J A 4 MISSED THE PARTY Slim of the Toiigrne The sins of the tongue all point to the necessity and profit of self mastery Ooluts the Lluilt A druuirer named Peck put up at a Why One Girl Had to icccp Secluded botel in Oklahoma the landlord of For Over a Week whlh was the president of the school They were two pretty girls and when hoard The landlord who was a jolly John she said to her husband I am so mortified I dont know what to do What is the matter my dear asked Mr Norton I have just been calling on Mrs Peverill You know her husband Ma jor Peverill Yes Well I have just learned today to There is danger in the tongue that my horror that major isnt his title often brings the deepest sorrow to in- at all Major is his first name nocent ones as well as throws a re- Why certainly Ive always known flection on a pure character If this that What is there so mortifying minister confession of failure and magnifying about it of the office of the tongue seem Nothing said Mrs Norton with a gerated let any one sit down quietly groan only that Ive been calling him and think of the sins and cruelties of major every time Ive met him for human speech The careless words the last six months London An- which no repentance can call back swers again the rash promises which it has cost us so much to fulfill the expres sion of the lower nature which has The Cry of Silk One of the most peculiar features most of the uses of the world which sesses it turn so easily to evil the tongue may As everybody knows the sound is be the instrument of great and lasting heard especially when silk is subjected good to friction What is not so generally known is that the quality is found in A Rejected Novel sjik yarn bef0re it is woven A skein Before he had achieved fame the of silk unless it has been so fronted sis A SERMON TO SUIT The Folks Who Paid For the Dis course Cot What They Wanted will oblige you but my terms must be ing at the old Theater Royal Dublin keep milk where they somewhat heavy I want 4000 Aft His part naturally was a small one they want t rrfirT TvrmirCTC if nroo roirt n ni ln 4- ln - i x Did he attend church asked the minister a bit anxiously I never heard of his doing it said Abner How did he die continued the Just the same as he lived sort of naturally said Abner I dont see how Im to preach much 7 Tm r uiiibe us urst FowIs do not run together in large In telling the story De Montepin with round speech was greeted a of will numuers They always divide into used to add The best of the business applause This unlocked for tribute flocks of small size and will select dif- was that it was the very same story elated the young actor and he exerted ferent feedi ds a which he had previously rejected and himself to sustain the good impression vided they uave the opportunity ntujuu i uau iu tunuus uircuuuiis en- ue uppeuruu iu uave uiaue jusi as ue deavored in vain to dispose of I was leaving the theater one of the A Curious Tree- Cruel Dlow Are you aware of the fact re marked Miss Cutting that I am a mind reader Nevah suspected it weally an swered young Softleigh Would you aw object to weading my mind don cher know Certainly not she replied Bring it with you the next time you call Chicago News He Needed the Money Will you please raise my salary Why I gave you a raise only last jweek because you told me that you had your mother to support I know but my mother got mar ried and now I have two to support Ohio State Journal His Straddle He I see Oldboy is pretty gay yet if he is aging She Oh yes hes got one foot in the grave and the other in society Yon kers Statesman Composite Success Sidney Rodney you live by your wits dont you Rodney 5ell partly and partly by other peoples lack of wits Detroit Free Press scene shifters grinningly accosted him and said Sure its got about among There is a peculiar tree in the forests the bhoys that yere a brother of the of central India which has most man that was hung A Fenian named ous characteristics The leaves of the Barrett had that morning paid the ex tree are of a highly sensitive nature treme penalty of the law and so full of electricity that whoever touches one Of them receives an J An Absurd Custom In Vienna trie shock It has a very singular in Vienna every mans home is his lect upon a magnetic needle and will dungeon from 10 p m to G a m Vienna A growing chicken like a growing animal requires plenty of good whole some food supplied liberally and often 17 1 in mature rapidly and to develop proper iy Tvho had insl left the npichhorlionrl T influence it at a distance of even seven- Is a city of flats and at 10 p m the was willing to lend them a loaf of neMr approacu me tree nor nave j a m To go out o post a letter costs heirnn to think