Most Useful Paper For 9000 University of Nebraska Students
FOUNDED 6 P.M. WEDNESDAY
LINCOLN 8 NEBRASKA
Wednesday, November 16, 1949
Vol. 50 No. 45
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Simple Sim Cites Show
As Simmering
Mr. Bob Sim, president of Kos
met Klub, .announced today that
the annual Kosmet Klub Fall Sex
Show will be held at 8 p. m. this
Friday in the Coliseum.
In view of the huge sale of
tickets to the show he is antic
ipating another huge profit. Pros
pects appeared so good, accord
ing to Sim, that Kosmet Klub
was considering allowing their fire
insurance policy on the Temple
Theater to lapse and had given
up the proposed scheme of burn
ing the building.
Mr Jack Camnbell. treasurer
of the Klub, told this reporter
that the receipts from the 425,000
tickets sold would be applied to
the rental of the Lewandowski
Memorial Building. Campbell re
ported, that any remaining pro
ceeds from ticket sales would
be applied to the Cob-Tassel note.
' althought it may be several years
before Kosmet Klub can wipe out
the principal. Their treasurer
hoped that enough could be ap
plied to the note to appease the
houndings of Corn Cob Treasurer
Neal Baxter.
Crew leaders reported that the
show promises to be one of the
greatest ever held on this cam
pus and would do much to in
crease the Kosmet Klub reputa
tion (it needs it). The officers
claimed that although the skits
to be presented would remain
strictly censored as in the past
the review would remain highly
entertaining, and wished to em
phasize the fact that girls were
AOPi Named
In Suit
Miss Betty Boothc was the girl
seen in the dark green suit last
Sunday.
s .
Reveal Business Men's Club
As Long-Sot Red Boozers
Alter one of the fiercest men
hunt's in history, The Red Boozers
(no, that's not a typographical er
ror) were brought to injustice.
This group, known as Corn
Lickers throughout the dismal
corner's of their ill-famed section
on lower 16th street, were brought
to justice by a squad of 1,000
fighting Lincoln police led by that
Man of Distinction (he got that
on the Migration train) Police
Chief Roz Howard. During his
college career Howard came into
U.e limelight as the first presi
dent of the student council whose
sanity was not questioned by Dean
T. G. Thomelson, Don of Stupid
affairs.
Howard led his small force into
the lower abyesses of the Boozers
With Sex
invited to attend. That noted
emcee, John Carson will keep
things moving between acts with
his amusing chatter.
Those attending the show will
cast their ballots for their choice
for Nebraska Beastie and Prince
Ghoul in Garbage Cans at the
door.
Corn Nibbler
Gives Gripes
By Al Abramson.
hate Homecoming, but don't
die laughing. This place is dead
I enough as it is.
i What a joke! People knock
memseives out, jui iuui jmu "j
ing to get out of here, and then
some egg-head says: "Let's go
back for Homecoming."
So they come back, and for the
next 3(55 days they're happy ;
again. They know why tney len
Nebraska, and they're glad.
Maybe that's the true meaning
of the thing. It's kinda like the
annual picnic of the alumni of
Beaver Patrol of old Troop 769.
You go back just to prove to your
self that the people were really
jerks, just as you always thought
. . . only more so.
It's ironical.
People exist in this joint for
four good, otherwise profitable
years, just so they can say, "I
gotta B.S. from Nebraska." Oh,
brother . . .
And what do they find here?
The same old cold mashed pota
toes at every meal. The same
mumbling instructors. Same cam
pus cops, same flat beer, same
dirty rooms, same one o'clock
curfew, same T.J., in fact the
same everything.
But don't let this article stop
you from coming back to this
opium den. It's really a very
lovely place.
ft
hideaway, located below Rork's
Lower 6 street.
Chief Howard and his chief as
sistant in charge of reforming
University students, Margery
Johnston, survived the initial bar
rage of beer bottles and empty
shot glasses to establish a beach
head at the door of the hideout.
While these two brave, courages
souls were risking their Ph. D's to
get to the door they were covered
by members of their own gang,
Miss Foodey and Mr. Lock, who
layed down a barrage of spit
ball's and date grapes.
The group pictured above after
their capture were still a little
shocked, but 10 years in Dean
Thompson's closet should bring
them around.
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MOURNERS NEILSEN AND MACCUAIG Seen as they join
i i 1
iiaiiimuucin uiau.
Compus Mourns Loss
Of Our Friend
Early this morning a crushing
blow fell upon all campus Ches
terfield smokers. Nebraska's lead
ing "cylinder of sin" dispenser,
Keith O'Bannon, was found in his
strong room at the Delta Upsilon
house crumpled over an empty
case of cigarettes.
Police revealed that clutched in
his lifeless hand was a notice from
the state auditors that his books
on the finances of the DAILY
NEBRASKAN were to be checked
sometime early this week. O'Ban
non, whose free spending in thj
last few months, has aroused
much speculation on campus,
committed suicide by choking
himself with a tnousancr aouar
stack of twenty dollar bills.
Final Tributes
Already telegrams of tribula
tion have begun pouring in pay
ing the final respects to this man
who first gained campus notori
ety by establishing a fraudulent
pyramid club.
Among the telegrams was one
from Warden T. J. Tompkleson ot
the Nebraska State Reformatory
who lauded the late O'Bannon's
early financial wizardry in jug
gling reformatory books during
his stay there on a garter snap
ping charge.
