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PEBRTJABX 22, 1907
The Commoner.
15
$
to you for five pounds. Be saving, of
course, and when you do make u bar
gain with any one, be sure no one
hears, you, and then if, you got (lie
.worst of it, and wrtnt to back out you
can.
Hughes thought a second and then
said:.
"Did any one hear you make this
bargain?"
"Not a soul," replied Jackson..
"Well then," was the prompt an
swer, "I think I'll begin on you."
Cardiff Times.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS
"A lady on a sultry summer after
noon called on some friends," said a
lecturer. "The talk buzzed along
briskly, fans waved, and the daughter
of the -house kept twitching uncom
fortably, frowning and making little
sniother'ed exclamations of annoyance.
Finally, with an impatient sigh, she
rose and left the room.
" 'Your daughter,' said the visitor,
'seems to be suffering from the heat.'
" 'No laid the hostess. 'She is just
back "home from college, and she is
'suffering from the family grammar'.' "
Milwaukee Sentinel.
DON'T SLAM THE DOOR
B. H. Sothern had received the actor
in his dressing room because he was
extremely anxious to replace a certain
member of his company with a
stronger and more versatile player.
The applicant, too, was anxious but
he had heard that the members of the
Sothern-Marlowe company were very
highly paid and he believed that to
name anything but a figure double
that he had ever received before would
but cheapen him in Mr. Sothern's es
timation, and, perhaps, cost him the
chances for a very desirable engagement.
LITTLE CAP'N HOBSON
(With amends to the creator of "Lit
tle Orphan Annie.")
Little Can.!n Hobson 's coming to
Washington to stay,
An' make his- yaller speeches an'
draw a statesman's pay;
'An' sboo-the peace dove off the perch,
an' .make your ilesh to creep,
And send out seeds an' answer mall,
an' earn his board an' keep;
'An' all us other people, when the
breakfast things is done,
Can road the mornin' paper an' ;hayet
the mostest fun '; '
A-lis'nin' to the war scares the jGap'n
tells about
An' the Hobson-uns '11 git 3rou
. Ef
.h-y m-ou. -..
4K5-. -'' "', tlon'tv V;.-:--
"r ' ' watch
out! ,-' '"
Onc't there was a little boy, his name
was Uncle Sam;
He had a nofful muscle, an' a fist
jest like a ham,
But the Germans heard his holler, an'
the John Bulls heard. him bawl,
An' when they hunted for him, he
wasn't there at all;
They seeUed him at the north pole, an'
seeked him eas' and wes' ;
An' all around the tropics, an' every-
where, I guess,
But a great big Jap had got him, an'
shoved him" up the spout
.An' the Hobson-uns '11 git you
. ' Ef
you
don't
watch
out!
'An' little Cap'n Hobson says, when
the blaze burns bine, ,
An' the banquet lamp-light-splutters
an' the wind goes woo-o-o-o;
An' you li&lr the cabbies qiiittin', an'
the moon is turnin' gray,
An' tile. Washin'ton reporters are
a-sondhV news away,
You 'd bettor watch the Jappy, who 's
a-creepin' near an' near,
An' build a mighty navy, though it
does come offul dear,
'An' make jobs for sea experts, who. is
everywhere about
" Er theTIobsSn-uns '11 git you
, "Ef
yoii
' '". don't
y ' watch
out!
. By the writer of "Center Sh6ts" m
the Denver Republican.
-. : : I
ONLY ONE OBJECTION
Some sago, said that "life wpuld be
tolerable if it were not for its'amuse
ments." Many people give most cor
dial assen to, thi dictum. jStO objec
tion can justly be made to it, except
that it is not true. London Saturday
Be view.
"How much would yoi want to tako
up threo parts; one each in 'Jeanne
D'Arc,' 'The Sunken Bell' and 'John,
the Baptist?' asked Mr. Sothern, busy
with his paint pots.
The visitor, in a flash of bravado,
named a price even more exorbitant
than he had previously fixed upon.
"Don't slam the door when you go
out, will you?" was Sothern's only Te
ply, made without his even turning
from tho make-up table. . . i
Here is a new reply for anything not
wanted. S6 are trite American phrases'
in expressive slang originated. "Don't
slam the door." Kansas City (Mo.)
Post. I
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I am familiar
with Ridpath's
History of the
World, and
commend it to
the scholar as
well as to the
plain people.
Win. McKinley
I iteem Rid
palh't HUtory of
the World of very
great value, and
hope it will fmda
place generally in
the libraries of our
schools, at well a.
upon the shelves
of reader, in eveiy
walk of life.
Jefferion Davit
THE COMMONER Readers are Offered an Exceptional Opportunity
To placin your homes The World-Famed Publication
Ridpath's History of the World
Tho publishers' failure places tho entire unsold edition in our hands. Brand now, down to dato, including tho Peace
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Here is your opportunity to secure Ridpath's History of the World at the lowest price ever offered and on easy
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9 Massive royal octavo volumes, encyclopaedia sire, II in. tall, 8 in. wide, 2 in. thick, weighs 55 lbs., 4,000 double-column pages, 2,000 superb illustrations
1T IDPATH takes you back to the dawn of history, long before the Pyramids of Egypt were built; down through the romantic, troubled
W times of Chaldcas grandeur and Assynas magnificence; of Babylonia s wealth and luxury; of Greek and Roman splendor; of
Mohammedan culture and refinement; of French elegance and British power; to the rise of the Western world, including
the complete history of the United States and all other nations down to the -close of the Russia-Japan war.
YHfe IDPATH'S enviable position as on historian is due to his wonderfully beautiful style, a style no other historian has ever
wHE equaled. He pictures the great historical events as though they were happening before your eyes; he carries you with
tE him to see the battles of old; to meet kings and queens and warriors; to sit in the Roman Senate; to march
against Saladin and his dark-skinned followers; to sail the southern seas with Drake; to circumnavigate the globe with
Magellan; to watch that thin line of Greek spearmen work havoc with the Persian hordes on the field of Marathon;
to know Napoleon as you know Roosevelt. He combines absorbing interest with supreme reliability, and makes
the heroca-of history real living men and women, and about them he weaves the rise and fall of empires in
such a fascina.ting style, that history becomes as absorbingly interesting as thegreatest of fiction.
V" IDPATH S History is strongly endorsed by Presidents Harrison, Cleveland, and McKinley, Jefferson
rC Davis; Lew Wallace, John L. Stoddard, Bishop Vincent, Dr. Cuylcr, Kabbi Hirsch, Presidents of
Ann Hii.Ln.- An.l.nrrt Rrnufn D rmrll Tl Tllf0 TVllllfV R."Jtl fVll YlV RtTll f h . VniWjr. I 9 lf H n f I
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w lDl'Aln is conceded the ureateat History ever written, iz is me oniy gen-
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