Cherrg Gountg Independent
VALENTINE
NEBRASKA
We are forced to admit tnat compell
ing that St Paul man to pay 3500 for
2000 kisses smacks of extortion
Barnums chimpanzee has learned to
smoke cigarettes And yet she has
been supposed to be a fairly intelligent
monkey
Johanna Barnums chimpanzee has
been taught to smoke cigarettes But
that isnt very remarkable many of
the lower animals do it
It wil cost over 13000000 to buy
new sites for the schoolless children of
New York But even at this ligure
schools are cheaper than jails
Asses and mules are more numerous
than any other species of domestic ani
mals in Spain Some of them are able
to bray in Spanish and throw stones
A Missouri firm has contracted to
supply 500 mules to the British War
Department But isnt it treasonable
to supply the enemy with instruments
of destruction
It is said that PattI has refused an
offer of 200000 for forty concerts in
this country That matchless voice
seems to be going higher or coming
higher every year
A Buffalo man inserted an advertise
ment the other day for a wife and
within a week received 638 replies Too
many marriageable women seem to
have been put off at Buffalo
A Minnesota divine healer who per
forms miracles by the laying on of
hands laid his hands on a farmers
horse the other night and it will take
a miracle to keep him out of Stillwater
A letter from Paris says that the high
toned butcher shops of the French cap
ital are now selling camels meat If
the rest of the world expects to equal
this record it will have to get a hump
on itself
No selfishness is so hideous as the sel
fishness which prevails among the pas
sionate who having enjoyed all the
wild delirium of pleasure with each
other heartlessly abandon one another
In tfee hour of extremity
That Nebraska girl who proposed to
a farmer just for fun and then jilted
him should be punished severely by the
courts as an example The new woman
must not be fresh Henceforth we
hope she will try to be a better man
A Cleveland girl who had a young
man arrested for kissing her admitted
on the witness stand that she had
kissed him first The defendant wras
discharged It loked like a clear cas
of justifiable osculation in self defenso
A woman in St Paul swore in court
that a neighbor man had kissed he
2132 times It takes all the romance
and enjoyment out of osculation to re
fleet that the party of the second pari
may be keeping tab on her cuff all the
while for court purposes
If the north pole was not to be found
by an American it is a matter of satis
faction that the discoverer should bo
a Norwegian Next to the Phoenicians
the Norse have been the worlds great
est seafaring race and it is not abso1
lutely certain that they did not dis
cover America
The report that R L Garner the
master of the monkey language is to
be sent to Africa again proves to be un
true It is hinted that possibly through
his subtle influence too many people
have been induced to make monkeys
of themselves already in Africa
The German Kaiser seems deter
mined to express his contempt for
everything English The ink is scarce
ly dry on his telegram to President
Kruger of the Transvaal when comes
the news that he has forbidden the
use of the British monocle by officers
of the German army He says that the
use of the single barreled eyeglass is
a ridiculous affectation and he
wont have it
Several Russian war ships are win
tering in Klau Chau Bay and Russia
has secured in this harbor one of rhe
most important gateways of Northern
China Its position is convenient o
Corea and it is one of the sea portals
of Pekln A coal field is situated with
in 100 miles of the bay and near it is
one of the best iron mining centers of
China While the other powers of Eu
rope are making faces at the Monroe
doctrine Russia is walking off with
prizes that seemed beyond its reach a
few months ago
Military visitors from Europe have
always been surprised at the laxness
with which strangers have been al
lowed to inspect American fortifica
tions often being allowed to roam
about wherever they pleased without
a permit Recent orders have been
issued which in certain cases at least
will Impose much greater strictness in
this respect The Commandant at
Fort Hamilton N Y has received in
structions from Washington to refuse
admission to strangers and wicked
British spies seeking to lay bare our
weakness will herCvier be kept at a
distance
Baron Nordenskjold is of opinion thai
In the coming century Siberia will oc
cupy the same position as a bread pro
ducer for Europe that America has held
for a long time past He says that north
of the parallel of about 60 degrees the
country is mostly immense deserts
without forests and so cold as to for
bid cultivation But south of those
deserts there is the greatest forest belt
in the world extending most of the
way from the Ural Mountains to the