Another wire from Frank Cos
tello, leading New York gambler,
credited all of his success in the
evasion of income taxes to O'Ban
non. He also praised his inde
fatigable efforts in setting up the
University's undercover football
parley system.
Services This Afternoon
As yet plans for the service art
somewhat indefinite, but Wnta
tively they will be as follows:
This afternoon the members of
the DAILY NEBRASKAN staff
who were the late O'Bannon's
associates will hold a wake at
DON'S, the establishment that
claims to have dedicated their
services to putting people under.
The campus itself has already
been draped in black crepe and
early this evening as a final me
morial a member of the Univer
sity music faculty will play 'I
m I "- f
v"T: '
Mo-
0Bannon
Found A Million Dollar Baby In
The DAILY NEBRASKAN Of
fice" on the chimes of the Muel
ler Carillon Tower.
Mr. O'Bannon is survived by his
survivors.
Ten Eligible
Baelielors
Seek Publicity
They're handsome, they're nifty,
they're eranrl if vou can read be
tween the lines and also between
the women's factions meetings.
Whn ran nonr it on the thick
est this next two weeks is the
next question.
May the best politicians and
slingers win.
We ask you to take a look at
Tast year's illustrious winners oi
this most honorable title.
They are still eligible, but what
for what. Ah, Ah, you guessed.
We wish to give a vote for those
who didn't make it. They have
been crying in their beer for one
year and are now in hopes that
their younger brothers will do a
better job. Get in there and pitch
boys. We v, ish you all the luck
in the world.
John Pill is up from the Sex
Above Everything house; Shorty
(I got wings) Pierce, Theta Theta
Thi; Oscar Rolls O'Bannon, Dirty
Underwear: Bob (111 get out oi
the mist yet, Allen) I Felta Deta;
A. J. (Who gets more than I)
Farber, from the I don't want to
set the world on fire boys. The
A.T.O.'s were allowed three can
didates, since they have a third
of the greek block population, and
are running Frank (who gives a
squarer deal than I) Piccolo; Bob
(they'll never catch me) Berk
shire; and Ted (I'm not so eli
gible) Randolph. Rich (Fire
Chief) Regier is running from the
White Pillar house.
We are sorry that space does
not allow us to expose all of the
candidates, but we do not wish
you to feel slighted.
Sorority Doors
Close on Two
Senior Sisters
As thousands of horror-stricken
specators sobbed uncontrollably.
"Magoo" MacCruaig and "Spook"
Neilsen were court-martialed and
drummed out of the sisterhood oi
Gamma Phi Beta today.
The expulsion of the two coeds
was caused by their failure to
comply with the all important
university regulation, namely, that
every undergraduate be engaged
by graduation day.
The ceremony took place on the
front steps of the chapter house.
As women sang "For We Can't
Stand You Near Us Anymore,"
the president removed the pins
from the erring pair. One of the
by-standers. Carolyn Tower, flung
herself before the crowd and gave
an heroic plea of forgiveness for
the two women, but to no avail.
She was asked to leave the prem
ises, give up her privilege to the
rnkp machine, and has been cam-
! pused for one year because of
' her obnoxious action.
Why Johnston, dean of immoral
' women, said that the whole situ
j ation was "utterly unbelievable."
! She pointed out that the last un
engaged undergraduate was buez
Canal, the well-known newspaper
propagandist.
Miss MacCuaig and Miss Neil
sen are unavailable for comment,
at present being submerged in
the traditional tub of cold water.
"Spook," a well-known crusader
and politician, was recently chosen
"Miss Nebraska Homebreaker" in
a contest conducted by veterans'
wives. Miss Neilsen won the con
test "hands down" because of her
successful crusade last year
against the institution of marriage;.
It is believed that Miss Neilsen's
attitude is due in part to the fact
that she can't find a husband.
Doc Lousy, director of the
speech department, was attacked
last night when "Magoo" Mac
Cuaig tried to carry him bodily
to the nearby Justice of the Peace.
Lousy stated, "However, I am
not surprised at her action. She
has been an habitual offender
since her arrival in school and we
have had much trouble keeping
male students in the speech de
partment." Miss MacCuaig and Miss Neilsen
are now accepting applications for
marriage. Blanks are available at
the main desk, Student Union, and
are due March, 1950.
No More Beer
For Younger Sel
Duane Lake announced today
that students must be seventeen
to drink beer in the student union.
Many violent reactions followed
this announcement.
JacK Shirmer was found re
clined under a booth in the Union.
When asked his opinion of this
edict, his, simple comment was,
"I'm floored." Marian Beatty, 21-year-old
A & S senior, foamed
at the mouth, took anotner annK,
wiped her hand across her face,
and growled. "It makes me mad
when they won't serve my dates."
The lengthy and illuminating
comment of Gerry Drulinor was
"Baaah!" One sweet sixteen lass
curled her upper lip. then her
bangs and sneered. "What's wrong
with this school? There's a caste
system (thumping her broken leg
against the wall). Every day I
have to go to classes. I don't be
lieve in classes. This is a democ
racy." Another freshman sweetie
smiled coyly and said, "All the
fellows call me baby, because I
spend all of my spare time in the
crib. Even though I'm plastered,
I'm not a wall flower."
Defiant Shirmer later this after
noon said, "I'm not taking this
lying down," swayed a bit, mum
bled, "I won't stand for this," and
fell on his face.
Genene looked Grimm.
