1(5 ( TUB OMAHA DAILY BEE SUNDAY , APRIL , 20. 1890.-SIXTEEN PAGES.
m mOn
H
.THIS IS NOT ALL.
To everybody in need of a dollop's worth of Furniture , Carpets ,
Stoves , &c. , we wish to say a word : Call and inspect our MAGNIFI
On Moncl.i } April 21 ( To-morrow ) we make the most CENT STOCK AND LOW PRICES , and you will not buy elsewhere.
generous oiler to the people of Omaha and vicinity ever Pay no attention to grumbling and discontented imitators of us.
made by an ) business house in this city.Vc propose to "We Always Lead Never Follow.
,
give away to our customers
5000 yards Brussels Carpets - . . . f This week 6oc ; sold elsewhere for $1.00
4000 yards Ingrain Carpets This week 22c ; sold elsewhere for < joc
615 pairs Lace Curtains This week $1.50 ; sold elsewhere for $3.00
470 best quality Smyrna Rugs This week $1.75sold ; elsewhere for $3.25
114 Baby Carriages This week $5.00 ; sold elsewhere for $8.5o
As a substantial recognition of the hearty and liberal pat 466 Hardwood Refrigerators This week $5.oo ; sold elsewhere for $8.r > o
ronage we hac always received at their hands. 52 Folding Beds (52 ( different styles ) . . . . This week $22.00 ; sold elsewhere for $37.50
229 Bed Room Suites ' . . . . " . This week $12.00 ; sold elsewhere for $ i8.5o
FIRST GRAND PRIZE One beautiful Plush Parlor 37 Ilardwood Wardrobes r This week $7.5o , sold elsewhere for $ i2.5o
Set Value 21 Antique Side Boards This week $12.00 ; sold elsewhere for $20.00
85 assorted Center Tables This week 95c ; sold elsewhere for $2.00
SECOND GRAND PRIZE One elegant Cheval Oak 45 Plush Parlor Suites This week $22.00 ; sold elsewhere for $ . | o.oo
Chamber Suite Value 90 Bed Lounges ' . . . . . . This week $9. 25 ; sold elsewhere for $16.00
THIRD GRAND PRIZE One handsome Oak 12f ) Reed Rockers This week $ i.5o ; sold elsewhere for $3.00
board Value 25 .Cook. . Stoves. , This week $9.25 ; sold elsewhere for $14. 0
5oo Cane Chai.rs This week 65c ; sold elsewhere for $ i.25
FOURTH GRAND PRIZE One Celebrated Family Universal Kitchen Safes This week sold
145 $3,35 ; elsewhere for $6.00
versal Cook Stove ' Value 186 Gasoline Stoves This week .
$5.75 ; sold elsewhere for $8.00
FIFTH GRAND PRIZE One fine Oak Book Case , 56 Toilet Sets . This wcqk $1.85 ; sold elbc\\here for $3.00
Value $25 ALL OTHER GOODS AT EQUALLY LOW PRICES.
SIXTH GRAND PRIZE One solid Oak ' eight-foot Extension r i m- > . .
'
tension Table. . . ; . . " . . . . ' . ' . . . . Value
SEVENTH GRAND PRIZE One Gorgeous Plush Oak
15
Rocker Value Terms
EIGHTH GRAND PRIZE One fine Decorated Stand
To Suit All
Lamp Value This Week.
$1O worth of goods
Carpets Sowed and $1 a week or $4 a
All of the above Prizes are now displayed in our Show Windows Laid this week free month.
ofchnrgo. $30 worth of floods
The conditions under \\hich these gifts will be distributed will be as follows : To 81 60 H week cr HG !
All Pipe Gratis with a month.
every customer purchasing goods at our store between Stoves this week :
$ 30 wcrth of floods
Springs and Mnt- $2 a week or $8 a
Monday , April 21st , and Friday , July 4th , 1890 , tresses jjivon with month.
every Chamber Suit S9O worth of goods
We will give away ONE TICKET -WITH EACH PURCHASE OF $1O $35 and ovor. $2 a month. 5O a week oiifclp
WORTH OF GOODS , each and every ticket entitling the owner to a chance in An extra rookor free $125 worth of pro Hit ]
Our Grand Prize Drawing for the above Valuable Presents. The with Suit. every Parlor 83 a w.olc . o $12 a
drawing to take place at our store on Saturday , July 5th , 1890 , between the hours of 7 month.
