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CITY TR I B lJNE .1
January 22 , ' THE FALLS 7
. 904 . . _ . _ _ uu . . . . .
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I I . ' . FACTS AND FANCIES
i I I ' . BY ALLAN D. MAY.
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I'd like to be in Lincoln
i.
When the editors are there
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At the fount of wit and wisdom
1'0 drink 111) honest shal'c.
I'd like to go to I-4incoln--
Lincoln-
Imlced I reall ' would
" really ,
; . But I have no transportation
. And the walking iSIl't good
\ . . .
, Judge Lynch never cited any-
" body 1 for contempt of court.
. ' \Ve like a cat better than a ( log.
. A cat seldom wants to kiss you.
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. You can't tell how big a new
house is going to be by the size
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of the cel1ar.
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p Every man imagines when he
gets mad , that his is what' is
. . .
L , mown 1 as u rig 1 1teous In < 1. Igna-
. tion
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V - \Ve have often wondered if Job
looked as miserable as a twentieth
- century man with a cold in his
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, . ; :
head. -
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, . , -'A ; woman is as careful to remember -
, . member who owes her a call as a
,
mall is to remember who owes
. . . . .
hint money.
. - The only lJerson we ever knew
who cozilii 1 truthfully say that he
' had never spoken a lie , was a
! , . - - - . . . . . . ' . , . . . . _ . . ; . .
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; " ' deaf and dumb man
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) i When the deputy assessor goes
around he can turn away lots of
wrath by advising the wrathful
. . ones , with soft words , to see the
boss about it.
r A young man with a good ear
for music has discovered that the
_ whistle . , of one of the big Missouri
Padfic freight engines chords ex-
f
actly with the loIethodist church
? bell.
t A young man - told 1 1- his best girl
I
r - ' . that he had been eating doves to
lw - cure his rheumatism. She ate
. . . .
I some for the same purpose and it
, - - ; , lidn't work. Now she is wonder-
'r' . ing whether the young man.l . lied l
" . to hel' or whether hiS phYSicIan
f : <
tt -
' " . _ - . . . . didn't know his _ . busincss. .
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" _ The members of the Sphinx
club deny emphatically the report
that after the contest was ended
and the piano had been delivered
t9 the club rooms , Albert l\Iamt ;
, became so jubilant that he sat
down at the instrument and played -
ed "loIr. Dooley" with forty-nine
\ ' ari a tions.
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- I've had the chicken pox and mumps ,
the measles and the croup , .
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- . A score of ills have drove mc nigh
(
- distracted ;
' . , I've suffered some financial loss that
made mY spirits droop ,
. And oft with me has Fate unkindly
$ ; . . ' . acted
it I've had my share of ups and downs ,
r " . . small gains and greater losses ,
aiy hopes have been upraised and
- later blighted ;
tI. Aud set I smile . as on I go , no frown
I
my visage crosses-
- Praise God from whom all blessings
. . . ' indicted ! '
now , I'vc never been
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L. A. Virner.of' ! . the Sterling
Sun , predicts in a cold blooded
uianner , that soon the daisies will
be growing on a newly made
mound in the newspaper graveyard -
yard , and beneath the mound tl'he
Falls City Tribune will be sleep-
ing , awaiting the hour when the
last trump shall hid all good
newspapes arise and resume pub- ]
lication. If we did not know } loIr.
Varner we would bc tempted to
size him up as a calamity howler ,
. with vestments of sack cloth , and
ashes sprinkled in the whiskers
that he doesn't wear. But know-
ing him to be a good fellow , and
optimist by nature , we feel
an
. . . . . . -
that he has either been eating the
wrong kind of breakfast food , or
working too late . at night mak-
ing The Sterling Sun the rattling
gum1 newspaper that it is. He
has simply made the mistake of
trying to apply a rule to an exceptional -
ceptional case.
Cheer up brother Varner and banish
your fears ,
Don't s pea k s tic h discouraging
things ;
Just \\'ait till we're dead and then give
us your tears- .
Don't weep till the tolling bell rings.
Cheer up brother Varner , the cloud of
dark gloom
Is something ) 'our nature should shun
It won't help The Tribhne to 1 fight shy
of the tomb-
And might cause an eclipse of The
Sun.
Cheer up , brother Varner , we fear you
are ill ,
And that makes you grumble curd fret
Pray haste to the doctor and get a l
pink pill ,
Lest The Sun , up at Sterling shall .
set
New Opera House at Nims City
The new opera house at Nuns
City was formally opened on Sat-
urday night. The attraction was
"trhe Southern Spy" produced by
i-l home talent company of Hum-
boldt and was a creditable performance - _
formance , the at1ilteurperformers
taking their parts well.trhe
house was filled with an enthus-
iastic audience. The new opera
house is complete in every detail
and is a credit to the town. The
scenery was painted byV oHf
Bros of this city. Good attrac-
tions will be played regularly and
the Nims City opera house is sure
to become a. popular place.
Commercial Hotel Sold
Ben Poteet has sold the Commercial -
mercial Hotel to Powell & Fall-
stead and CoI. James Powell will
act as landlord. l'dr. Powell will
doubtless play his part well and
should make a prince in the way
of a host. \Ve understand that a. .
number of important improvements -
ments are to be made at the hotel.
l\Ir. Poteet will continue to reside
in this city devoting his time to
looking after his extensive busi-
ness interests.
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TRIBUTE TO NEBRASKA
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(1)eivitt ( Republican . ) , q' , '
a '
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If " , 'ou are old , with the . fire dying omit of . your life ,
and the buoyancy leaving your limb ; if you are look- ;
incr at . the gray clouds overhead and longing for a land '
where ' your faded ; life may ' pass away in peace , come to 'I
N ebrask . H ere the sky is as' blue as the slay of Italy ; I
the air is full of fragrance and the land echoes : with the
voice of thousands who work beneath the pale glimmering .
ingof the stars . If you are a voting man toiling as
your father toiled , in worn out and barren deserts of
the east ; if you would like to live where the soil rewards
the toiler , where the grain waves and sparkles in the
morning dew and swells the cribs in the fall , where
banners of prosperity wave and the gaunt spectre of
starvation crosses into another state , come to N ebl aska.
Before many years every foot of land will be taken , the
hills that now know the spotted co\\r , the untamed
broncho or the black boar pig ; will echo to the heavy
tread of the book agent , as cultivation sweeps onward
This is a country where the sun used to shine through
the entire summer and the earth dried up like brick in ,
a furnace ; \ here the hot winds swept up their deadly
breath and before them the winter wheat withered and
the corn fell. Now the sun .takes a rest and gives the
rain a chance ; the hot winds have 'gone to Kentucky ;
the face of the earth seems to glow with beauty and
health , and the people who live in this marvelous coun-
try g-o around congratulating each other , and try to
analyze their , gladness ' Come to Nebraska.
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To The Public
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I have opened up a stock of Groceries ,
Flour and Feed in the Sol C. Stump
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building , one block west of the First
National Bank , where I will keep on
hand at all times a complete and up-to-
date stock of everything in my line , at
prices that are as low as is consistent
with first class goods. Call and get our
prices. .
, E. J. Shields
Wanted
At time City Hotel , a good lady
.Qook. Goo place and good
wages 1\'nt. McPherson ; Prop
One dollar buys 100 envelopes
and 100 sheets of writing paper
at the Tribune office. Good qual-
ity and neatly printed
.
D. S. McCarthy
PROPRIETOR OF
CITY DRAY LINE
Special Attention to Household Moving
Falls Nebraska
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