'
.
TICKLE
'f GRASS
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+ BY
. ! . BYRON WlLLtAt15
f Ii' . .
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The Suicide of Swallow.
* . . . . Swallow was a "native. " Who ho
was or from whence he came , none
assumed so prehistoric a knowledge.
v Like 'rops , he had "just happened , "
away back in the dim , misty pioneer
days of Higby , then a mere trading
post , now a great city of meat strikes
and cosmopolitan qUllrtel's
t4 That is why all the newspaper hays
know Swallow , knew him a8' a bril-
liant but erratic disciple of special assignments -
signments , apt to be flush today , a
panhandler to.morrow , a man with
an abused past and an uncertain In-
tore made more vRclllating because
of the "dope" habit. Many and many
a time he had been counted down and
out by the i gang , hut he rOSe up smil-
Ing , like Truth , uncrushed-but hun-
Irv. .
- And then Swallow developed a toboggan -
L ,
, boggan gait. The first of the month
' .
: had found him the possessor of a
I ; "cow.choklng wad , " as the slang par-
iP : . lance of the club remarltcd. A week
4 later he staggered into the Times of-
I' fice at 2 in thQ morning , his face
t. . drawn in abject contour , his clothing
ac . j { bedraggled and IInlwpt. Sidling up to
' \ 'a : ; ' Brown , the , city editor , he whillllcred :
< ; "It's nil off , Brownie. I'm all in
l Tbere's positively nothing doing
, . . Frlends"-hcre he sobbed fcellngly-
, "friends all gone-money-sob-all
: ' gone. Brownie , I'm goln' down to the
lake and-and-go-the same old
f way ! " -
That was the beginning Brown
' \ , gave him a dollar and thought that
would be the endlng-o both the dollar .
lar and the suicide During the week
' It half.dozcn of the hays heard the
same story and dismissed It In much
. the same manner. Then came a cas-
t' ual mention at the club , and mutual
recognition that the "old war horse"
was developing a peculiar tI'Rit-one
which might , indeed , lead him to a
' gash personal act
Y , After that the gang pitied him , argued .
. . gued with him , and at last wearied of
him Regularl and zealously he made
the rounds , mysterlouslr announcing
his terrible Intention. Then came the
fatal night when hlundered Into
the club
Weeping softly , while his bosom
heaved with emotion , he confided 1.0
the coterie that the end had Indeed
} come ! I
'rhls was the fatal night !
Tomorrow morning they would find
his lifeless body floating on the tide-
water , a soggy / , sorrowful speck beneath .
neath the turning curlews and the
wheeling gulls !
Jones of the Tribune , who had been
' pestered zealously during the past
two weeks , and to whom the suicide
tale was as familiar as that of "Little
BoPeep , " arose with a flash of determination .
termination In his eye.
"Swallow"-he spoke sharply-
"Swallow , arc you going to drown
a
yourself ? "
Swallow humbly bowed his head
t
and wept !
' " 'Veil , old man , you've been a good
friend to all of us hero"-wa vlng his
s arm toward the wondering audltors-
"and wo have trlcd"-swallowing- !
"In our weak way to be worthy ; but
i if ' feel that ' "
you you must dle"-hero
{ he turned toward his fellows for
_ their approbatlon-"If you feel that
, . , . you must die , why-why , we'll all go
t down to the lake with you , Swallow ,
+ and find you a good , deep place ! "
For a moment there was deep si-
lence Swallow looked startlingly in-
1 to the faces of his fellows , realization
dawning dilatorily. Then ho turned
with a groan , plunged down the stairs
and dlsappea1'ed.
Morning came , the day sped , and
again the diurnal wheel turned , but
no Swallow !
A week passed , then two , and his
I
.
.
friends mourned him piously , fervent
lr , dutifully , feeling that they , perhaps .
haps , had hastened his doom
A year had Intervened , with die
many changes , and Swallow was for
the moment forgotten 'Ono busy
morning some three weeks later ,
Drown , Imeo-deep In the wreckage ,
was sparring for " 30 , " when the door
opened and In walked It nattily dressed .
ed man of good bearing , clean.shaven
and jaunt despite the white In his
hair. Drown looked once , then ho took
another look and gasped ! The visitor ,
smiled and spoke , his hand extended : '
"Yes , It's me-Swallow ! Glad to
BOO me ? "
For answer Brown hugged him Immoderately -
moderately , as was Brown's wont
'
when prodigals rehu'ned.
"Dllt-but , whero-I thought you
had committed suicide ! You romem ,
her you were going to drown- "
Swallow interrupted , him with n
sweep of his hand
1-1 got married instead ! " -matter
of fact. "Sho's over at the Audlto'
rlum. Boys are coming over at 3 to'
morrow. Be there ? "
Brown was there ! And the resur
rectlon of Swallow was complete !
-
Girls , when a young man promises
to love and cherish you , before say-
Ing .Yes , " procrastinate long enough
to slip around and find out how hu
has been loving and cherishing his ] old
mot hel' .
- - - - - -
When n friend keeps ho I news of
his marriage from you and then comes
around after the wedding t6 borrow
money , you naturally feel that you are
getting the worst of the frlcndship.
