TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1934
Pago 0
A SUPPLEMENT TO THE DAILY NEBRASKAN'
Communication strengthens commitment
'rust an iniioortant
in maa:
ii 1 isige
C2IELLI KELLOGG
No argument professes that love must be the basis
for marriage. But when the wedding vows are
spoken, perhaps trust and respect should imme
diately follow "love, honor and cherish."
The Rev. Jim Wallas ky of Trinity United Methodist
Church in Lincoln said he believes trust and respect
are vital to a good marriage.
"If you can't trust, and in that trust be open to
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share with your spouse," Wallasky said, "then youll
go into your marriage with reservations.
Trust also can lead to a commitment that will help
a couple survive various marital breakdowns, said
Rabbi Ian Jacknis, of Tifereth Israel Synagogue m
Lincoln. A. ....
"You have to have the commitment that will keep
this marriage going," he said. "When problems come
up, you can't just say 'I give up.'That's the difference
between living together and marriage: commitment.
But living together does have its merits, said the
Rev. Charles Stephen of Lincoln's Unitarian Church.
Stephen said it often helps a couple decide if mar
riage is right for them. r
"Certainly there's no foolproof way for them to
know if they're ready to be married," Stephen said.
"But that experience of day-to-day living may help."
To keep the commitment strong, communication
also is necessary. Stephen said he tells couples dur
ing the wedding ceremony that those who love them
cant tell who they are unless they tell them.
Jacknis concurred. "Sometimes the tendency is
not to communicate. That's easy to do," he said. "It's
harder to communicate than not to communicate."
For couples who suffer marital breakdowns, coun
seling services are available. Wallas ky said his church
offers counseling assistance.
While his synagogue offers no official counseling
services, Jacknis said he always is willing to assist.
If counseling does not help to reconcile the differ
ences in the relationship, divorce is an alternative.
None of the three said he had any strong objections
to the practice.
"I have nothing against divorce," Stephen said,
"but'the fact that it's available means it's used some
times when it may not need be. People turn to that
instead of dealing with the problem."
That may be true, Jacknis said. "But people just
aren't willing to throw away their marriage. The
whole beauty of it b the highs and lows."
Willingness to admit a mistake in marriage is
"Even the success rate of a second marriage I
would consider a good turn," he said. "I'd rather see
people admit they goofed the first time."
Problems that can lead to a divorce are numer
ous, Stephen said. Sometimes, expectations are just
too high.
"Some people expect marriage to make them
immensely happy all the time," he said. "When it
doesn't, they think there is something wrong."
Role-playing and inflexibility also are causes for a
breakup, Jacknis said.
"People just don't assume a woman will want to
take care of the house," he said. "While that's a good
value, sometimes we have a tendency to put down a
woman who wants to stay in the house. That's not
good, either."
Given all the problems, inevitable to any marriage,
the three said they see a bright future for marriage
in America.
"Despite dire predictions of marriage failures, the
future is pretty good," Stephen said. "People are
always looking for someone to be close to."
Couples probably will take marriage more seriously
in the future, Wallas ky said.
"The past 20 years as a society we've been experi
menting with what marriage really means," he said.
"People are willing to settle down and find more
seriously what marriage is to them."
Jacknis said he also believes the future is bright
for couples who really want to work at marriage.
According to a traditional Jewish belief, a person is
made whole when he or she gets married.
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By DEB PEDERSON
One of America's favorite wedding
traditions the bridal shower orig
inated in Holland. Once there was a
young miller, who gave generously to
the poor but had few possessions of his
own, according to the book Shower
Parties by Helen Emily Webster. The
miller and a young girl fell in love but
the girl's father didn't approve of the
match because the miller wasn't rich.
The father refused to give his daughter
her dowry.
But the people of the village loved
the couple and wanted them to marry.
A new dowry was made: Each villager
contributed a treasured possession of
his own until all the goods a bride
needed were collected. The girl was
"showered" with the dowry and even
her father was won over. From then on
it has been the custom for friends to
give the bride gifts.
Friends, family are shower hosts
Showers also can be given for the
bridegroom or for the couple together.
Hosts of a shower can be friends or
members of the family, said Elaine
Young, bridal registrar at Miller &
Paine.
"The maid of honor usually hosts
one. Three showers is the average
number given for a bride."
The guest list can include anyone
interested in the bride and the mar
riage. "The bride makes the guest list,"
Young said. "She should invite the
attendants to all the showers but inform
them one gift from them is sufficient."
If more than one shower are given
for the bride, the guest list should be
varied.
Invitations should be sent early
preferably more than two weeks in
advance. The invitations may be for
mal cards or a telephone call Some
notification of acceptance or decline is
needed so a count can be taken for
planning, Young said.
Themes help organize
Themes, which can help organize
the party, are limited only by the imag
ination, Webster said. They may be gift
oriented, such as items for the kitchen
closet or bathroom, linen, paper, wood
en articles, knickknacks, crystal or
tableware.
Ethnic themes like Chinese, Mexican
or Hawaiian provide a change of pace
and holidays, rainbows nr th, uaI
favorite song or movie can lend atmos
phere. Gifts often are chosen with a theme
in mind. The guests should check with
the hostess on the gift to avoid duplica
tion. ;
Shower decorations should be kept
simple. Flowers, crepe paper and can
dles can add a lot. The refreshment
table should be attractive and reflect
the theme.
The format usually is a combination
of games, food and the opening of gifts.
Games add tonch cf fzn
Games can relate to the theme or to
the wedding and should be of a spon
taneous nature. Usually only a few
games are needed, Webster said.
The menu should fit the theme and
the time of day. It is best to use foods
that are simple and generally well
liked. Provide tables or lap trays for
the guests to use.
Gifts usually are opened during the
latter part of the party. For an added
touch, the hostess can tell guests what
type or colors of wrapping would coor
dinate with the theme. At less formal
showers, guests can put gifts in paper
bags and, with the money that would
have been spent on gift wrapping,
include a can or box of food for the
couple's pantry.
Bridal registrars can help the guests
and the bride. Anyone can register the
bride's preferences but usually she
does so herself. The registrar records
the items in the store the bride would
like to receive, along with patterns and
colors, Young said.
"A bride may register for a stainless
tableware set," Young said. "The guests
can then buy pieces of the set for the
gift. We keep track to see when the set
is completed."
The term "open stock" sometimes
confuses customers.
"Open stock means one can buy by
the piece instead of the whole set at
once," Young said. "It doesn't mean
quantities are unlimited, especially with
china and crystal"
Crystal and china are expensive and
are used for wedding gifts more often
than bridal showers, she said.
Registering is free and carries no
obligation.
Some Lincoln bridal registries are
Miller & Paine, Brandeis, Colonial
Shoppe, the Crystal House and Baker
True Value Hardware.