.
r
' f'f . . - . . iiii
"i" " _ .
, . . . . . . . . . .
.t't' \ ,
't' ) . , '
't'j' :
) : - '
' \-j' :
" : ' : . , ' " Hf
' ; ' , : i ( _ ,
I. . . . UJ. " "
" " ' . , . '
' 1 ! ! < " ' " _ 3
" \ , . ' : If'-
' . " * . ; ' : ' . If'A Cucumber Grew !
'
" . , .A green cucumber grow where dews
( ' sweet nectar sent ,
, ; Wherein a garden old were odors redo-
: . . _ lent !
' 'The sunlight kissed time vine , the earth
, \ . . Its , succor lent ,
moonbeam
, beam shafts were blent-
r ' ; : . : 'Thus this cucumber grew to girth or
, , < . wondrous spun ;
4 ' ; .Twas plucked und sold at last to 1\11'
' ' ' - . . Dagoman.
. '
" : \.0\ , . . . 5"
. : 1- , : : : " 'The peddler peddled long and solll It to
. " . ' < \ " Jim Slack
' ' " . '
'i' ' Who an'll " " di-
° : peeled and ate the "pick" with -
.
p ; " ; > ' - ' ; r' . 'ers smile and smack-
" , ' . ' ' ' ; ' "Twa8 then that pickle green began to
4
j . hump Its bacle !
, , . , . . . . " . . . . a ; . It griped and bucked and growled , tried
< ! . . : - every wicked tack ;
.
. . } - ' , : Rolled over and lay down , then bunched
' . . "
: , : ; up like n rock ,
. . . . ; 1
.
. . , . . . < . : . . 'Tn Jim ho plumb collapsed as limber as
' . ; ' his sock !
'
= u. . , . . - ' ,
Jti . \ . , 'They called the doctor hence , lIe looked
, , " ' ; ' I both wlso and strong
.r-'i : t ; : , 'To cope with pain and pans and every
" " " " \ , ' , . : , : ! ' . . Inward wrong.
) iti.'N : . He pumped Jim's Insides out. It dll1n't
. , , take him long ;
1 . But Jim he gagged and died ! His spirit
jollied the throng
. ' . " . . . . -Of thoRP long gone before who now arc !
, ' : , hale and glad- !
- "i : " " : : Upon his tomb we read this doleful mes-
' r1J"i ' ; : , ' sage sad :
If. , : - . :
- . . , ; ' ! : ' . ' . "A green cucumber grew where dews
. sweet nectar lent ;
Jim ate It and now dwells In climes mag-
; . If- - nltlcellt ! "
- . .
. Joshua's Appendicitis.
: : ' _ Joshua Fumbleberry , farmer , was
, . '
, " - . "t' , : . . : born with a pain. Sometimes it was
- . - , in his stomach and sometimes it was
' ' .r , in his imagination , but it was ublq-
; . , ' " . 11ltous.
* , ; : A-- : ; : ; ' : Joshua was not one that suffered in
11 , - ; : : - , . , ' " . " 'silence , but was a devout apostle ot
12' ' ; ; ' the philosophy of King Crony in a
, . . . . . . . "Nature knows
, . tf4. paroxysm of gout"Naturomows
i 4 * ' : = : . - best and she says , 'roar ! ' "
.
: 't ; . . , . .ff : ' "Land a-goshen' , Joshua , " complained -
' . , ed his bong t enduring wHo , " 'e'll be
. ' ' . ' l havin' that there appendicitis In yer
/i , . mind da ' and the doctor won't
. , . : : , r , . some day ,
. , " . ' ; , ' bo able t' do a thing fur ye , cause he
. } . } . . . , . : < ' , . caln't operate on yer imagination and
. -f' : : . when ye git dead sot on It , nolhln'
. ,
, : but an operatlon'll ever git yo over
"
. ' " , it . ! "
, . L' t "You . . . . wimmen folks tall ; : too much , "
- - . : snarled Joshua hotly , "but I s'pose ye
. w ; wouldn't '
. w be happy It ye didn't jam
" _ about so much wind or misse a
t t revolution occasionally. When I'm
sick , I'm sick , ain't I ? Ye doan't
, ; . . . yc ; r s'p08e I'm sick ; : cuz I enjoy it , do ye ? "
' : ' , ,1 ! ! ' . ' " ' That was the beginning. -
; "A man sits mighty' little sympathy
, :
: II . ' : . . . . .