Sometimes n servant girl leaves because .
cause she is treated "l\Ite \ one of the
famll ) ' . " There's a difference in families .
lies as well as In servant girls
.
- - -
When your friend tells an untruth
do not call him a liar. . That Is impo '
lite. Simply refer to him as blankety
blank weather prophet.
- - -
Do not be too anxious about the
make of your friend's new typewriter
until you learn whether he refers to' a
woman 01' a machine
- - -
One man Judges another by his
works , but one woman makes her mental .
tal estimate of another hy the familyy
washing
A woman need not necessarily know
how to swim to stem currants. Yep , r
like 'em In pie IH'eUy good !
- - - - -
A man Is mighty smart hut he can
not make a noise like \ a woman when
cHcalllng from a mouse !
- - - -
A boy Is never happy until he can
wear a derby hat and have a keyy to
the front door.
Every woman In society Is kept
busy keeping herself In and other
women out.
Ever woman hates to sec a man
make a fool of himself about another
woman !
- - -
Even the teacher of the cooking
school gets IndlgPRton . ! now and then
Time older a man gets the steeper
ho finds the ladder to the haymow !
True lovers frequently spend more
time quarreling than loving !
Traction Line Waiting Rooms.
Time Montreal Street Railway com-
pany has recently erected a number
or pretentious waiting rooms in differ-
out parts of the clt ) " . One of them Is
a two.stor hrl structure , where
there are a ticket office and conven-
ICi1ces , for pas.sengerJ3
- - - - - - - -
High ) Prices Drive Away Tourists.
Cologne newspapers complain that
tourists are neglecting ! the Rhine , and
they suggest that the high prices prevailing -
vailing In the hotels ] have a good deal
to do with thiEl .
. - . -
.
.
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6\MPImI.
. TALES :
--1--f--r ; .ii'i i ! ! ! ! r ! . .
, - -
Can't.
How history repeats \ Itself ,
You'll sap , when you remember Grant ,
Who , In SItI s boyhood Clays , once , sought
Throughout thc Icxlon for "cltn't. "
'JIt' could not find the word that tiny ,
'l'ho earnest boy whose name was
Grnnt ,
lie never found It through long years ,
With nil tht'lr1OWCI' \ , to dlscnchllnt.
No hostile host could give hll1l pause :
flyers and mountains could not l11ulllt :
Tie 11\1'1' f01ll1l1 that hlllllerln word-
' 1. : . . b.tllIlIIst man whose name was
Grant
-I1It1'rlct Prescott Spoftol' In St Nlcho-
Ins
Soldier's Early Experience
To the veteran every occurrence
through which he passed Is dear ,
especially so the little striking events
of his early soldier \ days , writes an
Eastern veteran My regiment , the
Fourteenth Rhode Island Heavy AI'tll
lerr , was stationed at one time 1\t Fort
Jackson , on the lIHsisslllPI river -10
miles above It s mouth 1 recall that
fully onethlrd of our battalion were
schoolboys like m 'self-nll willing to
grow beards and to become stmdr
lighting men.
Our officers , too , were new to Iho
business of war-llI\\'ln beell made
such after a hasty study of time first
seventy pages of the army regulations
-malting It plain thai we must have
training ; as well a8 pluck ! that wa
wore all supposed to have In order to
escape the whipping and final annihilation -
lation said to be in Dtore for us at
time horny hands of our opponents , the
Texas cowbo 's. A little later 1,000 of
these cowboys were compelled to
tether their mustangs and lay down
their arms by us-but this Is a dl
gl'esslon. .
A little episode of camp life while
at Fort Jackson will serve to show
how promptly we took our first degree ,
I
gree In riding the "goat , " through '
casemate to parapet , when genulno ,
slml-stlrl'lng cause for alarm cllme gal
loping Into camp in the majestic form
of our surgeon , Dr. Carpenter , who
brought the startling news that the
rebel ram Isaac Webb was on the way
down the river , having passed New ,
Orleans flying the Confederate fing
The Isaac \Vohh was formerly one of
New Y01'1S fastest ocean-going tug-
boats Her speed was 17 knots nn
hOUl'
hour.'e
We were might quickly formed into .
to lines und marched double quick up
to the big arl'otts overlooking the
I'I\'er. We carried our Sprlngllelds
which we loaded and stacked , then
shotted the 11.lnch guns and the Pal"
rotts , and trailed to point.blanlt range
everyy well known ship course of the
river within our view. Then we impatiently ,
tlently awaited the coming of the ram ,
and while we waited toyed with our
Adam's apple , screwed up our knock-
kneed courage ( that so woefully wab-
bled again ) to the fighting pitch , and
remained full of speechless wonder
and sUl'lH'lse.
But where was the Webb ? We
stood up , looked , listened , then looked ]
again-but the calm and peaceful riv-
eI' gave no sign of hel' approach. The
suspense was so great that It Inter-
fered with am breathing ; we could
hear nothing hut. thin tap , tnp tap oC
an organ which seemed to havc risen
and to bc lying near our tonguc3. But
where was the ram that our doughty
doctor had told us was coming ! At
every successive point "n that part
of the broad river In our view we
looked ] , fully expecting her to poke her
nose around and come on defiant.
