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The. Commoner.
VOLUME" 6, NUMBER ft
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Things That Sometimes Happen
Tho big man was using language
that was not seonily, and consterna
tion was written on the countenances
of a number near lilm. But no one
dared to romonstrato with tho big
follow, and ho continued to talk.
Finally the little man stepped up
and said:
"ThaUsort o talk must stop."
"Who'll stop me?" . queried the .big
manr 'luBOienuy.
? will," hissed tho little man.
Then the trouble began.
No, you are mistaken. Tho lit'cle
man didn't last one round.
The first day of real spring weather
BImberly came home with a lot of
garden tools on his shoulder and his
pockets bulging with seeds.
"We are going to have a fine garden
this year," said Bimborly. "I'm tired
of eating stale vegetables."
BImberly worked like a Trojan for
several days, and then rested.
Didn't keep it up?
Of course you are quite sure that
BImberly fooled them all thiq time
and forgot to keep up his garden.
Well, he did.
The little dog had a .bad habit of
running out and snapping at the heels
of the big mastiff that occasionally
trotted past. The mastiff paid.no at
tention for several days, contenting
himself with passing by with disdain.
But tho little dog ran out once to
often.
or-rub' me inuHtilt approaching the
little dog made a dash, and then
something happened.
No, tho mastiff just trotted ahead.
The little dog didn't see tho ice wag
on .and ran squarely under the
wheols.
But the wheels missed, and before
the little dog could get straightened
out the mastiff had disappeared.
don't forget." to close tho door after
you when you go out," said the man
ager. Realizing that something had gone
wrong, and not knowing just what
It was, the youth with the bulging
brow wended his way homeward .to
read the story over again.
Too Busy' ,
"I never "took a vacation In my
life," boast,ed the man of millions.
"Well, that's about all you haven't
taken," replied the man who -had
jusC-had a business experience with
the millionaire.
Lost Chances
The story of the man who could
have traded a pair of boots for a
clear, .title to one-half of Texas if
he had been the owner of a pair of
boots is familiar to all. Everybody
has just missed, at .some, time or
other, a chance to do something hig.
It is the old story over again. But
here is a story that will appeal to
every lover of, rod and reel.
A Lincoln man went down to Texas
in search of health recently, and for
three months lived and loafed and
fished along the gulf. Eyery day
found him out in a naptha launch with
a friend, fishing for tarpon, shark
and jackfish. Tpe last day of his stay
he and the frijjgcok the launch
and "went oV xor a final fish. The
invaJM "wielded the rod and line and
uie friend gave attention to the
launch. Their luck was bad, and
after several hours trying, the invalid
said
"Well, let's go In. You take the
rod and I'll make the final trip at the
rudder."
The two chanced places. Before
the invalid had held the rudder ten
seconds a furious strike greeted the
man who had just taken the rod. For
forty minutes he worked like a nailer,
and finally landed ' a lankfish that
weighed fifteen pounds, the third one
eyes as Johnny walked out with down
cast oyes, and for several moments
the. great dealer was overcome. But
he felt that ho had to do it. Finally
ho braced up, called up "central" and
asked to bo connected with his broker.
Then Mr. Straightiy proceeded to
sell wheat and corn that he never
owned, and buy .pork and lard that
had never existed.
Brain- Leaks
Partisanship is not patriotism.
Genuino grief never goes on dress
parade.
Success won -without effort is al
ways fleeting. -
The man who knows the. most usually-has
the least to say.
The man who takesa pride in his
work seldom has toworry about a
job.
a, There is' quite a difference be
tween saving money and hoarding
money.
The chief trouble about wild oats
is that the sower seldom has to reap
the crop.
The best way to prepare for the big
tasks of- tomorrow is to clean up the
little tasks of today.
When a man burns his hand he
says things and keeps complaining
about It. When a woman burns her
hand she rubs a little grease on it
and pays no more attention, .to it until
she can show the injury to her hus
band. After you have attended to your
own business is the proper time to
attend to the business of your neigh
bor. Wouldn't it help the minister a
whole lot if his congregation applaud
ed him once in a while? It 'helps the
stump .speaker and the actor.
A man has pretty good control of
himself when he can refrain from
showing his temper after sticking tho
mucilage brush in the inkwell.
One of the funny things of life is
to see a city man who doesn't know
alfalfa from sugar cane, cock his eyes
up at the sky and then declare: "This
is mighty fine corn weather."
At Lincoln housewife who scolded
her ' children for making the house
so untidy was silenced when one of
her little ones a'sked': "Mama, which
would you rather have, a clean house
or us children?"
A friend of ours told the following
the other day: "Once on a time,
when Lwas'a little boy, a man fright
ened me by saying, Til cut your
ears off.' That man is a preacher,
but I'll always .despise him." Do you
ever incur the enmity of children by
talking to them that way?
Senator Stone on Canal Supplies
Another Failure ,
Diogenes was still engaged in his of Lthe 8pcls ,eYer ,caugllt in guIf
searcn ror an honest man. Pointing w ,;"17 ," , , ", ?" z. 2
to a magnificent bulldlnc. he incmtrml- If 1 nad only held on to t
magnificent building, he Inquired :
'"What building Is that?"
-"That's tho building where the na
tion's lawmakers meet," replied the
one questioned,
"Well," sighed- Dloeemes. nlp.lrlnc-
up his lantom and shaking It close
record.
that rod
a minute. longer!" sighs the returned
invalid every time he thinks of it.
