1'Jb TJUUJ OMAHA JL > AJLtjy Jj.to.iii , SUAJDAV , MAY 18 , -SIXTEEN PAGES.
TRINIDAD Sheet Asphalt PAVEMENT
, S2.68 and $2.98 Per Square Yarci
The attention of those contemplating the paving of their streets and avenues during the present year , is invited to the following exhibit ° f our bid ° f ar 9 > or asphalt - *
phalt pavement that may be ordered in this city during 1890. These greatly reduced prices put a genuine Trinidad Asphalt .Pavement within the reach of all. Asphalt
is cheap , because it is moderate in its first cost , the company caring for it the first five years free of cost to the property owner or the city ; cheap , because the company has
a contract with the city to repair and keep in good condition the asphalt pavements for ten additional years , making fifteen years of assured comfort and luxury without
additional cost to the property holder , repairs being paid from the general fund ; cheap , because an asphalt pavement is repairs forever , wood or brick means an entire new
pavement in a very few years , thus entailing a second paving lien against your property before the first one is more-than half discharged. Asphalt is desirable , because ifi
is clean and noiseless , is a luxury to drive upon , a perfectly sanitary pavement and is easily , quickly and perfectly repaired ; desirable , because in the near future the city
will cease to vote bonds for intersections , at a time when the wood and brick streets will demand repaving , this will leave you with a wrecked and impassable street , as
was the case for five and six years in Washington , and Washington's experience is to be repeated in this city very soon. Asphalt is the recognized standard pavement of4
America todayover two hundred and sixty miles of it now in use and growing in popular favor ; New York City , NewarkAlbanySchcnectady , Milwaukee , Altoona , Dun
kirk , Fort Wayne , Kansas City , Wyandotte and Wichita having adopted it during 1889 ; Buffalo has one million two hundred thousand yards , and takes an additional half
million yards this year wholly on the petition of the property owners.
Not a Yard of Genuine Asphalt Pavement laid by the Barber Company has ever been Replaced by other Material
While on the other hand over one million yards of wood , Medina sand stone and granite have been taken up arid replaced with asphalt by this company. Following is
our bid , arranged according to severity of traffic the street will be subject to , you have thirty days in which to petition for choice of material for your street , blank petitions
may be had upon application to this office [ 428 Ramge Block ] where diagram of streets may be seen and information cheerfully given. Following is our bid for 1890 :
SHEET ASPHALTUM. SHEET ASPHALTUM. SHEET ASPHALTUM. SHEET ASPHALTUM. SHEET ASPHALTUM. SHEET ASPHALTUM. SHEET ASPHALTUM.
FIve Years' Guarantee. FIve Years' Guarantee. rive Years' Guarantee. rive Years' Guarantee. Five Years' Guar.intec. FIve Years' Guarantee. Five Years' Guarantor.
Streets. Form Form Form Streets. Form Form Streets. Form Form Streets. Form Form Streets. Form Form Streets. Form Form Streets. Form Form
"A" "B" "C" "B'J "C" "B" "C" "B" "C" "B" "C" "B" "C" "B" "C"
6th $ . . . . $2 68 $ 17th Ave $ $2 48 28th $ $2 48 Binncy $ $2 48 Emmett $ $2 48 Lowe Ave $ $2 48 Park $2 68 $
* *
7th 2 68 i8th 2 48 2Sth Ave 2 48 Burdette 2 48 Farnam 2 68 Lathrop 2 48 Parker 2 48
7th Avc 2 68 19th 2 48 29th ' 2 48 Burt 2 48 Frances 2 48 Locust 2 48 Poppleton Ave 2 48
8th 2 98 20th 2 68 29th Avc 2 48 Butler 2 48 Franklin 2 48 Lake 2 48 Pleasant 2 48
