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O-
The
Scrap Book
A Phenomenon
A negro preacher chanced to make
use in the course of his sermon of the
word phenomenon At the close of
the meeting one of his congregation
asked the meaning of the word The
preacher put him off until the follow
ing Sunday when he thus explained
If you see a cow thats not a phe
nomenon If you see a thistle thats
not a phenomenon And if you see a
bird that sings thats not a phenom
enon either But if you see a cow
sitting on a thistle and singing like a
bird then thats a phenomenon
TO YOUNG MEN
Be firm One constant element in luck
Is genuine solid old Teutonic pluck
See yon tall shaft It felt the earth
quakes thrill
Clung to its base and greets the sunrise
still
Stick to your aim The mongrels hold
will slip
But only crowbars loose the bulldogs
grip
Small as he looks the jaw that never
yields
Drags down the bellowing monarch of
the fields
Tet in opinions look not always back
The wake is nothing mind the coming
track
Leave what youve done for what you
have to do
Dont bo consistent but be simply true
Oliver Wendell Holmes
An Easy One
A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation of the blood Trying to
make the matter clearer he said Now
boys if I stood on my head the blood
as you know would run into it and I
should turn red In the face
Yes sir said the boys
Then why is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary posi
tion the blood doesnt run into my
feet
A little fellow shouted Cause yer
feet aint empty
Its All In the Seasoning
Orville and Wilbur Wright inventors
of the flying machine live in Dayton
O where they conduct a bicycle fac
tors An aged Irishman a faithful
employee of theirs for a number of
years was absent on account of ill
ness Orville Wright a basket on his
arm visited the sick man and left
with him some dainties Including beef
tea
In a week or two the Irishman was
back at work Seeing him at his post
Mr Wright asked him how he liked his
beef tea
Shure not a bit said the old man
bluntly
Why beef tea is delicious if you
beat it and add a little salt and pep
per
Well sor it may be good thot way
said John but I put milk and sugar
to it
Plenty of Specimens
And what did my little darling do
In school today asked mother
We had nature study and it was
my turn to bring a specimen said the
boy
That was nice What did you do
I brought a cockroach in a bottle
and I told teacher we had lots more
and if she wanted I would bring one
every day Ladies Home Journal
Entranced
Soon after his first baby was born
his wife went upstairs one evening and
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I
OUR PRESIDENTS
J
ZACHARY TAYLOR
The twelfth president of the United States was born In Orange county Va
Ju 17S4 He grew up In Kentucky He was an ofHcer In the United States
army from 1S0S until his election to the presidency in 184S as the Whig candi
date General Taylors election was due to the reputation he won In the
Mexican war from which he returned with a remarkable series of victories
to his credit He was known to his men as Old Rough and Ready Presi
dent Taylor died In office after serving sixteen months During his brief occu
pancy of the presidential office the opposing party had a plurality In congress
President Taylors fame rests chiefly upon his military career culminating
with his great victory at Buena Vista
found him standing by the side of the
- crib and gazing earnestly at the child
She was touched by the sight and
tears filled her eyes Her arms stole
softly around his neck as she rubbed
her cheek caressingly against his
shoulder He started slightly at the
touch
Darling he murmured dreamily
it is incomprehensible to me how they
can get up such a crib as that for 00
cents
Known by His Friends
A forlorn looking man was brought
before a magistrate for dmnkenness
and disorderly conduct When asked
what he had to say for himself he
gazed pensively at the judge smoothed
down a remnant of gray hair and said
Your honor Mans inhumanity to
man makes countless thousands mourn
Im not as debased as Swift as profli
gate as Byron as dissipated as Poe or
as debauched as
That will do Thirty days And
officer take a list of those names and
run en in Theyre as bad a lot as he
is Lippincotts
How to Do It
In a family there are five children
and mother has only four potatoes
She wants to give every child an equal
share What is she going to do asked
the teacher
Silence reigned Finally a little boy
exclaimed
Mash the potatoes sir
The Noble Two
In a Scotch regiment the colonel In
charge had the option of changing the
time honored kilt and rugged bare
knees for trousers and up to date uni
form This order was to go by a ma
jority vote of the men themselves and
the sergeant was sent on a friendly
canvass
On his return with the list the colo
nel inquired
Well sergeant how many men have
you found so false to the traditions of
their race that they are willing to wear
the hated trousers of the Saxon
