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just struck 7 aixd the rest
less impatience Avliich indicates that
dinner is being kept waiting had
settled on the three members of the
Wilkins family assembled before the
drawing room lire Mrs Wilkins looked
continually from the work on her lap
to the clock on the mantelpiece Avith
an expression which would have been
more amiable if it had been less con
trolled Miss Wilkins affected to be
reading a book but the constant tap
ping of her foot on the carpet showed
that her thoughts were not following
her eyes Miss Gertie Wilkins had less
constraint She moved restlessly from
the clock to the window and back
again from the window to the clock
with discontent in her face and grumb
ling in her voice At last she broke
out
If I were engaged Id teach him to
be puuetuai Dicks always late
Her sister did not answer She was
meditating the best manner of exe
cuting judgment on the offender and
had just decided on a course of ex
treme severity when a ring at the bell
relieved the general tension There he
is said Gertie Ill give him a piece
of my mind and she darted out of the
room Mrs Wilkins and her elder
daughter carefully settled their fea
tures into an expression of cold dis
pleasure and waited the arrival of
their visitor They could hear the
sound of voices below at the street
door but there was no noise as of the
door closing or of anyone entering the
house They had almost forgotten
their displeasure in their curiosity
when Gerties step was heard bounding
up the stairs again
A telegram I expect said Miss
Wilkins wit hill concealed disappoint
ment
Really that would be most annoy
ing now her mother remarked
The next moment Gertie rushed into
the room bearing not a telegram but
a large and expensive bouquet of yel
low chrysanthemums A boy brought
these for the lady of the house she
annouuced and he cant say whom
from
WJmt do you mean exclaimed both
ladies in a breath their interest di
vided between Gertie and the remark
ably handsome bouquet which she car
ried
Just wliat I say The boy said he
was ordered to leave the flowers at No
19 for the lady of the house and he
doesnt know who sent them Arent
they nice
What a curious thing said Miss
Wilkins
What beautiful flowers said her
mother They must have cost at least
10 shillings Who can have sent
them
Why cant you guess Gertie in
quired Its as plain as A B C Who
could have sent them but Dick Its a
peace offering for being late of
course
The idea instantly found favor
Otf course its Dick said Miss Wil
kins
Of course it is said Mrs Wilkins
What a very kind thought But he
should not have spent so much money
No doubt he had to go out of his way
to geC them and that made him late
He could not get such flowers every
where But why send them anony
mously Why not bring them with
Mm
vOh I suppose he thought it would
be fun to make us guess said -Miss
Wilkins You see he sent the flowers
on first so that our curiosity about the
giver would be at its height when he
arrived
As if to confirm the theory there was
at that moment a ring at the bell and
Gertie from the Avmdow annouueed
that the long expected guest was at the
door
It would show our appreciation of
the gift said Mrs Wilkins if we put
the flowers on the dining table You
arrange them Gwenne dear will you
I will receive Richard And Gertie
please tell the cook that she may serve
up dinner
Immediately afterwards Richard
Johnston entered Mrs Wilkins drawing-room
with much misgiving in his
heart and a profusion of apologies on
Lis lips He knew that he was neirly
twenty minutes late and that unpuuc
tuallty was one of the most serious of
offenses in the eyes of his betrothed
What was his surprise to find the
mother of his betrothed all smiles and
graciousness His excuses were quite
unnecessary there had be n no in
convenience in fact they Lad hardly
noticed that he was late at all He
was at once conducted into the drawing-room
where his reception by Miss
Wilkins and Gertie was of the same
bewildering and unmerited cordiality
He had no time for private confer
ence with Miss Wilkius but she sat
next to him at dinner Whenever he
tried to apologize for being late she
smiled at liim with a particularly kind
ly eye and assured him that they
quite understood
Poor Johnston could not readily ad
just himself to a reception so different
from that for which he had braced him
self Why did they all smile at him so
knowingly True he had had his mus
tache curled before leaving the city
but that could hardly have made so
favorable an impression
As the soup was being removed Miss
Wilkins pressed his hand under the
table and wliispered tenderly
Thank you dear so much It was
