Paga 5
Monday, February 6, 1934
Daily Nebraskan
O
Bipartisan baloney abound:
in Ronnie's return to -grade
Good morning, house
wives and other shut-ins.
It s time for another chap
ter of "The Golden Years, "
tliat heartwarming day
time serial which asks
the question: "Can a re
tired old D-movie actor
find happiness leading
the free world to victory
over the forces of evil? For
another four years?" As
we join Ronnie and Nancy
at the breakfast table to
day, he's saying:
Ronnie: Gosh, Nancy,
that new toothpaste you
bought tastes okay. But I
Arthur
Eioppe
dal sheet, The Druse
News, says that Syria's
Assad has been singing
"Sunni Boy" to the Aya
tollah, who has conse
quently refused to ap
pear on the label of a Hills
Bros, coffee can thereby
offending the Shiites, the
Maronites, the Israelites,
and Quehtin Foster
burke, a large Republican
contributor in Secaucus,
N.J. Whom do you want
to head the Bipartisan
Presidential Commission
on Whatever That's All
About?
Ronnie: I'm afraid it
see that it contains stan
nous flouride.
Nancy: Fluoride pre
vents cavities, dear.
Ronnie: But it doesn't
prevent right-wing defect
ions and this is an elec
tion year.
Nancy: (sighing) All
right, dear. Whom do you
want to be in charge of
this one?
Ronnie: What about
Jim Baker? He's my chief
of staff.
Nancy. Xou can't ap
point Jim to head your
new Bipartisan President
ial Commission to Deter
mine Whether the Presi
dent Should Employ Fluori
dated Toothpaste. You just
appointed him to head
your new Bipartisan Pre
sidential Commission on
What the President Should
Do about the Deficit.
Ronnie: Darn. Where's
Alan Greenspan? I know
his Bipartisan Presiden
tial Commission is finish
ed telling me what to do
about the Statue of Lib
erty. Or was it whether I
should return to the gold
standard?
Nancy. No dear, his com
mission was the one that
told you what to do
about the Social Security
mess. But he's busy now.
Don't you remember?
You named him last week
to your new Bipartisan
Presidential Commission
to Determine Whether
the President should De
cline the Gift of an Alban
ian Soap Dish.
Ronnie: A slippery is
sue, (rubbing his hands)
I think I'm hungry.
Nancy. Your Biparti
san Presidential Commis
sion on that subject
thought you might be,
but they weren't sure.
Is Brent Scowcroft's com
mission still hunting for
an MX missile site?
Ronnie: No, they found
that. Brent did so well, I
appointed him to head a
new commission. They're
hunting for my glasses.
Scowcroft: We've run in
to a problem, sir. George
Bush is under here with
his Bipartisan Presiden
tial Commission to Deter
mine How to Get Rasp
berry Stains out of Taiwan
ese Linoleum. And there
just isnt room for all of
us. Whom do you want to
leave?
Ronnie: Hmmm. That
is a bipartisan presiden
tial problem. As soon as
some bipartisan turns up
. .-.Wait, here comes my
trusty aide, Michael
Deaver.
Deaver: Excuse me, sir.
But Walid Jumblatt's scan-
will have to be you,
Deaver. We're running
out of bipartisans. But
report back to me imme
diately after.
Deaver: After what?
Ronnie: Tuesday, Nov.
6. Oh, the agony of having
to constantly made cru
cial decisions!
Nancy: There, there
dear. You just sit back
and let me fix you a nice
breakfast. Which would
you like me to pour on
your corn flakes first
the sugar or the milk?
Ronnie: (leaping to his
feet) KISS-IN-GER!
Daily
Nebraskan
EDITOR
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