SPRING DAY,, 1964
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IS THIS THE ANSWER
Infrasquad Game
Gets New Name
Tomorrow's intrasquad foot
ball game, to be played at
Seacrest field, promises to
the biggest thing since the
Civil War over 100 years ago.
Due to the new Civil
Rights bill pending in Con
gress and all the talk around
the country about segregation,
a new policy will be put into
effect by athletic director Dip
py Tie.
It was felt that "Reds vs.
Whites" was a completely dis
criminatory term to apply to
the game. In order to be fair
to all, Studding Coun
sel passed the motion,
endorsed by N Club and the
Board of Rejects to rechirist
en the game "Blacks vs.
Whites". This term according
to Tie will be used from now
on or until a Civil War is
fought over the Sioux Indians.
At such time it will probably
become necessary to change
the game back to "Reds vs.
Whites" in order to keep up
with new son-discrimination
policies, Tie stated.
Anyway, "Reds vs. Whites"
is an outdated term because
everybody knows the Red
scare has been over for
years, Tie added.
The game is expected to fea
ture the return of prominent
alumni, who will stage a spe
cial half-time show on how to
sign a pro football contract or
how to have your football and
girl, and education, and car
and $50,000 bonus and not go
into the Air Force, too
Featured on the program
ill fee John Derby who found
out tspon signing with the
Vikings that he prefers a good
hard ground game to an aeri
al show any day.
Heading the program will be
Menace Stairdredge who wins
IvimasiauimiUHiMniimiiMsiiii
1 At 11th tr Q
-EAT HERE or CARRY OUT-
WE DELIVER AROUND CITY CAMPUS
to the seating problem?
the drilling prize for the best
deal among pro contract
signees of the Orange Bowl
game although not noted for
particularly anything else.
Recognition will go to Willie
(Tornado) Rues for his excel
lent running game. It is un
derstood that Rues will be
unable to accept the award
in person as he has too many
previous engagements.
It is hoped that Chincy
Harmless will keep off the
field during the game to avoid
being inadvertantly killed.
Water Show Guests
See Inadvertent Death
The Aquaquettes held their
weekly water show. Four peo
ple, two frogs, and one toad
were in attendance. Chincy
Stiff Harmless inadvertedly
died when he fell into the
pool. .
HAVE YOU BEEN
SPENDING TO MUCH
TIME IN THE
MOM?
DON'T FORGET
jmwm
Seating at football games
will continue to be a problem
next year as far as the stu
dent body is concerned, ac
cording to Pim Sittinghere,
ticket manager.
Although the new stadium
addition will be completed,
the seats, which are five
inches wider than the old
ones, are all ready claimed
by returning Masters. It was
thought that all well-rounded
people should sit in the same
section.
Solutions to the seating
problem are being received
by Sittinghere every day.
However, he feels his o w u
solution of reducing the size
Club
Outstanding c a n d i dates
from NU's jock stock are to
be viewed and interviewed
and a "Jock of the Year"
(JOY) will be selected ac
cording to Dave Tyedaughter,
publicity chairman of the N
Club.
The JOY will be presented
for the first time this year so
the rules and qualifications
are newly compiled. Each
varsity sport is supporting one
candidate except football
they have three candidates
because they are very cap
able of holding more than
one.
The football team is sup
porting: Kent Bent McPlough
an, Tony Jeepers, and Frank
ie Smallish. Barley Bones is
up for the basketball team.
Fill Feeble for track, Rich
Gyps'ein for tennis and Gun
ner Willicks for golf.
The swimming team has se
lected Bill Bowels to repre
sent them and the gymnasts
are going with Penny Palbers.
The baseball team turned in
their candidate's name min
utes before the deadline. Tiny
Slurpe was finally elected
Frosh Beat Varsity Again
The Husker baseball team
swung out of action yesterday
as they were defeated for the
fourth time this season by
Monte Griffin's astounding
freshman team.
"I don't know how a team
can look so good and still
lose," commented Coach Tiny
Slurpe after the dust had set
tled, "I sent my best men up
against their pitchers, but no
hits. It's too bad they're com
ing up to the varsity next
year; they could have been
good pitchers."
The game was a long one
as it lasted about three hours,
but it only ran four innings
because every time the fresh
men were at bat they batted
around twice.
The score was not revealed
by Slurpe who had jumped
of students to be the best
answer. "If we ,run about a
thousand a time through a
Kleenex factory and squeeze
all the air out of them we
should be able to get them all
into the card section," he
said.
However, the Tinsels and
Cob Clods have objected to
this proposal on the grounds
that it is hard enough to get
the students to yell anyway.
They feel that the best
answer is to sell everybody
a helium filled red balloon
and let the students then
hover over the east stadium.
After the game the ROTC
units would shoot out the
To S
he's shouldered the responsi
bility for the team's success
all season.
Interviews have been s e t
for Saturday morning, May 9,
from 3:37 a.m. to 4:23
a.m. The close scheduling of
interview times is necessary
according to Tyedaughter.
Candidates must have cer-
Kent
in hot water already by re
vealing the score of their
scrimmage with the Kappa
Crapped Pajama.
When asked where the turn
ing point of the game was,
Slurpe laconically replied,
"The turning point came when
they retired the side in the
first inning on nine pitches
and trotted in to hit."
