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DCII as tho average American
Ik Interested in warships and
naval warfare It is seldom
that the civilian sees a real
sen fight or even an imitation one
Many a person who knows Just how
John Paul Jones vanquished the Brit
ish in tho war of the Revolution how
Admiral Fnrragut calmly sailed over
tho torpedoes at Mobile how Dewey
sunk the ships of the dons In Manila
bay and how Togo annihilated Itojest
venskys fleet in the sea of Japan nev
er saw a warship In action either In a
real fight or a sham battle
A leading feature of the Jamestown
exposition which celebrates tho three
hundredth anniversary of English set
tlement of America Is the naval and
maritime display In which tho princi
pal nations of the whole world take
part Warships of all kinds from the
monster fighting vessels to submarine
and little dispatch boats may be ob
served in this displaj but it was
thought visitors would be Interested
not only to see representatives of the
navies of the world lying peacefully
at anchor but to witness some of the
ships in action as though actually en
gaged In hostile operations and combat
to the death As Ilainpton Roads was
the scone of one of the most noted con
tests In modern naval warfare the
battle between the Merrimac and Moni
tor in the civil war this engagement
was chosen as the one as far as prac
ticable to be reproduced The United
States government set apart 10000 of
Its appropriation for exhibits and build
ings in order that an educational spec
tacle of this kind might be given on
the very spot where the original fight
occurred and In order that It might be
repeated at proper intervals during the
season The same famous contest Is
made tho subject of a cycloramic pro
duction to be witnessed on the Trail
the Jamestown Midway In this spec
tacle the battle is presented with the
utmost realism cannon are seen in ac
tion the crack and roar of the guns
are deafening and every movement of
the ships is in harmony with the most
authentic records as to the operations
THE ANCHOR OP TH1I ilEKRIilAC
of the two ironclads during the his
toric contest Just at the climax tho
curtain falls leaving the audience to
determine whiclx was victor as this is
a subject which has always been in
dispute
There are people still living in the
vicinity of Hampton Roads who re
member tne terrible days of March
S and 9 1SG2 as vividly as though the
events of those days occurred but yes
terday The bravest of them risked
the flying missiles of death and went
to the shores of Ilampton Roads to
witness the engagement which was to
become so famous Indeed at one time
during the battle both ships approached
within about 200 yards of shore so that
the land forces participated in the
fighting The great piers the govern
ment has constructed at the exposi
tion grounds extend out over the water
for more than half a mile and thus
enable the visitor to walk directly over
where the Monitor and Merrimac at
one part of the engagement were in
combat It is said that this very spot
was repeatedly shelled by the land
batteries of the Federal forces
The Monitor was the first of a class
of naval vessels designated as mon
itors and was designed and built for
the United States government by John
Ericsson in 1SG1 and 1S02 Ho adopt
ed as the most essential feature of its
construction the revolving gun turret
devised by the American inventor
Theodore Ruggles Timby The supe
riority of the sea power of the Con
federacy at the beginning of the civil
war made it necessary for the Federal
government to exert itself In making
effectual President Lincolns blockade
of southern ports For this reason the
Monitor was hurried to Hampton
Roads even before the usual govern
ment test had been made in order that
she might cope with the Merrimac
which the Confederates had been build
ing at the Norfolk navy yard The
Merrimac was first on the scene and
had already done a great deal of dam
age to the Federal fleet In the vicinity
when the Monitor arrived on March 9
and engaged her In battle This fight
ended the day of wooden navies The
Merrimac was destroyed by the Con j
federates on the evacuation of Nor-
folk The Monitor sank during a galoj
in 1SG2 The Merrimacs anchor has
been preserved and may now be seen
at the exposition
When It Hurt
Bobby admiring the India ink tat
tooing on Dickeys arm Did it hurt
much Dickey Not till my mother
saw It
The Forco of Habit
Do I snore said the fat commer
cial drummer I should say so Thats
why I cant use an alarm clock I cant
hear em My snore drowns the best of
em And speaking of tho force of
