THE OMAHA DAILY BEE : SUNDAY , MARCH 23 , 1800.-SIXTEEN PAGES. UNCLE JERRY AND HIS JOKES Sccrotary-RuBk the Best Story Toiler in Washington. READYON ALLOCCASIONS One nn the Wool TnrlfT \ Match With Garflshl Ho Hnt on the " .Mm Dually" CoiiRrcmmiin. Our Undo Jerry. tCiip/i-/u/it | / / 18J5. li\i \ Frank O. Girjionfrr.1 WASIIIXOTOX , March UO. [ Special to THE 13in.J : A Rlantof sixty stooJ In tbo Ebbltt houno lobby last nl hu HU big form tow ered ixbovo these surrounding tilti ) and a tall , rusty black allb hat in ad a his six foot two com still tailor. From under his hat a licavymanoof silvery white came out , half covcrmc the rosy earn , anil foil behind on Iho collar of a big rougn ox'orconU Holow the front of the hat shone out n pair of bright blun eyes ovorrosychoolo nnd under abroad xvcll- Imped forehead. The loxvor part of the face was covered with n long full board of frosted liver which fell down upon the brond , dccn dies * , of the piant nnd n thick muatucho of flno silver wires luxlf concealed a good > slzod mouth. The glant'a nock xvas framed In n landing collar. Hu grout overcoat xvixs un buttoned nt lha front anil his big hands thrust to tholr xvrlsts into his capacious pan taloon pockets throw It back , displaying to tbo full his Immense form as ho stood thoru i\8 straight ns a LaKO Superior oak and chatted xvlth n knot of Lilliputian congress men. "Ho weighs 2-19 pounds in his bare feet xvltbout a stitch of clothing on him , " ono of his friends had said to me a moment before and as I looked at him I bo- licvcd It. I could see , too , that the llesh was healthy moat , nnd It corresponded xvlth tbc statements that the giant never touched spirituous llijuors nnd never sollol lili silver inUHtochc and beard xvltb the fragrant nice tine. This giant xvas TIII : no.v. jnitEMUit nusi ; the secretary of the Department of Agricul ture nnd the representative of nil the form ers of the United States. Governor Husk Is today ono of the most conspicuous of the publlo tnon nt WantiIng- ton The agricultural community is noxv engrossing the attention of congress. Every oho Is talking of western farm mortgages nnd tbo Noxv England senators nro pushing to the front the abandoned farms of Ver mont nnd New Hampshire. Senator Stan ford is making the bankers Ho axvako nt n I c-ht. nver his Dronosltion for Undo Sain to loan out thu surplus to farmers at 1 per cent nnd Undo Jerry Rusk has again jumped into national prominence. Hit frame Is such that lie Is ablu to bear all iho responsibilities thrust upon him. He has taken up the cause of the fitrmors and ho proposes to add dignity to the department over which ho pre sides. 'Iho nerieultural department building is located in the llncst grounds in Washing ton. It has acres of beautiful ( loxvor beds unu Joe Cunnon ouco utanding at the windows dews In Governor Hunk's ofllco xvhlch look out upon these said to Uncle .lorry : "Well. Jerry , you have a mighty nice place here If you are tha tail of the cabinet. " Governor Husk qulclcly replied : "Well , Cannon , I would like to know xvhat n tall Is for if It is not to look beautiful nnd keep the lllcs olT. " Within the past foxv months Governor Husk has concluded to bo content xvlth boinj ; n tail no longer , or if ho must bo the tall , ho has decided that ho xvill do what ho can to nld In xvugglng the administration dog. Ho Bcrx-ed notice upon Funston , the head of the tiouso committee on agriculture , the other day that ho did not propose to Jmx'o the appropriation for his depart ment this voir nuido out on the old uurcau of ngriculture basis. Ho told him that con- Kress had given the farmers to understand Umt they intended to do something for them tvhcn they raised the bureau ton department , nnd if they could not do so they had hotter repeal the laxv and reduce It to a bureau once more. Ho told Funston that ho pro posed to light for the department of agri culture and that any congressman xvho op posed It would oppose him , and that ho in tended tn take off his coat nnd go into that congressman's district and- stump it against his re-election during the next campaign. "I xvlll shnxv the farmers , " bald Governor Husk , "xvho their trlcnds are. nnd I xvould like to hnx'o you understand that you can't treat mo as though I xvtro a little whining , puOIng toy engine. 1 want you to know that I nm n Great Mogul , xyith eUjht drlx'ers , ' nnd If you follows xvant to buck against mo you can buck , and xve'll sco xvho holds the track. " Governor Husk says that every poxvor in Europe gives moro to insri- culture than xve do- and tluxt during 1SSG Franco nppropriatod eight millions and Aus tria four millions lor agriculture. It is his idea that the ngclculturnl department of the United States should bo organized on n broader basis than that of European coun tries nnd ho U doing all ho can to push it. Governor Husk xvlll fight for it too nnd his record shows that ho is not n blusterer. Ho xvns n brnvo oftlcrr during the xvnr nnd ono of the stock stones about htm Is the romarics of General Moxvor xvho received him utter Ins division hud been cut Into pieces by the unnmy nnd ho out of shot and shall , at Mow er's command c.tmo to his headquarters. As Colonel Husk saluted the general , ho said : " 1 have sent for you because you uro the only