Pacific coast South of this forest belt
up to about 50 degrees of latitude are
the great Siberian plains having a
black soil of unsurpassed fertility At
comparatively small cost this soil could
be made to produce each year great
crops of wheat rice and maize These
could be exported during the summer
season through the waterways of the
Irtish Obi Yenesei and Lena with
their numerous branches and in the
winter by the Siberian railroad which
will touch all points of importance on
these fertile plains The rivers and
their branches will be connected by
numerous canals and the railroad fin
ished early in the next century and
then an era of enormous development
in Siberia will have begun Port Dick
son at the mouth of the Yenesei in the
Siberian Sea which was discovered
by Nordenskjold is named by him as
one from which navigation to the Atlan
tic Ocean can be performed without
much difliculty when it has been con
nected by telegraph with the coast
tions so as to receive information about
the rapidly changing ice conditions iy
the Siberian Sea
John Jacob Astor a person whose
name ought to indicate his ability to
pay his honest debts appears in the
public prints of New York in the con
temptible role of evading his obliga
tions to the public treasury If Mr
Astor were less eminent an individual
there would be general expression of
the belief that he had perjured himself
to swindle the public treasury As Mr
Astor belongs to the class which is mere
ly exhilarated when other people are
drunk which commits a breach of trust
in doing what if done by less fortunate
persons is stealing which violates the
social convenances when it indulges
in irregularities classed among less re
fined folk as adultery Mr Astor in
short being one of the class guarded
against the vulgarity of plain speaking
has doubtless done nothing more than
to indulge in a little polite equivoca
tion through motives of thrift A yeai
ago Mr Astor admitted his possession
of personal property to the value for
taxing purposes of 2500000 This
year he takes his solemn oath that h6
is reduced to 250000 worth of personal
property Some curiosity is expressed
in New York to know what he has done
with it The Astor collection of pic
tures statues jewels and
in the big house at Fifth avenue and
Sixty fifth street has not been moved
and people who know declare it worth
2500000 itself There is no apparent
falling off in the quality of the Astor
horseflesh nor has any outcry arisen in
financial circles bver scandalous deple
tion of the Astor bank account For
this remarkable shrinkage in the Astoi
assets no plausible explanation can be
given unless it be the answer to the
ancient conundrum about the 12 year
old boy who never had a brother or sis
ter yet begged alms for his baby niece
The boy lied but who dare say thai
about an Astor Doubtless most people
will believe that Astor by direct per
jury or by fraudulent temporary con
veyance of his property to other hand
swindled the revenue officials Bui
what harm will come to Astor througt
this conviction Will he suffer in sochu
standing as he might if detected cheat
ing at a game of cards Will his credit
suffer as it would if he made a fraud
ulent statement of his assets in ordei
to get a loan at a bank Everybody
knows that no such consequences wilf
attend Astors evasion of his taxes IS
lis matter of common notoriety that he
did only what rich men all through the
nation do habitually His case only es
capes being typical because of his per
sonal notoriety and the size of the es
tate involved If he had escaped pay
ment of a debt due an individual by
committing perjury or even by juggling
with the title to his property his course
would have been widely reprobated
and criminal prosecution might have
followed To evade payment of a debt
to the people is only regarded as clever
Mr Astor is the heaviest land owner in
New York City If he dodges payment
of taxes no one profits so much by taxa
tion of other people as he If the streets
in which his houses stand were not
lighted cleaned and policed his rents
would fall off It might be worth while
for the people of New York to consider
the wisdom of shifting the burden of
taxation from the things Astor can hide
away to his broad acres of city blocks
always open to the view of the assessor
The Beetles Strength
A note dentomologist who had been
Writing on the wonderful feats of
strength as exhibited in the beetle fam
ily tells the following I selected a
common black water beetle weighing
four and two tenth grains and found
that he was able to carry a load of shot
in a small bag the whole weighing
eight and one fourth ounces or exactly
85S times the weight of the bug If a
man weighing 150 pounds could cany
as much accordingly he could shoulder
a forty-five-ton locomotive and then
chain a train of cars together and take
