'
' ' THE DAILY TRJBTJNF.
v. nr. KMinmx , i'uiii i > r.
| • Mc' ' OOK. : : NKP.
Tho people of the United States
Bpend $25,000,000 unnuully for baking
p powders. Verily , wo are * a rising ua-
L ' tion.
. . =
, Tijb Washington Memorial Arch
t - Fund of Now York was increased by
* " upwards of thirty conts this week. Our
ife. generous millionaires have doubtless
W been contributing.
, 'F After tho Johnstown. and other
disasters by flood , tho ruin wrought
by high winds and tho tremendous
[ " loss of property by storms on tho
" ' - Atlantic coast , tho east should bo in a
• * s , humble and contrite mood and tho cry
\ " * of "Westward , ho1" will doubtless re-
s ccivo moro respectful attention.
t\ -
tpf'1
pf'1 - -
; * * • : There is a strong sentiment in Mex
ico in favor of a reciprocity treaty
p with this country , but tho feeling is
.r that tho initiative should bo taken by
tr - tho United States. This view , under
tho circumstances , is a natural one to
p take , as Mexico went farther in this
iJi direction in tho past than wo did.
%
George W. Ciiilds , of tho Phila-
jj delphia Public Ledger , and Anthony J.
' Drcxol , the head of the groat banking
houso of Drcxol & Co. , are said to bo
the warmest of friends. They aro
millionaires , and neither is afraid of
the other trying to borrow money of
him. Tint little habit is very trying
between friends.
Oliver Wexdeli , Holmes has spent
"
the better part of a long lifo in writ
ing poetry that men < and women can
read without a blush , can understand
; . - • without a p 'ickaxo or microscope , and
aro happier , better and nobler for
perusing. His laughter never jeers ,
Earcasm never poisons , his tears aro
never weak or sickly.
Tiie innocent and guileless people
who live in cities aro no match for
i their country cousins. A writer in tho
L Boston Post says that certain towns in
X New Hampshire and Vermont hxvo
I 'been stocked with bogus antique furni
ture , which is sold at exorbitant prices
to city visitors , who think they are
getting old family heirlooms.
Some scientific people have figured
that the rock of Niagara is being
worn away by tho waters at such rate
that in a few thousand years the
• cataract will work up to Lake Erie.
The Canadians are determined to de
fray this progress. so far as in them
lies , and will punish American sports
who may rub down tho rock by going
'over the falls in tho fulfilment of
*
' • wagers.
Agriculture being still the leading
-interest in the country , tho crops are
prime factors in determining the busi
ness situation. For this reason the
* • - * " -country may confidently look for in-
, -creased railway earnings and an ex
pansion in the clearances of the banks
-in the chief cities. In both of those
Uines of activity there may have been
igains throughout the year , as compar-
> ed with 1888.
'v' ' = = = = =
TnE records kept by Mexico show
'that the exportations of merchandise
I lfrom the United States to that country
are many millions of dollars in value
B - greater than our official documents re
veal. This omission on our side , of
- course , is well known to our authorities
- and to Congress. There is no law pro
viding for the collection of statistics of
v exports from this country to foreign
territory by rail.
A Vouxg man down in Indiana has
bet an example which the young wo-
* 2en'will do well to discontinue right
" • away. Ho was engaged to marry a
young lady , but on the day set for the
Jwedding fled to Canada. So long as
'Canada only entices our recreant bank
' cachier we can as a nation stand it , but
r"whemsheenters the lists as a refuge
i'for recalcitrant bridegrooms there is
• " "bound to bo a heap of trouble.
That Queen Victoria is a woman of
fmore than ordinary force of character'
ts clearly shown by the fact that during
her recent visit to Wales she on sev-
eral occasions flattered the natives by
I v - addressing them in their own language.
Moreover , she is able to both read and
'write Hindostanee with considerable
' fluency. There are but few ladies who
- at the age of seventy would have the
perseverance and the courage to ac-
§ j - quire proficiency in two such excruci-
fi atingly difficult languages as Hindo-
| | -stance and Welsh.
| | -The relations of employer and em-
H * "ploye have vastly changed within tho
m 4ast century. The modern system , in-
H Solving vast corporations and combina-
K tlons of capital , is a comparatively new
nf creation. The development has been
II | without parallel in the history of the
Sj ; world , and it is but natural that the
| K tnasses should bo unable to grasp the
II 'great problem of the ultimate effect a1
li xmco , and in consequence have been
[ f rplaced at a great disadvantage in con-
[ M , ducting their defense against the ag-
; gressions made upon them.
A good many townsin New Eng-
Rj land have celebrated their 250th birth-
days recently , and the fact that they
pass for very old communities shows
- what a very young country we are ,
5 after all. In the Old World they
M would bo regarded as tho toddling in-
B fants among towns. If Damascus
I " „ vvere to set out to celebrate , it would
1 _ ; V jmzzlo the wisest of its wiso men to
I ? * C- iniunber the anniversary. Damascus
1 x is said to have been an old-established
a " .cjty nineteen hundred years before
1 ; , 'Christ On the other hand , tho Amer-
I ; ; jican community has the advantage
! tthat its oldest inhabitant remembers
{ the oldest inhabitant of his boyhood ,
1. -who remembered tho site of tho town
f before there was any town.
