Pages 9 to 12 , OMAHA DAILY EE.Pages 9 to 12
TWENTIETH YEAlt. OMAHA , SATURDAY MAY 10 , 1S91-TWELVE PAGES. NUMBER 327.
ii A it n in * tiT.
Jlnrtiin Ciinrttr.
Oh , who's the man that comes In Jato
And strolls'about u while.
And right In the midst of the thrilling scene
CJots stmntilltitr down the aisle ,
And laughs aloud when others weep ,
And scowls when others frown I
And who's the man thnt bellows forth ,
So every ono can liear ,
"Well , Ibis's about the rummcst'scat
1'vo hud In a dismal your ,
Tor when 1 go to see n show
1 want to bo somuwhcm near. "
Ami who's the man who sits and yawns
Throughout the livelong piny
And says : "What n bore the whole thing Isl
I wish I'd stayed nw.ir.
The noting is bad enough to turn
A child of seven gray. "
And who's Iliis man ? You very well know
If n play you've beci. to see ;
For he's always there , aril he's always mad
Whatever way things may be ,
And he klck.s one long perennial kick
The mau who got ? in free.
LOOKING FORWARD.
An Answer to Looking HaoUwiird.
Ilu lltcliniil Mlcliudlt.
CIIMTKH IV.
"It Is In conformity with the laws of na
ture , nnd therefore right lhat a man should
push his son , his relatives nnd friends , and I
would not blame a man for doing this ; I
should rather denounce him for not doing it
alwavs provided , of course , that said son ,
said relatives or friends were qualified to fill
Iho positions to which they nro appointed , "
said Mr. Forest at our next conversation. "I
remember thnt I have read In certain books a
great deal uboul Iho nepotism shown at your
tlrno in the distribution of the federal patron-
ape , and thut General Grant was accused of
always preferring his relatives and friends in
iniiklug appointments. I sympathize with
thai great commander in Iho sturdiness with
which ho slood by his friends , and I am in
clined lo excuse Iho mislukoj ho sometimes
made in his appointments , because they were
mistakes of his heart that was always true to
his friends and sometimes was inclined to
overestimate their ability or sense of honor.
If the lien of blood and friendship nro not to
he considered , what else should boj And
einco a man is bound to know the character
nnd ability of his relatives and friends belter
ttiaa the qualities of other people , ho
should certainly first appoint those next lo
him lo positions for which' Ihev uio quali
fied.
fied."But
"But the trouble with our political and
social system is , that It is bound to breed not
only favoritism , but also coriuption on the
largest scale. Ono hundred and thirteen
years ago , the men nt the head of the nation-
nl government or those who worn influential
with thorn were also sometimes rilling places ,
* *
where for lltllo work a good salary was paid ,
with unworthy women and men , but such
1 Binectiros were comparitivcly few nnd far
bcUvoen. ' 1 ho number of federal officials , in
Y your days was , If , I am not mistaken about
60,000 , and the postrimslers of Iho small
country lowns , who make up Iho largest part
of the bO.OOO worfl paid such n beggarly com
mission for tho.salo of postngo stamps , thut
no one could afford to accept such positions
except trades peopio , who kept n store ,
where they hud to bo all day anyhow , and to
whom the honor mid small profits wcro an
object. And then Iho incumbents of all the
oftices lhat could bo classed ns sinecures ,
wcro changed every four or oigtit years.
Our administrations have a very long life.
The ono ousttxl twelve years ago lasted
t\yenty-slx years. And the number of posi
tions nt thu command of the government is
very lariro. ThcoMs ono lieutenant or over
seer lo about eaoh and every twelve men or
women , not to mention Iho captains , colon
els , elc. : nnd the amount of bookkeeping
done , is pimply enormous. Wo are
keeping books ns you know , I suppose in
all tlio producing us well ns In iho distribu
ting departments , and moro than thut : every
citizen has an account Iu the police books.
"When you take into consideration our
great nnd growing population , you can form
Borno'idcaof how enormous this work is.
yolnirc.awaro , that the North American
territory . , rt/nncrjy under British rule , hus
N. : annexed to the Unllcd Stales , nnd Ihut
tlio.population , according lo the census of
I'J'.O , numbered 4H,000K ( 0. It is now esti
mated ut 15(10,000.000. ( The complicated sys
tem of bookkeeping required by the com
munistic plan of production , and the sbort-
ness of working hours granted to the book
keepers , who are all preferred men nnd
women , favorites of Iho members of Ihe administration -
ministration , made It necessary to appoint n
bookkeeper for every fifty people. Under
thu former administration wo nail ono book
keeper for every forty-two peopio. This
Rives to tno government a chance to provide ,
at its own pleasure , over 10,000,000 of men
and women with clean ami eas > v worlc. Addle
lo those 10,000,000 of positions "about 10,000-
( KK ) oftlocr.s of the industrial army from the
llcutennnlships up to tbo positions
of colonel ; udd , furthermore , the
clerkships In the distributing places
und many other preferred positions , and you
can see nt a plnnco what an enormous power
the administration - and
posscssi-s how tempt
ing this power Is. "
"But is it not necessary for those applying
for the responsible position of bookkeeper to
have passed throuuh a course ot study In
order to bo qualified for such Important
duties ! " 1 Inquired.
"Bookkeeping Is part of the instruction In
our schools , " Mr. Forest nnswcred. "and the
bookkeeping in the public offices is not well
done , bo the responsibility , resting on the
shoulders of the favorites of the members of
the administration , does not harass the
minds of these preferred peopio very much.
It is , of course , impossible for nn outsider lo
obtain an Insight Into ttio workings of the
present administration , nnd to know how the
books nro kept. But When the late adminis
tration wo..t out of office twelve years ao : ,
an unfathomable pool of corruption was un
covered. An inventory of the goods on hand
was taken , and It was stated that the books
showed a shortage of moro lhan four hun
dred nnd thirty-two million dollars. The
members of the ousted administration de-
, clnred this statement to bo entirely false ,
that it had been 'doctored' by the exports of
the administration , for Iho purpose of cast
ing discredit upon the members of the old
government , The accused officers admitted
thut shortages were possible , for the reason ,
that all the clerks whoso duty it wns to
inonsuro goods , were Inclined to glvo
the people good weight and largo measure ,
hut that these shortages would not reach the
flguro of MCJ,000,000 : , and that the deficiency
could not bo considered as a proof of want
6f honesty on the part of the old officers , On
the other hand , the now officers claimed that
tlio enormous shortages were duo to tlio cor
ruption of the members and prominent sup
porters of the ousted administration , who
had always overdrawn their accounts , nnd
had not been ehurgcil with the goods taken
out In excess of their credit cards , "
I asked Mr. Forest what ho thought of
these charges ,
" 1 think they were to a largo extent well
fonuded. Thotemptntlon under our wretch
ed system Is too great. That the leaders
should plvo to their relatives and next friends
peed positions would not bo blameworthy , if
the appointees were lit to fill the places given
them , But the best places , numbering in all
about twenty millions , nro not tilled with the
best and most able men. They go , so far us
they are nol given lo Ihe relatives and fiicnds
of the leaders , to friends of the mirnlnlstrn-
tion , In order to keep the latter In power.
