POE'i UY WITH A POINT. You can It-nil u ) ior. c ( ovat r , Hut you can not make liini drink ; Yon can HUIII ! a Jbol to collude , lint can not make him think ; You may keep your daughter strumming Krom "morn till afternoon , J5nt y ) ii can't make her a player II she hasn't any tune. You can never make a farmer Of a hey lhat love * the s-en , Though you may make him plowand plan And whoa , and haw , and n < ; e. It'no use to swear and bluster liccnusu your only son Prefers the gal lie metin the carTe To your .selected one ; You might , as well switch oflTtho tracic , For love is lord of pelf , And , beside , it's more than likely That you know how 'tis yourself. You can not make a citizen , Let Jilm be black or white , Of the man \vho doesn't know encugl. ' To cipher , read , and write. You can not change the rooster's strut , Nor make the layers crow , Though you may honestly believe It would be better fco. You can not make a person 01 the .stnge-htruck Komeo lad ; And if vou ever do succeed You'll wish you never had. .There is only one thing meaner , And that's to have to see The name of your neighbor's numbskull Finished with an M. D. But all these things , and more , beside , We may expect to hear , Until the numbskull kills u , And the Komeo says the prayer. Boston Uazctte. THE LINEN CLOSET. 'But surely there are more rooms ? " The young widow who had come down to Garland to hire a little house for the summer had followed the agent into the two-story cottage , and was staring about her. "Only four rooms ? " she said. "Surely there were ten originally , ' " . "There ma'am , the agent replied. were ten , "but the rest are boarded up. This is simply the wing , but you have a parlor , a dining-room and two bed rooms besides the little outside kitchen , which is a building by itself and the rent is actually nominal. " "But 1 he folly of boarding up six good rooms , " said the lady. "The parlor with the wainscot and the black marble mantel-piece. " "You know , the house ? " cried the agent. "Oh , in houses of this sort you al ways lind a black marble mantel and u wainscot , " said the lady. "And on the other side of the hall the sitting- room and spare bedroom , and three bedrooms up-stairs , and the linen closet and bathroom the long , dark linen closet. " "The ghost always comes out of that , " said the aqent. "Oh , ho ! " criedlbhe lady. "The cat is out of the bag , The house is haunt ed ? " "Yes , ma'am , " replied the agent. "It has that reputation among ignor ant people. But since the main build ing has been boarded in , the figure has never been seen by any one/ " "The figure ? " asked the lady. "All in white like an ironing-board ? " "All in white , but like a pretty girl of sixteen , " replied the agent. "I re member the murder myself. My fath er was in the real-estate business where I am now. I was a school boy. I remember how the news ran through the village that Martha Penny had been killed by wild Jack Parker , and how I rushed with the crowd to see her. "Yes , ma'am , I saw her lying in her blood across the threshold of the linen closet. " The lady shuddered and sat down in the large , chintz-covered armchair of the room they had entered. "You can go and play in the gar den , " she said to the little boy whom she led by the hand. "Don't go out of sight. Now tell me the storv , Mr. JBrick ? " "Very sensible to send the child Avay , " the agent said. "Well , the iucts were these : Martha Penny lived -as seamstress with Mrs. Parker. They iniade her one of the family. Jack fell in love with her. The story goes that she refused him , and that he said that she should never marry any other man. Then she declared that she meant to go away , and she was getting ready tolgo when she saw him \with blazing eyes coming down the jpassage , and ran into the linen closet. .A black servant watched it all. As lie passed the door he shot her. They arrested him and took him oil to prison. But while the body was wait- 3ng for the Coroner it disappeared , no one ever knew how. Mrs. Parker had taken to her bed. Black Ann had been afraid to sit in the room with the murdered girl. In the night Martha Penny's corpse vanished. "The jury made up their minds that Jack was crazy , and he was locked up awhile , though he swore that the pistol went oil by accident. When he was let out again his mother was < lead. He is quite a rich man , but he never could bear to live on his prop erty. He has a room at the hotel