man in this nrmy or any other army that I ever suxv who could mm : rcuTiir.it INTO nni.r. than I can and I xvant you to tuko n drink with mo. " " 1 thank you , " suld Colonel Husk , "bnt I can't dn that , as 1 never drink. " "You don't. Well I should line to know lioxv a muh can rldo so far Into hell xvlthout taking n drink , Do you oatl'i ' "Certainly I do , " said Colonel Rusk , "and I hnx'e not had ix litto slnco morning. " The txvo then ate together nmt their friendship continued until Mower's death. The story of hnxv Husk , as governor of AVUconsm , quelled the mou in Milwaukee by ordering the tro'ops "to llro low nnd flro to kill , " is xvcll knownand us I looked ixthltn in the Ebbitt house last night the incident of ills wrestling match xvlth James A. Garflold came to mo nnd I rcsovlcd to settle the ques tion , xvhlch I hnvo never scnn settled In the noxvspapors , xvhlch of the two was the via tor. I asked tno general and ho told mo that the match took placa at Noxvnrk. O. Ho was then thirteen years old , and xvas driving n four-horse stagp , xvhho ( jiirllold xvas n boy leading u mule on the 'canal. "Hassling" ( that Ix the way Gox-ernor Husk pronounced it ) , said ho , "xvas very common In thosu days , unu it xvns the most natural thing In tha xvorld for txvo .young fellows Hko myself nnd Gnrllold to try n ra slo. The result did not affect our friendship , and nil of the boys tried tholr strength m this xvay. " "Hut how did it turn out , govornorlT > said I. "Which xvhippedl" u'i hat I don't like to say , " repllod the sec retary of ngriculture , "and it is hardly a fair question to ask. " "Oh , wull , " I replied , "Oarfleld xvas n very strong man , general , uud you need not bo ashamed of having hud an unsuccessful contest with 11 man of hU calibre. " "Well , " continued the general , laughing , nnd allghtU nutllud nt the thought that ho might 110 bcaton In anything , " 1 will say that I XTUB never downed In a rnsslo until I was txvcnty-txvo , und this happened xvliou I was thlrti-en. I wont say anything about this Gurlleld raislo moro than this 1 xvns n close friend of Gurlleld's from that tune to his death , though I did uot n.cot him again until the opening of the war. When wo xvoro In con Kress together ho used to call tno stage driver and I generally replied that I xvas not ashamed of It , but I thanked tbo Lord that ho hud given mo four horses lo managa in- utoad of condemning mo toateor an inaiBiiltl- cnnt bobtail mule. " Governor ItuiU makes a vary ofilclont secretary - rotary of agriculture. Ho gets down to the department about 0 oVlock evnry mornlue , dlctotCM xvlmt shall bo done xvlth his mall nud remains there attending to business un til 5. Ho posses good exocutlvo ability nnd lias a xvoiuurful memory. As an Instance of thli , last spring a nonutor lubutlttcd about llfteen pages ol manuscript containing a iuc tiou which the department could not then ansxver. In tbo letter accompanying tbo uiauujcnpt tbo senator diked that too pnnor returned to him xvhen the department WM through xvlth them. A foxv xvecks ago the question xvai settled and the ansxver to the senator xvns.vrlttcn and submitted to the secretary. AS ho looking over It ho said : "This Is nil right but you hnvo forgotten to say anything about returning the papers. Ho had dealt xvlth thousand ) of questions In Iho meantime , and this request of the senator's had stuck fast lu his memory. Ho has the poxverof getting at the meat of n question in a moment. Ho can look through n ca < c nndslzo Itupquirkly , und ho Is not nfrald to say what ho thinks. Ono of his prominent traits Is that which Lincoln possessed to tucli a degree of having n Btory TO rn Kvenr OCCASION , nnd nn anecdote for every Illustration. Dur ing the last foxv xx'ccks there has been con siderable discussion bctxvecn the xvool groxv- crs nnd the xvool manufacturers , nnd S. F. D , North , ono of the chief manufacturers of tha country , has boon trying to laydoxvn the laxv as to xvhnt the wool groxvora should have In the xvay of n tariff. Mr. North xvas talking xvllh tno nocretary about this not long ngo nnd Gox-crnor Uusk said : "You make ma think of the three boys each of xvbom had n cent anil xvho clubbed together and bought n cigar. There wore txvo big boys nnd ouo little ono. Ono of the big boys lit the c.'gnr , took a couple of xvhlffs nud then passed it to the other big boy xvho did liko- xvlso nnd passed It back to the big boy No. Ono. The little boy meanwhile looked on xvlth longing cyos nud ni the cigar xvas gradually rmoked down to halt of Its length xx-onderod whether ho xx-as going to hnx-o n smoke at all. At last ho mustered ui > cour age and said : "i'lcasc , sirs , I xvould like to knoxv xvhero I como In ! " "Oh , " said thn biggest boy as ho lustily pulTod out volumes of smoke , ' 'thero nro nt- xvnys txvo clashes of smokers , these xvho smoke and these xvho spit , und you can do the spitting. " "You xvool manufacturers are tbo big boys , " continued the sccrctar.x' , "and you are continually tolling thu growers that they can du the spitting. " Another story describes nn incident xvhlch took plnco In the agricultural department last xvoek. A chief of ono of the divisions had gotten Into trouble xvlth n newspaper man and hud been soundly rated by him In the