They nro given to the sons ami relatives ana
friends of the most active supporters of the
government. And even this would bo toler-
nblo If the favoritism slopped there nl the
boundary of corruption and tyranny. But it
docs not. "
"Aro you accusing the present administra
tion and all Its friends of corruption and
tyranny I" 1 asked , fooling thnt I
tluHild have to end my conversations
with Mr. Forest , If he should make disparag
ing charges , ven indirectly against my host ,
"I am speaking of a system and I urn men
tioning only such facts and Ueoils as I can
prove Mr. Forest "answered. "I am not
accusing men for any'plcasuro It gives mo to
to § o. I know that yourjqutstion refers to Dr.
Uwte ard , though It U eel a direct one , jet I
will meet It squarely. I regard Dr. Lceto as [
one of iho besi nnd purest of mon among the '
party loader * ; but , lie also , is imtultn ? use of I
the advantage that our system ojTcrs to the
ir.cn in power.1
"Will jou he kind cnnuirh to s instantiate
what you say C' I asked quietly , but sharply.
"I will leave It to you to say , whether I i
nrn iroing tco far In 'iu ) statement. " Forest
continued. "Did not Dr. hcuto Inform you I
thai ho has been 'cherishing the idea of '
building a laboratory in the large garden of
his house" And did ho not lell you tnat ho
sent for the workmen and thut they unearthed - |
earthed the vault In which you slept C' |
"Indeed. Dr. Lceto suld thai ho Intended .
lo build n chemical laboratory. " I admitted ; j
"but is not the amount of his credit-card
largo enough to permit him such nu expend
iture ! " ;
Forest looked somewhat amused and nskoil
tne if 1 had over looked ut Iho total amount i
the credit-card called for. 1 confessed thnt I
never had ; nothing thnt the .stylo of
living of Dr Leoto was luxurious
enough for nnybodv , I had not Iroublcd my
self to ascertain uow much the country al
lowed each and every inhabitant per year.
"Well , " suld Mr. Forest , -'wo will discuss
the wealth of Iho nallon at same other tlmo.
Today wo will continue to investigate the
tendency of Ibo communistic system to breed
favoritism , corruption , scrvilllv nnd sup
pression of opponents. As for Dr. Leetle , ho
is building his laboratory in spite of the fact ,
thai such an enterprise is entirely against
the Intention and spirit of our institutions.
There Is a very gocd laboratory of the kind
In the basement of this college , nnd Dr.
Lceto would certainly bo welcome. If ho
should ask permission to experiment there at
his pleasure. His iulluence , If nothing else ,
would secure him a permit. But. vanity
causes him to erect a superfluous building ,
which will give ttio radicals a now and visible
argument against the ruling clique. "
"What radicals are you speaking of I ' I
asKcd.
" 1 am referring to the radical communists
who object to the present state of affairs , be
cause they de ire to abolish religious services ,
matrimony and all personal property , instl-
lullons Uiat are at present tolerated. Wo
will speak of our political parties and their
principals later. 1 simply desired to estab
lish to your own satisfaction , or dissatisfac
tion , the fact that Dr. Leete is erecting for
his prlvulo use , nnd in violation of communis
tic principals , n chemical laboratory , a very
expensive affair , for which the credit-cards
of ton men would not pay. nnd thus chal
lenging Iho criticism of all Ihe enemies of Ibo
administration. "
"Cannot Dr. Lcoto pay a fair rent for the
laboratory' ' " I replied. " 1 should think that
thu abundance of labor could nol bo used lo a
boiler advantage than to erect buildings , the
rent for which will Increase the income of
Iho nnlion. "
"But there is no abundance of labor , as you
will discover in duo time , " said Forest.
"And if you will imagine what would hap
pen , if every citizen should demand a similar
ouilay of labor and instruments to please his
notions , vou will undoubtedly see , that Dr.
Lceto is assuming an exceptional position ,
which , not only savors of favoritism , but ,
also , ii.volves an indiscreet abuse of power ,
calculated to create bad blood. "
I could not very well refute Iho arguments
of Mr. Forest , nnd so was silent.
"But favoritism and Iho occasional abuse of
for the accommodation of men like Dr.
Cjwcr uro not the worst features of our pres
ent fern of government , " ho continued , "and
the fact that influential men frequently re
ceive presents of silks , furs and jewelry for
their wives and daughlers , and of wmo and
cigars for themselves , from peopio seeking
the intercession of these powerful men , In
order to procure preferred positions for them
selves or for relatives nnd friends , could also
bo borco although , of course , they are proofs
of political corruption , But the worst consequences
quences of this damnable communism arc tyr-
amiyiuid the. possibility of brutal persecution
of the opponents of the administration on the
ono hand , and servility , adulation nnd
calumny on the olher. Everyman and every
body of men who have gained certain ad vant
ages or occupy desired positions will defend
themselves against all attacks of their
opponents. So will political parties Iry lo
keep themselves in power by rewardimj their
iuitnful workers nnd by crowding back Iheir
opponents. It is , therefore , very dangerous
to Invest u great povenimeno with arbitrary
powers , which permit the rulers to make
the people dependent upon the good will ot
thc.lr officers , oven in their daily occupation ,
all their life long. "
"According lo your dcscriplion the present
state of soclelv appears to bo an unbearable
condition of affairs , " I said.
"If you inquire among the members of the
different guilds , especially among the farm
ers , " Mr. Forest continued , "you will find
lhat I am describing things Jusl as Ihoy nro.
Every member of Ihe industrial army knows
that ability and industry alone will secure
a desirable position only in exceptional cases ,
If at all ; the political influence Is the al
mighty factor in cveiy affair of our lives , nnd
the Industrial army is governed by officers
whom the worker must try to please , bv
personal adulation , by presents , by a slavls'h
devotion to iho orders of iho superiors , nnd
indirectly by inducing all the members of
his family and nil his friends lo support
every measure and every member
of the administration , If the mem
bers of the Industrial army could elect their
officers , Iho discipline would , of course , not
bo so strict/as it is now ; but oven an occa
sional row amongst the men would bo preferable -
able fo Iho present stale of affairs , where
every ono who happens to bo unpopular with
tlio ruling party is leading a terrible exist
ence. The number of suicides is therefore
becoming larger every year and Is today four
times greater lhan in your times' . "
"Tho number of suicides in European
armies lilt years ago was very largo , " I
remarked thoughtfully , "although the men
hud overythinp they needed iu the line of
lodging , food und clothing. ! '
"Yes , " said Foresl , "tho nccossllios of life
wilhoul liberty uro of little value. The sol
diers of your tlmo llirow away ihoir lives because -
cause they did no' consider n lifo without
freedom worth living , nnd still their term of
servlco lasted only ihreo pr five years , and
Ihoy had but a comparatively easy duty to
perform iu times of peace. The service In
our industrial army lusts , at Ibe besi , twenty-
four years of our Hfo. The men and women
nro at Iho mercy of Ihelr officers , and they
can appeal against maltreatment to ether
members of the administration only to Judges
who decide definitely such cases" generally
by simply sending back the complainants lo
their work with un admonition lo try to win
Ihe good \\ill of Iheir superiors , aud thus se
cure promotion. "
"You have been speaking about politi
cians , Mr. Forest , " I suid. "Do many men
take nn active part in political life1
"I should they did "
say , my predecessor
answered , "Many of the men from forty-five
years upwards , and mauy women do lltlle
else , except busy themselves with politics.
