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The Commoner.
13
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The Old Songs
Bweet bo tigs of old! How memory
brings
Their music back to me
JJntil each bell of heaven rings
'Salvation full and free
Joy to the world," the music sweet
Has filled a million souls,
And marked the' time for marching
feet
To where old Jordan rolls.
?I need Thee ev'ry hour," for I
Oft weary by the way;
&nd "while the years are rolling by"
Thou art my guide and stay.
?Abide with me" through calm and
stress,
Protect me by Thy might;
My weak and falt'ring footsteps bless
With Thine own "Kindly Light."
ffhe dear old songs! Their echoes
fill
The quiet evening air;
They bid me bear life's load until
"There'll be no sorrow there."
"By cool Siloam's shady rill"
Whose waters floweth free,
Lead me each day and night until
"Nearer, my God, to Thee."
And when "on Jordan's stormy
banks"
My feet shall stand at last;
When I shall see the ransomed ranks
From whom all care is cast,
s"0 there may I, though vile as he"
Christ did that day behold,
JThe city's walls of jasper see
And walk its streets of gold.
Cautious
. "Say, Bjorkins; I've got an aw
fully good story about that bird dog
of mine. TJhe other day I took him
out into the woods, and he flushed
t "
"Wait a minute, old man. I'd like
to hear that story, but you know
we've got to be careful these days."
"What do you mean? Just as the
dog flushed "
"Yes, I know! But has this story
of yours been properly investigated
by -the constituted authority?"
'What authority? This is my
Btory. Just as the dog flushed "
"Sorry, old man; but if you want
me to listen to that dog story you'll
have to write it out, send it down
to Washington and get the proper
'O. K.' on it. I'm not going to be
open to the charge of lese majeste
by putting myself in the position of
assisting any nature fakirs. Ta, ta,
old man, until you hear from headquarters."
,
Nature Stories
- The Neverquit Publishing Co. au
thorizes the announcement of the fpl
t lowing books devoted to "nature
Btories:"
"Bucking the Tiger,", by William
Travers Jerome.
"The Kitty," by John W,l Gates.
"Rats," by. Secretary Mclntyre of.
the United Typothetae of North
North America.
'"Sudkers and Other J?Ish,"- by Ed
ward H. Harriman.
''Taming the Elephant," by Theo
. dore Roosevelt.
"The Willipus Wallupus, and the
Necessity of Protecting It," by Nel-
son W. Aldrich.'
v "The Disappearing Hare," by John
p. Rockefeller.
:
' Amended
VWe must have confidence in the
' people," said the old-fashjoned man
(who was joining with his fellows in
a big financial enterprise.
M0, you've! got it Tvron&" sneered
the up-to-date fimmcicr. "What you
mean is that wmust confidence the
people in."
,The old-fashioned man being in the
minority the amendment was adopted.
Bright Hopes
"Our baby Is goln to be one o' them
big financiers," remarked Mrs. Sim
plisslmug. "What makes you think so?" asked
the proud father.
"He's got an ache caused by 'swal
lowing the string that I tied to his
rattle, and if that ain't a case of un
digested securities I don't know nothhi'
about this financial game."
Modern Definitions
Society Copy for space writers
on sensational newspapers.
Banquet An opportunity to over
load the stomach and unload the
mind.
Bargain Sale The feminine gen
der of football.
Fakir A term sometimes used as
a reproach on a man who knows
more than we do about a subject
we boast of knowing all about.
Governor A necessary part of a
stationary engine that some politi
cians have a mistaken notion they
can get along without.
Salary -The money received by a
man who is either elected to public
office or holds a job that he had to
hunt hard for.
Wages The money received by a
workman whose services are worth
the price.
Usual Cose
"Hello, Binks! You're looking
awfully run down, old man. You
really ought to take a vacation."
"Huh! I'm just getting back from
it. That's what's the matter with
me."
Alas
O, what a lot of good we've missed
Of natural history;
O, what a lot of things are clothed
In darkest-mystery!
And what a lot of things' are dark
That really- should be light
Because the grizzlies and bobcats
Have never learned to write.
. Qualified
"Why do you claim to be an au
thority on wild animals?"
"I married, a woman who isn't
afraid of a mouse."
The Month of Roses
June,
moon;
above,
love!
bliss;
kiss!
We've been awfully busy this
week and did not have time to write
,it. The outline prepared, however,
will assist the reader in making up a
good'one.
Brain Leaks
Envy never shoots her darts at
little men.
Ice cream wouldn't be half so good
ifit cost nothing.
Those who have' suffered know
how to sympathize.
When politics Is "rotten" good
men are to blame.
"Court" plaster quickly mends
some broken hearts.
The man who spends all of his
time mourning for lost opportunities
will never stand much show of grasp
ing oho.
