THURSDAY, APRIL' 1, 1937
TWO
THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
LAWRENCE PLEADS
THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
OF
THIKTY-SIXTH YEAR
Ag College to Erect New Stable
EDITORIAL STAFF
Editor George Plpal
Managlnq Editors Don Wagner. Ed Murray
Newi Editors Wlllard Bm-ney, Helen Pascoe. Jane
Walcott, Howard Kaplan, Morris Llpp.
Barbara Rosewater.
Sports Editor Ed Steeves
Society Eri.tor .....Virginia Anderson
ON THIS ISJE
Desk Editor .V",Bn"I
Niflht Editor
BUSINESS STAFF
Business Manager Bob Shetlenberg
Assistant Managers Bob Wadhams, Web Mills,
Frank Johnson.
Circulation Manager Stanley Michael
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CMICAOO . BOSTON . SAN FRANCISCO
LOS ANQELSa PORTLAND VSATTLI
RECREATION
If we had a PICTURE, we would run it at
the TOP of the page.
It would be used to ILLUSTRATE this
editorial.
But we don't have a picture.
So this will be an UNILLUSTRATED edi
torial. This is an editorial on ALL WORK AND
NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL E0Y.
The SAGES of history have handed down
that FAMOUS principle. The Romans, the
Babylonians ALL agreed with its context.
Even CARLYLE said WORK IS OUR
ONLY SALVATION, BUT IT'S MORE FUN
TO PLAY.
And Justice McReynolds says WE
SHOULD ALL BE GOOD SPORTS.
In the LABOR THEORY OF VALUE,
Karl Marx makes provision for FUN as well
as WORK.
The NEBRASKAN likes to PLAY. The
NEBRASKAN believes that one out of ONE
HUNDRED AND SEVENTY editions and
TWO TABLOIDS should be GOOD CLEAN
FUN.
The NEBRASKAN could find no better
date lor JOYOUS YOUTH to indulge in FES
TIVITIES than APRIL FOOL'S DAY.
We hope you ain't mad.
of the INTOLERABLE situation on our
CAMPUS.
SMOKING in the halls must STOP.
All thee GREAT MINDS have opposed
SMOKING.
SARAH LOUISE MEYER says "It makes
a chimney of the nose." '
It also makes little MARKS in the LINO
LEUM floors of our hallways.
If it does not stop VOLUNTARILY, we
shall have to resort to VIGILANTEISM. VIG
ILANTES are people who wear black robes
and swear to blood oaths.
No NICE PEOPLE like VIGILANTES.
So you'd better stop. SMOKING in the
halls.
VIGILANTEISM
This is a MUST editorial.
In newspaper parlance, a MUST editorial
is one that the CHIEF says you MUST run.
MR. HEARST did not send us a telegram
from SAN SIMEON or NEW YORK telling us
that we MUST run this one.
Neither did the CHIEF in WASHING
TON, nor the COMRADE in Moscow who sends
us our monthly allowance.
We decided this one MUST run because
COMMUNISM
This is an editorial on COMMUNISM.
COMMUNISM is a SUBVERSIVE force that
threatens the CONSTITUTION we love.
The CONSTITUTION stands as a mighty
wall holding back the sea of FREE LOVE and
threats to AMERICAN PROGRESS that come
with COMMUNISM.
Some people would rather live under a
TYRANT like STALIN than a BENEVOLENT
DICTATOR like MR. ROOSEVELT, whom we
love.
These people are BORING FROM WITH
IN. They are UNDERMINING our GREAT
AMERICAN SYSTEM.
HISTORY has shown that all govern
ments have fallen when someone BORED
FROM WITHIN. All the GREAT THINKERS
know that COMMUNISM threatens everything
we love home, the hearth, the fireside, the
pipe and slippers.
We must UNITE, comrades, and drive
COMMUNISM from our shores. The AMER
ICAN PEOPLE will not TOLERATE dictatorship.
SahbahiAmA.
By Joan &
John Barb
The most epochal coup in all of
Nebraska Barb history was staged
bv the Barb Interclub council at
of shimmering: flannel will be
modeled by Virginia Hyatt, Eli
nor Kelly, Muriel Krasne, and Pat
Peterson.
The latest in "red undie" lin
gerie will be shown in the review
by the famed trio of Deloris Bors,
Dorothy Bose, and Virginia Gris
wold. while Frances McQuillan,
Velma Ekwall, and Jean Stone
will model costumes exemplifying
special meeting held last night ; wn t th dressed prl win
in U. hall when the Barbs, seeking
by a surprise move to demoralize
Greek forces, decided to bolt their
faction and run independently in
the election May 11. Council Pres
wear to fire drill
For Breakfast.
