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THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
Friday, Tuly 1, 1949
JhsL (Daih VkJbia&liwv
Member
Intercollegiate Press
FORTY-SEVENTY YEAK
Tlie Dally Nebraskan la published 1y the students of the University of Nebraska as
a rir-sna of atudruts irwi and opinions only. According to article II of the BJ
J-aws govfrninr student publications ajid administered y tlie Board of Publications
"It la the declared policy of the Board that publication ander Ma jurlsdietkm UtU
bo free from editorial censorship m the part of the Board, or oa the part ef aay
member of the faculty or the university: but members of the ataff of I he MMly
nebraskan are personally responsible for what they aay or do or causa to be printed.
Subscription rates are SI. 00 per semester, $2.00 per semester mailed, or $3.04) for
the college year. 4.00 mailed. Single copy Se. Published daily during; the school year
eicept Mondays and Saturdays, vacations and examination periods, by the University
ef Nebraska under the supervision of the Publication Board. Kntered M Second
lass Matter at the Post Office la IJnroln. Nebraska, under Act of Congress, March
:t, 1879, and at special rate of postage provided for in section HQS. Act of October
8, 1917. authorized September 10, 192Z.
Editor M. J. Melick
Business Manager Keith O'Bannon
Chuckle
Although Eugene Field's affection for children is a
piece of pretty general knowledge his humor seems to have
been by-passed. The following are a few of his selections.
(Ed. note: At any rate, we thought they were funny.)
THESE ARE Mamma's Scissors. They do not seem to
be in good Health. We. they are a little Aged. They have
considerable Work to Do. Manna uses them to chop Kin
dling, cut Stove Pipe, pull Tacks, drive Nails, cut the chu
dren's Hair, punch new Holes in the Calendar, slice Bar
soap, pound beef Steak, open tomato Cans, Shear the New
Foundland dog and cut out her New silk Dress. Why doesn't
Papa get Mannma a new Pair of Scissors? You should not
Ask such a Naughty question. Papa cannot Affort to Play
Billiards and Indulge his Extravagant Family m the Lux
uries of Lifa
HERE WE Have a Business Manager. He is blowing
about the Circulation of the Paper. He is Saying the Paper
has Entered upon an Era of Unprecedented Prosperity. In
a Minute he will Go up stairs and Chide the Editor for
Leaving his Gas Burning while he went out for a Dnnk of
Water, and he will dock a Reporter Four Dollars because a
Subscriber has Licked him and he cannot Work. Little
Children, if we Believed Business Managers went to Heav
en, we would give up our Pew in the Church.
(Ed. note: By printing the above we do not wish to
cast aspersions upon our own business manager who has a
heart, rather than a purse, of gold.)
HERE IS a Man who has just Stopped his Paper. What
a Miserable looking creature he is. He looks as if he has
been stealing Sheep. How will he know what is going on,
now that he has Stopped his Paper? He will Borrow his
Neighbor's Paper. One of these Days he will Break his leg,
or be a Candidate for Office, and then the Paper will say
Nothing about it. That will be treating him just Right, will
it not, little Children?
Congratulations . . .
To the student body on the relative peace and quiet
which has been maintained on the campus previous to the
Fourth of July. Only twice have we been frightened half out
of our wits by a firecracker exploding in the dead of night.
There are rules which govern this sort of thing and the
university students seem to be adhering to them.
In the next breath, may we say, that there are also
rules governing traffic on the country's highways. Each
holiday seems to be marked with an unnecessary death toll
and often the toll is taken from the members of the
younger generation.
Everyone is anxious to get home nobody ever seems
to be anxious to come back but the extra minutes gained
by speeding are scarcely worth the risk involved.
The Lincoln safety council has a slogan which is par
ticularly appropoe. It reads, "Drive carefully, the life you
save may be your own."
So with this cheery thought we hasten to say have a
happy holiday and we hope to see you all of you on
July 5.
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We're stuffing a "success story"
down your throats today not a
fable, or a poem, or what have
you but a "success story." We
hope that in the future (after
reading this, that is) that you
will be able to spot a success at
fifty feet.
Golden Boy, as we shall call the
main plotter of the plot, has had
a career that would make na
tional politicos sick to their col
lective stomachs. He was brought
into the world in the usual way,
and had a pair of parents like
other people, or most other peo
ple, do. This pair happened to
have scads of money, the old man
having been some sort of a suc
cess himself. G. B. never had to
scratch for food or run around in
rags, or do any of the things that
it seems that artists must do, to
trod the path of glory and in
his peculiar way, G. B. was, and is
still, an artist.