J . . . . . . . , ,
Mffa M * - * : " - .A. - , , , i , T-h1nn irir-ii mmiW'li jifUJC' ' "
Eov the Wily Machine Ban Away "With
an Estimable Lady.
Sho Took an Afternoon Outing In
Central Park and Added Mate
rially to tho Attractions of
that InterestingResort. .
* *
Among tho many interesting things
to be seen in Contral Park , tho past
week , was ray wift/u mother on a bi
cycle. It was not her intention orig
inally to enter into competition with
the menagerie , but it's a frozen fact
that the two hippopotami were noth
ing to her after she got fairly started.
TOO NUCn FOR ONE MAN.
I may add that the difficulty was
right there getting started. With
the aid of two men and a stop ladder
my wife's mother can climb upon a
good , square-rigged horse with a stout
leg under each corner of him , and do
it so nicely that the beast will smile
through his tears ; but with abicyclo it
is different. A bicycle has only two
legs and neither of them can be de-
dended upon to hold still in an emer
gency. She enjoys equestrian ism very
much because she thinks that it re
duces her weight , but , as the matter of
fact , it is much moro likely to have
that effect upon the horse. As a friend
of dumb animals I have advised my
wife's mother to transfer her affec
tions to the bicycle. I told her that it
was becoming very fashionable so
much so that the newspapers had be
gun to libel celebrated actresses and
others Mrs. Langtry and Mrs. Potter
among tho others by saying that they
wore experts with the wheel.
I also told my wife's mother that I
know of a girl who reduced her weight
twenty pounds by bicycle riding. This
was a fact. She broke her spine in
three places and isn't out of the hos
pital yet.
I did not mention the latter part of
this to my wife's mother , because I
wouldn 't be so mean as to spoil her
sport with needless anxiety , as , after
all. she mierht live through this as sho
had through many other things that I
had confidently depended upon.
My representations decided her and
she prepared for a gre-it success on
wheels. She did not care to appear in
the park without preparatory practice ,
so shG hired a bicycle and had it
brought to the house. With this sho
experimented in the hall outside the
door of our flat , during the daytime ,
when the men were down town. She
did not learn to ride up and down
stairs , though she went part of tho way
down once vevy successfully , but sho
acquired a pose which was somewhat
easier and moro dignified than if the
bicycle had been a brush fence , though
not much.
Then she decided that it was safe to
try the park. There is a place closo
by where women can hire bicycles , and
there my wife's mother asked for and
obtained one with a rugged constitu
tion and a gentle disposition. She led
the docile machine to a secluded spot ,
where she thought to get a good start
before sailing out before the admiring
gaze of the multitude. Then she tried
to mount , but it wasn't so easy there as
in the hall with tho bannisters to hang
onto. She tried.it till the machine
got tired and then it lay down and she
fell over it. At the next attempt sho
put her foot through one wheel and sat
down on the other one. At this mo
ment park policeman No. 13 hove in
sight.
"Can I help ye thin wid that hay-
thin machine , I dunuo ? " he inquired
politely.
"I can ride real well on my own
bicycle , " said my wife's mother with
true feminine mendacity , "but this
ugly thing lies down every time I look
at it. " ' ,
"It looks daycint and docile , " said
No. 13 , "but the dayvil is in them
things. I see a power of 'em every
day , and the tricks they is up to , an'
why half the women in this town ain't
walkin' round this minute with broken
necks is beyant me entirely. "
THEY ALL WANTED TO HOLT > IT.
By this time No. 13 had lifted up
tho machine and was holding it on one
side while my wife's mother mounted
on the other. Several spectators had
strolled up meanwhile. My wife's
mother made a bold hasty step.and the
bicycle took a tilt toward No. 18. He
dug his toes into tho sand and tried to
brace up under the load , but it was a
little too much for him. Things began
to look serious. My wife's mother let
go her grip on the steering apparatus
and flung her arms around No , 13's'
neck. He took a new grip on the .
earth at an incrensed angle. Several
of the spectators offered advice , though
there was really nothing to do but
trust in providence. No. 18's feet slip
ped slowly out from under him ; my
wife's mother attempted to fly , and
succeeded so well that when she and
tho bicycle , after a short aerial per
formance , decended together they
found No. 13's prostrate body waiting
for them. He was removed from under
the wreck much broader , but not near
ly so thick as he had been before.
Nevertheless the spectators of whom
there were now a large number , re
garded the affair as a great joke , and
fifty or a hundred of them offered to
hold the machine for nothing if my
wife's mother , would try it again.
