WHAT SHE ASKED HIM
Not a Cigarette Smoker
1 l V VHQgfglgri
They were sitting close together in t
the gathering twilight so close to
gether that she tickled his cheek with
her eyelashes
And do ypureally love me she
whispered -while her heart stood still
-to await his answer
J do he averred He had returned
the same reply about 3000 times dur
ing the previous two years so it was
probable he had come to believe it
Do you love me truly
Truly dear
Much
Very much
Ever so much
Ever so very much
How much dear It is an awk
ward question for a girl to put but
they all put it Love you see cannot
fce measured in quantities and that
snakes it difficult to answer the lady
when she wishes to know the extent
of your affections How much dear
Much more than I can tell you
darling
She sighed at that Any reasonable
-girl might have been satisfied But
no girl is reasonable when she is in
3ove
Do you love me a million pounds
-worth
More than that dear
Ten million pounds worth
Ever so much more than that
Do you love me just as much as
ever you can
You know I do darling
She sighed again Still she was not
contented Did you ever know a girl
Tvho was
When we are married dear will
you be happy
Shant I just he ejaculated
And when we are married will
you love me more than ever
Yes darling
Moie than you do now
Yes sweetheart
Oh you false brute she sobbed
T knew you couldnt love me much
mow else how could you love me
more when were married Oh its
Cruel cruel
But darling he urged But she
Tvould not have any buts She went
Straight away and left him without
saying good night and it cost him two
3oxes of chocolates and a new gold
charm for her chain before she would
callow him to apologize and admit he
was in the wrong
A good old gentleman who was
r strongly opposed to tobacco smoking
and alcoholic liquor drinking met a
13ady friend in a street car recently
sand their conversation was as follows
Have you any children madam
Yes sir a son
Ah indeed Does he smoke
No sir he has never so much as
ttouched a cigarette
So much the better madam the
mse of tobacco is a poisonous habit
IDoes he frequent the clubs
He has never put hisfoot in one
Allow me to congratulate you Does
Flie come home late
Never He goes to bed directly
rafter dinner
A model young man madam a
rmodel young man How old is he
Two months
The good old gentleman bade the
Qady good morning and left the car
without a smile
DIVORCE EXPLAINED
il v t
a J
Winks Most divorces are caused
Sby a common mistake
Jinks What is it
VWInks Many a man in love only
with a dimple or a curl makes the
mistake of marrying the whole girl
Cincinnati Enquirer
It
Neighborly Comment
Mrs Callers I see Mrs Homer has
ra new fall bonnet
Mrs Neighbors Yes her husband
Ihad a streak of good luck
Mrs Callers How was that
Mrs Neighbors He took out an ac
cident policy for 25 a week recently
sand the very next day he broke his
Heg Chicago Dally News
Doesnt Miss Them
I suppose said the garrulous
umcle now that you have come Into
Sour money you have found that
c5cbes will not buy everything
Yes assented the nephew but
E5iave found that the few things money
TOift buy I can get along without
33troit Free Press
Expansion
Se They say travel broadens a
tjersan
She Surely The moment a man
carters a car he spreads outyover half
sa dozen seats Judge
31
tr
THE SVv LTS OF LOVE
I found her miking toffee
Sio lookeu bo nice and sweet
That on her neck I dabbed a kiss
And beat a swift retreat
But she was quicker still
She swung the pan around
And in a trice that sticky mess
I on my shlrt rront found
I wore a worried look
Jt riled me I confess
I said How am I to get homo
In this adhesive mess
She only laughed and said
It Isnt nice Its true
But then you see It only shows
How sweet I am on you
That evening when Id changed
And we were friends again
She spoke a word which rendered mo
The happiest of men
And then she said to me
cln accents sweet and low
I wont do It agrIn it makes
You so stuck up you know
Deep Enough
You are anaemic says the physi
