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Sunday, November 9, 1947
THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
PAGE 5
Old Grad Misses Homecoming
But Gets Glimpse of Drawers
By Rich Martin and
Chuck Ilemmingsen
It had been twenty years since
Homecoming Day of 1927 when
I had been kicked out of school
for selling cheating material in the
girls' dorm. I had sworn that I
would never dance to' "Old
George' Olson at a Homecoming
Dance again; but, since most of
the band were now using instru
ments I decided to participate in
this battle.
Draw One
My first stop upon arriving in
Lincoln was Don's, where I had
hung out in the old days. After
filling out at Don's I drifted up
to the Supid Union, where Milt
Meyer and Punk Shraeder were
still playing odd man out, flipping
two-headed coins. Murribling to
the bouncer at the front door
about my buddies in the back
booth I pushed my way into the
Crib. Listing slightly portside, I
made my way up to the man of
distinction, who was shooting
double-talk to a two-headed cada
ver at the end of the bar.
"Ajax," I said, slapping my
gold dust on the mahogany,
"crank out a glass of Smell-O
(yellow, mellow, Smell-O is the
beer that made Milwaukee shame
less and Malcolm famous) with
an extra straw for a Harry Mann,"
who had just slipped up beside
me. After pinching Harry's straw
I drew in those last delicious
drops of Smell-O (yellow, mellow,
" Smell-O is brewed from the prod
ucts of 33 fine, porcelain bath
tubs). Ajax, looking at me
through eyes like two burnt holes
in a blanket, said, "This is the
last straw, you'll have to drink
the next one straight from the
glass."
Having heard that latest jive
box hit Those Beautiful Strains
from Hernia too many times, I
brabbed a huge Gallup Poll and
vaulted out the window. Before
I could pick myself up I was ac
costed by Lucy Drawers, who
is in reality the mother-in-law
of Harry Mann. I followed her
to her spacious one-room apart
ment in the Pigalle of "S" street.
I was greeted at the door by
Mr. Drawers and his son "Stinky."
At first I tried to get rid of old
man Drawers so Lucy and I could
get down to some mad love; but,
when Mr. Drawers told me he
was an ex-dealer in second-hand
furniture, I knew Lucy wouldn't
allow much on the old couch.
Bottoms Up!
Hours had passed since I had
had that last glass of Smell-O, so
when Mr. Drawers offered me
a glass I eagerly grabbed it just
as Harry's palm clamped around
the bottom of the glass (Harry
follows me everywhere). Not
wishing to cause any disturbance
I released my grip on the glass
and swiped Stinky's stein.
I was rapidly getting Stinko
on Smell-O when I suddenly came
to my senses the game! The
Homecoming dance! My parlay
card! It was midnight the old
grads were older grads and home
coming was over.
Straight
Skinny
Poop from a Group.
This week's best seller "The
Orgy in Room 432," or, "We
Should Never Have Left Home,"
by Ax Adams, Grouse Draeger
and Bill Monroe. Always fast
moving, with smatterings of hu
mor and sex, this tale is our
choice for the Pollutizer Prize.
Sig Chis Musk-Oxen staged a
momentous celebration in honor
of their founder, Paul Buckley,
this week-end. 'Betcha it was mo
mentous. Is it over yet?
Thetas at Columbia wish to ex
press their appreciation for the
fine serenade given them by Dake
Novotny, Rod Cox, Rollie Emmett
and Rusty Galloway.
Old Stuff.
Ex-pinmates Johnnie Rushton
and Shirlee Wallace are at it
again. How long will its last this
time?
Bob Metheny, who seemed to
have the inside track in the race
for Norma Rakow, is fading fast.
Old flame Tom True seems to
have this event by a length.
They Were Just Seen Out
Bill Rundle and an unidentified
girl were seen at the Pla-Mor
Sunday night last. Well, they
were just seen out.
A little blonde at Terrace Hall
has been singin the blues for
weeks because she hasn't had a
chance to meet Cletus Fischer.
Help her out, somebody.
Kenton Couples.
Stan Kenton packed 'em in at
the Pike Friday night. Johnny
Observe Sadie Hawkins Day
With Dance Saturday Night
SADIE HAWKINS
PROCALAMTION
Know all Dogpatch men whi.. ain't
married by these presents, and
specially LLi'l Abner Yokum:
Whereas there be inside our town
limits a passel of gals what
ain't married but curves some
thing awful to be, and
Whereas these gals' pappies and
. mammies have been shoulder
ing the burden of their board
and keep for more years than
is tolerable, and
Whereas there is in Dogpatch
plenty of young men what could
marry these gals but acts ornery
and won't and
Whereas we deems matrimony's
joys and being sure of eating
regular the birthright of our
Dogpatch womanhood,
We hereby proclaims and decrees,
by right of the power and
majesty vested in us as Mayor
of Dogpatch,
Saturday Night, November 15th
Sadie Hawkins Hop
Whereon a footrace will be held,
the unmarried gals to chase the
unmarried men and if they
ketch them, the men by law
must marry the gals and no
two ways about it, and this de
cree is
By autority of the law and the
statute laid down by our re
vered first Mayor of Dogpotch,
Hekzibiah Hawkins, who had to
make it to get his own daugh
ter Sadie off his hands, she be
ing the homeliest gal in all these
hills and no two ways about
that, either.
Given under our hand and seal,
this, the eighteenth day of Octo
ber, 1947. in the town of Dog
patch, in the State of Kentucky.
I. J. McGURGLE,
Mayor of Dogpatch
Git yore man and come to the
SADIE HAWKINS HOP
Saturday Nite, Nov. 5, 8:30 to 12.
Student Onion Barnflore
Price $1.00 per couple, plus tax
Dave-JIaun on the Fiddle
Sponsored by the Student Union
Activities Com. and Prairie
Schooner Magazine
Ayers-Sal Holmes; Sandy Crawford-Julie
Rathbone, and Brick
Paulson-Nancy Miller were part
of the big crowd that welcomed
Kenton back to Lincoln.
What Gives?
Kappas would like to know
what the skindorva is on this Bill
Wenk-Mary Jean Rademacher
deal. It's apparent it's parent
trouble. .
Nancy Watkins surprised DG
sisters Thursday with a sparkler
from Curt Hasselback. It was a
three-week secret.
Also Pikin' out to Kenton Fri
day night were Bill Eythe and
Joy (what'll I do when Bob
comes) Norman.
Sig Eps started Homecoming
day with a breakfast dance at 7
a. m. Housemothers fast check on
those Friday night dates.
shoir a shapely ankle,
bare a pretty shoulder
in ballerina
or ball gotcn
that stcirls you through
uhirls men off their
25.00 upward.
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