habit I put up once at a crowded
country hotel where I had to double up
with an acquaintance I told him I
snored a few but he didnt mind ho
said because his wife was a star in
that Hue and he had a system to
beat It
Ill Just tap you on tho shoulder
every time you begin to snore he ex
plained Thatll stop you without
waking you and after a little Ill drop
off myself
It worked like a charm I felt his
taps for a time but finally off I went
on a dream of 10000 salary and 10
per cent commission Well sir when I
awoke In the morning there was that
chap tapping away at my shoulder reg
ular as clockwork and he sound asleep
Been at it all night dont you see
Force of habit
And he beamed indulgently on the
silent party New York Globe
The Bachelor Maids Keys
Do I enjoy the freedom of a latch
key exclaimed the bachelor maid bit
terly Look at that bunch holding
aloft a ring full of keys Fifteen and
1 have to carry all of them all the
time This one is the key to the studio
building this to my own studio this to
my club this to my hamper at the
club this to my desk this to the se
cret drawer of the desk this to a
trunk this to another this to my let
ter box this to my sewing machine
oh yes the woman who comes to clean
my studio would do her annual sewing
there if I didnt this to my box in the
safety deposit this to the piano to
keep the woman from using it of
course this positively I forget what
it Is for but I know I need it often
Im simply worn out lugging around a
wrist bag big enough to hold them all
I assure you my dear that if you ever
hear I have committed matrimony you
may tell all my friends I needed a
man to carry my keys for me New
York Sun
Greater Than the Nation
There is a certain congressman who
whatever authority he may hold in
the councils of state is of compara
tively minor importance in his own
household Indeed it has been un
kindly intimated that his wife is the
whole thing in their establishment
Representative and Mrs Blank had
been to Baltimore one afternoon
When they left the train at Washing
ton on their return Mrs Blank dis
covered that her umbrella which had
been Intrusted to the care of her hus
band was missing
Wheres my umbrella she de
manded
Im afraid Ive forgotten it my
dear meekly answered the congress
man It must still be In the train
In the train snorted the lady
And to think that the affairs of the
nation are intrusted to a man who
doesnt know enough to take care of a
womans umbrella Success
Tn Vystery of Death
Oh death how bitter is the thought
of thee How speedy thy approach
How stealthy thy steps How uncer
tain thy hour How universal thy
sway The powerful cannot escape
thee the wise know not how to avoid
thee the strong have no strength to
oppose thee the rich cannot bribe
thee with their treasure Thou art a
hammer that always strikes a sword
that is never dull a net into which all
fall a prison into which all must en
ter a sea on which all must venture a
penalty which all must suffer a trib
ute which all must pay Oh death
death Implacable enemy to the hu
man race Why didst thou enter into
the world Luis de Granada
Made Sure It Was Used
An old farmer and his wife noted
for their niggardliness had a custom
of allowing the servant only one match
to light the fire with each morning
One morning the match failed to kin
dle so the servant went to their bed
room door and asked for another one
A whispered consultation was held
between the two then audibly the wife
said
Will you risk her wi anither ane
John
I doot well hae tae risk her Janet
replied John but be sure an seek a
sicht o tho ane she got last nicht
Glasgow Times
One Ring and Another
I wonder when the ring first be
came connected with fighting said
the follower of pugilism Oh replied
Henpeck I suppose it dates back to
the beginning of the Christian reli
gion Whats that What has pugi
lism to do with religion Oh I
thought you were speaking of the wed
ding ring Philadelphia Press
The Doctors Aim
Some frivolous person has remarked
that illness was like a struggle between
two people and that the doctor resem
bled the third man who intervened to
separate them with a club Sometimes
he hit the disease on the head and
sometimes the patient Hospital
Intermission
He yelled at the top of his voice for
two hours and then stopped
Well said his mother are you
going to be good Have you finished
crying
No said Tommy I have not fin
ished Im only resting
Forcing Business
Coster irritable through lack of
trade Buy a box o cough lozenge3
otic for Rvef finrlnr T hnvnnt rrrvf o
-London Tit-
Short Stories
Hbout people
mbo Sdrite
T