cian after much thumping and prod
ding You should practice deep
breathing
Deep breathing retorts the pa
tient Why doctor thats just what
I do all the time I work in a sub
cellar 60 feet below the street level
Judge
POSSIBLE CHICKEN PROBLEM
0 Alfred wouldnt it be awful if
they lost their mother and we had to
bring them up on the bottle
Brooklyn Life
Just the Thing
Once on a time In Brazil
Attacked by a violent chill
A big alligator
Climbed on the Equator
And enjoyed a comforting grill
Puck
Appropriate Reply
Mildred Is it true that you have
broken your engagement with young
Smiley
Florence Yes He was under the
influence of liquor when he called the
other evening but he had the audacity
to call me up by telephone the next
morning and try to apologize
Mildred What did you answer
Florence Ring off Chicago Daily
News
For Her
What I want pants the comic
opera star who had acquired a super
abundance of flesh what I want is
a vehicle for the proper display of my
personality I dont want any ordin
ary
No Miss Fatyette interposes the
playwright You dont want any on
dinary vehicle How would an auto
mobile truck do in these days of-auto-drama
The Usual Way
The Tourist Were there not a lot
of people killed in a recent wreck near
the station we just passed
The Conductor Yes forty killed
yesterday But how did jou know
there had been a wreck
The Tourist A natural inference
As we passed I noticed a gang of
workmen installing safety signal de
vices Judge
Careless
What made you lose that battle
asked the Southern American insur
gent
I lost my head confessed the con
trite officer I got so interested try
ing to remember exactly what we
are fighting about that I forgot to
fight Washington Star
Cold Calculator
Do you think the time will come
when there will be no money in poli
tics said one boss
I dont know answered the other
It wont be our fault if it doesnt
We have done the best we could to
take out all there was in ifWash
ington Star
Confused Emotions
How is your boy doing at college
Well answered Farmer Corntos
sel I dont exactly know whether to
compliment him or to make a fuss
He came out first in his class hut he
was last in a foot race Washington
Star
Low Temperature
Do you believe that Barkson really
had the rich Miss Plunkley all hut
persuaded to run away with him
Not I Hes too cold Why I dont
believe his own prejudices would run
away with him Puck
Prepared For That
Teacher Why did Hannibal cross
the Alps
New Pupil Same reason the hen
had for crossln the road You cant
fool me with no conundrums Chi
cago Tribune
Misleading
What a beautiful piece your daugh
ter is playing Its from Wagner is1
it not
Oh no Shes merely polishing the
pJano keys Milwaukee SentinaL
TgpjpjR
RSg
BJPC
THfc STUPIDITY OF MAN
Pa said Mrs Cutesby Im going
to Invite a lot of company in next
Thursday night to celebrate our sil
ver wedding
Silver What are you talkin
about The silver weddins when peo
ple have been married 25 years aint
it
Yes Weve never celebrated any
of the anniversaries of our wedding
and we may as well begin with this
one
But great Scott ma weve been
married thirt
Now never mind that Pa Catesby
we are going to celebrate our silver
wedding anniversary next Thursday
night
But ma we cant You must re
member that weve a daughter whos
nearly thirt
Oh get that thirt off your mind
Mabel will be 24 the 16th of next
month My goodness if you didnt
know how to make money I some
times believe I just couldnt go on liv
ing with you youre such a simpleton
about eevrything else
Whew Well ma go ahead with
your durn foolishness but fergit to re
peat that old gag about us not bein
able to go to the Philadelphia centen
nial because Annie was a baby then
Chicago Record Herald
Red Revenge
So you spurn meh he cried in
wrathful woe But I shall have my
revenge
Ha ha laughs the heartless
maiden
You may laugh now but wait In
the four years I have known you you
have given me six photographs of
yourself Each one of them I shall
have enlarged by the cheap crayon
