Page 2
EDITORIAL
0!d Guard
Funny You Should
Have you ever won
dered how a columnist
gets 'iders' for his "lit
erary" or "unliterary" ef
forts? So have most col
umnists. But, have you
ever heard about what
they never write about?
Today, we shall run the
risk of being miscellane
ous. Over the past ump
teen months, we could
have written about:
BUILDERS, but we're
still searching for what
they build. We have been
told that they took a
short trip through the
state. Mark up ane point
We are still wondering
about what they plan to
do with all the seotties
that they take in from the
sale of their directories
you know, that unread
able mistake log?
Of course, it has one
major asset activity
points said busy work that
probably could be han
dled better by Public Re
lations. And speaking of
POINTS, the columnist
could have written
about . . .
A.WJS. and its pointless
point system. It first de
cides that the honeys
arent capable of deter
mining their own time.
Then they decide to pass
leadership around, so a
new point system. Then
they decided that there
might be exceptions
the few mature honeys
who could decide their
own fate, failure or nerv
ous break down so, en
ter the waiver so you can
hold two offices. The
whole program slowly de
generates into one big
point, point, who's go-ma
get the extra point
We could have written
about good entertainment
but we haven't really seen
to many top-flight attrac
tions. The coffee in the
Crib is habitually the
same while you may
not be able to see it with
the lights out
One might write about
the one-way Burned Hall
comedy ar ragedy per
formance ery Monday,
Wednesday and Friday.
The fine art of following
directions has been lost
as students, in defiance,
go in the out door, out
the in door, up the down
stairs, and down the up
stairs while instructors
dont even bother.
And then there is the
STUDENT COUNCIL.
Platform, platform, see
'Heyl Cut the noise!
we want to or not? Well
entertain a senator, do
we want to or not? Well
... nobody cares in
that event, since every
other bouse is going to
have one of them for din
ner, I hereby, by execu
tive degree announce that
we will have one because
it is good for letting
everyone see how civic
minded we are."
"Speaking of civic mind
ed, would the slob who
stole the policeman's hat
please return it after our
meeting. The local gum
shoes dont like to go
around bareheaded.
"One last thing, before
we adjourn this meeting
to a booth, dont forget
that Monday night a sena
tor will be here, so what
to yon say, guys, let's
try to act human.
One week later, the Al
pha Tbeta Rho house is
lounging around in the
living room, and some
body rings the doorbell.
"PLEDGE, PLEDGE,
PLEDGE, PLEDGE,' ha
rasses the Greek chorus
in the living room, and,
finally, one of the guys
goes to the door.
"'Sorry, we dont allow
no peddlers here at this
here boose nohow,
drones the doorman.
"Were yon expecting a
senator for dinner to
night? I thought this w as
She place,4 answers the
big black homburg stand
ing there.
i(Drat Hhose executive
decrees ... a senator.
But be doesnt look like
a Kennedy.)
"Just as I thought, a
'beater-around-the-bush -er,
a '"middle-of-the-roader,
a ''fence straddler,"
a mop, a wishy waEh, so
conservative you make
Barry Goldwater look
like Jack Kennedy, so far
pyre
Wednesday,
who's got the platform.
This is the cry each
spring as many students
say who gives a good
healthy damn. The eager
beavers and status seek
ers slave for days, coffey
ing the hondos, searching
their souls, making
speeches before emp
ty halls, going through in
terviews so that they can
get placed on those valu
able slates to victory.
But after they get elect
ed? Maybe there is some
truth to the rumor that
they have to get organ
ized. We have watched
with wonder how the
DAILY NEBRASKAN
staff gets miraculously or
ganized in less than a
week to put out a daily
product
Maybe the job is too
difficult for bashful rep
resentatives. Or, maybe
they dont think there is
anything to do. We don't
think their executive
council feels this way. Oh,
well, who wants to make
his promises come true or
at least be attempted. He
probably isn't on that
committee anyway and
probably doesnt know
what the term "new busi
ness" means. He might
not get to be one of the
select 13 or she one of
the mystic? The "house"
might be tweeked too.
Speaking of the MYS
TIC'S? one could have
written about the process
of selection which has
now begun. Suppose they
are planning the same
fried egg initiation they
had last year or one
equivilent? Besides, what
does Motor Boats do?
