Tues'day, February 15, 1949
THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
Page 3
(UJdiks
TO
I
rScandcl Bared
In Mausoleum
In a late bulletin, hand printed
on gold stationery, "Hotsy" Clark,
UN athletic dissector, announced
todav that an infamous tpnnis
racket has been discovered in the
Mausoleum
Coach Lollie Heppley stated, "I
don't understand how it happened.
The tennis racket arose before I
realized it. ihere is only one
course left for me. I'm all un
strung."
as ne leapt lrom the new
Physical Refiguration Building,
Hcppley's voice rang out mourn
fully. "I can see now that this
will drag my name through the
courts.
',
Members of the Athletic Bored
were unavailable for comment
(per usual), but Fig Flugg, promi
nent End man, stated his views.
(We didn't ask him). "I person
ally investigated this racket and
these' are my findings: a group
of students broke into the build
ing during exam week and ab
sconded with all the tennis equip
ment by mistake. Having so much
equipment on their hands that
they could never hope to use, the
students have been black-mailing
Coach Heppley for several weeks.,'
A. J. Spew, silting in his gold
plated olfice, moaned, 'We'll
never make a net profit now."
ATCTs Slump
Jn Iiilrumurals
According to Scrub Lem, sports
publicity director for the wom
en's snooker team, the Alpha
Tassles Omegas "ain't been do
ing too red hot." After a clean
sweep in the penny pitching tour
ney and a first and second in
the "malt" guzzling tilt, the ATO
sportsters have slumped miser
ably. It has been rumored that
they ara seriously considering
transferring to a different league.
(The Isaac Walton maybe).
4 J
t
t t
tvt py:
ARDENT ADMIRERS rush to congratulate Nielson after the
come of the Tiddly-wink Tourney is announced.
OUt-
Intramural IJt's The Man
Giraffes are the greatest lov
ers of all times, because they
have the longest necks.
Standings
A limited schedule of games
was played in the Intramural
Leagues, Monday. The only
scheduled events taking place
were in the mixed-doubles Hide
'n' Go Seek tourney.
The AlDha Flea "A" team
strengthened its hold on second
place in League 1, by romping
over the Doalts 13-3. Awful Tan
O's "C" club slipped past the
binga Delta Taus 11-10 in an over
time. Play was halted because
of darkness.
League 2 action saw Sigma
Alpha Everyone swamp the
AG-Pot's 32-17. Phi SigTi poured
through 22 pints to pace Pie Thi
to a 31-28 win on a wet field!
Fly Gams squeezed the Triple
Diapers, 22-20.
The only upset of the day were
the Koppa Dolts who crushed the
Bettas, 50-31.
Dee Gees were ruled ineligible
for competition by the powers
that be because of previous victories.
Who Pays
A. J. Spew, university pay
ments consumer, announced to
day that a new system of com
fort stations is being installed in
the men's locker room. This sys
tem requires a slight fee of one
nickel for all intended users.
With this arrangement in
force, new employees will be
needed. This problem was solved
immediately when Spew an
nounced, "I have two cousins
who will be glad to help us out
(at $7.50 an hour)."
Change can be obtained from
Spew's office at the rate of four
nickels for a quarter, eight for
one-half dollar. This may seem
a high rate of profit, but Spew
stated, "We need the extra money
to make ends meet."
CORN SHUCKS STAFF
MEETING, EDITORIAL ONLY
BRING ALONG ANYTHING
YOU THINK MIGHT BE
CENSORED, 7:00, TONIGHT.
Nielson Cops Honors
Ira Tiddly-winEt Meet
Gracie Nielson rode to the in
tramural tiddly-wink champion
ship with her outstanding per
formance Monday afternoon m the
towel room of Grunt Memorial
Hall. Nielson, who also copped
the mumble-peg laurels in No
vember, is the only double winner
in the history of the university.
Displaying a developed form
and polished technique, Nielson
tiddled wink after wink into the
scoring cup, edging out her oppo
nent, Miriam Crick, A. W. O. L.
board prexy, with an overwhelm
ing score of 401-2.
Nielson's sponsoring house,
Gamma Flip, lost all hope of vic
tory, Friday, when it was dis
covered that she had a hang nail
on her tiddling thumb, but uni
versity trainer. Back Burger,
shaped her up nicely and she was
in excellent condition.
After receiving the round-trip
to Crete or Ashland as grand
prize, Miss Nielson said "I'm very
glad it's over. Tlease hand me a
Cheaterfield."
SPECIAL BULLETIN
Word has just reached the Daily
Blunder that Miss Neilson has
just sprained her tiddling thumb
trying to open a cold can of root
beer. Oh woe! All hope is lost for
the Blg-7 Tiddly-Wink champion
ship. . Miss Neilson only comment
was, "anyway I can still enter the
chess tournament."
Don't let the CORNHUSKER staff fool you;
CORN SHUCKS helped pay for and put out
this issue too.
DONT MISS THE MARCH
ISSUE OF CORN SHUCKS
its a si:-i iijj;i.
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yes, make the 30 d j
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(fx
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A
due to Stitciii
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7
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t bacco Co., Winston-Salem, N. C