Naat , ConUHne and Curtln.
It Is to be suspected that some of
Tom Nast'a wittiest work with his
marvelous pencil was "printed , not
published" was intended simply to
gratify his friends and never met the
eyes of the general public. Not long
ago , In looking over the album of a
lady who for years was a social leader
at Washington , I came across a con
tribution of Nast's which was as ef
fective in Its way as any of the cartoons
teens which have made his name fa
mous.
He wanted to Impress upon the lady
that Washington life had been too
much for him and did so by drawing
a capital full length picture of himself
as he appeared walkjug along the ave
nue. What gave the picture point and
rendered it irresistible was the fact
that the back of his head was where
his face ought to be in other words ,
Washington had turned his head.
I suppose the politicians still recall
Roscoe Coukling's famous allusion to
the great cartoonist in his Rochester
speech "dedicated" to George William
Curtis. Mr. Curtis at the time was the
editor of Harper's Weekly , a position
which lie had held for many years. In
the course of his philippic Mr. Colliding
took occasion to refer to The Weekly ,
and. although Mr. Curtis sat listening
to him , he described it simply as "the
paper made famous by the pencil of
.Nast. " New York Mail and Express.
TriiKclicN of the Grand Canyon.
Tragic hi ones are told of men who
Tiave lost their lives in the search for
precious metals which may lie hidden
or uncovered , says Harriet Monroe in
The Atlantic. The great primeval
flood cut its broad V through all the
strata of rot-It , with all their veins of
metallic ore. down to the earliest
shapeless mass , leaving in its wake the
terraced temples and towers which
-seem to have been planned by some
-architect of diviuest genius to guard
their Inaccessible treasures till the end
-of time. And the river , rising far to
the north among mountains rich in
mineral , has been washing for ages
the sands away and depositing thus
gold and .silver and lead in the still
crevices of the inaccessible chasm.
Here the earth laughs at her human
'master and bids him find her wealth
if he dare and bear it away if he can.
A young California" , who accepted the
challenge and set forth upon the turgid
water to sift its sands for gold never
emerged with his hapless men to tell
the story of his search. Only near the
brink of the cleft are a few miners
tmrrowing for copper and sending their
ore up to the rim on the backs of hardy
burros , as who should prick the moun
tain with a pin or measure the ocean
with a cup.
Got the Correct Time.
Jake Foster was for many years one
of the characters of Oregon , Mo. He
drove the hack * between Oregon and
Forest City and was known to every
man , woman and child in Holt county.
Oregon is three miles from the railroad
and for many years was not connected
with any other town by either tele
graph or telephone. One morning Rob
ert Montgomery hailed Foster as the
hack started for Forest City and said :
"Jake. I wish you would get the cor
rect time at Forest. My watch stopped
last night. "
"All right. Bob. " said Jake.
When Jake returned from Forest , he
put up his team and walked around to
the bank where Montgomery presided.
Stalking into the bank , Jake stepped
up to the window and laid down a
soiled bit of paper bearing the figures
" 11:17. "
"What is that ? " asked Montgomery
in astonishment.
"That , " replied Jake , "is the correct
time at Forest. " Omaha World-Her-
.ald.
and Long ? Life.
One of the most remarkable cases of
longevity on record was that of an
Englishman , born in 14S3 , whose deli
cate appearance made all the doctors
give him up when he was in the cra
dle. His chest was so narrow , says
-the report , that he seemed to have
difficulty in breathing. Well , this
young moribund , condemned by the
doctors to die in short order , died in
1G51 at the age of 1G9. He saw the
reign of ten kings.
Secundi Hango. consul of Venice at
Smyrna , measured only 57 centimeters
.around the chest , and one of his lungs
was diseased. Nevertheless he lived
-to the age of 115 years. He was mar
ried five times and had 49 children.
When he was 100 years old , he got his
"wisdom teeth. When he was 110 , his
hair turned black again. At 112 his
eyebrows and his beard turned black.
Proved His Theory.
The late Hall McAllister some years
ago entertained a visiting scientist at
the Union club , before its amalgama
tion with the Pacific , and during the
evening , a particularly foggy one ,
made some whimsical remark convey
ing the idea that fog was an excellent
conductor of sound.