Monte Griffin, well-pleased
with the showing of his frosh
growled that it wasn't often
that a team of his can go
through four innings with one
continuous rally. "Really
great," he beamed, inadvertently.
WE NEVER CLOS
B0
DIVIDEND BONDED GAS
16th & P Sfs.
Downtown Lincoln
balloons and let the students
down.
However, the students ob
jected to this on the grounds
that the ROTC units are not
noted for their extreme ac
curacy. When questioned as
to how they knew this for a
fact, they said that a trial run
on the plan had been held
durin which Chincy Stiff
Harmless was inadvertantly
killed.
A plan was put forward by
IMC to sell pinmates one
ticket only. The girl would
then sit on the guy's lap
during the game. However,
Studding Counsel objected to
this plan because they had
tain qualifications set up by
Tyedaughter and his compat
riot Larry Move-a-van presi
dent of the N Club. The usual
poise, intelligence, beauty and
a knowledge of all the cam
pus queens are necessary re
quirements. In addition, special note will
be taken of the JOY candi
date who is able to eat four
legs of lamb, 23 deviled eggs,
17 Selleck salads, 5 Chubby
steakburgers, 11 watermelon,
and drink 16 cups of Union
coffee in three minutes or
less.
Hairy legs are a must
dimpled knees count extra in
the s w i m s u i t competition
which will be held immediate
ly after interviews at 4:23V4
a.m. Saturday.
The winner "Jock of the
Year" will not receive a
shiny, rearm,' new car be
cause the N Club is tempora
rily defunct according to Tye
daughter. The winner will receive a
gold-plated jock strap, a bas
ket of last year's VFW pop
pies and a shiny, new, stream
lined, steel-reinforced roller
skate.
There were several mo
ments of glory for the varsity
however. Cave May, pinch
hitting in the third, actually
got a clean base hit Gary
Runison really ran after a fly
ball in left field; surprisingly
though, Slurpe had told Runi
son that if he broke the rules
and ran, he would be kicked
off the team.
To top it off, Ron Doug
more actually gathered in a
fly ball on the run to end the
inning, flashing a big vertical
smile towards Tiny as he trot
ted towards the bench.
1
' . i 5"ws -i ill
l ' " : J J,
earlier come to the conclu
sion that there is no sex on
campus.
Faculty Senate felt that the
games could be put on the
Educational Television Net
work as part of a "Rites of
Our Culture" series, but this
was objected to on the
grounds that nobody cares to
watch a football game while
sitting in the Soc auditorium.
Another solution was given
by the gymnastics team.
They are willing to coach
students on the simple art ol
hanging by one hand like an
ape from the goalposts. How
ever, this idea is close to re
jection because it is felt most
of the residents of Seldom
Cubicle will be playing in the
game.
However, if the Phi Delta
Ego flush-in reaches the ex
pected proportions the situa
tion may take care of itself.
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I IM Upset I
Baseball
Kappa Crapped Pajama 31,
NU Varsity 9
Crew
Greata Xi (winning time
2:04) (2) Beta Theta Fly (3)
Phi Delta Ego.
Kite-Flying
(1) Kappa Always Thirsty
(only one kite fell) (2) Anoth
er Fee.
Weight-lifting
(1) Tom Beertaster 152 lbs
(thrice his weight) (2) Smyley
Newkirk 150 lbs (half his
weight). Bob Woven (dead
weight 11 ft)
Shooting
(1) Tom Swanky (2) Long
Johnquist (3) Tom Beertast
er. Bull-slinging
(1) Jim Too-Much (2; Arnie
Aarson (according to Too-Much)
3C
h f C X v i!
!! SUM I? HOME i
1 ,
LET MA AND PA
READ ALL ABOUT YOUR
COLLEGE IN THE STUDENTS
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jJ La
o
DAILY NEBRASKA N
NEBRASKA UNION
UNIVERSITY of NEBRASKA
LINCOLN, NEBRASKA
Send The Rag Tos
if
for
$3.00 Enclosed.
The
Leg-Board
????
Although this bit is still un
der wraps, (and may remain ',
. . there), plans
I ilete for the
!' r- io take over as the fourth unit
' - of Bob Defanny's football I
, i t team. They will be known as , 4
-w 1 ' - the Clutch unit because they S--n
- "v" will be used when necessary.
"We intend to keep this unusual strategy a secret from '
the other teams," said Defanny at a press conference. "We
hope that not only will the girls raise the morale on our ,
team but when they are put in late in the fourth quarter;
of a tight game, they may be able to march over the op-; ,
position.
An interesting thing occurred at yesterday's IM games
in the bull-slinging contest, not only was Chincy Stiff.'.
Harmless inadvertantly killed but so was IM director Cad
Curvebottom.
All the spokes are turning and the big wheels gathering
for the first annual tricycle race to be held on Memorial
Stadium's indoor track, Don Prying, Sports Information
Director, and track Coach Rank Ravine have the leading
times of 235.89.3 going into the race. Not to be counted out
of the money however, is Monte Griffin who will be excused
from his job at the Children's Zoo for the race.
Quote of the day: "Where is Chincy Harmless?"
St. Pcul
Methodist
Church
12 &
STUDENTS ALWAYS WELCOME
Dr. Clarence Forsberg Preaching
Services at 9:30 and 11:00
$3
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