Climaxing the review will be the
appearance of Betty idener,
ident Austin Moritz personally led ! Ruth Rapalee, and Virginia An
the leftist movement which al-derson in breakfast .costumes of
ready has the support of four fra-j waffle cloth. Shades of eggshell
ternities. He declared that the and peach will be featured in
Barbs had lately become so arous
ed against their lark of represent
ation in campus offices that new
ballot boxes of sufficient propor
tions to accommodate the anti
cipated 3.200 Earb votes were be
ing ordered.
Greek political party pacifica
tors, unnerved at this unlooked
for strategy in the Barb camp,
are attempting to placate the
rampaging Barbarians, by offer
ing them 20 percent member
ship in the student council, and
the junior class presidency on
alternate years. "These concilia
tory gestures will avail them
nothing," shouted Moritz to the
council members.
"We have too long been ground
under th tyrant's heels. From
now on we hold the whip hand.
If the fraternities expect to have
liny men in office let them give us
their whole, hearted support now!
A week hence will be too late!"
When the council president cooled
down a hit he added further: "Pig
ma Alpha Epsilon. Kappa Sigma,
Delta t'pMlon, and Phi Gamma
Delta, fraternities which ha al
ways loyally supported the Barb
raufe, are now behind us and we
expert others to join the ranks of
the Barbs within the week."
At the game meeting Dean
Worcester and P.ar.som Slayton
wer delegated to compose cam
paign slogans ;ind mottos. Moritz
will personally supervise the se
lection of arm bands to be worn
by the Earbs from now until elec
tion time.
Only other interesting Barb
happening during the week
which we have noted was a de
cision taken at a joint meeting
of Palladian and Dclian Union
these outfits.
As for the rest of the costumes
of the 979 models, Miss Cherny
refused to comment, explaining,
"With this galaxy of pulchritude
going on review we feel that there
is little need for further comment.
We are sure that there will be a
capacity crowd with the amount
of information we have given al
ready and we know it won't be
possible to seat more than a thou
sand on the picket fence."
Martha Morrow, skit chairman,
bar ked Miss Cherny in her state
ment by saying, "Tickets are on
sale at '25c."
FAPMERS FAIR BOARD
INVADES HORSE BARN
IN SIT-DOWN STRIKE
(Continued from Page l.i
building, but none were admitted
except Dean Burr's secretary, who
carried a large brief case and
seemed to be the go-between in
the struggle for supremacy.
Board Members Speak.
Various members of the board,
with the exception of Mr. Hed
lund who stayed in his stall, gave
shgrt speeches from the windows
and the roof of the barn. Earl
Heady, vehement In his belief that
the students must sit down to get
what they want, aired his views
on the chief objections to Dean
Burr's appearance in the riding
contest.
"We understand that the Farm
er's Fair plans are up to us. We
were as surprised as you are to
hear that Dean Burr plans to ride
with the girls. We advocate that
everyone in ag college has his or
her little part in the fair but as
to knock out the wall between j there is plenty of room for the
the two societies and join Dean in the reviewing stand, we
forces. "Interest in Literary ac
tivities is at such a low ebb,"
said Ed Fischer, president of
Dclian Union, "that we are
forced to this drastic measure."
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
EASTERN CHORUS
GIRLS TO MODEL
IN COED FOLLIES
f Continued from Page 1.)
modeled by this striking quartet.
Shoes and purses of onion kin
will serve as accessories with the
outfits.
A-Yachtlng We Go.
The Yachting Club Girls. In
cluding Barbara Rosewater, Mar
cla Ross, Jane B-Il, and Flora Al
bin will appear in glamorous cos
tumes of high grade canvas with
hats and purses of the sume mate
rial. In contrast to theso outfits.
"Belle of the Nighties" costumes j tlon."
will stay here until he leaves the
trophy winning to the young
ladien." Gesticulation with his last
sentence proved too much for Mr.
Heady and the crowd cheered as
he fell out of the window. Unhurt
he jumped from the ground
rushed into the building and sat
down again.
Down But Not Out.
Marjorle Francis, waving a
small red flag, denied any com
munistic leanings and I'd the as
sembled crowds in a number of
the Farmer Fair rally songt.
"We may be sitting down but
we're not out," she gcreamed.
Dean Burr remained in hi ot
fice. His secretary was noneom-
municativ. "If the students want
to sit in the Htm Barn they art
welcome to do so as long as they
don t inconvenience the horses
The Dean's wants are not unrea
sonable and he refuses concilia'
SLEUTH UNCOVERS
'RED' PLOT AMONG
POLITICAL SCIENTISTS
(Continued from Page 1.)
all out" but that he had been
beaten to it.