nice of you Mother was very pleased
Johnston increasingly uneasy whis
pered back in innocent inquiry
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What about
Oh you silly boy Did you suppose
that I should not guess There Avas a
flattering emphasis upon the I but
for the life of him Johnston could not
think what he had done to deserve it
lie had not time to turn the question
over in his mind for Mrs Wilkins de
manded his attention
You see to what good purpose they
have been put she said with an ap
preciative smile for Johnston and a
meaning ghtnee towards the flowers in
the center of the table
Johnston looked at Mrs Wilkins and
then followed the direction of her gaze
to the flowers with a perfectly blank
and bewildered expression
Miss Gertie then took up the case for
the prosecution
Oh its no use trying to look stupid
Johnston bowed we knew directly
it was you
It here occurred to Johnston that the
speediest method of clearing up he
mystery would be to affect a guilty
knowledge of the facts So he put on
his airiest manner and answered
So you found me out directly eh
There is no deceiving your sagacity
Gertie
It didnt want much sagacity said
Gertie who else could it oe
Who else indeed said Johnston
It is useless for you to try to do
good by stealth smiled Mrs Wilkins
But you must allow me to blush to
find it fame retorted Johnston
What was it that betrayed me
Oh dont imagine that the boy
split said the younger Miss Wilkins
Gertie interrupted her mother ad
monish ingly
What did the boy say asked John
ston cunningly for he was deeply in
terested by this time
Mrs Wilkins replied He asked the
maid whether our house wits No 10
and then gave her rhe flowers ior the
lady of the house Gertie ah--happened
to be in the hall and asked him
from whom they came But he said
lie could not tell
The situation was now clear
Sis certain confirmation of his guilt As
well is he could for laughter he tried
to get out IJit this is all a mistake
His protestations were received with
polite smiles of incredulity and the cita
tion of further incontestable proofs of
his guilt After some minutes of his
vain contest Gertie broke in
Of course it was good fun to make
us guess but now that we have
ed
whaits
longer
the use of pretending any
Yes Dick is was very sweet of you
but you must liave known that we
could not be long in the dark and
Miss Wilkins pressed his hand under
the table again
And there is no reason why you
should not take the thanks which you
deserve said Mrs Wilkins as though
closing the subject
Johnston roared aloud There he
was surrounded by people who insist
ed in spite of all protestations in
thrusting gratitude upon him for sume
thing he had not done The situation
was too comic The ladies however
were rather annoyed They naturally
thought that the thanks which they
had expressed so graciously were
worthy of being recekod with more
respect
I must say I should appreciate the
joke better if you did not carry it quite
so far said Miss Wilkins
Mrs Wilkins tone was distinctly
colder as she added Well Ave aviII say
no more The ilOAvers Avere very avoI
come and it Avas exceedingly kind of
you to send them Richard
It really looks as though you Avished
us to keep on thanking you continued
Miss Wilkins
Oh its just a man said Gertie
from the altitude of seventeen sum
mers spoils everything for the want
of a little tact
These remarks brought Johnston to
his bearings It Avas evident that lie
must at once disabuse the mind of the
family
Yes but suppose I didnt send the
flowers after all
Then Avhat have you been laugning
for and blushing and going on in that
Avay asked Gertie unanswerably
I really think we had better lt the
subject drop said Mrs Wilkins se
verely
I shall begin to Avish you hadnt sent
the flowers at all if you persist in this
silly mystery said Miss Wilkins Avith
rising Impatience
But my dear G avou be reasonable
pleaded Johnston rather alarmed at
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SHE REGARDED JOHNSTON WITn STERN ACCUSATION
ston realized with alarm that he Avas
supposed to have been the donor of the
handsome bouquet Avhicli he saAV be
fore him That he actually Avas not
responsible for the courteous attention
with which he was credited he felt in
some Avay to be a reproach and he
blushed with shame He had it on his
lips to say My dear Mrs Wilkins I
did not send the flowers but his cour
age failed him It would be such a
nasty fall from grace for him and such
a slight upon the ladies discemnient
No he must break the truth gradually
and hedge a little longer
I suppose you got them at Masons
inquired Gertie
No I did not said Johnston
Then it Avas Gregorys Thats the