the whole lot across the country at a
gait
Location ot Garden oi Eden
Noahs wife is said by Armenians to
be buried on Mount xVrarat and the
Armenians trace their ancestry back
to Japhet in one long genealogical tree
They have a tradition that the Garden
of Eden was located in Armenia
The old man likes to tell about tne
toughness of his youth but if he was
really tough lie keeps still about it
It would surprise a man if he knew
how soon after he employs a man that
man begins to criticise his mebtods
THINGS BEING EVENED UP
I stole down by iihe brooklet side
The moon was bright
I stole a dozen kisses there
That blissful night
I stole a march on other men
I knew my part
I was so good at stealing that
I stole her heart
Now we are happy man and wife
Why seem it strange
If when Im fast asleep in bed
She steals my change
-Yonkers Statesman
JUNITA
Well what is it
Lady to see you sir
By appointment
No sir but very important she
says
Very sorry Too busy ask her to
write
Frank Hayler bounced away from
the telephone and flung himself into
his chair muttering maledictions on
the heads of all ladies or otherwise who
would insist upon calling or worrying
the life out of a busy editor on what
they were pleased to term important
business
That was the third time during the
morning that he had been rung up on
some utterly frivolous pretext and he
was angry But his anger was intensi
fied as the telephone bell began to ring
again He threw down his pen in
despair and rushed to the instrument
shouting at the top of his voice
What is it
Very sorry sir lady wont go away
Says she must see you Shes waiting
Let her wait was Franks angry
rejoinder No he added almost im
mediately Show her up
He sighed to himself with a resigned
air and as he walked toward his
writing table he could not help think
ing what a fool he was to allow an im
portunate woman to interfere with his
mornings work
And his work that morning was par
ticularly heavy He was the editor
of the Chatterer a paper that had not
yet taken hold of the public fancy He
was convinced that it would do so
eventually that is if his funds lasted
long enough Meanwhile he wras doing
his best to turn out some attractive ar
ticles and here was this woman
A timid knock at the door notified
him that this woman was close at
hand
Come in he said in what he prided
himself to be his best editorial voice
although he really felt very angry
The door opened and when he looked
at the intruder he muttered to himself
Poetry or a subscription list
The lady who had thus braved the
lion in his den as it were was neither
young nor pretty She was rather tall
though stooping somewhat and very
dowdy looking Little cork screw
curls were hanging on each side of her
face which was almost completely hid
den by a thick veil
Pardon me for intruding in this
manner she said in a peculiarly weak
falsetto voice but I felt that I must
call upon you in person and I am ex
tremely obliged to you for seeing me
I hope I do not interrupt you in your
work
Not at all said Frank airily I
have one or two things waiting to be
done but they are of no consequence
Wont you take a chair
Thank you so much she replied
as she sat down very carefully on a
chair with her back to the window at
some distance from Frank
What can I do for you was
Franks question
I just called to ask if you would be
so good and she paused as she
opened her hand bag and drew out a
flat brown paper parcel
I knew it muttered Frank to him
self Poetry
Then addressing his visitor in the
firmest tone he could command he
said
My dear madam I can assure you
that we have no room for poetry
Poetry sir she squeaked and
there was a touch of indignation almost
in her voice I would not think of
offering you poetry
Frank thought there was just the
slightest amount of emphasis on the
you and he wondered whether she
was laughing at him He wished he
could see her face but owing to her
position with her back to the light
added to her thick veil he could not
distinguish her features at all clearly
No sir she continued I have
here three short stories which you will
find eminently suitable for your pa
per and I am sure that they will be
appreciated by your readers
Frank was so used to hear people
speak in similar praise of their own
work that the egotisical speech did not
at all surprise him as he replied
I hope that when the stories are
published other people will think as
highly of your work as you do your
self
My work she said with a startled
air I did not say that they were my
work I am here on behalf of a very
dear friend of mine to offer these sto
ries for your consideration
But why take all that trouble You
should have posted them to us They
would have been carefully considered
No I would not trust them to the
post I wanted to see you personally
and give them to you in your own
hands and suiting the action to the