RUDYAKD KXELIXCJ AXD A CARICATURE OP
HIM
negio hall New York As he was sail
ing for Europe some one asked him for
his opinion on the much discussed
poet question and he said there were
no poets left now either in this coun
try or England with possibly the ex
ception of Swinburno lie smiled when
asked about Rudyard Kipling said he
had not read him much and remarked
that he showed sparks of genius which
were quickly extinguished
Though this was a cruel blow coming
from a fellow member of the literary
guild Mr Kipling will hardly mind it
as he has become used to sarcasm at
his expense He has been perhaps the
most praised and the most abused of
contemporary English writers of verse
and fiction He has been cartooned
and caricatured a great deal too and
has a face and figure which lend them
selves well to the purposes of the
comic artist The accompanying serio
comic portrait is one of a series pub
lished recently in the Bookman
Others in the same series took off
the personal peculiarities of Richard
Watson Gilder and George Ade Mr
Gilder has a strikingly intellectual face
but one of a type whose peculiarities
can easily be exaggerated by a carica
turist He has never enjoyed very
good health and Is retiring to the point
of bashfulness But he was not bash
ful about responding to the summons
MB GILDER IN REALITT AND IN CARICA
TURE
when the call came to serve his coun
try in the Union army during the civil
war nor has he been timid about ful
filling his duties as a citizen since for
he has led in
many movements for so
cial reform No less an authority than
Kicnartt Le Galllenne charges Mr
cough Coster Well fight me an buy flerSAlitary man with leading a
some stuff for black eyes
Bits
jort of double
makes It out
life This is how ho
The editor of the Century Is not
I merely a passionate amorist he la a
i charming nature poet as well Mid
all the turmoil of going to press the
anxious duties of rejecting manuscripts
for his magazine he Is yet able to feel
not merely the pulse of tho public
but the great simple heart of the
world beating and to hear her voice
HE Winston Churchill of Ene 1 calllnc him wlstfullv oven thrnutrh tha
land who was recently appoint- j well guarded doors of the Century
ed privy councilor of the Lib- club
eral cabinet is a very young
man to have achieved what he has and
to havo distinguished himself In so
many different fields At thirty three
ho has mastered things which most
men would take half a century to learn
In the dozen years since he reached his
majority he has been In army cam
paigns in India taken part in the bat
tle of Khartum been a war corre
spondent in South Africa has foughr
-
if
WINSTON CHURCH
ILL ANI A SNAP
SHOT SHOWING
IIISI ADDBESSINO
THE HOUSE OJ
COMMONS
the Boers and been captured by them
afterward effecting a remarkable es
cape has traveled in America and the
Philippines been a parliamentary lead
er on both the Conservative and Lib
eral sides and attained fame in the
field of literature He is very boyish
looking Some time ago he thought to
give himself an appearance of greater
age by raising a mustache About that
time he had occasion to take into din
ner a lady who had a reputation for
wit
Mr Churchill she said I like your
politics as little as I like your mus
tache It should have been a crush
ing shot but not so to Churchill His
reply was on the instant Madam you
are not likely to come In contact with
either
The now historic question Where
are your poets was asked by Ambas
sador James Bryce at a dinner in NeW
York and referred to America But ac
cording to the Dutch writer Maarten
Maartens the same question might ap
propriately be put with regard to Eng
land also This writer whose real name
is J M W Yvlvl der Poorten Schwartz
too long and hard a name for literary
signature was in the United States re
cently in order to attend the national
arbitration and peace congress at Car-
It seems a pity that a man with so
sincere a love of nature should be con
demned to earn his living by such In
human means as editing a successful
magazine How Mr Gilders heart
must sink when after some days in the
country he feels the dread irreslstiblo
change coming over him once more and
realizes that tho dark being who Uvea
side by side with him in his mysterious
double life Is about to resume his gris
ly shape and the Jekyll of the amorous
lyrics be lost In the editorial Hyde
A good inany of the humorists of to
day would have to go out of business
if they could not use slang or dialect
One of George Ades works is called
Fables In Slang and Its title led the
noted critic and essayist Professor