only other shop near I thought it was
Things are ever so much cheaper at
Gregorys Mother thought youd paid
at least 10 shillings for them
Wherever you got the flowers hur
riedly broke in Mrs Wilkins they arc
very beautiful and I thank you again
most cordially
But you really must not thank me
protested Johnston I havent admit
ted that I did send the flowers And
in any case to attempt to thank the
donor is to disregard his wish to be
anonymous
If you really wished not to be found
out said Mrs Wilkins you would
not hae chosen my favorite floAA ers
yellow chrysauthem urns
Besides you looked so conscious as
you came in said Mrs Wilkins
Thats the Avorst of being late
though Johnston
And I saAV you recognized the flow
ers directly you entered the room
Yes added Gertie and the way
you tried to look as if you didnt un
derstand was awfully weak Anyone
could see you were pretending Why
youre still blushing I declare Look at
him Gwen
Johnston could not help laughing the
evidence against him Avas so strong
and this beliaAior of his was regarded
the turn things wore taking I never
said that I
Really Dick I dont AAant to argue
tins question any longer Presumably
you Avished your flowers to give pleas
ure you are assured that they have
done so and I wonder you cant see
what a pity it is to go on talking about
them till they become anything but a
source of pleasure It is so silly and
so very gratuitous
But I assure you my dear girl that
I did not send the -flowers said John
ston Avith desperate earnestness
Gertie whistled and Mrs Wlikius
looked grave
Really Dick this is too much If
you Avill insist in continuing to amuse
yourself in this way it shall not be at
my expense When you think the joke
is exhausted you can let me know
With this Miss Wilkins swept out of
the room and Johnston feared by the
look on her face that her anger would
not be easily appeased
There was silence for some moments
Why dont you own up said Ger
tie as she followed her sister out of
the room
When she Avas left alone with him
Mrs Wilkins appealed to Johnston
again
Really Richard she said Avitli the
sort of kind severity one would ex
tend to a fractious lunatic I think it
is a pity that the evening should be
spoiled in this way especially when it
promised to be so pleasant Whatever
your reasons for this obstinacy may
be is it Avorth while making us all un
happy
Poor Johnston looked dismal and des
perate enough The joke had evidently
lost its point for him
May I tell Gwendoline Ahen I go up
stairs that the mood has passed
continued Mrs Wilkins
That tbe mood has passed It Avas
too much for poor Johnstons temper
Yes he said Say Im awfully
sorry that I didut admit at once that
I sr t the flowers This Avas strictly
true
Thats right said Mrs Wilkins
cheerfully as she left the room
Johnston was sore and savage but
he did not see why other peoples un
reasonableness should spoil his even
ing If they Avere so determined that
lie had sent the flowers he Avould con
tradict them no more
Presently Miss GAvendoline reappaer
ed She had evidently determined to
overlook Johnstons perversity and he
soon forgot his troubles When that
peculiar degree of tenderness had been
reached Avhich prompts lovers to ad
dress each other in the third person
Miss Wilkins began playfully to im
piwe the occasion
And he Avont be a silly boy any
more Interlude And he AAont
tell any more naughty stories An
other interlude Say I send the1
flowers Attempted interlude No
not till youve said it
At this happy moment and before
Johnston could reply Gertie burst into
the room Avith the simple ejaculation
Well
She stood in the doorway regarding
poor Johnston Avith stern accusation in
her eye and he quailed before thatj
glance realizing instinctively that ho
avjis in for it again
You really must not bounce about
the house like that Gertie said Miss
Wilkins Avitli some irritation you
make one think that something dread
ful has happened Whatever is the
matter
Ask him said Gertie pointing to
the miserable Johnston avIio awaited
his fate Avith the fortitude of despair
It was a good joke Avasut it con
tinued the mistress of the situation
No Avonder you laughed so much
What a pretty pair of fools Ave must
haAe seemed Gwen
What do jou mean aijked Miss
Wilkins Avith rising impatience
Why I mean the floAA ers of course
Then allow me to tell you that avo
have agreed to let that subject drop
once and for all
Oh have Ave replied Gertie Un
fortunately there is someone at the
door- avIio Avont let it drop The boy
is here again
What boy
The boy who brought the HoAvers
Well
He Avants them back Theres been
a mistake He ought to have left them
at No 9 instead of No 19
Conscious of the indignation kind
