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THE PINK SHAFT
Monday, April 1, 1963
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FRAT RATS OGGLE LASCIVIOUSLY AT FLESH FLICK
HO HO HO WHAT A RUSH FILM! In a private, secret and extremely clandestine meeting, the InterFrat Club (IFC) previewed the 1963 Rush
Fflm. "Wow", catcalled president Bffl Barfly, "was it high above the Pi PW Garter." Barfly also added special thanks to PanHole for their assist
ance in the production of the extravaganza. PanHole prexy Mac Cooney declined to comment
IIFCs BcairffSy Cotes
'ComfffldemitQCil' Article!
Again, the InterFtat Club
(EFCJ went into special closed
session so that they could dis
cuss their mutual egotisms.
IFC President, Bill Barfly
King of the Hop, made a spe
cial issue of the article in
Confidential involving various
fraternity men and an unreg
istered party in Piff Hardin's
o f f i c e the night before the
budget committee made its
tour of University facilities.
"Confidential" magazine,"
stated Barfly, "had used pic
tures and words to slice a
deep cut into the fraternity
world."
The Phi Kappa Pianobreak
ers representative suggested
that the men on campus with
draw their subscriptions to
the magazine. It was indi
cated, however, that this
would cause a tremendous
economic crisis and result in
a National depression since
most of the money spent by
fraternity men was on this
sort of irerature.
Tom Beerster, IFC secret
ary, stated that there was
considerable opposition to the
IFC slate and that some in
dividuals had banded togeth
er in the form of the Frater
nity Housemother's Associa
tion FHA).
He indicated that they,
along with the University j
Party for the Gross Prostitu
tion of Purpose, (UPGPP)
would undoubtedly raise hav
oc with IFC programs.
The Phi Gamma Gimmie
Rous Uncovers
Huskie Husker
Dean G. Robert Raue to
day made public a fact which
the campus has suspected for
some time Huskie the Husk
er is a TNE.
The investigation has been
underway for some time, as
the charges began sometime
during the regular football
season. The study finally
reached its climax yesterday
when yellow paint was found
cn his coveralls.
Dean Raus said that this
particular case called for a
suspension from the Univer
sity, and also a ruling which'
uiyjFui viujyuiL museum.
bouse rep stated that there
was no real threat from the
UPGPP, but that the r e a 1
problem rests with the FHA
in their opposition to the
FMA.
He further stated that Ef
fie BarnBody, leader for the
FHA, ad advocated that
housemothers rebell against
their employers, the chapter
treasurers and the IFC by re
fusing to buy from those giv
en contracts.
The .. Housemother's in
dicated that they were the
Queens of the Hop and de
serving of the right to rule.
Barfly immediately took is
sue stating that they could
not be Queen of the Hop
since he was already King.
Continuing, the Phi Gam
ma Gimmie rep stated that
there was no purpose for the
fraternities to oppose the FHA
since their authority was de
rived from some hidden god
called The House That Har
din Euilt.
The Delta Tan Garbage-
mouth rep secured the floor
and advocated the abolition
of the House of mi-Fraternity
Housemothers Asso
ciation and that a new organ
ization of mass oppostiion to
their rule be formed immedi
ately. The motion carried.
The Sigma Alpha Mother
fraternity representative then
advocated that open war be
declared on Ron Rogowski's
railroaded UPGPP. He stated
that any thinking man would.
NU Hero,
Is A TNE
will prohibit the Husker from
taking part in any campus ac
tivities. Many circles be
lieved that Huskie would be
the logical successor to Don
Butt as President of Stupid
Council.
Huskie was majoring in
Home Economics, and his
particular interest was in
clothes design.
The NFO has been asked
for comment, but they have
declined. However, in a phone
conversation, it said that
they have already given the
Hunker the boot 1
He added that few of thei
UPGPP had and that they
could be compared with the
SCBC (Someone Could of But
Couldn't) and that they must
be abolished.
The motion was defeated,
however, because everyone
agreed with the rest of the
campus, that the organization
was pre-destined to derail it
self. It was added by Pete Win
terhausener (IFC Treasurer)
that all should be wary of
any group which is run by a
few with mast promises
which look nice but are not
the views of the majority of
their party of which there is
none officially yet however.
At this point in the meet
ing. Meek Week hondo, As
pirant Shortquist who came
to the meeting out of his
mind, again, suggested that
the Greek houses fraternize
like the Phi Gamma Gimmies
and the Alpha Toes Omungas
did last Saturday, and that
tbey later tramp through the
campus and paint P1XI signs.
since Dr. Raus wouldn t do
anything anyway.
This, being a good idea,
was defeated.
It was then moved that Dr.
Raus be censured for not be
ing firm on the PIXI issue.
This mention, being a g e d
one, too, was als defeated.
There being further busi
ness, the meeting was ad
journed to Duffy's for a round
on the board.
Jr. InterFrat Club
Chases Pigeons
Great Scott, president of Jr.