9th 2 98 2ISt 2 48 30th 2 48 California 2 68 Grove 2 48 Landon Court 2 48
Reed 2 48
loth 2 68 22nd 2 48 3oth Avc 2 48 Capitol Ave 2" 48 Grant 2 48 Leavenworth 2 68 '
S'eldon 2 48
nth 2 48 23rd 2 48 3ist 2 48 Cass 2 48 Grace 2 48 Mayne 2 48
Spring . . . 2 48
I2th 2 98 24th 2 48 3ist Ave 2 48 Center 2 48 Hamilton 2 48 Mercer Avc 2 68
i3th 2 68 24th Ave 2 48 32nd 2 48 Chicago 2 48 Harney 2 48 Marcy 2 48 Spencer 2 48
14th 2 48 25th 2 48 32nd Avc 2 48 Charles 2 48 Hickory 2 48 Mtison 2 48 Spruce 2 48
i5ih 2 48 25th Ave 2 48 33rd 2 48 Cumings 2 68 2 48 Howard 2 48 Nicholas 2 68 Smith _ 2 48
i6th 2 48 26th 2 48 34th 2 48 Davenport 2 48 Half-Howard 2 48 Paul 2 48 Sherman Avc 2 48
"
15th 2 48 26th Ave 2 48 35th 2 48 Dodge 2 48 Izard 2 68 Pacific 2 48 Webster 2 48
16th 2 48 27th 2 48 36th 2 48 Douglas \ 2 48 Jackson 2 48 Pierce 2 48 Williams 2 48
ith 2 48 27th Ave 2 48 37th 2 48 Dorcas 2 68 2 48 Jones 2 48 Pine 2.48 Woolworth Ave 2 . | S
ber Asphalt Paving Co. Office 428 , Ramge Block. C. E. Squires , Agent.
A BLISSFUL IMMORTALITY ,
How the Salvation Army Attains to It
Through the Drum.
RISE AND PALL OF THE COHORTS.
Phenomenal Peculiarities of Body and
niiml and the Self Denial AVhiuh
IMu.st Distinguish the Soldier
of the Lord.
Four years ago the Salvation army in
Omaha was in its glory. The old city hull on
Sixteenth and Farnam provided a barracks
from whoso port-holes the melodious strains
of drums , cymbals and tambourines might
float over half the city. Then the drum-
beatcr.4 for thcro were two or three of them
had n martial stride , and , with heads
thrown back and chests protruded , thumped
their mightiest. Then the standard-bearer ,
with many a flourish , kept time to the lively
cadences of "Clear the Way , the Lord is
Coming" and similar classics. Then the
gills who strum the tambourines pirouetted
as Jauntily as the most vivacious of mincing
girls. Then thcro were moio In the "army"
than captains , lieutenants , sergeants and
corporals , Thcio were privates , male and
female , who formed hollow squares and solid
squares , circles and ovals , and lent their
voices to tlio melodies which rattled the windows
dews along the line of march.
The "army" got into the papers in those
days and into the police court unit nil kinds of
trouble. Scoffers Mil rounded them on the
streets and ragged gamins followed them
with wicked paiodies of their songs.
All this has become an old storv , and the
bravo little remnant of two captains , a lieu
tenant and a private , which nightly appear
with the drum , tambourines and Hag , long-
Inglj broods over the days that are. no more.
Tlio barracks nro now in the ton story of
the Hcllman block , ami the army has dwin
dled to four or five , with only two little
women in uniform.
A long , ungainly specimen of humanity ,
with a hungry look on his face , but who evi
dently means every word ho says , pitches
the tunes and exhorts the idlers and curious
who surround their open-air meetings.
A bashful young gentleman carries the big
drum and does his best to split its head with
every chorus. That is all there Is of it ; no
scoffers follow them , no policeman arrests
them , no horse starts at their Hag and drum
and so gets them into tlio papers. They go
bravely on , ho\\over , confident of a "re
vival" and confident that every tlmo thev
kneel on the muddy pavement they are ad
ding to their crown ot glory another luster.
Just how the llttlo lenumnt manages to
exist is a mystery. Twenty-Jive or ! ! 0 cents is
a largo collection , and that comes only on
pi oil occasions. Certainly the financial con-
sidorat oa Is no temptation to ono contem
plating Joining the Salvation army.