it was neariv rime to sects ever been seen upon it Wanted All Good People Nice Thrjae TTlif omrdairio1 that consolation for etc out of the mouths twopence and the same amount to re- draw the line and to cap the climax turn To prolong a visit to a friend one day they actually asked me to after 10 p m means twopence to get come over and take care of the baby out of his house and twopence more to while they went out to do the shop- tue is uninteresting nave usually benn enter your own A natural result of branded as cynics or worse as people this irritating tax is that or trying to be clever To all such this cities Vienna is earliest to b true story of a little girl may come as Sparing His Feelings Hettie Now that vou have broken Little Alice had been put to bed and r0ur emranement with Fred shall von told to say her prayers O God she return to him the diamond ring he prayed make all the bad people good gaVe you and make all the good people all thej Minna Certainly not Hettie It good people all the good people- would be cruel to give him a thing nice New York Tribune I tt tVOuW be a constant reminder of ping i Uncertain About Her Age A Boston servant like many of her class does not know her age She has lived with one family eleven years and has always been twenty eight But not long ago she read in the newspaper of an old woman who had died at the age of 10G Maybe Im as auld as that niesilf said she Indade I cant re mimber the time when I wasnt alive the happiness he had missed Boston Boston Christian Register Transcript An exchange of Courtesies Somnambulism No suh said Mr Erastus Pinkly Blond persons are more apt to be i I nebber sold my vote to nobody somnambulists than dark folk and in i But that candidate gave you 2 cold climates there is more Yassir I doesnt deny dat He jes bulism than in warm ones In certain come along an gimme dat two an Greenland villages the hut doors are when n wmitun eoines filon an fives forth in their sleep and maybe freeze nuffin Washington Star to death The Canalhoat Where was the crew inquired the judge Badly 3IIxed 3Ietaphor London is laughiug at the following recent brilliant exordium on the part of an English politician We shall never rest until we see the British lion walking hand in hand with the flood gates of democracy St James Ga zette If you hare diamonds be thankful but dont held them up to the eyes of poverty in a street car Schoolmaster What She Says A man cant tell whether a girl The captain was leading the horse means what she says he remarked and his lieutenant was at the rudder I thoughtfully said a lawyer in an English court re- nf course not she renlied If he cently describing an incident in the thinks she does why she just naturally j voyage of a canalhoat The Tramp Heady For Any Job The gay cat applies for a job where he hears men are wanted he knows not for what Can you drive four Many Maine people who live in a asks the bo3s It may be the hobo Abner was requested to ask a certain ther but he would not weakly deny minister to conduct the service and he himself an opportunity to try This is hitched up his old horse and drove to not true of all but it is a distinctive motlostlv mid Iipciiiko if nntnrniiv wen l tcl you what Im goin to i is uouse ine minister saiu ne woum trait born of necessity in men that seek wavy It Is always fluffiest after It has do fer you- Beiu as youre a good attend and theu tried to get a little in- employment in many and various fields been shampooed er l m a goin to nave clean sheets put A day or two before the party I Put on your bed dad me if J aint washed my hair using what I thought was borax in the water When I at- teqr ited to dry my erstwhile bonnie Awkvfnrd Mrs Norton came home from a call formation concerning the late lament ed What sort of a man was he he asked broVn curls they were stringy and one day in such a disturbed condition a man at aI replied Abner frankly - 111 t tt j a i I suppose Ills inca will be i onr uaru anu jookcu as lr tncy uau been l Ws uviuuuc iears were not rar frozen In wisps Then to my horror I in the background She lost no time in discovered that I had used powdered beginning her explanation alum in the water It took me a whole week to get It out of my hair I miss ed the party I had set my heart upon attending and wouldnt let any of my friends see me for I was a perfect fright Duluth News Tribune Leslies Monthly Toad Stoned Most readers have no doubt heard of Well about the same as no sort of tue precious jewels which the toad car ries in his brain box and so called It was thought that the best stones of a sermon under such circumstances been unsatisfactory especially to the sum me imuisitr toads Tlie neighbors all said they didnt think