w wmwm wp wyy ' y ipftfpg
10
The Commoner.
yOLXJMB 5, tfUMBER 10
if
The Optimist.
Thoro's a mighty sight o' trouble as
th' world we're sailin' through,
But hohind th' clouds o' trouble skies
aro Bhinin' clear an' blue;
An' we'll all bo gay an' happy if our
hearts aro beatin' true.
Whilo wo listen for th' music sweet
ly ringin'. .
So it ain't no use ropinin' 'cause your
. plans all go askew,
Better keep right on a tryin' fr th
best that you can do,
Never troublin' Mr. Troublo till ho
tries to troublo you,
But a song o' cheerfulness forover
singin'.
Th' man who "alts a mournin' by th'
grave o uiasiou scneuiea
Is bound t' miss th' glory o' th' dawnin'
mornin's gleams;
An' he hides his faco an' catches
nono o' 01' Sol's cheerful beams
That aro paintin' all th' landscape
o'er with glory.
So it's bettor t be smilin' than t'
weep o'er shattered dreams;
Th' world is always hotter than you
sometimes think it seems,
An' there's love an' light an' laughter
in th' flowers, fields an' streams
When 01' Nature tells in song .her
sweetest story.
Th' man who gives up tryin' 'cause
ho "failed once in th' race
An,' sits down weak an' sobbln' with
Dig icaruvops on nis lace
"Would, bo bettor up an' doin' ; better
give his spine a braco,
For a race is never ended till you've
run it.
So it's bettor t' keep runnin' at your
very swiftest pace;
Do your level best a tryin t' secure a
better place;
Taln't not winnin', but not tryin', that
heaps on you deep disgrace,
So keep runnin' at top speed until
, you've won it.
Th' world is full o glory If you open
up your eyes,
til' sun is brightly shinin' back o'
clouds that line the skies,
An' th' joys o lovo an' livin' back o'
troublo always lies
An' you'll reach it if you'll only
keep a goin'.
There's no doubt about th' winnin'
of a good an' ample prize
By th' man who's up an' doin an'
with all his bein' tries
For th' joy o' simply livin' all the ol'
world glorifies
An' it ain't no troublo keepin'
things a glowin'.
there is in the game. Geo! Wish I
was backstopping right now."
"Come and try it, mister," yelled
tho youthful catcher."
"That's what I'm going to do," said
tho jolly old boy, arid disdaining mask,
pad and glovo ho crouched behind the
bat. The agile young pitcher in the
box grinned, spat upon the ball,
danced about on his toes and slammed
the ball over the plate like a bullet
shot out of a gun.
No. You are mistaken. The jolly
old boy didn't stop it with his pro
bocis. He caught it like a veteran
and piked it over to second like a
flash, catching the base runner a mile
from taw.
It happens this way every once in
a while.
The Lone Fisherman
"Yes, been fishing," admitted the
well-known business man when ho
showed up in the neighborhood' at
dusk, his faco burned to a blister and
mud all over his clothes.
"Catch anything?"
"O, I didn't do so worse. Caught a
dozen that weighed over a pound and
a half, and three or four that tipped
the scales at two pounds and over."
The neighbors immediately engaged
in a merry ha-ha and asked to see
ythe fish.
"Come right over," said the fisher
man, leading the bunch to the back
porch whore the meat refrigerator
stood. Lifting the lid he displayed
his catch.
No. You are mistaken. He had
more and bigger fish, than he had
claimed.
We have known it to happen this
way once or twice.
The Unfiled Suit -
"Give you my hoss and twenty dol
lars to boot."
"Hoss sound, deacon?
"Sound as a dollar. Ain't got a
blemish nor a bad habit. Byes good,
wind sound an' kin travel all day with
dut pushin'." ' ,.
After some study and examination
the squire traded and the animals
soon changed places.
Mn Vmi iiTA mistaken. The dea
con's horso was all he said it was and
even better. You've been reading
"David Harum." .
It often happens that way, but it
seldom is written up in the books and
funny columns of the press.
The Candidate
The candidate arose before the con
vention which had nominated him and
made a solemn pledge that when he
went to congress he would stand firm
in the interests of the people whom he
strove in his weak way to represent
Immediately upon his arrival in
Washington he was visited by a rep
resentative of the allied railroads, by
a representative of the ship subsidy
crowd, bv a representative of the as
sociated tariff barons and by a repre
RfintntivG of the captains of finance.
With each one of them he was clos
eted for several hours. Reports of
these conferences reached his constit
uents, and they wondered.
The various representatives of the
special interests winked whenever the
honorable gentleman's name was
mentioned. Finally congress went to
work, and the new member took an
active interest, being present every
time an important measure was up
for passage.
No. You are mistaken. He favored
rate regulation, was opposed to the
protective tariff graft, stood out
aeainst the branch bank and asset cur
rency bills, fought the ship subsidy
It happened at least once within our
recollection. But we believe his dis
trict listened to the siren voices that
he had closed his ears to, and elected
his opponent at the next election.
text books in our leading universi
ties." "And who is that young fellow
that everybody greets with cheers?"
"That?" Why, where've you been
not to have made the acquaintance of
Leonidas Mercutio Smithers, the col
legian who invented our university
yell and discovered a new way of
tying an ascott tie?"
It's Often the Case That
We miss today's opportunities be
cause our eyes are swollen with tho
tears shed over yesterday's .failure.
