4
April 1, 19621
Paqe 4
Our Once In A Year Doily
Hires
Xpert
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H
Jftandilius
.Bolster
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NU
"Slush"
Support.)
Sagging
Atfa
etic
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Bandilius Arrives
In Time
Chancellor Hardley today
announced that Tippy Sie
had obtained the services of
Bunny Bandilius, noted slush
fund expert from the Colo
rado School for Mentally Re
tarded.
Hardley stated, "The Uni
versity is proud to have some
one who can handle it's under
the table work. Recent un-
happiness on our athletic
teams has been due to mis
appropriation of funds.
"We're sure the legislature
will now give us more money
to deal properly with our
handout problem."
Bunny, railroaded out of the
School for Mentally Retarded,
arrived on the 8:05 freight in
time to catch the annual "0
Street Beer Bust and Pretzel
Twisting Bee held on Olds
corner.
In commenting on the situa
tion at Nebraska University,
he said, "I'm sure I can help
out in my best capacity.
"At Colorado, they wanted
to put handcuffs on me to
keep me out of the till. Here,
I'm, assured much better
treatment.
"They tell me my assist
ants will be the scape goat
and all I have to assure the
Grid Jocks Injured
hi Hob-Mob Fight, Fire
There is already a spring
football injury list.
Nebraska's new grid in
structor Fearless Fanny al
ready has a big headache,
even before the initial spring
football session billed for Mon
day. A few of the Ilusker grid
prospects couldn't wait for
the Monday head-pounding on
the practice field and got into
a little pounding affair of
their own Saturday night.
And to top if off, two '61
starters will be out of action
awhile with second degree
burns from a fire in their
room last night.
Six of Fanny's boys got
together for an unofficial N
Club function last night . . .
at the Hob-Mob. It was re
ported that, after each had
"sipped quite a lot 'too
much' suds," twa of the jocks
took sides in the controver
sial NAS problem and a fight
resulted between two tackles!
220 pound Fairy Nogood
and 225 pound Slob Moans. j
When four others took
sides (with Nogood and
Brokop . . . 'Prodot' Blunder
Good for 'Star9 Award
Rob Brokop is the NEVER-OX-SlLYDAY's
Star of the
Week for his sterling perform
ance in the recent Tech-Northeast
high-school Class A
championship game.
Brokop's acute ears were
very influential in forming the
outcome of the game. Upon
hearing the comments from
the Tech bench, Brokop im
mediately sprung into action
to earn the coveted Star of
the Week title.
When the action became
quite tense in the final mo
ments of the game and Tech
was called for a technical foul
from the bench referee Ron
Prodnt (alias Ron Beefer)
went to the Tech bench und
announced, "I'm not used to
calling technical fouls and I
don't want to in this game."
Bat he did.
Instantaniously B o k o p
sprung into action. The
clumbsy 6-7 arbitrator, in an
now?
i? ;
i
I
for Beer
administration is that
fingers are not filled
Elmer's Glue All."
my
with
Commenting on the athletic
situation which brought on a
near riot, he stated that the
OAT's fraternity would not be
held repsonsible and that
payoffs would still be made
on time to their members
"How can I cut them off.
with Spit Hardley winning
the International Piano and
Twinkle Toes contest and al
so doing well in the new
game, '"Grab Pass," I'll have
to increase the subsidies he's
presently obtaining.
After the meeting in which
Bunny placed second in turn'
ing the quickest "Q" in the
Pretzel Twister's fine arts
section, a donation was taken
up to buy a few necessities
for the newly named admin-
strator. "Pinch a penny a
day" Line, after taking his
7c, gave him $1.32 for a new
bib and matching bonnet
Bunny, sobbing, said, "Thank
you for your generosity and
kindness, I'll never forget it."
He was promptly cheered by
the departing 10:06 freight
hobo's who are going to scout
for extra funds for Nebraska
this year.
Moans not the NAS Issue)
quite a battle resulted.
Tyrone "Tiger" Slobber
man, a 210 pound senior guard
and All-Amcrican potential
Stil "Flunder" Mornton, sided
with Moans and were hospi
talized with broken jaws.
It was reported that J t m
"Beam" Hudge and Frillie
Foss, both nursing bruses,
s-ided with Nogood.
The names of Minus "Hair
less" Carriage and Menace
Stew-me, both Husker letter
men and counted on by Fan
ny in the backfield, were
added to the injury list last
night.
The room - mates were
burned in a fire which re
sulted from a forgotten cigar
ette left on Carriage's thirteen
volumes of scrap-books.
Both are reported in good
condition at the Lincoln Hos
pital but will probably not be
in action for a couple weeks.
Coach Fanny expects No
good, Hudge and Slobberman
on the practice field late next
week but says he may have
to drop Mornton, Foss and
Moans from the spring roster.
attempt to arbitrate, knocked
over the tech drinking cup.
"Damn you Brokop" an
nounced the Tech coach. Then
ref Ron Prodot, mistaking this
for a curse against himself,
immediately slapped another
technical on the Tech crew
giving Northeast the game.
For this outstanding action
above and beyond the call of
duty Brokop receives ours and
Omaha's congratulations.
Some may ask what a 47
year old man was doing at a
high-school basketball game in
the first place but this is bey
ond the limit of our discussion.
'oinnr? rd r cp
i UuJuu LiZAii3
S3 Issue
ELUDES ARREST Ray Nob, speedy Nebraska sprinter,
is shown as he eludes the Lincoln police Saturday. Nob,
better know around jock circles as "The Turtle," was
the only member of the notorious NU tracksters using
dope to escape from the haughty hands of the police.