papers. Governor Husk had seen the statement nnd ho called the man up nnd n ° kcd him xvhul he xvas iroing to do about it. The clerk replied that ho didn't Knoxv xvhat to do nmt Raid to the governor : "Suppose you take the matter up and scttlo it. " "No , sir. " replied Uncle Jerry. "I nm not n fool. U is TOUll TAIt < THAT IS UNDHIl THE OATE and vou'vo got to do the squealing. " If one could haven phonograph worked by perpetual motion In the ofllco of Secretary Husk how many good stories ho might hnvo. Every congressman xvho comes In carries away one or moro nnd not n foxv nro happy or miserable by tholr application. Ono tried to chnft the governor last \vcek and ho stood up before him nnd Raid : "Seo hero. Governor Husk , you don't knoxv mo. I xvant you to understand that I como from the west , and I'm n regular Jim Dandy of a feller. " "Yes , I suppose you nro , " said Undo .Terry as ho arose to his feet in order to toll his story bettor. "You make mo think of the sermon or the minister xvho xvas dis coursing on the xvondors of the Lord's cre- utlon and said that bo made the largo as xvall ns the small things of the universe. Said the preacher : "When God made the mighty ocean , Ho mndu a little uvulet. When ho mudo the sno'.v-c.ipped mountain Ho made a hillock. When ho made that king of boasts , the elephant. Ho made a Hen and xvhen Ho made me. " hero Governor Husk droxv him self up tn his full height nnd stretched out his arms , "Ho made a daisy and I suppose you think you nro the daisy. " When Governor fjusk came back from bis xvestorn trip last fall ho ' called upon Presi dent Harrison at the xv'hlto house und the president asked him the results of his west ern trip. Ho described the agricultural out look , but said nqthing about politics. This xvas at the time that Postmaster General Clarkson xvas cutting oft ofllclal heads at the rate of about txvontv-llvo per minute nnd Commissioner Tanner xvns shoveling out pensions by the bushel. When the pros- Ueut asked Governor Husk as to xvhat hu had heard as to the administration In the xvest , ho replied : "Mr. President. I shall have to toll you the truth. I didn't hear a single opinion expressed about you or the administration , but those follows out there say that Clarkson and Tanner are regular ] lm dandles. " Noxv anil then the conerossmon got rather impatient nbout the non-appointment of their applicants for oflico and ono came to the agricultural department a foxv days ago ns mad as u hornet. Said ho : "I have had this woman's application before you for six weeks nnd I think it ought tn bo good enough to glx-o the girl a place. I have put my name 0:1 it nnd that ought to got her in if nothing else. " "Woll"snid General Huskas ho looked the nngry man in the eye , "I xvlll takn care ot that younc lady's Influence. I tun going to llx that application like the old lady llxed the accounts of her husband. They kcptn coun try grocery nnd the old man chalked up his bills in charcoal on the xvhlto xx-all over the mantel-piece. Ono day the old lady got n clean ing lit and she whitewashed the grocoryput- ting extra brushes over the black marks above the mantol. When hoi-husband came homo ho was horritlca and said : "Why , Mary , you have xvlpod out nil my accounts , but I'll fix thorn , " said ho. "I'll fix them , " nnd xvlth that ho wont out , and Jotted down a number of names on the back collar door , "Noxv , Mary , " said ho , "I've put my accounts on tbo collar door , and I don't xvunt 'em changed. " The old woman xvont out and looked , then hurried bade and said : ' Why. George , I knoxv that the names you have doxvn there nro not thu same that you had over the mantol. " "That makes no difference , " said George. "I knoxv them names nro n blanked sight bettor pay than the ones which you \vtiltoxvasliod out. " and concluded Secretary Husk , "It is so xvlth your application. I'll xvhitexvash your papers , and xvill see to it myself that , the lady gets a place. " Of course she got It. Secretary Husk lives x'ory nicely at Wash ington. His homo Is in a comfortable brick near Thomas circle , nnd It Is the housj In xvhlch ox Secretary Lincoln lived xvhon he xvas nt the head of the xvnr department. His family consists of n xvlfo nnd daughter nnd of n bright boy of llfteen named Ulnlno Husk , nftor tha secretary of state. The sec retary is very fond of riding. Ho sits n horse ns though ho xvoro a part of It and oxvns ouo of the best riding horses In town. In Wisconsin ho Hx-os on n farm near VI- roqua. Hu has n lot of line stock und prides himself on his shorthorns. Ha is n banker ns xvoll ns n farmer , and though not rich In the sense of the xvord today , Is xvoll to do. Ho Is n man of morn than ordinary ability , nnd no has a national reputation us a good follow. Senator Wilbur PIsko Sanders has Just taken his scat as ono of the United States senators front Montana. Ho had u seat In the same body Just txvontv-nlno years ago this month and ho told the other night the story of hoxv ho got it. It xvas on March 3 , 1SU1. Young Wilbur Sanuers and VOXQ CIIUILIU M.VXDBI130X , noxv Senator Mundoraou , xx-ero both Ohio boys Just out of their teens and they had come on hero to attend President Lincoln's Inauguration. During their xvaiiderlngs nbout Washington they c.xmo to the