Hill Sighs.
"This may seriously affect the
international situation," Prof.
Norman Hill sighed, "but maybe
we can have a little excitement
for a change. Our next step was
to have been the propogandizing
of University Place and College
View."
Prof. J. P. Senning waa in
coherent. Prof. David Fellman eluded the
Nebraskan reporter with the state
ment that the matter would take
further study and he would have
a brochure ready for the press
within several months. Prof. Lane
Lancaster admitted that the whole
thing probably didn't mean much
in the end and. "what's the use
anyway." he added.
Sleuthing Reporter.
For several days a staff man
was assigned to spy out the activi
ties of the department members
and to report their doings. One
whole day he spent In the office
of the Chief Instigator, hiding be
hind a stack of papers and books.
He found nothing unusually until
accidentally rubbing his perspir
ing brow with an old newspaper,
he discovered that he was holding
a recent copy of "The, Daily
Worker."
The real clue, however, was a
tune. All of the men involved in
the scandalous plot to substitute
a vicious, foreign form of govern
ment for our great democracy,
were often found humming the
"International." This lead to the
final discoveries that blew the lid
of the UnAmerican organization.
The Commander of the Ameri
can Revolution issued the follow-
ing statement which explains the
attitudes and expresses the con
victions of all true Americans. He
said:
"Italy may have its Fascism,
Germany may have its Natziism,
Russian may have its Communism,
but for America there is only one
ism, and that ism is Americanism."
OLD CONSTITUTION
Republican Leader Speaks
At Founder's Day Dinner
In Booth at Moon.
"Let's stick to that old constitu
tion it's good enough for Sim
mons and it's good enough for
me, pleaded James E. Lawrence
die-hard Republican leader as he
left the speakers stand of the
rounders day banquet of tne
Republican party held in the rear
booth of the Moon. Lawrence
launched a scalding attack on all
present administrative policies,
"My friends," the state's lead
ing Republican and one time
mentioned as a possible cabinet
member under the Landon regime,
began. "We have been hearing a
lot of noise from Washington
about the trouble our president is
having in plowing a field with a
horse that can not seem to get into
the spirit of the thing. But here
I say to you my friends my good
friends that while I was working
out on Sam McKelvie's farm
while he was serving as governor,
I learned that when we put two
young colts on a plow, it was
always a pretty good idea to leave
an old horse in the rear to keep
them from breaking up the ma
chinery." Stop Federal Relief.
"We must, my friends, put a cut
in the throat of federal relief. It
is absolutely against the principles
of our great democratic nation
and the sooner that our relief bur
den is relieved thru Republican
forces this problem will be solved.
The Democratic party is not dead,
nor is Roosevelt a "wet blanket"
in his small circle of Democratic
friends, but, ladies and gentlemen,
we must save our nation from the
ravages of dictatorship."
"In conclusion, my Republican
colleagues, let me say to you that
we are headed out of danger. The
Democrats in Maine and Vermont
are leaning toward Republicanism.
If this is so, our country will be
unanimous."
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
STOKE GETS THOMAS
TO SPEAK AT TEMPLE
(Continued from Page l.l
Hons, since Harry Elmer Barnes
and John T. Flynn could be
classed as little more than laven
dar liberals. It is in the interests
of this minority, whose Interests,
by the way, should be protected
in a democracy, that we have
secured Mr. Thomaa."
Questioned by th Young Com
munist's league as to the possi
bility of securing Comrade Earl
Browder for a later address, Mr.
gtoke put them off with the
statement "Maybe, after the legis
lature is out of session."
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
F. D. R. WILL OFFER
FOSTER SUPREME
COURT JUDGESHIP
(Continued from Page 1.)
a place on the bench of the na
tion's highest tribunal, my sense
of justice and patriotism could
hardly let me decline the honor.
Reiterates Stand.
"Altho I can only reiterate my
stand that the present court is
functioning admirably, it stands
to reason that if nine judges are
good, 16 judges ought to be twice
as good!" Here the dean smiled
gently as tho conscious of the
logic of his argument.
When queried as to whether he
favored the change to come by
constitutional amendment or a
congressional act, Dean Foster
stated, that he has been feeling
for some time that the constitution
is becoming a somewhat antiqu
ated document and that he doubted
the wisdom of trying to patch it
up. 'It would be about like putting
a new roof on University hall,"
he explained, again smiling gently.