Curt in Poles given $250 worth of Kooda
and 9r ? m. , and to be conducted-fairly and openly by responsible and disinterested away -with every 85 a weak cr $2O a
parties. All holders of tickets respectfully invited to attend. pair of lace curtains month.
P. S. No tickets will be issued to any one except those purchasing goods between fe ( g fe ( g fe fe
the above dates.
PAINTED LIFE AS HE SAW IT ,
The Stem Determination of Millet , the
Painter of "Tho Augclus. "
THE AKTIST ON THE STEEETS OF PARIS
Ills StrugKle wltli Poverty His Perse
cution liy li .Jurli-N Who Sought
"IMcturos ol' tin ; Times" to
IMoase tlic People.
[ Tlio follow IIIK is tlio second Installment In
asiTlesof iirllclcH. liy youiik' ladles of tliii
Haorod Ili-nit uuailcmy , I'.irk I'liiee. Inthis
elty. on "Millet mill Tl.o AiiKc-liis. " ' 1" tll.r" |
and last contribution of the tiilijoct will uo
published In Tin. HUB on Sunday nu\t. |
The grc.it capital inspired the young Nor-
innn with terror only. Its crowded streets
bewildered him ; Its nisliiiij ? life left him bo-
hlnd aghast ; its presence was , nt times , berne
in upon him HUe u terrible night-marc , from
which ho must sturt up in sheer desperation
and uwuko to hear tlio fumlllnr voice of the
sea repeating that uutuio is vast and God is
peace. *
At "L1 ecolo des Beaux Arts" ho felt him-
Bolf out of harmony with everything , but at
the Louvre , with Mniitegua and Michael
Angelo , ho know ho was among friends and
there his soul found rest. His master Paul
Dclurocho , was the giv.it man of the Parisian
urt world. The son of 11 lich man , nlwajs
successful as an uitlst , lauded : is the priuco
of historical painters , holding a kind of dic
tatorship In the schools , there wns between
him and his new pupllhaidly a foot of ground
in common Ho piitfessed that he could not
understand this "wild man of the woods , "
ns his fellow students dubbed the young rus
tle.
tle."Go your own way , Millet , " said the great
master. "You aio such an oddity to mo that t
can Imvo nothing to say to jou , and could
have nothing to teach you ! "
In fact , ho was light ; If a student were
bound to paint potatoes , what could ho le.irn
from tin liibtructor born to paint princes !
Dclarocho grasped the tragedies of "Ladv
limo Gray's IXecutlon , " "Mailo Antoinette's
Death Sentence , " "Ninwleoii's Abdication , "
but not tlio dramas of lux ) and sp.ule , washtub -
tub and milk-pall. Vet. ho .saw and valued
the talent he could not direct , and when the
poor young peasant , hardly able to keep soul
und body together , wtw about to withdraw
from inability to pay the customary fees ,
Delaroclio refused to hear of money , nnd was
more i emlj to supply it than to demand it.
One hope there was for the needy Norman.
His future would bo secure If ho could win
the "Prix do Koine , " ti prize which bestows
on the successful competitor the means of
pursuing a complete course In the ICternal
city , and with every advantage. Millet
worked for it desperately , patiently , marvelously -
ously , but always In Ids own Hue.
One day Dclarocho said to him :
"You want the Prix do Homo ! "
"That Is whv I am competing for it , " re
plied Millet wfth stern brevity.
"it is useless , my friend , " responded the
muster. " 1 will not scud In your name at all.
Itoux Is my choice. Hut , stay on and work.
Next year your chance may come. "
Could Dclarocho comprehend what this
meant to tlio heart sick tollerl Simply des
pair , or whatever was nearest to despair. It
ulso meant leaving Dohuvol o forever. Olio
must live , though It bo In a threadbare coat ,
und on scant bread and bad wlno.