capital nnd tool : n scat together In the senate gal lery. Washington xx-as tilled with strangers nnd the galleries xvero packed xvlth Illinois men xvho hud come qn to colebruto the occa sion. Andruw Johnson xvas on the lioor nnd John C. Urockonrldgo xvas In the ohalr , Johnson xvas making his famous union speech und ho xvas constantly Interrupted by boisterous applause from the gallery. Ureok- enridgo requested the galleries to bo quiet but before the noise got nt its height ho left the chair and Senator Polk of Missouri took his place. Polk did not Ilka Johnson's speech nnd ho liken the cries of the gallery gods still loss. Ho dually ordered tbo galleries to bo cleared , whereupon Stephnn A. Douglas , xvho xvas expected to make the next speech nnd xvhoilld not to talk xvlthout listeners ob- jeetod , Charles Sumner though iho sucoch xvas In favor of the union , supported the or der for clearing the galleries and Mandorson nnd Sunders watched and trembled. At last Andioxv Johnson said that bo knoxv that his friends in the galleries xvould ba moro quiet , that bo xvould engage that there should bo no further outburst and he asked us a per sonal favor of the senate- that the people bo nlloxved to remain. Ho then xvont on nnd iinljucd hU speech. As hu closed It there xvas prent applmue and ono Illinois man yelled out 'Throo cheers for Johnson. " These xvoro given xvith xvlll nud the man then yollcd , "I'uroo cheers for Abe Lin coln. " These made tbo roof of tbo senate rlug and than came three cuccri for tha union nnd a tiger , xvhllo tbo senators sat powerless and could do nothing. As soon ns the cheers xvcro over tbo galleries xvero cleared And Mandcrson and Sanders xvcro ousted. They hung around the doom for a foxv mo menta and at last Sanders said : "Well Man- derson , I'm going In on that floor nnd sit doxvn xvlth the senators. " "Hut you can't got in , " said Manderson , "Thoy xvon't ' lot you. " "Yes they will , " satdTSanders , "Now 800. " With that ho tried ono door nnd xvas pushed violently back. Ho then xvont around to the ladies reception room nnd started to go In. Tno guard pulled him back and ho snld : " 1 would like to know If n senator of a confcdcrnto state cnunot enter this chamber xvhen ho has business ! " The guard did not knoxv xvhat to make of It. The government was unsettled nnd ho did not knoxv but what Sandcis might bo a Doaeo commissioner , and bo lot him go in. Sanders entered nnd toolc his first scat In the senate. Presently Hen Wade saw him and slipped nround nnd nskcd : "Sanders , my boy , hoxv did you got In hero ! " "Oh , I got In , " , said Sanders nnd Senator Wade said : "Well , keep qulot and no ono will notice you. " Ho then sat there throughout tbo evening. ' In the meantime the galleries had been re- opcued and Mindorson xvorkad his xx-ny Into them. Ho had been tramping nround In the xvet nnd his stockings xvcro saturated. His boots xvoro tight nnu his feet lelt very sere and ns tbo nluht session xvoro on ho took them oft nnd sat in his stocking feet. Tbo nlr ot the senate xvas very xxnrm nnd the tight boots shrunk. At the adjournment ho found to his horror that he could not get his boots on nnd ho hud to walk down to his hotel on Pennsylvania avenue in his stock ing feet currying bis boots. Ho thanked fortune , doubt not , that the accident hap pened ut night , nnd us 1 look at his Immacu late costume in the senate today I wonder If it xvould not hurt his self-respect to bo caught in n similar fix. Senator Teller told mo lust night noxv HC LOST S9UO.UOO. The story made my oycs bulge out , but the senator rotated It In the same cool , metallic tones In xvhlch ho talks about the xx'oathor. Said ho : "It xvas some years ngo In Lend- villo that I mot ono day upon the street a friend of mine xvho asked mo to go in xvith him nnd his partner nnd bffy the Robert R. Leo mine. The mlno had beonjti the courts , but thu question of Its title had boon settled and it xvas only necessary to have $30,000 to pay oft Its indebtedness. I asked how much it xvould take for mo to como In. Ho replied tha' it xvould take $45,000 and this xvould give mo n one-third interest. 'Hut , ' said I , raising my hands in holy horror , 'I haven't ' got the money und xvould hate to risk It If I had. ' " 'O , ' said hn , 'you run no risk. Wo have ninety days in xvhlch to pay this fOO.OOO nnd xvo xvlll xvork it out of the mine in thnt time. You need not put up a cent nnd xvo xvill pay your $45,000 out ot the mine , und in case the mlno doesn't pan nut nt once , Bon , my part- lVi t UMU A Will | IUlf UJVUW lUULIUy iUt JUUt I said I would consider the matter but I did not think I xvantod it. For the next txvo days that man hung around mo and bogged mo to take a third Interest In the mine. ITo told mo ho could sell it for J43.000 cash to nnother man but ho xvould rather take mo infer for nothing. I hold out and at the end of txvo days ho sold the Interest to the other party. Shortly after this I heard that the mine xvas paying and uoout txvo years later 1 mot Hen , my friend's partner , in the Windsor ser hotel at Donvernnd xvo got to talking about mining property. "You mailo u great mistake , Mr. Teller , " said ho , "in not going into the Robert 13. Leo xvith us. " ' Yes , I knoxv it , " said I , "and I wonder Just hoxv