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Rat-a-tat-tat
Unmolested this year
has been that grand and
florious pillar of Greek
leadership for women
PANHELLENIC. How the
pen has missed comment
on the only Tower of Babel
still under construction
without a $40,000 bonus
for completion riding on
it is open for speculation.
One would think they
dont do anything at
least one never bears
about what they do do.
We c o u 1 d have asked
the same questions we
asked before: Who really
leads PanheH? How much
actual legislative control
do the girls have? Are
in a rut that you would
need to use a fiberglass
pole to vault out of it I
know your kind, every
other house is like that
during rush week."
In the midst of this
verbal barrage, Mr. Ex
ecutive Decree c o m e s
waltzing up to the door,
and in his best 'let's
tone says, ""Good evening,
Senator. I cannot tell you
how pleasurable it is for
us to have you at our
humble abode with us this
evening. You are bestow
ing us a great honor, nev
er before have 1 or my
house been so deeply hon
ored, or so deeply appre
ciative of the great and
magnaminous gratuity
that you are placing tipon
our noble, yet humble,
brows. Will you not please
enter our meager little
hut and enjoy a bite of
dinner with us?"
"Uh, thank you sir, I
have looked forward to
this visit for .some time.4
""Please come into the
den, I'd like to have you
meet Ulysses Unicameral,
our local authority on the
legislature.'"
'"Ahem, senator," be
gins OysBes, "1 do wish
that you would explain the
ipso facto relationship of
LB601 to LB609, and per
haps at the same time lift
the cover of obscurity that
you senators have been
spreading over the con
troversial drinking bill."
"But before you do that
senator, interrupts Fran
cis Fiscal, "! do believe
that it would be to your
distinct advantage to bear
if icy plans for the budg
et of the University. I
feel that the first tiling
we should do is to cut the
senators'' salaries, broad
en the tax base by insti
tuting a property tax,
sales tax, income tax
110 deductible, of course
which would tend to al-
Cfflu
gfffllDfG
February 13, ) 963
Ask . . .
by don ferguson
they afraid of pressure if
they try to change things?
All can't be "peaches
and cream" to borrow a
mystic phrase, or the
many members we have
heard from secretly
wouldn't be so discon
tent. Girls are naturally tim
id, we assume. At' least
they don't think too much
at meetings. Of course,
maybe they don't see a
need to move forward
with vigah. Their system
is perfect already yet
To borrow again, they
could be classed as 16
tight little islands. United
in theory and identity,
but each cutting the
throat of the other, indi
vidually and collectively.
And of course, they have
all constructive pledge
training too no fun
nights while girls sit on
hangers and run around
in "green goodies".
And there are the end
less other topics of con
cern . . , the "informal
Rush" program of Lin
colnless Project; the leg
islature; the INNO
CENTS redeeorating-their-room
program; the now
rumored EXODUS of top
professors ((still to be an
nounced); the plight of
the BASKETBALL
team; the general TU
TOR system of the ath
letic program; Philip's
Rock Pile Picture Pal
ace; the aggressive pub
lic image program of the
"BEER - CAN - IN - THE
HAND" advocate; the
PLEDGE who may not be
alive after hell-help week;
Husky the Husker lot;
the help week projects
that really DO merit ack
knowledgement "(there are
a couple-three ); the feud
between r a d i -speech-TV
majors and the jour
nalism students over the
MERGER; the ROTC pro
gram which might not be
here; the price of books,
as abortive as they are;
USNSA any one?; Helen
the Helpful; the death of
campus spirit; programs
at the corn-flake box; the
political machine in pub
board; the proposal of the
Delts to ask Poppa Ross
how to run the hanky
panky this year; the
World Herald; the three
headed monster in the
basement of the Union
but if we wrote about
that our bead would prob
ably roTmnnn.
leviaie the severe mone
tary shortage that is at
this moment throning
sand into gears of the
University cash register."
"Wait," screams Hiram
Historian. "A more im
portant consideration is
what we are going to do
about the youth exodus.
Now Senator , what is your
pet project for this pre
dicament O tell you
mine .. .. .. the first thing
we have to do is build a
70 foot cyclone fence
around the state, and
dont let any of the kids
out . . . now isn't that a
cool idea."