A modest little studio was opened In the
Hue do 1'Kst , bearing the names of Millet and
Marollc.s ills comrade was 0110 of the few
heaity friends miido among the "glided
youth" that surrounded Delarocho's easel
Millet had talent and Marolles money , though
the talent , In this partnership , was an ever-
plus ait compared to the money. The alliance
was wine , for each supplemented the other ,
undthilr affection was slncero and lasting.
Mai-Dili * looked up , with admiration and pity
blende ) , to the ftllcat , grave , austere provin
cial , oo jxKir , HO unbending , so gifted ; and
Millet was chewd nnd softened by the brll-
lUnt young I'miilun , MO witty , merry , warm-
tirartrd uud free * Imnded Had things fallen
tut o't nu-io Mllk-t could not likve lived ,
oven fi om hand to mouth , for the hand would
have found nothing to put into the mouth
Pictures ho did indeed paint , imitations of
Watteau , whom ho loathed ; copies of
Houcher , whom ho despised portraits of any
body who would give him ten francs for a
likeness. These were to pay the baker and the
landlord. Meanwhile he was conscientiously
laboring over two works which ho liopnl
might bo worthy of the salon ( annual exhibition - ,
tion ) . Ho offered them in is 10. One was re
jected ; the other was accepted-ill-hung , un
noticed , unsold. The iion entered his .soul.
Hound Palis were not made for each other.
He was .stilling for fresh air , for family sym
pathy , for noble truth. lie found them all ,
oneo more , in Normandv. Settling at Ore-
ville , and , later , nt Cherbourg , ho did some of
his best work in his native air. Nothing can
bo liner than the portraits of the household
saint , the old grandmother , and on none other
did ho ever spend moro pains , for , ho said , ho
\7iintcd "to show his grandmother's soul ! "
Another achievement of this period was his
"Sallow Mending a Hull , " a momoPy of Cher
bourg. How faithfully Millet clung to his
mission is emphasi/ed by the fact that.though
ho made his tlrst studies in Cherbourg , and
accomplished much of his later work there ,
ho was never tempted to put on canvas the
splendor of travel or military pageantry.
Stars , swords , uniforms had no charm for
him ; but man drew Ills eye and moved his
hand , man , in common types and common
garbs , working out the divine sentence :
' Thou shall earn thy bread in the sweat of
thy brow. " Man , so laboring , seemed to him
Invested with u purpose and a dignity , which
it was the ofllco of art to reveal to the rich
and the Idle.
"In Sllonoi' and in Sorrow. "
It was In ISIt that the young aitist , having
nothing for an income , naturally thought of
sharing that revenue with a wife. Ho found
her in Cherbourg , mid loved her because she
was modest , fair und virtuous. Hut the union
brought little happiness. A poor man's wife
needs health , thiift , courage , and joyous
spirit. Young Madame Millet was always
feeble , usually 111 , and , consequently neither
cheerful nor helpful. It was her poor hus
band's ' deep regret that his poverty denied
him the consolation of giving her such com
forts nnd delicacies ns her health required
and his own heart prompted. IIo could never
recall this period without poignant anguish.
When death took her from him after three
years , the excess of his sorrow bore witness
to the dentil of his tenderness. It
was nt this very time that ho at
tained his llrst public success bv
the "Mllkwomau" and "Hiding Lesson. "
A little clique of generous artists begun to
form a party in his favor , and sought him out
at Cherbourg or ( irevillo. It was at Cher
bourg once moro , thnt he found a wife. His
second choice was wiser than his Jlrst. Cath
erine Lematre was woithy of her husband ,
and In her courage mid fidelity ho met the
true sympathy and strong support which his
life had hitheito lacked. He had gathered up
IMK ) francs at Cherbourg , and with a sum
which sccmett to him a little fortune , ho
t routed Catherine and himself to u small
pleasure trip , by visiting Havre on his wavto
Paris. Some of his pictures were exhibited
there by friendly artists , mid n little gleam of
sunshlno fell on his rough path.
The very thought of Pails saddened him.
He had but one wish in connection with It ,
nnd that was to get away from It. Ho re
turned to It reluctantly , and entered on u road
of sorrows. Ills "St. Jerome" wns lojectcd
by the exhibition. Ho had expended
vast pains nnd much time on it , and
ho showed the despairing acceptance
the Judgment against it , und at tlio same
time manifested his poverty by painting u
now picture over it for lack of more canvas !
