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About The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911 | View Entire Issue (June 17, 1909)
With the World's e Great Humorists Selections from ibc Writings of the 'Best Knotvn Makers of Mirth, The Jinxs7 Quarrel By JUDD MORTIMER LF.WIS. Jinx looked up .from the paper lie was reatliiiK. and his wife laid hr book aside and waited. 'Well?" said she finally when Jinx had watched her unseelngly (or at least a minute. "Yon showed all the symptoms of getting ready to read a joke; go ahead and read it." "This is no joke, dear; I have just lieen reading where a whole regiment of schoolchildren have been vaccin ated. These poor innocent little chil dren were compelled to hare their ten der little arms and submit them to the cruel knife." "Well, what of it? There Is no more dreadful disease than smallpox, and now those dear little children with the tender arms are ftrever proof against that terrible disease. "But, dear, you don't bcwu to un derstand." "It Is you who don't se?m lo under stand." "But I do understand! That virus which the doctors Introduce Into the veins of the poor little children In the most deadly kind of poison and is likely to kill these children!" "I don't care; vaccination Is ail right!" "But, dearest, It Is not all right, it Is all wrong! Think of the hundreds of innocent lives of little children that have been sacrificed. I tell you that the doctors who vaccinate, the men who pass the compulsory laws anil the parents who submit to it are no better than murderers!" "Jinx, do you dare to stnnd up there and tell me that I am not better than a murderer!'' "Why, dear, you know I didn't! Hut just think dear of all those little green graves!" Jep Moore's By J. W. Jep Moore was in love with the girl. That was as plain as the nose on his face which was about the plainest that ever a man stuck into a handker chief. But he was not to the manner born and although he feared no man, he had been mortally afraid of women as far back as he could remember, say about 27 years; come next month. If he could have shoved out bis good right arm and punched the lady in the face he would have been at case, but to shove it out to put It around her waist was too many for Jep. That was the reason ho had been courting Mollie Stewart for nearly two years and had arrived nowhere much. Hut a girl, and a pretty one at that, won't stand for everlasting procrastination whatever she nia think of the man, 3 She Welcomed Jep Cheerfully. and Jep began to observe that Mollie was having more gentlemen company than he liked to see around so often. Me didn't dare say anything, but hu proposed to do something and that Im mediately. Which was why he hitched his horse at her gate that evening and pounded up the walk to the porch where she sat all alone waiting for him. lie had Informed her by the Farmers' Tele phone line. In which he owned stock, that he was due to arrive at that hour. "Say, Mollis," he said with sudden energy, "what would you do If you was the moon and I was the sun?" It was not quite the flattering way to put It, but Jep was awkward and all he thought of was that the moon was' mighty pretty just then and so was Mollie. "Really, I don't know, Jep," she re plied, perplexed by the unexpected In quiry. "Can't you guess?" "Of course I can't. I couldn't be the moon, could 1?" "You could be the moou as easy as I could be the sun, couldn't you?" "I suppose so." "Well, Just le's s'pose, we was them; then what?" Mollie studied a moment and the feminine In her assorted Itseif. "Well, 1 suppose, Jep." she said laughing lightly, "If I was the union and you was the sun, I'd aw;.y when you come." Jtp hadn't thought where :hi con 'Where did all those terrlbl deaths happen t.li't have worried you (to?" "All rifht, sneer if you want to! Our children shall not be vaccinated!" "Tiiey ahull be vaccinated!" "I say they shall not! I will prevent I if I have to tight ull the courts in Christendom. The chance of their ever catching smallpox Is not greater than one In a million, and even if they do catch It science is so far advanced A Whole Regiment of School Children Have Been Vaccinated. that it is no longer dangerous or dreadful. No pits remain, and it is no worse than a bad cold." "Now you are talking silly! Our children shall be vaccinated even if I Courtship LAMPTON. versation would lead and he was wholly upset by her answer. He sat speechless. "Bui, I'm not the moon, Jep," she added quickly, "because