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12
The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER
29
w
money liave a habit of purchasin' fine
press notices under the misapprehen
sion that they were buyin' public opin
It May Be
6 i
Poor Man!
Beans in the coffee and dirt in the
fruit,
Peas in the pepper and spice;
Sand in the sugar, and plenty to
boot;
Chips in the flaked oals. and rice.
Bee doctored plenty with formalde
hyde, Boracic acid and dope;
"Smokes" made of cabbage, our wool
en goods "snide,"
Germs of disease in the soap.
Dope in our catsup and paper in
shoes,
Yams in the pumpkins for pies;
Cottonseed olive oil, poison in
booze,
Ptomaine in potted ham lies.
Horseradish made out of turnips by
day,
Butter from tallow at night;
Stone made of cement and bricks
without clay,
Bread with vile alumn made light.
Strawberry jam made of timothy
seeds,
Quince preserves doped with glucose;
Blackberry wine made of juices of
weeds,
Jellies well, nobody knows.
Fortunes built up on rank poison and
gall, ,
Offices won by" deep craft;
Clothing and medicine, food in fact,
.all
Subjects for greed and for graCt.
Paper soles tacked on the shoes that
we wear,
Shoddy in all sof our clothes;
Nothing seems now to be made on
the square
Craze for adulterants grows.
Quarter-sawed oak desks are made
out of pine,
Cotton wove into our silks;
Babies are fed till they mournfully
whine
On rank formaldehyde milk.
Poisoned at birth and then poisoned
to death,
, Poisoned at morn and at eve.
Lungs filled with poison at every
breath,
Everything made to deceive.
.Victims of greed from the cradle to
tomb,
Round us the trust arms entwine;
Poisoned to death and above us ,;il
bloom
Wreaths of the rank poison vine.
The Mississippi Bubble
The shade of John Law sat in the
shade of a Stygian tree and wept
ghostly tears of jealousy.
"Why this sadness?" queried the
shade of Baron Munchausen.
"Alas" murmured the shade of John
Law. "I learn that I live: a couple
of centuries too soon."
"And how, may I inquire?"
"Had I lived in the present age I
might have either organized an Equit
able Assurance company, or got a
place on the pay roll giving advice
that would line my own . pockets."
Was She Guileless?
"Miss DeWise," murmured Mr
Spoonamore, edging his chair a little
bit closer, "will you not play for mo
one of those deligh al sonatas writ
ten by Mozart or Beethoven?"
"I am so sorry," replied Miss De
Wise, "but I am unable to grant your
request. But this afternoon I sprained
my right wrist severely while knead
ing the bread, and although it does
not pain me at' this moment, still I
know it would prevent me from do
ing justice to"
"Sprained in kneading the bread,"
whispered Mr. Spoonamore.
"Why, yes; I always make the
bread. Papa can not abide baker's
bread and he savs I am tho heat
breadmaker he ever "
"Miss DeWise," gasped Mr. Spoon
amore, dropping upon one knee and
clasping her hand. "Miss DeWise, I
am unable any longer to conceal my
love for you. Miss DeWise So
phronia, dear, if I may call you so
will you be mine?"
The Reason
The gentleman with whom we were
trying to trade horses indulged in
some profanity that grated harshly
upon our ears.
"Why do you swear so?" we in
quired in a tone calculated to convey
the idea of reproof.
"I swear because I want people to
know that I trade bosses on the
square," ne retorted. "I'm not tak
ing any chances of losing an oppor
tunity to trade because people think
I may be like that fellow Dave Harum
iraueu Willi, bv cum "
Recalling the multitude of stories
pertaining to the horse trades made
by deacons, we no longer felt it in
cumbent upon us to administer reproof.
Queer
The man with the high starched
collar crazed at tho Mii.mr.r
fr,of the drug store and exclaimed:
'Whew! It's 102 in the shade."
Just then a lady passed by, wearing
French heeled shoes and with her
waist resembling that of a wasp.
Pulling his collar away from his
perspiring neck the man exclaimed:
I can not understand how women
endure this hot weather when they
dress the way they do."
Glancing once niore at the ther
mometer, and swabbing his moist
brow with a limp handkerchief, the
man sought a shady nook.
The Mean Thing
"O, my dear," cooe.1 Mrs. Bildad,
here is just the place we've been
looking for to spend our summer
vacation,"
MrWBiWadakeS ' S Sd?" Srowled
"They advertise good bathing, good
fishing good boating, but best of all
"w ".uvoujoo an uie comforts of
home." UL
"Then we don't go," snapped Bildad.