The study that occupied the place of the of-
faced"St. Jerome , " was " ( Kdlpus Unbound. "
It only drew down on hlmii storm of hostile
criticism. There wns a homo-life to organize
in a Paris attic , and as time went on there
was n growing fiunllj to puovido for , and on
nil sides poveity , failure , debt , condemna
tion ! Hut his wife , vigorous , cheerful , lov
ing , held him up. by her very trust , us If by
a strung arm , and the little ones , If they were
a bunion nnd nu anxiety , were ulso u comfort
und a joy. Moreover , the devoted circle of
artist-friends not only loved him , but bo-
lleved In him. "It was their fulth In me , " ho
sulil In Inter yean , , "that guvo mo fulth in
myself Ufiu , Touuienii and other men of
iimik , npprecliited nnd uldcd him , but the
dentvit and most intimate of these commdtfs
wns IheodoreKoUbScau , himself apre-ciulu < < t
landscape painter , who.so wotfc shows moro of
the influence of Turner
Uinn that of unv
other I'Yeneh nitist. Another faithful irien'd
was Alfred bensier , to whom the world now
owes all it knows of Millet's life , umplo de
tails being supplied by his "Vie et oeuvres do
Millet. " Dining the poor artist's lifetime ,
bensier was his visible providence , and , after
denth , his sympathetic and accurate biogra
pher.
The revolution of Fcbniniy , ISls- , which
sent Louis Pllillippo ns nn exile into England
nnd established u now republic , brought
about Intense suffering among the unem
ployed working clnsess of Paris. Ledra Hol-
Hns , whom Victor Hugo had lulled the "tiib-
uno of the February revolution , " made him
self the protector and advocate of the labor
movement In the now cabinet ho held the
portfolio of minister of the interior and pre
sented measures designed to compel the na
tion to glvo employment to the st irving popu
lace. It was to this statesman , in the brief
day of his power , that Millet's friends ap
pealed in behalf of n struggling man of genius
whoso pictures had been all devoted to the
representation of labor. Ledril' ' Hollius at
once bought "Tho Winnowers" which
hail found a place , but not a purchaser
nt the exhibition. Moreover , the minister
ndvnncod other sums on commissions for pic
tures. Five hundred francs foe "TJie-Winnow
ers , " nnd the commission funds on trust , m
all less than WOO , seemed a small fortune to
the the painter whoso "Augelus" is today
valued at H 1(1,0001 ( I
Feeling himself to bo-.u rich iivm , nnd
thnnlclng God nnd blessing the "fiiend of
labor , " Millet quitted Paris at n permanent
homo forever. Ho was happy to follow the
example of Kousscuu and a few other sympa
thetic friends , finding with them u country
homo , very small , very poor , but very cheer
ful , almost under the shadow of Fontutnc-
blcnu's magnificent onks , Pence , a great sky ,
n vast forest and artistic companionship
opened ii now era.
Till ! I'IpllJ of
" ( athoiliiK fioin tin ) p.ixomcnt's uiovk-o , as a
Ilimci of the Mill ,
The nobility of labor , and the Ion ; , ' nedl.'ieo
of toll ! ' *
Just before this period , Millet had been do
ing veritable diudgery , simply to keep the
wolf from the door , after selling elr.iw-in s for
a franc apiece ! A scvero criticism on Ids
work , which ho overheard at a .shop window
where ono of his pictures- was displayed for
sale , roused him by its truth , while It stung
him by Its Injustice. From that moment ho
resolved to bo true to his own inner convic
tions , como what might. Ho wrote to Scu-
sler that ho gave up , once and for all , the
mythological , the undrapcd , ami whatever
might bo taken to represent the "spirit of the
times. " Ho submitted the resolve to his
wife1 , and it received her sanction , though
she knew it might mean dlro .struggle and
abject want. Henceforth his biush
was consecrated to the holv task of
showing forth this great truth : That labor
and laborer , unldeali/ed , strndlng out In the
grandeur of their urinal conditions , Imvo a
beauty , a majesty and a religion of their own ,
before which mcio sentlmeutaUsiii fades as
"doth the greater glory dim the less. " '
Mlllot's now home , a three-roomed cottage ,
was at Ilarbbou , on the outskirts of Von-
talaebleau , about forty miles from 1'arl.s.