The Difference
Mr. Straightiy was feeling very
tn hiq pnr vn t,mm X iV uuuiy. ni Bouse i iigui ana pro-
SivwaP,rri n l ?ZV 5E Ubiety had been awfully shocked. The
ovening before, while walking down
an unfrequented street, he had run
across 'a crowd of boys at an alley
anyhow. This lamn of mlno nGGrtn
some more oil."
Realizing that his search would be
prolonged the old philosopher felt the
necessity of preparing for the inevitable.
How It Really Works
The noble youth with the bulging
brow had read a great deal and was
prepared to profit by his reading.
When he started out to look for a
job he knew just what to do. Seeing
a sign, "Boy Wanted," he took it
down, tucked it under his arm and
wont in to interview the manager.
"What do you want, young follow?"
growled the manager.
"I want a job."
, "What have you got that sign under
your arm for?"
"0, you won't need it any more:
Im tho boy," said the youth with
the bulging brow.
Then ho waited for the rest to ban
pen. l
It happened.
"Well, this firm don't want any
smart Alecks. You hang that sign
right back where you got it. and
entrance, and they were shooting
craps. Among them was Johnny
Smith, the office boy. Mr. Straightiy
had often given Johnny sound advice,
and the knowledge that Johnny had
fallen by the wayside .made Mr
Straightiy feel very badly.
After thinking it over in his private
office Mr. Straightiy decided that
Johnny must be given another round
of advice and discharged. It wouldn't
do to harbor such a boy. Accordingly
Johnny was called In.
"I am sorry to learn, Johnny, that
you have been gambling. You have
disregarded my advice and engaged
in the sin of gambling."
"It was just a little game for a
penny a shot," whimperea the boy.
"But it was gambling, Johnny," said
Mr. Straightiy, "and that I will not
countenance. You may go to the cash
ier and get what's coming to you.
We cannot keep you in our employ.
Let this be a lesson to you. I hope
you will never gamble again."
There were tears in Mr. Straightly's
SenatoF Stone of Missouri, delivered
a speech in the senate on Sena
tor Aldrich's resolution requiring Pan
ama canal supplies to bd bought in
America, except that in cases where
the president thought the prices were
extortionate. The following report of
Senator Stone's speech is taken from
the Associated Press:
"No one can doubt," he said, "that
the president will buy 'practically all
canal materials in America, no mat
ter what the difference in prices hero
and abroad may be. lr we are to
judge the future' by the past there is
no room for questioning what course
the president will adopt. The men
who contributed the stupendous slush
funds, aggregating millions upon mil
lions of dollars, to carry the last
three presidential elections for the
republican candidates, almost of ne
cessity have their grip upon, those
who accepted their princely dona
tions. The beneficiaries of those
enormous corruption funds may some
times wince and shrink from the task
imposed upon them, and to hide the
shame of jit may now and then per
form some spectacular stunt in the
limelight and before the galleries, but
in the end the forces which operate
behind the curtain and hold the strings
will have their way. But there has
been so much of this blustering, and
it has attracted such wide attention
that something must be done to re
lieve the situation. Something must
be provided for public credulity to
feed upon. A door must be opened
for escape and a soft place muBt be
made for the president to fall. The
scheme for all this Is wrapped up in
this resolution."
Senator Stone said that about a
year ago the president and the secre
tary of war had announced that they
would not be held up in the purchase
of materials for the canal by Ameri
can manufacturers or American ship
owners. This declaration, he said, was
approved generally by the American
people as in the interests of the gen
eral welfare. But he declared that
the special interests affected resisted
and won. Promptly these orgauized
their .forces to resist and discipline
him. "Standpatters" came swarming
in every available quarter. The pres
ident's cburage was put to the test,
and, as usual, nrovod unequal to the
strain. There was a great thunder
ing by him in the index, with the
customary Rooseveltian fiasco at the
finish. The "iron man at the White
House" again proved himself to be
no iron man at all, but only what
Bismarck once declared Salisbury,
"Merely a pine lathe painted the color
of iron."
The president surrendered, and in
stead of buying canal materials, as
he vowed he would and he repeatedly
asserted it was his duty to do, in the
cheapest market, he bought practically
everything he purchased 80 per cent
of the whole, at protected trust prices
in America.
In support of this contention he cit
ed the facts in connection with the
purchase from the Ward line of two
ships for the canal service. "The
president," he said, "opened negotia
tions for the purchase of foreign ships,
but at the same time the batteries of
American Bhlp-builders were opened
on the president. For a while, a short
while, it really looked as if the, presi
dent would stand his ground. But
alas, our hopes were vain; he was
not equal vto the task. He hauled
down his flag and surrendered. In
stead of buying the foreign ships of
6,000 tons each for $750,000, he bought
two American ships of 5,700 tons each
for $1,300,000.
"The vessels," said the senator,
"had cost not to exceed $600,000 each,
ard as they had been in service about
eight years were worth 40 per cent
less," This he pronounced "a shame
ful instance of treasury looting." Ho
declared the president's weakness to
be a costly thing for the country.
"And so," Mr. Stone proceeded,
"the Macedonian cry comes over from
the White House to congress. This
joint resolution is the response con
gress makes to that appeal. Here
after when the president goes on buy
ing trust materials at trust prices,
as he has been doing and would con
tinue to do, whether this resolution
should be adopted or not, he can ex
cuse himself on the ground that con
gress has established a rule for his
guidance. He can shelter himself un
der this resolution and unload his
sins on congress. That' Is a'bout the
only possible use to which this reso
lution can bo put. This res
olution merely crowns the triumph of
the trusts over the president.'' v
He closed with the assertion that
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