An ofllcer hu > t week told n reporter some of
the quiiittlc.itions which must bo possessed bv
an aspirant for oltico iutho army. Ho must
pass a mctllcal examination strict enough to
i-ntitlo htm to an insurance policy in which
the physician certifies as to the candidate's
hereditary tendcncy.condltlon of heartchest ,
lungs , and as to whether tliero is any tenden
cy to epilepsy or unsoundncss of mind. The
object of all this is to s'low ' that the candidate
male or female is n suitable person to stand
t ho strain and fatlguo of singing and spsakmg
publicly In the open air.
Then follows mi inquisition to determine
whether or not the candidate- of the correct
height h , age , weight , condition of health , and
nn Interminable list of other matters. The
kind and quality of fits with which ho Is af
flicted , the amount of his debts , his occupa
tion mid wages are all subjects of considera
tion.
tion.Ho
Ho must not use intoxicating liquor , tobac
co nor suuft and it is desirable that ho should
have a musical instrument of some kind and
bo tiblo to play it. If ho can raise tunes , read
hymns at sight and intends to live and die iu
the ranks so much the better.
B of ere getting ths commission , ho pledges
to carry out all tlio on era ot the
army ; to spend not less than nine hours every
day in the active service of the army , of
which not less than three hours shall bo de
voted to visitation ; to keep n daily record of
how his day is spent on forms supplied by the
army ; to wear a uniform and dress in every
way as directed by the headquarters ; and if
ho can provide his own uniform before en
tering the service he is so much the moro
available. Ho pledges himself also never to
receive any sum in the form of pay beyond
the amount of allowance granted by an au
thorized scale. Ho further states whether ho
supports his wife or bis wife supports him
and is given to understand that no salary or
allowance is guaranteed and that ho will
have no claim against the Salvation army or
any ono connected therewith on account of
salary.
Thcio Is also an order regarding the receiv
ing of presents and testimonials to which bis
attention is directed and ho is required to
give a reference who cun speak of his lifo and
character at homo.
Single men and women arc required testate
whether or not they are courting and if so to
designate the object of their affections. If
the answers nro satisfactory the candidate is
given to understand that ho may not bo id
lowed to marry until two years after his ap
pointment us nn olllccr. If ho is not courting
ho is asked to pledge himself to put a rope
about his errant affections and abstain from
anything of the sort for at least twelve months
after his appointment , and not to carry on a
courtship with anyone at the station to which
ho is at the time appointed.
If he or she is susceptible and romantic and
all that sort of thing ho will hesitate about
making the next pledge , which icquires that
ho shall neither commence nor break off any
courtship without first informing the commis
sioner of his intention so to do.
In other words , ho is required to fell in love
and fall out again according to the official
schedule. Ho moreover pledges himself never
to fall in love with any one , marriage with
whom would take him out of the army alto
gether.
Married men are asked to state how long
they have been married and how they got
along , whether their wives are converted , the
number of their children and their ages ,
whether or not any ot thorn have any bodily
defect or disease ; whether the wife will
agree to wear a uniform , and what , if any
part , she takes in the work of the army. A
distinction is made between a wife wishing
her husband to Join the army and ono only
willing , and the candidate unveils his domes
ticity Millleiently to state whether she has
favored his going to the meetings or has com
plained of his going out too much. If she
objects to his becoming nn ofllcer iho candi
date is asked to give the reasons for her ob
jection.
When nil these questions and many moro
nro satisfactorily answered , the application
of the ambitious candidate is considered , and
in time ho gets a commission which entitles
him to lead the street parades , beat thodrum ,
or marshal the forces as tlio case may bo.
The women sell the War Cry and get their
trouble for their pains , for tliero is no com
mission attached to the sale of the Salvation
army organ.
Tlio War Cry is In many respects tlio most
wonderful paper in the world. It U printed
In a dozen languages and is sold all over the
world for Its fuco Miluo. Each blanch pays
for each paper 5 cents , and what me not sold
nro retained. It Is said to huvo the largest
circulation of any newspaper published , and
the work of disposing ot every copy Is abso
lutely without compensation of any sort be
yond the sense of sutlstactiou over a duty
dono.