Probaoly they' thought that they could
bluff her out This mistake arose from
not having had her in the family. She
'
i. • : tJ. - •
V * r % - . ' ' ; i"i'ni ; ' , y'f , ' .T ' i. . ! " ' ' *
i
was in a condition of mind to' ride that
! dieyclo if nothing had remained of it
but ono wheel. Singularly enough ,
howovor. it was found to bo substan
tially uninjured. About a dozen men
then grabbed the machine whilo tho
'
female cyclist o 'f our family proceeded
to mount They were i-sststcd by one
small boy who took hold of tho rear
wheel with tho avowed intention of
"steadyin' do bloomin' bike till do old
lady hollered go. " Ho didn't wait for
tho 8iirnal , howovor , but , as soon as
my wife's inothor got her seat ho gave
tho machine a violent push which
caused the slender man in front to sit
down very suddenly. The ' cyclist ,
having by this time got a grip on tho
treadles , took a flying start and passing
over tho slender man lengthwise ,
proceeded on her way down hill.
It isn't very hard to run a bicycle
down lull if you're in a hurry and
don't care how fast you go , and don't
get your foot mixed up with tho
treadles or run over a dog or meet
anything coming up. Some of these
possibilities occurred to my wife's
mother after the speed of tho ma
chine began to got away from her ,
and they destroyed her peace of mind.
But nothing serious happened. Sho
ran down the long hill beautifully , and
her headway took her about forty
feet up a short steep incline that faced
tho other slope. She tried to continue
her progress up this slope but it
wouldn't work. Instead , she began to
gather speed in the opposite direction ;
so she gracefully alighted on her back ,
and picked up tho machine which had
run into a tree.
Sho led tho bicycle up tho hill , and
endeavored to look as if nothing had
happened. Sho was not wholly suc
cessful for her fame spread and there
seemed to be people all ovor tho placo
who wanted to hold tho machine , and
then see the fun afterwards. Among
them was a large , fat patriarch who
said that ho was an expert He really
did understand the subject very well ,
for ho put my wife's mother on it with
out much trouble , and suggested that
she should ride round and round on tho
lavel space at tho top of tho hill and
not try to go down. She tried this
plan and succeeded fairly well.
Meanwhile the expert strolled down
the hill. Probably he knew that my
wife's mother would get down there
eventually. She got there sooner than
ho expected. For riding a bicycle a
woman wears a round , full skirt , much
like an ordinary riding habit but not so
long. Now there happonod to be a
good breeze on the eminence , and be
fore my wife's mother was aware of it
her skirt had blown out like a great
balloon and was sailing off with her
before the wind , and the wind blew
straight down the hill. Forty miles an
hour was nothing to her speed at the
moment when tho obliging expert
turned and saw her bearing down up
on him. He was too completely taken
by surprise to dodge , so he fled. A
half dozen other pedestrians and sev
eral dogs joined in the stampede. They
made good time but it was no use ; they
couldn't beat the air ship on wheels.
The flying machine passed over the
fat gentleman and ground his nose in
to the sand.
fa * * t
MV WIFE'S MOTHER UNDER FULL SAIL.
The bicycle was deflected from its
course by this collision , and made a
jump for a shady nook where one of
the park gardners was eating his lunch
sitting on a board across two barrels.
The bicycle went under the board , and
my wife's mother went over it She
took the gardner with her. He did not
mean to elope but he couldn't help it.
He had no time to reflect They both
landed in a large tank which the gar
dener had been filling as a sort of res-
ervior.
Undoubtedly if I had seen this event
with all its breakneck possibilities I
should have thought myself in luck.
But I wasn't My wife ' s mother escap
ed entirely uninjured , but the bicycle
was a wreck and I had to pay for it
Still it.is a fact that although bicycling
is getting more fashionable for women ,
it has permanently lost its popularity
in our family.
•
If.
If damsels fair and youthful
But meant the things they say ,
Ah ! then , what joy to listen
When eyes of azure glisten
And tender words aud truthful
Ourfe.irsand doubts allay ;
If damsels fair and youthful
But meant the things they say.
If maidens never flirted
And men were never false ;
If matrons never chided ,
If wall flowers ne'er derided ,
One's cares might be diverted
By gliding through a valse ;
If maidens never flirted
And men were never false.
If bores were never present
And boors were never seen ;
If girls in their tenth season
Would only listen to reason ,
'Twould render much moro pleasant
Society , 1 ween ;
If bores were never present *
And boors were never seen.
America.
.
i
A Gambler's Request.
Frederick Brown , a well known
sporting man of Washington , who died
in Saratoga recently , made a will leav
ing his mother $80,000. This amount
he has won from the bookmakers in
the last year. At the last meeting of
the Jockey club in 1888 he "went
broke , " saving from the wreck only a
diamond ring , which he pawned for
$40. Borrowing $10 he started with
this capital and won $6,000 during the
spring meeting. He followed the
horses to Monmouth , Sheepshead and
Saratoga , and won right along. He
deposited $17,000 of his winnings in a
Saratoga bank.
Hereditary Heredity.
An honest Indian , who had been
among the white men long enough to
learn how to shave his fellow men ,
within the pale of tho law , opened a
barber shop out in Cheyenne. Some
body , probably not a clergyman , hung
a sign up over his door , the first night
which rend , "Superfluous hair removed
whilo you wait" And all next day
the patient barber wondered why no
body came near his shop except a bald
headed policeman who loitered behind
a tree box over the way. Burdette.
M -I .1 .UKJ . . . . . . . . j L L _ u -i-m II I . .l-ll I ll '
A VALLEY OF WONDERS.
