Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (May 1, 1916)
The Commoner VOL. 16, NO. 5 f I (W . r Whether Common or Not Land o' Dreams It Bccmotl a thousand years ago and It was twenty, maybe, And what now seems a fairy Isle won hut a sininlo farm; But, oh, tho rosolit rapture, when in droamlng I remember Tho way tho huddled maples hold tho old house cloeo and warm. Thoro woro doves around the eaves and cattle on tho hillside, And little lambs that nuzzled in the fragrant clover Holds. I remember how wo watchod them in tho purple light, together Strange what a plenteous harvest each deep sown memory yields! And thon tho long, brown, winding road, and you woro gone so swiftly, It Boemed tho night had settled, though tho sun was golden bright; And I have cried you're name aloud quips and bona mots enlivened that frugal repast. They'll not even say whnf hrnnrt of crane Juice was served. Tho sacred confidonco of hospitality shall not bo betrayed by those boys. It is an admirablo attitude they have taken. There is a sturdy inde pendence about it. It may be, too, there's a good bit of prudence in it. Lot us bo frank about this func tion. You well know that at little affairs like this tho guests very often have only the haziest recollections or just what was said. If haled to the witness stand not one of them, per haps, could give what you might call a straight, coherent account of the occasion. At least no two versions, if put in parallel columns, would oven remotely suggest plagarism. No, at these frugal little repasts no body but tho butler could give a plain, intelligible recital of. the wit and humor, the mirth and merriment, that snapped and sparkled and con tributed so much to tho enjoyable about tho presidency of tho United State Steel trust." "No," said Gary; "that place Is being satisfactorily Oiled at present. rcf fho nthiir lob is not being handled just as wo want It, and as we know it would be handled if you were there." wnii ani the Colonel. I m glad wo understand each other." A strange silence fell upon that littlo group of royoterers. They all looked at tho Colonel, waiting for him to proceed. But he sat there, moodily pondering it all. Perhaps tho drama of the situation appealed to him. Finally, when it seemed as if something must pop, the Colonel signaled to tho butler. He spoke in a noarse, inauuiDie wmsyur. xuu., dignitary calmly withdrew only to appear again in an instant, when im perturbably, but withal impressively, ho poured That Long-Delayed Third Cup of Coffee. Bart B. Howard, in St Louis Republic. them an engraving which depicted two small boys standing in a repent ant attitude, "explaining things to mother." The title of the picture was "Tho Truth Tellers," and the children were asked to w'rite a composition thereon. This was little Johnnie's effort: "One day mother left me in the house all alone. Pretty soon Tommy Jones came along and said let's go swimming. My mother won't let me. Ah, come on. So I went. When mother came back she said what makes your hairrso wet. I said mother I can not tell a lie, I went swimming. And she said Johnnie I'm glad you took a bath." Life. Hirm Hint -wan hart hv all. And locked how foolish youth can suitor! ,n n,ft untlor'A breast the secret is as Whon all was still and silent on Bao aB i well a8 if WGre in tho tho kindly arm of night. -and It seoms a thousand years ago it was twenty, maybe, A deathly, deep tranquility of slow years has boon born; But, oh, dear Brushwood Boy of mine, I ask: Do you remember The way I ho sunset deoponod on tho gilded rows of corn? i a. K. Brockman in Southern Woman's Magazine. s Tho Gary Dinner Party This is still a froo country, thank Heaven. So, if Mr. Gary or any other chap wants to gather in a few of his frionds around his simple board and, mayhap, discuss such purely private aiuTporsonal matters as to who ought to bo president, ho certainly has a Tight to do it. And he doesn't have to toll you what ho said or what his friends said. ' Mr. Gary's house is his castle, the same as yours and mino. Of course, the mob, if it wants to, can get up on its hind legs and staro in through the window, but it can't hear what is be ing said. Furthermore, neither Mr. Gary nor his guests are going to be browboaton into telling what merry pockot of our most notorious philan thropist. For what free-born Amer ican reporter, wo should like to know, would have the presumption to ad dress a butler? But if Mr. Gary and his guests are protected in their reticence by the sovereign franchise of citizen- shin, we by tho same token can imagine some of their light frivolous chatter. We can hear Mr. Gary, turning to the guest of honor, inquiro impetuously: "Colonel, how would you like to be our president?" "Frankly, I wouldn't take the job at all. It would seem to mo nothing short of a national calamity," wo hoar tho Colonel reply. It looks like an impasse, as one might say. "I fancy these gentlemen don't quite understand each other," comes a voice In tho gentlo gurglo of the famous Perkins soothing sirup. "And it's quite natural, too, because, you know, wo have so many presidencies to nil that " "I had in mind tho presidency of tho United States," Interrupted Gary. Tho Colonel's yawn disappeared in a twinkling. "Why, I thought you were talking School Children's Ideas Some amusing examples of school children's ideas are provided by re cent examination papers in New York city. Here