The captain of the Omaha cohorts Is satis
fied that some day their work will bo appre
ciated. She says they have been relied and
persecuted , but their work has brought in
many souls which no other agency could
reach , and that is glory enough lor them.
Not IHtho World.
Jewelers' Weekly : Occullst It is neces
sary that I prescribe for you very strong
glasses.
Hunk Prohibitionist I will die , sir , rather
than violate my solemn pledge to abstain
from everything that intoxicates.
An Absolute Cure.
The ORIGINAL , ABIETINH OINTMENT
Is only put up in largo two-ounce tin boxes ,
and U ) an absolute euro for all sores , bums ,
wounds , chapped hands and nil skin eruptions ,
Will positively euro all kinds of piles. Ask
for the OUlCUNAL , ABIKT1NK OINT
MENT. Sold by Goodman Drug company at
25 ccuts > > > * box by null DO ccuU
DON'T ' YOU MARRY FOR MONEY
It is Stupid , It is Ignorant , and It is
Likewise Wicked.
A MOST PITIFUL BANKRUPTCY.
The Matrimonial Disaster of an Uii-
hapny Worldling Neither Happi
ness Nor Content Without Iovo
A Jewel AVltlioitt Price.
( CopyrnmlSfW. . )
To marry for money is one of the most un
pardonable of all blunders. The search for
truth and the pursuit of happiness are in the
judgment of most wise men , from Moses to
Socrates , from Lord Bacon to Emerson , the
two most intelligent aims in life. To seek for
truth in a marriage which is in itself a mock
ery and a Ho is evidently useless ; to pursue
happiness in a homo which one has sold one's
freedom to obtain is quite as fruitless a task.
It Is stupid , it is ignorant , it is
WICKUl ) TO MA1IKY I'OH MON'KT.
It is stupid from so many points of view , it
is staking the permanent against the evanes
cent. Money is an uncertain commodity , a
fluctuating value , and a man or a woman who
exchanges his or her best chances of happi
ness for that flimsy , slippery coin is exchang
ing the true for the I'tdse , the real for the
counterfeit. This is always presupposing
that a hnppy marriage is the highest prize
which the lifo lottery contains. If tliero bo
any cyme who doubts this why , this argu
ment is not for him.
The mistake with us Is the great Importance
which isattachcd by all classes in this country
to the money question. It is a very unpleas
ant thing to bo hungry ; but it is also uncom
fortable to bo gorged and over-ted. Under
nourishment is bad , but apoplexy and gout
are perhaps worse.
To preach the doctrine of plain living and
high thinking is at this date a thankless task
it probably has always been. It is not a
very dreadful thing to bo poor , Want Is
grim , but povoity is not the ugliest thing I
know in this world. When I Hhnll speak of
the poor In this short sermon I must bounder-
stood not to speak of the poverty-stricken
men and women of our great cities , whoso
misery is our shame , but of the men and wo
men who lack the luxuries of life , and must
sufllco themselves with its necessities.
To go back a little. The
CAU.II : or MIHCINAIIV : M untunes
is nearly always ignorance , a false standard
of the values of life. In order that wo should
guard our children from this saddest of mis
takes , wo must beware what false doctrines
they listen to in their nurseries and at our
tables. The false standards of llfo are , alas !
too often acquired by our boys and gjrls while
they are still rolling hoops and playing mar
bles.
bles.Wo
Wo sometimes hear of cases of mercenary
marriages which the friends of the victim
applaud as acts of heroic self-sacrlllco. A
fair young girl , in order to save her father
from bankruptcy or lior family from poverty
gives her hand to some rich man , to whom
she cannot glvo her heart. Society pities her
and applauds her , and certain portion keeps
a sharp lookout for the tlmo when , the hand
being already given , the heart is given to
another. Oh ,
WHAT A riTirur , iHXKnurior is THIS ,
worse , n thousand times worse than the
darkest financial disaster which can overtake
the family.