and has let all the land. At first he let the house also , but the tenants were all scared away by the ghost , they said , so five years ago he boarded up the main building and only let the wing. Every summer people hire it. It is prettily furnished , you see , with new things. They do say that they hear noises in the big building , but probably rats make them. And , Mrs. Smith , you don't look like a lady that who would be afraid of" "Martha Penny's ghost ? " interrupted - ed the lady. "Indeed I am not. Poor little Martha would do no one any harm. I should be much more afraid of wild Jack Parker , though he is alive. " "He's an altered man. ma'am. " said the agent ; "quite broken , though he is rather young in year.- * . ' ' "I'll take the house , Mr. Brick , * ' said the widow , rising and beckoning throtmh the open window to her little " ifeqv. "And my servant and I and little Tom will move in on Monday. " 'The } * did so , and soon flowers bloomed in the garden and at the window , and the pretty child swung under the elm trees or tossed his ball , oii the lawn. The mothev , reclining in her Mexican hummock , read or cro cheted , or walked with her boy when the day grew cool. The maid was pretty and alert. No home in the country seemed less likely to attract ghosts to itself , and Mrs. Smith , when questioned , always said that she had never caught a glimpse of Martha Penny's specter. But though Mrs. Smith told the truth , she did not tell the whole truth. Sometimes at night yes mid night when little Tom and the maid were sound asleep , the lady wrapped in a double gown and with woolen slippers on her feet , would glide out into the hall , and there , with her ear to the light partition that divided the wing from the main building , would listen to feet that went to and fro , to wails and moans , to what seemed to be a prayer , and to many repetitions of the name , "Martha Penny Martha Penny , " but oftenest "Martha" alone. She never spoke of this to any one , and it was plain that she felt no terror , but sometimes she wept bitter ly , as if she was very sorry for the poor , wandering ghost. This went on for months , until one night Mrs. Smith did a strange thing , She arose in the middle of the night and let down the great coil of her brown hair , and braided it in one braid and tied it with white ribbon. She dressed herself all in white and over her head threw a square of tulle. Then she left her house , taking a lan tern with her , and stole toward a side door of the main building and tried a key in the lock and entered in. The place was dry with dust , and dust rolled beneath her feet as she climbed the stairs , andspiders crawled along the balustrades and up the walls. She passed the big chamber and the little chamber , and stopped at the linen closet. Opening the door , she saw piles of clothes and sheets and towels , and pillow cases , once white , but now powdered gray as though a snow of that hue had fallen on them. She lowered her lantern and beheld across the sill a stain of blood , and within , on the floor , a deeper one ; but she did not shudder. Indeed , a smile crossed her face a pitiful , tender smile. "Poor little Martha Penny ! " she said , and , without a quiver or a cry , she entered in and shut the door be hind her. A small , round window , high up in the wall , let in a little gleam of moonlight , a broken pane admitted a breath of air ; but amid the woolen blankets at the further end moths burrowed. She could see their tracks , and a curious smell that lingers in moth- eaten wool made the air heavy. Al ready her lantern's light attracted in sects that came through the broken pane above to flutter about it. She closed the slide , and now looked like a very ghost itself all white in the faint moonlight , She listened intently. Soon she heard the sound of a door closed care fully , feet upon the stairs , feet in the passage without the door. Some one began to pace slowly up and down. "Martha ! " said a voice ; "Martha ! " Then there was silence. Then again. "Martha ! Martha ! " Ity.is a man's voice which spoke. Now it went on : "They say your ghost haunts this house. I have come here so often and heard nothing , seen nothing , Martha , give me some sign that you hear me. " The widow lifted her hand and tap ped lightly on the door. There was a little cry without , then "Martha" came again , and now the widow spoke : "You call Martha. Sheishere. For once , and once only , she