"On the other hand,"
argues Stanley Statistic,
"the record shows that
on various occasions you
have not favored some of
the measures that stand
to do the best for the
state. Like what happeued
to the plan of the centen
nial to have it in St. Li
broy, my home town. This
is only one example of
the many I could cite of
your gross ineptitude at
the State House."
"Just a minute boys,
interjects Exec Decree.
"Let as not be too harsh
on the dear senator. He
has bad a hard day at the
office, as it were, and we
should be considerate oi
Ms medulla, or whatever
part of the brain it is that
thinks." is there anything
that yon would like t
discuss, senator?"
"Actually," replies the
senator, "I have for a
long time had an interest
in the fraternal system at
the University. I was
w'ondering if perhaps I
could first have a tour of
your house and meet all
the boys.
"No sooner, said than
done," orders Exec De
cree. "Pledge, take the
senator on a house tour,
AND START WITH THE
FURNACE BOOM.
-ML S.
LITTLE MAN
1 MiifMW !
h Y 1L' 5S
i'Tt? PATHEP. YOU PiPMT CREPlT W AS 'GrWAfG'yoa
1 THid'F' YOLf fAfSZ"
gentlemen's
preference
THE MALE Thy neck is like the tower of David
builded for an armoury whereon there hang a thousands
bucklers, all shields of mighty men." (Song of Solomon,
Chapter 4. verse 4. I
THE FEMALE "Thy neck is as a tower of ivory
. . ." (Song of Solomon, Chapter 7, verse 4.
Rising on the east-
era front of tne campus,
better known as the 17th
Street boundary, a pheno
menal pair of identical
twins emerge from the
gravel and glass of a one
time parking lot
Yet are they identical?
Superficially, they appear
to mirror each other, but
biologically, symbolically
and philosophically they
are far from twins, for
one is to house the male
and the other the female.
Herein is the underly
ing contradiction in the
new dormitory. Philoso
phical implications of (his
contradiction are: first
the future similarity of life
in the new residence to
life in that greatest f all
republics. Here ii Victor
ias Nebraska the first
mid-western attempt to
achieve Plato's divine
plan for equality of (be
sexes! Earthly desires
will be left behind, if not
voluntarily, tbea by virtue
of (be iron doors which
will divide the towers at
night Each day at dawn,
the boys and girls will
emerge from their cells
as soulmates.
Atheism is inherent in
the architecture of t h e
new dormitory. Counting
the number of vertical
lines in each tower, one
finds that there are 17
lines in each facing west
Seventeen is an un-Chris-tian
number since it is
not divisible by three.
On September 12, 1963,
the busks rf corn, then
served tom parental
stalks, will scarcely real
ize their impending re
birth as they cross the
lush fertility of the newly
and enter the great pure,
pristine, white towers.
Equality in society at
last! la the world of the
It seems that the Dem
ocrat Party hit the nail
right on the head when
they coined the term
"New Frontier"' for Ken
nedy's administration.
One of the latest things
that has happened on
Capital Hill is that our
dynamic Attorney Gener
al from Massachusetts
tried his very first case
in court.
This historic event oc
cured n Jan. 17, and was
witnessed by twelve mem
bers of the Kennedy fam
ily. It took place is the
chambers of the United
States Supreme Court (U
appears to me that the
Kennedys like to start out
at the top for their ex
perience.) Bobby shouts about Ms
labor reforms, so be gets
Attorney General. Teddy
felt left out, so now be
has the Senate for a play
ground. After much deliberation,
I conclude that our U-S.
government has .declined
in many areas. This isn't
the fault (Of the Kennedy
clan, however, but rather
the fault erf the naive
American voter.
Anymore, ail the public
wants to bear is that
they're going to get pie in
the sky, and that someone
else is going to pay for
it This pie tastes like a
25 hour work week, at six
LooEdnicj
ON CAMPUS
classroom each will re
ceive according to his
ability, however, in (he
collective living center
each will receive food and
shelter according to his
needs.
Perched atop the left
tower is a red crane. Ob
viously, the construction
workers, conscious of the
literary import of their
endeavor as they con
struct the Ezra Pound
Tower, are thinking of the
Anglo-Saxon meaning of
"crane": "In hunting, to
stop at an obstacle and
look over it before leap
ing; hence, to hesitate."
