Ft TICKLE ]
6RASS
13Y
BYRON WILLIAM.5 .
n
How It Was.
lie started ( ] a trust
Hill It blew up and bust !
And the \ mnn who had started It ,
J 10 up IInll CUHHCIl-
And that was the end of the trust bust !
Under Difficulties.
" ! thought yer bon wuz a travelln'
In J\fnnchoorla wrlUn' for one 0' them
newspapers ? "
"Ho Is , Uncle John "
" 1 don't see 110thln' writ by him In
' ' ' "
th' Tribune !
"No , he's writing under a nom deplume
plume ! "
"DcaI' sm : , you don't say ! Did It
fall on him ? "
"No , no , a nom do plume , a =
"Oh , I see , he's sheered t' come out
an' write In th' open. Nell , hy hen ,
I'd rather hide under a haystack than
risk It and glt shot by them Russians !
This war blzness Is orful risky , be'nt
It ? "
- - - -
' When a man medoth a woman and
telleth his wife what she wore , verily
the better half need have no fear ,
but If ho meetcth one and Imoweth
not what she wore , It Is written , be
ware ! 'rho man In the first Instance
w hlccth not the woman unduly and he
surveyeth her clothes , but In the sec
end , ho hath become so enamored of
her face that he could not , for the
lIfo ] of him , tell whether she wore
n. Worth gown or a calico runabout !
In the Country.
I would lIIeo to be out In the country to-
day
.fa pet the new call on the neck ,
To scatter the pigs with II sudden "Oaf !
Oo [ ! "
. And list to the woodpecker peck !
I would like to bo out In the country to-
lay
t And teach the bull-cllif how ) to drink ,
1'0 wander alone by the sinuous mths ,
a 1'0 dream In the wood-and to think !
y
I would lIke to be out In the country today -
day
To Ito on the bank with a book
- f'
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3i t2 '
/ = r
111/'b 1.1 \Y \ (
"COME BOSSY ! "
And list , with a. thrill to mr : very heart.s
core ,
The orchestral rill of the brook !
I would like to be out III the country to-
day ,
Where blue denim shirts arc In style !
'Twould lighten my worries and give me
more vim
.fo eat country grub for awhile !
I would like to bo out In the country to-
day-
( The fact Is I'm turgid and cross , )
I'd throw myself down In-"Excuso me ,
dear friend ,
I hear him approaching-the boss ! " )
The fat man asked the small boy It
the ice was safe and the lad replied ,
"Yes , if you skate fast enough ! "
Many a business today Is being con-
ducted on the same Inadequate safe-
guard.
Just about the time we get used
to a man's looks with a full beard ,
he visits the barber and we have to
begin all over 11laln.
I
ITICKLE :
6RASS
I3' (
Cr. .
BYRON WILLIAM.5 .
. '
'l'horo's heaps 0' joy
In this life 0' oUl'sl !
hergil lh' thorns ,
Au' fist pluck tll' f1ow'rsl !
- - -
Naughty Uncle Rube.
Deacon Hardscrabble-"I s'poso yo
heard about Uncle Reuben Co'ntasle'a
disgrace daown to th' metrolopls ? "
Deacon Squeezelthard'- Ii w s y
sakes , no ! Do tell what'a cum over
,
Uncle Reuben ? "
'Ven t' Chlclccawgo last week , an'
uy mistake he drunk water off fr'm
th' fire extinguisher ! "
"Yes ! "
"Yes It was at th' howtel yo know ,
i
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na
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IrI ! :
It ,
4//,1.j4 ;
1
r \V
C"ir/SdN------ ,
"FOR THE LAND SAKE !
an' he thought It was one o' them
there new fangled Ice-water jlggers-
an' when he cum hum an' told about
it they church him ! "
"Churched him ? "
"Yes , fer drlnlcln' fire water ! "
A Chinaman bought a wife for $300 ,
paying $3 a week , and when the last
$3 was paid , John declared he was
not sick of his bargain. It might bo
well to add , that he didn't get the
maid \ until he had paid for her ! 0th-
envise-Ouch ! Lemme go' !
Somehow May 1 always reminds us
of our boyhomt days down on the
Cedar river. May 1 we always began
driving the cow to pasture. These
were hard and trying days for mother ,
as it invariably took three calls and
a threatened whipping to get us up
In time to make a respectable show-
Ing with the neighbors' boys Ah !
Sweet days of Arcadia , they arc gone
forever !
'Ve don't care If the old mill never
grinds with the water that Is past ,
so long as there Is plenty of water
yet to come.
It is the things we do under ad-
verse circumstances that show the
metal of which we are made.