Thcro he found the open air life ho loved and
without which ho sullocatcd. Thcro wore
the giant lives that for very reverence ho al
most feared to p.ilat. "I don't know , " ho
wrote to Heiibler , what those great fellows ,
the trees , am saying to one another , but I
know they say something , and we cannot un
derstand It simply because \\a don't Know
their language ! "
Hut , alas , neither the pure atmosphere , nor
the divine calm , jivlthcr friendly neighbor
hood nor cheery cottage could bring success.
And , with no success , uo money ! And
with no money , no security for
oao day's happiness Debts grow , and
though Houssean and Scasler offered
ready purses , troubles augmented und hope
diminished. Km- the artist would not paint
the popular kind of picture , and the world
would gibe and mil , and not buy ! Ho still
stood on the same ground ho had occupied la
Dclarochl's btudlo , when his comrades , ex
postulating with him , had received , for all
answer :
"What do I carol I didn't como here to
please any of you' Havel objected to your
ilgures , mudo of butter and hone. ) i I will
puint llfo ns I .seo It , and 1 will paint the kind
of life that Ida see , "
When his "Wood-Cutter and Heath" was
rejected by the salon Jury , hebuld. "They
think they can foice me into their drawing-
room art , and they fancy that , in the pud.they
will break my spirit ! No , no1 Never ! I
was born a peasant , and a peasant I will die !
I will paint thin < rs.is ! they show themselves
to mo ; 1ill hold my ground and not re trout
one sabot length 1"
I flic must stiino. or do "pretty work , "
why then , in God's name , he would starve.
Uut there wore otherto starve with him.
Ah. theio \\iis his mnrtyidom ,
and theio wns his wife's cnmn.
She comprehended it all , iuid she held his
hand faithfully , and Dattlod with lifo lor tin-
sake of the loved ones. Hut it was hard , it
was terrible. No wonder the thought of .sui
cide sometimes came to Millet ; but it was only
u thought , and Sensicr tuilj obsencs that
"between the though t mid the deed there wns n
whole world which Millet would ne\er hnvo
cros-ed. " * No God was in His sky , nnd
fulth opened thnt sky to-.lcan Francois Mil
let und sent ono clour ruy down into the dark
est hour of n dark journey.
From 181 ! ) to IS.-)0 Millet painted some of
his most characteristic works. They forma
complete epic of toll , in many books , with
mnny arguments , n hidden plot und n supiemo
conclusion indicated rather than unfolded.
They are the epitome of dully needs , daily
tasks , daily prayers , dally hopes. What sig-
iilllcunco lies intheir verV dates ! The mili
tary pyrotechnics by which Louis Napoleon
strove to da//lo Franco , threw no reflection
on Millet's-sober palette.
The year of the coup cl' ctnt , 18.VJ , Millet ox-
hlbltel "A Girl Sewing" nnd "A
Man Preparing the Soil. " In ISM the
trumpeting and sword clashing year of the
Crimean war , ho offered his "Picture of the
Old Cliuich of Griville , " u memory of Nor
mandy. In 1S.V.I , when the Austrian war left
behind it the icd fields of the Solferino nnd
Magenta , he presented to a imtlou clai'iering
ever military triumphs , "Tho Angelns , " a
plain , honest man , n simple , modest ynung
\\oman , pausing , on Satuiday night , over the
potato basket to iepe.it some old prayer ,
while a church bell rings In the distance. It
gives the argument in brief , and casts into
this sacred form , ns u remembrance of his
child ; work , which deals with earth ; prajer ,
which deals with heaven 1
KcImpenlmiii'r'H
The lust thoughts of Arthur Schopen
hauer hnvo boon found in u note book
in tlio Hotel d'Aiiglotorro , tlio hotel
where ho died on b'optombor , 1M0. !
Some of the maxims uro oharneteriHtic.
Fiir example , ho snys : "Faeh nation
hriH but one great jioet itn llrnt. I sot
little Htoro by u novoliHt who doey not
love evil for TtH own salco. When you
miiko u now frii-Jid think of the future
onoiny who imalready in him. Not ono
of the tortumi of tlio inquisition Is
equivalent to.thnlof doubt ; It is lifelong.