much of a mistake I did make ! Sup pose you tell me. " 'Well , said he , again , " \Ve got your $43- 003 out of the mlno in loss Uian throe months and you xvould not have had to pay a cent on It. The man xvho took your plnco stuck to us and ho cleared xvitbm txvo years Just 'JOO,000. I must have looked a little surprised , for the man said : "Well , Mr. Teller , you wish you had gene in. " "Idon't knoxv " I "Providence , replied , runs these things his oxvu xvay. I have txvo boys nnd they had better make their oxvn xx'av through the xvorld thun bo pampered xvllh the inheritance of a millionaire. Perhaps on the xvhole it is as xvoll as it is. " G. CAUPCXTCK. THE WEKT SUGAR CITY. Grand Island's Mnny Advantages Stated In Succinct Form. Giuxn ISI.VND , Neb. , March 20. To the Editor of TUB Ucc : Grand Islnuu" is lo cated in the center of the beat agricultural section of the slate , 151 miles west of Omaha , on a level , xvell drained plateau , 1,878 feet above sea level , and forty nbovo the Platte , river , which is four miles distant , There is no location moro conducive to health , there being no malaria and no prevalent diseases. Sunshine is the rule ; cloudy disagreeable xventhor the exception. The xvintors hero are usually short , a comparatively mild , xvhllo the summers are rarely too xx'ann to bo thoroughly enjoyable. Plutted In 1807 , the population xvas 5,045 In 1835. nnd is no xv variously estimated at from 1:2,000 : to 15,000. While Grand Island has never been in the least ' .boomed" mid advertised very little her groxvth has been remarkably steady mid largo , nnd she has nex'cr suffered from overgroxvth or years of depression. Grand Island has the largest nnd best machine shops on the line of the Union Pa cific railxvuy , the best and most numerously attended schools lu thn state excepting Omaha nnd Lincoln , the largest and most successful canning factory west of the Mis souri river Us product reaching into the millions of cans , thu finest churches of any Interior city , many of thorn being noxv and built of stone or brick , n first-class system of xvator xvorks owned bv the cily nnd fur nishing l'i all parts of the town clear soft xvater xvhlch has boon dronouncod chemical ly pure. It also bus nourishing lodges of all secret orders nnd a xvoll estab lished Young Man's Christian association , the main line of the Union Pacific rnilxx-ny , xvith miiehino shops , rallnull , division sta tions , olo. : the terminus of the Lincoln branch of the H & M. railxx-uy. It is tbo Initial point 'of the Grutid Island & Wyom ing Central railway , the Initial point of the Omaha & Uepubllcun Valley railxvuy , tbo terminus of the Grand Island & St. Joseph railway , the location nnd business to bring other roads xvhlch are already surx'oyod. It has a loxv rnto of taxation and few outstand ing bonds , u belt line now being constructed xvhlch xvlll connect all roads nnd furnish un usual facilities to factories , etc. , n stroat rallxx-ny system second only to Omaha , nnd connecting all points in thu city , u llrst class sewerage system just completed nt u cost of f.10,000 , electric lights und txvo extensive yas plants , six well established newspapers , several artificial lakes which furnish ice nnd fish for n largo area of country , n fine noxv city hall costing ? 5'J,000 nnd other publio buildings , live substantial banks , a'l ' prosperous porous nnd solid , the stuto soldiers' nnd Bail ors' home , xvlth its line nud o.Ueu- slvo buildings , the location of the reunion of the G. A , R. for a porlnd of llvo years , the humlsomo buildings of the HuptUt state uni versity , noxv bfiliig erected , three hundred live , progressive llrms , representing all lines of business. It hat n railroad business ng- grogatmg moro than 1R.OOO carloads received und shipped , per annum , n free del I very mall service , and all other necessities ana luxu ries of it first class city. The latest und most important acquisition is a mammoth hoot sugar factory and refin ery , noxv being erected , xvhlch will cost over $500,000 ; give employment directly and Indi rectly , to 5,000 hands ; manufacture 27(5 ( bar rels of refined sugar per day. This Industry Is attracting the attention of the whole coun try. Grand island Is the bast xvholcsalo and distributing point in the state , and ' xvants moro wholesale houses , factories aim capital. When you buy a fancy handled unibrelln , the first thing to do Is to dispense xvith the little ornamental ullu tassel that glvrs the article u certain finish .vhlla the selection xvas being made. A moro pestiferous and tompor-runing little jlggor xvas never con ceived by mortal man. When you go to xvrnp the umbrella nbout the stick It ls aura to got lu the folds nt the xvrong place , and every time you attempt to open your para chute the Infernal taisol Is tmra to catch in the xvlro framework. Nuw Cntitoa lluuir , Kan. City. Absolutely flro proof. Finest und largest hotel in Kuneus City. Unex celled lu its appointments. STORIES til1 * RAILROADERS R. A. Brnnch'sjExporlonoo With the Subterranean Voloo. n it SOME AMUSING INCIDENTS. t * > An Engineer \Vljo Gould Spoil Cnlf lloiv Illlly Tjl'nltJsoii lion an a IK ! Got Solid- Other Incidents. A Subterranean Voice , A very good story Is told an It. A. Urancb , western passenger