All except two sir
Cowardly sons of Bonnie Scotland
exclaimed the irate colonel And noble
noble two Noble two True to the
costume of their proud ancestors Give
me the names of these Scotchmen that
they may be handed down to genera
tions yet to be as examples to them
that come after them as patriots every
inch of them
The sergeant looking at his list said
proudly
Michael Doolan and Patrick Mur
phy sir
He Knew Only One
A teacher had been telling her class
of boys that worms had become so
numerous that they destroyed the
crops and it was necessary to import
the English sparrow to exterminate
them The sparrows multiplied very
fast and were driving away our na
tive birds
Johnny was apparently inattentive
and the teachervthinking to catch him
napping said
Johnny which is worse to have
worms or sparrows
Please I never had the sparrows
Ladies Home Journal
They Were Agreed
Lack of education is a great draw
back Farmer Jones said the summer
boarder
Aint Itr replied the farmer
Why theres men comes out here
who are fifty years old and never saw
corn planted
ji
Should Leavo It to the Lord
A gentleman residing In a small
town recently lost his- wife and In
deference to the last wishes of the
deceased the remains were cremated
Bridget Flannigan a former sen ant
In the family heard of her old mas
ters trouble and called to console him
Oh wlrra wlrra she cried rock
ing herself to and fro An yer poor
lady is dead Sure an its miserable
we all are for a more biissed sowl
niver lived
You are very kind to say so Brid
get
An ye had em burn her up
Yes she was cremated
Och the saints presarve us Why
didnt ye let the Lord tend to that
Lippincotts
The Middio Ages
Ella I have been reading an article
on the chivalry of the middle ages
Stella I think there is something in
the idea I have always found that the
middle aged men were more apt to
offer me a seat in a street car than
the young fellows were
Had the Real Thing at Home
Simeon Ford the New York humor
ist tells of a little girl who constantly
carried with her a big wax doll he
had given her Recently there arrived
in the household to which the little
girl belongs another joungster Dur
ing the afternoon foilowii tills in
teresting event Mr Ford meed to
encounter his little friend i ie street
Why Marie said he w heres your
nice doll Whereupon the little one
elevated her nose to an unwonted an
gle and said I dont have any use for
wax dolls now Weve got a real meat
baby at our house and that takes up
all my time
Perkin Warbecks Parents
King Edward asked Prince Edward
of Wales what he was studying and
the little prince said All about Perkin
Warbeck Asked who Warbeck was
he replied He pretended he Avas the
son of a king but he wasnt He was
the son of respectable parents
His Fighting List
Mike sat busily engaged in copying
the names of the male population of
the immediate vicinity His good wife
noting the apparent industry of her
lord asked what he was doing
Begorra an its wroitin the names
o the min phwat Oi kin lick so Oi
am ho exclaimed
A few minutes later the woman put
on her shawl and went to Tat OLea
rys humble home where she inform
ed Tat that she saw his name was on
the list
Without waiting to don his coat
OLeary sallied forth in search of Mike
who was found still engaged at the
list
Moike said Pat in a tone that
sounded like the thunders of heaven
they say as how yez air makin a
lisht o the felleys yez kin lick an
thot me names on it
An so tis retorted Mike
But rist yer sowl exclaimed Pat
shaking his fist close to Mikes pro
boscis yez cant do it
Thin Oill scratch yer name off
said Mike feebly and he continued
adding to the list
Not Frightened by the Warning
If such a thing occurs again Marie
I shall have to get another servant
said the lady
I wish jou would madam theres
quite enough work for two of us
was the reply
How to Teach Sister to Swim
F Hopkinson Smith painter author
engineer and professional optimist
says he overheard a conversation be
tween two Boston youngsters selling
newspapers
Say Harry wats de best way to
teach a girl how to swim asked the
younger one
Dats a cinch First off you puts
your left arm under her waist and you
gently takes her left hand
Come off shes me sister
Aw push her off de dock
Evidently His Mother Raised Chickens
The teacher recited to her pupils
The Landing of the Pilgrims after
which she requested each one to draw
from his or her imagination a picture
of Plymouth rock One little fellow
hesitated and at length raised his hand
Well Willie what is it
Please maam do you want us to
draw a hen or a rooster
He Didnt Dine
Mr Brown had just had a telephone
put in connecting his office and house
and was very much pleased with it
I tell you Smith he was saying
this telephone business is a wonder
ful thing I want you to dine with
me this evening and I will notify Mrs
Brown to expect you Speaking
through the telephone My friend
Smith will dine Avith us this evening
Then to his friend Now listen and
hear how plain her reply comes back
