TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1934
A SUPPLEMENT TO THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
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Continued from Pago 25
Dear Wondering: So far there has
been no evidence that EiscnJiowcr did
have an affair with his secretary;
although Larry Flynt claims to have
videotapes of the two in action. Al
though no one has proven the authen
ticity of the Eisenhoivcr-SiLTnttiersby
liaison, there seems to be little doubt
that George rattan did have a pas
sionate ajfair with his jeep. Indeed
one ofPatton s first acts qfter entering
Paris when the Allies liberated that
city was to buy his jeep two liters of
French gasoline.
t
DeorLci3 O'Lcvc: Lately IVe noticed
something strange about my husband.
Lois, I find him lying under the bed
snapping at dust bunnies. This has
happened several times now, and all
he ever says is: "Don't stop me now, I'm
on a roll"
When he comes out, he has dust in
his hair, mustache and his nose. He
often is wearing golf shoes and some of
my makeup, and his favorite bowling
shirt. Then he acts like nothing has
happened and tells me to clean the
toilet or something. What I want to
know is, have I married a pervert, or
what?
Mrs. B. W. Quiver
Dear B.W.: I have often heard of
your husbands problem. He is not
perverted. If you love him, you will
accept his "little habit" and continue
to clean the toilet. Mr. Quiver is simply
afflicted with Suburbanman Dustball
Snapping Syndrome. Don't worry
about it.
Desr Lcis O'Love: I'm five foot two
eyes of blue, but oh what those five foot
can do, and my fiance has a turned up
nose and turned down hose, she's a
flapper yessir one of those.
We're getting married in Hay some
time, we'd love to have it done in
rhyme. A poetic minister is what we
seek, prospects so far have been bleak.
Can you suggest a church to free us
from this lurch? ...-.v'
Rhyming couplet
from Nantucket
Dear Couplet: I looked but drew a
blank verse. Sorry.
Dear Lois O'Love: I'm 83 years old
and worth $36 million. I'm in love with
a cheerleader at the local high school
and have proposed marriage to her.
She accepted on the condition that she
be allowed to wear her letter sweater
to the ceremony. I find this rather fool
ish, but she insists. What should I do?
Very Rich and Almost Dead in Hebron
Dear Very Rich: You're right, it is
very silly. Tell the little hussy to get -st.
My daughter's a cheerleader and
I 'm sure site '11 wear whatever you buy;
I mean, want.
Dear Lois O'Love: I got married in
July, and on our honeymoon in San
Diego, my wife and I decided to take in
the Padres-Cardinals game. In the top
of the third inning, with two outs, lead
off man Tommy Herr tripled and Willie
McGee walked. The next batter, Ken
'Oberkfell came to the plate and hit a
line drive that bounced between the
outfielders and got lost in a hole in the
safety padding against the outfield
walL
Two weeks later, a bachelor friend of
mine and I drove to Milwaukee from
our home in Mason City, Iowa, to take
in the weekend series between the
Brewers and the Orioles. I planned to
tell her, but in my haste I forgot until I
got to Milwaukee. I tried to call Twila
twice, but she says she was home and
didn't hear the phone ring. I say she
was just mad and wouldn't answer the
phone because I used our secret ring
and she knew it was me.
Lately, she has been saying that she
may have made a mistake, and is
thinking about a divorce. I love Twila
dearly and do not want to lose her. My
question is this: If McGee had kept
running after Oberkfell had passed
him, would his run have counted?
Confused in Corn Country
Dear Confused in Corn Country,
The run would not have counted,
because Oberkfell never bats third in
the Cardinals' batting order. Oberk--fell
was out when he stepped into the
batters box for batting out of turn, and
what McGee did didn't matter. By the
way, your marriage is over.
Tfoimk-you notes .
Continued from Pc3 21
3) My father had another nifty phrase
for this piece of advice: "Just thank
them, for goodness sakes. And clean
your room, it looks like a pig sty." Ignor
ing the latter piece of advice for a
moment, speed is of the essence when
writing thank-you notes. The quicker
you are, the better you are. I was quick
at writing thank-you notes, my wife
wasn't. In fact, I was so quick I thanked
a few people who hadn't given us pres
ents, thus hastening (and ensuring)
Ccr.iisucd ficr.i Ps2 23
She pulled from the box a hand
some, deep blue goggles-and-snorkel
outfit. "Here, put this on," she said
brusquely.
Alice hesitated.
"C'mon, time's a-wastinl" Lori said.
"Sure, it's a little unusual, but I read
where the blue thing the bride wears
has to have been kept underwater for
24 hours before the wedding to ensure
the health of the newlyweds. Well, this
was all I could find, Do you want a
healthy marriage?"
Alice, who put more than the usual
stock in good luck charms, reluctantly
put on the goggles and snorkeL
"Don't worry about a thing. You look
just beautiful," said Lori, trying to hide
a wide grin. "We also found you some-,
thing borrowed."
Lori reached into the box again, and
presented a sash that said "Miss Hebron
Tractor Pull 1962." '
"From Miss Hebron Tractor Pull of
1062," said Lori nonchalantly. "We
thought of her because she's been
married for 19 years, and you have to
borrow something from a married per
son. It's much better luck that way.
You do want good luck, dont you?"
"Yes, of course!" blurted Alice.
' .'"She didn't want to part with it at.,
first, but when we. explained that you .
were going to wear it at the wedding, -
fine gift-giving.
4) Thank-you notes should be an
end, not a means. Because of the
nature of weddings, you will receive
gifts from people you otherwise would
have little to do with.
If you're not careful, it could turn
into a full-fledged correspondence, and
you then might find yourself invited to
a wedding. Oh well, at least it would be
a good opportunity to get rid of those
McDonald's gift certificates.
she was glad to help. She said she was
sorry she couldn't attend, but would
pay a fortune to see pictures of you
walking down the aisle with this sash
on."
"How moving," Alice said.
"Speaking of moving, we've got exactly
1 0 minutes," Lori said, all but throwing
the sash over Alice's head and onto her
shoulder.
"We had a lot of trouble finding
something new," Lori continued. "The
only place open was a hardware store."
She lifted a small leather band from
the box. "They had these dog collars on
sale. I figured you could put it on your
wrist. I couldn't get the little dog iden
tification tag off the collar, but what
the hell, just tell people it's a charm
bracelet."
The bridesmaids crowded abound
Alice to ooh and aah as she labored to
get the dog collar fastened around her
wrist. "You've got enough good luck
here to last five marriages" said one as
seriously as possible, after seeing the
complete ensemble.
"How can I ever thank you enough?"
said Alice, almost in tears. "Ill never
forget what you guys have done."
"What are friends for, anyway?" said
Lori, not quite holding back a giggle,
"Now get out there and give them a;
blushing bride they'll. all be talking'.
. about, for years". .' ... .'; ... ' ; , , ' ,
tot Your
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