A really freoranun would bo a inonutor.
If I dared to pminulgulo a cede it would
pass but onojMintunco for all crimes :
Live , wrotehl" And the punishment
would bo too i inhuman. Everything
lias boon Hiingv Everything lias been
cursed. There is nothing loft for poetry
hut to ho thut glowing forgo of words.
Style HxlmloHiUio odor of the -oul. In
thl.s ago of nuuiliines I expect ono that
will keep
The IUHIIII In DliiiiloiulN.
The oxtraorrtuiary rise in tlio prii'o of
diamonds , in many cases * ever oO per
cent , in exciting considerable attention.
Hoth in Antwerp and Amsterdam hov-
oral thousand cutters uro out of work , us
most merchants llnnly doc-lino nny deal
ings at the present prohibitive rate.
The truth in that a powerful b.uidicato
has uttainod till May Ifi tlio oxc-lualvo
right ever all stones found in South
Africa , and KB inoinboi-s are com-o-
quently able to regulate prices at will.
It IH doubtful , however , whether unv
considerable pecuniary advantage will
accrue from the transaction , for the diamond
mend wyndicate already llndn Itsflf over-
ludoii with niercliaiulls-i' which It IH ut-
torlv unable to dispose ) of. A few clays
ago It was forced to make nak-s at a sac-
rilic.0 , so that if bii i-r maintain their
present attitude * dianiondn will MMHI bo
in procurable at their 1101 wal rate.
TII/lH/MITn IV 1 IfllTTMl 1MMAT
IHOKilIlS IN LIUIILR YLIN ,
Stray Shots by the Wits at the Tollies and
Foibles of tie Day.
THE VOTE WAS FROM HIS WIFE.
A lvn 11 tildes ol' a Kiirou'an | Tour The
Cat \Vnsii't ( Jiiilly A ( Juc-Htloii
of HtrcMiKlIi Is Court cons
to Evorjoiic * .
Lowibton Journal : There is no mis
taking the political bias of a certain little
tlo nii.ss who'-o father had served two
terms in the Maine legislature , She
wont on a visit to n relative in Old town
not long since , accompanied by a lady.
Arriving late in tlio evening at Uncle
Kbon'tf , the young politicianbeing much
faliguptl , w'ishtMl to retire early and
urged hoi ; compans-on to go with her.
"No.1 .said the lady , " [ must sit up until
Uncle Kben has prajorH. " '
tkl'niyors , " ejaculated the amazed little
tlo one , "does Uncle Kben pray ? Why ,
I thought ho was a democrat ! "
AVIiat "Cliook. "
Detroit Free Press : "Well , I'll ho
hanged ! " ho gasped , as ho sat on the
window sill in the postolllco yesterday
witli an open letter in his hand.
"What's the matter' : " ' queried the
friend with him.
"Why , I advertised for a lady corre
spondent not oxer twenty-live lively
brunette pr.ef.orioil. Heio is my llr t
answer. "
"Any name signedV"
"Yen , 'Maude'hut I know the writing.
It's my own wife's hand , and she is a
blonde , very dull , nnd over forty years
old , -Just think of her cheek in answer
ing such an ad ! No wonder our tex has
lost its confidence in women. "
They HenuMiincreil tlio It Ivor.
Detroit Free Press : They were two
girls who had "doita Yuriip , " and as
they waited for the curtain to go up at
tlio matinee ono of thorn said :
"Oh , Maggie , they say that the Mis
sissippi river is going to drown thous
ands of folkyi"
"Is it possible ! 'Wo have seen tlio
Mississippi river , haven't woV
"Of course. "
' Where was it ? "
"Why , Maggie ! "
"Uut wo saw so much , you Know. "
"Yes ; but how could you eve" , ever
forget how that railroad bridge at I'ilts-
burg almost gave way ami plunged lib
into the awful , awful Mississippi. "
Culinary Sagacity.
Boston Heacon : Mr. Nowoomo.Mary ,
loll the cook to hurry up with those
oggn. She has bad time to cook them ,
surely.