Marvelous S ghts Along : tho
Course of thp Colorado River.
On tho Colorado rivor , a distance of
10P miles , aro mountains of salt o.\ >
1 tending miles. Tho salt is so pure
that a newspaper can bo read through
blocks of six and eight inches. A
single blast of giant powder will blow
out tons upon tons of it. This salt
docs not dazzlo your eyes , ' as you
might expect , while riding along on
the river steamer or clambering over
it It has a layer of sandstone from
two to eight feet thick ovor it When
this is torn away the salt lies in full
sight like a great snowdrift How
deep it is nobody knows. This salt is
destined to be the source of great
wealth. Hamilton Disston , tho big
saw manufacturer , and Baldwin , of tho
Baldwin locomotive works , aro the
only men who have secured any of
these salt mountains. When tho Utah
Southern railroad is pushed on from
Frisco. Utah , it will tap tho gigantic
salt mountains. The rooks up toward
the salt mountains aro painted and cut
into hieroglyphics which none of tho
Mojave , Yuma , Pinto or other Indians
know tho meaning of. There are
valleys along tho great but as yet un
known Colorado , singly as much as
120 miles long and twenty wide. That
will be the real orange country of tho
globe. They aro as rich as the valley
of tho Nile. Irrigation will redeem
them. Water will bo brought on
them as sure a3 destiny.
El Dorado canyon is grander than
tho Grand canyon of tho Colorado.
The tops of the windows of tho steamer
Gila do not project out moro than six
inches , yet I may put my head out and
look as high as 1 can and I can't see
half way up tho mighty walls of tho
canyon. Tho rivor is 350 feet wido
there , too. The onJy way you can see
to tho top is to get right out on deck
and look straight up. The walls aro
so high that there is perpetual shade
there. Neither the sun nor the moon
can ohine in. It takes ten hours going
up to go through the canyon and two I
hours coming down. By the Colorado j
river and the Virginou can run clear ;
up into Nevada and Utah. Many peo
ple have laughed at me for saying I
1 was going up into mountainous ,
Nevada by boat , but that's just what I
have been doing right along. Strange
as it may seem , and little sis it is , the
Colorado has moro navigable water J
without portage than any other river !
on the Pacific coast. It has 700 miles , I '
while the Columbia has but 350. The I
Colorado is the only real field for ex- I
plorers on tho North American conti- i
uent outside of the frigid North. The ,
wonders that could be unearthed there i
will yet attract tho attention of the i
greatest scientists of the world. Col
orado Letter.
A Man of the World.
I suppose I am one of those persons
who come under the street phraseolo
gy of "a man of tho world. " I also
suppose that phrase , in its bast sense ,
means a man not wholly good or bad
a person known and distinguished
from those whoso pretensions lead
them into exclusiveness those who J
pretentiously consider themselves spec- j
ially ushered into the world for a pur- '
pose. With this self-sanctifying defi- .
nitionof my place in the social , econom- |
ic , political and business world , I have .
closely observed the men of my class
as contra-distinguished from my own.
Few men who have breasted the waves
of every day life , who are deep within
the shadow to-day and smiling in the
sunshine to-morrow , fail to develop a
heart rich in all the impulses of human
sympathy and benevolence. Now , it is
with no intention to cast odious reflec
tions upon a pretentious class by relat
ing a I'ecent incident A comparatively
young man , of good family and having
the advantage of a good education , but
who was unfortunate to the extent of ,
leaving the parental roof prematurely , j
and who failed to find the world all |
roses , called upon a now wealthy and (
formerly intimate friend of his father's i
family for assistance. He was seedy j
and absolutely needed. He wanted to |
take his rags and all his valuable ex- ,
perience home again , freely admit his i
error and commence life anew. Ho i
was not only refused assistance , but i
was even gruffly ordered away. He re
turned to his old haunts and his men
of the world associates disheartened , ,
related his day's experience to a com
pany of three or four , and with the re
sult that in to
they chipped enough i
send him to the old home , and f hoy '
did not ask any note for tho amount ,
advanced , with usurious interest , I
either. I received a check for tho
amount a few days ago , and it may not .
be inappropriate to say that his father >
has discontinued his business relations '
with the man to whom his son applied
for assistance , which means the loss of
several thousand a year. Globe Dem
ocrat.
Brough mid forvrln.
In one of his political campaigns ,
Gov. Brough was pitted against Cor-
win. In tho course of his speech the ,
Governor said : "Gentlemen , my hon
ored opponent himself , while he
preaches encouragement of home in-1
dustry , has a carriage at home which i
he got in England had it shipped' '
across the ocean to him. How is that
for supporting home industry and
labor ? " When Corwin's turn came , he
began slowly and in a stammering , i
confused manner , as if he felt himself
in a very embarrassing predicament. '
"Well , gentlemen , " he said , "you
have heard what my friend , Mr. (
Brough , has to s-iy of my carriage. I
plead guilty to the charges and ,
have only two things to say
in my defense. The first is that' '
the carriage came to me from '
an English ancestor as an heirloom ,
and I had to take it ; the second is that
I have not used it for seven years , and
it has been standing in my back-yard
all that time and the chickens have
converted it into a roost Now , gen- '
tlemen. that is all the defense I have
to offer ; but before I go on with what !