word she advanced toward Frank and
offered him the parcel He reluctantly
took it from her exclaiming
1 am afraid I cannot promise ihat
they will be accepted We are over
crowded with short stories
I do not want you to promise that
Lll I ask is that you will read them
I will read them certainly
Thank you so much ThTs is very
kind of yon Good morning
Frank touched the bell and politely
Lowed his visitor out She responded
with an old fashioned courtesy and
with another smiling Thank you
descended the stairs
Frank sat himself at his table and
banged the brown paper parcel down
viciously He took up his pen but not
to write The thoughts would not be
led away from the recent interview He
could not help laughing outright at
the quaint old lady and her squeaky
voice Then he began to toy With the
parcel Finally he opened it there lay
the three stories neatly typewritten
He looked for the authors name and
address All that he could see imme
diately under the title of each story
was By Junita No name no ad
dress
Well this is the oddest experience I
have ever had he muttered to him
self Then he thought he might as
well read one of the stories He did
so and words of surprise and delight
kept rising to his lips Then he read
the second which gave him still more
pleasure After reading the last one
he exclaimed
By George heres a find Junita
my friend I lift my hat to you meta
phorically speaking You are a genius
If you dont make your fortune and
at the same time give the Chatterer a
big leg up my name isnt Frank Hay
ler
And after marking a big A on
each of the manuscripts he went out
to lunch
When he returned he set to work
vigorously and whether it was the
lunch or the satisfied feeling that he
had accepted something that morning
which would enhance the value of his
journal from a literary point of view
he knew not but he certainly sur
prised himself at the excellent matter
that seemed to flow from his pen
He wrote far into the afternoon
When he had finished he proudly ex
claimed
There if those articles dont put
some life in the thing and if Junitas
stories dont send up the circulation
Im a Dutchman Frank old man
he continued as he slapped himself
complacently on the breast the Chat
terer is going to boom large I know
it I feel it Junita has come in the
nick of time She has brought me
luck
He went home to his bachelor cham
bers in an excellent frame of mind
After a light dinner he dressed very
carefully and took a cab to the Pan
theon Theater where he formed one
of the large audience assembled to
witness the debut in London of Miss
Agnes Trenderville a new actress from
the provinces who had been spoken of
very highly wherever she had appear
ed Frank was an enthusiastic first
nighter for he had made up his mind
that the Chatterer should be well to
the fore in all dramatic matters
He was delighted with the new ac
tress - She was a revelation and he
felt that he could honestly praise her
in the columns of his next issue As
he strolled into his club on his way
home from the theater the first man
he met was Jimmie Fleet the emi
nent dramatic critic who greeted him
with
Well Frank old man what do you
think of her
Think of her my boy Shes splen
did
So I think You mark my words
shes the coming actress
Coining Jimmie I should say that
she has arrived very much so and
what is more she has come to stay
He was right The new actress was a
success from the very start Inter
views portraits sketches concerning
her appeared day after day in almost
every paper and Miss Agnes Trender
ville was the most talked of lady in
London while the Pantheon theater
was crowded to excess every night a
thing that had not happened for many
months past
Frank Hayler was fortunate enougn
to be introduced to the eminent actress
a few days later at a fashionable at
home He was surprised to find how
unassuming unaffected and distinctly
lady like she was What wonder that
he fell in love with her at first sight
He was introduced to her as Mr
Hayler the editor of the Chatterer
The new number of the paper had
appeared that morning containing an
exhaustive appreciation of the new ac
tress one of his own articles and the
first of the stories of Junita
Oh Mr Hayler was the remark
your paper interested me very much
this morning
I am very pleased to hear you say
that he replied I am glad you liked
my criticism on your performance
I did not mean that I do not take
much notice of the criticisms on my
acting forgive me for saying so as
she saw a shade of disappointment pass
across Franks face for where they
are all so good there is certain same
ness about them that just becomes a
wee bit monotonous
Yes I can quite believe that was
all that Frank could say
But what I was really interested in
was the story By Junita I read it
over and over again
Did you really I knew people