agent of the Chicago ft Atlantic rond. His presence In Omaha , to gether with an Incident In which ho figured as ouo of the chief actors , supRustcd It. "In a small Illinois town the Joke was played , and this Is how It came about , " said the ro- htor. "A sewer running nt right ancles and two blocks long had been damaged near one end. The boys soon discovered a hole In It into which they could talk , nnd thus bo hoard- plainly nt the other end. "Onco when Hranch was nt the town ho celebrated sotno trivial event by going about with ihreo or four Jovial friends during the day , having much sport and attracting ooc- sldcrablo attention. Towards midnight the party with whom ho trained felt qulto merry and ready for any schema calculntedto In crease Its enjoyment. "Some ono of the local companions hap pened to think ol the sowar tricK , whispered It to the others , mm started off. " "Whero nro you tjolng now , Charley ! " Inquired Hranch , "Home ; where do you suppose. " "Not yet , awhile. " "Oh , yes , but I must. I've had enough of this nnd propo'io to quit you. cold. " Kculizlng that hlsnrpumont hud no weight Branch bade the friend good iiluht , Bald bouicthing about tils not being a thorough bred , sang the raizln-dazzlosong and ordered another small bottle. As soon 53 Charley had disappeared the other fellows invited tnclr unsusooctlng victim to take a walk with them around the block. IJeini ; In the right mood to acccut any suggestions , Hranch readily assented ' uuu uiu | juri..y Bturu'u uuu In the meantime Charley had captured a smart boy , nut him onto the joke and awaited dovciopmnnts. When the party , chatting and laughing as It moved along , reached n point opposite iho manhole In the sewer , a voice suddenly cried out : "Help ! help ! " "What's that ! " asked Uranch , surprised. "O , nothing , " said ono of ihogang ; "coma on you must nave them again. " Just then nnother cry of "Help ! " floated through the ground and Branch began to get excited. He ran to the manhole of the aowur , fell on his knees in the mud , and shouted : "What's the matter ! " "Help ! I'm in the sewer and can't stand it much longer. " That settled it. Branch was wild. Ho wanted his companions to help him got the sufferer out , but they laughed and refused to do any thing. Then Branch got mad and toro down a fence. Ho went to n tiouso near by , woke up its occupants , borrowed u lamp , and when last sueu was hunting through the yard for a shovel. it Can * . When a railroad train runs into stock and injures it , the engineer must make a report , giving u minute inscription of the animals killed , the suecicH , sex , ago and probable value , which ho must send to the division superintendent. Naturally , in those descrip tions. some Very funny expressions ore fre quently met witb. The other day General Manager Dickinson pf the Union Pacific re ceived a voluminous document from an engi neer on the Colorado division , in which ho told the story of how his old machine had gene snorting througn n largo herd of cattlo. Hut the report was wrong and was sent back fur correction. Only one un'minl it aeeu.9 , and that n calf , had been killed. The engineer described the victim as a "cuf. " When the document returned to him accompanied by a request to carrcct it , ho was somewhat puzzled. After studying the report a long time , Mr. Enginer finally ob served to his companion. "Well thunder I don't , by see anything wrong with it except the way calf is spelled. " Ho then added another' "f , " remailed the report to headquarters and it wont through. Wont it Ullml. "During the Burlington strike , two years ago , " said Hilly Pattison , "I distinguished myself by running nn engine ono day suc cessfully and demonstrating that a man of ordinary intelligence can do almost any thing ha undertakes , " "Andhowdid you do iti" inquired Tom Horn. "It must have bean nn uncommonly lucky accident. " "Not at all. I was the chief cleric in the company's Council lilulTa ofllco. I had never been on an angino , and know nothing about it. However , they wore offering $100 a dav for men , nnd I proffered my services. They wore accepted. It was do or die , and rather than die i proposed to accept the other alternative. , ' The yardmaster pat mo on nn engine nt Council Uluffs and I ran her through to Crcston in coed shapo. Hut I can assure you that it was a risky and dangerous un dertaking. Wo never slopped for crossings , switches or anything olsu. I hud no knowl edge of rules , regulations or slcrnals , and looked out for nothing bat the main track ahead of mo. "Although I nm no longer connected with the road my name occupies n place on its preferred list , and there Is nothing the head ofliclalB would tint do for mo. " Mr , Pattison Is now nn attorney and lives n Kansas City. EDUCATIONAL. Sweden has two unlvor Ulc , 173 profi lers and 1,010 students. Portugal has ono university , forty profes sors and 1,800 , students. Holland has four universities , eighty pro fessors and 1COO students. A permancn t scholarship of $1,000 Is being raised \\tiolly among the colored people ot Alabama lor the Tuskcgco Normal and In dustrial Institute ( Ala. ) , of which Hooker T. Washington is principal. A good proportion has already been paid In cash , Miss Susannah Warfleld , n wealthy