Mary Please , sir , cook says bho don t
know when tlioy'\u been in three min
utes.
utes.Mrs. . Nowcomo Why , haven t you u
clock in tlio kitchen ?
Mary Yes , ma'am ; hut cook bays as
it's lifteen niinute.s too slow ,
Scclni ; Is I
llaekot : Little Viola Mamma , won't
oo turn up an' sit uld mo till I dit asleep ?
Mamma Mamma's busy , darling , and
can't come nuw. Uun back to bed , pet ,
tlio angels are with . \ < > u.
Viola flat's wut oo said before , mam
ma , but do angles didn't bhow up an' 1'a
lonesome.
Hi- Unit neon There.
Light Ml til Uubhingtun ( romantic
ally ) TIow the stars twinkle tonight ,
Mr. PlayhoiisL'l Would jou not like to
bo tlio being who rules them ? Would
, \ou not love to ha\c charge of their
movements ?
Mr. Playhouse fa manager ) Not
much ! J'vo had the management of n
good many star- . , and they're hard
things to take care of.
Tlic Kit-lit Spirit.
Detroit Free Pess : Visitor Your'o
getting to bo a pretty old man , Undo
Joshua.
Uncle .loiluui Highly years.
Visitor And you don't have to use
glasses yet , [ umleistanil.
Undo Joshua No , an" i don't ever cal
culate to. When I can't drink outen a
bottle , I'll take a clipper an' drink water.
at lli < Fads.
Philadelphia Record : Census Knur-
monitor Any children ?
Housekeeper One son.
( ' . K. Male or female ?
II. 1C. Male.
< ' . H. Ago ?
II. 1C. Ten months
( . ' . 10. Married or single ?
If. 1C. Single.
U. M That's all. Thanks.
Tlio Question Is Unanswered.
Mnusoy' Weekly : "You are author
ity on feats of strength , I believe ? " re
marked a stranger to the sporting edi
tor.
tor.The
The latter bowed and replied :
"What can I do for jou ? "
"I wish you to toll mo which is tlio
stronger , the female shoplifter or the
woman who holds up a train ? "
Tlio Kij-lit Ono.
New York Sun : -"The cat eats all the
milk.
"Jitl JQU see her ? "
' No ; ,1 oh nny told mo she dlil.1
"Don't touch tlio cat ; go and catch
Johhny for me. "
Xo Doubt About It.
Man with blank bookto ( large , cross
eyed woman at door ) I am tlio census
taker. I wish to see the head of the
family ,
Voice ( from the inside room ) II m !
H'ml Ahem.
Largo , cross-eyed woman ( peremptor
ily to owner of voice ) Keep that eracllo
goin , James. ( To census takorJ Go
ahead with your questions , sir.
The Unattainable.
Life : She There , haven't I sharp
ened that lead pencil right ?
Ho Y-o-s.
She And I can throw a stone
straight , can't I ?
Ho Y-c-s , my clear.
She Well , then ! I should like to
Imvo you tell mo something else a
woman can't do.
Ho I only know ono thing , my clear ,
and Unit is to tell a. conundrum without
Forgetting either tlio question 01tho
answer.
Kiijilcl
Ilurlliigton Free Press : Dumpeoy I
say , Popinjay , doesn't joung Pretlyboy
grow cm you the moro jou sro of him ?
PopinjayWeil , yes , I suppose lie
cloed. The fact is , he is engaged to my
daughter , and gets moro than half of
hie > mealb at my house now.
AVhiiTThT Woulil Do.
Atlanta Constitution : "What would
von do , asked a pompous man of a little
fellow win ) bad been bold enough to dis
pute his Aonl In an argument , "if you
liacl as much sense asl'\o got ? "
"I'd goat once and look for more , "
was the startling reply , "before what J
liacl died for want of society. "
Coiirteoiin to i\cry : Our.
Lowlston Journal A ntuitelling
friend of the editor Is very particular in
instructing his children to speak politely
on all occasions. Tlio result of histoach-
ings is M > niolimus amusing. Tins wan the
case one day last week when be was put
ting ( he youngest of four llnoiigh hit )
preparatory course. The question was
aed | : ' 'Who templed Kve ? " '
The little fellow , after a moment's
thought , with an air of conllih nco re
plied : "Its the gentleman who lives in
hell ; I've forgotten his name. "
.Maybe Her I'Vot Weren't Pretty.