Or suppose the heart is never given. The
ivonmn h
play her part in this mock nuirriago to the
bitter end ; gives up the hope , of loving , or
strangles it In its birth , and lives at the side
of her husband an honorable wife , the throuo
In her heart always empty , the hunger never
satisfied ; what thcnt Is there any happiness
for husband , wife , or child in that household ,
think you ) None ; for the children ot these
loveless marriages nro born without love to
their dower , ana without the Inheritance ot
love what is llfo 'worth ! This la no romance.
Ask tbn muu whoso opinion on tueao matters
you believe in your clergyman , who knows
life at its best ; your lawyer , who sees it at
its worst ; your physician , who sees it as it is ,
on its finite side if this is not a living fact.
I once knew a man who had
SOLD iiiMsr.i.r TO A JIK.II HOMVN
whom he did not love. Ho had been misin
formed in regard to the amount of her fortune
under her own control. The marriage did
not please the trustees of the heiress , finan
cial disasters swept away most of her prop
erty , and after ten yen is ho lound himself
bound to a woman he did not love , whoso
piopertyonly enabled them to live in the
quietest manner , In a corner of the great
world of lashion to which they belonged. Ho
had dropped out of the profession ho had
studied , and was a mere cypher in the com
munity. I remember no person that I has'o
oVer known that iuspiied mo with the pro
found pity I felt for
THIS si'r.ST woni.m.ivo ,
I shall never forget the bitterness in his
voice as ho gave mo the following advice :
"When you marry , marry for love , for you
may get something worth having. Never
nmrry for money , for you arc likely to get as
badly fooled as oilier people. "
The greatest thing in the world is lovo.
Tliero is no happiness , them is no content
without love. Wo are born with the precious
heritage of the mother love and the father
love , but that sacied paternal love does not
sufllco us ; In the order of nature , It can
shield us but for a part of our pilgrima-jo
through tliis world. In the springtide of life
every human heart yearns for its lover , as the
bird calls and cries tor its mate. That yearn
ing for love is your birthright , sell it not for
a mess of pottagol
There are some mistaken people who will
say to you , love is not enough , love will not
feed you , nor clothe you , nor keep a roof over
your head. Tliero is no spur like love , there
is no incentive like it. It hi ings out the
IIKSTIN.MNANIJ IX WOMAX.
It makes the timid bold. A sparrow will
wrangle with the boy who comes to steal her
eggs or molest her young.
Tliero is no better test to love than this very
question. You suy you love me ; is your love
holiday or working day love ? If holiday , it is
like the false dawn of the orient Omar tells
of , and wo lee ) : for better things. It is suitable -
blo to the baH room and to the tennis court , it
passes the time of waiting for the sunrise.
Working-day love for mo love t hat will make
both of us stronger to work , braver to over
come more patient to endure. If it is this love
that your lover offers , bo not afraid to take
him and it to your heart , for it will make the
lire in the kitchen and oven turn the roast up
on the spit. Working-day love is what every
woman hungers tor , whether bho marries u
rich man or a poor man.
The wife of a young millionaire , If she bo a
true wife , is as anxious that her husband
should work for her sake as is the wife of the
poor poet. What our husbands work nt is
not of so much importance to us as is the
spirit they put into their work. If young
Ciwsus born with ft fortune marries a woman
who loves him , you will soon find her urging
him to some work statecraft , art , science ,
inuklc , literature it matters not wimt , but
ho must satisfy hen ambition , ho must
] iiioMEMOiiiTjUNNA'tL'iu : : [ : MIHR HIM
for her .sake. Ho must conquer new worlds
of knowledge for lor. ) If ho sinks into the
indolent material llfo of the ignorant rich
and is satisfied with his fast horses , his fam
ous yacht , his dinners ; md his wino parties ,
she Is as unhappy as the wife of tno poor
poet who sees her husband letting slip the
golden opportunities of the daj s that como
but once.
I say again money Is of very little cense
quence. "Cilvo mo neither poverty nor
riches , " said the wisest old philosopher whoever
over wrote. None of the things best worth
having in llfo cost money. Sunshine , blue
sky , blue bea , health , beauty , genius , love ,
these are not to bo bought with coin. Disease -
ease may bo alleviated , gratitude may bowen
won by wealth , but health and love , God's
greatest gifts to man physical and mun splr-
tual , ere not to bo bought or sold.
