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Stories Told In the Cloakrooms
Senator Elect John Sharp
Williams on Grammatical Er
rors Representative Durton
anil His Wonderful Alcmory
wiim -
HEN John Sharp Williams
who has been promoted to
the senate takes his teat as
one of Mississippis senators
the house will lose one of its most en
tertaining story tellers The other
day he said recently I was amused
by the remark of one of the messen
gers at a committee room door Ho
was disputing with another negro and
in the most heated part of the argu
ment said That dont cut no signify
I think that there never was a more
ungrammatlcal expression than that
except one A man I knew went Into
a restaurant in Mobile and asked the
waiter to bring him some underdone
roast beef The waiter came buck with
a piece that was pretty well done and
the man protested
Best we got mister said tho
waiter We aint got none thats no
underdoner
The new senator has to stand some
good naturcd rallying now and then
because of the name of the place from
which he hails Yazoo It was the
Washington Star which recently prlnt
efl under a cartoon of the genial mi
nority leader the following stanza
A jf
WILLIAMS OF MISS
If you say to this man Who are you
Wheres your homo Oh tell me pray do
He will staro lor awhilo
With a quizzical smile
And reply J S Williams Yazoo
Marcus Aurelius Smith territorial
delegate from Arizona tells a story of
a girl who broe her engagement with
the man she was to marry
Why did you break your engage
ment aske I a friend
Oh she replied I just couldnt
marry a man with a broken nose
But how did the poor chap get his
nose broken
Why said the young woman 1
accidentally hit him with my brassle
when he was teaching me to play
golf
Senator W Murray Crane of Massa
chusetts is a somewhat serious minded
man befitting one whose paper mill
uanufactures the raw material out of
which Uncle Sams soft money Is made
Nevertheless the senator can and doe
tell a funny story now and then
Once up in my part of Massachu
setts said the senator there was a
farmer who desired to teach his chore
boj how to tell the difference between
a young turkey and an old one after
killing He said to tho boy
vL4 JfTsr
3KNAT0R CRANTS HHOBBTABT TATT HT7MT
1NG CRANES IN JIAS3ACUUSKTTS
Roger can you tell a young turkey
from an old tuxkeyr
I certainly can sir repliod thes
boj
How do you tell
By the tet
ThJ
have ho teeth
i
boy he MM thoi ttlry
c
When Senator Johnston
Posed as Gardener Sena
tor Crane the Farm Boy
and the Turkey
J
No but I have implied Roger
Senator Crane was lieutenant gov
ernor and governor of Massachusetts
before his appointment to fill out the
unexpired term of the late Senator
Hoar Later he was elected to a full
term Before his senatorial career be
gan he declined the post of secretary
of the treasury it is said because his
acceptance would have made it neces
sary for him to sell his paper mill His
mill manufactures under contract the
paper upon which our fiexiblo currency
Is printed
Senator Joseph F Johnston of Ala
bama who succeeded the lato venera
ble Senator Pettus has a sense of hu
mor in nowise dulled by mature age
and white hairs Until Senator Wil
liam J Bryan of Florida aged thirty
entered the august body a few weeks
ago Johnston claimed to bo a baby
senator because he was one of the
newest He is considerably more than
twice the age of Bryan
One of the stories which Senator
Johnston tells in the senato cloakroom
is a Joke partly on himself and partly
on a society woman of Birmingham
where the senator lives in a handsome
residence One day Johnston was out
In his garden hoeing some geraniums
Being clothed to suit the occasion he
did not present a dignified figure The
society lad who was a newcomer and
did not know tho distinguished citizen
j by sight sought to pay Mrs Johnston
a call ner ring at the door not being
answered she walked Into tho garden
to talk to the gardener
How long have you worked for the
Johnstons she Inquired
A good many years madam
Do they pay you well
About all I get out of It is my
clotht s and keep
Why come and work for me sIk
SENATOR JOHNSTOK AND A CARTOON OF
HIM
said Ill do that and pay you so
much a month besides
I thank you madam ho replied
bowing very low but I signed up
with Mrs Johnston for life
Why no such contract Is binding
That is peonage
Some may call it that but I havn
always called It marriage
Representative Theodore E Burton
of Ohio whose work In the iuterest of
rivers and harbors has mado him a
national figure is quite different from
the average congressman He spends
his spare time It Is said reading
French classics and English poetry
His bachelor apartments aro strewn
with books Burton Is something of a
bookworm though to excellent pur
pose When McKinley was preparing
to writo his famous tariff bill Burton
supplied many or tho important facts
upon which the measure was based
McKinley appealed to Burton because
he knew that Burton knew
But despite Burtons booklshness
and studiousueas the man possesses
truly human qualities like the average
person For one thing he never for