The scientist took exception to this
novel theory and asked Mr. McAllister
on what it was based.
"On phenomena which we have all
observed , " returned the ready jurist
"On an evening like this we hear the
fog horn quite distinctly , but when
there Is no fog we cannot hear it at
all. " San Francisco Argonaut.
Slip of the Tongue.
"What do you sell that ribbon for ? "
asked a young lady In a High street
drj1 goods store.
"Eight dollars a week oh , beg par
don , 25 cents a yard , madam. " Colum
bus ( O. ) State Journal.
Bnnppreclatlve.
"Shall I sing 'Because I Love You ? ' "
asked Mrs. Darley as she seated her
self at ibe piano.
"No , " replied Mr. Darley , who is a
brute. "If you love me , don't sing. " }
Detroit Free Press. I
That Impudent Capital "I. "
M. Zola , when in England , was inucli
Impressed with the English use of the
capital "I. " "Why s it , " he says , "that
the Englishman , when he writes of
himself , should invariably use a capi
tal letter ? That tall T which occurs
BO often in a personal narrative strikes
me as being very arrof-mt. A French
man , referring to himself , writes * je'
with a small 'J ; ' a German , though he
may gratify all his substantives with
capital letters , employs a small T in
writing Mch ; ' a Spaniard , when he uses
the personal pronoun at all , bestows
a small 'y' on his * yo , ' while he honors
the person he addresses with a capital
'V. ' I believe indeed , though I am not
sufficiently acquainted with foreign
languages to speak with certainty on
that point , that the Englishman is the
only person In the world who applies
a capital letter to himself. "
M. Zola might have enforced ills con
trasts still further by referring to the
Japanese , who really have no word for
"I. " In speaking of oneself in Japa
nese self depreciatory terms are used ,
such as "servant. " "the awkward per
son. " "junior. " while in speaking of or
to other people complimentary terms
are employed , such as "senior. " "mas
ter , " "prince" ( used by young men In
addressing each other familiarly ) . The
most usual Japanese equivalent for
"I" is "watakushi. " which means liter
ally "selfishness. " Buffalo Commer
cial.
New York's Tenement HOIIHCB.
One of the indications of the im
provement of the masses in this city is
the gradual abolishment of the tene
ment , as the word is generally under
stood. The big rookeries , with their
small rooms , airless halls and rusty
fire escapes , are going out of existence
in the ordinary course of events , by
fire , tumbling down and being remov
ed to make room for modern struc
tures , and the people who live in them
are seeking more airy homes in the
suburbs or in the flats up town.
While the foreign element continues
to live in tenements for the first year
after reaching New York the children
of foreign parentage are not willing to
exist in the noisome quarters of the
east and west sides. They crave more
light , more air and cleanliness , and in
many cases they get it. Rapid transit
makes Harlem as accessible as Grand
street , and there is no occasion to live
in a down town tenement unless one
likes it.
No new tenement houses are build
ing. The flathouse has taken its place ,
and in the course of time the foul bar
racks in which scores of families are
crowded will be a thing of the past and j
only remembered as part of a distempered - j
pered dream. New York Letter in i
Pittsburg Dispatch. I
Africans and the Locomotive.
The children of the desert were filled
with awe when first the silence of the
primeval solitude was broken by the [
puffing qf the steam engine. Down at
the other end of the Cape to Cairo line
the simple Matabele , when first con
fronted by a locomotive , were certain
that the strange machine was worked
by the labor of an indefinite number of
oxen , which they assumed were shut j
up inside ; hence , when the engine stopped - !
ped , they gathered in curious crowds , I
waiting to see the door open and the
oxen come out. nor could they for many
days be persuaded that the power of
the locomotive could come from other !
than the strength of the ox. j
The Arabs of the Sudan , more imag-1
inative than the Matabele , saw in the I
fire horses of the railway one of the' '
Djinns of the "Arabian Nights , " har
nessed by the magic of the infidel to
the long train of cars. The steam engine - j
gine was to them a living , sentient
being. Of which belief there is curi
ous evidence in the fact that on one
occasion a sheik made an impassioned
remonstrance against the cruelty of
making so small an engine draw so
huge a train. Windsor Magazine.
The Bearded Baby.