Interfrat Club (IFC), said to
day that the Jr. IFC next
year should do an even better
job with their work project
Scott announced that the
work project for next year
will be either painting the
grass green around the Capi
toL or maintaining a constant
vigil to keep the huge flocks
of pigeons out of LixiwLa.
He said that this immeasur
able amount of service could
only result in better fraternity
relations.
-IIIIIUMIIIIHimimiHIUIUHHIIHIimmtlllHUIIUlMHIIIHIIIIIHIIIIIIIIHIIIIlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllMI'-J:-
lIC's Support Revision
Of Poison-lkhing Day
By WITHERKNIFE
At a Joynt meeting of the
nrtahnnrcwiisip ir Tatpmi-
' Mortabourgeoisie or Materni
ty Boards and THE Society
the decision was arrived at
by a vote of 12-12 that the
Poison Itching Day Ceremo
nies should be revised it
was decided that since nei
ther THE Society (because of
drink) nor the Maternity B
roads (for obvious reasons)
could stand in the sun for
24i hours, the Poison Itching-Scratching
Pat on the
Back Ceremonies should be
shortened.
It was decided that Sleazy
Joint should play the caril
lon from 1 a.m. to 4:30
p.m. keeping him effective
ly out of the action and from
tackling such persons as Ray
Charles, Louis Untermeyer or
Dave Wohlfart.
The Maternity Broads
brought up as a Plum of or
der that tackling and tapping
was extremely outdated and
not DONE anvmore some
what like IFC Help, I mean
Help Week.
The two organizations took
two steps forward, three
backward and three skips;
and a bop in this process
j Nancy Mouth stepped on John
Nylon's foot and he said Gee!
John! and ran off in the di
rection of the head.
Anyway it would all end
up as a complete, revised
standard edition of the New
Revised Syllabus on Top Rat
Frats and Sor Lords. At this
point Joseph Ecumenical
Lundchuk exclaimed that tra
dition and Mary Jane Mul
vaney MUST be preserved.
So all trotted down to the
Grill and proceeded to pickle
themselves.
To throw all those writers
of the Racing Guessing form
in confusion, the MB's decid
ed to tap and masaue MEN7
(as more in line with their
profession) and THE Society
to tackle GIRLS (as being
more of an ignominious and
pleasurable pleasure)
This being resolved, the
first meeting of THE Society
and the second of the Mater
nity Broads (for obvious rea
sons) being adjourned the
two groups resolved to blind
themselves and pick those
who they ran into as future
members of the group (giv
ing up any other process of
selection as being entirely un
fair and prejudiced!)
WE'RE PULLING FOR YOU, PUSHER
"WELL MAW, I wonder if our jn cior pusher will make Innocents?"
Pinnings
Purple Chick
Brings Rings
Despite Slush
And there came to pass the
Giant Purple Easter Chicken
hopping down the Funny
Trail, slush mush, Ugggggg! !
PINNINGS
D. J. Dudson, RAM to The
ta Xi-stye Sweatheart of the
Year, yet to be named.
Linda Jensen, Flacky
Flacky Gamma to Ray Sim
mons, Conservative Club.
Kent Hildreth, Theta Xi
Stye to the Cornhusker Beau
ty Queen.
Janie Tenhulzen, Kappa
Alnha Phi Dplt Shaker tn In-
... . -n..u
Helen Schmirer, Cornshuck
er to John Bischoff, Theta Xi
Stye. John Morris, Alpha Toes
Omungus to Patty Knapp,
Flacky Flacky Gamma.
Mother Hen. Stigma Kappa
to Chicken Little, Theta Cry.
Don. Butt and Lally Sarson.
pinned to tree while out walk
ing last night.
ENGAGEMENTS
Aspirant Shortquist to John
Nylon, has been.
Four houses are engaged in
a beer blast right now!
I
Big Man On Campus, Pi
Xi to AWS Point Breaker,
Red Dot.
Adam Brokinridge, The
House Hardin Built to Hot
Lips Mame.
MISMATCHES
Vicki Cullen, Gamma Phi
Blah to Don Ferguson, Phi
Gamma Gimmie.
Nancy Miller, Alpha Climb
Omega to John Nylon, Phi
Delta Theta-shaker.
Wendy Rogers, Chi Owl to
N e a 1 e Copple, Journalism
SchooL
Liabilities Exceed
AU Farce Assets
Genie Throw, President of
All University Farce, an
nounced today that the or
ganization is bankrupt. "Our
liabilities exceed our assets,"
said Miss Throw.
The deficit was caused,
when several of the Univer
sity's students joined the
Charity Dona tors Union, and
collected more money from
the ALT board members than
the board members had col
lected from the students dur
ing the previous fall drive.
Vice-president in charge of
solicitations, Car La Tortoad,
was not available for com
ment, but a note found on
her desk read, "They can't do
this to me."
AUFs publicity chairman,
Windy, stated that next year
ALT will sponsor a TURN
ABOUT, at which time, "it is
hoped that everything will be J
turned about." ?
V.;.
Y
Stupid Council met again yesterday.