They can live on their credit cards wherever
they please , and many of them prefer to
spend Iheir tlmo in Washington , 'hustling
around , ' In a verv lively fashion , trying to
gain favors for their friends nnd for such
peopio ns address themselves to the hustlers.
The lobby in the halls of congress in your
days is described ns a bad crowd , but to com
pare il with the hustlers cf our days would
be like comparing n Sunday school with
pandemonium. Millions of peopio who desire -
sire belter work or promotion , arid who have
nothing to hope from the influence they are
able to command nt home , write to the
hustlers at Washington to secure their ser
vices. "
"But whnl can the seekers of favors offer
lo those who llvo In Washington for the pur
pose of gaining favor for other people , and
whom wo may call Ibu lobbyists of Iho
twentieth ccnlurvl" I Inquired. "In Iho
present day men do not accumulate fortunes. "
"Indeed , they do not , " answered Mr.
Forest with a smile. "But some nuplo de
sire tuhnvo oeoisionnlly n 'biirh time' and to
spend live or ten limes tbo amount of their
credit curds during each year. Some of our
adrnluislrallon leaders keep , what wo may
style , n 'great house.1 Thev receive guests
and entertain them with delicacies and wine.
Soma of the mos.t prominent lobbyists do
the same thing. An applicant for favors haste
to clvo up a part or perhaps
nearly all of his credit-card , and he may look
to his future subordinates for a rich compcn
satiou. "
"But why are people not satisfied with
Ihelr legitimate Income 1" lacked , painfully
surprised to see that wire-pulling und cor
ruption work qulto us prevalent as they bai
been 113 yean ago , "Is nol th lacomi a
credit-card affords sufficient to support pee
ple. "
"You the " Forest
can never satisfy people ,
said , "Nowadays the clever nnd industrious
part of the people foci thnt they are robbed
for the benefit of their la/y , awkward or
stupid comrades , tlmt they have to submit
to the impudence and blackmailing of some
of' their superiors , or else undergo humiliat
ing treatment And even the men and women
ol the lowest ability , who uro benefited by
our present system , nro not all of them
pleased. Some of them would wtherdo away
with personal proHfty | ! and separate house
keeping. In fHct. but a very small portion of
our citizens are really satisfied. And people
who nro fond of good cooking , coitly meals
and Havana clears " , certainly cannot pay for
such luxuries , nnd have to depend upon
others If they desire to enjoy them. U'o
have in Washington , also.a grout many young
women , who prefer Illrtatlon , fine meals and
a fast life to the regular enjoyment in the In
dustrial army or the life of an ordinary good
vlfo. "
"Then prostitution still flourishes in Wusn-
ngton , " I exclaimed with auiazenlent.
"Indeed It docs. " Mr. Forest ns-
outed. "Of course these girls hold
clerical positions In the different Je-
lartincnts , but these positions are sinecures.
umtors'nml from friends who have seen
iart of the secret life ut the cnpltol , ( und It
s not so verv secret cither ) that the higher
officials spend tifty times the amount of their
credit cards with these women. A part of
heir Income is obtained from tnoso seeking
favors , who willy-nilly give up a part of
heir credit caids. Another part of tho1
alues squandered by Influential persons
comes from the public storehousewhere only
a small proportion of the value taken out by
the intlui'iitinl ' people , is pricked from their
credit cards by the clerks , who are fully
uwuro what Is expected of them if they de
sire to retain their positions ; for if they
should treat the leaders of the ruling party
ike common laborers tliey w.iuld be degrad
ed to class B of their ttiird grade. The glit
ter of corruption proves attractive to many
nen nnd women , as I have stated before , and
the population nt Washington , theiofore , ex
ceeds that of any other city on the Amuilcan
continent. "
"But I cannot understand why the peopio
tolcrats such a corrupt and tyrannical gov
ernment , as vou describe , " 1 suiil , "and 1 am
satisfied that your hypochondriac disposition
s befogging somewhat the Keenness of your
eyesight and the clearness of your Judg
ment. "
"It Is your own fuult if you remain In
"
doubt us "to the perfect correctness of my
statements , " Mr. Forest said. "If you , for
instance , should desire lo take a vacation
for the purpose of giving our rulers In
Washington ono of your enthusiastic
ecturcs , you will cheerfully bo-granted leave
of absence from your duties as professorand
will bo received at the capitol In grand style ,
[ 'or the enthusiasm disnlaved by you for our
institutions , as compared with the civiliza
tion of the nineteenth century , will pour
water on the mill wheels of our administra
tion. You will find the state of affairs pre
cisely as 1 have described them to be. and
by convcrsinc with the rank and hlo of ttm
supporters of the administration , you will
find that they are upholding tne present state
for the reason thut they despair of their
ability to improve public affairs , and because
they are afraid of a rule still worse , under
Lho radicals. "
"How could a state of public affairs bo
worse than the one you have pictured to mo
In your conversation , " I exclaimed.
"Many people nro atraid that the rndiculs
would prohibit marriages , and would force
free love with nil its cousoiucnces upon the
peopio. in fact , the radical newspapers
the onlv sheets ttmt speak out boldly against
the administration und strlko from the shoul
der am denouncing religion , marriage , sep
arate house keeping and the limited amount
of property people are permitted to own. "
"tiut bow can the tone of the radical press
bo reconciled with your statement that the
idiinnistration is treating Its opponents so
badly 1" I asked. "If It is the custom of the
government to confine its opponents in In
sane asylums , why are the radical
newspapers permitted lo advocate such abom
inable principles t"
Mr. Forest laughed and replied : "Tho rad
ical editors are favored exceptions. Ttioy nro
doing good servlco for the administration in
scaring the mass of the peopio into submis
sion. Whenever an election of eenerals of
the guilds Is near at bad , the radical press is
permitted to howl to the best ability of Its
editors. Then , a few days before election ,
the administration organs copy extracts from
the rabid and nonsensical utterances of such
papers , and asH the people , if they desire that ,
kind of government , urge tbo voters to stand
by the administration which can , of course ,
not please everybody in all points , but which
is the best anv people on earth over hud , and
so forth ad intlnitum. "
"Then the radical editors are simply toler
ated as bugbears , while the moro moderate
writers are not permitted to oppose the ad
ministration I"
"Exactly , " rejoined Mr. Forest. "But ! am
afraid tho'governmcnt is playing a very dun
gerous game. The radicals are undoubtedly
gaining ground and have amongst their fol
lowers very desperate men , who may at any
time ralso the black fiag of destruction. It
wo bad a free and Independent people the
danger would not bo so groat. Then the
masses of free men would rally to the de
fense of their beloved Institutions. But ns
matters now stand , the masses nro accus
tomed to submission under n ruloofn minority
and the determined uprising of n body of
desperate men would find but n comparative
ly small number of citizens ready to fight for
the present order of things. And It will bo a
bad day for humanity when the radicals como
into power. "
"But you said tnat about twelve years ago
the governrmvit lost an election. That shows
that it can bo beaten in a square fight , nnd
jou further said that the present rulers nro
better citizens than the men that formed the
last administration. "
"There is certainly some improvement , but
it is nothing very remarkable. , It amounted ,
in substance , to n change ot men , but uot to n
change of system. Favoritism , qorruptlon
und prostitution have decreased somewhat ,
but they have not been stamped oilt. They
still llourlsh. Peopio who were very enthusi
astic nt the tlmo of the election and hoped
for a clean and popular administration , have
now lost nil confidence that under the com
munistic rule there can bo such n thing ns a
Just government. In substance it lias been ,
as I said , merely a change of personalities ,
and , therefore , the confidence of the peopio
in the prevailing system has been destroyed.