Cindermeii Hauled In
On Narcotics Charges
Six members of the Husker
track team were arrested in
Lincoln yesterday for illegal
ly possessing and selling hab
it forming narcotics.
Lincoln police chief Joe
Cawol revealed that Nebras
ka hurdlers Fred Milkie and
Ron Wore, sprinttrs Don Neg-
dan and Steve Thumper and
distance men Mike Blem
ming and Ray Stovelens were
all found in possession of the
drug in a raid on a notorious
apartment house late Friday
night.
The drug was a strong
heart stimulant and is very
habit forming. Only a few
thousand dollars of the nar
cotic were found in the apart
ment wrapped up in a stuffed
TENNIS ACTION Althea
Rib-some, tennis star, is
shown serving a tennis
ball with her tennis racket
in a tennis match on a
tennis court witnessed by
tennis spectators on her
recent tennis visit to Nebraska.
LET MA
AND PA
READ ALL ABOUT YOUR
COLLEGE IN THE STUDENT'S
rabbit. The main supply was
i found later in a red Corvette
convertible parked in front of
the building.
All those involved said that
their first experience with
the drug came just prior to
the Big Eight Indoor Track
meet March 3. All indi
cated also that some of the
coaches and some members
of the Botany department
had been planning to help
the thinclads take the indoor
this year and were willing to
do anything possible to aid
this.
As a consequence of this
statement several members
of both the coaching staff and
the Botany dept. are under
surveillance.
Net Queen
Criticizes
Hig's Boys
Althea Rib-some, w h o re
cently visited the Nebraska
campus, has complied w?ith
NU tennis coach Hig Square
bottom's request of her opin
ion of the Husker tennis team.
Althea, world-famous ten
nis star, in a special letter
to Squarebottom described
the Husker netters as noth
ing better than a "bunch of
fat, beer-bellied, poker-playing
playboys who don't know
which end of the racket to
use."
Miss Rib-some, on her re
cent visit to the Husker cam
pus, took several days out to
scout the NU tennis team, af
fectionately known as the
"Pussies of the Court."
During this visit. Miss Rib
some challenged the number
one Husker netter Hoot
"the Sluth" Gibboy. "The
Sluth" was so effective with
his "twist" serve, under-the-knee
two-handed scoop shot,
and drop-off, out and away
ball that Miss Rib-some was
lucky to gain a tie in the five
hour grueling ten sex match.
Coach Squarebottom
termed Althea's letter pre
posterous because "My boys
are all clean-living, w e 1 1
trained, A-l athletes."
Commenting earlier about
the Rib-some-Jibboy match,
Squarebottom said "Gibboy
would have won but Miss
Rib-some hooked the Hoot."
Cage Talent . .
Lush to
Africa,
Tippy Sip announced that
his head basketball coach,
Merry Lush, has been rehired
for the coming year as head
scout for foreign talent.
In making the move up into
the administration, Merry
stated that he was pleased
with the advancement and al
though unhappy about leaving
the coaching scene, he felt
that it was for the best inter
est of all parties concerned.
He immediately made plans
to tour the Amazon to find
anybody over 7 foot who can
play the bongo drums with
the toes since Merry feels that
the University must have
more deversification in sports
Merry said, "If we can
come in first in the bongo
drum division, it should offset
our consistency of placing
last in basketball."
Merry, ten time beer chug
ging and cigar chewing cham
nion. was also preparing to
scout the African pigmy re
gions to replace his stock of
4 footers. "In order to win
games nowadays, you have to
have a bad little man."
Lush stated that this may
take time and not to look for
immediate results. In the
midst of a tiddly winks game
with Casey Dull, he wouldn't
make any further comments
Meanwhile, Tippy Sip con
tinues to look for a cage men
tor replacement. Tippy con
sidered three condidates
strongly: Rob Brokop, 27 time
I.M. all-star; Heal Boser,
present head coach at Mecca
High; and Pretty boy Let,
Lippy stated, "Brokop has
the height, Boser, the lip and
vocabulary, and Let knows
the material."
In handling Bud, Brokop
has the capacity, Boser, the
mouth, and Let, the expe
rience. This will make it a
tough decision."
Inside sources say that Tip
py will ask aid in making his
final decision from the BObsey
Twins, Beck and Bry, and
head cloak and dagger man,
Rag McPick.
When Coach Nate Hates,
present frosh head man, was
informed of the new pros
pects, his only comment was,
'I'll be glad to work hand in
hand with any of these men
to enable us to have a perfect
winningless season."
"Merry just didn't try hard
enough except in his own per
sonal activities. I know that
Lush could have done it if he
would have tried. I hate to
fee him go."
Lippy stated that the deci-
Faculty Has Orgy
April FooVs Eve
One hundred and eighty
seven members of the faculty
have been put on social pro
bation for holding an April
Fool's Eve Orgy on March
30th.
"We had it planned for the
night of the thirty first," said
ringleader professor Caveman
Morrison, chief printer's devil
of the Journalism school for
hacks, "but after the Sil
verwater speech, we got to
house for our regular TG1F
gathering and just decided
we couldn't wait for Satur
day night"
CLIP AND
DAILY NEBRASKA
NEBRASKA UNION
UNIVERSITY of NEBRASKA
LINCOLN, NEBRASKA
Send The BAG Tot
fop
$3.00 EncIoed.
semester
Scout
Amazon
sion will be made after the
protest meeting of sports
scribes, throughout the state
has been aired about his work
as athletic director. He hopes
to announce the final selec
tion at this meeting.
Join The Rog Staffj
ARE YOU
spending to
much time in
the CRIB?
MAIL
year, find
Thank You!
OCOOOOOgQOOOOW
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THE SUNDAY
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Whot You
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Christmas?
Room 335
NEBR. UNION
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