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The Commoner.
ISSUED WEEKLY.
WlM.IAM J. HHYAK
. Editor nntl Proprietor.
JUcirAitn I. MrtcaIiPK
A:oclnto Editor.
OltAHMCS W. JJllYAN
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The Commoner.
Oklahoma seems to have disregarded tho
advice to postpone statehood. The people feel
tho same way about tariff revision.
The land fraud thieves and other grafters
are quite anxious to have the laws revised by
the friends of land frauds and graft.
The king of Denmark has a collection of
eggs worth $125,000. He must have three or
- four industrious hens in his barnyard.
Tf vnnr favorite ball team did not win the
1907 pennant, just remember that there is every
probability that it will win the 1908 pennant.
The casualties of a meeting of the board
of directors of the Illinois Central are still be
low the average of accidents on the railroads.
THE COMMONER, L'ncqln, Nob.
Ah, t.iere, Mayor Busse,'(lid you hear' any
thing drop when the new charter went down?
Those Oklahoma voters seem to have been
..-.bent on rough riding over a lot of rough riders.
Solomon was a very "wise man, but he
couldn't think of such a nice word as "affinity."
Here's a political straw: Congressman
Burton is still holding on to his congressional
jolS.
"What an woeful lot of "undesirable citi
zens'' there must be in that brash young state
of Oklahoma.
, Madame Eames says the Americans are ' a
musical people. Our dollars do ring musically
atvthe box office.
Mr. Taft set sail on FridayAhe 13th. But
will he have the nerve to debark when tho cal
endar shows "23?"
"Genius is erratic," declares the brother of
Artist Barle. But that ic no reason why it
should also be indecent.
Perhaps the "sleeping sickness" can be
prevented by the Injection of the virus of "re
vise the tariff by its friends."
Mr. Bonaparte denies that he will resign.
Tsi An, T. C. Piatt, C. M. Depew and Mr. Bona
parte have formed the non-resignation quartet.
It is fortunate for Secretary Taft that he
sailed beforo he heard from Oklahoma. The
blow may spend some of its force in crossing
the Pacific.
The news from Oklahoma will be waiting
for Mr. Taft when he lands at Manila. The
Oklahoma constitution has been taken care of
by its friends.
The oil trust has consented to make some
of its business transactions public. But the
high officials continue to demand the services
of the family physicians.
So far $84,000,000 has been spent on, the
Isthmus of Panama by Uncle Sam, and 'it is
estimated that the work is one-tenth accom
plished. Now figure a little bit.
Other tariff protected trusts will be "fined"
just as soon as the national campaign opens,
But it will not be called a "fine." It will be
called "protecting the national honor."
Congressman Burton declares that he will
receive no campaign contributions from public
seryice corporations. Let's see. "Wasn't there
something like that promulgated in 1904?
The Chicago papers that helped to bunco
the people into the defeat of Mayor Dunne,
found their victims too sore to be buncoed into
tho acceptance of the new city charter.
There are so iimny fatal railroad accidents
these days that one is forced to believe that a
road drag would be of some service in putting
the railroads in a safer condition for travel.
The administration's legal department is
determined to, have Senator Borah's trial fair
and just. He is entitled to exactly the same
consideration "that he showed for "William D.
Haywood.
The president has warned employes in the
classified departments not to become too active
in politics. The' cabinet officers should take
warning. The people have them classified, all
right, all right. '
The new Singer building in New York will
be forty-two stories high. That seems to be
striking a rather high note.
Secretary Taft is now on the high seas,
and Senator Foraker is preparing to play a low
seize on him during his absence.
Our minister to Liberia has presented Sec
retary Loeb an elephant's tail. , But can Secre
tary Loob get ahead with that?
Perhaps Mr. "Wellman has decided to post
pone that north pole expedition until after tho
tariff has been revised by its friends.
Lightning struck Uncle Joe. Cannon's barn
the other day. The presidential lightning rod
on Uncle Joe's house is still untouched. ,
The "great postponer" will doubtless be
pn:ned to learn that all of the democrats and
a large percentage of the republicans rejected
his advice regarding the postponement of .state
hood for Oklahoma.