On the other hand , wo must not Ignore the
necessities of oxisU'iico. In our day and
country two young people who can bo satis-
lied with each othur imd u homo where com
fort and ucatucss
AltB TUB OSF.T JEWELS ,
these young people , If they have health ,
strength and love , can win such a homo for
themselves.
If you have money , it is a very pleasant
thing , but the pU&&nnUSt ) thing that you cun
do with it , aftcV all , Is to glvoit attuy.
In a household where Uio v * is unreason
able about her personal share of expenditure ,
and the husband ungenerous toward her ,
while ho is too lavish in his own private
spending of money , bo sure these are but
superficial symptoms of a deeper misunder
standing' between the pair. The financial
friction is not the cause of thgir cold
ness , but the result of it. If they truly love
ono another the strife is in tlio other direc
tion. Darby is determined that Joan shall
have a now silk dress , while Joan is set upon
the money being laid out on a winter over
coat for Darby. Do not lift your doubting
eyebrows , Miss Incredulous or Mr. Sceptic.
1 could quote chapter and verse to prove this
assertion , not from the history of one ,
but of a dozen happily married folk I have
known.
No matter what your means may be" , bring
up your children simply. Take a lesson from
tlio education of Henry IV. , the beloved king
of the French , of whoso training an old
chronicler saith :
"Ho was at first very difficult to raise , hav
ing had so many as seven or eight nurses.
As soon us ever ho was weaned tlio king gave
him in cha'rgo of Susan do Bourbon , wife
of Jean d'Albiet , Baron do Moissens , who
carried him to the chateau do Coarasse in
Beam , amid the mountains and the rocks.
"His grandfather would on no account have
him brought up with all the delicacy and con
sideration too often bestowed upon those of
Ills rank. Ho forbade him either to bo becom
ingly dressed or to bo humored with tiny sort
of toys or nonsense , or again to bo in anyway
fawned to or
or ins IIAXK ,
for , said he , these things but servo to the
pulling up ot vanity , and rather to breed nr-
roganco and pretension than noble or gen
erous propensities. In fact , ho requited him
to bo clad and to bo treated exactly as other
children of his years. And ho was made to
run about and climb all day among the rocks ,
so as early to inure him to danger and fa
tigue , the better to impart a tone and vigor to
his system , and which was assuredly , above
all things , to bo looked to in the nurture of a
prince who was destined to go through and
so much for the vecoveiy and for the sake of
his country and his rights. "
I ot your sons and daughters grow up truly
Independent , without those habits of luxury
which , when once foruicd , are so hard to
break. Then they will bo fitted to whatever
Hfo awaits them. If they are to find their
llfo way among the rick , they will easily learn
the methods of spending money ; and if not ,
tloy will nothing painful in a llfo whoso pros
perity is not external.
This independence of material conditions is
Tim TllUr. AMRRICAX INDCPRXDRNC'I ! ,
the very foundation of our national existence.
If in certain artificial social circles it seems
to us to lw dying or dead , let it not shako our
faith in tlio vitality of this fundamental prin
ciple. It is tlio heritage of our people , and it
behooves us to hand It down to our children
oven us our fathers bequeathed It to us.
MAUD HOWR.
For sick headache , female troubles , nou
ralgio pains in the head take Dr. .F. II. Mo
Lean's Little Liver and Kidney Pillcts. ! i5
cents a vinl.
Growth of KiiKland'H 1'opnlntinti.