you see I didn't go away when you come'." "Horn the sun and the moon, Mol lie," lie said, hitching his neck up through his 'collar .' he could "get mote air; "I didn't come over here to night to talk astronomy. What I come fer was to know why the dickens you don't marry me!" Mollie was not agitated. It was not The Subardency By J. W. Being inspired to nobler and higher things, Mrs. I'ptosnuf laid off her cor sets, gave her switch to the cook, in vested her feet with flat-heeled broad soled shoes and became a clubwoman. The switch was brown and the cook's hair was red, but Mrs. I'pto snuf's generosity did not aim to be logical. To Mrs. I'ptosnuf was assigned the task of preparing a paper on the Sub ardency of the Manifest an engaging topic, to be sure. She did not know what it might be, but it was splendid club stuff and gave her much oppor tunity to make a hit. In the meantime, there was the baby, to whom the Subardency of the Manifest was not so necessary as oc casional baths and uncontaminated milk. Mrs. I'ptosnuf engaged a nurse girl from Mrs. Fuzzywuff's School for I laughters of Splendid Families In Temporarily Reduced Circumstances. The nurse girl's name was Clarissa and she was shy, sweet and unsophis ticated as her name. "1 will be just as good to it as its own mother," she declared, when she saw the baby, which was saying much or little, as you (dioose. Then she goo-gooed to tlie baby and Mrs. I'ptosnuf went to the club meeting perfectly satisfied the baby was in competent bands. For had she not seen the Fuzzywuff di ploma? "And nurse," Mrs. I'ptosnuf called back from the front hallway, where she stood with a bulky manuscript, tied with yellow and white ribbon (club colors), "you might give buby a bath this afternoon and then put him In his little bed." Now the Fuzzywuff school, being for the daughters of Splendid Families In Temporarily Reduced Circumstances, taught much of removing spots from soiled velvet but little of battling ba bies, and Clarissa pondered much and long. How to prepare n bath? She had never seen it in the Fuzzywuff manual of domestic forms. She would see the cook. But the cook must not know she was Ignorant. She must Inquire diplomatically. So she went timidly down to the cook with the red hair and the brown switch and asked her how to prepare a bath for soft and delicate things something that would cleanse thoroughly nnd not Injure the softest fabrics. Clarissa was n born diplomat. When the cook told her. she went back up st:i!rs and rejoiced much. So baby had his bath and was put have to take them from their little beds and fly with them throng.1) thfc night to the home of my father!" "Oh, look at F.llza crossing the Ice! "That's right, sneer at me! Pok6 fun at me! Abuse me! But I stand here, by Jinx, and I tell you that they shall be vaccinated!" "All right, we shall see about that! I'll show you whether I am n man or whether I am a mouse!" and Jinx went out to feed the chickens. When he returned to the house supper wait on the table and he sat down to rnt. while Mrs. Jinx, with red nose and swollen eyes went and threw herself upon the bed. Jinx munched a few mouthfuls In silence; but the steak seemed to be full of cries, the coffee tasted of tears and the first muffin he broke apart made him think of a broken heart! He sat with bis chin In his palms staring at the wall for fully five minutes. Then with a sigh of resignation he arose and went Into the bedroom and kneel ing by the bed put his arm about his wife's neck and drew her to him. "Ilearest!" he whispered in her ear. "You don't love me!" sobbed she. "They shall be vaccinated," said Jinx. "N-n-o they shshan't!" sobbed she. "I think vaccination is horrid!" "Dear! We will let them decide It for themselves!" Suddenly Mrs. Jinx sat up and smiled through her tears until her face looked like a June day after a sun shower. "Mv goodness!" exclaimed she, "I have just thought of something!" "What is it. dear?" "We haven't any children!" "By fleorge!" was all Jinx could say. (Copyright, 19t(t. by W. O. Chapman.) her first proposal, though it was dif ferent. She looked up at him and smiled. Jep began to feel wobbly In the knees. "Well. Jep." she replied slowly, "If 1 can give you one good reason will you forgive me?" This sounded like Sunday-school talk and Jep felt the seriousness of It "Of course, 1 will, Mollie, but" he hesitated. - "The reason is. . Jep, "she inter rupted, "that you never asked me." After that it was so plain that even