Consequently , the change has actually done
more harm than good. Thp strongest anil
most reliable clement today in favor of gooil
government Is the farming population ; but
nttnouph the fanners are very numerous ,
they represent ono guild only. They have
butane general anil ono department chief ,
and ore outvoted by the representatives
of the other guilds. And on account
of tno opposition of the farmers to
the administration they are not treated as
well as the members of the other guilds , "
"Do they not receive the same creOlt cards
as other people ! " I queried.
"Thov do , but they complain thnt they re
ceive the iworcst goods , and that their snare
of public improvements and benefits is com
paratively small ; and whenever there is a
chunco to discriminate against their repre
sentatives , that chance is not lost. The
fanners would bo the most reliable opponents
to the radicals , but tiio treatment they nro ro-
ccivlng from tbo administration has crcatoil
so much dissatisfaction amongst the farming
population , that wo cannot count upon their
In a llcht for the maintenance of the present
system or the present government. To give
you an instance of the discrimination against
the farmers , I will mention the erection ol
music halls , theaters and other places of evolution
lution , recreation nnd amusement. It Is , of
course , impossible to build a theater or u con
cert hull nl every country crossroad , but the
number of such public places erected In tno
cities is entirely out of proportion to those
erected lu the country towns and villages
The administration relics for Its support upon
the city people , upon such guilds as are ro
crultcd from the population of the cities , and
therefore bends all Us energies lo iKmclltlng
them. Then there is another thing to be
taken Into account. The nation Is
frequently left with small lots of
goods on its hands , through changes
of tastes , unseasonable weather und
various other causes , These have to be dis
posed of at a sacrifice , and tbo loss charged
up to the expenica of the business. The
goods the administration can dispose of at
toy time vtben U choose * to claim that the
host prices can ba realized , The members of
the administration tire also Judges as lo what
poods are to lie sold at a sacrifice. It hns
been charged by the representatives of the
farming population lhat such of these goods
as are of poor quality uro largely given out
to farmers , while ether things" that nro In
first-class condition nro disposed of Iu thu
storehouses of the cities' , nt reduced prices ,
and that In such instances favoritism ami
corruption is coming tn I do nol curelo en
dorse all iho complaints our farmers make.
They may lack foundation to a preat extent ,
but they prove the cxUtonca of a deep ills-
mitlsllciillon , and such charges could simply
not bo made If our o < tiqlrilstratlon were not
clothed with power hitherto unheard ot In
the history of mauklnd , It is the system
Itself that breeds all thvso evils. "
"Havo ycu not , beside the radical and the
nilminlstrallon parties , ether parties fighting
for the control of trio governmentl"
"Wo have the temperance peopio who
have organized themselves ; but they nro
simply striving witliiu the administration
partj to secure control of the government.
The administration does not discriminate
against the members al this orpanizatiotf. It
gives thorn a chance , lo do thulr very best ,
but so fur they have not succeeded in making
much headway. " , ,
"I notice that you'are n it giving the pres
ent system of "oeletv much credit for any
thing done under its nusplios. Don't ou
think lhat the abolition of absolute poverty ,
the elevation of all men nnd women lo u slun-
danl at least nearly equal. Is a great and
priceless gain to humanity f I remember tco
\vclllhoiiioxprrsslblosufforings of some of
Iho poor peopio of my days , nnd while I urn
not sutficlenily familiar with the present
state of society to endorse or to contradict
your statements , yet t prize the abolishment
of poverty so hit-h that I still cling to the
hope , in--plto of your arguments lo Hie con
trary , thut the present form of society and of
production may overcome all the difficulties
inseparable from all human efforts nnd Insti
tutions. "
"My dear Mr. West , I am glad to see you
using now in your last remarks In defense of
communism tlio same arguments the defend
ers of the old form of production used against
the communists of your days. Tills simply
proves two facts , viz. : that nothing Is per
fect under God's sun , und that every form of
government is forced lo admit this. The
abolition of absolute poverty could have been
accomplished , us I cuu und will prove later
on , bovond u reasonable doubt , without n de
scent into communism and the terrible conso-
uuenecs of this worst system of production.
The fact that the members mid
officers of the administration may ,
nt their pleasure , treat the friends
of their opponents , members of the industrial
army like sluvcs : that oven the friends of the
government's opponents who hnvo gained
comparatively good petitions , can bo placed
in the second cluss of the third grade ut tlio
yearly reirrading , und thnl favori'ism is
shown to all friends of the administration ,
hns caused adulation , servility , calumny and
corruption , and there was never a timein the
history of tno Saxon race when there was in
public business and social life so little inde
pendence and manhood among the citizens.
When iwo hundred and thirty years ago
England tried to levy a tax upon tea , the
Americans rose up in arms , because thov
would not permit the government to collect n
tax unless It [ 'ranted lo Iho Americans
representation in the parliament wh'ch ' im
posed this lax. To-duv the government con
trols the labor of all men and women for
twenty-four long years , without giving the
flower of the American people a chance to
cast a vote , which shall shape ttm form and
policy ot the government In conformity with
the wishes of tup o who produce Ihe wealth
of the nation. This stuto of slavery which
never existed before in the history of
civilized nations , cannot lost many years
longer. It will go down In nn ocean of b'lood.
For an iho German pool Schiller says : Fear
nol oulrages from iron .men ; but tremble
when slaves break their/Chains. / "
( Tobe- - "
MOTXKHS J-'riqU
Indians at Hosi'lnd < 'AK < 'noy AVrltc to
an Omahti Man.
Some weeks ago soycral sisters from St.
Francis mission at Kiriu Bud ugrncy vis
ited Omuhu In the Interest of their wards and
wers entertained during their stay hero by
Mr. and Mrs. W. N. Babooek.
