'f 'j,p!1W
The Commoner
&.
30
and dipping his hands in the copious
stream which flowed out, he dashed
on the stage, followed by a roar from
the smitten one, just in time with the
words: "I have done the deed. Did
you not hear a noise?" Indianapolis
News.
said the English beauty. "I, cannot
understand why our noblemen take
a fancy to your white faces."
"It isn't our white faces that at
tract them, my dear," said' the
heiress. "It's our greenbacks."
Lippincott'st
Whether Common or Not
'
rf-
j Father
) He wnH not tho kind of a father that
you read about In books,
J-Ho wasn't long on language and ho
wasn't strong on looks,
He was not the sort of a father you
A hear about In plays,
itMQ was Just a human father with a
human father's ways.
No, he never balked at working, but
when ho wan through It once,
Right down to the grass was father,
with tho children, doing stunts.
All of us would pile up on him and
he'd welcome all tho pack,
But I'm wondorlng, after play time,
did wo stay there on his back?
Wnon't ofcnnfr nn rl tuulrtn f Irtri anlrl Ilia
,j FT won v ntiunc vr.l u.u.ui.w., uuiu ...
"gambol on the green"
Fi Was to fill tho platter faster than the
Ifc 11 sir nniit1 llrtlr If nlnnn
ll 1.11 U UU.Vb UCDI. &U1I1U W IIUCVI Ul
was an equal one to beat;
It was kooplng leather covers up to
tho supply of feet.
Always on the job was father, plug
ging steady-like and strong,
Never making any noise, but helping
all his little world along.
And to think! Lord! ain't it funny you
can see things years and years
And yet never know you've seen them,
till your eyes are blind with tears.
Quit his job one day and left us,
smiling as ho wont away;
Eulogy seoms all so foolish. "What
can anybody say?
Seemed like even in his leaving he
W wnn Rfivincr Hnmennn hnthnr.
otw w m--u Hw w w w -",
For
the one word on the granite
which lies over him is "Father."
Edmund Vanco Cooke.
A Startling Verdict
They were talking about remark
able verdicts that had been returned
by Jurists in different parts of the
country the other night, when Con
gressman Richard W. Austin of
Tennessee, related a recent happen
ing In a country court.
The jury in a capital case had
listened to the learned charge of the
judge and solemnly retired. Two
hours later they filed slowly back in
charge of a constable, and great was
the feeling of suppressed excitement
in the close court room.
"Gentlemen of the jury," said the
sombre judge, breaking a silence that
was almost painful in Its intensity,
"have you agreed on a verdict?"
"Yes, your honor," was the impres
sive response of the foreman, "the
jury are all of one mind temporary
Insanity." Philadelphia Telegram.
Equal to the Emergency
Macbeth was the play, which had
reached the thrilling point where
Macbeth goes off to murder the king.
On arriving behind the scenes the
villain of the piece looked about for
the blood In which to dip his hands.
Not finding it, he summoned the
stage manager, who had forgotten to
prepare it. What waB to be done?
The time had come for him to reap
pear on the stage. Suddenly, with
admirable presence of mind, he smote
the manager's nose with all his force,
FOR SALE
Improved Texas Farm
OFFER for Sale 240 acres of
land, three miles from Mission.
Texas, on the Rio Grande, 200
acres are cleared and under irriga
tion. The improvements, consist
ing of a $2500.00 house with
barns, fences, etc., have cost over
$5,000.00. Easy terms will be
given on deferred payments. I
would not care to sell to anyone
unless purchaser makes a personal
examination of the property. Ap
ply to owner for price and terms.
an, Lincoln,
i
What Is Carnegie Noted For?
Answers from papers submitted by
pupils in a recent New York regents'
examination in elementary United
States history.
He invented: wireless telegraphy,
carriages, reaper, sleeping car, steam
laundry, Atlantic cable, bicycle, medi
cine, railroad, wagons, typewriter,
printing press, screwdriver, steam
propeller, electric light, threshing
machine, wheel-rake, harrow, airship,
electric car, levees along Mississippi
river.
. He was: a general in the Spanish
American war, a British spy, Secre
tary of War, governor, an orator,
president of the Northern Pacific
It. It., first man to sail to China with
ship and crew.
He found that steam had power,
discovered an 'anesthetic, startel for
Europe to get help for the South, be
came wealthy by manufacturing glue,
urged congress to. annex Hawaii, and
wrote a book.