Jep could grasp the situation, which he did. Including Mollie. (Copyright, VMi, t.y V. J. Chapman.) of the Manifest FOLEY. in his little bed. But when Mrs. Uptosnuf returned from the club, there was much commo tion and running to and fro. Baby had erupted with a rash re sembling measles or scarlet fever. The family doctor was summoned hastily, looked long and marveled much. "Let me see the nurse," he said gruffly. Clarissa came timidly, but with that calm confidence horn in the Fuzzywuff diploma. Being a plain man the doc tor said: "What In blazes did you put on the baby?" And being u truthful "She Went Timidly Down to the Cook." girl and thoroughly competent to speak In polite circles, Clarissa said "I bathed him In one gallon of warm water, u bar of shaved soap, a quart of gasoline and a teacupful ol borax." Which was the cook's favorite pre scription for dollcate fabrics. So the doctor wrote a prescription and banded It to Mrs. I'ptosnuf headed. "For Mrs. I'ptosnuf's Baby,' and which read: tRx) Personal attention of mother, 21 hours. Sig: Apply every day. And for Clarissa he advised light work in the family laundry where her genius might flame unquwiched. But when the brute I'ptosnuf heard of It, he kicked the Subardency of the Manifest into (lie grate, where the yel low and white ribbon (club colors) perished miserably. tC'opyritht, 1SJ, by V. 0. Chapman.) RUSSIAN OFFICERS PARDONED. Lieut. Gen. Stoessel and Rear Admira' Nebogatoff Are Released from Priion. Sf. Petersburg. I.ieut. C.en. Anatole M. Sioessel and Hear Admiral Ncbo gatufl have been released from con finement in i he fortress of St. Peter and St. Paul by order of Kmperor Nicholas. The health of both men has been gravely affected by their confinement, tl'-n. Stoessel was found guilty by court-martial of surrendering the fort ress of Port Arthur to the Japanese ami was serving a sentence of ten years. Nebogatoff was sentenced for the same length of time for surren dering to the enemy at the bat tle of the Sea of Japan. Stoessel be gan his sentence March -0, P.tttS, while Nebogatoff took up his quarters lu the fortress April IT), 1007. Hear Admiral (iregorteff and I.ieut. Snivinoff, subordinate otlicers tinder Gen. Stoeitel. Nebogatoff In the Russo-Japanese wht, were pardoned and released from the fortress of St. Peter and St. Paul a month atso. These officers had been sentfiiied to death for having sur rendered their commands, but. In view of extenuating circumstances their sentences were commuted to ten years' imprisonment, which they be gun serving In P.m". During their stay In the fortress each prisoner had a large, bright, well warmed room. Before their windows the fortress gardens stretch down to the Neva, beyond which stands the winter palace, once the winter home of that other prisoner who spends most of his time In Tsurkoe Selo. In each room were a field bed, a large and a small table, a few (hairs, a wardrobe and a washstand. The windows are covered with Iron lat tice work. At eight o'clock In the morning the prisoners were served with tea and their newspapers were taken in. The sailor takes four news- piper-and Is a keen follower-of pol ities. The soldier scarcely manages to get through one journal. At one o'clock luncheon of meat and soup was served. The meal was not aried much, but the food was ex cellent. After luncheon the prison ers generally walked in the gardens. At six dinner was served, a light meal. At nine tea was served for the last time. The prisoners read as late Into the night as they cared to. Twice a week visitors were admitted, the first day being confined to their wives. Twice a month the prisoners took a bath In tfce fortress bath and on great holi days they attended service In the famous fortress cathedral under a convoy of soldiers. BULL TO PACE HORSES. The Animal Is a Four-Year-Old, Full- Blooded Jersey, and as Docile as an Old Cow. Boston. A fourye.nr-old full-blooded Jersey bull will pace to harness in the Four-Year-Old Bull, Which Is to Pace Against Horses. i.W class In Pennsylvania this year The bull Is owned by Dr. James (J Chancy, an old horseman, ami John II. Ross of Waynesburg. These men discovered the bull when a year old in Maryland. At that time some boyr were breaking him to harness, and several months later the animal wtu purchased and his training was con tinned. He paces to a track sulky In a two-minute harness, with bits ami hopples, such as any light horse would have. He Is docile as an old cow, ac cording to