The llttlo Indian boyslat the mission were
ovldently urcutly impressed with the sisters'
report of the 'hospitality aud liberality of
Mr. and Mrs , Babcock. , Their appreciation
took the form of the , , following remarkable
teller , Just received byiMr. Babcock :
ST. FIIVNCI * MI-XIOS , Rcssbud Agcjicy. S.
D. , April ' - ! . > , Ib'Jl. Mr , Babcock. Dear Sir :
Our teacher , Sister Cypriunn , told us that
she saw you in Omaha , some weens ago , and
she related us much about you nnd Mrs. Bab-
cock. You are a good white man and wo love
you very much , dear sir.iond wo love Mrs.
Babcock also very much * Wo nro glad that
you love us too , and wo will bo good boys
aim wo pray lor you. wncu juu uiu , vuu\vii
como into heaven , because you are good.
Please , deur sir , come to St. Francis Mission ,
bicuuso wo like to see you. and please
toll Mrs. Bubcock to come also. Wo will
dance and sing and read und spell when you
come , und wo have arithmetic and geography
und moio. Wo like to learn and to wonc
now. Wo carry wood and wo spit wood and
clean the yard and do moro. Andrew
murked his horses. He marked them A. G.
Wo boys jiave horses in our lopees nnd wo
ride on them. Wo like to eat meat and candy ,
nnd cakes and pie , and bread and beans , and
peas and potatoes , nnd carrots und cabbage
and more , and wo like lo smoko. Wo wish
you a beautiful horse and all good Ihiiigs nnd
lhat you will always bo happy and glad.
Wo wish that you and Mrs. Bnbcock al
ways remain good and then you will como
inlo Hie house of the Great Spirit , that is ,
mU > heaven. Wo like to oat brood with
molasses on. Pentecost seven boys and nine
girls will bo so happy to receive first holy
communion. Wo Indian boys will pray you ,
dear sir , and for good Mrs , Babcock , when
wo receive the holy communion.
Some boys and girls are lapiized on
holy Saturday. Wi got some Easter eggs ,
Some wore rod , some blue , some yellow and
some purple. There are 100 Indian children
hero in St. Francis Mission and wo all love
you much. Wo live in Soulh Dakota , near
Nebraska , lhat is on the western continent.
Last week we bought nice things and cakes
in the store , which the sisters fix every
month for us. Wo get tlckots-if wo nro good
and diligent und the reverend mother gives
us paper money for our tickets. For every
ticket wo got 1 cent Ottrnor had last time
f-'i.iy , George hud * l.09vAndrew hndlKi cents ,
Joseph Sl.fi't and all boys and girls had some
Wo have four mules one Is white and three
are black. The mules' names are Jack und
Billle and Dan und Jim.
When wo have plcnio we. all go on horse
back to White river nnd wo like that very
much The sisters and U'o ' girls drive over
there In wagons. Pionso , dear sir , como to
us when wo have pipntc. Wo are plowing
uow , and Frank and Paul work in the bakery.
Jake ana George lourn to bo carpontcrs. am :
Ottraar mid Androww > rk in the blacksmith
shop. The snow is gone two weeks ago.
Some Indians ore becoming soldiers.
Wo will not light with the white man when
wo ore big Indians , but wo all have
horses and guns uow already. Tuohduhisma
is baptized on holy Saturday and his name
is now' Andrew , and ho also will go to firs
holy communion , Wo have somo. vou rjiij tlo
cats ; six liltlo catsWe have three llttlo
dog' ; ' vc are black , one is yellow. And. wo
havonsneep and flvo calves. Wo begin to
work in the garden and In the field. Wo
have a nice now church , hut no blc bell. Al
boys want to see you hero in St. Francis Mis
slon. Wo have twoni in.ln school und we
have n wind mill forito Ket sorni water.
Please , dear sir , give many reuards to Mrs
Bubcock and to all whlWfboys.
Wo thank you once mow foryour kindness
That is all we have 10 say , dear Mr. Babcock
cock- . *
cockWo remain your loving Indian boys of St
Francis mission.
Itntton Veiutltr ,
Algernon Spoons ( wuo'-lias poetic asplra
lions ) Alas , this sorjlut. world ! Shall I
never know a sympatheticsoull Can I neve
touch a responsive chordti
His mother ( dtstlnbtly practical ) Well
there are about fourteen cords out In th <
woodshed that would1 probably respond 1
you should touch them right with an u ,
SATURDA\'S \ ' SPORTING SALAD ,
The Inevitable Grind About the Qnmo txml
Players.
TENNY WILL START AFTER ALL ,
Moveimmts of tinPu s Wheeling
Xolos The Trunk ami
Klablu and Itrec/.y
.Miscellany.
The announcement Is made tlmt Tenny will
losltlvely Btnrt hi the Brooklyn handicap
inless the track Is very bail. Later tluiti n
week ago .Mr. Pulslfor , tti the most emphatic
nuuncr , declared thut his lior-io would not
start la tlio handicap. Ills trnincr said the
chances wcro 1,001) to 1 against tils starting ,
.hough ho hoped to got lilm ready for the
Suburban. Everv conllduntlal friend of the
stables had the Idea that Tunny would start ,
ind Inasmuch as the horse himself , unfortu-
lately , could not speak , this evidence was.
the best that was obtainable.
The trouble with the horse was located In
the coronet of onoof his foot , n trouble which
could not bo detected except by experts upon
a careful examination. It is now claimed
that his lameness was the result of u rheu
matic uffootion , which he tiad overcome. Cer
tain it was ttiat Mr.l'ulsifor and his Intimate
friends are playing aim in every winter book
they can llnd open , which is tlio best evi
dence possiblt ) that the horse will start. At
the St. .lames hotel last evening Mattie Cor-
bett , the bookmaker , who is friendly with
Mr. Pulsifor ottered to bet f 1,0(10 ( , play or
pay , that Tcnny would bo.U any named horse
in the Brooklyn handicap. No ono seemed
dUj o ed to aecopt-wlion somebody suggested
that .Mr. Phil Dwyer , wMio was present , had
a horse entered thut he thought n good
deal of.
"I'rluce Hoyal is n peed hone , " said Mattie -
tie , ' 'but I'm after higher game. "
' I don't t.iko that as a bluff into a bet , "
nuic'tly said Mr. Dwver , "but I will take that
bet of $1 , ( > 0 ( > , play or pay , that Prince Hoyal
will beat Tcnny , and will take it , Just about
us often as it la offered , 'fenny is a good
horse , but there's bi'en too much mystery
about him this year1
The news of Tennv's starting will create
decidedly unfavorable critic-ism toward his
owner , and will leave on many the impios-
slon that the stories which were published
"
by papers , who accepted Ins word In" all faith ,
were very much exaggerated for the purpose
of affecting the betting market. Tonny's
victory under the circumstances would bo ex
tremely unpopular.
At N'e\v Oi-leaim Tonight.