' . . . : . : J. . in this world , " moaned Joshua at 10 I
f ' . : , p. m. two days later , when a sharp
r . i pain attacked ; : him in the left side
r. , ; . _ about three inches below and slightly
: ; ; ; ; : back of his lower vest ; poclet. ; :
. : ' . Deliberately at first , then with accelerated -
, ' : : ' , - celerateil rapidity , the truth rushed
: . " { ; : . \ - " 11pon hIm. He had ) appendicitis !
; . ' f . "Go for th' doctor , Mlrandy ! Go
: _ . p. ' quick ! " he bawled. "I've got it this
. : , - time sure. Ef I should die , " moaning ,
. . . l" " , "afore ye sit back , they's $40 hid In
. C- . the granary that yo didn't know about
' ' - -
: { . r _ - . an' , " holding his hand clasped close-
- ' . ; ! _ 't. , 1y over the pain , "my " , lll's made out
- " and down t' Plkevllle in th' office 0'
t/ ! Squire Diggem-
f' : ' , "But go ! Go ! " as l\I randY , her
. : . ' ? ? - arms akimbo , stood Immovable in an
. . . . . . . ; , : - -\tUtudo of gathering defiance.
" . ' 1- < 1- :
' " ; . , . f'itiIi F ! ; . : "Joshua Fumbleberry , ye ain't got
< 1- ; : : ; t . . no more appendicitis than I hey , an'
/Jf' t - . I aIn't goin' t' make no dark ride 0' !
: : < . . , eight miles through mud and water I
: , : - : . , . : . to glt ye a doctor when yo don't need .
" . t nOllo.- I've been a good an' falthf'tl
' . wIre tel' ye and aims cared fer yo
' ; : . . . when yo wuz sick , but I'm through
chasin' plll peddlers t' fix tip yer imagination -
. . aglnallon , so there ! "
\ , "So there" was accompanied by a
' /'L" . determined stamp of the foot and
. , t. Joshua ] ' , ew the ultimatum was final ,
" : : . : . ' . but his blood and his imagination
' . ° . " . . . . were up. Besides , didn't ho have ap-
' t , pendlcltis and wa811't he at that very
moment a man marked for the cold
.
.
-
. J and clammy silence of the grave ?
'
\ 't. ' " "
"Mirandy Fumbleberry , Joshua
spoke Intensely , "of you don't Kit th'
doctor fer mo , afore midnight l'U dlC !
-or I'll sit a divorce , an' , nn' 1 don't
leer ; : which ? "
"Take yer choice , Joshua , " retorted
the wife stolidly. "TaIte yor choice !
"Then-I'Il-go-mysc1f for the doctor -
tor , " he sobbed , jumpIng from the
sofa and shumlng Into hIs overcoat ,
"Ef I die ye'n .120 satisfied , but I ain't
goin' t' die without It chance tel' keep I .
ye from spendin' my money yet
awhile ! Oh , Lord ! Oh , Lord ! glmme
strength ! " ho beseeched as he feebly
passed out Into the dooryard toward :
the barn. ,
An hour later Doctor Phil Graves
or PIlto'8 Corners was aroused from
his 11 o'clock snooze by 0. loud rap'
ping.
"Como on out t' our house quIck ,
Doc , " shouted 1"umbleberry through
the closed door "I'll order ( yer bosses
hitched as I go past th' livery stable.
They aIn't no time t' lose ! "
"Whose slel ; : " queried Doctor
Grave ! , in the weird light at the top
of the stair case-but all ho heard as
feet clattered down the steps was :
"Out to Fumbleberry's , eight miles
north ! " and the rumbling of wheels
n8 the caller hurried away In the
darlmess.
Muttering fervent anathemas upon
his ill luck , Doctor , Graves shuffled
out of his pajamas and prepared a
hasty toilet for a cold and cheerless
ride over black and soggy roads.
Bespattered and benumbed , he
reached the Fumbleberry home just
as the kitchen clock struck the half
hour after midnight.