Mrs Browns reply came back with
startling distinctness Ask your
friend Smith if he thinks we keep a
hotel
Watching Plants Grow
Procure a little collomia seed Take
one of the seeds and Avith a razor cut
off a very tiny slice place it on a slide
cover with a glass and place under the
microscope The instrument must be
in a vertical position When it is well
focused and lighted moisten it Avith a
drop of water The seed will absorb
the moisture and throw out a very
large number of spiral fibers giving
the appearance of veritable germina
tion Beginners will find it easier if
one applies the moisture while the oth
er looks through the instrument Ex-
nh n n rr J
FRANK ROCKEFELLER
Brother of John D Whose Hobby Is
Collecting Wild Animals
Frank Rockefeller who denies the
authenticity of a recent IntervIoAV in
which he was quoted as calling John
D a monster and other unpleasant
names is the youngest of the three
Rockefeller brothers ne Is Avorth sov
eral millions but by no means so
wealthy as either of his brothers
Formerly he Avas interested to some
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FKANK KOCKEFELIiEK
extent in Standard Oil but now he has
no connection Avith that business
Mr Rockefeller lives near Cleveland
ne has a country place on the lake
several miles out of the city called
Lakeland His chief hobby is the col
lection of wild animals On his place
he has a large assortment of Avild live
stock Including bears elk buffalo an
telope and other interesting beasts
Next to my family he once re
marked I love animals more than
anything else in the Avorld and by
simply having fun Avitli them I have
found out a good many things and
learned a good many lessons that I
never could have learned otherwise
In Kansas and Texas Mr Rockefel
ler owns large ranches His Kansas
ranch comprising more than 14000
acres is one of the largest in the
Avorid
Mr Rockefeller has three daughters
He spends much of his time traveling
During the five or six months of each
year which he spends at Cleveland he
goes daily to his office and works from
six to eight hours It is assumed
that he is estranged from John D
Rockefeller because of business deal
ings in Avhich the younger man was
worsted
SHUMAKER AND HUSTON
Mam MAnfmnfirl f Crtvrnrtf r
Pennsylvanias Capitol Scandal
Criminal prosecutions are expected
shortly in Pennsylvania in connection
ivith the great graft scandal in relation
to the building of the neAV state capi
iol The inAestigating committee which
probed the affair has made its report
Following this report James M Shu
maker who as superintendent of pub
lic buildings and grounds Avas conspic
uous in the construction of the capitol
makes a statement in Avhich he prom
ises to spring a sensation
Shumaker declares that he is inno
cent of Avrongdoing but that he knoAAs
a great deal about the big graft and
Avill go on the Avitness stand and tell
everything A certain man high in of
ficial life at Harrisburg he sajs
BMHWMMi MliriM IHl IIEfrMM I I IWlf Ill
JAMES M SHUirAKEK AJO JOSEPH SI
HUSjTOX
should be in the penitentiary Shu
maker also states that the grafting
was to cover a shortage in the state
treasury thereby saving the reputation
of a former United States senator from
Pennsylvania who Is now dead
Another man who had much to do
with the construction of the new capi
tol Is Joseph II Huston who was the
nrchltect of the building
Public interest in the matter Is con
liderably enhanced by the committee
report and by the Shumaker statement
A CURE FOR CUSSING
Thi Penitent Scotsman Found His
Load a Heavy One
A clergyman In Scotland observed
with much perturbation that a mem
ber of his congregation was greatly
given to the use of strong language
0cr and over again he remonstrated
with the man to give up the bad habit
In time the man himself came to see
the error of his Avays and desired no
less earnestly to break himself of the
use of bad language The difficulty
however was to find a method of
doing so One day the clergyman hit
upon a happy thought
Get a bag he said to the man
and every time you swear put a
pebble into it At the end of the
month you will bring that bag to me
I Avill count the pebbles and see Avhat
the effect lias been
The man accepted the Idea Avith
alacrity He got a bag and religious
ly every time he swore Avhat Mr Gil
bert in the Pinafore calls a big big
D he duly put a pebble Into It At
the end of the month he went to the
clergyman taking the bag with him
It Avas not an easy task for as any
one might see the bag Avas wry full
and Aery heavy lie Avent into the
clergymans study and put the bag
on the table
The minister looked up Avith a seri
ous expression This is A ery serious
my friend I am sorry to see you have
so many pebbles In the bag
Hoot minister exclaimed the man
cheerfully tills is only the devils
the damns are ail at the dikeside in
another bag They Avere over heavy
to bring up Excelsior
A CLEVER TRICK
The Way Lord Cockrane Once Won an
English Election
When Lord Cochrane Avas a candi