The sporting men in this city are specu
lating on the probable outcome of the llstic
encounter between Andy Uowcn of rsow
Orleans , the light-weight champion of
Louisiana , and Hilly Myer of Strcator , 111. ,
who are to light tonight for $ . ' ) ,000 , cf which
$300 will po to the loser. The light will bo
decided in the Olympic nlub.in the same ring
in which Filzsiminons defeated Jack
Oumpsoy. The men are confined to weight ,
ana neither must weigh over 131 pounds in
full ring costume five minutes before the fight ,
The directors of the Olympic club have decid
ed thati n future all contests shall bo fought
with the " 1'nlice Gazette" champion boxing
gloves , una they have already been scoured
for this contest. It will bo the second time
Bowch ana Myer have 'fought in the ring.
On Mi y 12 , lsl'0 ' , they fought for $3,000 , in
Now Orleans , and Bowen won in twenty-
eight rounds , lasting ono hour and fifty-one
minutes. Myers claimed that ho was in no
condition , and be has never ocen satisfied
with the result of that meeting. A large
delegation of western men uro expected
td witness the contest , and there
will bo hcav/ betting on the result. Both
men have been specially trained , and each is
confident of wlnnlnir. Myer believes lie will
knock out I3owen inside of an hour.
Off tlio liit. :
"Tug" Arumlel has bobbed up in Detroit.
"Old Hutch. , " Auso's star pitcher , Is n
bachelor.
i'hero Is a one-armed natter at Jefferson-
vilio , Ind.
Old mau Galvin Bcoms to be ono of this
spring's young olooiK
Lucky for the Now Vorks that they re
tained Bassett and Whistler.
Jack Crooks is now "only a private. " It is
Captain Loliano , if you please.
Syracuse has gobbled up Smalloy , the
California ! ! released by Washington.
Beckley is a fine , every day hitter. Mar
riage doesn't interfere with big Jake's hit
ting.
"Johnny" Clapp , who caught for the Keds
hero In ' 60 , la uow a policeman in Ituica ,
N. Y.
Prank Foreman learned to pitch while at
tending Niagara university at Suspension
bridge.
Jimmy McAlcer is a star outfielder. Ho Is
'
battitifj'hard and bis leg seems to bo all right
again.
Coonoy says McPheo is the greatest , second
baseman in the country , and Coonoy is lust
about right.
Kansas City is after "Phcnom" Smith. If
ho cannot be lassoed the trap will bo bated
for Al. Maul.
Two triple plays have boon made In the
le.iguo ono by the Chicagos and one by the
Philndclphias.
Hemming has been unfortunate so far in
having costly errors made behind him at
critical moments.
How are the mighty charloy-horsed ! They
say that Harry Stovoy Is booked to warm the
bench for Boston.
Coonoy is the smallest plaver In the league
and ho hails from the smallest state In the
union -Ubodo Island ,
Low Dockstador claims that Arllo Latham
will bo a burnt cork artist In his noivm In-
strel company next fall.
Cincinnati has refused to waive claim to
Kliner Foster and Kansas City tuus fulled to
got the brilliant Holder.
The Phillies have relieved Mayer and Del-
chanty has been sent out to piny In center
field and Brown put on first base.
Thornton is pitching as well as any of the
league pitchers. The pitchers , like other
players , have their on and off days.
John B. FoUr says that Bug Holiday is
batting the ball as ho did In Ibs'J , when he
cut such a figure in the association.
Whcwl Ono cruelly caustic critlodownln
Kansas City reiers to Elmer Smith as a "has
been" and says ho has u glass arm.
Up In Chicago they sav that Harry Staley's
pitched balls wandered down toward tno
plate like a boy on Ms way to school.
Alvord is doing good uork for Cleveland.
And to think now anxious Cleveland was to
get rid of him previous to Tobcau's injury.
This has been a very frigid week for "Lit
tle Nic. " Three straight defeats for
Hock ford was the way Davenport rubbed it
in.
"Pop" Smith hns been signed to captain
and play short for the Washingtons. Gil
Hattleld goes to third and Jim Davis will go
to seed.
Talking of nicknames somebody has given
Billy Moron's the Jollets , of the "two Eved
Longuo , " the title of "Tho Convict1" That
is tough.
The fate of n loser is terrible. A few brlol
weeks ago the Loulsvillos wcro hulled ut
homo as heroes. Now they are called "Chap.
mac'aMisttUt"
Slngol , tbo Hoosler phenom , heralded M a
"better man than Uussio , " has been sent
back to the farm by King Kel. Ho is likely
to sign with Ft. Wayne.
Washington has released both Smalloy and
Pitcher Kcofo , and Charley Snyder says bo
will go behind the ba' , himself. VIsner boa
also been inuikod for slaughter.
Pfcffor , Coonoy aud Anson took part in the
flrit triple play of the league season at Chi
cage yesterday. The contest was ono of the
inest c.vcr played In the city of wind.
The American association is now the only
) rofesional l > : i < ouall organl/atlon ou'sldo the
mlloiml upreomont lines. The California
caguound Indiana league c.imo ill this weak.
Tom Lovett's woik against the Bostons
list Saturday was phenomenal nt this time
of the year. He hold the llcantown sluggers
lown to two nits ono of them u mere
scratch.
Speaking of Lincoln's twlrlcr the Evening
Wisconsin whispers : "Tlmt little runt , Staf-
ord , is n phenomenon. His speed is some
thing appalling , and sweet Clara , how ho
lees pound the b.ill. "
Among all the gooil plaveri In this broad
and none is more modest or unassuming than
ho great Hutchlnsoii of Chicago. While ho
s conscious of his power mid tils Importance ,
10 carries them both litto a , man.
Ono year ago this spring the Brooklyn *
offered Lovett to Boston without bonus.
Boston wouldn't take him. And last Satur
day ho let the Bo.stons down with two hits ,
lust now Brookljn wouldn't lot Boston have
him for $10,000.
There Isn't a bardcY man to catch napping
xt fli-at than Hamilton. He is as milek in n
at. In Philadelphia last Monday , John
Kwlnir delayed the game ut least live min
utes passing the ball to Connor , but never
with any effect.
Alison's opinion that the four western
clubs would lead the four eastern clubs hus
uecn wldelv quoted. The old man has made
no bets to" that effect , but it is understood
that ho is willing to'mako a bet If ho can
got the Ansonlan odds thereon.
If Milwaukee desires to sec oasobal ) dlo
lust lot them encourage the pool rooms that
IIIINO blossomed out up there. There is a law
to close them up and uule s the Milwaukee
club urge- , its enforcement they will allow
themselves to passively drift into bankruptcy-
The moment the now Columbus mayor was
elected the Columbus I'o-it came out with
i double-leaded announcement of wide upon
baseball pools. That seems to have been i\
talsi ! alarm , but to countenance such n pro
ceeding would bo to consign the Columbus
ball club far deeper in the tlnanclal hole than
they now are. Tlir.es-Star. And with no
'
wo'l rooms in Om.iha the attend unco at the
jall'park would bo doubled ,
Inside tin : IlopoH.
Tom Clark of Philadelphia and Alike Haley
of Norfolk are likely to moot for f. > 00 a side.