ling in his sweethearts eyes Johnston
Avith the inspiration of despair saAv
that there Avas only one course possi
ble to save the situation
He burst into as plausible an affecta
tion of hearty laughter as his nervous
ness would permit The ladies looked
mystified but unrelenting
Be good enough to explain your
self said Miss Wilkins
Its awfully funny isnt it said
her sister sarcastically
It is It is laughed Johnston
Dont you see Its part of the joke
telling the boy to come back for the
flowers Ha ha ha It Avas to make
you believe that I didnt really send
them And leaving no time for
tioning Johnston rushed doAArnstairs
thrust a sovereign into the boys hand
and slammed the door upon him
During the rest of the evening Miss
Wilkins mood Avas preoccupied as one
who ponders deeply But Gertie had
evidently been sternly forbidden to re
fer to the subject of flowers and they
Avere not mentioned again Blow far
Miss Wilkins realized the true state of
the case Johnston never kueAV but
Avhen he was ordering the bridal bou
quet he Avas given particular instruc
tions to leave his card with the florist
Cassells Magazine
Saved from a Rattlesnakes Fangs
Johnnie the grandson of B F Gar
rabee living near Argyle Fla had a
narrow escape the other day and he
OAves his life to the quick wits of his
brave sister a pretty 15-year-old girl
Johnnie was down at the pond fishing
when he saw a rattlesnake He at once
killed it A few seconds later he saw
another one which he killed likewise
He then saw a third coming out of Its
iole
This rather frightened the boy and he
started for home As he passed along
the path another snake which he had
not noticed sprang at him its fangs
catching in his coat tails The fright
ened boy ran like a deer to the house
shouting at the top of his voice His
sister Ethel who Avas on front of the
house saw him coming and also no
ticed the big snake twisting jerking
and circling behind him She Avas
triming some bushes and had in her
hand a sharp knife
As Johnnie passed her she made a
strike at the snake but missed it
Run around the house Johnnie she
called to the boy and come back
here The frightened boy had just wit
enough to bear and obey Around and
around the house at full speed the
rapidity of his movements keeping the
snake out so that It could not get a
firmer hold and strike him Ethel sta
tioned herself near the corner of the
house and as the boy came around she
made a careful calculation and brought
the knife down cutting the snake in
two just back of the head The fright
ened boy ran a few steps further and
fell down in a dead faint The snake
nearly five feet
was a monster being
long and had it been able to strike the
boy the poison Avould have killed him
instantly Ethel did not seem disturb
ed over her exciting adventure and she
received a great many compliments for
her quick wit and bravery
The Reason Why
English Tourist Dont any of you
Scotchmen wear trousers What do
you do for pockets in those kilts
McGab Hoot For why should we
hae pockets Avhin theres Baething but
hands tae put in them Cleveland
Leader
OTJE BUDGET OF FUN
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born SayhiKS
and Doings that Arc Odd Cnrious and
Laughable The Weeks Humor
Then Ke Heard of Another
Spatts Did you hear about Mr
Snickers falling in a dead faint last
night
Bloobumper Yes but I had often
heard of an unconscious humorist be
fore New York World
An Example
Professor Flease give an example
of actions speaking louder than words
Adlet When a man calls for soda
water and accompanies his order Avith
a wink sir Harlem Life
His Birtlnlav ompliincnt
Wife We have been married twelve
years and not once in that time have
I missed baking you a cake for your
birthday Have I dear
Hubby No my pet I can look back
upon those cakes as milestones in my
life New York Tribune
Other ide
Greeble Is that your baby
CraAVdon No sir the possession is
on the other side Hes not my baby
Im his father Boston Transcript
Took It Bnck
Tom Singleton I hear youre engag
ed Congratulate you old boy
Benny Dictus You didnt hear it
quite right Im married
Tom Singleton Oh excuse me old
ma n Pick-Me-Up
v
vSl
Had to Do All the Work
S SZ
tSiV A Zf
C otf M
Come come Why dont you pedal
a little I cant push this tandem
alone
Capital Punishment
Teacher Johnny you may tell me
what is meant by capital punishment
Johnny speaking from experience
Thats Avhat a feller gets fer commenc
in his sentences with small letters
Up-to-Date
His Terms
Did you see that Mrs Goliath the
wife of the strong man Avas knocked
down and robbed of her purse
Why didnt he help her
Oil his terms are 20 a night
Tick-Me-Up
Too Frank
Lord de Liverus I regard you as a