is permitted to listen to you. Who are you ? " "The man Avho loved vou Jack Barker , replied the voice , see you Martha angel Martha may I see you ? "If you swear hot to move not to try to touch me , " said the widow. "I swear , " replied Jack , in a chok ing voice. The door of the linen closet moved slowly. The man on his knees in the passage without saw a white draped figure with long braids of hair hanging below its waist. "My God ! " he panted. "Do I see you again , Martha ! " "I am Martha Penny , " replied the widow , in a soft whisper. "Why have you called me ? " "To ask your forgiveness , " the man replie.L "Without it I am lost in this world and the next. Speak to me , sweet angel ; tell me that you know that I did not kill you with intent to do so. Let the world think what it will. Tell me you know it was not so that you knew it even when you fell there. where you stand now tell me so and save my soul ! " " " faint voice whispered "When I fell , the pered , "when the blood gushed from the wound y i gave me I believed that you had'bnot me purposely. In this belief I lost my consciousness. Yes , when I seemed to die I thought you had killed me. " "But now ? " said Jack. "Oh , unhappy man , ' ' replied the spirit , "night after night I have heard your moans ; night after night I have heard you swear by all that is holy to vour innocence. I do not doubt you now. Be at peace. We shall meet again , and I forgive you. " "With a cry the man flung himself upon the floor , and great sobs burst from his bosom. "At last ! " he gasped , "at last. Oh , dear angel , at last. Oh , God be prais ed ! " The white figure came nearer to the fallen man ; it bent over him. "Jack , " it said in more earthly tones , "I am so glad that you did not mean to kill inc. Poor boy. you were always handling that revolver reck lessly , but you know you threatened me. I loved you , Jack , but I could not marry you your mother was so ' proud , and'yet slu had been so good to me , a poor little orphan. So I swore to myself that I would go away , and never see you again unless she called mo back. That fs why I refused you , Jack , that is why. " Thrilling and chilling , Jack lifted himself on his eibow and stared into the veiled face. "Certainly I am really mad at last , " he said. But the voice , now even more dis tinct and full of earthly tenderness , went on : "No , Jack , no , you are quite sane , quite sane. Kemenrber how the body ot poor Martha Penny was spirited away. Have you never thought that perhaps she was not dead , though that stupid old doctor , in his dotage , declared her so ? Jack , poor Jack.she was alive. But when she came to her self the horror she felt that you should murder her was very great. And yet she did not wish to give any evidence that would send you to prison. She resolved to fly. The old negress help ed her away , and lied to cover the act. Jack , I am no ghost , I am alive , I am flesh and blood. Touch my hand , I give you leave. Poor Jack , poor fel low , how you have suffered all these years. " "As they suffer in Hades , " he said , and humbly put his lips to the hem of her robe. "I worked hard for awhile , then a good old man married me , " she went on. "He was kind as a father , and I have a little boy. I am a widow now , and I came back to see the old place. I live in the wing that the agent had to let , and night after night I heard you through the partition , weeping and praying forgiveness of my ghost , swearing you did not mean to harm me. And I meant that you should only think my ghost forgave you. But I I could not help telling the truth , dear Jack , once I saw you so near me and so broken hearted. " Then indeed , Jack grew bolder and dared to touch her hands and to lift them to his lips. He was thankful and humble , as though heaven imd vouchsafed him a vision of angels , and he left her at her door as he might have parted from one. But , after all , she was a living woman , he a- man whp loved her , and ere the autumn leaves fell they were wed. Mary Kyle Dallas , in Fireside Companion. HIS MISTAKE. The Old Man Cot Slightly Mixed up on the Coats. An old man with a florid face sat in a restaurant the other day talking business with another diner across the table , says the New York Tribune. His coat was hanging on the wall be side him , and he was so earnestly en gaged in conversation that when the meal was ended and he was ready to smoke he reached up his hand with out looking