they wanted much of a sermon and so they sent me over to see you said Abner rr il shamed the higher the confessions of about manufactured silk is the rustling minister pocKeieu nis wratn ano j evil and yiolding to falsehood the hot sound familiar to every woman In a m oiiar Dill and after tbe runeral and angry words which sober thought the silk trade they call it the cry or the satisfied Abner said Well we got condemn these are some of the perils sometimes the scroop Of all textiles Just what we auted bgosh Lewis- nf lift tnnmin rn tlm rflin linurl lil n clllr io tlin nnlr mntofinl nnc lOU JOUIUUI POULTRY POINTERS Game chickens have more meat in proportion to their height than any other breed of fowls When the chickens are growing fast French novelist Xavier do Montepin to kill this property in it will when it is a good plan to mix a little bone- uu tuuciuumu u loug aim eiauoraie opened up emit the noise slightly meal in their soft feed tale of adventure took it full of hope When the skein is squeezed in the to a publisher who promptly declined band the sound becomes quite audible it on even the most advantageous I The rpr ic rnnciflnnl n rnru rlnciir 7 WJ XU VA J terms to the writers poignant able quality in silk Dyers try to de- fication Twenty years afterward this identical publisher besought at his hands a sensational story one of those serials which were the delight of gri settes offering any price within rea son velop it as much as possible Unexpected Applause Shortly after Mr Wilson Barrett joined the theatrical profession he be- Well said De Montepin I came a member of a eompany perform- Smearing whole wheat with kerosene or turpentine and feeding it to the chickens is a good remedy for gapes Adding some carbolic acid and put ting on hot will secure much better re sults from the whitewashing of the poultry house While it is at no time advisable to Dressing a Hog THETGOT FREE SEATS An Order That Wan Promptly Hon ored at the Box Ofllce Once when Nat Goodwin wub play- they happened to meet on one of the whole souled fellow suggested that certain part of Cumberland county will doesnt know whether it Is four nails jug lu Chicago two men approached quiec streets or me city tue gin in ww nmi mc i uuuib mu iia smuui 01 - icun muu uuu auhu bu ug wu or lour xenc sumes ue is 10 urive out ui3 manager who was standing in the gray turned and walked In the the board first putting on a long tailed always called in his town Abner was he confidently answers Sure thing i00by 0f the theater and introduced A ah 4- nnxlii i1 II- nP 11 rt itllnivn t wl lv vn n 1TT J 1 1 I f J t4 il a uon tno other one bad taken Now let me know all about the par ty said the one who had turned Ivo been just dying to see you aud have you tell me Oh but I wasut there at alU said her companion This is the first time Ive been out of the house for more than a week wui bujujk mu n ui u tiuuiii unu uc nu xiuu u jou uriving lour iasc moiun themselves as a couple of actors Their She adds dignity an then sio hides commonly selected to take ch rge of at any of the 10000 places he has nmo9 - IM1tiv Iinnnwn n Mm m tf riit iTltfstlt fn i 1iw1 f fnnnrn Ic rmnnncn nn ivno n ft in Im i nnnnntA - -- - -- M -- Why have you been ill her friend or said He was however tar enough from be- Asked if he knew how to make watches inquired surprised and solicitous Peck youre a good feller You ing a good citizen and Abner knew it or dynamite cartridges he would doubt- No I reallv think it was worse than aInt golu to let your light be hid un- as well as anybody else less say he did lie might fall at m11ls was that dared refuse him passes Ill see Mr Goodwin he declared Ill see if a little whlpper snapper like you can refuse me seats You dont know who we are eh Well who are you Lets see your card Ill see Mr Goodwin about it The manager who feared a scene handed over one of his cards and told the men he was responsible and quite willing to take the consequences of re fusing to give them seats A few minutes later the two men rami lmok to the theater One of them loss deeply toadstones which were in realitv the I lmil written Pass two on the man- felt in the community said the min- teeth of fossil fish were formerly worn agers card He presented the card at ser- in fiusrer rincrs as a protection acainst the box office and it was nromntly i ueyre an ueanng up wen unaer poison it saiu Aoner siowiy Was he a Christian asked honored Then they went In When half an hour later the man- minister j iivinc toads but as the latter were not had been clone he was at first inclined If hed been accused of it the addicted to freely giving up their to take some severe action but later Snm Jones to Reporter A prominent Baltimore