One reason for taking this vac
tion is to escape some of the thincs
you mentioned." sulfas
The Childish Idea
Dorothy usually knows what she
means, but often she is unable to ex
press herself clearly. A few even
ings ago the summer breeze wafted to
her. nOStrilS thft nrtnr r a s
vegetables.
m; fdnef8 mamma!" she cried;
"that tastes just awful to my nose."
Our Wonderful Language
"Been fishing, eh? How much did
your biggest fish weigh?"
"It didn't get a weigh; it got away."
Quite True
J! have noticed," remarked Uncle
Pipe, "that a great many follows with
"I notice that Chauncey Depew is
not telling any funny stories since
those Equitable disclosures."
"No. I guess that in this instance
the- tale does not go with the Hyde."
He Did Not Hold His Job Because
He knew too much.
He shirked his work.
He performed the easy tasks first.
He wouldn't be bossed by any man.
He had no thought above getting
his pay.
He thought it smart to deceive his
employer.
He thought himself too good for
the place. .
He wouldn't do more than his share
of the work.
He imagined that the world owed
him a living.
He would not do more than he was
paid for doing.
He could not see the use of cariner
for little things.
He took no interest in the welfare
of his employer.
He began work by inclination and
quit work by the clock.
He forgot his business too often and
his habits not often enough.
He was more interested in quitting
work than he was in doing it well.
He grumbled if told to do it in some
other way than he. wanted to do it.
ne paid more attention to the deft
rolling of his cigarette than he did
to keeping stock.
He was such a good fellow after
hours that he did not feel like being
a good fellow during hours.
He thought his working hours were
merely time to be spent between go
ing out with the boys and nursing a
ueauacue in tne morning.
Brain Leaks
It is very easy to make excuses for
those we love.
The older a man is the farther he
could jump when a boy.
It does not take much courage to
be a hero in the - limelight.
Today's happiness depends upon
the scarcity of yesterday's regrets.
Did you ever have as good a time
on your vacation as you anticipated?
It is better to be known as a good
man than to be known as a good fel
low. Some men think they are popular
merely because people impose on
mem.
Perhaps they call them "captains of
finance" because some of them are
so rank.
In the race for wealth the men who
are distanced often reap the greatest
benefits.
Some churches that talk about re
vivals would better talk about resur
rections. The pocketbook nerve of some men
Is much more sensitive than their
domestic nerve.
We have never heard of a business
man going to a pool hall in search
of an office boy.
This would be a dreary world in
deed if there were no rainbows to
chase occasionally.
Salvation is to be hnd for tii not
ing, but it costs work and money and
sacrifice to. retain it.
People who have children of their
own are alwavs slow in n Aviso nfimi.
how to raise their children.
Some people manufacture o.maaaa
for the satisfaction of thinking that
they are earning crowns by carrying
mum.
The Sweetest Old wnmnn -ara vrrft
knew had a habit of saying when she
started to repair one of thr m, i .
garments. "Patch by natni. ?lldr?n
borly, but Patch uponPpath if 8h'
gardly.". i imch 1S beg.
iMLto courtoous -
The man who contends that th
world is growing worse is mere J
looking at it thrugh spectacles SS
are mentally fogged. tUat
It transpires that some eminent
gentlemen have been so busy S
ing the national honor that they Sew
very careless about their own.
We are so old-fashinnori tw ....
would rather see a woman pushing
a baby cab than see a woman rldine
in an auto with a poodle dog in her
If ever we have to board again we
are going to look for a place in a
home where the housewife feels com
plimented if you eat until your collar
hurts.
A CURE FOR ACCIDENTS
There are several reasons why our
railroads kill and maim thousands
eacli year, while English railroad
traveling is as safe as sitting at home.
But the fundamental reason is that
our courts, especially our judges, re
gard a railroad smash-up as an "ac
cident," whereas the English courts
regard it as deliberate and criminal
carelessness always. If your arm is
broken or your thumb smashed in a
railroad "accident" of any kind in
England you get damages which an
American judge, thinking always of
"vested rights," would set aside as
scandalously excessive.
But is not the English practice
both juster and wiser? Does not tho
result the absence of "accidents"
prove it?
Our officials and our public, are
most respectful of "vested rights"
a wholesome spirit of conservatism.
But do we not carry our respect too
far when we respect those righi3
more than those possessing them?
Does not a man show the most reck
less disregard of his own rights a
disregard that should be sharply re
buked when he mounts them and
rides them roughshod over the rights
of others?
The cure for "accidents" is invaria
ble heavy damages for the victims.
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