process and presented to your vari
ous friends and relatives
Leaving the frightened girl in a
swoon the cruel swain departs with
the melodramatic tread of one who
will stop at nothing Judge
Moderation
It was a question of diet
Mr Doddington she asked turn
ing to appeal to the little man who
sat drinking with her husband Dont
you think that a little meat from time
to time is really necessary to every
one
The little man paused In my
opinion Mrs Golightly said he a
little food of any kind now and then
does no particular harm
Cause For Alarm
Maria said Mr Billiams what
ails this roast
Never mind the roast dear said
Mrs Billiams Im more concerned
to know what ails you This is the
first tme for 25 years that you havent
been able to tell exactly what ailed the
roast and everything else on the table
Arent you well to day John Chi
cago Tribune
Interests a Waiter
The pleasures of the intellectual
are all lost on the uneducated re
marked the philosopher at the ban
quet How for instance could that
waiter over there be interested in
evolution
ft
Easiest thing in the world said
his friend facetiously evolution
means change Detroit Free Press
TWO KINDS OF POUNDS
Mr Phat Ive gained four pounds
since I came here
Miss Slim Have you Ive just
money enough to last the week
Scraps
About the Same Thing
Little Elmer who has an inquiring
mind Papa what is meant by honor
among thieves
Professor Broadhead Oh just
about the same as senatorial
courtesy my son Puck
A Wish
Sons of millionaires remind us
We might tackle one perchance
And departing leave behind us
Footprints on the young mans pants
Judge
Skeptical
Man wants little here LjIow
quoted Blank
Ive heard of that man said Tank
cutting him off But did you ever
know anybody that has ever seen
him Detroit Free Press
Both Easy
Miss Youth Its the easiest thing
in the world to flatter a man
Madam Wise Yes and its about
as easy for him to catch on that thats
what youre doing too Detroit Free
Press
His Contribution
Miss Prattles Do you ever do any
thing for other people
Mr Rattles Umhuh I sometimes
shut up and give them a chance to
talk Detroit Free Press
w
Wml WQ Eta EvA
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DANBURY
Mrs Nettie Holbun of Denver
Colo is here visiting her friend
Mrs W A Demay
J B Evers has sold his resi
dence to Samuel Messner Con
sideration 1200
Carl Blind of Iowa a nephew
of Samuel Messner is here visit
ing
Mrs Ed Eno
is under the
doctors care
Mrs W A Demays mother
arrived this week on a visit
Quite a number from town at
tended the sale at S H Stilge
bouers Tuesday
John Leisure is erecting a new
barn 30 by 40
Soren Simonsen is erecting a
new barn 30 by 50
The stock food company is do
ing a good business They have
Howard Ruby out on the road
and expect to put four more men
out on the road
Last week a gasoline stove ex
ploded in the back of E B Stil
gebouers meat market and it
took all the men in town to put
out the fire
J E Noe has purchased Alfred
Palmers house and is having it
moved in town
D C Boyers house is about
completed
We have a medicine show with
us this week
SCHOOL CREEK
Ed Vandervort is slowly im
proving
The Bartley Telephone com
pany is putting in a line through
this neighborhood
J C Sedden is buying barley
from Adam Fritz
George Wall is able to be out
again after being confined to his
room for two months from in
juries received from a fall from a
wagon
The county is putting in a
bridge on the town line east of E
S Dutch er
Charles Sedden is husking corn
for Fred Lakin north of Indian
ola
John Dutcher is hauling lum
ber from Bartley for an addition
16 by 40 to his barn
Ransom Gray is working for
Jack McCume near Danbury
Charles Vandervort and family
visited on the creek the later
part of the week
Mike Fritz and family spent
Sunday with Henry Conrad
The four-year-old son of Jake
Harschs fell on some wire and
severely injured his eye Dr Mc
Kechnie is caring for the injured
member
Charles Broomfield is hauling
corn to C N Smith