would like it at the time I accepted it
Oh I do not suppose everybody
would be so stupid as I am she re
plied But it seemed to appeal to me
stronglj Then after a pause she
said I hope I am not prying into any
editorial secret but do tell me Mr
Hayler who is Junita
My dear Miss Trenderville it is a
secret so much so that I have not the
faintest idea who Junita is myself
Mr Hayler you are trifling with
me
i
Upon my honor Miss Trenderville
I do not know I would tell you with
pleasure if I did
How very strange she murmured
Yes it is a strange story I will
tell it to you the next time I have the
pleasure of seeing you
Frank had that pleasure over and
over again and made such good use
of his time that soon it was noised
abrmd that the editor of the Chatterer
was engaged to be married to the beau
tiful and accomplished actress Miss
Agnes Trenderville The circulation of
the Chatterer had gone up A series
of short stories By Junita wac a big
attraction The stories had been sent
in by registered post The editor had
eagerly accepted them and put them
in hand at once The only thing that
worried him was that payment had
never been asked for He had no ad
dress where he could send the check
and he was waiting patiently for
Junita or someone on her behalf to
make application for the money
He was sitting in the editorial room
one morning when the telephone bell
rang He went to the instrument and
was told that an old lady wished for an
interview Junita flashed through
his mind He sent word down that she
should be shown up The old lady with
the squeaky voice which had amused
Frank so much on a former occasion
entered the room slowly and advanced
toward him Frank met her with ex
tended hand
My dear madam he exclaimed
have you brought me some more
stories
You liked the others was her
question
I liked them I should think so
Everybody likes them
I am so pleased I told yon if you
remember that they would be appre
ciated
And now the old lady continued
I have called to ask you for
The check interrupted Frank
You are very kind That is what I
came for
Excuse me for a moment I will fill
it in for you said Hayler
He sat down drew out his check
book dated the check then turned to
his visitor and said
Pardon me but to whom shall I
make it payable
To Junita she said
Oh excuse me I can hardly do
that
Why not she asked If Junita
indorses it that will be sufficient will
it not
Well I suppose so but it will hardly
be the correct thing
He wrote the check tore it out and
handed it to his visitor
You will sign the receipt please in
your own name as he handed her the
form to fill up
She wrote her name in a bold hand
and handed the paper back to him He
glanced at it and started back in sur
prise for there at the bottom in un
mistakable letters was the name Ag
nes Trenderville
A silvery laugh greeted his ears and
when he turned his head Agnes in
reality stood before him She had torn
off her disguise and looked like what
she undoubtedly was a charming
young lady
Agnes was all Frank could say
Yes dear Agnes Dont be cross
with me it was only a little harmless
joke and it was successful I can ex
plain all in a very few words 1 wanted
very much to see what an editor was
like I did not know you then dear I
wanted my stories accepted for if my
debut had not been successful I should
then have had an opening in the liter
ary world I thought if I came in the
character of an old lady I should have
a better opportunity of being admitted
I came You could not help laughing
at my squeaky voice but you accepted
my stories and thats the great thing
Agnes you are a born actress was
all Frank could say
I know darling All the paper say
that
The Chatterer is one of the most suc
cessful papers of the day The stories
by JuniiS are fluite the rage but feAV
there are who know that the charming
and clever actress Miss Agnes Tren
derville knowm in private life as Mrs
Frank Hayler and Junita are one
and the same person London Tid Bits
Peelings in a Wreck
How does it feel to be on an engine
when it collides with another train
Well said the old engineer it is
not so easy to answer that question
because if you are running at a high
rate of speed when the accident hap
pens it is all over in a few seconds
and if you are fortunately left with a
little life and consciousness in you
you feel like one who has just awak
ened from a bad dream with very
distant recollections of the particulars
I was once running east on the fast
express which was a double header
with my engine in the lead We were
running fifty miles an hour when we
struck a coal train that had failed to
clear the main track and was pulling
slowly into the middle track We
plowed right through the caboose and
four cars ripping the sides out of
them and it was all done so quick
that with my hand on the throttle I
had just time to shut off the steam