The increase of the population In Ens-
land and Wales IB htill very rapid , feu.yfa
tlio London Spectator. According to
tlio statistics for 1889 , just published by
the register gonorul , the births in that
year were 88.5,17 ! ) , and the deaths 617-
1)08 ) , an iiicroabo of ; i07,211 within tlio
twelve months , without allowing for im
migration. That is a good solid colony
added to the population every year. Tlio
total number now oxccedn U'j.MiO.OUO , or
six times tlio population of Ireland ,
which was once mm h moro than half
our own. Tlio births of men oxcccd thos-o
of women by 10,411 , so that the dispro
portion between tlio soxcs in favor of
women is duo entirely to emigration and
occupations abroad. But for thuso intervening -
torvoning causes the number of the
Boxes would bo nearly cquul , tlio oxcos-a
of male deaths being moro than fourteen
thousand. At tlio present rate of in-
erenso the population of England and
Wales will in 1070 bo at leabt sixty mill
ions rather u formidable prospect if it
were certain that the rates will keep
btoudy. There is , howctor , uo cor-
taluty of the kind.
A LOT OF LITTLE LAUGHS ,
Straws Gleaned Prom tlio World's ' Harvest
of Wit and Humor.
IOK THE MEN LOVE GOSSIP TOO.
Idyl of tlio Backyard Fence The Col
onel Called for More A True
Prohibitionist Terrible Priva
tion Honesty Kc warded.
SomereHlc Journal ,
Two women leaned over the backyard fence
( The same old fence ) ns the sun went down ,
While each told the other , in confidence ,
The scandals she'd gathered around the
town ;
For women must gossip , or they can't
sleep ;
Their idea is that secrets weren't made to
keep ;
So they lean on the fence in the gleam
ing.
Two women sat on the front-door stoop ,
In the evening glow , ns the sun went down.
They told how their children had skipped the
croup ,
And they sneered at the minister's wife's
now gown.
For women delight in a friendly chat ,
Without it their lives would bo stale and
Hat ;
SoXlioy sit ofl the stoop in the gloaming.
Two husbands caino homo from the baseball
game
( From the office , they said ) , as the sun went
down ,
Both ready and eager to hear the same
* Sweet scandals their wives hud hunted
down.
For men , though they work , love gossip ,
too
And that's why their wives seek some
thing now ,
As they meet and talk iu the gloaming.
Tlio Misfortune of Ijivlng in .Forney.
Jewelers' Weekly : .Torsoy Ulty Jeweler
I am unable to understand why I have been
subpa-naed , What have I done to bo dragged
beforothis Investigation committee )
Chairman Senate Committee \Vo have
heard an intimation that you ottered special
inducements on repeaters Just befoio the last
senuto election.
Took MiH Ih'Ki-oo Karly.
White-side (111. ( ) Herald : Fred-Say ,
Cholly , old boy , I never understood why it
is that even-body calls you Doef
Chni bo-Why , when I was sixteen years
old 1 killed a man ,
Fred Purposely ?
Clmillc O no , accidentally same as n
regular practitioner.
Terrililo Privation.
Chicago Tribune : "I rec'lect very well , "
said the venerable man , "when the high
water at Paducah In 'II ' kept mo a prls'nor
fur three days on the ridgepole of a barn. "
"What did you live on , grandfather , " in
quired ono of iho Interested littlu auditor- } .
"All them three days , children , " said the
aged Kentuekiau , shuddering at the recollec
tion , "I lived on water. "
not it.
Detroit Free Press : "My pa is sick and ho
sent tno for sumo tobacco , " said a llttlo girl on
( Jrand Kiver avenue.
"Smoking. "
"No ; ho eats it. "
"Do you know the brand i"
"No , sir , but it's the kind they use when
they spit all over the parlor carpet because
they are too lazy to spit out of the window. "
Ho gave her plug.
Purely OlrtMimslinitial.
Cornhlll Maga/lno : Prisoner was being
trial for murder ; evidence against him purely
circumstanllul ; paitof it a hat found near
ttio scene of the crime ; an ordinary louiid ,
black hat , but buurti to as tlio prisoner's.
Counsel for th defense , of i nurse , made
nun h i f the ccmiiKiniicBi * of the but " \ou ,
( mitk'iiic-n mi doubt oaih < f you , possess
suck a hat , of the must urdiuar } muku uud
shape. Beware how you condemn a fellow
croat 1110 to a shameful death on such a picco
of evidence , " and so on. So the man was ac
quitted. Just as ho was leaving the dock ,
with the most touching humility and sim
plicity , ho pulled his hair and said : "If you
please , mo lord , may 1 'avo mo "uti"
The Hotter Hand.
