THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
Liunii axoakel He roars all over tho piano for ten mln.
utcs and the rapidly ascending crcsendo runs i ml lento
that the doughty Chevalier has climbed a telephone polo
with moro agility thnn could bo expected of one in so
unsteady a condition. The brilliant nllcgro trills an
nounce that he is trembling with tenor and afraid to
come down. Now there is a long double rest. Vivid
chords. "Grent Heaven3! What a mistake! It is not a
Hon. It Is a Bologna sausago wiih its tall cut off." Tlio
Chevalier Taints and falls to the pavement below. Tho
music howls down the key-board, and goes into stronp
convulsions when it has reached tho bottom. Tells of
murder 1 Firel! Police!!! nro heard in the distance
The music grows wilder and wilder, and as the swaying,
struggling mob closes around the prostrate form and the
Cops club everybody nnd everything indiscriminately,
and as the blood-smeared special reporter of the Stodknt
is seen dashing through the madly-lighting cr wd, with
a pistol in one hand and a pencil in the other, the music
becomes absolutely uncontrolable and the fantasia ends
in a scene of uproarious confusion that baffles description.
We have just been reading one of those heavy works on
Political Economy that are so common now-a-days. It
rejoiced in the title. "The Problem of Social Life," Now
we have given a little attention to this subject yes, con
siderable attention, and we have come to the conclusion
that successfully dodging the Candy Kilchen is tho rol
problem of sociallife. How well I remember tho first
time I ever set foot upon its mosaic floor. Thtro was a
crowd of boys going home from debating club one even
ing aud some one spokd of the Candy Kitchen. There
were only twentystliree ceuts in tho whole company, so
seven of us dodged the others and went around to the
kitchen by back streets. Wc filed in and were just pre
paring to put up our watches for ice crcaa, when we no
ticed tho other boys sitting around a table on which was
one glass of lemonade. There were four straws however.
The recognition was mutual. It was hard to explain.
We had told them thut we were going to the Methodist
prayermceting when we left them, and the whole affair
was very disagreeable.
gfamgns (gwtards.
The Thursby Concert netted $51.80; no moro and no
less.
' A Sophomore's example of synecdoche: "Pass the
butter."
Two more weeks and the horrors of examination will
be upon us.
A. L. Frost, '85, will be absent from these classic walls
during the coining term
' The Senior Eugiueers have entered upon a study of the
plans of the Plattsraouth bridge.
The conservatory of music fives a "recital" in the col
Jege chapel on Tuesday evening, March the fourth.
The Anglo-Saxon class has been bankrupted by the
purchase of Imported text books costing $3.75 apiece.
W. G. Keim, the bonny blue eyed blonde, formerly of
the class of '89, was visiting the coneds of this institutio n
last week.
Tho now cut of the University, ordered by our Job do
partmunt, has arrived. It Is a "darling."
To bo struck with a wash.liill in a crowd of follows is
the only thing that has indented Johnson's check thus
far.
A. O. Taylor, '83, has returned to Lincoln. Ho la a
sober benedict, now, and will inhabit his poso'slons east
of tho city.
Farmer, '80. med, has hied himself awav to hide him
self in '.he town ot Friend for the medical vacation
which is approaching.
B. F. Johnson is again on his pedals. His illness has
been a very serious and complicated one, hence hearty
congratulations are appropriate just ow.
The janitor and his assistant have decorated the ceiling
over their chandelier in tho highest style of art. Their
room is one of the most plcascnt in tho building.
Our walks are the muddiest places on earth, except
our Lincoln crossing.' As soon as the frost is out of the
ground any one attempting to cross tha'pi will never be
heard of more.
The 3oung chemist who attempted t cut Sodium In
water was astonished at the commotion caused by this
ratner unusual mode of procccdure. The same old story:
he didn't know it was loaded.
Chancellor Manatt says ho hopes to be able to read an
examination paper from every student of tr o University.
He is not acquainted with our style of writing or he
would entertain no such hope.
The Band boys arc rehearsing assiduously the3e days
and when spring-time comes will undoubtedly bo in con
dition to hold the bouquet. Their music is of a higher
grade than ever before used in tho University.
The astonishing discovery has just been made by the
Hts" that a t'toroughhread stiff has been an inhabitant,
ofthe building tor over three months. We congratulate
the mods upon keeping an important secret "in such a
statesmanlike manner.
The Charter-Day speechos published in this issue are
but a small portion ofthe proceedings ofthe celebration
nevertheless, they are long enough to crowd out the med!
ical and exchange columns. . They also came very near
driving tho local departments the wall.
Both societies aro at work on their June Exhibition
classes. Tho present year will evidently be an "off" one
in such matters, as the Opera House is to be torn down
and the city has no hall large enough to contain the su
al audience. We hear that the Seniors are to spout in
the open air or under a circus tent.
A very pleasent little gathering was held in the head
quarters of the janitor on Wednesday evening February
27lh, the occasion being tho twenty-third birthday of
his assistant, Mr. BUbee. A double quartette of ladies
and gentlemen illumined the "den" with their presence
and enjoyed an evening of hilarious enjoyment.
'86 has made arrangements to indulge in the wild, reck
less species of dissipation known as a candy pull on
Tuesday evening March fourth. The affair is to take
place at the residence of Miss Clara Caldwell, and, as
ia Invariably the cjue with the doings ot this class, will
be mauaged by the young ladies. Every Bophmoro girl
Is a brick.