I have to say upon the topics before
us , I should like to ask how Brough (
happens to know anything about my ,
carriage , unless he has been visiting
my chicken roost ? " Argonaut
m
Id a Russian Court.
The folk lore of Southern Russia can
be partially imagined from a case which
ca-oie before a judge of Odessa. A man
applied for a writ to compel his
daughter to leave tho house , because
when she saluted her parents she did
not bow to them. He said that he
would withdraw his application if she 1
would ask pardon and make the regu- j
lar obeisance. The girl agreed. She
asked pardon ; but when she bowed the '
father cried : "Lower. Down with J
your head ! down below the girdle ! "
She replied : "I won't bend as low as
that not if I have to leave the house. "
The judge thereupon ordered her to
leave , but she gave in finally and
bowed her head to the girdle.
* *
- 1 /
,
*
I
OTDEED , IT WAS QUITS A SNAK.B.
Antique But Hearty and Probably
tho Progonltor of a Family.
" 1 know that don of big black
3nako3 ovor in Potter county that
Simon Kent talks about in tho Item ,
but I never know about tho 11 foot
shako that tried to capture a mulo , "
said a man from Wollsvillo. "I
haven't any doubt of it , though , for a
bigger ono than that tried to got away
with Charles Wolfliug a blacksmith
from Piko Mills , one day last summer ,
and two others , one 10 feet long and
tho other 12 , waylaid old Mr. Compton
and his daughter and wero bound to
carry them off. That don has been
thoro from timeout of mind. It is in
tho southwestern part of Potter
county , along tho Young Woman's
Creek , in a stretch of deep , dark
woods known as tho Black Forest. A
year never goes 'by that a number of
immense blacksnakes aro not over
powered in that locality , as they aro
always prowling around looking for
unwary teamsters and unsuspecting
pedestrians. I don't supposo there is
another spot on this continent whero
such monstrous blacksnakos can bo
found. I don't know what it is that
makes them grow so big thoro , but my
opinion is that it is because tho locality
whero they dwell is so wild and hard
to get at that tho snakes have undis
turbed opportunity to reach a patriar
chal age , and take on thoir size with
years. I believo blacksnakes would
get just as big elsewhere if they
could only get tho time. Thoro
| is no doubt in my mind
that some of those Black
Forest serpents wero born long before
this country was settled. I have Been
them with their faces as wrinkled as a
walnut , and with long gray hairs on
their upper lips. I killed ono onco
I i down there that had a funny lump on
J ' its side. I cut down into it four or fivo
j inches , and found a flint arrow head at
j the bottom of the lump. There is only
one explanation for tho presence of
I that arrow head there. The snake had
j been shot by an Indian sometime , and
1 as there hadn't been any Indians hunt-
ing with bows and arrows in that coun-
try for a good many generations , of
course Iho snake must have been a
lively native before the days of tho
white men in that country , and nobody
knows how many years before , either.
I'll bet anything on that snake's being
a hundred years old at least , and it
was as hale and hearty a serpent as
ever I saw. I say I killed it , but that
is hardly the truth , either , although it
owed its death to me. 1 was lumber-
ing along Old Woman's Creek , and had
a lot of logs banked ready for rolling
down the steep slope into the creek.
Accidentally I let a log get away from
me in unloading it , and away it went
down the hill. It had gone maybe
half way down and had acquired a tre
mendous momentum when I saw ono of
the big blacksnakes of tho rogion come
tearing out from some place where it
had been hiding and rush right out in
tho way of the rolling log. I don't
know what the snake thought tho log
was , but he was evidently in a state of
supreme fury at it , for he stopped and
raised his head and awaited the com
ing of the log. The log kdfit right on
and struck tho snake full force. The
crash was a good ono , and the log was
stopped as still as if it had brought up
against a rock.
" -Well , ' I said to myself , 'that's
pretty good. There' a snake with a
constitution or there never was one. '
• 'I went down the hill and found the
log canted up against the snake , and if
a man unused to that country had come
along just then I'd have said to him :
" 'Just look at that snake and that
log. "
• 'He'd a looked and then said :
" 'Which is the snake ? '
"But the snake was dead , and I very
foolishly , after cutting into the lump
on his side to satisfy my curiosity and
finding the ancient flint arrow-head ,
pried him out and roiled him down into
the creek with the log , instead of
measuring him and reporting his death
and size. Consequently I can't tell
how long he was , but he was a dandy.
But I actually believe that if he could
have been seasoned and sawed up he'd
have cut up inio as nice a bill of six
teen inch boards as anyone over
bought That snake , of course , was
an exception to the ordinary run of
Black Forest snakes. I may be wrong ,
but I believe he was the founder of the
blacksnake family there. There * wasn't
a gray hair on him , though , and his
teeth were as sound as a pebble. "
Philadelphia Item.
. - .
Hotv .1 3Ian Became a Colonel on Short Service.
Col. Ike Hill , of Licking county ,
without , doubt one of the greatest of
national characters , was in the city a
few days ago. To a number of old
friends , wno braved the terrors of
war , he related how he came by tho
title of colonel.