A young married couple in Belfast ,
Me. , received a startling shock. They
carried their baby to a photographer
for a picture. In due time the proof
came around , but the parents at first
failed to recognize it. The baby's fea
tures were there all right , and so were
the pretty dress and all the other ac
cessories , but the child had apparently
grown a full beard while before the
camera. The artist had used by mis
take a plate on which an imperfect
picture of an old man had been taken ,
and the two exposures coincided so
well that he saved the plate as a curi
osity.
Pernvlnn Army Discipline.
This military story is printed in a
Lima paper : A man belonging to the
Peruvian artillery was ordered to be
flogged , and there was no regulation
cat handy Avith which to inflict the cas-
tigation. The officer in charge , who
was a severe disciplinarian , decided to
defer the carrying out of the order un
til the official scourge , which he at
once requisitioned , should arrive. It
was about a year before the cat was
supplied by the authorities. By that
time the soldier had been dead several
months !
The Salmon.
When a young salmon is first hatch
ed , it is known as a parr. Just before
It leaves the fresh for the salt water
it is called a smolt. When it first re
turns to spawn , it becomes a grilse ,
and not until it has spawned is it en
titled to be dignified by the name of
salmon.
Expected Redaction.
Gran'pa Macpherson How many
does two and two make , Donald ?
Donald Six.
Gran'pa What are you talking
about ? Two aud two make four.
Donald Yes ; I know ; but 1 thought
you'd "beat me down" a bit ! London
Punch.
\Vhy Franlcllii Did Not Write It.
MIt has always been a curious puzzle
why Franklin , the man of ripe age , of
commanding distinction and of approv
ed literary skill , was not selected to
writ ! the Declaration instead of Thom
as Jefferson , then only 33 years old and
comparatively unknown , " says John
Gilmer Speed In The Saturday Even
ing Post. "It could not be that Frank
lin was passed by because he had done
everything In his power to avert the
war and reconcile the differences be
tween the colonies and the mother
country , for all wise men in the colonies
nies did all that honor permitted in
that direction until the die was cast.
No ; it was not a fear of Franklin's ear
nestness in the cause of the colonies.
It was prolably the fear of Franklin's
humor.
"He was not only the greatest man
of his time , but he was one of the
greatest humorists of any time. And
so his associates were possibly afraid
that he would put a joke in the Decla
ration and passed him by and selected
the lank young Virginian with the frec
kled face.
"As it was. Franklin did have his
joke , for when the members of con
gress were about to sign the Declara
tion Hancock , whose earnestness is ex
pressed in the bold signature which
comes first , said in his own earnest
way : 'We must be unanimous. There
must be no pulling different ways. We
must all hang together. '
" 'Yes , ' replied Franklin ; 'we must
hang together , or we shall be pretty
sure to hang" separately. ' "
A Divinity Student Routed.
"One day we were traveling across
the plains in the caboose of a freight
train , " writes Rev. Cyrus Townsend
Brady of his experiences as "A Mis
sionary In the Great West" in The La
dies' Home Journal. "A young divinity
student was with us. He was on'e of
the ambitious kind of divinity students
who wreck a parish or two when they
begin and finally drift upon the eccle
siastical bargain counter. He was
ready to argue about anything with
anybody.
"A greasy , dilapidated looking tramp
came into the caboose at one of the
stations at the end of a division and
presently engaged in a heated discus
sion with the young theologue on the
disadvantages of education. He main
tained the affirmative that the less i
man knew and the loss education he
had the happier lie was with so much
skill and adroitness and showed such
mastery of logic and literature that he
routed the poor boy horse , foot and
dragoons so effectively that the young
man rose and went out on the platform
to hide his chagrin , leaving the sup
posed tramp chuckling over his pipe in
huge enjoyment at his easy A'ictory.
"The bishop had listened without say
ing a word , and when the student left
he turned to the man and inquired
sharply , 'What college do you come
from , sir ? ' 'Yale ! ' answered the man
without thinking. The unlucky admis
sion destroyed the man's argument , for
he was a living example of the fallacy
of his own proposition. "
Europe's City of Crime.