The Council unanimously passed a motion to table two of the five proposed
motions and overwhelmingly voted to postpone indefinitely the other three mo
tions. Kook Chiplin moved that the meeting adjourn.
Table Resolution
On Abolishing NU
Sieve Christemouth, repre
sentative of Mute Court, rose
to a roar of boos from THE
Society, Mortabourgeoisie, and
higher echelons, and cheers
from radical fans, and pro
posed the following resolution:
WHEREAS: a senator
friend of the University points
out that there is not room
for the coed and male bods
in classrooms.
WHEREAS: an ex-senator
friend of the University ui-
I f o r m s
the city, state and
world that the University is
throughly infilitrated with
communistic influences.
WHEREAS: city police are
playing fun and games with
University students who stand
up for t h e i r civilian rights
and detaining them.
WHEREAS: all beer-drinking
University students (plus
those who prefer the more
sophistocated refreshment)
3-Headed Monster
May Make If Yet
Yearbook staff members de
cided unanimously to issue
the 1963 CORN'SH L'CKER, ac
cording to editor, Sinthia Half
twist. Previous plans called for
issuing the book in install
ments next fall or publication
in paperback form.
Due to administrative en
tanglements, production was
impeded.
Secret Student Council
meetings and interruptions
by PURPLEPRINT ex-editor
Upchuck Wall slowed book
activities. But dedication and
desire (to and for activities
points, respectively) by the
following sparked the book's
success: ME's Rosie Danthal,
who resigned as junior assis
tant cartoonist for the PINK
SHAFT; Mary Joe MacConney,
ex-PanHoie Prexy by rotation,
who organized disheveled
troops into a cohesive mob
after a brief stay at Lexing
ton, Ky.; Jayne Tin woods
man, though rejected by
AWS, struggled to find a com
petent ghost writer among
eligiac IFC bachelors.
Despite attacks from the
three-headed monster, outer
office staff members contin
ued to write copy after find
ing a Thorndike-Barnhardt
high school dictionary.
Attacks diminished aft
er Croppy editor Helen
Schmeared, fromerly of Troy,
got lost in the Louve Library
stacks and Merry W itherknife
eloped with for IFC bossman
John Nylon, taking all pictures
of the Mortabourgeoisie
THE Society teaparty with
her.
Further complications en
sued when R. Nail Cripple ad-
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15
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will soon be celebrating spring
weather in the city jail with
$250 fines.
HEREBYbeit resolved,
the Stupid Council go on rec
ord as heartily endorsing the
abolishment of the University.
Kook Chiplin immediately
moved to table the motion,
Dick Wheel seconded the
motion.
With nodding encourage
ment from the aforemen
tioned power seats of omnis
cient power, Dennies Christie,
Tom Cotouk and Dave Smiff
immediately spoke in favor
of the motion to table the
resolution to abolish the Uni
versity. Upon voting, Dave Schlitz
immediately called for a di
vision of the house, and Coun
cil then unanimously passed
the motion to table the mo
tion to abolish the University.
vised and consented to ad
vise and consent to . . .
Poop Board demanded an
investigation when Elegiac
Bachelors and Booty Queens
were all selected from staff
members. They selected Dr.
Brill as book adviser after R.
Nail Cripple disappeared mys
teriously and was found float
ing face down in the base
ment head in Burnett.
Poop Board members Mo
Haystack Frolick and Ornery
Geearson kept Sinthia under
control from office maniacs
Tommie Fidgett and Count Hil
breath who, when finally sub
dued, had fouled up the rear.
book index by playing scat
ter wilh the index cards.
Among special features in
the long-a waited yearbook
are: a section devoted to
sophomore and junior candi
dates for THE Society and
Mortabougeoisie and their
various plans for achieving
their goals; inclusion of the
Pi Xi's in the fraternity sec
tion; dedication of the year
book to athletic personal im
proving team records by
resigning; including pin
ning and engagement an
nouncements of staff mem
bers; a fold-out, four-color,
picture of a senior staff mem
ber sacked out on the office
couch, clad only in a news
print bikini
Initiating a new contest, the
book worms allowed one El
giac Bachelor or one Booty
wueen candidate to eaca
house with more than half
its members on social proba
tion, with an additional can
didate for each known Pi XI
or red dot in membership.
The senior staff made its
only executive decision when
it ruled TNE's out of the con
test. Com rod Mao-Tso
Is June Speaker
It was revealed today from
the office of Chancellor Piff
Hardin, that Mao-Tse-Tung
has accepted the University's
invitation to speak et the
June commencement. ..
Mao-Tse, a well-k sovn
world figure, is the autho- -f
such momentous books is,
"While Capitalism Sleeps,"
"Guerilla Warfare for the Be
ginner," and "Comrade Goose
Rhymes."
In his acceptance" " letter,
Mao stated that China isn't
having a famine. ' "All yoa
have to do, is lock at my fun,
wrinkle free face," he said
Commenting on this state
ment, however, sophomore
physics student, Jeremiah
Clodfoot, said that "pressure
is always perpendicular to the
surface of the ccatainer."
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