Henry van Dyke to say
If I can persuade men to see the
difference between Shakespeares writ
ings and Fables In Slang I think I
will accomplish a great task
As soon as this remark got Into print
the question was put to Mr Ade as
to what he thought of the professors
attack on slang
Well I dont want to say anything
against Shakespeare said Mr Ade
He couldnt reply and besides I am
in a position to sympathize with him
Neither of us is much of a go in New
Yoik My Bad Samaritan went to
smash in Broadway because it was too
Innocent of slang I guess that puts
me in Shakespeares class all right
But Shakespeare has plenty of
slang Falstaff and Pistol used little
TWO PORTRAITS OP
GEORGE ADE
else and The Merry Wives of Wind
sor is almost a continuous stream of
colloquial English People dont know
what pressure is brought to bear for
slang I have tried my best to get
nway from it
Edwin Markham has written many
other things that have helped to es
tablish his rank in literature but he is
still known as author of The Man
With the Hoe It has been said of
this poem that it rang throughout the
land and awoke responsive echoes ev
erywhere Markham has been con
tributing to Harpers and Scribners
and the Atlantic for thirty years and
more but it was not until The Man
With the Hoe appeared that he awoke
to find himself famous The poem
opens with these lines
Bowed by the weight of centuries he leans
Upon his hoe and gazes on the ground
Tho emptiness of ages in his face
And on his back the burden of the world
Mr Markham being a poet who ex
presses the yearnings and aspirations
of the oppressed and downtrodden
naturally takes an interest in such
movements as that designed to abolish
child labor He once attended a dinner
in furtherance of the movement in New
York In the course of his speech he
remarked Where we have a fair child
lligfe
the
MAN WITH THE HOE
MARKHAM
AND EDWIN
labor law It Is to often made null
through the lies that the childrens
parents make them tell A minister
asked a poor thin pallid bobbin boy
how old he was
It depends the boy answered cau
tiously
Depends said the minister De
pends on what
Tf Im goin on the train Im under
twelve but if Im lookin for a job Im
over fourteen
All She Had
In the absence of his wife and the
i5lness of the servant Mr Taylor un
dertook to help three-year-old Marjory
to dress
He had succeeded In getting her
arms in the sleeves and through the
armholes of her garments and had
buttoned her into them Then he told
her to put on her shoes herself and he
would button them
He soon discovered that she was
vainly striving to put a left shoe on
her right foot
Why Marjory he aid impatiently
dont you know any better than that
You are putting your shoes on the
7vrong feet
Deys all de foots I dot papa re
plied Marjory tearfully Youths Com
anlon
Not to Bo Fooled
A resident of a New England town
who was noted for his great kindness
to animals viewed the first horse cars
with dismay its sheer cruelty thats
what It Is he Insisted and the plea
of convenience or necessity had no In
fluence upon him
Id walk to Boston and back before
Id add a pounds weight to what thoso
poor creatures have to drag he de
clared and no persuasion could induco
him to ride In a street car dragged by
overworked tired horses When elec
tricity was applied and the cars went
smoothly along without the horses his
son said
Now father you can ride on tho
street cars without worrying about
horses You can go into Boston at
your ease now
James said the old man you al
ways rush at conclusions You dont
study Into things as I do Dont I read
in the papers about every car having
to have so much horsepower And
dont I know well enough what that
means And the old gentleman sigh
ed It simply means my son that
the poor horses are being worked just
as hard and just as many hours only
we dont see em
Those power houses could tell tales
I reckon No Ive no more use for
street cars now than I ever had and
for the same reason Youths Com
panion
Barbers Hair Cut
Wished I had time to go out and get
my hair cut remarked a barber as he
removed part of the lather from the
customers lips with his second linger
Time to go out and get it cut re
peated the man in the chair with the
emphasis on out Are you like the
man that wont eat In his own restau
rant Arent you willing to trust one
of your own men to cut your hair
Oh Id trust them all right said
the barber It isnt that but you
hardly ever see a barber getting his
hair cut in his own place The other
barbers all like to go home promptly
at quitting time and if one of us gets
work done during the day there is sure