"I served in the
army one consecu
tive night , " said Ike. "It was the
Army of the Potomac , and it was near
Alexandria when I found them. I was
on my way there , and on tho train ,
not far from Alexandria , met an old
friend who was an officer in that army.
I was then a great short-card player ,
and he knew it. He invited me to go
down to camp , telling me I could win
a barrol of money. Well , I went
"It was 'long toward evening , and
that night we had a game of poker.
Why , 1 won at least $3,000 , breaking
them all. One of the crowd of officers
was a sore loser , and when he had
staked and lost his List cent he pull
ed his revolver and made me throw
up my hands. Then they took every
cent I had and turned me over from
one guard to another until I landed in
the bull pen at Alexandria. I was
dressed fit to kill , aud one of those
devils took a knife , running it up the
back of my Prince Albert , slitting it
to the neck. My patent leather shoes
were all burst from walking and I was
almost dead , besides being 'busted. '
I succeeded in getting out of the
prison and over to Washington , where
Mrs. Sunset' Cox loaned me $25 in J
gold. " i
" 'Was that all of
your war experi
ence ? " asked one of the party.
"That was all. Capt. Owens once
asked me. in a very surprised way ,
whether I had thrown up my hands
when they told mo to. I said I did.
" 'Well , I wouldn't have done it'
he said.
" 'No , you would have whipped the
army. I couldn 't" Cincinnati En
quirer.
A California Curiosity.
A crustacean curiosity of much in
terest has just bee"n added to the state
museum of California. Its scientific
name is Birgo Latis , the robber crab.
It is a land crab and lives by climbing j
cocoanut trees , from which it gathers |
the fruit cracking the same and eating
its fruit It is very hand&jme in ap- (
pearance , with strong claws , and looks
like a cross between a crab and a lob
ster. This specimen was broucrht
from the Fanning islands , on the other
side of the equator. Two of them w ere
brought , but ono hat einec died.
i i mi i i i limn iiiiii/i11' / " Jl ' " " ' njjji -
- -
A HORSETHEF | CLU
.A Clergyman Tolls tho Story of Hl3
Connootlon with It.
A roportor for tho San Francisco Ex-
aminor had an intorviow with Rov. .
Lawrence Grassmnn , who had just re
turned from Japan. Tho rovorond
gentleman gavo tho roportor an account
of .his connection with a horaothief
club in Nebraska. "Yes , indeed ; I
used to be ono of tho members of such
a club. I belonged to ono for two
years. I always did Hko a good
horse , nnd whoa I first located in
Omaha , I purchased a rather good ani
mal. I had just got fairly settled
down when ono day a man by tho namo
of Strong called and asked mo if I
didn't want to join tho Horse Thief
Club. When I asked him tho purposo
of tho organization ho said it was a
club to protect horse owners from tho
depredation of horso thioves. Yet tho
club wont by its peculiar name , which
expressed just tho opposito idoa it was
intonded to. Ho said as I had a horso
I had better get in and join , and if my
horso was stolen tho club would send
men after tho thioves and recover tho
property. All this would cost mo $1 a
month. "
"I asked him if tho taxes I paid to
tho authorities would not give mo tho
sarao right 'Hardly , ' ho said. His
idea of tho local authorities was very
low. He said he never yet heard of a
sheriff in Nebraska catching a horso
thief , and that he believed that half the
officers of the law in Nebraska were in
with the thioves. Hence the necessity
of a local club to protecthorso owners.
Well , continued tho Bo v. Grassmnn. I
concluded that my horso was worth
protecting ; I was duly initiated one
night , the club meeting in an old barn.
At first I thought I had fallen in with
a pretty hard crowd , but when they be
gan to talk 1 concluded that I had mot
a set of men who had considerable good
horso sense. They wero rough inou
and wore old clothe&.but they were good
types of the honest , hardy frontiers
man. They treated mo with a rough ,
sincere courte&y , and during the meet
ing a motion was made to oxcuso me
from active service on tho 'Overtaking
Committee , '
"To mako a long story short , ono
night my beautiful bay horse was stol
en and a special session of the club was
called. 1 was considerably excited ,
of course , and was early at the meet
ing. The club had a short session and
appointed \ \ illiam Strong and two
other men as on 'Overtaking Commit
tee' to trail the thioves. They mount
ed their fast horses in about five min
utes and , with revolvers strapped on ,
setoff in the dead of night on a smart
gallop. In about ten days they return
ed and brought my horse back. That
night tho conimitteo made their report
As near as I can remember it was as
follows :
" 'We , the committee , report that
wo 'overlook' the man who stole the
horse. William Stuoxg , Chairman. '
"Then they adjourned , and next day
I had a talk with Strong. The conver
sation was about like this :
" 'Where did you find my horse ? '
" 'Down in Kansas ; just across the
line. '
" 'Did you find the thief ? '
" 'We overtook him. '
" 'Why didn't you bring him bade ? '
" 'I said he was overtook. "
" 'What do you mean by overtook ? '
" 'Overtook with tribulation. I
guess he had hard luck. '
" 'Did you talk with him about the
sin of stealing ? '
" "Talked some. '
" 'What did he talk ? '
" 'He t Iked back. '
" 'What did he say ? '
• * 'Nothin' he sassed the
; just com
mittee. '
" 'Did he talk long ? '
" * He quit sooner than we did. '
" 'Did you ask him to come back ? '
" 'Naw. "
" 'You should have brought him
back and had him punished. Had
you no idea of arresting him ? '
" 'We hadn 't no requisition. '
" 'So you allowed him to go away
after this crime ? "
" 'Not by a jugful. No man goes
away after he's caught boss stealin. "
"Why not ? '
" 'Cos he's dead , ' parson deader'n
nits. '
" 'Do vou mean to say you killed
him ? '
" 'We him six times
plugged , par
son , and he curled up alongside the
road and died right there. I hated to
tell yer this 'cos you're a preacher.