"Eyery barrel has a bung," remarks an In
diana exchange. Correct, and the gentlemen in
charge of the republican barrel are reaming out
tho bunghole in anticipation of an increased de
mand for supplies. x
A Methodist minister holds up Mr. Rocke
feller and- Mr. Carnegie as examples of patience
and hard labor. To be sure. Haven't we been
patient with them? And haven't we worked
hard enough to make them rich?
It was a delicate compliment that the cap
tain of the Minnesota paid Secretary Taft in
"postponing" departure for three days. It is
also reported that the Philippine assembly will
"postpone" the day of convening to accommodate
the "great postponer."
We will not know whether the Cleveland
municipal election has any bearing on national
politics until it is decided whether Johnson or
Burton wins. If Burton wins it is a dead sure
thing that the election is of national signifi
cance, viewed from the standpoint of an ad
ministration organ. "
Paragraphic Punches
Sometimes it seems that a professorship in
a university is a license to say foolish things
Toledo Blade.
If they decide to change the title of tho
secretary of war they might call him the Na
tional Trouble Wagon. -Baltimore Sun.
Despite all the notoriety he gained in Eng
land, Newport has not yet nominated Mark
Twain for president. Philadelphia Inquirer.
Harriman's new home is to be a mile abovo
sea level. Hope he'll enjoy it for there's another
waiting him that is not so elevated. Madison
Democrat.
"Uncle Joe" Cannon is said to be making
a noise like a presidential candidate, but so far
he hasn't rescued a girl or pitched any hay.
Detroit Free Press.
Queen "Wilhelraina has conferred the Order
of Orange of Nassau on Andrew Carnegie. Ho
received the Order of the Pittsburg Lemon long
years ago. Baltimore Sun.
Archaeologists think they have found tho
bones of Pocahontas, the first woman to inter
fere with a men's club. Myriads of imitators
may honor the bones. Brooklyn Eagle.
Korea is just across the channel from Ja
pan. This resemblance to England and Ireland
may indicate to Japanese statesmen the size of
the job ahead. St. Louis Globe-Deniocrat.
London Punch says that Germany will soon
steal Brazil. This is qne of those deep, English
jokes that you have to read over several times
before getting a laugh. Cleveland Leader.
"California," says the Los Angeles Ex
press, "has turned out the champion grafter."
And here we have-"been supposing, California,
that you locked him up. Topeka Journal.
It seems that John D. Rockefeller has never
really known whether his money was tainted, his
attention being wholly centered upon the fact
that it was easy. -Louisville Courier-Journal.
)
Mississippi has sued the oil trust for $1,
480,000 for alleged violation of the state anti
trust law. We know what Chancellor Day
thinks of Mississippi. Chicago Record-Herald.
Mark Twain declares he has grown seven
years younger since he visited England and re
ceived that Oxford degree. Growing suddenly
young by degrees is a remarkable achievement.
Kansas City Journal.
Now that the American government has
been thanked for aiding the Kingston earth
quake sufferers, President Roosevelt's apology
to Judge Parker may be looked for at any mo
ment. Washington Herald.
Professor Starr's theory that children
should go entirely nude until ten years of age
will be taken under advisement. In the mean
time the public hopes the time will come when
Chicago professors will be clothed and in their
right mind. Kansas City Journal.
An offender who has got perhaps $25 is
fined the whole amount; and it is, an example.
A corporate offender that has accrued hundreds
of millions by the offense is .fined $29,000,000;
and it is martyrdom. Human logic gets muddled
sometimes. Pittsburg Dispatch.
With labor on the ffee list and immigra
tion pouring in at the rate of 1,500,000 a year,
it ought not to be long before wage conditions
in Europe and the United States will be equal
ized. The American workingman, however, is
being protected against cheap goods and low
prices. Milwaukee News.
An American girl is to wed an Italian duko,
who, according 0 her father, has no bad habits
and no debts. This sounds, too good to be true,
and we can not help suspecting that there is a
bogus phase to the title somewhere. For an
American heiress to marry an estimable noble
man would be breaking all precedents. Balti
more American. ,