to be a rush about that time and it
makes a customer sore if he has to
wait with two barbers right here and
not waiting on him He doesnt like to
wait around while one barber cuts an
other barbers hair Cleveland Plain
Dealer
His Impression
Mr White Tell me Uncle Rufus
how did you feel when that savage
catamount jumped on your back as you
were cominsr throuch the woods in tho
dark and began to claw and rend you
Uncle Rufus Hank Uh Avell sah tell
yo whats a fact thankee I lowed
twuz muh Avife Yo see I was uh
gittin home dess a little bit antiquated
fum de lodge o de Cullud Knights and
Shivvyleers and inuh nachl spicion
was dat de lady had got tired o
waitin and come to meet me If Id
organized dat twuz a catamount dat
had me by de back I reggin Id uh
ben skeered plumb to death but
thinkin to muhsef dat twuz nobody
but muh wife I dess breshed de var
mint aside accawdin to muh custom
and come uh bogin along home happy
in muh ignunce Puck
The Gloved Gambler
An American who visited Monte Car
lo was telling of an incident there In
one of the gold rooms he said a
gentleman in lavender gloves was
playing in wonderful luck winning
nearly every stake As a great stack
of plaques you know those beautiful
big gold pieces called plaques was
pushed to him in the croupier I heard
a young lady whisper in his ear
Tt is very odd monsieur to wear
gloves at play What do you do it for
Luck
The fortunate player smiled grimly
Not at all he replied T promised
my wife on her deathbed never again
to touch a card
Traveling Sand Hills
On the coast of Pomerania there are
large tracts of sand heaped up by the
wind hundreds of yards In breadth
and from GO to 120 feet high and
these hills propelled by the wind
move steadily in an easterly direction
The speed at which these great hills
travel Is from thirty nine to fifty six
feet a year Pine woods which some
times come in their line of march can
not stop them and are completely de
stroyed The branches are rotted eff
by the sand and nothing is left of the
trees but the bare stems which after
a few yeais wither and die
A Crowd Is Not Company
But little do men perceive what soli
tude is and how far it extendeth for a
crowd is not company and faces are
but a gallery of pictures and talk but
a tinkling cymbal where there is no
love Bacons Essay on Friendship
A Good Point
Prospective Purchaser I like the
looks of this automobile but suppoce I
should run over some one and Sales
manThe springs are so easy sir
youd scarcely be jarred at all Cleve
land Piaiu Dealer
Playing Railroad
Irate Parent Here What is all
this racket Bobby Please papa we
are playing a train of cars and I am
the locomotive Irate Tarent You are
the locomotive eh Well I think Ill
just switch you
Well Acquainted
Magistrate Stay I cannot allow
you to address the bench in this fa
miliar manner Prisoner Beg your
honors pardon but you and me has
met so often we seems like old friends
It is only by labor that thought can
be made healthy and only by thought
that labor can be made happy Bus
kin
DR B J GUNN
DENTIST phonb m
OHIco Itootus 3 nnd 3 Walsh Mle McCook
BEGGS CHERRY COUGH
SYRUP Cures BRONCH f IS
-GO TO-
HS GODFREY
CO
for Bargains in
Flour and Feed
Red Lion Silver Leaf
Oak Leaf Faultless
Isabelle Flour
AGENTS FOR
LIQUID KOAL
The best of every
thing in his line at
the most reasonable
d r l ces is
motto
your
hopes
flarshs
He wants
trade and
by merit to
keep it
The Butcher
Phone 12
JEGGS CHERRY COUGH
SYRUP Cures BRONCHITIS
JXJTXTES
KWOaKCVTO37TCmCBcraEsraW
p
nnaM
iiW fT
Opening of
Huntley Lands
33000 acre government irrigated land
near Billigs Montana opened by lottery
system June 2G cheap excursion rates to
register for these rich irrigated lands
Finest prizes yet offered by the govern
Cost approximately 30 an acre
divided into ten yearly payments Get
details
To Pacific
Coast
Specially low round trip California rate
Jane th to loth Juno 22nd to July 3th
Also to Portland Seattle and Spokane
June 20th to July 12tb Daily low rate
Coast tours commencing June 1st
Slightly higher via Shasta route
Good Chances
Eastwards
Daily low Jamestown Exposition ratea
with trips available for New York
Philadelphia Boston Atlantic Coiist re
sorts Also July 3rd to 6th very cheap to
Saratoga with side trips to New York
also July 11th to lath to Philadelphia
Big Horn
Basin
Wo run personallv conducted hozneseek
ers excursions June 4th and IStli under
guidance of D Clem Deaver General
Agent Landseekers Information Bureau
Round trip 52000
Call or write for details
GEORGE S SCOTT
Ticket Agent McCook Neb
L W WAKELEY G P A Omaha Neb