"Who's sick ; : ? " he queried , entering
the house and handing his coat to
MrR. Fumbleberry. "I thought It must
be you. Got some company ? "
"It's Joshua , " lisped Mlrand , quiet'
ly ! "He's goln' t' die ! "
"Joshua ? " shouted Dr. Graves
"Joshua ? Why he drove in after me ! "
"I know , doctor ; I couldn't go , "
lamely. "He's got the appendicitis In :
his appendix and he can't live ! Ho's
In here. Come In ! "
Burled In a heap of feathers , quilts
and family overcoats lilY Joshua Fum
hleborry , shaking pitifully and groan'
Ing immoderately !
"Well , I'll be blamed ! " gasped Doc.
tor Graves , explosively.
"Tlll'n over here. Let me get a look ; :
at 'ou , Any pain here ? " pressing I
:
the flesh over the appendix.
"No , doc , no ! It's on tlt' tether
side ! Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! "
"Appendicitis don't come on the left
aide , Mr. Fumbleberry. Let's- "
"Il d011't ? It don't ? " screamed the
excited patient. "I thought It could
come on both sides ! "
"Both sides at once , eh ? " growled
the physician , contlnulng.-bls exanmina-
tion.
"Mr ; Fumhleberry , " Doctor Graves
was deliberately impressive as he held
something aloft on the end of his pen'
knife 1 , " ) ' 011'\'O had a wood-tick on you ,
that's all ! II
A surprised groan was the only in'
terruption and the physician continued . !
\led :
"Have your wife put a bandage
about you to keep the blood ort the
linen , and then gO fo sleep. Good
night ! "
'Veil , do tell , l\llrandy , " whimper-
ed Joshua repentantly , "did ye ever
know about that there appendix allus
grow In' on the right side ? But yer
glad lIin'1. ye , \lIrandY , thet I ain't
dead-ain't ye' ! "
"Whero did ye say that there money
was hid In the granary , Joshua ? " dip-
loml"callr. : "I haln't had a new go
t'neetin' : dress f r , seven years , " re-
Llled Mirandy tneaningly
"Il's In 1\ tin box ) . in . the corn sheller ,
1\nrand , " sighed- - Joshua meekly
01t a new dress ; . ; ! .ili andy . . ! Glt a new
, "
dress ! " - , . 'it4 : '
And Mlrandy did !
The city man longs for the dale
and the dingle ; the country man
yearns for the noise and the bustie-
and ! both , when permItted to visit
the scenes ot their longings , are dis-
appointed. The picture is always
mOEt beautifully blended from a dis
I tance.
- -
,
.
-
WOULD WORSHIP GREEK GODS.
London Man , Asks for Funds to Erect a
Temple
It Is only n. paltry $12,500 that Mnr-
yon , London's latest spiritual counselor '
selor , "The High Priest or Limo Winged
Disc , " wants the public to give him
wherewith to spread his doctrine , and
really somebody ought to come for-
ward with the money , just as 0. contribution -
trlbuUou toward the gayety ot na-
tiOllS. I
The new "Apostle of Pantheism , " aR
. . " .
. i'l. : '
L r l ' . . I
, I19
r
m ildr
i
I b I' ' ' s
Maryan Adoring His Winged Disc.
be otherwise calls himsclf , Is the most
picturesque thing In the propagandIst
line England has produced recently ,
and the temple that ho wants to build
for the worship of the old Greek gods ,
with a special tower for time accommo-
dation ot stray birds , ought to put
MessIah Piggott's "Abode of Lova" out
of the runnIng soon after it gets
started.
Credulous Chicagoan.
Frank ; : Gadomsly ; : , of Chicago , swore
out warrants for the arrest of Joseph
Kozel , Martin KOfel ; and Frank Ma-
ronsld , charging them with swindling
him.
him.The
The alleged swindle , according to
the complainant ! , was the result on his
part of credulity and cupidity. The
man says that he was made to believe
that by carrying a hen for eight days
and following a formula given him by
the alleged confidence men he could
cause a dollar to return to him again
and again after he' had spent it
Gndomsty ] followed this advice , but
no wealth came to him. Now he seeks
the arrest of the three men and the re-
turn of money which ho says he gave
to them for their "secret. "
Utah's Wonderful Natural Bridge
.