gets Jim Jones or Sam Simpkins In
Washington it Is told of Burton that
once an apparent stranger called to
Eee him
How do you do Mr Smith was
Burtons greeting You are let me
Bee you are Mr William Smith I
beliovo Back in wait a minute now
back In 1S92 jou sat with mo on a
platform at a meeting In the Twenty
third ward
And Mr William Smith gasped for
that waa so Ho and Burton had not
mot slnco nor before but Burton had
him spotted It may bo that Mr Bur
tons systematic study has resulted in
such a thorough
1UrJgT memory
farmer a tefoeted
rjrfct training that It retains eren trivial
Impressions like this
PITFALLS OF ENGLISH
Our Puzzling Language and Its Words
of More Than One Meaning
Of all modern languages English Is
undoubtedly the most difficult to ac
quire In addition to the ordinary
pitfalls of forms and Idioms that en
trap the foreigner struggling for mas
tery of a strange tongue there is one
so peculiar to ours that nothing even
remotely similar presents itself in any
other language whether ancient or
modern
Tills is the paradoxical word the
word which has two meanings diamet
rically opposed to each other It Is
not enough that with all the wealth
of words borrowed from half a score
qf other languages we must impose a
double and often a multiple burden on
some poor little monosyllabic word
like get for Instance whose mean
ings are legion Our language must
needs confound the student at the
gates with the paradox To give a
few examples
The word let means to allow
or permit and likewise to pre
vent hinder or refuse meanings
diametrically opposite I will let you
do It In the former sense is hardly
more common In use than the phrase
without let or hindrance and
Shakespeare has it By heaven Ill
make a ghost of him that lets pre
vents me
Cleave means to split asunder as
well as to adhere or bind closely
Scott makes Marmlon threaten to
eleave the Douglas head while
holy writ enjoins upon the husband to
cleave unto his wife
Another example is lurid which
meuuK both a dull red and also a
pale green hue tints that are exact
ly opposed in the scale of color While
the former Is the more common mean
ing the latter is more scholarly cor
rect as the word Is derived through
the Latin from the Greek adjective
meaning greenish hued
Again we have fast A horse
that Is fast may be in rapid motion
or standing tied stock still In either
sense whether of motion or immobili
ty the word emphasizes the idea
Examples of this bewildering pit
fall of our tongue might be multiplied
indefinitely It may be said of the
English speaking world as it was said
of the old Romans that their suprem
acy Is due to the fact that they da
not have to learn their own language
Chicago Record Herald
But
YEAST IS A PLANT
It Can Bo Seen ss Such
Only
With tho Microscope
Yeast Is a small plant which can be
seen only with the aid of the micro
scope says Good Health There are
two varieties wild and cultivated for
these tiny plants can be Improved
through cultivation as larger plants
can be
Firms which make yeast for the
market must grow these plants quite
as carefully as the florist grows his
flowers Care must be taken that they
do not become mixed with other varie
ties therefore destroying the culture
In some laboratories where yeast Is
grown two separate buildings are kept
for this purpose These are both care
fully disinfected and if it Is found
that the yeast becomes contaminated
in ono building the culture is started
anew and the other building previously
disinfected before moving into it
This plant like bacteria requires
warmth moisture and food The mate
rials out of which the bread is made
should always Imj warmed and the
dough should always 1 e kept In a
warm place The temperature most
favorable is about that of the body a
little less than 100 degrees
There is always considerable mois
ture In bread aud plenty of food for
the plant The food which it requires
is sugar This it obtains from the
wheat there being some sugar In the
flour and more sugar is also formed
from the starch
As the yeast plants feed upon sugar
they brsik it down into two sub
staacea iLohol an I a gas known as
cjrLon Iijxide or carbonic acid gas
As tin is formed it is held by the
glutei is a very elastic sub
sUii WIou the bread is put into the
oven the heat expands the tiuj bub
bles of gas causing the bread to rise
or to become much lighter The alco
hol formed being a volatile product
passes off into the baking
Progress
The martyr cannot be dishonored
Every lash inflicted is a tongue of
flame every prison a more illustrious
abodo Every burned book or house
enlightens the world Every suppress
ed or expunged word reverberates
through the earth from side to side
It i the whipper who is whipped the
tyrant who Is undone Emerson
Graveyard of Asiatics
The northern territory is th grave
yard of Innumerable Asiatics who en
ter by way of the gulf of Carpentaria
in quest of gold Death from thirst
and starvation accounts for thousands
The few who survive return to China
to spread the fame of Australias re
lentless solitude and hunger tracks
Chambers Journal
Advice
What would you do asked the ex