The Italian city of Artena , situated
about 40 miles from Rome , is known as
the City of Crime. Ever since the six
teenth century every criminal who has
escaped from prison or done his time
has emigraied to Artena , and today
practically every inhabitant is a crimi
nal or the child of criminals. Every
family takes the law into its own
hands , and it is reported not a day
passes without many murders being
committed in the streets. The Italian
authorities have now come to look up
on Artena as hopeless and remark that
it is far better that criminals should
kill criminals than that innocent per
sons should be their victims. It is said
that on one occasion when 23 murders
had been committed in that city in one
day the fact was reported in one of the
Italian papers in the following terms :
"Since our last issue (24 ( hours before )
there have been 23 sudden deaths in
Artena , " and no further notice of the
murders was taken or expected.
Ruskin Didn't Like HIIRO.
Did you ever read "The Hunchback
of Notre Dame ? " I believe it to be
simply the most disgusting book ever
written by man , and on the whole to
have caused more brutality and evil
than any other French writing with
which I am acquainted. Balzac is sen
sual , but he is an artist of the highest
touch and a philosopher even in his
sensuality. Eugene Sue paints virtue
as well as vice. Dumas is absurd and
useless , but interesting ; Beranger blas
phemous , but witty ; George Sand im
moral , but elegant. But for pure , dull ,
virtueless. stupid , deadly poison read
Victor Hugo. Ruskin.
Knew tVhat She "Was About.
Mother Miss Catchem has a lovely
voice , and you know it. Why did you
ask her to sing for Mr. Richfello ?
Daughter ( after Mr. Richfello ) See
that mirror in front of the piano ?
"Yes. "
"Well , Mr. Richfello sits right in
range where he can see her face. She
looks like a whitewashed chimpanzee
when she sings. " Pearson's Weekly.
He Had Her.
It is related that when the young
man who afterward became General
Fremont ran away with and married
Jessie , Tom Benton , the great senator ,
made terrible threats of what he would
do to the young man. He would give
him roasts and bullets and hades , to all
of which Mrs. Benton quietly remark
ed , "You had better give him Jessie ,
my dear. "
"Walklnj ; on the "Walls.
It is unlawful for a Chinese woman
to walk on the city walls of Peking ,
but it Is an exercise in which the
Americans and Europeans indulge
without objection upon days when
they1 are open to the.public.
What Tlpn Do.
A man who lives on an up town
street where the houses cost from $25-
000 up was surprised not long ago by
seeing a man known to all New York
ers who patronize a well known res
taurant coming from a house several
doors below him with an air of proprie
torship. This restaurant employee
stood on the sidewalk for a few mo
ments and gazed admiringly at his
house and then at Its respectable
neighbors. For many years he has
been connected with a certain New
York restaurant as an attendant , and
his fees have been generous. He knew
all its patrons by name , and his polite
ness and eagerness to render service
have made him well liked. Wondering
if this restaurant attendant , whom he
knew only by his first name , could by
any possibility have rented a house on
that street , the old resident came out to
satisfy his curiosity.
"Hello , " he said. "What are you do
ing up here ? "
"Good morning , Mr. Blank , " said the
restaurant attendant. "How do you
like my new house ? I have just
bought It because I think that my fam
ily will like this neighborhood. You
are perhaps aware that my tips have
been generous for many years , and I
can now afford to live in this house
very easily. "
His questioner had no objection to
him as a neighbor , and he congratulat
ed the restaurant attendant on his
prosperity. The house had actually
been bought by tips , for its owner's
salary probably averaged about $15 a
week. New York Sun.
New Old Jokes.
"Is there any new joke under the
sun ? " asks George Augustus Sala , an
English journalist and special corre
spondent.
"I doubt there being one very grave
ly , " he answers and tells two anec
dotes to support this skepticism.
An intelligent Greek who acted as
Mr. Sala's guide while visiting Athens
related to him as a modern Greek Joe
Millerism the story of a lawsuit. A
deaf plaintiff sued a deafer defendant
before the deafest judge in all Greece.