'Congress has done very well
this far in following the lead and
suggestions of the president, and
this is no time to decide to go
half hog only. I shall have a more
carefully arranged and revised
statement to make tomorrow. I
fear that the suddenness of the
announcement has caught me with
my thoughts somewhat uncollect
ed," confessed the dean, smiling
gently.
LANDMARK FALLS
ALL OVER CAMPUS
DURING TORNADO
(Continued from Page l.l
somebody working late who had
let the door slam shut on his way
out, but the noise continued for
fully ten minutes so I investi
gated", said the officer of the
night. "On my way over I met a
student Janitor and told him about
what I thought had happened. He
said he was responsible only for
cleaning the dirt and rubbish
around sosh and did not want to
take on more work than he could
handle. I met another student jan
itor tho, and we both explored
the ruins as soon as we got to
them. The wreckage was very
complete. Not a chair nor table
was left with a leg to stand on,
and all the walls, floors and ceil
ings were heaped together in a
conical pile of junk." testified the
campus cop, adding, "Except the
top."
Librarian Contacted.
The head librarian could not be
reached in his office until 7:00,
due to faulty phone connection.
He said he had noticed that the
door was not in its usual place
and that he intended to push the
campaign for a new library. The
campaign was started 15 years ago
and has been gathering momen
tum, adherents, and dust continu
ally since then.
There was only one tragedy oc
curing from the crash. That hap
pened . to a student who was re
turning an overdue book at 7:50
this morning. His desire to return
it was so frantic that onlookers
3 " d
44 J IM
A
'J :
I.
1 tIJ
Plans for the immediate erection of 'a new air cooled staoie on the Agricultural college campus aie
underway. Architects have presented the above photograph of the Delta Upsilon house as an exam
ple of the type of architecture to be used in the building. The boys from 17th and E opine that the
completion of the duplicate building should prove quite stabilizing to their organization.
had to hold him back to keep him
from putting it where the reserve
desk was. He said that he had to
return it or pay an additional 50
cents which he couldn't afford. He
was taken in a state of collapse
to the student infirmary.
Due to the present state of af
fairs, no books will be issued to
any student, even if he has paid
his fees. All library activity has
been temporarily suspended.
Sooner or later the legislature
is going to realize that Nebraska
university needs a new library,"
said Arnold Levin, president of
the council. "Now is the time to
request one. We must strike while
the iron is hot and this little in
cident is fresh in the minds of
everyone."
A mass meeting of student in
dignation has been called for 7:30
tonight in the coliseum to call the
attention of the university to this
catastrophe.
"This campaign must not blow
over like the library has," stated
another student leader.
NEBRASKAN ELEVATES
NEWS TO HIGH LEVEL
(Continued from Page 1.)
such inanities as "Seen on the
Campus."
Motivation for the new policy,
the editors disclosed, came from
the Chicago Tribune, which, in its
front page lead story last Sunday
ran a dispatch from Jerusalem,
Judea, written in 47 A. D. by one
Luke.
"If the Chicago Tribune can do
it," they declared, "its good enough
for us,"
Beginning in the next issue, the
Nebraskan will reprint selections
from Lewis Carroll's "Alice In
Wonderland" as a satire on the
present court system.
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
The DAVIS
School Service
"A Good
Teacher Agency
643 Stuart Bid?. Lincoln
EARL "DEACON" MOORE
Composer Ding Dong Daddy. Bye Bye Blues, etc., and His Band.
TURXPIKE
Friday, April 2nd
A.. ;(., tic Cs. Adv. Ssl st Dsmslson Florsl Ce., 1304 N. Door, S5e ts.
PLAYERS TOP '37
SEASON WITH
BROADWAY SUCCESS
(Continued from Page 1.)
the settings were perfect. The New
York Philharmonic Society's Sym
phony orchestra played as an
overture some of the selections
from the Kosmet Klub Show.
The rlav deals with the modern
problems of social climbers in the
age of modern scientific achieve
ments. The lines of the play are
probably some of the greatest
prose of .the century. This play
will live not only as a dramatic
masterpiece of the theater, but as
some of the greatest of modern
literature.
Dramatis Permniu-.
rk AlfrM Liint
Rntll( LMin Fontin
Glunt Nofl Coward
Aflftanl Oiant Lfallr Howatd
Chttt Ogre Baull Ra'hhnne
Jark's Mothar Eva I-a Cnllirnnr
Jurk i Hisier Marx"!
Jarilsnir Tnhn Barrvmnre
lock s Couln Sophie .. .Catherine Cornel!