cited politician if a paper should call
you a liar and a thief
Well said the lawyer if I were
you Id toss up a cent to see whether
Id reform or lick the editor Cleve
land Leader
Never Touched Him
Doesnt begging make you asham
ed
Sura If you knew how stingy some
men were you would be ashamed of
being human Philadelphia Ledger
Like Finding Money
O R Woodworth Co tho popular your money
druggists aro making nn effort that is
just like finding money for they aro sell
ing a regular 50 cent bottle of Dr How
ards celebrated specific for tho cure of
oonstipation anddyspapsiuat half price
In addition to this largo discount they
agroo to return tho money to any pur
chaser whom tho specific does not cure
It is quito unusual to bo nblo to buy
fifty cent pieces for a quarter but that
is what this offer really meanH for it is
only recently through tho solicitation
of Druggist Woodworth that this niedi
cine could bo bought for less than fifty
cents they urged the proprietors to -low
them to sell it at this reduced price
for a little while aggreeing to sell a cor
tain amount Tho result has justified
their good judgment for tho sale has
buen something remarkable Anyone
who suffers with headache dyspepsia
dizziness sour stomach specks before
tho eyes or any liver trouble should
take advantage of this opportunity for
Dr Howards specific will cure all tfese
troubles But if by any chance it shoulc
fc
- i7i mii -
not C II Woodworth it Co will refui d
Ask to seo tho Stralhmoro typewriting
paper at Tiik Tuihunk office
NOTICE OF TAX SALE UEDEMPriON
ToMyrlio Miller You nro hereby notified
that mi tliolth dor of June 11XW I purchased at
private tax sale lots ono and two 1 and 2
block fine Park division to iudinuoln Nebras
ka that said lota were asMjs ed in the naino
ofMyrtio Miller that said lots were nesMd
and sold for the taxes of tho jours ilKK IWtt and
1D0I that 1 huo paid tho Mib etpieiit taxes
thereon of 1V0i and 1HK5 that the time of re
demption from said tax sale will oxniro on tho
Jth day of June 110S
M 3t
a it SMITH
REFEREES SALK
Hy virtue of an order of sale to mo directed
by tho clerk of the district court of Red Willow
county in the state or Nebraska fin a judgment
rendered in said court in favor of Minnie Ma
tilda Miller plaintiff against Albertiua Rogers
Hoy Rogers John S Miller Freida Phillippi
Albert lhillippi Daisy Phillippi and Edwin
Ihillippi defendants on the eleventh day of
December ISKJ7 for the i in and sale of tho
following described real estate tfi wit Tho
east half of the west half of sect ion two tho
northwest quarter of cction tine all in town
ship two north rane twciitj iiiuu and lots one
and two m block ten in the fourth addition to
McCook all in Red Willow Nebraska
I will oiler for sale to tho highest bidder for
cash on the Kith day of March IXW at the front
door of the court limine in said county attwo
oclock in the afternoon the above dccribcd
real estate
Dated this 13tli day of February WOS
J S LeIIkw Referee
makes ribbon changes unnecessary riv
Vi
npco rTrriPi7nrinrr o r
I
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133 LV UWiiUilV LUCllV i
This machine permits not on e vo i
f
iiiii iir Titmr
I
1 1 tl
If fel
full xiV330A l vtt
A SK your stenographer wliai ic ncans to change a type-
jL writer ribbon three times in getting out a days work
fr
fl Wsw M Umm
you
witn
one
ribbon and one machine the three -essential kinds of
1- I
crdj purple copying and red
iiv
--
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snglc color
o
Smith Premier lvnewriter Co 17th Rr Fa mam st nmaha
fflBSBCS8
V vUjs
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These features together with a Special Magazine Department make
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y
NOTICE OF REFEREES SALE
Hy virtue of an order of salo to nip jctcd
by tho clerk of tho district court of Red Y illow
county in tho Stato of Nebraska on a judgment
roiiuoroti in saiu ciiiii Y iTi
Rogers plaintiff against John b MillerMIniuo
Matilda Miller Edwin A Phil hppi Albert
Phillippi Harvey Ihillippi Dniby Phillippi
Freida Ihillippi and Roy Rogers defendants
on the eleventh day of DcccmberliiOi O
partition and salo of tho following described
real estate to wit Tho south half of the north
east quarter and lots ono and two section two
township two north rnngo tweiity iiino west ot
tho sixth principal meridian in said Red VViHpw
county I will offer for Mile to tho highest bidder
for cash on the ltith day of March 1 WW at tho
front door of the court house in McCook m said
county at two oclock in tho afternoon tho
above described real estate
Dated this iith flay of FobriiarylJ0S 2 1 l lts
J S LkIIkw Referee
Were Just
As Thankful
For n small package as a largo one
Each will receive tho same thorough
and careful attention If wo get tho
former it amy in time grow to tho later
by tho satisfaction you will dome in
wearing our laundered work Family
washing ic per pound
McCook Steam Laundry
W C BLAIR Prop
Successor to 5 C Heckman
PHONE 35
West Dennlson St
I
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