around and began to feel for the pocket of his overcoat. His hand reached impatiently all over the garment , found the pocket , went down into it and came forth empty. Then the old man searched for the other pocket. This was on the other side of the coat , next to the wall , and it took his straying hand some time to get into it. A look of surprise flashed over his face. He drew forth from his pocket a box of cigarettes. He put them down on the table and looked at them contemptuously. "Cigarettes , " he said , with ib sniff. "Cigarettes. Somebody has stolen my cigar-case and left these things in my pocket. " The old man began to get angry and his face grew redder. "Cigarettes , " he snorted , "The scoundrel ! Waiter , waiter , " he called his voice rising in anger. "Yes , sir. " "Who put these things in my pocket and stole my cigars ? " "I dent know , sir. I'll see about it , sir. " "You should know , you do know. " "Let me look in your pockets , sir ; you may be mistaken. "Don't contradict me. I tell you they're stolen , and some one has put these d things in my pocket. " "Let me look in your pocket again , sir. They may be there. ' " ' "You shan't look in my pocket. Don't you think I know what's in my pockets and what isn't ? Didn't I ju.st i o through them ? What does this house mean , " cried the old man , standing up and shakinc his linger threateningly , "by allowing a guest to be treated "in this fashion ? I'll have you reported , sir. I'll have you dis charged. " He pushed the box of cigarettes angrily across the table. "Bring me some cigars , " he snapp ed. As the old gentleman was lighting his cigar another man came up and reached for the coat which was hanging - ing on the peg beside the indignant' guest. lie got a , fierce "lance as he took do\yn the coat. The old man got up , his face purple with ra e. "What areyou goingtodowith that coat , sir ? " he asked crisply. "Put it on , " answered _ the other calmly , handing it to a waiter. "That is my coat , sir. " "I beg your pardon , it is my coat , " replied "the stranger cooly , slipping his arms through the sleeves. The old man was in a tremble. "That is my coat , " he shouted. "Take it off. " The stranger's eye caught sight of the box of cigarettes lying on the table. "Ah , " ' he said , "I see yon have been trying the flavor of my cigarettes. Won't you have another ? " he added , smiling. "Where are my cigars ? " cried the furious gentleman. "I'm sure I don't know , " said the stranger quietly. "Perhaps they are in my pocket here. I see the coats are precisely alike. I noticed that when I hung mine beside yours. " The old man looked at his coat un disturbed on its pejj. "Have a cigar ? " he said faintly. "No , I thank you. I prefer cigar ettes. " "Have a drink ? " "No , I thank you , I seldom drink. " "Hang it , waiter ! " cried the oldgen- tleman , "bring me my check. Are you going to keep me here all day ? " "Good day , sir. " said the stranser. "Good day , " growled the irascible old gentlman. A moment later the stranger return ed. "Excuse me. sir , " he said mildly , "may I have one of my cigarettes ? " Just then the old gentleman swore roundly. ] Mistakes Will Happen. In the rush and hurry of putting to gether a newspaper mistakes occur far less frequently than might reason ably bo expected , but once in a while something comes up to show what is only prevented daily by the closest care. Here , for instance is the Bos ton Herald , a x > np ' thqt is usually carefully made up , describing a man as follows : The doctor is a man who would at tract attention in any crowd. He is over G feet tall , straight and broad-shouldered. He looks to be about 55 years old. His most prom inent feature is his nose , which was enormous , and the conduct of the women execerable and scandalous. Then on another page of the same paper we read : * There was a perfect mob of people , principally women and young girls , strangers to the dead and to the family , but who crushed into the house to get a sight at the furnishings upon which money had been lavished without stint. The crown is large and sharply acquiline. His eyes are blue and penetrating and his beard , which is sprinkled with gray , is worn Burnside fashion and rather long. He is a very smooth and easy talker. Let anybody read these two para graphs carefully , and he will be pretty sure to read them again and gasp as he does it. Hartford Courant. Shaving With Both Hands. There are lots of barbers