are a few choice speci mens: In India a man out of a cask may not marry a woman out of another cask. Elaine gave Launcelot an omelet before ho departed for the tourna ment. He succeeded because he had en try price (enterprise). Tennyson wrote "In Memoran dum." Parallel lines are the same dis tance all the way and do not meet anl unless you bend them. An angle is a triangle witn oniy two sides. ' The qualifications for citizenship are that you must be neutral born or made. Gravitation is that which if there were none we should all fly away. Louis XVI. was gelatined during the French revolution. A mountain range is a large sized cook (cooking) stove. Horse power is the distance one horse can carry a pound of water in an hour. Guerrilla warfare is where men ride on guerrillas. Washington POBt. A Long Chase Necessity is the mother of inven tion, and the hungry Frenchman told about in a biography recently published in England illustrates the old adage anew. He was in an English restaurant and wanted eggs for breakfast, but had forgotten the English word. So he got around the difficulty in the following way: "Vaiterre, vat is dat valking in the yard?" "A rooster, sir." "A! and vat you call de rooster's vife?" "The hen, sir." "And vat you call de childrens of de rooster and his vife?" "Chickens, sir." "But vat you call de chicken be fore dey are chicken?" "Eggs, sir." "Bring me two." The Christian Family. Proof Positive By WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN MESSAGES POU THE TIMES i'2mo, boards; each, not, 35c Four eloquent and plcturcsquo deliverances by one of the groat masters of English speech. Thoy are lucid, suggestive, practical, and present a real and accessible standard of both national and individual living. Tnn MESSAGE PROM DBTHLEniSM A plea for tho world-wide adoption of the spirit of the angels' song Good-wi'l to Men." The context and import of this great principle has never been more understanding set forth. Net, 35c. THE UOYAIi ART A lucid exposition of Mr. Bryan's views concerning the alms and ideals of righteous government. Net, 35c THH MAKING OP A MAN A faithful tracing of the main lines to be followed If the crown of manhood is to bo attained. Net, 35, TUB PRINCE OP PEACE Mr. Bryan's famous lecture delivered ere now In the hearing of tens of thousands. In its present form it enters on a& enlarged sphere of u2 fulness. Net, 35c. TlIE PRUITS OP TIIE TIUC1 "Either for tho reinvlgoratlon of the faith of the relirions man . the dissipation of tho doubts of the Irreligious man, this little vSiS T l2 a document of power." Continent Net, 35c volume it L mmmmm i. j. 'flsfifr Ft New York Chicago FLEMING H. RBVHLL COMPANY, London am K&iabarglt Teroato Good Judge of Booms "A month or so ago I met Senator Sherman, of Illinois, on the street one day and I congratulated him on his presidential boom," said Senator Simmons, of North Carolina. "He appeared astonished that I knew any thing about it. But I told him that I had a keen nose for booms, even for little ones. I explained that I was a good deal like a little urchin I know of back home. "This little child used to call on a certain old lady who lived in my neignDornooa, ai iNewoern, every Saturday afternoon. As a usual thing she would give the child a piece of cocoanut layer cake. But one Sat urday, as she expected company for tea, sho decided not to cut the cake, and therefore none was offered to the urchin. " 'I believe I smell cocoanut cake, said the urchin plaintively, as the time came for him to go. "The old woman laughed, went to the cupboard, and cut him a very tiny slice. When she gave it to him, ho thanked her and said: " 'Ain't it funny that I could smell such a little piece?' "-Washington correspondence of the Louisville Courier-Journal. The teacher had been giving a reading on the anatomy of the body. "Now, you see," she said, as she closed her book and laid it on the table, "the trunk is the middle part of the body. You understand that, don't you?" All the children except one chor used, "Yes, ma'am." "You understand it, too?" asked the teacher of the little boy who had not spoken with the others. "It ain't so, ma'am," answered little Stephen. "Why, my dear child," said teach er, in astonishment, "what do you mean?" "Well," replied-the boy, earnestly, "you ought to go to the circus and see the elephant. Jdarp.ers iviaga-zine. The Weight of Numbers Malachi O'Rourke, a familiar char acter in Chicago, had occasion to ap pear before a police magistrate to answer a charge of larceny. After hearing the testimony of two witness es, who said they saw Malachi take the goods, the judge said: "Well, Malachi, I think you're guilty?" . "An' what makes your honor think that?" asked the Celt. "These two men, who say they saw you take the goods." "An' is that all?" asked Malachi, in surprise, "Why, your honor, I can bring two hundred men who will swear they didn't see me take the goods." Case and Comment. Virtue Rewarded The teacher had told the pupils the story of Washington and his lit tle hatchet, and had then shown The Hatred of Publicity Some people hate publicity Ulc the young Detroit man. He wafl dressed in a tight fitting suit of th latest cut, and his whole costume was a dream of sartorial Refinement. And he was plainly embarrassed when he entered the editor's office. "I was intensely shocked to read a notice in your paper of my engaga- Wmmmmm .- . Jl i..TT?x . -UT OWPWi 4.