The plaintitf claimed so many hundred
drachmas for rent that was due. The
defendant pleaded that he never
ground his corn at night. The judge in
giving judgment observed : "Well , she's
your mother , after all. You must keep
her between you. "
"When I got home I fou d , " writes
Mr. Sala , "this apparently up to date
triad of ludicrous non sequiturs in a
collection of ancient Greek epigrams. "
There used to be told a story of Sher
idan Knowles , the dramatist , who was
a first rate hand at Irish bulls , meeting
one of twin brothers and asking him ,
"Which of ye is the other ? "
Mr. Sala compares this with the sto
ry of that very ancient jester , Ilier-
ocles :
"Of twins , one died. Skolastikos ,
meeting the survivor , asked him , 'Was
it you who died or your brother ? ' "
Youth's Companion.
A Practical Joke.
He was a wag and was passing a
large draper's shop in Manchester.
There , drawn up. were three or four
vehicles , and among them was a closed
brougham with the driver fast asleep
on the box. Evidently the mistress
was inside the shop. Without a word
the wag stole quickly up and. opening
the carriage door , carefully slammed it
to. In an instant the coachman
straightened himself up and gazed up
the street as if he had never seen any
thing more interesting to look at in his
life. Then lie stole a look over his
shoulder and saw the wag standing ,
hat in hand , apparently conversing
with some one inside the carriage.
"Thank you , yes. Good morning , "
said the practical joker and bowed
himself gracefully away from the door ,
turning as he did so to look at the
coachman and say , "Home ! "
"Yes , sir ! Teh ! Get up ! " and away
went the brougham "home. "
Where that "home" was , who the
mistress of the carriage was or what
she did or said when she came out of
the shop or what the coachman did or
said when he stopped at the door of
"home" and found the carriage empty
all that only the coachman and the
lady know. London Tit-Bits.
A Clever Blind Man.
The New Orleans Times-Democrat
tells of a blind man in a southern city
who goes to the postoffice every day
carrying a small , light riding whip ,
which he holds slightly inclined to the
front , with the tip just touching the
pavement. His sense of touch has be
come so delicate that the whip is al
most an artificial eye. When the point
encounters anything , he makes a few
swift passes over the surface and gen
erally determines the exact character
of the obstacle. It is done so quickly
and deftly as to attract no attention ,
and few passers have the least suspi
cion of the old man's infirmity. When
he reaches the postoffice , he turns un
hesitatingly , mounts the middle stairs ,
walks over to the lock boxes and with
out any feeling around thrusts a key
into the right aperture.
Anxious Only About One Thins.
The ghastly rider on the white horse
stopped at the gate.
"I am Death. " he said to the sick
man who was watching from the win
dow , j
"You are welcome , " replied the latter '
and added in a whisper : "If you value
your life , don't let my wife see you
tying your horse to that tree. She'd
never let anybody do that. " Philadel
phia Press.
Our learning is so long In getting and
so very imperfect that the greatest
clerk knows not the thousandth part of
what he is ignorant. Jeremy Taylor.
Australia , It Is estimated , is capable
of supporting at least 100,000,000 in
habitants.
A. Clmriiivid Life.
The scenery along the Kentucky riv
er above and below Harrodsburg has
been Justly compared to the highlands
of the Hudson. Towering cliffs hun
dreds of feet in height Impress the be
holder. In "Historical Sketches of
Kentucky" an Incident is told of o ne of
the highest of these.
Jotham Strout was hoeing com In the
bottom Just opposite the ferry , when
his attention was attracted by a rat
tling noise above his head. Looking
up , he was staggered at seeing a man
tumbling down the fearful precipice ,
now touching and grasping at a twig ,
now at a root , without being able to
check himself. Finally , with a crashIng -
Ing of limbs , he landed In the top of a
buckeye tree about 50 feet above the
general level of the bottom.
Mr. Strout ran to the place with all
haste , dreading to find a dead man and
not doubting lie would be terribly in
jured If alive , for the distance the man
had fallen was 170 feet , and from the
last point where he had touched the
rock to the top of the tree where he
lodged was 45 feet.
Fancy Mr. Strout's surprise , then , to
find the man standing erect at the foot
of the tree , feeling of his arms and
body.
"Are you hurt ? " cried Mr. Strout.
"That's what I'm trying to find out ,
my friend , " was the answer. "It's my
Impression that I am alive , but rather
sore. "
Not a bone was broken , and despite
a few bruises the man seemed to be as
sound as before the terrible fall.