I kept a fightin' yer off , but yer kept
comin' at me , and so now yer know
that the $10 yer put up helped pay
the expenses of the overtakers ; but
yer can bet high that there is no ex- .
pense to the undertakers. We all ;
agreed to keep the killin " back from
yer , but yer pumped me and yer got
the inside of the deal , didn't yer ? " 1
" Why , my dear sir , did you shed '
this man's biood ? '
" 'Coss he stole yer hoss. We r-un s
onto him early one morning , just he- \
yond the Kansas line. When we rode
up he was just gettin' through break- '
fast He didn't like the look of us I '
guess , for he up and snaps a gun at us \
twiste as I rode up. Guess the rainy
night had dampened the caps , for she 1
didn't go , but when I slung my Colt '
to the fore and plugged him a couple ]
er times she went , she did. Jack and (
Andy plugged him some , too. We 1
just left him layin' there in the road , l
and rccoverin' yer hoss , come home. '
His relatives are the proper pussons *
to bury him , but folks that an 't no kin 1
to a hoss thief oughten to monkey :
with his remains. " ' '
The reverend story teller gave the ;
recital with an inimitable drawl , and 1
took off the queer frontier speech to *
the life. *
"I really felt sorry , " he continued.
"that the man who stole the horse was "
killed , for hoi\- stealing is a sin that
I always felt like forgiving a man for.
The sin of covetousness never touches
my soul except when I see a sleek , i
spirited horse. I can look on heaps of t
gold and feel no envy of the owner , on i
precious stones and be indifferent '
even the charms of lovely women hard1
ly move me but the sight of a fine , I
high stepping horse about fourteen i
hands high and a good chest , with clean I
legs and a springy motion when he I
walks , sets me aflame with a disDOsii
tion to own him. I am kept back by a i
sense that I must not disgrace my 1
family by stealing him , so , when I find *
a man who has no self control , no eduf [
cation , no moral training , I know that c
ne has stolen horses and pity him for t
the possession of a passion that is mor- \
ally his master. My good common f
sense tells me that if I should take anc
other man's horse I would be discovered
and imprisoned. But if I ever got an f
idea that I could secure it without dej
tection and my crime never be heard j
of I should well , I should advise the 2
owner to keep his stable door fastened.
Of course this is not for publication
for if such candid talk got into print r
my congregation in Ohio would say 1 (
i
was lacking in orthodoxy nnd tho rogu- % * ,
lar clerical dignity. You must rccol- J | ]
loct that clorgymon whilo away from j
homo do not us a rulo act as.dignified' 4
ly as when they aro in tholr parish , 'M
and I am no oxcoptiou to tho rule. M !
Willy VamlerljIlL'M llotr nlth Hli Chef. jj [
Announcement of tho row botweon
William IC Vnndorbilt and his $10,000 jl
chef is tho sensation of tho hour and < f j
society is vory much Intorostod nnd a
amusod , says tho Nowport correspondi W
ont of tho Now York Horald. m
Whothor tho chof , Mr. Josoph , was Ms
discharged , or whothor ho discharged wl
Mr. Vanderbllt is not dollnltoly known , 3 ;
but cortain it is that tho rupture is ir- • % ' ,
roparablo and that M. ot Mrao. D.igniol * * f. ,
will sail for Europo Wcdnosdnj' , going Jj
directly to Paris. 1 *
Tho troublo arose ovor a pair of par- 1
tridges. I
Toujours pordrix novor fails to cause |
troublo in ovon tho best-rogulatod fam $ ' .
ilios and tho Vandcrbilt's aro not ox- # 1
ompt from tho common woes of human- | l
ity. Theso partridges woro served in 4'
a manner that did not suit Mrs. Van- f
dorbilt 'i
"Take thom away , " sho said to tho
butler. " . "
"They aro not good.
"Bog parding. mum. " said that' , '
functionary , after a moment's absence , '
and roturning with his no o at a high ; *
anglo over tho dorolict birds , "but *
Mooseor Josoph says has tho birds his *
perfect. " t
"Then tell him they aro not perfectly *
cooked , and keop them out of tho
room ! "
"Vory good , mum. " and returning
again , "Bog parding , mum , but
mooseer says 'o knows 'ow to cook. "
Mr. Vanderbilt , it is said , now inter
fered , with tho painful rosult already
mentioned , paid off his chef , aud in his
best French said : "Bid mo goodby
t
and go. "
M. Dagniol went
I found tho deposed Fronchman at
Pinard's this evening , whero ho was
letting his pot of griovnncossimmor all
over tho placo. 1 tried to skim him ,
but ho was too angry to talk intelligible
English and was too unnerved at his
fall to speak credible French.