Frank Slavin Is back in Now York , well
pleased with his reception at John L. Sulli
van's hands.
Gcorgo Dixon and Abe Willis have been
m-itehod by the California Athlutio club for
Juno for a purse of $ . " > ,000.
Jim Mace has notified his Australian friends
that ho will probably leave Kngbind for the
Antipodes before the end of ttio year
Frankie Mcllugli has po-ted a S.'OO forfeit
and is willing to go against George Ulxon
who recently vanquished Cal McCarthy.
William Hunt and Tom Burke , shop-
makers , uro matched to Hunt to a finish for
$ .V ) a side near Cincinnati u week from to
night.
Dick Moore gave Frank Glover a terrible
whipping , and the latter hns been suffering ;
from hemorrhages ever since the light , and
may die.
Lachio Thomson and Arthur Ackers have
signed articles to light at ten stone eight
pounds for i'100. Thomson is champion of
Scotland
Bob Minor , the ono-armed pugilist wrestler
has issued a challenge to Frank Wilson and
"Wing" Collity to moot him upon the mat
tress in any stylo.
Peter J. Nolan may re-enter the ring if he
can get a match with Franl : Slavin , 1'oto
hus n backer who will cover any amount of
money the Australian may put up.
Nunc Wallace hus Issued a challenge to
fight Cal McCarthy at seVen stone twelve
pounds for . " > 00 or 1,000 , either in Englander
or America , glvo or take expenses.
Tommio Comer is matched to fight Tom-
mio Cavanagh , the Buffalo kid at an early
dato. Comer has been defeated but twice ,
and Lou Bczinah was the victor in both of
these.
Billy Wilsor , the colored heavy-weight
champion of the northwestwho fought Patsy
Cardiff , Joe Choynskl , Mervlno Thompson ,
and a dn/cn others , has arrived in New York.
Ho will try and arrange a match with George
Godfrey , Jack Ashton. Jim Daly or any of
the heavy-weights in the prize ring.
Maurice Bnrrymore , the actorhas , won any
number of trophies in amateur contests of
agility and strength , lirst and chief of which
Is probably thoQueensburycup ThoQucens-
bury cup is n trophy contested annually upon
the Ltttlobrldgo grounds , London , ami Is the
prize for the amateur middle-weight cham
pionship of Eneland. Barr.vmoro. won it in
IbTO , defeating the then champion of that
weight In the amateur class.
Terroiico Lynch , champion of South
Africa , Tasmania and Now Zealand , now in
"Frisco , fights at about a hundred and ninety
pounds , aim says no is ready to meet any
body. In ISb'J ho was champion cf South
Africa and going to New Zealand whipped
Donovan and Wilkinson. He also defeated
nil comers in Tasmania , but was unable to
get a match in Australia with Peter Jack
son , wno had retired from the ring to open a
hotel.
The impending battle between .Tommy Car
ney of Birmingham and Dick Burgo of New
castle , for il.OOd and the lightweight
championship of England , Is creating great
interest in Manchester , Birmingham and up
in the Beach country. Squire Ablution is
Backing Carney , while Burgo is backed by a
well known patron of the prize ring In New
castle. Carnoj is now the favorite owing to
Ins superb condition. Vorrall is so confident
ho will defeat Gibbons , the American , that
he hus made another match with Alf. Suffolk.
Miscel I uncoil * . Sport.
Powers defeated Do Ore in their pool gnmo
at Chicago by 4(1 ( points and thus won first
prize in the tournament. They uro matched
fora continuous game , May 14 , 13 and 10 , for
WJO and the Brunswlck-Bulko-Colleiider
cnampionshlp emblem.
Frank Ivcs defeated Eugene Carter in their
great billiard match nt Cliicairo fiiH ) to 473.
The struggle lasted for Illty-threo Innings
and was witnessed by lr > 00 people. Ivcs'
best run was 70 , and his average ! l'-si-ftl. Car
ter's best run was 72 , average V 1-.1M.
Tcnny is again seen on the Westchcstor
course taking gentle exercise canters. Tlio
slightest sort of lameness is still perceptible ,
and among truinirs Teunj's future is. tno
subject of much dlsouslon. His owner ,
however is not despondent about him.
Duncan C. Hess and George Hobinson
wrestled for 100 recently nt Christ church ,
Australia. The match resulted in u draw.
Hobinson won the American sido-hold and
Cumberland. Hess won catcb-as-catch-cun
and Grmco-Uomau. The collar-and-clbow
style was drawn.
"Black , loo" Jack Slavens an American
darkey , and Chong Shook , an anglicised
Malay , met in a skin glove tattle at London
recently. The battle , which was hard and
fierce , was postponed ut the end of two hours'
lighting until next morning , when "Black
Joo" alone showed up , and was declared the
winner.
American tennis players will have to look
to their luurols , as the latest advices from
England uro to the effect that tbo Henshaw ,
are Mining hero. September will see the ad
vent of Mrs. Edwlna Pedley. the champion
of Indir. . and the only lady who has over de
feated the Uenshaws in a match. She comes
for the special purpose of trying the skill of
Miss Hobinson.
At tlio Westminster aquarium some days
r.go a sensational billiard performance was
accomplished , Taylor , the well-known pro
fessional , making no loss than 1,407 in a
break , with the spot stroke barred. This is
the biggest thin if over accomplished in En
glish billiards , being 777 higher than previous
records made by John Roberts last year.
Tbo Galve ston Atlr.ellc club has decided to
offer a purscof MOO for Tom Moncghan , the
champion of Texas , and Jack Burke of Chicago
cage to fight for. The men have signed the
articles and the fight will bo decided accordIng -
Ing to Police Gazette rules in the club gym
nasium on May Ib. Both men are light
weights , and Moncghan has fought seven
battles and never been dofeatod. Burke U n
pupil of Jack Burke , the Irish lad , and bo
also has engaged In dimerous prize ring en
counters , H.
Oarsman Connor to an Interview tald be
would rather have his races with Stanbury
on Toronto bay , but Seattle had made a good
bid and thi'ro the contest would likely take
place. Seattle had offered fTi.OOO for it. If
Toronto would offer $ rt.OOO ho would be pleased
to row there. Ho has not the least douot
that the race will take plaoo somewhere.
Hunlaa is coming to the front again. Ho
weighs ltd pounds -moro than over bofoio
mid is In po 'd condition. Slnco Stanbury has
decided to como toAmorica Hanlan thinks ho
would regain the championship of the world
If li rowed for it In America.
Fornivpitcd price of $5,000 , John B. Ew-
Ing. Volti.r.io stud , this coiinu. 1ms bought
of M. Young. Mi-iarihluna stud , the bay
stallion , Ben D'Or I't. by Imp Bncuden , dam
Kato Walker , by Embrys Lexington. Bon
D'Or was n high class race horse , an 1 lias at-
re.nl v sired such iro.ul ones ns Baiidusia anil
Equftv. Ho will take the plnco at Ewing's
( stiibllsliiiiotit made vncnut by the loss of the
noted Volturno , who has Just Uioa. The lat
ter was fifteen , liv Imp. Billet , dam Spright
ly. by Lexington , anil won a number of fiuo
races , Im-ludinc snob events ns the Brocken-
iilgo slnkui uml Loulsvlilo cup. In the stuil
10 sired Volo. Van Li'land , Anne Ellruboth ,
mil other winners. His owners valued him
it $10,000.