un married woman , who died a few days ago at her homo , "arovelaml. " Carroll county.Md , . has loft all her property to found an Kpisco- pal college which is to bo named after her. The endowment amounts to about $100,000. In the medical department twcnty-foua graduates received their diplomas ; at the rccoat graduation exorcises of the state uni versity of Iowa , In the homeopathic depart ment tent and In'tho dental department forty-throe. The total number of graduates of the university in all departments is now , 032. Tbo noxvest work undertaken by Chautau- qua university Is along the line of university extension lectures , so popular in England. The courses consist of txvolvo weekly lecturs each occupying about an hour. For about three-quarters of an hour , preceding or fol lowing each lecture , n clcss is held for those studdnts who wish to study the subject more thoroughly. A committee In behalf of the Young Men's Christian association of the Iowa state uni versity appeared before the board nnd re quested ix silo on the campus for their now building , for which very nearly the full amount of25,000 has been raised. This ap plication was granted by the board and stops will bo taken to bo ln the erection of Uio building as early as possible In the spring. The resignation of Dr. Albert Reynolds of Clinton as lecturer on insanity Iti the medi cal department has been received nnd ac cepted at Uiu state university of loxva and Dr. G. P. Hill , supcrlntondont of the Insane asylum at Independence , was elected to fill the vacancy. Dr. R .1 , Nuwnorry of Cedar Haplds was olcctcd lecturer on otology nnd ophthalmology In the houieopatlo medical de partment. Mr. Simon Yandn's additional clft of § 30,000 to Wabash college maltojt the nggrc- gate amount of his gifts to that institution f 100,000. Excepting the DePauxv bequest to the unlucrslty of that name , this Is the larg est gift for educational purposes mudo by UI1J l lbl UU Ui JllUiUU.t. 11. mlUWS LUU 81UVU 19 progressing on that line as on others , and Its generous proportions will place Mr. Yando's name high up lu the list of Indiana's public bcnofactoys. The trustees of th c Nexv York college fet the training of teachorc have established twelve free scholarships In the high school department of the inodol school attached to said college , for the benefit of graduates of the public grammar schools of the city of Noxv York. Three scholarships are to bo awarded each year upon the results of a competivo examination to bo held In the month of June , and each scholarship Is valid , unless forfeited for cause , for the full high school course. A man of | moderate mcouswho xvns a great admirer of the late President Patton , and wishes to boll ) perpetuate his services in Howard university where ho spent twelve years as presiding officer , has pledged the Hrst $100 toxvard the endowment" a Patton msmorml professorship for the theological department. Forty thousand dollars xvlll endow the professorship. Subscriptions may bo sent to President Hnnkln. Washington , D. C. , or to Dr. M. E. Strioby , 5(5 ( Ho ado street , New York. NOTES ON MK.VS OltlSSS. Ovorgaiters are now quoted under the head of men's fumilshings. Men's Clothier and Furnisher : It would nppcnr from the greater number of self tied Bcarilngs being sold that the public is becom- ine educating in this respect. The neckwear styles in made up goods shoxv the effects of this tendency of the public , for they are of greater proportion than heretofore In close imitation of tbo tie- ublo scarf when knotted. Ono of the cleverest devices in this field is the deceiving reproduction of the white laxvn catch-and-bucklo dress hews , in forms that are irregularly made , and look for all the world us though the xvoarer had tied the bow. bow.Tho The negligee young man by means of mod eration and subterfuge in makeup nnd in ma terial , U making desperate efforts to work the outing duds into town the coming season. He will succeed to n greater extent than li ere to fore , from the fact that during the past season ho has grown accustomed to himself , and this season the more radical and objectionable features of ultra adorn ment will bo absent. Still , the outing youne man is more apt to continue as n regular annual incident if ho confines his tierlgrinatlons in costume to these localities in xvhlch the xvord outing in ( X suburban tense will boar application. Those , however , who will bo found llacrantly addicted to the negligee racket in town , will tilso bo recognized as shining lights of the embroidered vest , collar and shirt coterie. J'tio latest thing In the shirt line that is being pushed is the open front that has an opening all the way down tbo front like a coat , . It is made to lit in to the figure as tbo 'coat is shaped , and the usual and really superfluous fullniSB of muslin Is thus avoided. It does seem unenterprising that in this last decade of the nineteenth century wo hnvo not got ocyond the barbarism of pulling ono'a shirt over one's head. It is decidedly moro desirable nnd agreeable - able to dress one's hair before putting on one's shirt , nnd yet the oaudlo-suuQltiz pro cess of the present over-head system is cer tain to dissolve the most carefully parted nnd arranged coilTuro. On the grcund of fit , expedition and civil ! zation , thu nont shirt should bo welcomed. Every actor in the land xvho is a "hllcd" shirt actor , should as n matter of necessity and of time saving in the quick changes to bo made clvo the coat shirt , his hearty sanc tion as lllling n long felt want. ETCHINGS , j& S3-EMERSON , ENGRAVINGS , . & -HALLET & DAVIS ARTIST SUPPLIES. H3-KIMBALL , MOULDINGS , .SSI TPIANOS A OP.G ANS FRAMES , J3i rgTSHEET MUSIC. 