AH the day were on the oppressing
atmosphere became morn clear \\r
steed erect , fn ling quite jubilant ,
when suddenly n ct.artlng ! exclamatIon
caused all eyes to turn.
"Loold ! 10GI. ! \i luac ! s that comhig
out of the west ! " Clniclng backward
wo saw.EoJ:1r.thlng11tllldlhm : \ , riding
s iftly , and to 0111' is m.mgnative ! minds
susplcktuel ; tovcrtm th5 fOl'l Could Il
. -
- - -
bo possible that our roar was to ho
'
time point of attack ?
One more gulll of the Adam's apple
anti a silent remembrance of the mlR- ,
domOanOl'8 1\1111 Hhol'tcomlngs of our
career , n hasty 111'I\'er-thon , suddenly -
t ly I out of rite clouds of dust canto our
relief bringing / intolllgonco that the
ram had herself been rammed and
stunk , after having / ; been driven ashore
by the Union gunboat Richmond ,
which hud passed } till Limo river the
preceding night ; thus putting / nn end
to the fearful risk that the Webb took
whoa attemllllnl ; to pass our fort , arul
blotth } ; from our record n part of time
glory that l1'1IlIUon ! would 'hnve added
to the gallantry und valor nfterwnrd
accorded the Fourteenth Rhode Island ]
heavy Artillery , nnd Which wo are
proud to write , stopped forever the
juggling with the guns that was said
must bo mused to goad ! us Into action
In thoAO hlHtol'lc 'GOs wo never OU-
countered another such memorable
test of courage und bewildering suspense -
pense as on that doubtful duty ( In the
tlmo of our no\'llinte.
- - - -
HaG Bible from the Cumberland
CnpL G. A. Dean of Dorchester ,
1.1/lSH" , has sum interesting relic or 1\
civ1 ! ! war sea light which revives In
m01l1ory the fHlllllen and disastrous as-
L1nult of time olcHlmo federal frigate
C1J1'\mllc \ on the U. S , ships Congress
and CllmborlIl1d ] at Newport News
It Is 1Blhl < " very old , and , by the
d ' its ' lIIt1eh rend
dot g ears 011 1II1I1'glllll ,
'l'ho 111crrtmac was It ,1O.gun screw
frigate , built for the government In
ISGIi On April \ I0 , 18tH , when the
Norfolk navy yard was abandoned by
the federals ] , the 1\le1'1'11I1I\c and other
vessels lying there were stlnlt. She
wua raised by the confederates , who
cut lien down to the berth deck , and
on the mlc1shlp section bulls a caae-
: mate oC timber ! 170 long , protected hy
a double iron plating ; four Inches
thlclt. The prow was of cast Iron.
She was named lime Virginia and
was commandell by Commodore
Franklin Buchanan , who tin March 8 ,
SG2 , sent lien against the Congress ,
a salilug shill of 50 guns , and the
Cumberland , a sailing ship of 30 guns , _
both or which she quickly destroyecI
Sonic time after time tIght a sell-
man's chest from time fo'c's'lo of time
Cumhol'land floated ashore at Now-
port News , and Insldo was the Bible
now owned by Cat. } noan. Originally
It was time property of Il sailor nllmod
Thomas Graham of Albany , N. Y.
Graham got possession of the Bible
mill kept It until Oct Iii , 1887 , whoa
he presented It to 11 shlpmllte named '
Wililam B. Dale - , "who gave It to his
friend , the late CIlPt. II. C 1Iem1110n-
war of DORton. Callt. Hemmenway
gave It to Its present ownel'
- - -
Romance in Iowa Weddhtg.
Lleut. II. H Merrill \ has left for
Charleston , 1\10" , to he married to
Mrs H. A Cnmphell , according to . . a
( ilspatch from Geneva , Iowa.
In the fall of 1862 Lleut. Merrill ,
with a dctachment of mOil , was stationed
tloncll near Charleston , Mo A young
Cri , who Is now 1\11'6. Cllmpbell , ClllnO
over from her falher'l- far111 and
warned J.Ient. . Merrill that Gen. Morgan -
sran waD sending a superior force to
effect his capture Time warning came '
In time , and ho escaped through the
mountains one hour ahead of the
rebel force , getting : back to the main
line without loss.
J.'I'om that time on durIng the long
years that have intervened the pl\r-
tclpuuts ! of the romance have never
seen each olh r. Some time ago by
rill accident Llellt. l\ICI'l'iiI tllsco\'el'ed
limo address of his benefactress and
wrote her a letter. An interesting
, correspondence ensued , which gradually -
uallr became more Interesting and Is
to end happily In u wellllfng.
_ . _ ,
- - - - - - - -
Makes Pets of Wild Animals.
Among ; the titled ladies of England
who keep item tgeries Is the duchess
ot Bedford , whose extensive collec-
tion of wild anlmnl8 Is fl11110US An-
other English ; society leader moves
around her drawing room with a small
I woolly bear trotting 'at her ! tt cis.