who won't hire a man who cant shave himself with either hand. Of the people who shave themselves , forty-nine out of fifty can hold their razors in but one hand. Yet it is just as easy and much more convenient to shave the right side of your face with your right hand and the left side with the left hand if you only begin that way. No two nieh who shave themselves , do fliri i\'r- lr'ililrt o2VininlN'p ; if f IIOT * f.nnL- up before going to a. . barber. I know a wealthy man who shaves himself standing in the corner of his room and facing the wall. In youth he was a poor country , boy , and , like most boys , bought a razor on the quiet. But he had no looking-glass in his chamber , and rather than let his folks know what he was up to , he faced the wall and scraped away by sense of feeling. Once learned that way , ho never had use for a glass. I knew an old farmer in the country who shaved himself sitting on a milking-stool. and looking at his reflection in a bucket of water. That was the way he learned when a boy , and he said'he couldn't shave himself standing up. St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Kate Could Not Eat the Salad , Kate Chase Sprague tells this story of a visit to old Gen. Winfield Scott , at Cozzen's West Point : "He gave us seats at his own especial table , and was very kind to us , but I was terribly afraid of him. One of his greatest pleasures at the table was to mix the most fiery of salads , which he would send by his own man ( who always stood behind his master's chair ) witli the general's compliments , to the favored few. My gastronomic tastes were far from being developed , and the old gentleman's red peppc-r and mustard nearly killed me. I simply could not eat the burningstufY. Feeling the general's eye upon me , I vainly tried to swallow it , but failed ignominiously , with tears coming into i n rn-no Vlfli flio ottVn-f rIV ! l/1f1 rn my discomfort and mortification , a voice roared out in a deep tone from the general's throne : "The little Chase does not like my salad. " A Romance of the Census. "Madam , " said the grateful census enumerator , "you have replied cour teously and kindly to all my ques tions. Unlike nearly every person I have met since I began this work , you have not treated me as if I were an enemy and an intruder. . You have answered satisfactorily all. the ques tions as to age , physical condition and ownership of property. Your . conduct meets my hearty approval ' not only as a Government officer but , as a citizen , and with your permisbiqn I will ask you a question not down in my list. "Are you engaged to be mar ried to anybody ? " "I am , suv" repli ed the handsome widow , blushing. "I feared so , " said the census taker , with a sigh. And he put on his hat and went out into the cold world again , his faith in human nature re stored , but his heart broken. Ex change. Self-Identifying Offspring. There is a negro woman living out in the country near Waynesboro Ga. , who has queer ideas as to the naming of children. Instead of bestowing up on them the Bibical names so popu lar with the Afro-American citizen , she has developed a nomenclature from their physical peculiarties. For instance , one has very thick lips , and his name is Lips ; another has very bin feet , and he is called Foots ; an other is blessed with a pair of bowed legs , and he is known as Crooks. She gives as a reason that as there are so many of them she could not remem ber the ordinary names , but as they are , she has only to look at them and she knows what to call them. Atlan ta Constitution. Electricity is employed in a Berlin cafe to boil coffee. A platinum wire passes in spiral form through several glass jars , the electrical current quickly raising the water contained to a boil ing point , and the coffee is thus pre pared in the view of any one in the room. A small electric railway con veys the coffee to the several tables , so that the guests may help them selves to their liking. What is Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants and Children. It contains neither Opium , Morphine nor other Xarcotic substance. It is a harmless substitute for Paregoric , Drops , Soothing Syrups , and Castor Oil. It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years' use by Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays feverishness. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd , cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves teething troubles , cures constipation and flatulency. Castoria assimilates the food , regulates the stomach and bowels , giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend. Castoria. "Castoria Is an excellent medicine for chil dren. Mothers have repeatedly told ma of its good effect upon their children. " Do. G. C. OSOOOD , Lowell , Moss. " Castoria Is the best remedy for children of which I am acquainted. I hope the day is not far distant when mothers will consider the real Intercut of their children , and use Castoria in stead cf the various quack nostrums which ore destroying their loved ones , by forcingopium , morphine , soothing syrup and other hurtful agents down their throats , thereby sending thera to premature graves. " Da. J. F. KrNctiKLos , Conway , Ark. Tie Contanr Company , TT Murray Street , New York City. ATA R THE POSITIVE CURE. I ELY BROTHERS. 68 Warren SW New Tort , flfco 33 ct > \ JACK. DWYEiR'S "OUR COUNTY-SEAT" A FIVE CENT CIGAR. Try this popular brand. It is one of the finest nickel cigars ever placed on sale in McCook. F. D. BURGESS , PLUMBING , Steam and Hot Water Heating , North Main Arenue , McCOOK , - - NEBRASKA. . stock of best grades of Hose. Laira Sprinklers , HOBO Keels ami Hose Fixture ! , constantly on band. Ail work receive * proop4 attention. J. S. McBRAYER , House Mover % Drayman , McCOOK , NEB. and Safe Moving a Spec ialty. Orders for Draying left at the Huddleston Lumber Yard will receive prompt attention. HUMPHREYS' DB. HUMPHREYS' SPECIFICS are scientifically and carefully prepared prescriptions ; med for many years In private practice with succe&s.anil for over thirty-years used by the people. Every single Spe cific is a Bpecla 1 cure for the disease named. These Specifics cure without drugging , pnrR- Ing-orreducinKtho system , and are In fact and deed thesovereleu remedies of the World. tSTorrr.ixcirAiscH. CCP.ES. PRICES. JFovers , Congestion , inflammation. . . , 2Z Worms , Worm. Fever , Worm Colic . ' 7 Coughs , Cold , Bronchitis 8 Ncnraljrln , Toothache.Faceache . . Headaches , SlckHeadache , Vertigo . 'Jo 10 Dyspepsia , Bilious Stomach ± 't 11 Suppressed or Painful Periods , . -i.1 * 1' AVhues , tooProfU'.e Periods J.'X li ! Croup , Consh , Dinicult Breathing. . . . , - ! . ; 1-f Salt Itheum , ErysipelasEruptions. . ' > 35 Khenmatiflin , Rheumatic Pains % ! 5 3O > "cTorand A ne , ChillsMalaria .10 17 IMles , Blind or Bleeding . - .SO 19 Catarrh , Influenza , ColdlntheHead .SO tiO Wlioopine Cough , Violent Coughs. .30 i4 Uenernl neblllty.l'hyslcanVeakuesa .30 ii7 KldneyJMsense -30. U8 Nervous Debility r R : tO Urinary Wraltncs , Writing Bed. . .jO 32 Diseases of thelleart.Palpltationl.OO Sold by DruggUH , or sent postpaid on receipt ot price. DR. HUMPHREYS * M NIAL. (144 page j richly bound in cloth and gold , mailed free. Huinphrey9'3IedlclneCo.lU9FuUonat.y Y. SPECIFICS. Children Cry for Pitcher's Castoria. When Baby was sick , tve gave her CastorU. When she TTM a Child , she cried for Castoria , When she became Miss , she dung to Castoria , fftoa pfee hid Childrsa , ih gye tbaa CactorU , Castoria. " Castoria Is so well adapted to children tha * I recommend it aasuperiortoonypretjcriptioa known to me. " H. A. Ancntn , M. D. , Ill So. Oxford St. , Brooklyn , N. T. " Onr physicians in tha children's depart ment have spoken highly of their erperi- enco in their outside practice with Castoria , and Although we only have among our medical supplies what is known 03 regular prodncut , yet wo are free to confess that tha merits of Castoria has won us to look with favor upon it. " UNITED HOSPITAL AHD DisrE3ABY , Boston , Maa. C. Sierra , Pret. , K1LPATR1CK BROTHERS. Horses branded on left hip or left sbot : : ler. P.O.address , Imperi.il. Chase County , und Ueat- rice. Neb. Kangi-.Stmfc- iiijr Water ami French man creeks. Chase Co Nebraska. Brand aq cut on side of some uninml.s , on hip and sides of tioine. or anywhere - where on the animal. ALLEN'S TRANSFER , Bus , Baggage Dray Line. F. P. ALLEN , Prop. , McCOOK , NEBRASKA. ISP-Best Eauipped in the City. Leave orrif-ri at Commercial Hotel. Good well water fur- ni h d on abort notice. rvrx csvtxrtrw To cure Biliousness , Sick Headache , Conatt- pation , Malaria , Liver Complaints , taka the safe and certain remedy , SMITH'S BILE BEANS Use the SM AIA Size (401ittle ( Beans to tha bottle ) . THET ARE THE MOST CONTEXIE . Suitable * ox- all _ \.go . Price of either size , ZSc. per Bottle , FOR MEN ONLY !