"That fellow bore a charmed life , "
was Mr. Strout's remark whenever he
told the story.
and the Poor Student.
Of Leighton's hearty , eager helpful
ness many instances might be given.
Here is one. After a certain prize day
at the academy a student was passing
through the first room on his way to
the entrance. He looked the picture of
dejection and disappointed wretched
ness poorly and shabbily dressed and
slinking away as if lie wished to pass
out of the place unnoticed. Millais and
Lcighton , walking arm in arm , came
along , pictures of prosperity.
Leighton caught sight of the poor ,
downcast student. Leaving Millais , he
darted across the vestibule to him and ,
taking the student's arm , drew him
back into the first room and made him
sit down on the ottoman beside him.
Putting his arm on the top of the otto
man and resting his head on his hand ,
Leighton began to talk as he alone
could talk , pouring forth volumes of
earnest , rapid utterances , as if every
thing in the world depended on his
words conveying what he wanted them
to convey. He went on and on. The
shabby figure gradually seemed to pull
itself together , and at last when they
both rose he seemed to have become
another creature. Leighton shook
hands with him , and the youth went
on his way rejoicing.
It is certain that if other help than
advice were needed it was given. But
it was the extraordinary zest and vital-
it } * which Lcighton put into his help
which made it unlike any other. He
fought every one's cause as others
fight their own. London Telegraph.
Oxford's Witty Bishop.
Two stories are attributed in The
Raihvay Magazine to the witty bishop
of Oxford. lie was once talking to
some boys in a school and said to them :
"Now , my boys , I dare say you think
it's a very fine thing to be a bishop.
But I assure you I'm a very busy man.
I have to go about all over my diocese ,
and I haven't time to study like you
have. In f , ct , nearly all my study haste
to be confined to only one book. It be
gins with a 'B. ' Do you know what it
is ? " "The Bible , sir ; the Bible. " shout
ed the boys all together. "No , " replied
the bishop , with a merry twinkle in his
eye. "It's called 'Bradshaw ! ' "
The othei story is still better. On
one occasion when he alighted from
the train at Wheatley , the station for
Cuddesden palace , an officious porter
rushed up to him and asked , "Any arti
cles in the van , my lord ? " "Articles , "
said the bishop grimly. "Yes , 39 arti
cles. " Off hurried the porter and wor
ried the guard almost out of his senses
by the way he searched the van and
detained the train. Presently he came
back to the bishop with a crestfallen
expression of countenance. "There are
only seven , my lord. " "Only seven ?
Ah , you're a Dissenter then , I should
think. "
Lacking ? In Romance.
"Swigsby hasn't a particle of ro
mance about him. "
"I never thought he had. Any new
proof of it ? "
"Yes. He was calling on Daisy
Swinnertou. You know Daisy. Little
thing , but full of poetry. Swigsby said
he wondered where they met the first
time , and Daisy in her poetical way
said she guessed it was in the gleam
ing. Swigsby looked puzzled , and then
what do you suppose he said ? "
"Give it up. "
"Said he guessed she was mistaken ,
because he couldn't recall any apart
ment house by that name. " Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Assisting His Memory.
Bobby was spending the afternoon at
liis aunt's and for some moments had
been gazing out of the window in a
painfully thoughtful sort of way.
"What makes you so serious , Bob
by ? " asked his aunt.
"Why , ma told me that I must re
member not to ask for anything to eat ,
and I am trying to remember it. "
rjnion Signal.
The Umbrella.
Jack I made two calls this after
noon , and I must have left my um-
jrella at the last place I called.
Tom How do you know but that you
left It at the first place ?
Jack Because there's where I got It.
-Chicago News.
Y
Harder to Say No Than
worthy young man ,
lie was a most
sociological
for discussing
with a fondness
logical mid moral questions , and once
started on his hobby he could scarcely
. He
direction.
be headed In any other i - , .
had been quite devoted In his attention
to one young woman for as much as < f
to
unable
had been
six months , but she
bring him to his senses , though she i
was willing to confess that filie had
tried repeatedly to do so. Of course
she had done It in the delicate ways
women hasa. In those matters , but
what he nee'ded was a club.
