos *
U. S. AllMY PUINTING OFFICES. lue , KtoruolvuluK and Mulling rooms. 'v
MANUFACTURERS AND CONSUMERS AS M. A. UPTON CO. , Real Estate. \
SOCIATION. FJ A. DAWKS. \
SEVENTH FLOOR.
THE OMAHA PRE83 OLUU. , LINCOLN OLUU ,
B001ETY OF STATIONARY ENGINEERS. liAKUER SHOP.
A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying
ot R. W , Baker , Superintendent , office on counting room floor