1513 Douglas Street , Omaha , Nebraska Of Every Design and Finish. HIMEBA&GH & TAYLOR , 1405 Douglas St. Max Meyer & Bra. , Comer KMIi and f-'nrniiiti fit * . Continuation of our Great Closing Out Sale r II limited * arc belli it iniulo happy on arroiml or Ilio Won derful Iliirualiit u'u aru oH'orliij ; on livcrylhlnir. ALL DIAMONDS RETAILED AT IMPORTER'S PRICES. \VATOHICS tioillos' or Onntloinnn' * heavy limiting aniotl , , Htcin xvlmlcifl. xvnrr.tniciil K OI | tliiium , from $ -5 timviiril * . Imitlcn' line nollil icold nnd ttriiiiliio illnmoml onucii U'ntuhcs , full jeweled innvomniitft only $ ! I5 and tipwnr.l. All olhnrvntolies In proportion. JIOWnijKY ClialM8ljooUotiill'imn and nil otlinrjcwolry nt nliuiit HAM'1 former prlorx , ClnokH urn Koltivt fait nt our MAIIKUI ) DOWN K1GUHKS $ O OFjOOHH no Tor $5 , Ale do/oim of Htylnn lo Holcor from. I'lnoxt ttHnornnont or Ijixmp * ever shown In Oituxlin from $ r up to .ftno. Hno thorn. Hoiuitlful hnyond doifrlpilnn N our line ofHtlvor neid Him qundruplc-plntml warn. It mint bo scon to tie appreciated. Illuli , novel mid orlKln.il ilcMciin ; KponjitoH , Water HotH , Ten Kelp , I'Vnlt , Snlrul nnd Nut Uoxvlft , Ilnko Dislion , Soup TurcaiK , Itlnmilt Jnrt , Cnko HnHlccIt ) , Hilltop DIslitiH , IMoklu Stands , Individual Cmmim , Napkin Holder * , Cups , etc. , I ) PR I Him nn linmciiNO linn nl'mnnllvnrn , In nrtUtlis put torus , nil of which ixro hctneftold atnlinutno OHM'S O.V THH DOMj.XIC. X KATI'IU AY KVKXIMO ! UXTIL O. STOKI : roii fii.vr AM ? FIXTUKIS : coit S \ . U , < ircat ICciliictlon In i ncoi oT l'liinM : anil Or uii The ONLY Lawn or Garden Hose MADE which will stand 400 POUNDS PRESSURE. LAST the LONGEST A hose which xvlll do good work In most cities , will not glx-o satisfaction in Um.xlm. on iii-countcr tbe extreme high iirossmre.Vbllo dealers complain of other hose being returned In larito quantities because. It la not slrong enoueh to Ktaml the pressure. "FIHII IlKANI ) ' Is guaranteed test anil the highest uressuro. OMAHA RUBBER Co. , 1008 Farnam-st. , Omaha , Neb. Wholesale or Retail. DR. R. W. BAILEY , Dentist , Paxton Block , IGtli and Farnam Streets. tn Gfo-TT and having within the past two LU months largely Increased our office room , arc now better prepared to turn out the best class of work , and much inore rapidly than heretorore. We make a full set of teeth on rubber for FIVE DOLLARS , guaranteed to be as wel made as plates sent out of any dental office in this country. Do not let others influence you not to come , but make us a call and see for yourself. Teeth extracted WITHOUT PAIN , nncl without using chloroform gas , ether or electricity. Filling at lowest rates. Remember the lo cation. DR. BAILEY , Dentist , Paxton Block. Open ex-entnps until 8 o'clock T.xko elevator on Itith street. Kltli and I'urnnin. Cut tills out. Mention thisuapsr a . .A. . i. i\ : iui'ur.suNTiNa : CHICAGO OIWILT. rstlmatcs and plans furnished. Correspondence solicited. 832-800 N Y Life Building , - Omaha. DEWBY & STONE , A magnificent display or everything useful nnd ornamental In the furniture maker's art at reasonable prices. Improved July 30,1889. WITH WITH LADIES' ' _ _ APFlUHCt SPINAL Ho , 4 f,4 , ATTACH . DELT , . wO ? Dr. OWKK'fl Klcctro- ttr-l Qalvanlo ndt and Suspensory 11 Clil'fl the follow- * * : crs ot a nervous character : uhou. matUm of any InRdlaeaseaandalloth' f * . Vltus' Dance , llrl tiU klml.Bciaticn.l'aralysIi prtr Knllcpsy.Siilnal Dlncases.Bt. Disease. I'llcs , Heart rj Diseases , Lumbago , General and A34yftffl ; , ; nm Nervous , Debility /"ufj / Coetlreness , Kidney lVrom UBcrcUbn iTYoutn'orMarrlotl'lJfe ' iSJrvoni Prostration , Personal Ilody , and all diseases K caufle , Weakness or Kxbaus. Nvw * tlon , Female ConinlalnU. In fact all nervous il ) oo es perlalulnR to Main or Kcma o. . > \ belt that will with 11. Thociirrcntlsunderlliocontrpiontio ' WcclmllcnKOtlio World , % ( AVroducou ' ucuinui win compare inocurrcBiinuuuKii"u7 ; xVcarcr andcanbomado Buipcawr/ . , , , 'jf , i or nli-oii a to suit any complaint i this cannot bo done with any other belt. tt.ittciv/.lho disks aroeoadjuitod that bym an lof our ThoSaVpen foVweaVncsaolmcnlsconnecteddlrcctl/totho / > apirUancMtho ory > ; i i5i % i/cttn bo carried to nny narf oltlio IJody. 'lijsls tbo fMteyt and UreatCHl lujprovement f JM CMfK ol . Front Vl.w 30 Q&lvanlc cells xvlth 100 decrees ol H * . . .n 4 * U l > VlJfc W I * W V * * * * * * * * . . . . - - 'ovitivrt and A' ? af Irn rnrrcnt , and the currsnt can bo rever cd. Also The Electric current con bn i not a ttAMdi IFIrfl or Pollute Beit , or a Jt' l , ol any descrlptir one before It IB anulled to tbo body , ADI ) Is lirttoWlfiMtaWt'rtto Forlnforfflatlonbowtoobt lntrUlbcltBe = H-j.aBOiiook The OWEN ELEOTBIC BELT & APPLIANCE CO. , 308 KTprth Broadway , St. Loui , Mo. and 826 Broadway , Northeast Corner of 12th , New York City.