Mr. Ross, and for pastime he iu ridden lo saddle by the owners He is the idol of children, who fre quently ride astride his back. Tht bull has done the half mile in 1:L'J and his owners are cofldeut he can di the mile in less than 2::i0. He hn wind as good as any horse, and Dr Chancy and Mr. Ross are now making arrangements to match the bull against trotting horses as an exhibi tion. The latest Japanese bank notes are printed in Knglhh as well tu JapRnesw tl.uri.l tlTB. l'"7t If-T" L 1 1 S I it. n uy nit- i uunLYAnUQ) m pmJm Mi ! ill Tf V SNuiS tr i' .:" - I VOUf1G.PRECRin rfLCVN The distribution of birds of prey in the Highlands ut the present day fur nishes n striking object lesson in the effects of protection on any given species, says a writer in Country Life. In the middb' of last century, when game preservation as a source of In come began to be considered an asset of the country, there were few sports men who realized bow easily and quickly any lion-migratory bird could be exterminated. At that period birds of prey were unquestionably too numerous, and game could sen reel y have been expected to flourish under such conditions. Our forfathers, per haps better sportsmen than their de scendants, skilled In all manner of woodcraft and content with small bags obtained by their own unaided efforts, were moro tolerant and for bearing towards the birds and beasts of prey than we have since proved ourselves to be. The rising value of sport, however, marked the com mencement of a relentless warfare against all marauders other than man himself, a warfare which has contin ued to the present day and threatens I to exterminate many of our most in teresting species, which, once van ished, can never be replaced. The position of many of our birds of prey Is a matter of the greatest concern to ornithologists and sportsmen alike, for th"rc are few sportsmen who would knowingly exterminate a spe cie's whose members are already so few as to cause no concern to game preserves. The harm done by the few pairs of eagles, peregrines and buz zards which still survive Is not worth consideration, and the fact that most of their prey is obtained in the deer forests lenders their presence desir uble, rather than otherwise, in many of the latter. Of the British eagles, two species have already vanished, or almost van ished. Kxperlence shows that we cannot hope for migrants to take their place. The sea eagle Is now but rare ly seen on our coasts, and the fishing eagle, the graceful osprey, is no lon ger a familiar feature of our inland lochs. On some lone islet or surf beaten rock an odd pair may survive, but for most of us they are but mem ories of the past, and never again may we watch them as in days gone by. The golden eagle Is the only one remaining to tis. For him alone of his race protection came not In vain. The preservation of this grand species Is the only bright spot In the history of the British eagles. In some districts the king of birds Is actually increas ing; almost everywhere be holds his own. This Is due entirely to the action taken by proprietors to protect the eyries, and to the courteous for bearance shown towards the birds by the great majority of shooting tenants lorbeantneo which Is, unfortunately, not accorded to them In the south, where the appearance of any large bird of prey seems to be regarded as the signal for Its destruction. The buzzard, in appearance closely re sembling the golden eagle when on the wing, though easily distinguished by its smaller size, has in the past suf fered for the sins of its bolder neigh bors, for of all birds of prey this Is the least harmful to game; mice, voles and carrion form its diet, and it is probably quite Incapable of striking down any game-bird on the wing un less the latter Is weakly or wounded. In (light slow and heavy and by na ture a coward, common sense will show us that the character of this species quite belles Its predatory ap peal ante. Yet in spite of these facts, which have been proved times with out number, keepers continue to shoot these harmless birds on their migra tion in autumn, the period when the young birds, driven away by their parents, are seeking iresh quarters. If proprietors would Inc lude buzzards iu their orders for the protection of eagles something might be gained. Of nil our birds of prey, the buzzaid is. at the present moment, most In need (.' protection. Two other species italm our atten tion the kestrel and the n.t both k t r- o YbVNGlL0m-fCRLD.OWL