perfect treasure sweetheart
The Heiress Youre much too frank
to please me New York Tribune
Harsh
Mrs Womanrites The contest for
president of our club is becoming ex
citing but I think AA e Avill manage to
seat Miss Strongmind
Mr Womanrites You might better
employ your time in seating Johnnys
trousers Tit Bits
Time It Was Gone
Mr Henpack said the doctor after
examination I fear your wifes mind
is gone
That doesnt surprise me said the
poor man She has been giving me a
piece of it eAery day for ten years
Memphis Scimitar
A Doubter
Weathers Do you think any of these
detective stories have any foundation
in fact
Raines Me I wouldnt believe a
detective under oath Typographical
Journal
Willies Condition
Well Willie asked grandma have
vou had all the dinner you want
No answered Willie but I have
had all I can eat Answers
Trapped Elocution
What do you think of Nansen as a
lecturer
Well it seemed to me that he never
properly Avarmed up to his subject
Pick-Me-Up
Iookinjr Ahead
Wheeler I suppose Avhen flying ma
chines are invented youll get one and
be happy
Mrs Wheeler Yes until the next
years model comes out Truth
The Modern Mrs Caudle
Mrs Jones You wretch You dis
grace me before my neighbors coming
home in such a drunken state
Mr Jones But mdearsh no one
saw me
Mra Jones No one saAv you No
but every one can hear me telling you
of it Sketchy Bits
Worse
Aleworthy has quit drinking entire
ly since he married
He has quit drinking but he has
contracted the bargain counter habit
Indianapolis Journal
Te Difficulty
There is no occasion for you to
t iU - nnc nT 1
iier sjiiii iiif iiiiaitriuua cLoviit
have as many troubles as you
I allow you do mister admitted
Dismal Dawson but the difficulty
Avith me is that I aint got anything
else Indianapolis Journal
Not a Cannibal
First Neighbor That is a very dainty
dog of yours I threw him some cold
sausages this morning and he wouldnt
touch them
Second Neighbor What do you take
him for a cannibal New York Tril
une
A Good Ear for Music
Accounted For
He reasons in a circle
Ah That accounts for his arj
ments never coming to an end In
dianapolis Journal
His Motive
Toller I dont believe that Meglln
gets his money honestly Id like to
know what he does for a living
Willet Perhaps there Avouldnt be
stealings enough for more than one
Exchange
Do Be Considerate
Wiggins I never argue with a wom
an In the first place its a bore and
then again it never does any good
Mrs Henpeck Ah but you forget
how much joy it gives to the woman-
Truth
IWhat He Got
Bill Just got back from Washing
ton
Gill Yes
Did you get the Presidents ear
No but I got a piece of his mind
Yonkers Statesman
Discriniinatinc Agreement
George describes the girl he is en
gaged to as a perfect Aision
Yes and his sister says she is a
sight Indianapolis Journal
Superlative Ancnish
Ethel fsympatheticallj Its no won
der poor mother weeps from the pain
of that swollen face
May Its not the pain that makes
her Aveep dear its the thought that
the Womans Rights Club meets here
to night and she Avont be able to talk
Judge
A Check
How do A ou stand on the financial
question
I think I shall stand pat At least
Avhen I Avent to the bank I was told
I could not draw Indianapolis Jour
nal
Too Obedient
Kind Lady Ah if you had done
Avhat your poor mother told you you
might not be in this situation
Convict I dont know She told me
to go out into the world and mako
money Detroit Free Press
And There Are Others-
Wfl MM
Ethel Arent you sorry for Greece
Edith Why whats happened to it
Pick-Me-Up
919 No Wonder
Bacon None of the women will speak
to Penman since he Avrote his last book
Egbert Why Is that
Why didnt you hear the name of It
Women of AH Ages Yonkers
Statesman
Pleased to Fee Him
Why are you so hungry Tommy
you took your luncheon to school did
nt you
Yessum But I met a poor hungry
tramp and I gave it to faim
You did And was he pleased
Yessum He said he hoped hed have
the pleasure of meeting me again
Harpers Bazar
Faster
Crimsonbeak Sprocket was telling
some remarkable stories of the speed
he made on his new wheel
Yeast Well you know Sprocket can
lie as fast as a horse can trot
Well I dont knoAv about that but
I do know that he can lie faster than
his bicycle can go Yonkers States-
man
No Exception
Wife It does seem hard when a
man marries she has to take her hus
bands name
Husband Well she takes everything
else hes got why leave that out
Judy
The Proper Diet
Im going to be a contortionist when
I grow up said little Johnny proudly
Im in training now so I want you to
tel lme what is the best thing for me to
sat
Green apples my boy chuckled tha
old man Demorests Magazine
4
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