The 'I rack anil
Fergus d lopped dead on the track at Ben-
ling's.
Sarah Bernlmrdt was asked to nnmo four
o'f the get of Elector and she responded by
suggesting Cleopatra , Theodora , Marc An
tony and Justinian.
Adjoining the Guttonburg rueo coin-so is n
stand with u sign : "Watches , diamonds and
ewolrv bought here. " This is for the benefit
of the backers of form
Ed. Corriguti Is trying to got up a match
raoo between Ins Longlcllow llllv , Ethel , and
Ed. Gardner's Ida Pickwick , forJI.O.Mla side.
The latter llllv won the Hello Meade stakes
at Nnslivlllo yesterday.
The trotting season nt Belmont Driving
park In Philadelphia has commoncod. The
inaugural winners were Post Bov , Planter ,
Bluck Frank , Lady Bowells , Salllo C. Black ,
York , Elastic Starch and Hudson.
Athens broke the western record nt Nash
ville In tlio third race , covering n mile and
thrce-sixtennths In 'JiOlVf. Bcrthn was the
favorite , but she was beaten liv a liuad In n
driving finish These wore the winners :
Fred Taral f4 to ft ) , Philoral ( .Ho 10) ) , Attlcus
(0 ( to 5) ) , Addle ( 'J to 1) ) , and Mantle ( ! 1 to ft ) .
StraUillcrs of tlio llyko.
Harry Irving hus presented a cup for Bug-
llsti ovcllsU to race for.
The Canadian Wheelmen's association nro
endeavoring to mnko arrangements whereby
tourists may cross from the Unltod States
into Canada without the cnstomnrv annoy
ance of having their machines hold for
duty.
The Loaeun of American Wheelmen have
altered their rules sn tlmt the championship
races and tlio national meet can take placa
tills year at the same time and In the same
city Dot rolt. ' 1 ho original plan for the moot
on 'July 111 , 17 and 18 contemplated no races.
A novel mutch will take place In a week In
England. A cvcllst and a pigeon will bo tua
contestants , distance ono and thrco-qunrtnr
miles on a road near West Conrafolk. The
cyclist riding a safety and rocoivlpg llvo min
utes start. Stakes 1110 a side. It looks Ilka
a dead snip for the wheelor. American
Athlete.
TSIOIH11ITS i..1
III I lie AVny.
Chleati't Trllmnr.
Miss Knjones was doing her Dost to enter
tain the twoyounc-men.
"By the way , Mr. Ferguson , " pho asked ,
"do you take any interest in politlosl"
" 1 don't take any active part in political
matters , but I am strongly in favor of n third
party movement , " answered "Mf.Turguson ,
glaring at young Hnnkinsou.
A Now
Churlio was complaining forxj.wo or thrca
days. v
"Mamma , " ho said , "I guess Ivvo got thai
now what do you call iti"
"Inlluen/n , " sugucstod mamma. "O , no.
dour , It Is simply lassitude. "
"Lissio-tude ! " cried Chnrlcv "Why. n
hey can't have that , can hoi Moro likely I've
gotladdio-tudei"
An 1'jiioouniKliifj
Cluthler anil Furntglier ,
Taller Do you think you cnnld ' manapo to
settle up your account by the 'first , sirl You
know you spoke to mo the other day about a
rich uncle.
Jngway Yes , sir , and that account will bo
paid with ono posslblo exception.
Tallorcagorlv ( ) And what is that slrl
Jugway ( calmly ) That is in case my undo
doesn't dto.
Onnoriil Palmer Tolls Anot'ior Story.
f/ilcaoo / llcrahl
"I recollort n good many years ago I wont
to Springfield mid asked a man to vote for a
friend of mme who lived in my county. The
candidate , by the way , lived in the oama
county. I said to this man : 'Will you vota
for mv friend ) ' 'Yes,1 say a ho , 'as 1 live In
hell I'll fight for the devil.1
A Snfo Coiifldnnoc.
CVifr/iflo Tribune.
Bostor Yos. sir , I have n record for whipPing -
Ping a man twice my slzo. I knocked him
out in five minutes. Did you over hear of
Brown Go on , Mr. Boston You are per
fectly safe in talking to mo. I never boxed
in my life. _
Riilntrlinn Coloring.
jVfio York IJVc/tfy /
Artist ( with elevated oynbrows ) Humph I
you've been having your house palntod , I
sen.
Suburban host ( proudly ) Yes. Looks
gay , don't she !
Artist ( wlh cutting Irony ) Why didn't
you put on more colors *
Host f.ipoloeotlcnlly ) The store I went to
only hud six colors.
Advil ntiiK" of Diminution.
IMt.
First Voice -1'ir the editor of thft Dally
Union , and I want two in the dross circle.
Ticket Seller Then show your wad.
Second Voice I'm ono of the reporters ,
and -
Tlciiet Seller--How many , Billy !
A Hrllliant effort.
Sm'tli. ( Iran A Cn.'t Mimtlilu.
Mr. Hogors I hear that Havens mode B
witty speech at the dinner last night.
Mr. Shnltz- Yes ; It was qulto short , but
vorv loudly applauded.
Mr. Hedgers What was the imturo of his
remarks.
Mr Shnltz Ho sold : "Gentlemen , al
though the committed has asked mo to apenlc
on this subject , I do not feel that 1 hnvo been
snflloloMtly Oepowtized to do so. " Then ha
sat down.
Worlli
JMr.
"Does do coh't tax me fibo dolluhsah
hlttla' ob Sam Stoper ! " asked the de
fendant.
Klvo dollars fine is the pflnaltv , " rcpllod
tlio Judge , with a ting of Impatience in hit
voico.
"Well. Jodfrn , I doosV want'cr git do bos'
ob nobody , and I tolls oor , hones' , 'twas wuf
moh'n dat. "
CiitchliiKiit a Straw.
Frre I'rtn.
Mrs. Lovolaco ( before n milllonor's widow )
Harold , dear , no yon sro thnt sweet llttlo
bonnotl Isn't It a perfect goml
Mr. Lovolico ( suddenly become ( loan-
Horn comes our car. Eunice , nnd I have tig.
nnlcd the driver to stop. Wo must be la
roAdlnoss to got aboard , Conductors are
( rood dnal like tlmo and the tldo , they wall
for no 0110 ,
An Approprlnto Headline ,
! \eif \ Viirk KIIIL.
Telegraph Editor Hero Is on Item about
n man bc'ng killed bv olpotrirlty In Detroit
stoppled on a llvo wlro and died Instantly.
Kdltor.lu-chlof Boll tt down and run 11
under the bead "Llvo Current EvenU. "