Not a great while ago he was calling
as usual , and as usual he was neglect
ing sentiment for something that only
made a girl tired. This time he was
moralizing on the temptations of life
and the pmneness of people to yield
without making the proper effort
against than in whatever form they
might appear.
"However , " l e said In conclusion ,
displaying a commendable spirit of
charity for the weak , "it is a very diffi
cult thing for any one to say 'No. ' "
Here was an unexpected chance for
her.
her."And conversely , " she responded
slowly so he could get the full force of
it , "it should be very easy for one to
' ' "
say 'Yes.
He looked her straight in the eyes at
last , and a hush fell upon the scene.
"Um-er-um. " he hesitated , "Miss
Kate , am I a chump ? "
"It is very ditlicult for one to say
No , ' " she said with a pretty little
smile , and later she found it quite easy
to say "Yes. " Washington Star.
Ills Genial Heccptioii.
General Starr , a gallant old soldier ,
had an irrepressible dislike for young
lieutenants fresh from West Point. In
1S74 General Starr was in command at
Fort Riley , and one day an orderly
came to his quarters with the message
that Lieutenant Morrison , just from
West Point , was at the post ready to
pay his respects and report for duty.
In response to this message the old
general was starting for his office ,
when his wife , a motherly old soul ,
plucked him by the sleeve and said.
"Now , general , promise me that you
won't be rough with that young man. "
"Rough ? " said the old man , smiling
amiably upon his matrimonial com
panion. "AVliy. I'll be peaches and
cream unless the young dog riles me. "
Reaching his office , the general was
confronted with a dapper little fellow
as spick and span as though he had
just come from the hands of his barber
and tailor , while he had the half super
cilious air that seems inseparable from
the first statics of military education.
Looking the young lieutenant over
for half a moment , the old general said
with great dignity : "How do you do.
Mr. Morrison. I am pleased to see
you. " Then as a flush gradually mount
ed over his weather beaten features he
added : "I am always glad to see you
young men from the Military academy.
You you ( here the general ended with
a roar ) you think yourself so hanged
smart ! " Kansas City Journal.
Tired Metals.
It Is a fact of comparatively recent
discovery in chemical metallurgy that
metals lose their vitality from repeti
tions of shocks and strains and may be
said , as the expression is , to suffer
from fatigue that is , they may be
worked till their molecules fail to hold
together.
As is familiarly known , bars of tin ,
rods of brass and wires of any metal
will separate owing to fatigue if bent
backward and forward continuously.
But by careful experiments , however ,
the fact is made to appear that a rem
edy exists for this condition of metals
if the overstrain does not border on
rupture , and this remedy is very much
like that which is applied in the case
of an overworked human frame-
namely , rest.
Feather edged tools recover their vi
tality better than any other. Of course
the length of time required for this rest
varies with different metals and the
amount of strain to which they have
been subjected.
Hard metals , such as iron and steel ,
use up one and two years' time in the
process. On the other hand , soft met
als , like lead , retain their cohesive
force longer and also require less rest.
Pearson's Weekly.
"Why John Laughed.
"I don't know what is coming to us , "
sighed Mrs. Jones as she handed the
paper over to her husband. "I'm sure
things are bad enough already. "
"Why , what's the matter now , my
dear ? " murmured John , with a mouth
ful of muffin.
"Matter , ipdeed , " snorted Mrs. Jones.
"Just like you men. Haven't the poor
rate , water and other rates all been in
creased , and now the papers say the
bjrth rate is going up. They ought to
Now , John , what are you laughing at ? "
London Standard.
It May Be Push or It May Be Pull.
Politician My boy , the door to every
successful business is labeled "Push "
Thoughtful Youth Isn't your busi
ness a successful one , sir ?
Politician-Well , yes ; I flatter myself
that it is very successful. Why do you
ask that ?
Thoughtful Youth Because , sir , I
see your door is labeled "Pull. " De
troit Free Press.
Dress.
Some women in this world have a
new gown every other week , while
there are other women who esteem
themselves lucky if once In three
months they get a chance to look
through a fashion magazine.-Somer-
ville ( Mass. ) Journal.
The United States
never coined gold
pieces of a higher denomination than
JO. Some years ago a Jeweler at San
Francisco struck gold pieces of the
value of $50 , but that was on private'
account.