"Ah , mon , Diou ! I havo y.eo reputa
tion to compose les menus los plus
recherches in Paris. Vas it for zis j'ai
quitte la belle Franco and le cafe Maire ?
Are nom do nom de nom de nom d'unc
pipe ! Uats , alors !
"Mais , " pulling himself together ,
"vat you vill viz mo ? You vill mo in
terview ? Quo voulozvous que jo vous
dise ? Allez done. Vous autres mil
lionaires Americians , vous no savez pas
distinguer entro un vrai supremo de
valaiilo et votro sacre pork and
beans.
"Ouah ! A bas Ja grade cuisine en
Ameriquo ! Jo pars pour noble patrie. "
Something like a bitter Gallic tear
hero glistened in M. Dagniol's eye ,
and I gavo the interview up as a bad
job. after timidly suggesting to the de- .i
throned monarch thatsomo of tho Now
York clubs wero awfully in need of ju-jt
such a cook as ho seemed to be.
"Trop tard , mon ami ; mon camr
cuisinierest 'braise. ' "
Tho Dipper.
If a number of dippers could bo
started from tho head of the water (
shed any given of area , tracing tho
brooks and streams from source to
mouth , they would register a perfect
chart of the w itorways of the district.
For it is a characteristic that , however
sinuously the stream may wind and
double on itself , these the dipper
closely follows , never skirting tho land
to make short flights. Even if ono be
fishing or boating on the stream , the
bird only rises higher , but allows no
obstacle to bar its course. The dipper
is perhaps the most essentially water
bird wo have even more so than the
so called water fowl , it seems so com
pletely a part and pared of the stream
it inhabits that ono might almost sug
gest its origin from the streams them
selves from the bubbles or the spray.
More frequently than not the nest is
placed immediately beneath a water-
fall and the young birds get their first
peep of the world without through a
spray shower of water crystils. Their
green mossy home conforms marvel- fl
ously to the dripping rock against 9
which it is placed so much so that
only a trained eye can detect it The fl
dipper is an early breeder , in some 9
years commencing its nest in January
.ind having its five foam white fl
eggs by tho end of the follow- 9
ing month. There lias been an onzel's 9
nest : by the White Water rocks time out 9
of ' mind. Every spring , when the first 9
willow wren's call comes uj ) from the 9
woods , we make a pilgrimu e to visit 9
it. : So soon : is wo are near enough to 9
hear ' the rush of water over the falls , -9
so ! soon do we catch the wonderously ' 9
joyous strains of the brook birJIt 9
seems that the more white water is fall- 9
ing the loude"r they sing ; and often 9
when from the bird's bill we have seen 9
that it was singing , the song h is been 9
completely drowned by the rush of the 9
water. But the nest ! It has been 9
against the dripping linchened rock 9
since first we could reach up to it it 9
is one of the marvels of bird architect- 9
ure so fresh , so crisp , so cunningly J9
woven and yet so much in keeping with | 9
the spirit of the bird. It is quite a foot | j9
in diameter , round and bossy in out- | 9
line , with a neat hole in the side and fl
wholly composed of the freshest green fl
moss. Standing by , one is soon 'H '
drenched through by the falling spray. S
which makes a miniature rainbow H
against tho sun. It is here that the 9
young dippers fir-jt begin life , and a fl
fairy spot It is. They soon learn to H
love the white foam and the torrent fl
and a few days after they leave the M
nest may be seen wading among the M
shallows , or occasionally disappearing H
in the deeps. From these they emerge , M
the golden watei'-trickling from their jH
backs , but seldom without some soft M
bodied thing from among the pebbles. M
Sylvan. Folk. MM
Sometimes Vou Can't Ahrajs Tell. M
A Wise Man says : "A young man M
used hardly and roughly will be a M
tougher man in the end. He will go ' M
into the fire iron and come out steel. " M
That depends a great deal on whether M
he does or not And that , again , de- H
pends largely on what the young man | H
is when he goes in. If he is simply H
basswood , and the very be3t quality of fl
basswood at that , when he goe3 in , he j J
goes in for good. He doesn't come out M
anything. I don't know where he goes. M
but he doesn't come out again. It j |
won't do to put all young men into the M
ire. Unless the. tempering process be M
considered a good way to get rid of M
them And then when you put the M
young man of iron into the fire you M
don 't want to keep him there too long , „ . | |
Dr you 'll spoil him. Iron will burn as _ J < H
well as baswood. if you keep it on the H
fire long enough. "How long shall 9
you keep him in then ? " Oh , bless 9
you ; how do I know ? Ask the Wise j H
Man , he began it Burdette. * 9
Rabbife aro mercenary ; when one mar- 9
ries he is sure of taking a harass. Yonke-r ; 9
Gazette. 9