physician tells in the Baltimore Sun the follow ing anecdote about Sam Jones the Georgia evangelist When several years ago Mr Jones was at Emory Grove camp the news paper reports of his sermons caused It is told of the late P D Armour him to complain that on one occasion he made a present I At the last service lie looked down of a suit of clothes to each of his em 1 at the reporters who sat at a table ployees in a certain department Each just in front of th pulpit and said man was told that he might order his And I want to tell you fellows that own suit and send the bill to Mr i like you a lot in spite of your mani mour no restrictions being made as to fold faults You boys dont treat me price In order to avail himself fully right though You take my sermons of tins liberality one young man or- ani pick out a piece here a piece there dered evening clothes costing S0 and a piece somewhere else Then When the bill was sent in Mr Armour y0u string the pieces together and sent for the clerk to vouch for its ac- naturally they read funny curacy and finding it right assured Now suppose 1 reported the Bible the man it would be paid As the clerk that way A man asks me what the was leaving however Mr Armour said Bible tells him to do I read in one to him place And Judas went out and hanged I wish to say to you that I have himself I turn over and read Go packed a great many hogs in my time thou and do likewise And in another but I never dressed one before New piace I find And do it quickly lorK limes Now von see bovs that sort of Aristocratic Ants Tlie Rl5ivphrlf1inf nnk nio of epvprnl 7 1 kiuus anu uiuer greauy in me manner Misunderstood think Im a nurse Chicago News A ZUenn Reflection locked from without bv a watchman in von S2 fob niinin it aint no mo dan Buggins See here porter Thismir i t i I order that those within not iur lb bU UUblJ l tan t see mser in i may come common reciprocity to vote fob im fob Hotel Porter who has not been tip ped by Buggins Strikes me yo ought to be mighty thankful stfd o makin i fuss about it London Tit Bits Women and Babies Did you ever notice that when a baby an old woman and a young worn- doesnt the moment she finds it out an are toSether the baby which be- and if he thinks she doesnt vhy she does Chicago Post Cruelty Bill I hear a man in town was ar rested today for cruelty to animals Jill Is that so Yes the fellow had a tapeworm and he refused to feed it Yonkers Statesman Light mortals how ye walk your life minuet over bottomless abysses di vided from you by afilm Carl jrle longs to the young woman is always carried by the old woman Atchison Globe Retort Photographic The photographer was drying his plates in the warm sunlight What are you doing there asked a friend Oh was the reply just airing my views Titanium Is the hardest metal It looks like copper but will scratch rock crystal - T vy F thing wont do It aint fair How a Great Sargeon Died While Bichat the famous surgeon In the eh vassals Some of fever he turned was dying typhoid keep food of any kind before the fowls 1B1 tt uuuc xo aQ om colleague who was siuing all the time it Avill be an advantage to Vt ron oil cuuuii ui utwsueia uiueia suaii side nis ueu anu saiu to nun be unable or unwilling to wait upon or very curious During the last few even to feed themselves and are car- days I have noticed some odd ried about and provided with food by toms and I am studying them care- their body servants In many cases fully this sybaritism is the mere ostentatious oii you may recover yet said the love of being served The incapacity is friend Missed the Lobby Barrel Considerable amusement was caused when the legislature first went into session by a member from the counties arriving and promptly asking to be shown the lobby When that place was pointed out to him he nosed around for awhile and then remarked in the hearing of some bystanders Ive been fooled he declared dis gustedly They tole me I could find a barI of money loose in the lobby but I see now thet its a dinged lie Baltimore Herald Before and After Single Man to himself I am sure Hares That Swim I have many times seen hares sever al of them at a time cross a stream to feed on summer evenings and coolly return in the same way back to the Same Man some years later Con- anxiety bi fire the plunge was made sarn it all From morning till night I have also seen snakes swim across and night till morning when Im at streams in the same way apparently home I hear nothing but tales abrat to bask on the sunny side the servants the butcher the butler the baker the candlestick maker and Eiperic ncod all the rest of em New York Weekly Mamma she said what preacher board Will you mind it do you think I ought to have marry And we have