Lewiston Journal : The woman ,
who left orders Ihat she bo * ? tf
torrccl in a robe that she wiuildnToo
ashamed of at the rossum H ion could
appreciate the fuelingsof a manor whom
the Greenwood corresponileiil of the
Oxford Democrat tolls the following
story : "A woman died in po > r circum
stances and ono of the neighbors started
out to procure funds fora burial robe.
The lir.st man interviewed was Mr.
Blank , who is not so much noted for
piety as eceentrieily. On hearing lioi ?
story Mr. 15. inquired how much iho
'garment in question would cost.About
M for a long robe , while a short one can
ho had considerable less , perhaps $ V
was the reply. Mr. H. drew out hia
pockothook and handed her a W bill ,
with the remark : 'Here , take this ami
buy the first kind mentioned. I don'6
want to meet that woman in beavuii
with a short robe on. ' "
i.rr into ' -v.
he blbuloua coniutlst takes r liy
toot.
Nobody wants aa occ.in bed m Hie Milt
ilii'iun.
If you would cot up iierusiide to interest
ceitala ablc-bmlicd men , iniiku It a SimtQ
crusade.
C'ollnrs la Queen Kll/abuth'.s time vine iiift
on the neck
The K'lbonmtoilul ' iiuu.stioa Is , ufli r all , a
drlc'Kato dim.
'How uro you comlii ) ; onj" hiijiiiird the
man of Ills wet boots.
Tlio people who disagree with jnu nuve
hnvo any sense anyway.
When Columbus llrst appealed upon the
ho mudo his cgK-.il t.
It does not tnnilin a lepal cdm'utinn to go
into the son-in-law business.
Theio Is very little warmth In tinnnttcu
which the rejected lover lOteixcs.
When Kmersoa said , "IIltc.li your wtiifon tea
a Mar , " did he mean marry an ueticss'
Only the lower limbs of a tree should bo
used in the iiiiiimfattuiu of wooden lejrs.
A mini cua always find fault If bo will , a
woman will always Und fault If she 0,111
A borrowed iiinbivlla is better than fi > O
water shed , iiltliou'h ( not nn honest inoteo
tloa.
TiKht-laeiiiff is possibly entitled to enimlder *
ation as mi economic mc.isuif. It puicntu
waist.
How quick the woi Id Is to detect minilcr *
felt moiiej , while spurious pcoploni-ii. | unuit
t'voryw hoiu !
When a man Is InuiKO' bo takes .1 little ull
llicnt for his ailment. lIoiiKi-p.itlo Kits u
elosoc.ill lit'ie ,
Kdltha 1 woniler way the dudes we.ii onu
e\c-j'l ss Dchomh To prevent su mir murO
tnim they am uhlo to coinpiehi'iid.
The man who whlHtli-H all the lime iHp'iirr *
ally of ached fill disposition lilinselt , lul hi }
mitlies the whole milghboihooil sad.
The foot that rocks the ciiullo
Rules In Kuiisim Kclk'i'iton ,
For the mayor , Mrs. Kelley ,
Hits a brand-new luhy son.
HutlcrMr. . TlniUlns Is below , sir , Hindi 1
tell him vim are out. Mr. .loins Ycsl
( Abide. ) I wl > 0i 1 could NCO him tumouow
Hatler to Mr. Tlmklns Mr Jones Is out , ap ? }
bat says ho would Jlljott neo jou tomorrow
"Owlnjf to the crowded stiito of our iU
minis this week. " HIIJS aTojtim cilllor , " \ ran
an ; compelled cither to uln-lilijo our KumpciuVi
dispatches or omit iilioxothcr the account ut
the cM'ltlnK cock llBlit at ( Jrizzly Hnort'a
ranch lust UYilncsiluy. In this uini.-i'Ki.'iic.y I
un IHIVIilei iiled to leave out a portion of the I
mimes of Ilinmun U'H KUIXTHSUI us Cieniuut J
i haiiiTllui It will milM-arln full next wccI4 i
f It busts to chasu in the oflloc. '