before I was bumped up against the
front end of the cab so forcibly that
the wind was knocked completely out
of me
I remember a grinding and crush
ing of the timbers the flying of glass
and the breaking of my ribs against
the reverse lever when I rebounded
and the mad plunging of the engines
but it was all over in five seconds and
I felt relieved to feel a little life left
in me
Beware the Deadly Envelope
In one of the hospitals in New York
recently a man died from blood-poisoning
acquired it is alleged from lick
ing envelopes whose gum was tainted
with disease The taint had been car
ried through all the processes of manu
facture and appeared in the gum on
the envelope Though this seems
strange physicians agree that it Is pos
sible and they advise correspondents
to moisten envelopes in others ways
than by licking them
Dont talk of your friends as your
set It makes them feel like a col
lection of souvenir spoons
THE FiKbl LmU
Handsome Mrs Cleveland Is as
Popular as Ever
Mrs Clevelands frequent social ap
pearances lately have shown very clear
ly that the strong fascination which her
presence always exerted among wom
en has not lessened the veriest jot She
is the most interesting women in the
country to day particularly in the fact
that people never tire of looking at her
No one wns ever yet heard to say that
he had been able to watch her quite an
long as he would have liked A great
many people now know her intimately
and are able to see her frequently but
for the great majority to whom this in
timacy is denied the only opportuni
ties come with the important functions
at the White nouse
At one of Mrs Clevelands teas re
cently perhaps 1000 women had the
pleasure of shaking hands with her
and at the same time enjoyed a little
chat It would have been hard to find
any woman in all this number who af
ter this enjoyment did not find some
point from which she could stand and
feast her eyes again on her hostess
Every detail of her appearance every
ornament she wore and every word
she said was discussed and admired
In evening dress Mrs Cleveland is the
handsomest woman in Washington to
day She has a beautiful neck and well
rounded shoulders and with the spar
kle of her jewels making a picture of a
White House mistress which is simply
regal Her smile is contagious for her
manners are always agreeably gra
cious
Ruth and Esther and baby Marian
are miniatures of their mother The
two elder girls love to get a glimpse of
the grand daylight doings in their home
and to do it have to peep through the
1
MRS CLEVELAND
From a late photograph
balusters of the big stairway which is
their tower of observation They talk
German with their fraulein with tho
greatest ease
A NINE FOOT MUSTACHE
James IT Brown of Idaho la the
Possessor and Has No Rival
James H Brown issue clerk at the
Fort Hall agency Ross Fork Bing
ham County Idaho has the longest
mustache of any man living It meas
ures nine feet from tip to tip four and
a half feet each way from the center of
the lip This mustache is Mr Browns
greatest joy and pride It is most care
fully kept and would attract marked
attention anywhere The Indians look
upon this enormously long mustache
with awe and reverence believing Mr
Brown to have been exceptionally bless
ed by God
Mi Brown is by birth a Virginian
He was born in Loudoun County elev
en miles west of Leesburg near what
is known now as Round Hill His fath
er moved from Loudoun County to
Barbour County then in Virginia but
now in West Virginia in October 1S7T
Mr Brawns occupation has always
been that of a farmer with the excep
tion of a period of eighteen years which
he devoted to the lumber business and
the time he has been giving to Uncle
Sam Fourteen months ago Mr Brown
was appointed issue clerk at the Fort
Hall Indian agency which position he
Is still filling
The fame of Mr Browns elongated
mustache is by no means confined to
the wilds of Idaho It is known
JfiitL
mimics
Mitvlim
MM i
TIIE LONGEST MUSTACHE OX XECOKD
throughout the Virginias and the South
generally The newspapers of the
places of the towns visited by Mr
Brown have loudly extolled the won
derful length of his mustache but this
is the first time that a picture of the
proud owner of the longest mustache
in the world has ever been printed
New York Journal
Youthful Curiosity
A case has been brought to the atten
tion of the Dover Me Observer in
which the parents of a small boy were
talking about hanging and In the
course of the conversation the method
was described minutely A little later
the child went out got a rope and
tying it to a beam proceeded to experi
ment He was so successful in his in
vestigation that when he was found Jio
Tvas black in the face and would have
died soon
The statement is made that 4200
bushels of potatoes marketed at Gay
lord Mich last week brought 34320
or but S cents a bushel
M
vJ