one baby said the Goodman is so youn meek man who was applying for married himself he could hardly Chicago Record Herald Showed What She Could Do Phoxy I got a good square meal last night the first in several weeks and I have you to thank for it Friend Me to thank Well thats news to mi- Phoxy Yrs I know I telephoned to my wife yesterday morning that you were coming out to dinner with me Philadelphia Press A Good Talker Clara Is Mrs Flitter a good sationalist Dorothy Yes indeed She makes you think of lots of good things to say but talks so much that you dont get a chance to say them Detroit Free Press Compromise Why should religion and science t DANQER IN POISON IVY llsrsr to Know the Plant Sliupl HemedleM If Affected by It If one knows how the Rhus toxico dendron that is the scientific name for poisonous ivy looks said a mac of the woods he can avoid it with case It is sometimes a low shrub about a foot high aud It is also a u uvu uU wiuiu v -v uiuuuiiuuusiYaMuuuuu au1 tuey uucl nothing to show that graceful vine with stout hairv afore them children I dont approve only man n town who had time hang- the boss is inclined to put them and they were wnat thcy cIaIlllcd to be h V 0lut ur zo Ui invinet of anybody under fourteen carryin a lng on his hands A citizen died a man the next morning finding the four i Accordingly he refused to give them e8 TtebSldoS S who never amounted to much who he is to drive are horses he S 8eat8 but hey persistent One were alike but both Ui iw conwe toot After returning to the hotel from the ras never posiUvely wicked because tially approaches a fellow employee of tue men ln particular was offensive- oval pointed leaves These are alwiv visit of inspection the president of the that would have required more of an with Say Bud show me how to put ly B0 Ue shook his fist under the three In a group and the iIii t alw board now transferred into a land- effort than he was willing to make the harness on the plugs will you I IMM nntl ilnmnmlml who it bears small L white berries that she replied a bushel Peck r You know Im a little nroud of my No 1 aint said Mr Peck rather hair for Its my one redeeming point- dubious as to the compliment greenish Poison oat otherwise Ithus rndlcansi and poison sumac or Unus vlneuta are other plants to be avoided by vis itors to the woods The sumac ha groups of four Iuailcts oval pointed In form arranged on a tapering stem It differs from the real sumac in so far that Its leaflets incline upward lib the autumn the foliage Is a brilllan scarlet The little berries look like grayish white grapes A good antidote for Ivy poisoning la Its first stages is a solution of ordinary baking soda A bottle containing a pint of water and a heaping teaspoon ful of baking soda Is carried by many persons who take walks In the woods for while some people may handle ths poison vines without danger others tlie I tiPpo tlinf vnlnntnrilv Mpnfprl liv tlir nompo nt ritfrm wn fillril in wlinf - i tv i it - uuuu jwvu j v u - - - uiv iiuiauuuu u limy mas wiuiiii iwuivc diet would have been not guilty and ures U1 tbat way it was necessary to he saw the joke op himself the jury wouldnt have left their seats j pr0Cure the coveted articles by other j Let them alone he said If replied Abner cheerfully theyve l muiius anu iiiu rucuguiiu uiuiiiuu was gui iiurvu unuugii iu uu mm iiil j i et of them New York Tribune She Pitied IIIn DIxtreMH An artist who was making a sketch ing tour through a picturesque region to decapitate the hapless batrachian entitled to seats You had better send 0f Connecticut chanced one day on a at the instant he swallows his breath an usher down and ask them if they barn so alluring to his eye that he sat The feat naturally demanded consider- wouldnt like a box Chicago down on a stone wall and went to work able celerity such as could only be ac- une quired by constant practice and it is not reasonable therefore to assume that although the endeavors to gain possession of the jewels were perhaps numerous they must have invariably at once lie soon became conscious that be had two Interested spectators in the persons of the farmer and his wife who had come to the door of the house- to watch him The artist by and by discovered that he had lost or mislaid his rubber eras er and as he wished to correct a slight error In the sketch he went up to the door aud asked the fanners wife If hi might have a small piece of dry brwid This as every artist knows makes a good eraser The fanners wife looked at hini with an expression of pity not unmixed with surprise Dry bread she repeated Well I guess you wont have to put up with any dry bread from me young man You come right into the kitchen with me and Ill give you a thick slice