Many a man would sacrIfice the
biscuits mother used to make for the
dough that uncle made.
Make the most of the small oppor- I
funitles. They , in turn , will help you
to greater ones.
A good way to keep the boy on
the farm is to hire a pretty dairy
maid.
The golden rule some men live by
Is merely plated.
In the theater of life there is no
asbestos curtain.
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: i J v ' Ti ; r . I. { 1 t '
1t' 1
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A _
l'rmn the forctl101l/l/t { / / letters by
BurL M. Pratt , Oaf Park , Illinois
The accuracy
For 0 rest time library is foi' '
review of the .
dally sources of Co-operation
better methods. in i'nfo'I41na -
tion on the
enemies oj easy errors and the
friends of forethought , to reduce -
duce 'Jnutually expensive ' 1nis-
taker of mechanical , CO'1l1Jwr-
vial and p1"ofessional1Jeo1l8. :
A case of three min-
utes of deliberation by
re sol ution.
Some cities have a more excitable
atmosphere than other cities circu- I
late.
late.A
A man from an excitable city was
calling on the most prominent busi-
ness men In the largest cities In ] our
western American states.
He was interested In their deliberate -
ate manners-their ways of quietly
listening to hIm attentively as If they
had nothing else to do and he resolved
to practice deliberation when he got
back home.
He did , and he told me that he
succeeded for just three minutes , and
he asked what he could do to make
the time of his success longer.
My reply was that had he taken
an exercise In deliberation the night
before his three minutes might have
become thirty minutes and had ho
exercised five minutes n. day for five
days before reaching his desk In his
own city he might have been delib-
crate all day
Is anything ever forgotten -
gotten beyond power to
be recalled.
The story of the man who was get-
ting the worst of the fight and could
not think of the word "enough" was
told me yesterday. It was new to
me.
me.In
In fifteen minutes or so after hear-
Ing it I met n. man who enjoys such
stories and told It to him.
He said he had heard that when he
was fourteen years old-he Is about
torty-five now. Then he said he never
er heard it but the one time and that
ho had had a good many chances in
the meantime : to tell it
He had forgotten It so far as telling
It , but he was able to recall it on
rehearing.
The remainder of the story is that
while the man was trying to think
of the word that meant defeat in order -
der to yell it , he was also trying to
prevent getting killed , and his preventive -
ventive methods were so effective that
the other man yelled the word he
could not think of.
Hardest of All.
The most difficult thing for us to do
Is to forgIve some Innocent person
whom we have treated in an Ill . natured -
tured manner
My studies are on the - , ,
things you want which 1 ;
you need. t
. , ,
A young man In a store became interested -
terested in my letters and tried to interest -
terest another young man who was in
the same store.
The other young man said that ho-
was not interested In any study un-
- . . - w - .
I 4IdA'
W
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Q
ga
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less It gave some one a knock-he-
wanted to read things that abused
some person or class.
- . . . .
Chances for fault-finding and picking - ,
ing are the most common and easiest
to plcl\ : ' up , but It is not my line ,
though my human nature coaxes me-
Into it sometimes.
One fault-mender is greater than 20-
faul t-finders.
Years ago I read that and It may
take me years to come to live It , but
I believe It and try to remember it.
In place of being a knocker I want
to be n. useful writer-in place of find-
Ing faults I want to tell how others
have had forethought and conquered
error. _ [ .
'
My hope of doing so rests In my de- r
sire to do so. It is uphill work to-It
is next to Impossible to-do difficult
things we have no desire to do.
Some day I want to write some-
thing which will interest and benefit
that young man who has today an
I
appetite for other things than mine.
All theories of right
do not shine equally as
bright during days of
trouble.
You have heard of fine weather
friends who are useless to you when
a storm comes up and you need a gen-
uine helper or fellow-worlcer.
There are theories which are just
a (4 nri . . '
.
JJ W4da , . -
1 ! 1uJiL
1J -J .
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like prosperity friends-a. K. when
you do not need them and no good
when you do need them.
What Is it that stands up with you
like a thoroughbred when the fight Is
on to n. finish and helps you pull out
on top of everything ?
Previously applied wisdom is some-
thing on whIch you can depend and
which you know how to handle.
'
f'
Unapplied wisdom is a good thing , , . , " ,
but you cannot tell it from poor 1
theories until tested or examined or
audited.
A boat going on a year's voyage
took on supplies and when too late
to correct the error they found that
one box In place of havIng a very I
Important food contained a useless -
article 1
The first steamboat that crossed the
Atlantic was a good theory applied
but it carried a book which claimed ,
to prove that a steamboat could not . . . . I J
cross the Atlantic That book was .r j
what ? 1
I