Roy Dutcher helped Fred
Bealer drive cattle from Bartley
Thursday
A good crowd attended the
sale at J C Baileys Every-
iWJtRSmmiSliiBMBflMm
Sgawr V
RED WILLOW
Mr Canaga has finish
Sr
H
If you will eat morev
Sf
J
you can do more work enabling you to earn
more money so that you can buy more
Uneeda Biscuit
do more work and earn still more money
Sf
NATIONAL BISCUIT COMPANY
hmiimimgmmmi
ry n iMSi r7F i
WW OMMamSHHDMMaMMtMMBMB hrminMi
W
Kara
barn
Mr Waddell is plastering his
house
Mr Smith has hauled lumber
and will begin building in a few
day
The plasterers have finished at
Ben Kings and Louis Long
neckers
Laura Ruggles helped Mrs
Smith and Mrs Longnecker last
week she is now at Mrs Dutch
ers
Mrs Bose is still at her sisters
Mrs Dutcher
Mrs Bobs is visiting at her
fathers Charles Hotse
R F L No 1
The Lend a Hand club met with
Mr and Mrs I H Wasson last
week and were entertained by
the captain and wife most enjoy
ably Among the pictures ex
hibited by the captain was one of
his great grandmother strewing
flowers before President George
Washington in the streets of
Baltimore
J A Ware of York state a
nephew of Mrs L J Burtless
is here for his health and her
guest
- J B Fiechtner is hauling out
lumber for his new house
Miss Clara Thomas of Ellens
burg Washington is visiting her
aunt Mrs James Lee for a few
months
W N Rogers is having a new
cattle shed built on the ranch
Also T H Brittain
G E Evertson left Tuesday
for St Joseph Mo with a car
load of cattle
CENTERP0INT
Elmer Nelms and Edna Austin
were united in marriage Novem
ber 7th 1906 the ceremony be
ing performed at Quick postofnee
and store Elmer is a member
of the firm of Nelms Bros of
Quick and eldest son of J E
Nelms of McCook Edna is the
daughter of E B Austin late
postmaster at Stevens
Miss Cassie Gordon is success
fully teaching school in the dis
trict 19 Frontier county having
22 pupils in attendance
rj
iscuif
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I
mamgvi
The Weekly Inter Ocean is the only weekly newspaper pub
lished in Chicago in connection with a great daily paper It con
tains a judiciously selected summary of the news of the nation and
world the best stories home farm womans boys and girls and
other special departments and fair patriotic able editorials written
from a Republican viewpoint It is by far the best general news
paper of the Western states The regular price for The Weekly
Inter Ocean is 100 and for The McCook Tribune 100 But
in subscriptions will be received at this office for the two papers
combination for only 105
Breeders Gazette Free
Realizing the fact that the majority of persons making sales are doing
so with the object of bettering their condition and improving the quality of
their breeding stock I will send the Breeders Gazette one year free of charge
to every person for whom I call a sale during the balance of 1906
E J MITCHELL Auctioneer
thing sold well Mr and Mrs
Bailey left Monday for Eureka
Springs Arkansas where they go
for Mr Baileys health
his
Ask any JAP that you may see
Why the Czar with Bear behind
had to climb a tree
The YanksGod bless the Yankssays he
They gave us Eocky Mountain tea
L V McConnell
The Miller Knows
a thing or two about flour So
do you and so do we Its his
business though to mill it
Its our business to deal in it
and your business to use it
Use Best Flour
by buying here Its direct from
the mill fresh absolutely pure
and from high grade selected
wheat For all purposes where
flour is used ours is the best
Price just right
McCook Milling Company
I OJ
VWiWWS
You Can
Reach Up
and pluck the fin
ancial fruit that
accrues to your
credit by banking
here Its done
through
Interest We Pay
the best paid in
banking circles
Its done further
by the solid credit
standing you ac
quire through this
banks connection
lou reach up to
a high standard of
Paying possibili
ties with
an ac
count here See
our cashier and
open it today
First
National
Bank
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