There exists In San Juan count ,
Utah , three } wonderful natural bridges.
The largest of these bridges spans a
canyon 335 feet and 7 inches from
wall to wall , and is n splendId : -.rch
of solid sandstone , GO feet thick In
time central part and 40 feet wide. ,
Underneath it there is a clear open.
lug 357 feet In perpendicular height.
The accompanying cut , reproduced
. .rya {
. , l ry
Utah's Great Natural Bridge Com-
pared with Capitol.
from the Century , shows the dimensions -
sions of this bridge as compared with
the capitol at Washington. I
The other two bridges , while of proportions - I
I portions somewhat less massive , are .
marvels of wonder and bea ty. They i
have been seen , probably , by tower
than a dozen white men.
Rodents Froze to Death.
B. W. Adams ot Plainfield , N. n. , .
was throwing out hay from the bay
recently , when he came across 0. nest
that contained seventy.four rat ! and
mice , which had evidently been frozen
to .eath.
,
' . , . . '
, ; " " . . :
,
- - -
MAN'S FIGHT WITH BABOON
- l ,
Wounded Monster Very Nearly Oven
comes 11ft Slayer.
Time South African mall brIngs a
thrllllllg tale of n. fight to the death
between a man and n gtatmt baboon.
Mr Robert Heugh , proprietor of
Kn1l1ech'H Farm " , Ultonhago , saw a
baboon In hln orchard' , and shot him
through the body nt 300 yards , The
animal wits , however , able to get
away , and waR afterwards seen on the
top ot un adjoining hill , where bo
suddenly droppod. Thinking that ho
was dead , Mr Hough went after him
with two terriers and a nntlvo. The
dogs ran up to time supposed carcass ,
when the baboon sUddenly rose ,
caught the unfortunate terriers , bIt n
large piece out ot each , cast thorn
from him with such violence as to
kill thom , and then made furiously for
their master , tearing his arm open
from shoulder to wrist. The native
bolted , and the partially disabled
white man was left alone to battle with
time enraged - baboon. Mr. Hcugh Is
active nnd muscular , but his efforts to
throttle his antagonist : mind to beat his
face In with his fist were unavailing ,
and he was forced to the ground
Here , while desperately struggling ,
the man's hand came In contact wIth
a large stano. This he seized , rind
with almost : a last effort fractured the
baboon's shall . with it. When the
body was measured It was found to bo
over five feet.-Engllsh Exchnngo.
,
Boy Is Seven Feet High.
A European prodigy , known as "tho '
" ' In Munlch'llld'
long Josef , was born ' '
bach on April 15 , 1888. At 12 year
of ago ho was G feet 4 inches In height
and Is now 7 feet 1 inch. Ho is still
.
.
. .
f ' . /
LY : it'7.iw -
, , v , v ,
i
S Msd9. ' ; $ i s
- . : - , > . , , o , frt + '
rr
K
v'
l.
r ;
' - / ) f' + , . _ % ,
, i 1 4 ' . % mri
:
growing and no doubt will become the
tallest man on earth. His family
name Is Schippers His , father Is Q
butcher. At present he Is the prln.
clpal attraction at the Panopllcum ,
Borlin. Ho was born of normal parents -
ents and l 18 the eleventh child. The
first ten have developed quite nor'
mall ' ,
,
Was Too Tight a Fit.
On a wager of $1 that ho could put a
bllllnrd ball . In his mouth , Joseph
Johnson , residing on Stiles street ,
Philadelphia , u. negro attendant In a
Poolroom attempted the feat the other
night. lIe made himself an "accident
case" at St Joseph's hospItal n few
minutes later , and the physIcians
worked over him for an hour. Time
negro slipped the ball into his mouth
without dlfficull Trouble came when
ho tried to get It out. With the aid of
pliers anti rods the physicians sue' ' . .
ceeded In releasing time ball.
'
Pencils Were Not Cheap.
A fakir sold a lot of splendid look- :
lug lead pencils on Limo street ut Indian .
dlan Orchard time other evening at "
the astonishing price ot eight for 10 .
cents. His customers grew angry the : : '
next day when they found that the ,
lead only ran back about one.fourth
ot an Inch from the end.