Polished fingernails aro not always
the sign of a polished mind.
The creator a man grows the big
ger the target he offers for the shafts
of envy.
When a congregation grows sleepy
it Is a sign that the preacher needs
waking up.
The average mother dreads tho
day when school is dismissed for tho
summer vacation.
You never see a man without a
fault until just before he is taken to
his last resting place.
A good neighbor is tho one who
will let all tho children in tho block
play on her front porch.
About half tho stories told are not
worth tolling, and most of thoBe that
are worth it are spoiled in the telling.
'The season is at hand .for discus
sion of "sane" Fourth of July cele
brations. A "sane" celebration
would not bo worth while.
Tho wise assessor will ask a man
to schedule his possessions Just when
ho is in the middle of moving his
household goods to a now"location.
Some people pray in a tone of
voice that would Indicate that they
thought they wero doing tho Al
mighty a favor by letting Him know
what He could do for them.
The average man never realizes
what his wife has to endure until ho
agrees to stay at home a couple of
days and attend to the children while
his wife makes a short visit to her
folks.
The way to make a friend of 'a
man is to listen with sympathetic
ear when ho tells you that he is just
recovering from tho worst case of
sickness his family doctor over
handled.
When we want to read romething
particularly funny we pick up some
"household magazine" and read an
article on "how to build a modest
cottage for $6,000," or peruse tho
"menus for the month" written es
pecially for "workingmen." The av
erage workingman who tried to fol
low out one of these "menus for the
month" would find his monthly sal
ary exhausted about Thursday of the
first week.
A STRONG MAN
In the sixteenth century there
lived a remarkably strong man, a
French major named Barsabas, One
day he took up an anvil weighing
500 pounds and hid it under his
coat. He could crush between his
fingers the limbs of big animals.
One day, seeing a crowd looking at
ansenormous dancing bear, he offered
to wrestle with the animal. Tho
major threw the bear down several
times, and, 'judging it unworthy of
further struggles, slew tho animal
with his fist and carried it away on
his shoulders amid the cheers of
the crowd. Another day, seeing
several officers of his regiment sur
rounded by an angry crowd, he ran
to them, knocking people down right
and left as a child does with a pack
of cards. The crowd, exasperated,
turned round on him, but, seizing
two of his assailants one with each
hand, he used them as clubs on the
crowd who, astonished at his extra
ordinary display of strength, quickly
drew back. Once he squeezed to
pulp the hand of a man who wanted
to fight him. Barsaba's sister was
also remarkable for her strength.
Some burglars entered a convent
where she was. She threw one out
of the window and killed two others
with' a pillar she tore down and used
as a club.. Baltimore Sun.
WHAT IT LEADS TO
Thomas F. Ryan promptly denies
any dickering by him for a seat in
the United States senate from Vir
ginia. The Wall Street road may
lead to political influence but not
political eminonce. Baltimore Sun.
y n.i.i
3?? lms"Erw3p t. rtsaipil
.l.lWtr.WHMHlH.B.C. Ettrt.im
It la tho best policy li older 'a com
pany In tho United States.
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Irwff
MR; METCALFE'S BOOK
"OF SUCH IS
THE KINGDOM"
And Other Stories from Life
NOW READY FOR DELIVERY
JOHN M. HARLAN, Associate Justice, Untied
Sutci Supreme Court: ' Your little book, 'Of Such
if the Kingdom,' has been read by me with mors
than ordinary interctt. Indeed, I have read It
through twice. No one can read thest stories from
life without both intereit arid profit, or without hav
ing a higher conception of hu duty to God and to
hit fcllowraan."
Cloth bound, printed from clear typo on
heavy paper, gilt Bido and back stamps. 200
paces. Sent prepaid on receipt of $1.00.
Addreaa
RICHARD L. METCALFE
Cara The Commoner LINCOLN, NEER.
Jefferson's Bible
The Life and Morals of
JESUS OF NAZARETH
Extracted Textual! frm the Go pel , together with
a comparison of his doctrine Kith those of othera.
By THOMAS JEFFERSON
Jefferson's mutton was leadership. Without
an effort on his part expressions from his Iipj
that from other men's would scarcely have at
traded notice, became thenceforth axioms,
creeds, and gathering-cries of great manes of hi
countrymen. Henry S. Randall.
Jefferson's BiUe is a Wok f 168 pces, well
twisted aad MSMtaBtisHy bound in cloth. ftwac
published oriiaUy to be sold for $1.09 per
ePf' By pwrcfeaskig the bokia large nBHibenr
we as able te offer Commetur readers mh
cepdesal price of 7Sc per copy; seat by ta2,
postage prepaid.
ADDRESS ALL ORDERS TO
THE COMMONER, LINCOLN, NEBRASKA
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