of bread with butter on it Now dont say a word she contin ued raising her hand to ward off his expostulation I dont care how you came to this state nor anything about it All I know is youre hungry and thats enough for me You shall have a good dinner The Neat of the KIiiKflnher Our American belted alcyon or com mon kingfisher is an expert hole bonr There is scarcely a clayey bank alon the streams of our middle and sou s ern states but has its face cut by tL tlieir labors while still otbers nave My friend I am lost but It is some door of one of these gloomy lookKg fallen into such habits of luxury as to consolation to know that my case is houses The hole is usually quite round and goes directly lino the bank with a slight upward slant to a distanc e of from two to four feet where it tuns nearly at right angles to one side or the other ending in a large jugshap not physical but moral and arises That is impossible replied Bichat pocket where the eggs are laid IU from an aristocratic aversion to any and if it were not for one thing I kingfisher is my most cheerful ciiXi order to enable them to and grow L i Una of menial laboi would be quite willing to die panion when I am out for a days or t There Was a Limit I am glad they moved away re marked the good housewife speaking of a family of borrowing neighbors ty feet The electrical strength of the common entrance door of each block is bread occasionally or half a dozen eggs irees varies accoruing 10 uie time or closed and bolted Thereafter persons or the washboard or the lemon day it being strongest at midday and passing in or out must pay a fine of squeezer but when they got down to weakest at midnight In wet weather twopence to the concierge until mid- sending the little girl over to borrow its powers disappear altogether Birds night and fourpence from that hour to pennies to give the organ grinder I What is that asked the friend weeks angling It is an ever fresh de- I am exceedingly sorry answered light to watch him swooping down inu Bichat that I shall not have an op- the clear brook water with a inelodiors portunity to perform an autopsy on plunge and coming forth sparkling bre myself after my death for I know that a flake from a bine sea wave or a fr I would make some wonderful ment of turquoise lie rarely fails to tific discovery An hour later he was dead catch the minnow he strikes at but hue appetite is unremitting and insatin He eats from morning till nigbr Maurice Thompson Two Things That Scare a JTegro Two seemingly harmless things ex cite the fear of the southern woods says a writer in London News One is the cracking of the finger jo The act has been quite voluntary but the other is to be stepped over ax e one thing I have noticed they lies prone upon the ground Tht c i x bly sat up to see if they had time to ing of the finger joints seems to z cross before any surprise came For gest to the negro imagination tin r that darling little angel loves me She instance the movements of a person tling of a skeletons bones while to e takes me into her confidence and tells walking along a footpath in the stepped over is regarded as likly j me all her troubles tance would be watched with some bring bad luck to grown folks anJ ra check the growth of children A h If grown negro boy will sternly - mand a playfellow who has stev over his body to step back In oi r that the spell may be removed j Uncle Sams riecruits The following qualifications are re- Cecil and me I feel as though Mr quired of every soldier selected as i tnd not being cruit He must not be under twen r over twenty five years old he mu j Oh pshaw Have Dr Easleigh strong enough to lift a 100 pind Mind it snapped the thin faced Ive had him for four of mine and he weight with bcth hands to a pomi n landlady Of course not Do you always gave thorough satisfaction level with his chest he must be 4 -- i 8 inches in height and able to ru course of seven miles in an hour ai he must also be of good character Diplomacy William Slimsou Jr Do you belv ie In beiug kind to the sick mamma i Mrs W Slimson Certainly VM and I hope you always will Wbj lo you ask William Because mamma I heard the little boy on the next block had ue measles and Ive been visiting him all the afternoon Harpers Bazar The Poets Explanation What do you mean by embers of the dying year asked the poets wife Why Nov ember and Dec ember of course my dear replied the long haired one with a fiendish grin Chi cago News quarreir Lone Time Between Meals - ny inaeea if youre a stayin fer dinner said wny not say tnat man is descended the authors little boy Im afraid from the monkey Eve made of Adam j youll go hungry We only eat oa and let It go at that Puck I publication Atlanta Constitution