We see very little good in life be
cause wo are always looking for tho
worst of it.
We fail to seo our neighbor's vir
tues because we spend our timo
searching out his faults.
. Well Developed
"I've heard that Bingley's sense of
humor is only rudimentary."
"That's a huge mistake. Why,
Bingley's sense of humor is so well
developed that he can laugh at tho
comic pictures in. the Sunday supplements."
Brain Leaks. .
be humble
may
without
IT SOMETIMES HAPPENS SO.
The Old Ball Player
" Ho was verging on sixty, but was
rotund and jolly, and when he passed
tho vacant lot where the boys were
playing ball he stopped to watch them.
"That's a bully hit!" he shouted
when a freckle-faced lad lined out
a two bagger.
"'Rah! Tliat was a peach of a
throw!" ho yelled when the youth
ful catcher slammed one down to
second and caught tho 'runner by
three feet.
f "Ever play ball?" queried a dys
peptic looking individual who lmrl
'paused to see what was doing.
., "You bet," replied the jolly old boy.
"Used to take 'em off the bat with-
1 out glovo or mask. Didn't have no
life preservers when I was abnv.
Took all tho risk and had all the fun
The line fence had long been a
source of troublo, and the families
had long since ceased speaking.
Every time the boys met they went to
the sod together, and when the girls
passed on the streets their noses were
turned up like the toes of an old pair
of boots.
One day the man on the East side'
tackled the fence, intending to make
a few repairs. But no sooner had he
started the work than the man on
the West side showed up.
"Howdy do," said the man on the
East side..
"Mornin'," said the man on the
West side.
"I guess I'll fix my fence a bit."
"I thought o' takin' my fence down."
"Your fence?"
"Yep; my fence."
No. You are mistaken. They didn't
mix. They merely talked it over and
then re-located the fence to their mu
tual satisfaction.
It has often happened that way, but
it seldom gets into the papers when it
does.
Be Brave
When you meet old Mr. Trouble
Look him squarely in the eye;
Grit your teeth and both fists double
And he'll surely pass you by.
Make him give the road he'll do it
If he don't, then make him rue it.
Mark your path and then pursue it
Till you land where roses lie.
When you see old Trouble coming
Set your shoulders square and firm.
Cheery songs just keep a humming
And you're bound to make him
squirm.
Tackle him and he'll grow humble,
Tangle up his feet and stumble,
Then just scowl a bit and grumble
And go wriggling like a worm.
Sunny sky or cloudy weather
Meet old Trouble on the square.
Never show him the white feather
Show him that you'll do and dare.
Do this and you'll get him going.
Slap his jaws, no mercy showing;
Keep your courage ever growing
And you'll win out then and there.
The Horse Trade
Deacon Jones hitched up his horse
and started merrily to town to pur
chase the week's supply of groceries.
Deacon Jones was at peace with all
the world, for things had long been
coming his way..
When about a half a mile from
town he mot Squire Meeks coming
uiuiig luo roaa witn a young colt.
"Fine colt you got there, squire,"
said the deacon.
"You're right, deacon. Fine animal
this."
"WanJ to trade, squire?" .
"Don't1 care. How'llyoiT trade ' '
After careful examination the dea
con said:
Sold
"That may be a fine poem, Scrib
berly, but I'll be blest if I can un
derstand what it means."
"Thanks, awfully, old man. If it
strikes you that way it's as good as
sold to one of tho leading maga
zines." Success. " "'
"Who is that scrawny little man
crossing the campus rifc f if he were
afraid, some one would recognize
him?" vn
UPmkJWs ProfessorVwBumps, the
scientist 'who has " acquired thirty
seven degrees and written 'a number
of books that are used as standard
A man
cringing.
A victory bought by money is al
ways a failure.
Satan seldom, worries about the
man who always has an excuse handy.
The most successful men are those
who have profited by their mistakes.
The man who takes an interest in
his work is seldom without employ
ment. The man who does his very best
has done all that God expects of
him.
Some men are wise enough to make
their ignorance appear to be , mero
eccentricity.
The agnostic is generally a man
who prides himself on his inability
to believe.
If men had to harvest all the wild
oats they sow the crop of seed would
soon disappear.
. The man who is always boasting of
being self-made is a poor advertiser
for his architect;
A woman thinks she has the prize
husband if he can look happy during
house cleaning time. v
Some men never lmow what suc
cess is until they score what tuey
think is their greatest failure.
The man who takes life easy is
very apt to fall into the, habit of
taking everything else the same way.
We "would rather be in jail than
in a home where the children quit
laughing as soon as their father comes
in.
There is a vast difference between
telling God what you want and asking
Him to give you what He sees you
needP
If a man at fifty really knew as
much as he thought he knew at twen
ty, he would have the world at his
disposal.
The man who stubs his toe twice on
the same nail is usually the man who
is too careless to put the hammer
back in its place.
The quicker a man grows weary
cultivating a 2x4 garden the more
apt he is" to wish that he could be
come manager of a six section farm.
Tho greatest failure in life is the
man. who spends so much time wish
ing ho could accomplish big reforms
that he has no time in which to as
sist in minor reforms.
Money can buy many things, but
here is a combination that it can not
purchase: A frolicsome dog at the
gate, a laughing baby at the window
and a smiling wife at tho door.
Slops,
Chills
Wmkilto
(PERRY DAVIS')
Cures
Cramps
'-i's-i