date for parliament in Honiton he re
fused to give any bribes As his oppo
nent gave a head Lord Cochrane
suffered defeat The latter hoAvever
sent the bellman round the town an
nouncing that all those avIio had Aoted
for Lord Cochrane avouUI receive 10
guineas apiece if they called on his
agent In those preballot days of
course it Avas known Iioav eacli man
Aoted and the happy minority march
ed off to the agent each getting his K
guineas Naturally enough the major
ity began to think they had made a
mistake and they resolved to rectifj
that mistake at the first possible in
ment In due course an opportunity
came There Avas another election
Lord Cochrane stood again and the
voters remembering his lavish meth
ods asked him no questions but re
turned him Avitli a roaring majority
Then they conveyed a delicate hint to
the noble lord asking Avhat he pro
posed to giAe them for this distinguish
ed service Not one farthing roared
his lordship The unhappy men re
minded him that he had paid 10 guin
eas a head to the minority at the pre
vious election A complacent grin
brightened the face of the member as
he gaA e this explanation The former
gift A as for their disinterested con-
duet in not taking the bribe of from
the agents of my opponent For me
iioav to pay them Avould be a A ioIation
of my oavii previously expressed prin
ciples
Identified
Tommy made himself the hero of a
story Avhicli the Poston Kecord prints
when he called for that one about the
boy Aiio ate the ribbons and It made
him sick
Aunt Ethel Avas puzzled I knoAV
of no such story she said after
searching her memory A ainly
Nothing she could suggest ansAA ered
the description Tommy cannot read
but he thought he could find the book
ne found it They read one thing aft
er another until in the midst of the
Night Before Christmas Tommy gave
a AA hoop of glee Aunt Ethel Avas read
ing
He rushed to the AvindoAV and
threw up the sash
Thats it Thats it cried Tommy
You see its just as I told you
A Dutch Ironclad
It is of interest to note that accord
in to some authorities the Dutch
were the first in the modern period of
history to build an ironclad and that
during the siese of Antwerp by the
Spaniards in loSo the people of that
city built an enormous flat bottomed
vessel armored it with heavy iron
plates and thus constructed what they
regarded as an impregnable battdry
This they named Finis Belli Unfor
tunately the vessel got aground before
coming into action and fell into the
hands of the enemy It was held by
Alexander of Parma to the end of the
siege as a curiosity but was never em
ployed by either side in any action
A Handy Measure
If you have a pint jug and wih to
measure oft half a pint with tolerable
accuracy it useless to try and do so
I by guessing when the jug is half full
A better way is to tilt the jug until
j the contents just reach to the upper
I end of the bottom of the vessel and
I just touch the lip at the lower end of
the mouth In this way the space in
the pint jug is practically cut into two
equal portions each half representing
the space taken by half a pint Lon
don Graphic
Man Is Wiser
Gerryman at the mirror Put a
monkey before a looking glass they
say and he will look behind it Miss
Sharpe But a man knows better He
knows he wont find anything funnier
there than the face he sees before him
Boston Transcript
All affectation Is the vain and ridic
ulous attempt of poverty to appear
rich Lavater
f
Fred Wiggins
Auctioneer
Will cry your
Hio any timo
anywhero
Bills posted
in the Sappy
country Tin
cupH furnish d
for your frco
lunch without
extra chargo
Terms 810
for li ret 81000
or less 1 per
ct on all sales
running over
81000 All dates made by
9Gtf The Danbury News
I DrHsrbertJPrafti
ItKOISTEKEll QmnUATB
Dentist
Otlico ovnr McConiieUs Dtiik Stom
McCOOK NEB
Tolnphnnoi Oliicu IW nyilfiic 131
Foniiur locution Ulnnta Utornia
fk i2SiiilAiV
HAPT RARRFTT
J I J ft 1 Km B
PRACTICAL
Architect
and Builder
Repairing and Remodeling
Buildings a Specialty
g iUCUUUA - IM iiSitnOAO
Shop Plionu 121
E F OSBORN
J W WENTZ
OSBORN WENTZ
Draymen
Prompt Service
Courteous Treatment
Reasonable Prices
GIVE US A TRIAL
DIAMOND
CO
IADIES
e BRAND
cni c
AU jour Irurt for
UIAilONU 1IKAXD r
Gold metallic boxes
Ribbon Takc no
DruxKlni nnI ak
ILLS in Ki D amlA
Sealed with Bluc0
OTHER Tiny oF your VX
for ClIICilES TlirS v
9IA3IOXD BKANI 1IILfi for twentv fiTQ
years regarded as Best Safest Always R hable
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS
TIMK
TRIHD
EVERYWHERE
ttttitAtti
Seeiii
Is Mien I
iFiniiiiirnfiniTlrijiiifiwi maa
If you will figure with us and
quBlity of material is any object
you will be easily convinced that
we out class all competition
BARWETT
LIB CO
TMTTTVTT
treat
Lumber an
Center
Home of Quality
and Quantity where
W C
V T vi
dOoel
BULLARO
sells THE BEST LUM
BER AND COAL
V Are you thinking of
building If so it is ten
to one our figures will
please you
M O McCLURE
Phone No 1
Manager
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