Washington Post : "Did you hab a 'eltin1
gamnlas' night ! "
"On'y played ono hand. "
"What break up de iestivities ? "
"Dar was § 7 on de table and I had thrca
kings. " V"
' Berry good full a stabler. "
"And Mr. Jenkins hcl' up cyads. "
"Promisin1. "
"Shoh. An' I drew anuddah king. "
"An' won do poll"
"No. "
'What did Jenkins drawl"
' Er i\uer. "
The ItiKht Ivlnd of Decoration.
Jewelers' Weekly : T. Ammaiiy want
sliver wine service to present to ono of ttio
faithful workers of the party.
Silversmith What style of decoration3
T. Ammany I'll leave all that to you.
Silversmith I suppososomothing profusely
worked with largo bosses will about suit you ,
will it not )
Honesty Itcwardod.
Detroit Free Press : "I'd like to git trusted
fur about 2 wuth of stuff , " said a colored
man to a grocer on Beaubicn street the other
day."Vou
"Vou I Why , I don't know you , " was tlio
reply.
"But my name Is Thompson. "
"Yes , but being named Thompson is not
enough. "
"Hul Don I'll fetch yo ober fo'teen people
to prove dat J'so gwino to move away to SagInaw -
Inaw next week ! "
The grocer gave him a pound of codfish for
his honesty.
The Innocent ntaidoii'H Great Sc
PhiladelphiaTimes : ' Are you Mr. Smith ! "
the girl asked , as ho nervously stood at thq
door ; "because if you are Mr. Jones , or All' .
Brown , or Mr. White , or Mr. Green , or any
of the other gentlemen , film's ' not at homo ;
but if you're Mr. Smith she Is at homo. "
"I am Mr. Smith , " ho answered , and his
faro could have given the sun u thousand
points and beaten it for brightness.
"To think , " ho ( .aid to himself , as ho
waited iu the parlor , "that she lias chosen mo ;
out of so many devoted admirers. How she
must love me. "
And Unit night she told her mother in
eonlldeneo that the many lovers racial hail
worked beautifully and that Augustus hiul
proposed.
-
I'Viiiliiino Tlirnstand Reply.
Boston Saturday ( ia/alto : Seated in a
street car near two sweet young things , who
were full of the beautiful ingenuousness c.f .
girlhood , the following portion of their < oil'
vernation reached mo :
"O Amy , I have a frightful rip in my rul
ing habit and forgot to huvu it mundeil ' ( , < ml
mo yours tomorrow , will voul"
"Yes , indeed , dear. " ( With emphasis and
the utmost sweetness , ) "But J'ni awfully1
afraid you'll llml it too tight ; 1 var a
twenty-ouo corset , you know. "
"Yes. " ( A Blight hut very impressive
pause ; "I think , peihims , 1 ciin ( jet It together -
gethor , though ; 1 wear a nineteen. "
It WLIS clean cut a.s the Rtroku of a ru/or ;
beautifully given and beautifully t.ikfii.
Both faces preserved their calm ami pl.uiU
expression , u new toplo of conversation w.t-j
htai ted almost instantly , and I leauecl luc It
in my comer snd marvelled at my own .1 n.
Found a Hold U'nloli In a Tree.
Within the dcrayuil trunk of an old
trco which was c-tit down In FnirliHd
township n few duyH ii o were found u
gold watoh anil ring" of old-tinm stjlo
and black witli nfjo , bays a Hridgutnn
special to tlio Philadelphia 1'ronrt. Uti
the rliiK were the Initiate .1. / . S. and
the date 1M)1. ) It IB bulioved that these
articles were placed in the trueby ft
flbliorniun by the naino of HhaivH , who
luingcil hinmulf in u barn In the early
part of the prohont century. Thouiti *
i-k'i , woru in u , tin box , which was full ol
imliH i uiihcil by runt. Letters w < * ri u HO
found in tlio box , whieh drujipi.il UitO
upon belli ; ; dutuuhud ,