The inate conservatism,
the cautious approach of
Nebraskans is exemplified
also by the red crane. Fu
ture students and resi
dents of these halls will
"look before (bey leap
out into the deep intellec
tual puddle of university
classes.
A final symbol expres
ses itself in the dining
hall found in the connect
ing causeway between the
towers. It is fitting that
the erotic activity eating
should take place in this
significant low portion of
the building at the base
of the towers. Here phi
losophy is forgotten in the
physical joy of chewing
and swallowing. On the
other band, the "feeding
of the five thousand"
three times a day by the
omnipotent Univers
ity counterbalances the
atheistic qualities of the
architecture.
For its many symbolic
and literary allusions,
surely the Twin Towers
Dormitory mill receive in
the near future the T. S.
Eliot Award for Obscur
ity. -4a.
I
Up
by frank landis, jr.
dollars an hour for tight
ening screws am as
sembly line, w ith paid
lunch hour and coffee
breaks.
The crust of the pie in
cludes medical aid, new
housing projects, govern
ment guarantees on every
thing from crops to bank
ing, and public welfare
programs for those w fa 9
would rather not work.
This new budget with
lower taxes sounds real
appetizing, especially to
the people on the receiv
ing end of the lunch count
er. An economic policy
like this might not e the
wisest thing to do, but it
is certainly going to get
the votes. This idea of
tremendous deficit spend
ing isn't like rolling the
dice or drawing to an in
side straight it's just
moving forward with
great Vigah.
I think before we put
on our track shoes, a d
run off in all directions,
we should ask ourselves,
"Forward to where?"
Bankruptcy? Inflation? A
ten cent dollar? Who
knows? It's (be votes thai
count
Well, so much from the
radical right.
(P. S. Who is LB J?
Oh well, be cant be too
important he's not in the
family.)
To Date
Or Not
To
date
date,
1
or not to
That is not the ques
tion, at least, for a cer
tain lost civilization in
University City known as
the "Shuns."
To uncover the rumina
tion behind the enigma
which faces so large a
contingent of the female
sophomores (e.g. wise
fools), this "on (he spot
observer" cornered dole
ful Diana and frantic
Philomena in (he Crib
(a good hangoui for soph
omores without dates) for
a private interview.
We're too young to get
serious, and too old to
plav games," said Philo
mena. "Yes," agreed Di
ana. "The senior men are
too bold, and the soph
0 m 0 r e s aren't bold
enough." (As one easily
concludes, these are defi
nite problems!)
Philomena contin
ued, "There comes a time
when we have to decide
whether we want to be
party girls or serious stu
dents. However, after
finding out that 43 more
hours of Spanish are nec
essary to fulfill gradua
tion requirements, it's not
too difficult to decide (o
be a party girl. And. the
next question which fol
lows Who's going to be
the other party in the par
ty?" Bu( again, (he soph
omores lose out when
boys rail the house and
sav. "I want a date with
a Phi Phi Pho Pkini
pledge." (They never
want an active), then (he
fellas add insnli to inju
ry . . . they want someone
SARTORS
1200 & o
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SUPEfi SM
SUM
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...
To Date?
by jonn Soiitlifui&r
who is shorter than 5'5"
and, also, she has to be
short on brains. (As the
grade average goes up,
(he social life goes down.)
As pledges, the soph
omores were sick of being
lined up. Now when the
phone rings, Miss Silly
sophomore sighs, or cries,
and wishes it were ring
ing for her.
This sighing and crying
and 'wishing - it - were'
causes emotional unrest
which causes bad grades
which causes overeating
which causes more emo
tional unrest which causes
fat which causes fewer
phone calls (dates) which
causes even more emo
tional unrest which
causes a vicious circle . . .
Ever heard of the Soph
omore Slump?
Daily
Nebraskan
SEVENTY-SECOND
YEAR OF
PUBLICATION
Telephone 477-S71L
est 2588. S5S9, 2590
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al Press Representative,
National Advertising
Service, Incorporated.
Published at: Room 51,
Student Union, Lincoln 8,
Nebraska.
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