of which the writer has turned out in considerable numbers during the last few years. It is. indeed, a treat fot the bird lover to see these lesser fal cons losing their fear of man day by day, to watch them from the window hunting mice in the meadows below hovering, perhaps, within a few yards of the watcher, then pouncing with lightning swoop on some hapless vide, pausing to devour their prey be fore ones very eyes. To naturalists, the fact that the writer had three kestrels nests under observation in 1 MOM In a small pine wood may be of Interest, as showing that there Is comparatively little antagonism be tween individuals of this charming species. In the case of one of theso the bold behaviour of the adult wuh conspicuous, and the female- would almost allow me to handle her on the nest. It was conjectured that she wan one of those liberated In the prevlotm year; one of a brood which hnd be come exceptionally tame before being released. With certain exceptions the kestrel Is always harmless to gome. In the case of il'J nests out of 100 thfl kestrels will be found to be bringing fur I, e., mice, voles, etc. to the oting, and the benefit thus conferred on farmers is enormous. With merlins this is by no means the case, and young grouse are often the principal food of the family; but at no other period of the year are. they destructive to game. Owing to the fact that they nest on the ground and In the most secluded places they are not easy to locate, and to thin they often owe their safely. The num bers of kestrels In the Hlghlnnds are apparently on the Increase, and It seems now to be generally recognized that they Hie worthy of encourage ment. Both kestrels and merlins are to some extent migratory, and the lat ter seem less able to lend for them selves when the ground Is covered with snow, departing southward at the approach of winter. It is n curi ous fact that grouse are aware that the kestrel U harmless, nnd thyt the cock grouse will boldly attempt to drive the "wind hover " away from nest or br I should the little falcon ap proach too near when hunting for mice. On the approach of the pere giine, however, he crouches close tc the ground, well knowing that no courage will avail him here. A few words In conclusion as to the owls, of which we need only consider three species the tawny, the Irng eared and the short-eared, for the barn-owl, common in the south. Is u tar a avis in the Highlands. The ap pearance of the short-eared owls In autumn marks the approach of win ter, und the regularity with which they arrive at the time of the flight has earned for them the name of the woodcock owl. A few of these remain to breed with us, and In time more may be Induced to follow their ex ample If they are cnrelully protected. GOT HIS MORNING'S HOT MILK. Thoughtful Friend Turned the Trick and Landlady Received Credit for Thoughtfulness. "Living in a bourdlng place is not. without Its objections," confided W. B. McCarthy to bis friend over heir noonday lunch. "For Instance, I'd like some hot milk In the morning. There's no reason why I should have It, health's good and all that, but I've ta ken a fancy to Lot milk for breakfast. When I draw up to the table, I think to myself how nice it would be if 1 Just had a bowl of hot milk. But if I were to ask for it, every boarder In the house would be wauling the same thing. That's the way it goes" in a boarding house. And I don't like to make myself a nuisance to the land lady. The other day I said I'd like some toast. No one else hud thought of such a thing before, but everybody had to have some of my toast when it came In. And there you are." ' Too bad McCarthy can't get n little swallow of hot milk in the morning," thought McCarthy's friend as he sut at his desk that afternoon. "Mebby I can fix things." He reached for the phone and called up McCarthy's land lady. "This Is Mr. McCarthy's physician," he told her. ' 1 wish you would set. to It that lie gets all the hot milk he can drink exery morning. Hive it tc , 111 in Instead of (offee or tea. You see his nerves are iu a bail way, and if be doesn't get hot milk for breakfast we'll have to send him off to a sanitarium Don't say anything to him about in, calling. Just see that he gets that hot milk. Thank you very much," And ever since then, McCarthy hue been drugging about whut a mind reader his landlady is. "Just sort oi knows what I want almost us soos ut I know myself." he says. "Never snw unpthliiK like it." - Cleveland l'lala lah r. KJ