Maid Pollv Ollatiy
Builr Rlthard RirW
Voire offntaee HHrn Fox
Pap . Har! Ji-nkh
Moh Porni Bovnton
Assistant Oirra Paul pofran
Crowd in the Marketplace: Mar
jor Bannister, Vera May Peterson,
Sarah Louise Meyer, Armand
Hunter, Don Buell, Herbert Yenne,
and Bill Marsh.
Direction by Max Rienhardt.
Cos tu mes by Adrien.
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
ENGINEERS FACULTY
PLANS NEW SKY RIDE
FOR IMMEDIATE USE
(Continued from Page 1.)
having a capacity of twenty-five
students, three faculty members,
one motorman, and a canary.
Express elevators will rush stu
dents to the top of each tower
into which more than 1,500 tons
of stainless steel and concrete
will go. Cost of the structure has
been tentatively set at 3 millions
of dollars although substitution of
cast iron in a few of the joints of
the giant towers may reduce that
figure by several hundred dollars.
Campus Cop Jubilant.
Landscaping of the mall is a
logical step now according to
Dean Ferguson, and plans have
been submitted by several firms
calling for a plot strewn with lily
ponds, orange trees, arbor vitae
and other flora. "With the com
pletion of the new sky ride, 99
students out of 100 will cease
walking across the mall," states
the Campus Cop, "and I'll handle
the rest."
The designers of the sky ride
modestly disclaim complete orig
inality in the project, there hav
ing been a somewhat similar
structure a few years ago in Il
linois at the Cook county fair,
also referred to in the newspapers
as a Century of Progress Exposition.
UNICAMERAL GIVES
$2,500,000 TO N. U.
(Continued from Page 1.)
and other kibitzers will be hence
forth dispensed with, so that an
bitious students can court in said
nooks without molestation.
(4) The unsightly Sosh will be
removed and a lagoon will take
its place.
(5) Said lagoon will be stocked
with fish, and classes will be in
augurated in "Angles of Midnight
Angling" or the "Technique of
Fishing Under Difficulties."
(6 1 A dance hall will be con
structed, partly on a pier and
partly on the vacant lot next to
Sosh.
doing things, but I have never had
a key to wear. Maybe they will
give me one, now that I am head
of a great university."
Dr. Earl Cline, member of the
board of regents, declared the
change to be one that would make
history for Nebraska. "Advertis
ing is what this university needs,"
he stated. "With an athlete like
Francis at the head of our in
stitution, with nationwide weekly
broadcasts featuring student dance
orchestras and singers, we can
double the enrollment."
He refused to say what would
ba done with them if they did come
to Nebraska.
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
SIGMA TAU MEMBERS MEET
Engineers Discuss Judging:,
Common Weeds Today.
Members of Sigma Tau, hon
orary engineering fraternity, will
discuss the judging of cereal an4
forage crops and the identification
of common weeds at a luncheon
meeting this noon, Grand hotel.
Professor Edison will lead the en
gineers in the discussion.
Harry Brown, vice president of
the honorary, will give a report
of the organization's national con
vention he attended last October.
All members are certain to be
present, the present president of
Sigma Tau, confidentially told a
Nebraskan reporter.
Gridiron Dinner Tonight.
H. SAMFRANCIS
DONS BURNETT'S
E00T3 AS PREXY
(Continued from Page l.l
appointment as the highest execu
tive of the university. "I don't
know much about the workings of
a university,'' he offered. "But in
case they are ever in need of an
other coach I'll- certainly shine
there."
A Good Chancy.
"I am furs that. I will make a
good chancellor," he continued. "I
understand the problems of every
one, students, athletic department,
etc. Besides I have received all
sorts of watches and medals for
No Foolin'
You Get So
Much More
Wear From
Your Garments
By Having Them
Sanitone Cleaned
Sa n i t tine Absolutely i''
movfs nil soil from the
very heart of all fabrics,
revives the colors to their
oripinnl beauty.
Modern Clsaners
Soukup & Westover
Call F-2377 Service.
"EVER SINCE 1904"
'H
t cAiM
HEY LOOK, MEN!
...'v'-;s'
i Ms
Mm
J
iililii liilii!'' f$ ills.,,,;!'
Iff T
PA N E T E
; ,-v, .. 1 i XII II LJ
A perfect exam grade . . . Yes,
and that's a perfect cigar he's smok
ing. It' a LITTLE FENDRICH
PANETELA . . . the mildest, most
enjoyable smoke ever . . . (It's nude
from imported long-filler tobaccos)
. . . And we'll bet that he and all
the fellows are unanimous in pro
nouncing LITTLE.. FENDRICH
Cigar j . . . 00 ... 6. K.!I
1 fl
CM
LAS