Physically, Our Boy has never
been senational. . That factor is
probably one which contributed
to his strange outlook on life. To
tell the truth, we doubt if he
could ever have played a fast set
of table tennis but he's played
all the games that require mental
stamina.
Mental stamina is G. B.'s forte
and always has been. His powers
of observation developed, early in
life as he sat by his father's swim
ming pool, watching his parent's
business associates and friends
double dealing one another over
imported scotch, their wives, and
twelve shares of U. S. Steel.
He learned everything there
was to learn in his school books,
but he learned even more about
the art of gaining power over his
fellowmen.
When he graduated from high
school, he didn't get any honors,
but in a statement to the press,
G. B. reported, ominously:
"Someone must have made an
error. I am sure that in due time
this error will be rectified." Short
and concise. He didn't exactly
burn down the school building,
because some one might have, in
a moment of hysteria, attributed
the arson to the perpetuators of
the famous Reichstag fire and if
Golden Boy has a failing, it is
that someone else will take the
credit for his polite skulldrupgery.
The next school board meeting
was a naseo. The high school
mortgage was due, and guess who
held the lease none other than
the parents of our lad. The situa
tion's similarity to the "Who will
pay the mortgage I will pay the
mortgage ' movies of the twenties
was not lost on the townspeople,
for Golden Boy steals a lot of his
stuff from corny movies, even
now.
In College, G. B. came into his
own. tie came, equipped with
hand-sewn car and chartreuse
vest, to a higher school of learn
ing. He also came, with a number
of highly reputable references
from people he had never met.
Six months passed, and Golden
Boy started to climb. He joined a
fraternity and barely swallowed
his contempt for his less intel
ligent fraternity brothers he be
came known for his stellar wit,
and his way with a dirty pack of
cards, his stories of weekends in
Omaha, and his contributions to
the campus literary organs.
He joined forces with a couple
of other bright lads, who had the
itch to coiitroL
You might describe his present
position as chairman of a minia
ture board of control although
he is pretty much of recluse, even
still. His two "pals" bit the dust
from sheer exhaustion, but Golden
Boy surged ahead, until be con
trolled his small world of cam-1
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Now ...
That most of the booths in the Union have been repaired,
let us all hope that they will stay that way.
During the last semester, some very humorous prac
tical jokers seemed to take great delight in slashing the very
nice red seat covers in the crib, to bits. Time was when
the entire establishment looked as if it had been housing
Jack the Ripper. Most of the damage has been repaired by
now, but nature has a habit of repeating itself.
We have been yelling during the past few weeks about
intellectual freedom, but the sad condition of the crib would
lead one to betteve that many students do not have a great
deal of intellect to be liberated.
If the place in question were a high school cafteria,
the incident might be somewhat overlooked, but for the
University of Nebraska the slashed seat covers are ridicu
lous. Save those Boy Scout knives for a camping trip.
Speaking of the Union, another of its services proves
that the students of the university, if not intelligent, are
at least well read. The selection of books which have been
hocked from the book nook would make a constructive ad
dition to any library.
Another bit of unnecessary wit which could be dis
pensed with to the peace of mind and enoblement of all
concerned.
Eureka . . .
Which in Italian means, "I found it," rather adequately
expresses the condition of the one and one-half million dol
lars we discussed on Tuesday. Although our addition may
be picking up, it is obvious even to us, that our division is on
the blink.
It was called to our attention that the 8 million appro
priated by the legislature was for a two-year period. We
were also told that the Regents really scraped the bottcJm
of the barrel to come up with funds enough to run this in
stitution for the next fiscal year. Some of these funds came
from the building levy which was to have gone into the ten
year building program.
In words that we can all understand, half of the legis
lative appropriation, four million dollars, will be used by
the University in the coming year.
Who bats a lower average than we? Candidates will
please leave name and description of boners in box outside
Rag office door.
pus power. Interestingly enough,
he caught up the string of power,
and simultaneously the string of
power caught him.
He'll probably stay on campus,
and get his Ph.D., and play games
the rest of his life. People who
STEAKS CHOPS
SEA FOODS CHICKED
SANDWICHES IJ-K-QUE
Closed Monday
"Anything from a Bsie to a Banquet
171 1 Van Dora Air Cotxtetottrai
wouldn't give him a nickel for a
cup of coffee will scrape when he
walks by he will be wittier as
the years go by, develop stories
that are more preponderous than
they ever were before, and dis
play his acid tongue anywhere he
chooses.
Classified
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RENT A NEW CAR
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Summer Activities
M M.
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