He is: the best after-dinner
speaker in America, a.phylonsiphith,
a phynopsis, a thanatopsis, the head
of the weather bureau, an auto
speeder, a steel magnet, the head of
the steej, trust, and trains wild ani
mals. The History Teacher's Magazine
On the Way Back
A certain haunted house down in
Georgia was held in terror by all the
negroes in the vicinity except Sam,
who bravely declared that for $2 he
would sleep there all night. A purse
was raised and Sam was told to carry
out his end of the bargain and call
in the morning for the money. When
morning came no trace could be
found of Sam the house contained
nothing but evidence of a hurried
departure. A search party was or
ganized, but without result.
Finally, four days late, Sam cov
ered with mud, came slowly walking
down the road.
"Hi, dere, nigger!" yelled a by
stander, "where's you been de las' fo
days?"
To which Sam curtly responded:
"Ah's been comin back." Every
body's Magazine.
Winter Resort
Mr. Burbank gathered a bouquet
of violets one brilliant morning" in
December in Santa Rosa, and re
marked: "Why do so many of our mis
guided people shiver and cough on
the Riviera in the winter when they
might bask here in white linen under
the palms?
"The Riviera reminds me of the
man who opened a boarding house at
Saranac lake and advertised it as a
winter resort.
"A guest went up there, and, after
a brief sojourn packed up, paid his
bill, and said:
" 'How can you have the nerve to
advertise this place as a winter re
sort when the thermometer for the
last week has registered 8 below?"
"The landlord looked aggrieved.
"Well, that's winter, ain't it?' he
exclaimed. 'If 8 below ain't winter,
I'd like to know what fs.' " Los
Angeles Times.
Wanted to Get It Right
A traveling salesman died sudden
ly and was taken to his home in the
west. His relatives telephoned the
nearest florist, some miles distant, to
make a wreath; the ribbon -should be
extra wide, with the inscription
"Rest in Peace" on both sides; and,
if there was room, "We Shall Meet
in Heaven."
The florist was away, and his new
assistant handled the- job. It was a
startling floral piece which turned up
at the funeral. The ribbon was extra
wide and bore this inscription:
"Rest in Peace on Both Sides, and
If There Is Room We Shall Meet in
Heaven." Lippincott's.
A Great Moral Question
Two colored men were on an ex
pedition to the colonel's hen roost
one dark night. Mose had planted
the ladder, climbed up to where the
chickens were roostiffg and was pass
ing them down to Ephraim, who was
putting them in a bag. Suddenly
Mose stopped.
"What's da mattah, Bruddah
Mose?" inquired Ephriam anxiously.
xs just oeen thlnkin'," Bruddah
upuraim, "now me and you is mem
bahs ub de church, an' wedder it's
right to take de cunnel's chickens'"
"Brudder Mose," said Ephraim,
dat am a great moral question which
you an' me ain't fit ter wrastle wid.
Pass down anudder chicken." At
lanta Constitution.
Young America's Retort
An English girl while visiting
friends in Boston had become very
friendly with a society belle there
and was invited to her home to tea
one afternoon.
They conversed on general topics
lor a time, then the conversation
took a more personal turn.
"You American girls have not such
healthy complexions as we have "
Its Meaning.
There is on the South Side of Chi
cago a summer amusement park
named, from the French words "free
from care," "Sans Souci Park,"
Two young men passed this park
on a street car recently. One of them
evidently was a stranger in the city,
and his friend was showing ' him
about.
Said the stranger: "What does
Sans Souci mean?" - - -.
His friend readily replied: "It's
from the Spanish, and means I
should worry.' " Everybody's.
His Lesson Learned
A darkey had been tried and found
guilty of murder, and was sentenced
to be hung. The time set for the
execution had arrived, ami th oAn.
demned negro was led to the scaffold.
Rastus," said the sheriff, "have
you anything to say before the sen
tence of the law is carried into exe
cution." "No. boss," replied the prisoner,
I am t no speechifier, but I suttenly
believes dis am gwine to be a lesson
to me." Philadelphia Telegraph.
Had Father Guessing
Visitor: "So your boy is in col
lege, is he, Mr. Corntossle?"
Farmer: "I can't say exactly.
Hes in their football eleven, an' in
their rowin' crew, an in their jim
manyzeeum, an' in their dormytory:
but whether he's ever in their col
lege is more'n I kin find out by hia
letters." Exchange.
Tho Record Mean Man
The meanest man on record is said
to be a farmer who iIva in Trn
I He sold his son-in-law one-half a cow
USSSSSfsmsmmm
VJMMHRtfBMtfjfcMHUMBfc&M